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Can it really be true that everything happens for a reason? As amazing as it sounds, it is. There is significance in every event of our lives, from the most joyful and empowering to the inexplicable or seemingly unjust. In Everything Happens for a Reason, psychotherapist Mira Kirshenbaum encourages us to discover the meaning in what has happened to us, seeing these experiences as gifts, lessons, or opportunities. Building on more than twenty-five years of clinical research, Kirshenbaum helps us decode the confusing or unfortunate moments in our lives and find solace and strength.
232 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2004
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews
July 29, 2019
A simple but insightful book for finding meaning and purpose by treating ourselves better and seeing the hidden reason for why things happen. The book has some good lessons around the themes of finding passion, moving beyond failure and flaws and practicing forgiveness. However, I stopped short of 5 stars, as I found certain areas repeated themselves with some advice bordering on clichés.
April 15, 2010
A powerful book!!! This is a book to keep on your self whenever your are going through a struggle in life to find the meaning...
February 22, 2017
Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives
You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. ― Maya Angelou
My wife and step-children gave me this book for Christmas because I always say, “Everything happens for a reason.” My mother and father both used to say the same thing, but of course, I didn’t believe them. In fact, when I went to college I was a huge existentialist. It wasn’t until many years later, after I had graduated law school and was at the funeral of an uncle; I was sitting next to my mother. My mother’s cousin was looking at both of us for a long time and finally said, “Hey, Lucy. Look at your son next to you. Did you ever think things would work out like they have?” It took me a while to figure out what she meant, but when I did, it was like a light bulb going off over my head. And from that point forward, my tough existential mantle began to deteriorate until it finally crumbled.
So it was with great anticipation that I read Ms. Kirshenbaum’s book Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives. She is not only a best-selling author, but a practicing psychotherapist. Her theory – that life is a “cosmic kindergarten” – that a silver lining can be found in the darkest cloud, and the fact that each life-changing event is a teaching moment, is based upon her own experience as the child of Holocaust survivors and from client case studies from her professional practice. According to the author’s thesis, there are ten principal reasons why people experience hardship in their lives; they are: 1) to help you feel at home in the world; 2) to help you totally accept yourself; 3) to show you that you can let go of fear; 4) to bring you to the place where you can feel forgiveness; 5) to help you uncover your true hidden talent; 6) to give you what you need to find true love; 7) to help you become stronger; 8) to help you discover the play in life; 9) to show you how to live with a sense of mission; and 10) to help you become a truly good person.
The author devotes a chapter to each reason. Like a scientist, she lays the foundational proposition up front and then dissects and analyzes the elements, backing up her suppositions with stories of real people or her own life experiences. Obviously, the approach is very clinical in nature which is somewhat of a nice departure from other books on the subject. Most books on the topic fall somewhere between pseudo-science and the occult. There is a self-diagnostic test supplied in each chapter which invites readers to diagnose whether or not they fit into that particular category. A caveat expressed by the author, however, notes that the diagnostic tests (like the diagnoses) are not engraved in stone and there may be multiple overlaps in categories.
While a scientific approach is certainly welcomed over the mystical, occultish, leave-it-in-the-hands-of-God approach, it is, in my opinion, a bit too restrictive. While the basis of the book’s thesis falls short of Jungian synchronicity (and an in-depth foray into quantum physics), from a pedagogical standpoint, it is too didactic at times. Indeed, while I’ll buy that bad things happen for a reason, I do not agree that we always can ascertain, diagnose, categorize, and somehow apply the lesson to be learned in our daily lives. Sometimes, the answers just do not fall into neat categories. Nor do they always materialize in our lifetimes – at least that’s my own theory.
Nevertheless, Everything Happens for a Reason is a satisfying, though provoking read.
To circle back to my opening story – that is, the time I had my epiphany and became a convert and believer in that everything happens for a reason. I’d wondered why my mother’s cousin asked her that question at my Uncle’s funeral, if she ever would have imagined that things could work out the way they did. I put the puzzle together shortly thereafter. You see, my mother’s first husband committed suicide. She met and married my dad (who had lost his wife to cancer) many years later and then became pregnant. The fetus, however, was strangled to death by its umbilical cord about six months into the pregnancy. Back then, it was necessary for my mother to carry the dead baby to term. She still possessed the resiliency to try again and later became pregnant with me. So my very existence, as well as my children’s, is borne from a series of devastating, life-altering circumstances. If those terrible, earth shattering things had not happened to my mother and father, I would not be here and this review would never have been written.
You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. ― Maya Angelou
My wife and step-children gave me this book for Christmas because I always say, “Everything happens for a reason.” My mother and father both used to say the same thing, but of course, I didn’t believe them. In fact, when I went to college I was a huge existentialist. It wasn’t until many years later, after I had graduated law school and was at the funeral of an uncle; I was sitting next to my mother. My mother’s cousin was looking at both of us for a long time and finally said, “Hey, Lucy. Look at your son next to you. Did you ever think things would work out like they have?” It took me a while to figure out what she meant, but when I did, it was like a light bulb going off over my head. And from that point forward, my tough existential mantle began to deteriorate until it finally crumbled.
So it was with great anticipation that I read Ms. Kirshenbaum’s book Everything Happens for a Reason: Finding the True Meaning of the Events in Our Lives. She is not only a best-selling author, but a practicing psychotherapist. Her theory – that life is a “cosmic kindergarten” – that a silver lining can be found in the darkest cloud, and the fact that each life-changing event is a teaching moment, is based upon her own experience as the child of Holocaust survivors and from client case studies from her professional practice. According to the author’s thesis, there are ten principal reasons why people experience hardship in their lives; they are: 1) to help you feel at home in the world; 2) to help you totally accept yourself; 3) to show you that you can let go of fear; 4) to bring you to the place where you can feel forgiveness; 5) to help you uncover your true hidden talent; 6) to give you what you need to find true love; 7) to help you become stronger; 8) to help you discover the play in life; 9) to show you how to live with a sense of mission; and 10) to help you become a truly good person.
The author devotes a chapter to each reason. Like a scientist, she lays the foundational proposition up front and then dissects and analyzes the elements, backing up her suppositions with stories of real people or her own life experiences. Obviously, the approach is very clinical in nature which is somewhat of a nice departure from other books on the subject. Most books on the topic fall somewhere between pseudo-science and the occult. There is a self-diagnostic test supplied in each chapter which invites readers to diagnose whether or not they fit into that particular category. A caveat expressed by the author, however, notes that the diagnostic tests (like the diagnoses) are not engraved in stone and there may be multiple overlaps in categories.
While a scientific approach is certainly welcomed over the mystical, occultish, leave-it-in-the-hands-of-God approach, it is, in my opinion, a bit too restrictive. While the basis of the book’s thesis falls short of Jungian synchronicity (and an in-depth foray into quantum physics), from a pedagogical standpoint, it is too didactic at times. Indeed, while I’ll buy that bad things happen for a reason, I do not agree that we always can ascertain, diagnose, categorize, and somehow apply the lesson to be learned in our daily lives. Sometimes, the answers just do not fall into neat categories. Nor do they always materialize in our lifetimes – at least that’s my own theory.
Nevertheless, Everything Happens for a Reason is a satisfying, though provoking read.
To circle back to my opening story – that is, the time I had my epiphany and became a convert and believer in that everything happens for a reason. I’d wondered why my mother’s cousin asked her that question at my Uncle’s funeral, if she ever would have imagined that things could work out the way they did. I put the puzzle together shortly thereafter. You see, my mother’s first husband committed suicide. She met and married my dad (who had lost his wife to cancer) many years later and then became pregnant. The fetus, however, was strangled to death by its umbilical cord about six months into the pregnancy. Back then, it was necessary for my mother to carry the dead baby to term. She still possessed the resiliency to try again and later became pregnant with me. So my very existence, as well as my children’s, is borne from a series of devastating, life-altering circumstances. If those terrible, earth shattering things had not happened to my mother and father, I would not be here and this review would never have been written.
September 18, 2012
We always hear this phrase: "Everything happens for a reason," and the author tries to uncover the reasons behind the things that happens to us. She interviewed over a 100 people and found a pattern on the "whys" of the "seemingly random events" that transpire in our lives. It is an easy read and definitely a page turner. It is also full of lessons that we all need to know.
June 18, 2021
This honestly made me sad and I found that the reasons people gave for things happening for a reason were horrible and not worth the event happening in the first place in order to justify "growth".
August 21, 2019
I listened to most of this book on audio and I kept getting distracted so easily. It couldn't keep my attention for long periods of time. The first half felt somewhat repetitive, like the author was just repeating positive affirmations or generalizations. Most of this book was the author telling the stories of other people who have gone through something and found meaning in their lives because of it. There were some interesting stories, but they didn't seem to do anything for me. It felt like it was missing that literary pathos we all love in these types of books. Although, the author did end up sharing one of her experiences, but it wasn't until the end of the book. I think that if it was the first story, the whole book would have had a more personal touch. It was interesting enough to finish, but I definitely expected/wanted more. At least I got a good quote out of it!
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"Sometimes I think it's the best people among us who are most prone to a hunger for meaning."
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[2.5 stars ⭐⭐⭐]
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"Sometimes I think it's the best people among us who are most prone to a hunger for meaning."
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[2.5 stars ⭐⭐⭐]
August 23, 2023
Very insightful. I enjoyed this take on the notion. The simplicity makes it easy for people from all walks of life to appreciate and understand.
May 2, 2021
This book was published in 2004, and I was surprised that I had not heard of it before finding it in the bargain bin at Barnes & Noble.
People often say that "everything happens for a reason," but Kirshenbaum truly puts her money where her mouth is and shows that we not only can, but SHOULD look for meaning in the events in our lives. It's the only way to truly move forward.
She's not saying that you should be grateful that someone hurt you, for example, they are still responsible for their actions. But you need to know that you can recover and grow from the trauma you suffered.
She backs up this theory with the results of her research and experience as a psychologist. In helping people find the meaning of painful events in their lives, she was able to identify 10 categories or reasons that the meaning people find fall into.
She also helps us, the readers, to determine which category we might fall into. Each chapter has diagnostic questions to aid in our search. At first I was a little doubtful and impatient because none of the questions in the first few chapters really applied to me.
Then, I hit Chapter 5: Buried Treasure - "To help you uncover your true hidden talent." I had some 'yes' answers on this assessment, and I have found things I didn't know I could do as a result of some difficult recent circumstances.
Now I was interested. :)
Moving right along, I came to Chapter 7: Solid Like a Rock - "To help you become stronger." Wow, I had a 'yes' answer to almost every question in that chapter. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense for me. I do think this is my reason.
Of course, Kirshenbaum points out that one could most definitely have multiple reasons or meanings in one event. There are no hard and fast rules to this process. The main emphasis that I got from this book is that it's not being a Pollyanna, or indulging in wishful thinking to expect some meaning from a traumatic event. On the contrary, meaning is something that everyone should take the time to look for.
I like this message very much and as a result, I think everyone should read this book. It will help you put the past behind you, be the best person you can be, and move on to a brighter future.
People often say that "everything happens for a reason," but Kirshenbaum truly puts her money where her mouth is and shows that we not only can, but SHOULD look for meaning in the events in our lives. It's the only way to truly move forward.
She's not saying that you should be grateful that someone hurt you, for example, they are still responsible for their actions. But you need to know that you can recover and grow from the trauma you suffered.
She backs up this theory with the results of her research and experience as a psychologist. In helping people find the meaning of painful events in their lives, she was able to identify 10 categories or reasons that the meaning people find fall into.
She also helps us, the readers, to determine which category we might fall into. Each chapter has diagnostic questions to aid in our search. At first I was a little doubtful and impatient because none of the questions in the first few chapters really applied to me.
Then, I hit Chapter 5: Buried Treasure - "To help you uncover your true hidden talent." I had some 'yes' answers on this assessment, and I have found things I didn't know I could do as a result of some difficult recent circumstances.
Now I was interested. :)
Moving right along, I came to Chapter 7: Solid Like a Rock - "To help you become stronger." Wow, I had a 'yes' answer to almost every question in that chapter. The more I think about it, the more it makes sense for me. I do think this is my reason.
Of course, Kirshenbaum points out that one could most definitely have multiple reasons or meanings in one event. There are no hard and fast rules to this process. The main emphasis that I got from this book is that it's not being a Pollyanna, or indulging in wishful thinking to expect some meaning from a traumatic event. On the contrary, meaning is something that everyone should take the time to look for.
I like this message very much and as a result, I think everyone should read this book. It will help you put the past behind you, be the best person you can be, and move on to a brighter future.
September 14, 2020
I would give it 2.5 stars. The book presents an interesting prism of thought, but it's annoying when authors talk about themselves too much or put in comedic lines that fall flat. While I like the ideas presented, I'm not sure I'm a fan of "answer the following 5 questions to see if this applies to you!" as presented in 10 of the chapters. Also, be warned that you are supposed to engage with this book when you have some specific incident in mind that you are wondering about. Having that focused analysis might have made for different reading. I read the book without any one thing in mind, I was looking for broader discussion and had many things swirling around in my mind, which made it difficult to follow the patterns of the book.
October 25, 2021
I’m a person who loves spiritual books whether that be Power of Now, Many Lives Many Masters or A Course in Miracles. I bought this book on a whim because it was on sale and honestly, wrote it off after reading a couple pages.
I can’t believe how wrong I was to write this book off. After sitting on the shelves of my living room for the better part of four months I finally picked it up and I am SO glad I did.
Mira writes in a way that is very simple and easy to understand, but that does not take away from the messages she is conveying.
If you are looking for a quick and easy read I highly recommend this book, and you just might get some insights into your own life at that.
I can’t believe how wrong I was to write this book off. After sitting on the shelves of my living room for the better part of four months I finally picked it up and I am SO glad I did.
Mira writes in a way that is very simple and easy to understand, but that does not take away from the messages she is conveying.
If you are looking for a quick and easy read I highly recommend this book, and you just might get some insights into your own life at that.
March 3, 2020
This was the first non-fiction book I’ve read in MANY years . I got this book from my mother a while back after my first heartbreak , and I’m gonna be straight up in saying that this would of not helped me . The book makes a few distinct points but the topic of “God” has never comfort me in life . I hate feeling like religious people push God as being the cure for everything in life , when people believe in many things .
July 6, 2008
Interesting book...makes you think about what has happened in your life and how it made you are today.
January 26, 2021
This book is full of valuable points on how to pick yourself up after falling down in life. However the constant references to God and repetitive nature of the storytelling makes it feel very dated.
November 9, 2021
We have all had faced adversity or difficulty in our life...health setbacks, prodigal children, a friend with cancer, a career ambition that didn't matriculate, a fight with a loved one that has frozen a relationship, a loss of a job, an unexpected move. Do they happen for a reason? Is there a bigger lesson to be learned?
Kirshenbaum lays out 10:
1) To help you feel at home
2) To help you accept yourself
3) To let go of fear
4) To learn to forgive
5) To help uncover hidden talent
6) to give you what you need to find love
7) To become stronger
8) To learn to play
9) To develop a sense of mission
10) To become a good person
Sometimes helpful advice. Sometimes this book plays on your emotions as each chapter starts with a few haunting "diagnostic questions in italics (Are you a restless soul? Are you looking for something you haven't found? Did you have a hard time fitting in in high-school). Well if you answered yes to these vague questions this chapter applies to you. This part was rather corny and to self-helpish.
But still 3 stars-- it's OK to be introspective regarding difficult circumstances and look for reason.
Kirshenbaum lays out 10:
1) To help you feel at home
2) To help you accept yourself
3) To let go of fear
4) To learn to forgive
5) To help uncover hidden talent
6) to give you what you need to find love
7) To become stronger
8) To learn to play
9) To develop a sense of mission
10) To become a good person
Sometimes helpful advice. Sometimes this book plays on your emotions as each chapter starts with a few haunting "diagnostic questions in italics (Are you a restless soul? Are you looking for something you haven't found? Did you have a hard time fitting in in high-school). Well if you answered yes to these vague questions this chapter applies to you. This part was rather corny and to self-helpish.
But still 3 stars-- it's OK to be introspective regarding difficult circumstances and look for reason.
January 20, 2018
I loved this book. Things became clearer a little more. Loved the Mandy sayings and quotes from the book such as...When you discover the meaning of the events in your life, everything changes. The good that comes out of bad things that happen to you is to help you become your best, most authentic self.
The book talks about letting go of fear as the worst has already happened in your life, what else could happen that has not already happen.
The book gave a lot of great quotes to write down and come back to time and time again to refresh and remember. A great addition to my library.
The book talks about letting go of fear as the worst has already happened in your life, what else could happen that has not already happen.
The book gave a lot of great quotes to write down and come back to time and time again to refresh and remember. A great addition to my library.
February 22, 2019
A self help time with a positive lilt, and light smatterings of God wisdom, at least the authors version of God.
Kirshenbaum takes you to Cosmic Kindergarten and hands out ten points to illuminate the meanings of events in our lives. It is all good common sense and offers the opportunity to view past or present experiences from a view you might not have considered.
Like most self-help and pop psychology forays its best to keep an open mind and “chew the meat, spit out the bones” as you can find some thought provoking points in this offering.
Kirshenbaum takes you to Cosmic Kindergarten and hands out ten points to illuminate the meanings of events in our lives. It is all good common sense and offers the opportunity to view past or present experiences from a view you might not have considered.
Like most self-help and pop psychology forays its best to keep an open mind and “chew the meat, spit out the bones” as you can find some thought provoking points in this offering.
April 10, 2020
Here are the list of reasons why things happen from the book:
1. To help you feel at home in the world.
2. To help you totally accept yourself.
3. To show you that you can let go of fear.
4. To bring you to the place where you can feel forgiveness.
5. To help you uncover your true hidden talent.
6. To give you what you need to find true love.
7. To help you become stronger.
8. To help you discover the play in life.
9. To show you how to live with a sense of mission.
10. To help you become a truly good person.
If you want to know more, you’ll have to read the book!
1. To help you feel at home in the world.
2. To help you totally accept yourself.
3. To show you that you can let go of fear.
4. To bring you to the place where you can feel forgiveness.
5. To help you uncover your true hidden talent.
6. To give you what you need to find true love.
7. To help you become stronger.
8. To help you discover the play in life.
9. To show you how to live with a sense of mission.
10. To help you become a truly good person.
If you want to know more, you’ll have to read the book!
June 25, 2023
I was gifted this book, but from the title alone I know i would’ve bought it myself. I have always believed that everything happened for a reason but what this book does isn’t just explain that phenomena, but tells how you can pinpoint the reasons and what to make of them. I enjoy how there are questions for you as an individual to ask yourself so you can find what category the lesson is that you were meant to learn. I think there are many pieces I applied to my own life and that you could do if you ever find yourself stuck in one spot and want to be able to move forward.
November 18, 2018
This is one of the best books I have ever read that gives you your life back after tragedy, troubles and strife hit you so hard that you are not sure if you will ever be able to just make it to your knees again. So many important thoughts and inspirations are like water to those lost in the desert.
This book is a life-changer and I am giving out copies for several of my friends as Holiday gifts that is how valuable this book is.
Don't miss this one!
This book is a life-changer and I am giving out copies for several of my friends as Holiday gifts that is how valuable this book is.
Don't miss this one!
May 17, 2020
This book is an amazing book to make you realize that everything in your life happens for a reason. Kirshenbaum takes the reader through her own “cosmic kindergarten” to make the reader realize that the past is not a place to be, but to only shape you into the person that you are destined to me. I wouldn’t say that this is like “The Four Agreements” or “The Secret” type of law of attractions, but it does make you realize a lot about life in general in a spiritual direction.
July 23, 2021
I read this book when I was very vulnerable. I think it provides immediate comfort when in distress and you need help grounding yourself. I never finished the book entirely, because I lost interest halfway through. I’m reading it a second time, and in addition to some retrospective thoughts— it is very surface level, archaic, cliche, and heavily rooted in Christianity. I felt that certain stories that indicated trauma should not have been used as an example in the book.
Want to read
January 27, 2022
November 21, 2019
I bought this book after a loss in my life but didn’t read it after things got better. Then I experienced the same loss again. Then I decided to read this book to try and make sense from this. I think I learned that I wasn’t a good person and treated people poorly. The loss showed me this and my lesson is to be a better person and treat people better.
October 11, 2021
Lectura plana, el libro no te hace querer leer más, termina siendo monótono y sin mucho sentido de autoayuda, me lo recomendaron en una página de Facebook y no me gustó, pero seguí la lectura para ver si el final tenia alguna historia que cambiaría el sentido de la temática (algo así como un gran final) pero siguió siendo igual.
October 2, 2022
Insightful and practical book about the everything happens for a reason philosophy - how all past events in your life have one of 10 meanings, to help you: feel at home in the world, accept yourself, let go of fear, feel forgiveness, uncover true talent, find true love, become stronger, discover the play in life, live with a mission or become a truly good person.
January 24, 2024
I feel bad giving this book a 2 star rating because I do believe it could be helpful for someone who has no self-study practice. But this book is a level of self-reflection and trying to see the bigger picture that I have been practicing for as long as I can remember so it just feels super obvious and tedious.
July 6, 2021
I like the book because of the many ways I can identify reasons why things happen. The examples are obvious enough and relatable to everyday life. I always say that everything happens for a reason but the book provides additional support for what I already believed.
August 25, 2021
Esta bonito tener en cuenta que efectivamente todo pasa por una y mil (o diez) razones, pero creo que es importante el tener en cuenta que no sólo las situaciones difíciles de la vida son las que te llevan a aprender, también creo qué hay mucho que aprender en lo bueno por que cuando somos felices tomamos por sentado lo que hemos aprendido y lo que nos costó llegar ahí. Creo que es de esos libros que te encuentran.
August 9, 2022
Solid book. Good nuggets of knowledge and big key concepts. Examples of her therapy clients are a little to quick and easy if examples but do illustrate good points. Everything happens for a reason. There is meaning in everything even if it takes work and time to analyze and understand.
February 22, 2023
One of my favorite Re-reads. Helps you see life in a different prospective, and helps you find closure in situations that you have a hard time of accepting. I like to read this every year being that life is a forever changing experience.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews