George Burns > Quotes

“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”
― George Burns

“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
― George Burns

“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. ”
― George Burns

“You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.”
― George Burns

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”
― George Burns

“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”
― George Burns

“Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.”
― George Burns

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
― George Burns

“I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate. ”
― George Burns

“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.”
― George Burns

“The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.”
― George Burns

“Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”
― George Burns

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”
― George Burns

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.”
― George Burns

“I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.”
― George Burns

“You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.”
― George Burns

“Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made. ”
― George Burns

“Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist. ”
― George Burns

“Young. Old. Just Words.”
― George Burns

“Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.”
― George Burns, Doctor Burns' Prescription for Happiness

“Say Goodnight Gracie.”
― George Burns

“Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.”
― George Burns

“I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.”
― George Burns

“I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.”
― George Burns

“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible”
― George Burns

“I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.”
― George Burns

“I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.”
― George Burns

“Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.”
― George Burns

“Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. ”
― George Burns

“The key to success is sincerity. If you can fake that you've got it made.”
― George Burns