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It All Started with Columbus
Book by armour, richard
129 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1953
3 people are currently reading
211 people want to read
About the author
Richard Armour
150 books37 followersRichard Armour, a college professor of English who specialized in Chaucer and the English Romantic poets, was best known as a prolific author of light verse and wacky parodies of academic scholarship. He was a professor of English at Scripps College in Claremont from 1945 to 1966.
Armour was raised in Pomona, California, where his father owned a drugstore. He graduated from Pomona College, where he was elected to Phi Beta Kappa, then obtained his master's and Ph.D. in English literature at Harvard. He was a Harvard research fellow at the Victoria and Albert Museum library in London.
Armour was raised in Pomona, California, where his father owned a drugstore. He graduated from Pomona College, where he was elected to Phi Beta Kappa, then obtained his master's and Ph.D. in English literature at Harvard. He was a Harvard research fellow at the Victoria and Albert Museum library in London.
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August 17, 2016I can’t understand why most of Richard Armour’s books are out of print. Because this guy, brilliantly knowledgeable and absolutely hilarious, surely ranks among the greatest humorists America’s produced. Whether he’s explaining Shakespeare, the classics of literature, the most famous women in history, or a history of war—or, actually, just about anything—Armour is deliciously funny. Funny in a laugh-every-line way, funny in a punny, irreverent, utterly delectable way.
In It All Started with Columbus, Armour sets out to explain American history. Political history, mainly, but also the history of business, of religion (the Mormons were led by a man named ‘Bigamy Young’), of exploration and society and more. It’s all pretty crazy, because he plays fast and loose with facts—if you think at all that you’re going to really learn anything, you’re barking up the wrong tree. (As a matter of fact, you’ll probably only be able to truly appreciate this book if you already know the basics of Americana—there are lots of punny references to popular culture, to history and folklore and literature, that make sense only if you already know something about the US).
But, to give you a taste of what you’ll encounter, random sentences from It All Started with Columbus:
‘All this time, there was not much happening in the New World, except that it was steadily growing older.’
‘The Mississippi basin remained in French hands until they grew tired of holding it and sold it for $15,000,000, which many thought was a high price for a second-hand basin.’
‘... where he spent a trying winter. Mostly he was trying to keep warm.’ and
‘... Wild Bill Hiccup, a man of few words, such as "Reach" and "Now git". He is said never to have killed a man except in self-defense, but he was defending himself almost constantly.’
Every chapter is succeeded by a set of questions (all as ridiculous as the chapters themselves) and at the end of the book is a glossary. (‘Communist: 1. A Communist. 2. (Americanism, unfortunately not yet obsolete) Anyone who disagrees with you.’ is an example of the definitions here).
Delightful little book. Not as much a treasure as Classics Reclassified (which remains my favourite Richard Armour book), but still thoroughly entertaining.
In It All Started with Columbus, Armour sets out to explain American history. Political history, mainly, but also the history of business, of religion (the Mormons were led by a man named ‘Bigamy Young’), of exploration and society and more. It’s all pretty crazy, because he plays fast and loose with facts—if you think at all that you’re going to really learn anything, you’re barking up the wrong tree. (As a matter of fact, you’ll probably only be able to truly appreciate this book if you already know the basics of Americana—there are lots of punny references to popular culture, to history and folklore and literature, that make sense only if you already know something about the US).
But, to give you a taste of what you’ll encounter, random sentences from It All Started with Columbus:
‘All this time, there was not much happening in the New World, except that it was steadily growing older.’
‘The Mississippi basin remained in French hands until they grew tired of holding it and sold it for $15,000,000, which many thought was a high price for a second-hand basin.’
‘... where he spent a trying winter. Mostly he was trying to keep warm.’ and
‘... Wild Bill Hiccup, a man of few words, such as "Reach" and "Now git". He is said never to have killed a man except in self-defense, but he was defending himself almost constantly.’
Every chapter is succeeded by a set of questions (all as ridiculous as the chapters themselves) and at the end of the book is a glossary. (‘Communist: 1. A Communist. 2. (Americanism, unfortunately not yet obsolete) Anyone who disagrees with you.’ is an example of the definitions here).
Delightful little book. Not as much a treasure as Classics Reclassified (which remains my favourite Richard Armour book), but still thoroughly entertaining.
January 16, 2016
Well well. :D
My humorous side was pretty tickled, though I do think they had to dig for some of them.
It was a little hard to laugh at some of it, since most American's don't actually know what really happened, say during the Civil War, or both World Wars.
But over all, it's a pretty good read.
Here are two of my favorite parts:
"Kit Carson was one of the famous frontiersman of his day. He was also a backwoodsman.
For this reason he is said to have known the West backwoods and forewoods.
As a young man he was a scout; as a boy he was a boy shout." -p.56
[Speaking of WWI]
"Our boys were under the splendid leadership of Pershing, while the British were stimulated by Haig and Haig. The Germans put their faith in generals named von Hindenburg, von Moltke, and von Zeppelin, and boasted that the was was "as good as von". The German soldiers were often called Huns by the Americans, and the ones with bad dispositionsjj were known as Sour Krauts." -p.100
My humorous side was pretty tickled, though I do think they had to dig for some of them.
It was a little hard to laugh at some of it, since most American's don't actually know what really happened, say during the Civil War, or both World Wars.
But over all, it's a pretty good read.
Here are two of my favorite parts:
"Kit Carson was one of the famous frontiersman of his day. He was also a backwoodsman.
For this reason he is said to have known the West backwoods and forewoods.
As a young man he was a scout; as a boy he was a boy shout." -p.56
[Speaking of WWI]
"Our boys were under the splendid leadership of Pershing, while the British were stimulated by Haig and Haig. The Germans put their faith in generals named von Hindenburg, von Moltke, and von Zeppelin, and boasted that the was was "as good as von". The German soldiers were often called Huns by the Americans, and the ones with bad dispositionsjj were known as Sour Krauts." -p.100
November 23, 2009
This book was assigned reading for my brother's high school World history class, and it sent him into hysterics, so I had to read it too. At the age of 10 a lot of it was beyond my knowledge, thus a lot went over my head, but by the time I too was in high school, I had fallen in love with this little book, and it totally skewed my view of the world from then on. Imagine my delight in digging it out of a storage box many years later, in time to share the joy with my kids!
March 10, 2019
Richard Armour, a humorist from years past, a Dr Seuss for adults, wrote this in his section on the Plymouth Colony:
"The ship on which they sailed was the Mayflower. In stormy weather the women and children descended below heaving decks, thus becoming the Mayflower descendants. There they huddled with the Colonial Dames and other early settlers and passed the weary hours comparing genealogies.
It was a long and perilous voyage across the Atlantic. Several times they were blown off their course. But finally, in 1620, which was a doubly memorable year because it was also the year in which they set sail, they sighted the rocky coast. The rock on which they landed they called the Plymouth Rock because it reminded them of another rock of the same name in England. They built a small picket fence around it and made a National Shrine.
The first four men ashore became our fourfathers." (Page 8)
My mother was an early fan of this author because he was a celebrity of the town she grew up in. I first started reading his books when I was 12, and it started a love for humor and history that still burns bright in my heart. He is fond of puns, loved footnotes (he was my first as it relates to footnotes - a valuable education when one realized what footnotes can do for a body of work!) and liberally sprinkles truth amongst the almost-, sorta-truths employed to render his snippets.
He is a man of his time. There are sensibilities in 2019 that were not yet held and/or defended in his days of writing. . .and may require a reader to develop a tolerance and understanding of context.
What I wouldn't give to have his take on our current political situations, adding our current POTUS to his line up of presidents this far!
He wrote many of these books, but this one deals with snippets of North American history from an immigration Western European perspective. The copy I'm reading actually has a handwritten note to the receiver of this book signed by the author, "Christmas 1955".
If you find one of these treasures in your bibliophilic journeys, grab it and settle down for a funny read. You'll laugh out loud if you get it. (If you aren't laughing you may need to Google it.) Oh, and don't skip the footnotes!!
"The ship on which they sailed was the Mayflower. In stormy weather the women and children descended below heaving decks, thus becoming the Mayflower descendants. There they huddled with the Colonial Dames and other early settlers and passed the weary hours comparing genealogies.
It was a long and perilous voyage across the Atlantic. Several times they were blown off their course. But finally, in 1620, which was a doubly memorable year because it was also the year in which they set sail, they sighted the rocky coast. The rock on which they landed they called the Plymouth Rock because it reminded them of another rock of the same name in England. They built a small picket fence around it and made a National Shrine.
The first four men ashore became our fourfathers." (Page 8)
My mother was an early fan of this author because he was a celebrity of the town she grew up in. I first started reading his books when I was 12, and it started a love for humor and history that still burns bright in my heart. He is fond of puns, loved footnotes (he was my first as it relates to footnotes - a valuable education when one realized what footnotes can do for a body of work!) and liberally sprinkles truth amongst the almost-, sorta-truths employed to render his snippets.
He is a man of his time. There are sensibilities in 2019 that were not yet held and/or defended in his days of writing. . .and may require a reader to develop a tolerance and understanding of context.
What I wouldn't give to have his take on our current political situations, adding our current POTUS to his line up of presidents this far!
He wrote many of these books, but this one deals with snippets of North American history from an immigration Western European perspective. The copy I'm reading actually has a handwritten note to the receiver of this book signed by the author, "Christmas 1955".
If you find one of these treasures in your bibliophilic journeys, grab it and settle down for a funny read. You'll laugh out loud if you get it. (If you aren't laughing you may need to Google it.) Oh, and don't skip the footnotes!!
April 27, 2017
Hilariously punny, delightfully irreverent. Richard Armour narrates the history of United States of America without a care for accuracy. He mainly aims to play with the words usually used in association with historical persons and events, and he does it brilliantly. Of course, this is not the type of humour everyone would like. I thought the best puns were those with literary allusions. Even though I am not well versed with American history, I could understand most of Armour's puns and references. All in all, an enjoyable read.
April 2, 2012
LOVED IT! (Well.... every single word/phrase/reference/inference that I *understood* was loved!) I smiled all the way through this book. It's the kind of extremely witty book that you want to share with an appreciate person each and every single paragraph (and sometimes, each sentence). You'll never enjoy history as much as you do when reading this. A true delight!
August 5, 2022
I enjoyed this book a lot more than It All Started With Europa because I am far more familiar with American history than I am with European history. There were still some parts of the book that I could tell were jokes but didn't understand them, but there were far fewer of those than in the other book. I enjoyed the humor and I also think he did a great job pointing out some of the inequities in history, especially regarding the Native Americans. However, I found it interesting (and maybe a sign of the time it was written) that Blacks were hardly even mentioned. There was a single two page section about "The Slavery Question" but outside of that, not a thing, somehow even missing from the Civil War section a few pages later. Whereas mentions of Native Americans were throughout the book.
Here are a few quotes to give you an idea of the style of the book:
Columbus, who was as confused as anybody who has been at sea for a long time, called the first people he saw "Indians." It is not known what they called Columbus. His unfortunate error has been perpetuated through the centuries. The original Americans are still known as "Indians," while all manner of immigrants from England, Ireland, Angora, and Lichtenstein are referred to as "Americans."* (footnote)* or by their mathematically inclined friends, "100 percent Americans."
One of these advantages, coveted by children ever since, was the opportunity of going to school, which is why schools all over America are named after one or another of the founding fathers, viz., Thomas Jefferson High School, Alexander Hamilton Grammar School, and P.S. 127.
General Taylor is remembered as the only president who ever rode a horse up the steps of the Capitol. Eminent historians agree that he was probably the only president who ever wanted to. At any rate, it is fortunate for the custodians of the building that this bad precedent has not been followed.
The radio is also called the wireless, especially in England. This is because, although there are a great many wires in it, there are less than there might be. The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.
All over the country, citizens who had been busy remembering the Alamo were now asked to remember the Maine. With so much to remember, nerves were on edge and war was inevitable.
And from the Glossary at the end...
America: Same as "United States of America", much to the annoyance of persons living in Canada and Latin American countries.
Funny book, definitely worth a read if you like American history (and maybe even if you don't haha)
Here are a few quotes to give you an idea of the style of the book:
Columbus, who was as confused as anybody who has been at sea for a long time, called the first people he saw "Indians." It is not known what they called Columbus. His unfortunate error has been perpetuated through the centuries. The original Americans are still known as "Indians," while all manner of immigrants from England, Ireland, Angora, and Lichtenstein are referred to as "Americans."* (footnote)* or by their mathematically inclined friends, "100 percent Americans."
One of these advantages, coveted by children ever since, was the opportunity of going to school, which is why schools all over America are named after one or another of the founding fathers, viz., Thomas Jefferson High School, Alexander Hamilton Grammar School, and P.S. 127.
General Taylor is remembered as the only president who ever rode a horse up the steps of the Capitol. Eminent historians agree that he was probably the only president who ever wanted to. At any rate, it is fortunate for the custodians of the building that this bad precedent has not been followed.
The radio is also called the wireless, especially in England. This is because, although there are a great many wires in it, there are less than there might be. The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.
All over the country, citizens who had been busy remembering the Alamo were now asked to remember the Maine. With so much to remember, nerves were on edge and war was inevitable.
And from the Glossary at the end...
America: Same as "United States of America", much to the annoyance of persons living in Canada and Latin American countries.
Funny book, definitely worth a read if you like American history (and maybe even if you don't haha)
August 2, 2021
That moment when you finally give in to the fact that all the people you could be great friends with, were born at least half a century before you.
There we go again. Another missed friendship, another person whom I could sit with and exchange stories. Inside jokes, silly puns, distortions and exaggerations and beneath this layer, a bitter and ruthless reality that we are forced to live in.
What's life if there are no stories to tell? And what purpose do stories serve if they are just plain and bland? And what do you need to get by this drab?
"I get by with a little help from my friends."
Richard Armour could be that friend for me.
There we go again. Another missed friendship, another person whom I could sit with and exchange stories. Inside jokes, silly puns, distortions and exaggerations and beneath this layer, a bitter and ruthless reality that we are forced to live in.
What's life if there are no stories to tell? And what purpose do stories serve if they are just plain and bland? And what do you need to get by this drab?
"I get by with a little help from my friends."
Richard Armour could be that friend for me.
December 12, 2023
I first read this book when I was 11 or 12 and found it laugh-out-loud funny. I even remember stealing a line or two for a school history report. I'm sure my teacher thought I was quite witty for my age. Its collection of puns, malapropisms and word play are still amusing, but be warned. Authors and publishers weren't quite as worried about political correctness in the early 60s as they are now. Some sections are even cringe worthy. But I still loved the book and it brought back fond memories. It helps to be more aware of U.S. history now than I was. I'm quite certain that a lot of jokes went right over my less learned head.
September 16, 2021
This author is great fun. A line from this book: The hero of the Western Front was Sergeant York, who captured several regiments of Germans by popping up in unexpected places and making noises like an armored division." I've read all of his books several times starting when I was in high school and they were newly published, but every few years, I pull them out and read them again.
May 22, 2023
This should be compulsory reading in all American schools. Perhaps then most school leavers will be more aware of what they've learned in their history lessons. The book is hilarious, and more so if one knows the History of America. The narrative bounces along, trampling on the mundane facts we learn in class to give the entire subject a spin. And the spinning never stops!
October 5, 2021
Amusing, but not even close to the level of Will Cuppy's "The decline and fall...".
November 22, 2011
A very funny book, but tends toward puns—not the highest form of humor. And this is not humor based on history, it is humor based on distortions of history. Most of the history is too mangled to be taken seriously; nor did the author intend it to be taken seriously. If you took this book seriously you might think that Eli Whitney's cotton gin was "a stimulating drink which enabled one man to do the work of fifty." You might believe that "The Mormon Conquest" was the taking of Utah by Mormons under Bigamy Young. Funny? Yes, of course, but this is not a text book. Don’t read it to learn history. Read it for the laughs.
Richard Armour does make some valid points, however. As when he describes Teddy Roosevelt’s unsuccessful attempts to start a war, then having to accept a Nobel Peace Prize as a consolation. There is some truth to that! And this book is quotable: “The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.”
Richard Armour does make some valid points, however. As when he describes Teddy Roosevelt’s unsuccessful attempts to start a war, then having to accept a Nobel Peace Prize as a consolation. There is some truth to that! And this book is quotable: “The great improvement of the radio over the telephone is that it may be turned off without offending the speaker.”
September 30, 2017
Another American once said that 'all history is bunk', and so is this book.
It cites an even older classic '1066 and all that' by Walter Carruthers & Robert Julian Yeatman Sellar as being its inspiration. This book I read when i was 12 and so I had high hopes and fond expectations for It all started with Columbus, but I was wrong.
Perhaps, seeing as it was written in 1953, that times have changed so much that what was once hilarious is no longer even amusing.
It cites an even older classic '1066 and all that' by Walter Carruthers & Robert Julian Yeatman Sellar as being its inspiration. This book I read when i was 12 and so I had high hopes and fond expectations for It all started with Columbus, but I was wrong.
Perhaps, seeing as it was written in 1953, that times have changed so much that what was once hilarious is no longer even amusing.
October 5, 2010
One of my high school English teachers thought Armour very funny and would read selections from some of his more literary satires to class when in a better-than-usual mood. I actually bought this thing for myself at the Park Ridge bookstore on Prospect and read it even though I didn't find it particularly funny. Was I trying to please a teacher whom I didn't think liked me very much?
October 23, 2014
From the era that inspired MAD magazine and Tom Lehrer, this book skewered MANY sacred cows of the time. My grandfather gave it to my father, and he gave it to me. As with jazz music, satire requires foreknowledge of the subject. You can't understand why it's funny unless you know to what the twists and jabs are directed.
January 21, 2010
My mom owned this book, and I loved to read it as a kid. To this day, I prefer my history with a dash of humor.
October 1, 2018
Complete silliness about U.S. history, up through 1961 (in the edition I had). Many of the jokes are dated, but I'm giving it 5 stars anyway, for sentimental reasons.
March 20, 2013
Not quite as good as Sellar and Yeatman, but still very funny.
November 6, 2014
A humorous look at American History. Light reading -very amusing. Highly recommend.
June 4, 2025
This book is so funny and irreverent, you can open it to any page and you’ll laugh at least once.
December 22, 2013
reread Feb 1977
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