Diablo Cody > Quotes

“In my opinon, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“He is the cheese to my macaroni.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Gas Attendant: "Thata ain't no etch-a-sketch. Thats one doodle that can't be un-did home skillet.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“When you're in a competitive environment, always give out the impression that you don't care. It makes people want you more. If you act desperate, it's over. I think a passive attitude is helpful. It comes naturally because I'm lazy.”
― Diablo Cody

“Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into? ”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Shoulda gone to China. They give away babies like free iPods. They put them in guns and shoot them out at sporting events. ”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Ten Best Song to Strip
1. Any hip-swiveling R&B fuckjam. This category includes The Greatest Stripping Song of All Time: "Remix to Ignition" by R. Kelly.

2. "Purple Rain" by Prince, but you have to be really theatrical about it. Arch your back like Prince himself is daubing body glitter on your abdomen. Most effective in nearly empty, pathos-ridden juice bars.

3. "Honky Tonk Woman" by the Rolling Stones. Insta-attitude. Makes even the clumsiest troglodyte strut like Anita Pallenberg. (However, the Troggs will make you look like even more of a troglodyte, so avoid if possible.)

4. "Pour Some Sugar on Me" by Def Leppard. The Lep's shouted choruses and relentless programmed drums prove ideal for chicks who can really stomp. (Coincidence: I once saw a stripper who, like Rick Allen, had only one arm.)

5. "Amber" by 311. This fluid stoner anthem is a favorite of midnight tokers at strip joints everywhere. Mellow enough that even the most shitfaced dancer can make it through the song and back to her Graffix bong without breaking a sweat. Pass the Fritos Scoops, dude.

6. "Miserable" by Lit, but mostly because Pamela Anderson is in the video, and she's like Jesus for strippers (blonde, plastic, capable of parlaying a broken nail into a domestic battery charge, damaged liver). Alos, you can't go wrong stripping to a song that opens with the line "You make me come."

7. "Back Door Man" by The Doors. Almost too easy. The mere implication that you like it in the ass will thrill the average strip-club patron. Just get on all fours and crawl your way toward the down payment on that condo in Cozumel. (Unless, like most strippers, you'd rather blow your nest egg on tacky pimped-out SUVs and Coach purses.)

8. Back in Black" by AC/DC. Producer Mutt Lange wants you to strip. He does. He told me.

9. "I Touch Myself" by the Devinyls. Strip to this, and that guy at the tip rail with the bitch tits and the shop teacher glasses will actually believe that he alone has inspired you to masturbate. Take his money, then go masturbate and think about someone else.

10. "Hash Pipe" by Weezer. Sure, it smells of nerd. But River Cuomo is obsessed with Asian chicks and nose candy, and that's just the spirit you want to evoke in a strip club. I recommend busting out your most crunk pole tricks during this one.”
― Diablo Cody

“Juno MacGuff: I don't know what kind of girl I am. ”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Juno MacGuff: Wise move. I know this girl who had a huge crazy freakout because she took too many behavioral meds at once. She took off all her clothes and jumped into the fountain at Ridgedale Mall and she was like, "Blaaaaah! I'm a kraken from the sea!"
Su-Chin: That was you.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Bren MacGuff: Well, honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream... ”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Vodka Redbull: Upper meets downer in an effervescent hybrid of bubble gum and junkie piss”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person will still think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Juno MacGuff: I was out handling things way beyond my maturity level.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Juno MacGuff: "Thanks a heap coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings worse than your abandonment.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Love is mysterious and rad, like Steve Perry from Journey”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“Juno: WOOOAH! ....Dreeeaaam BIG!”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Jeez banana! Shut your freaking gob!”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Juno MacGuff: You can never have too many of your favorite one calorie breath mints.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Juno MacGuff: [yelling through the house] Dad?
Mac MacGuff: What?
Juno MacGuff: Either I just peed my pants or um...
Mac MacGuff: *Or*...?
Juno MacGuff: THUNDERCATS ARE GO!”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“Above the stage was a glass-floored second stage, which allowed customers to look up and watch another girl dancing overhead. This multidimensional display of poontang reminded me of the 3-D chessboard on Star Trek, which in turn reminded me that I was a huge nerd.”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“He wasn’t a carrier of commitment-phobia or other notable boy diseases and he used expensive moisturizer. That’s about all it takes to bang my gong.”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“Nobody comes to Minnesota to take their clothes off, at least as far as I know.”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with.”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“The Ten Worst Songs to Strip To: 1. That Midnight Oil song about aborigines”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“Juno: Honest to blog?”
― Diablo Cody, Juno: The Shooting Script

“For me, stripping was an unusual kind of escape. I had nothing to escape but privilege, but I claimed asylum anyway. At twenty-four, it was my last chance to reject something and become nothing. I wanted to terrify myself. Mission accomplished.”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“Kyle dumped me for some stripper whore who shops at Wet Seal.”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“Of course, the strippers also take pains not to appear too innocent, valorous, or bookishly inclined. (In direct opposition to the Swayze Mandate of 1987, everybody puts Baby in a goddamn corner.)”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“Everyone's favorite supper is a gluey carbohydrate-rich concoction known simply as "hotdish" and served in a community Pyrex.”
― Diablo Cody, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper

“The name fuse followed me from the book to the screenplay, and now I have to live with the name, which I chose in 30 seconds with no thought about how it might sound or what it might imply. It was just a funny thing.”
― Diablo Cody