Ask the Author: Roxy Manning
Answered Questions (1)
Roxy Manning
There are several reasons why I brought in the idea of consent. I often saw conversations that happened without any consent from one or all parties. Sometimes Global Majority folks were expected to be in the conversations even when it was a huge cost to them. Sometimes white folks agreed to conversations they were not equipped to have. The lack of consent - establishing a check-in about the availability of the resources needed for all to be in dialogue, means a lot of dialogues were doomed even before they began.
I think consent is so important. First, it helps to dismantle one of the implicit rules of the white supremacy myth - that Global Majority people are supposed to serve white people. This shows up in many ways. One common example is when a white person assumes that a Global Majority person will want to hear their apology or pain about an impact the white person caused, without checking to see if the Global Majority person is willing. Another is when there is an expectation that a Global Majority person explain why they are upset about something or why an action was a microaggression to a white person, who then disengages from further discussion once they have understood - never actually doing any repair with the Global Majority person. I want folks to learn to ask, and not take for granted the energy and effort of Global Majority in addressing these issues.
I also wanted to bring in the idea that we all need to check in with ourselves, global majority and white, and assess whether or not we have the capacity or resources to enter these conversations in any given moment. Self-compassion makes having these conversations possible. When I determine I don't have the resources in the moment, I don't have to submit and begin a dialogue that I will not have the capacity to sustain. When we do this, jump in without gaining self-consent, we often end up flaming out in the middle of the conversation. We become flooded, angry, lose track of what we wanted to share, give up on our needs or close our heart to the other person. Instead, if I notice I'm not ready, I can say no in the moment - not as a way to permanently avoid the conversation, but instead to gather the resources I need so that I can show up fully for these conversations.
I think consent is so important. First, it helps to dismantle one of the implicit rules of the white supremacy myth - that Global Majority people are supposed to serve white people. This shows up in many ways. One common example is when a white person assumes that a Global Majority person will want to hear their apology or pain about an impact the white person caused, without checking to see if the Global Majority person is willing. Another is when there is an expectation that a Global Majority person explain why they are upset about something or why an action was a microaggression to a white person, who then disengages from further discussion once they have understood - never actually doing any repair with the Global Majority person. I want folks to learn to ask, and not take for granted the energy and effort of Global Majority in addressing these issues.
I also wanted to bring in the idea that we all need to check in with ourselves, global majority and white, and assess whether or not we have the capacity or resources to enter these conversations in any given moment. Self-compassion makes having these conversations possible. When I determine I don't have the resources in the moment, I don't have to submit and begin a dialogue that I will not have the capacity to sustain. When we do this, jump in without gaining self-consent, we often end up flaming out in the middle of the conversation. We become flooded, angry, lose track of what we wanted to share, give up on our needs or close our heart to the other person. Instead, if I notice I'm not ready, I can say no in the moment - not as a way to permanently avoid the conversation, but instead to gather the resources I need so that I can show up fully for these conversations.
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