Dylan Lee Peters's Blog

I’m not sure how to review this book…

I think it was good, and possibly important, but I would never recommend it. The story kept me engaged, but there were many parts I wish I’d never read. (Images I want to erase from my mind, and a feeling I want to cleanse from my soul). It was a work of fiction that felt uncomfortably possible.

The jacket reads:
“Working at the local processing plant, Marcos is in the business of slaughtering humans —though no one calls them that anymore.

His wife has left him, his father is sinking into dementia, and Marcos tries not to think too hard about how he makes a living. After all, it happened so quickly. First, it was reported that an infectious virus has made all animal meat poisonous to humans. Then governments initiated the “Transition.” Now, eating human meat—“special meat”—is legal. Marcos tries to stick to numbers, consignments, processing.

Then one day he’s given a gift: a live specimen of the finest quality. Though he’s aware that any form of personal contact is forbidden on pain of death, little by little he starts to treat her like a human being. And soon, he becomes tortured by what has been lost—and what might still be saved.”

Let me say this: I thought this book would merely be a “PETA book of the year.” Meaning, I thought it would find its way onto every vegan and vegetarian’s must-read list, an example to hold up as to why we shouldn’t eat meat, why we should stop the terrible things we do to animals. I thought it would basically illustrate, “This is what we do to animals, imagine if we did it to humans. Now, shouldn’t we stop doing this to animals?”

The message goes much further than that. It goes deeper. I thought the horror would be superficial and gory, shock and awe. The horror in this book is existential. The horror in this story is not as much about evil actions, as much as it’s about evil nature. It explores what we are. The author asks us to look in the mirror, and see how apathetic, and dissociative, and manipulative, and cruel we are. To animals, yes, but also to one another.

“Tender is the Flesh” dares you to believe it’s merely fiction, and not an apt portrait of humanity. What I found horrifying is that I couldn’t. 

The story is about cannibalism in a broader sense. A devaluing of humans on a governmental level, a societal level, an interpersonal level, and the surprisingly small amount of apathy it takes to build a dystopia.

I’ve read a lot a dystopian fiction in my life. No book has left me with as much utter sadness as “Tender Is The Flesh.” A lot of people who’ve read “1984” by George Orwell tout the idea that the story isn’t about a possible future, it’s about our very-real current state. A large part of me felt the same about “Tender is the Flesh,” and it was gutting.

I hope to forget how “Tender is the Flesh” made me feel, though I doubt I will.

That was probably the whole point.

Why write a horror novel? Fans of my previous works want to know what would make me turn from the fantasy adventure style of my Everflame series (my most successful series) and travel this “dark path.”

The answer is somewhat meandering. A part of me thinks to answer, “Well, haven’t I always been a horror writer? Are there not moments in all of my books that fit the genre?” Even if that is true, it doesn’t really answer the question in the direct way it deserves. 

The direct and honest answer is because—like all of us, I think—I’m searching. I’m searching for myself in an ever-changing world, searching for a foothold to begin making a climb, searching for the answer to a question we all know and yet mostly find impossible to articulate. I believe we constantly search for the ability to fulfill our purpose; possibly the deepest satisfaction we can ever know.

So I’m writing a horror novel because I’m searching. I’m writing a horror novel about searching, among other things. 

What helped me come come to this decision? What drew me to this path? I think I can point to one work that is both my greatest success and greatest failure as a writer: The Dean Machine

I call it my greatest success because to this day I think it’s my best story, the one I like the best, the one that means the most to me. And it was my greatest failure for commercial reasons. I confused too many genres, and created a story that couldn’t please anyone but myself. 😂 “Hey everyone, come read a story about a rescue dog, inspired by an actual rescue dog of mine… oh, and this will be a science fiction adventure… oh and it’s also kind of a psychological thriller… oh and some of it is definitely horror… like angry, eff the world, pages of rage horror. Sounds good, right?”

Yeah… No one wanted to read that, and the people that did were left mostly confused and disturbed. Book bloggers I gave advanced copies to pretty much all gave the same review that can be summed up in two emojis 🤯🤷🏻‍♂️

I remember doing a charity event where I gave out my books in exchange for donations to the rescue dog organization I agreed to help. I thought at the time it was a win-win, I get my book in the hands of readers and make money for rescue dogs. Yet, as the event went on I realized I was handing my book mostly to sweet old women with big smiles and bigger hearts, who were at an event to help dogs, and feel happy about doing good. By the end I was thinking, if they actually read this book, it’s going to destroy them. I had really fucked up the marketing of the book. The Dean Machine wasn’t a fun sci-fi adventure for those who love their rescue dog. It was a confusing genre mashup bred from anger. It was a horror novel written as an FU to an apathetic world that hurt my dog and took him from me too soon. It was a story that only worked for me, because it was really just for me. 

My wife and I had adopted an old dog who had been through hell in a puppy mill, and suffered at the hands of ignorant, apathetic and evil people. We cared for him, loved him, nurtured him, and watched him blossom under our care. And then two years later he died because, despite all we had done for him, the atrocities he had suffered before us were too much for him to physically overcome. The damage had been done. There was nothing we could do. 

So I poured my love, my sadness and my absolute red hot rage into a story I felt would honor him and the legacy of what he stood for. For me it will always be successful because of that alone. 

Truly the book was my absolution, my penance for the perceived sin of not being able to save my dog’s life. And through that process, without realizing I had done it, I had written a book that could be classified as much horror as any other genre.

Really, there are moments in all of my books that are dark enough to be considered horror. Yet, I never allowed myself to walk that path completely. The Everflame series was about hope, redemption and the indomitable spirit that resides within us all. I wanted it to be accessible for readers of all ages and temperaments, almost like a superhero comic book. The Dean Machine was just a work of pure catharsis, something I needed to do. The Hands of Ruin series (though unfinished) is intended to be a sprawling epic about family, and how time connects and equalizes us all. Everflame: Mystic Wild was an attempt to recapture the youthful adventure the original Everflame series thrived in.

But my next book, the one I’m working on right now, it’s about the realization that some of the best things I create come from a very, very dark place. So, this book will be a horror novel about searching for, and finding myself. This book is about my life, and what happens when I go walking in the dark.

• • • 

For a window into the dark places I go, check out The Dean Machine currently available on kindle at a temporarily reduced price.

I'm back... I think it’s time to make it known that I’m writing again. In fact, I’m roughly twenty-thousand words into a new novel. Social is where I will primarily post updates and goings-on relating to my work, so make sure to keep up with my Facebook and instagram accounts:


Facebook: Dylan Lee Peters - SF Author
​(this is a new account, the old one was hacked).
Instagram: @authordylanleepeters


I’ve decided it’s best to go forward as a Speculative Fiction (SF) Author. This is because my latest project should probably be classified as horror. It’s not anything like the Everflame series… you shouldn’t let your kids read this one.


What exactly is my latest project, you ask? At this time there’s not a lot I’m ready to talk about, but I will say the subject matter is… difficult. I should be willing to reveal much more of it in the coming days—my feelings on this seem to change like the wind. I realize you all need to know, and I’m a horrible person for keeping this secret for so long. But I also need time to get all of this down and ensure I haven’t forgotten a crucial piece of information. So much depends on that… I just hope I have the time.


You really should monitor my social accounts… and wish me luck working this all out.

Recently Everflame was featured on Wiki.ezvid.com in their video: 
12 Immersive Fantasies With Fascinating Lore
Check out the video! This website aims to be a more accessible wiki by using videos, which sounds like a great idea. 

My wife and I were fortunate enough to attend a pass holder preview of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge, the Star Wars themed area of Disney’s Hollywood Studios that will soon be opening to the public. As a lifetime Star Wars fan I had a lot of feelings about what I saw there, what I did there, and some advice I’m giving myself for when I inevitably return. 

And that right there should probably tell you a lot about my experience. I will go back. But let’s get into this.

​First, just being in the park is amazing. As soon as you enter Galaxy’s Edge you feel as if you’ve completely left Hollywood Studios. It doesn’t feel like a section of Hollywood Studios the way Toy Story Land does (another recent addition to the park). It really feels like you’re in a Star Wars theme park. And the visuals are amazing. They’ve done a masterful job of creating a landscape that is so unmistakably Star Wars it was hard not to feel like a little kid again.

Chewbacca walks around, interacts with guests, and so do Stormtroopers, Kylo Ren, and other  officers of the First Order. We actually watched a First Order officer ream out a teenager (a guest of the park) for slouching. There are beep-booping droids seemingly around every corner and enough parked space vehicles to make you feel like smuggling some kyber crystals.
#wsite-video-container-468723711641057655{ background: url(//www.weebly.com/uploads/b/5911840-3075... } #video-iframe-468723711641057655{ background: url(//cdn2.editmysite.com/images/util/video... } #wsite-video-container-468723711641057655, #video-iframe-468723711641057655{ background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position:center; } @media only screen and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2), only screen and ( min-device-pixel-ratio: 2), only screen and ( min-resolution: 192dpi), only screen and ( min-resolution: 2dppx) { #video-iframe-468723711641057655{ background: url(//cdn2.editmysite.com/images/util/video... background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position:center; background-size: 70px 70px; } } For me, the best part of Galaxy’s Edge was being there—just seeing it. And the moment it all really hit was when we made our way to the back of the area, turned a corner, and saw the full-scale Millennium Falcon before us. Or should I say above us? It’s massive.

And it takes you right back to that magical age, when long ago, in galaxy far, far away, you tried to use the force on a pile of rocks while Yoda coached you, or pretended to have a light saber battle with Darth Vader, or imagined you were blasting TIE Fighters at the guns of the Millennium Falcon.

​The visuals of the park are enough to warrant the trip. I did have a few disappointments, but my overall impression is this: If you’re a Stars Wars fan, seeing this park is something you’re absolutely going to want to do.
Now before we get down to the individual attractions, I’ll give this disclaimer for anyone planning a trip to Galaxy’s Edge. GET RESERVATIONS.

Seriously, plan ahead and get reservations where you can. Probably the most disappointing thing about Galaxy’s Edge was the distinct lack of things to do. And this is compounded by the fact that certain attractions can become reservation only if enough reservations are made. You can’t even wait in a standby line.

In fact, this was my single biggest disappointment with the pass holder preview, specifically. If this is an event to use pass holders as guinea pigs, or to reward faithful customers with a sneak preview, it was disheartening that we couldn’t even get in Oga’s Cantina because of reservations. Probably the thing I wanted to do the most, after the Millennium Falcon ride, and it wasn’t an option for us.

But let my disappointment serve as a warning to you. If this was how difficult getting into the Cantina was at a limited guest preview it will be nearly impossible once the park is open to the public. Oga’s Cantina, the Droid Depot (where you build your own droid), and Savi’s Workshop (where you make your own light saber) are all attractions you can make a reservation for. Given the popularity of Star Wars, these attractions might be reservation only for years. I’m not kidding. Try to get a fast pass for Avatar: Flight of Passage sometime. The popular attractions at Disney parks stay that way for years, not months.

So don’t get locked out like we did. GET RESERVATIONS if you’re planning a trip to Galaxy’s Edge.

With that said, we also made a choice between a building a light saber or a droid, and chose the Droid Depot. This was mostly because we wanted to see our dogs interact with a BB unit, but also because a droid costs is $100 and a light saber costs $200. Yes, that’s right parents with multiple children, save your pennies. Galaxy’s Edge is not for those light in the pocket.

Normally, I don’t really complain about the price of things, and usually feel like finding happiness with things you can afford is the way to go. But again, this speaks to the limited number of things to do at Galaxy’s Edge. If you don’t want to drop that kind of cash be aware there are not a ton of other options to fill your time. In fact—where Galaxy’s Edge is concerned—your ticket to Hollywood Studios will cover a ride on the Millennium Falcon and that’s it. Everything else is food or merchandise. Plan accordingly.

But enough with the depressing stuff. I don’t want it to sound like I’m panning Galaxy’s Edge. I’ll repeat: I plan to go back. And there was an area where you can see the beginnings of a second ride I’ve been told will open in December. I just want you to have all the info I can give for planning your trip, especially if you want to do everything.

A couple of quick hits:
Food and drink: This is another area where Galaxy’s Edge really shines. With the exception of Oga’s Cantina there were plenty of places for a snack or meal. Kat Saka’s Kettle if your interested in popcorn that is sweet, savory, and also spicy; Ronto Roasters for quick meaty fare; Docking Bay 7 for more seating and food options; and the Milk Stand if you’ve been dying to try that blue milk that’s been a Skywalker staple for years. Given that Galaxy’s Edge is not a massive park, there were good options for eating.

Gift Shops: Costumes, costumes, kids toys, and more costumes. If you want to dress up, Galaxy’s Edge is your place. Resistance, First Order, Jedi, Sith, you name it. I’m not exactly sure why the gift shops were so skewed toward dress up merchandise, but they really were. I was hoping for a large selection of tee shirts, but nope. Costumes and kid toys. You want a Chewbacca tee, sorry. You want a $5,000 Stromtrooper outfit, bingo. You want a Yoda staff, you got it. Poe Dameron’s helmet, yup.

Now let me tell you what it was like to build a droid — Droid Depot
My wife chose the droid and built it while I watched, but the experience was no less entertaining. After making your way through the line—where you are given a part menu, and where you can view a display of the parts along the wall—you enter the construction room. Droid parts cycle across the ceiling like a dry cleaner for interstellar junkers, and there is enough beeping and booping sounds to spin BB-8’s head off.

You have the choice to make an R2 unit or a BB unit. Had it been my choice, I would have been boring and made a replica of R2-D2, but my wife chose to make a purple BB unit. She paid for the droid and was given a tray detailing which parts to look for on a conveyor belt. The conveyor belt is a novel way to pick your droid’s parts. It was fun and feels very authentic to Star Wars. Unfortunately, I have another warning—especially for those with children. You pay for the droid before you pick the parts from the conveyor belt, and you’re not paying for exact parts. So if they are out of the design you had your heart set on… tough luck. They ran out of purple BB-8 heads, so the all purple BB-8 my wife wanted to make had to be a purple and black droid instead. An easy thing for an adult to get over, maybe not for a kid. So just be aware.

Once all the parts were gathered, we were ushered to an assembly table where my wife worked on our little BB. Again, a really fun way to interact with what is basically a merchandise purchase. You even get to drill the head together. And once assembly is complete, a cast member activates the little droid, gives it a test run, helps you box it up, and then you're off.

But the experience doesn’t stop there. Your droid is now alive, and our BB unit had all sorts of beeps to tell us as we passed other droids in the park, and all sorts of boops to give when the First Order came too close. Our BB-8 became a member of our party. And if you really want to flesh out your new friend, Galaxy’s Edge has personality chips you can buy for your droid and pouch carriers for you to wear your droid around the park while it reacts to the world of Galaxy’s Edge.

​As much as the little boy in me wanted a light saber, the droid is a far better buy in my opinion. It remains a part of Galaxy’s Edge and the Disney Resorts, as a whole. Our BB unit went crazy when we entered the lobby of our resort at Coronado Springs. He even woke my wife up in the middle of the night because she forgot to power him down. And then when we returned home to our dogs… yeah, our BB-8 is a lot of fun. #wsite-video-container-913858280273883118{ background: url(//www.weebly.com/uploads/b/5911840-3075... } #video-iframe-913858280273883118{ background: url(//cdn2.editmysite.com/images/util/video... } #wsite-video-container-913858280273883118, #video-iframe-913858280273883118{ background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position:center; } @media only screen and (-webkit-min-device-pixel-ratio: 2), only screen and ( min-device-pixel-ratio: 2), only screen and ( min-resolution: 192dpi), only screen and ( min-resolution: 2dppx) { #video-iframe-913858280273883118{ background: url(//cdn2.editmysite.com/images/util/video... background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position:center; background-size: 70px 70px; } } But the greatest moment of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge and the reason every Star Wars fan has to put this on their bucket list:

Millennium Falcon: Smuggler’s Run
A huge benefit of the pass holder preview was that the line for this ride was relatively short. We only waited about 45 minutes. One of the cast members at the Coronado Springs Resort said Walt Disney World will be shutting down a section of highway the day Galaxy’s Edge opens to the public, so you can get an idea of how popular this part of the park will be. Avatar: Flight of Passage is usually a 2-3 hour wait, and this line will surely be longer, even after months of being open.

​But I really think the wait will be worth it for two very distinct moments. The first is the room you enter before the cockpit of the Falcon. You’re allowed a good five minutes to hang out in the room with the chess board. Memories of the iconic scene where C-3PO tells R2-D2 to “let the Wookiee win” flood your synapses with nostalgia. You can sit at the table and snap a pic. I felt like a total nerd, but a happy nerd. I was in the Millennium Falcon with a moment to breath and take it all in.
And the next distinctive moment was walking into the cockpit. I’m pretty sure I didn’t blink for five straight minutes. You enter with a crew of six; two pilots, two gunners, and two engineers. I was an engineer. Then you buckle in and get ready for take off.

Now an unfortunate aside from all my gushing. I have to be real for a minute. Disney wants you to get in line for this ride repeatedly. There are three positions (pilot, gunner, engineer) and each position gives a little variation on the experience. Also, how you perform at those positions influences the ride. This is where things get a little muddy. I have no idea how our ride would have been different if we performed better. Also, in no way do I want to pick on anyone, but one woman in our crew didn’t perform any of her tasks. She was nervous and buried her head for most of the ride. Did this make our ride worse? Our ride seemed overly bumpy, was that her fault? I really don’t like the idea that a ride I might wait hours for can be negatively affected by someone else. Also, the tasks themselves really took away from the overall experience. I wanted to look out the cockpit window as we zoomed from location to location and take it all in, but the flashing buttons to my right side I had to press for my engineer tasks constantly pulled my attention away. If I’m being honest and evaluating this ride objectively, I wasn’t all that impressed. There are far better rides in the Disney parks, not to mention the Universal parks. Smuggler’s Run might not crack the top 10 and it will definitely be the longest wait in all of Orlando.

But… it’s the FREAKIN’ MILLENNIUM FALCON!!!
LOOK AT THESE PICS!!!
​For more pics of Galaxy’s Edge check out my facebook page.

And if you’re a Star Wars fan like me, check out my novels. They’re all heavily influenced by 70s and 80s sci-fi and fantasy just like Star Wars.

Thanks for reading, and maybe I’ll see you on my next trip to Galaxy’s Edge.
– Dylan Lee Peters

At the end of this month I will be giving one lucky person three signed paperbacks for FREE.

All you have to do to enter is provide an email address. Yup, that’s it. Sign up for my free newsletter at dylanleepeters.com and you’re entered. It’s really as easy as giving me your email address.

Already signed up for my newsletter? Then you’re already entered for the giveaway.

Not only that, but once you are signed up for my newsletter you will be automatically entered to win any giveaway I do in the future, as long as you’re still subscribed when the giveaway takes place. Not a bad trade off for one email address, right?

So what are you waiting for? Free books might be in your future!

​This giveaway ends July 30, 2019. Enter NOW!

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I posted this over a year ago, and I thought it was a good time to give it another run. Online reviews drive business in the modern world. At times, not having reviews can be more damaging than negative reviews. People want to see that a product is at least gaining opinions. So if you’ve read one of my books, PLEASE go to either Amazon.com or Goodreads.com and review it. Pretty please. Book reviews save lives, it's proven science. AND there are really good reasons to do it.
 
Reasons why you should review books you've read:
 
1. You’re tired of the entertainment industry rehashing the same old stuff.
Are you sick of getting a new Spiderman movie every five years with all new actors and the same old origin story? Can’t believe they’re trying to turn another TV show from the 80s into a movie? Can’t help but wonder why they never seem to give a chance to new and original stories? It’s because the people in this world with power and money are not necessarily great creators. They’re not even people who have great opinions. They are just people with a lot of money, and they don’t want to invest money in something that won’t be successful. So they stick to the same old stuff that has worked in the past, because all they care about is making more money.
Your review is the only way you can let those people know you’ve found something new, original, and worthy of their investment. Seeing a review is the only way those bigwigs will give something new a chance.
 
2. Do you believe in the Shop Small principle?
Independent authors are the “little guy” of the novel market. We aren’t backed by big publishing houses with a ton of money to sink into advertising. We don’t have big names that will help us sell books for years and years. It’s hard for us to get readers, because it’s hard for us to get people to notice us.
The only way the little guy gets noticed is if people give us reviews. It’s the same principle as with your favorite local eatery, and your favorite local boutique shop. Independent authors have the same struggles. Reviews are our lifeblood.
 
3. Did you read a book that was free?
Why do you think the author is giving their book away for free? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not because we think of ourselves as a non-profit organization just trying to increase the readership of the poor or downtrodden. We are not literary Jesuses. (Is Jesuses plural for Jesus? Or is it Jesi?). We are trying to get reviews.
It’s an unspoken social contract, just like the food sample booth at a festival. “Here’s a taste. If you like it come back and buy some, and please tell your friends.” Giving a review is an incredibly easy, quick and free way to reward someone who gave you something for free.
 
4. Did you really like a story/character and want to see it/them continue?
Authors usually won’t keep going with something they don’t think was very successful. Let them know if you want more. Don’t be shy. I mean, don’t get weird about it like that lady in Stephen King’s Misery, but you know what I mean. This is one of the instances where someone really wants your opinion. Take advantage of it. Review the book. You might very well be the reason a series goes one book longer, or the reason a character is resurrected for another book.
 
So, there you go. I asked nicely (did you notice the pretty please?), and gave you four good reasons why you should take a minute to review the books you read. Who knows, your review could help make a career, or your lack of a review could help end one. You have a lot of power. Use it!
 
And if you have read and reviewed one of my books, thank you. I will always be sincerely grateful for the time you took to do so, and you may have improved my life and warmed my heart in ways you’ll never know. Again, THANK YOU!

Oh, and here's a fifth good reason: IT'S EASY
You really don't even have to type words. You can just click the stars and you're done. Clicking the stars can even be fun. Here, I'll even get you started:

Here's the link to my Goodreads page
You can click all sorts of stars there!

And here's my Amazon page
Again, a great place to find things to give stars to!

And remember: Every time you give a book five stars an angel gets their wings. It's proven science!

I can’t really believe it’s been over ten years since I started writing about the Everflame, the bears of gray mountain, and all the rest. I’m thankful for my love of writing as well as the much needed creative outlet it brings to my life. Yet what I look back on and feel even more thankful for—and amazed by—is the people who have supported me along the journey.

No one in this world gets to do what they love without help and support from others. It is a fact both sobering and humbling. I don’t take it for granted.

And the journey hasn’t been smooth, either. I was a fool when I first uploaded the manuscript of Everflame to Amazon. I almost literally had no idea what I was doing. I wrote a book, didn’t bother to have it edited, and said, “here you go world, tell me what you think.” They did, and if I didn’t have thick skin then, I most assuredly do now. Some of the reviews I received felt like a punch in the gut. And the thing I had to come to terms with was that I deserved those punches. I deserved the criticism. I wasn’t a good writer then, and whether or not I am now I know one thing certainly: I’m a hell of a lot better.

But you know… I wouldn’t have gotten better if it wasn’t for you. Because if it wasn’t also for the reviews and support I received that told me how much people enjoyed the story of Evercloud and the Everflame, I wouldn’t have had the motivation to continue. I wouldn’t be here over ten years later ready to give you a new tale of the Everflame.

This is your book.

You made this happen.

So sincerely, truly, thank you all. I couldn’t have done this without you.

​– Dylan Lee Peters
Everflame: Mystic Wild releases tomorrow and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

When I was a child I had a recurring dream for years. Even today, I can remember it with such vivid clarity that I feel it clotted in my stomach like a rag drenched in old frying oil. I feel it around my neck, squeezing.


The dream was quick. Not one of those all-nighters where you travel from place to place, long into the wee hours of the night. It came like a slap in the face, or like a jump into a cold lake… and yet it seemed so benign.


I dreamed a coil of thread.


It was just a simple spiral of thread, but it filled my entire frame of vision from top to bottom, from left to right, as if I were very very close to it. It was a tattered brown-red coil of frayed fibers, and it was all I could see. At first, it wouldn’t move at all, and I would peer into the center of the coil, the dark abyssal center, my vision panning forward so it seemed to widen and gape.


Then, suddenly, once I couldn’t get any closer, the coil would spin. It spun like madness, so fast I thought if I blinked it might be gone. But the coil never went anywhere, it just spun, the end of its thread being pulled somewhere out of the picture.


Eventually, it would feel as if I were the coil, moving a million miles an hour but going nowhere. Every aspect of my being was rushing, rushing, panicked, rushing. My breaths came quick, rasping, desperate, and I felt like I was falling, falling—falling forever.


It terrified me to be motionless and yet feel like I was racing so fast I would explode in a crescendo. All I could do was fixate on the dark center of the coil as it spun like a vortex, turning faster and faster and faster, while my chest grew tighter and tighter and tighter until I thought I would die or go mad. Then everything would just—


Stop.


And this is when you would say the nightmare was over; when I would wake up. You would think that. A normal person would think it was all just a strange version of the classic falling dream, where the person wakes up just before they smash against the ground. For years, when I remembered the dream, I would tell myself that was where I woke up. I would tell myself that when the coil stopped spinning, the nightmare ended. Yet as I grew older I realized that was just a lie I told myself, because that’s not really what happened when the coil stopped, when the racing panic stopped.


You see, I was still there when the coil stopped, when the thread disappeared, when all that was left was the black vortex in the center. I was still there. Still trapped. Still dreaming. And the worst part of the nightmare, the part I sometimes repressed in later memory, was the feeling that I was dreaming of death.


I dreamed the panic of knowing an end was coming and then continued to dream that end. I experienced the blackness. I felt it. I breathed in the vacuum of nothing. I existed in that non-space where nothing exists, where the simple idea of nothing is too much of anything.


I remember feeling at that moment that my heart was a shadow, and it would never be more than a shadow again. I remember settling in that dark place. I remember existing there. I remember thinking I was dead inside.


Yet… I was so wrong about that dream.


What I never realized until now, until this very moment, was the power in living through the end. To absorb all the darkness and endure is to show strength indomitable. To be surrounded by such emptiness and still be full is power. To be riddled with fear but continue to find courage is might. To take the abuse of the world and still be left standing means I am made of so much more than can ever be taken from me.


In the darkness, I am light kept alive by a heart of flame. Thanks for reading and please check out Everflame: Mystic Wild for kindle!
– Dylan Lee Peters