How to Work with (Almost) Anyone: Five Questions for Building the Best Possible Relationships

by Michael Bungay Stanier

Your happiness and your success depend on your working relationships

The people you manage. How well you work with your boss. The way collaboration happens with colleagues and peers. How you connect with important prospects and key clients.

But the hard truth is most of us leave the health and fate of these relationships to chance.

We say “Hi,” exchange pleasantries … and hope for the best.

But every relationship becomes suboptimal at some point, whether it’s a good one that goes off the rails or one that was poor from the start.

Mostly we are resigned to the fact that this is what relationships always get a little broken, or a little stale, or a little worse. C’est la vie, c’est la guerre. Carry on.

But it doesn’t have to be like this.

Every working relationship can be better.

This book shows you how to build the best possible relationship.

One conversation. Five questions. Detailed guidance on how to prepare and set the relationship up for success. Key insights on how to maintain the relationship so that it will continue to thrive.

Genres: Business, Leadership, Nonfiction, Self Help, Communication, Personal Development, Audiobook

258 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 27, 2023

About the author

Hi - I'm a book reader, writer and lover.

I'm best known for *The Coaching Habit*, the best-selling book on coaching this century. (Close to a million copies sold!)

I'm also the host of the podcast *2 Pages with MBS* where brilliant people read the best two pages of a favourite book.

Reviews

[sheerin · Rating 1 out of 5]

no thanks i’d rather boil from the inside out at their incompetence on a daily basis

[Amanda (Mandy) Gavigan · Rating 5 out of 5]

How To Work with Almost Anyone by Michal Bungay Stanier answers the important question-How can I work better with my team, my bosses, my clients, and even my partner?

Written to encourage and inspire growth, make no mistake, not everyone can or should work together as Michael explains that like the name of the book most relationships are salvageable and capable of becoming their own version of the BPR (Best Possible Relationship) using the actionable steps taught within. Michael teaches readers how they can improve their relationships by asking 5 essential questions to build and improve working relationships in a straightforward manner.

Michael shares each of the 5 Keystone Conversations we all need to have in our arsenal to build successful working relationships. Michael artfully explains them in a way where readers can utilize this advice and apply these in every aspect of our lives. Each chapter holds handy exercises and worksheets that each reader can use to find their own strengths and growth patterns to assist with building their set of BPRs.

Business owners and managers need to read this book to improve their current team relationships to maximize the success and happiness of each working relationship. As they read and implement the lessons within, these practices will be felt further down the pipeline, especially if this group of people take accountability for their own faults and begin to take Michael’s advice.

A quick but thoroughly engaging book. This book should be reread every time a team changes, shifts, and whenever someone begins a new job. The tips within How To Work with Almost Anyone are invaluable and can be utilized in all aspects of your life. I would highly recommend it to anyone old enough to work.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.7
Felt very surface level compared to his past books
- some people have broken tool box & they are doing there best with it.
- Talk about how to work together not just what you are working on
- What have you learned from your best working relationship?
- Identify everyone’s super power.
- Both parties have to want to make it work, which is why the book says almost everyone.

[Leonard Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short, sweet, and super practical. I'm looking forward to using what I learned from reading this book in the upcoming academic year.

[Roxana Sabau · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short read, has some practical stuff that I will definitely use in the future. Got a bit simplistic here and there.

[Zoë Routh · Rating 4 out of 5]

simple and straightforward

But also profound. An easy and fast read with simple principles to develop and maintain better working relationships.

Did it need to be a book? Simple summary might have been more user-friendly.

[lizzie · Rating 1 out of 5]

одна з тих книг, де загалом непогану ідею можна передати 10 реченнями, але замість цього пишуть цілу книгу

багато води

[Jen J · Rating 4 out of 5]

Concise and practical

[Joanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short. To the point. Practical advice.

[Laurie Drake · Rating 4 out of 5]

As per usual, MBS has done it again. How to Work with Almost Anyone offers practical and usable advice for how to approach working relationships. The real magic of keystone conversation framework is that it asks us to make the implicit explicit and talk about what can go right and what can go wrong. Of course the content of the conversation matters. But what matter most is having the conversation in the first place. Doing this sets everyone up for a much better relationship.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I may have had a different experience with this book if I had read it instead of listening to the audio version. This was very hard to listen to and the fact that the author felt the need to read the very same introduction for each and every testimonial was just irritating after a while. Also, he references his website many times for extra documents etc. Well the site doesn't work so also kind of frustrating. Overall I was more annoyed with the book and probably didn't get as much out of it as I would have by reading it.

[Daria Williamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Like all MBS books, this is pithy, fun, and practical. And I love that the word "almost" is in the title because, let's face it, not everyone WANTS to get along with others.

This book will help you up your interpersonal skills and recognise opportunities to make things work better at work, home, and with friends and family.

[Amy Rhoda Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I picked up this book I thought I would be the usual stuff about relationships and conversations: active listening, finding common purpose, that kind of thing.

In fact, this book goes much deeper than that. It's actually about how to work together deliberately at the start of a relationship (and throughout) to establish an understanding of how the relationship can work best for both of you, and how to repair the relationship when things go wrong.

This book tells you how to be on purpose in working relationships.

Being "meta", or intentional, about relationships and conversations can be pretty awkward in a world that teaches you that the best relationships are effortless, natural and organic, and that if you have to talk about how to have a relationship, there's something wrong with the relationship.

But the fact is, we don't effortlessly and naturally understand each other, especially when we are in relationship with people from other generations or cultures. So having a framework to deliberately talk about your relationship is really valuable. (You just have to have the nerve to be the weird one and use it.)

Note that the idea of being deliberate in relationships, talking about what works for you and what doesn't, and regularly checking in to maintain and repair the relationship, will be very familiar to anyone in the polyamory community.

[Winifred · Rating 5 out of 5]

While this is an easy book to read because of the way that it's been written in a clear and pithy manner; the application of the skills taught will probably take a life time to master as the definition of #BestPossibleRelationship continue to evolve.

The five questions make perfect sense and the "Do This" and "Say this" in the book is very helpful to encourage readers to take action.

I was inspired by the chapter on "Orient: Know what's going on" as the underlying forces within any relationship is not easily addressed and yet the author did it quite elegantly.

What I appreciate the MOST is the author's position on the label of "soft skills" being his pet peeve and mine as well. Working with people requires knowledge, ability to manage and regulate one's emotions and maintain curiousity (among others), which are highly complex and they are not "soft". Thank you for highlighting this.

Highly recommended. Anyone can benefit from it if you cultivate the courage to DO and ACT on the suggestions in the book. I love his hopeful and optimistic goal in starting a movement to improve 10 millions working relationships.

[Peter · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wisdom...that sticks

Others, notably Brene´ Brown, Seth Godin and Amy Edmondson have commented on MBS’s ability to distill much needed wisdom in ways that are fun and accessible. In How to Work with (Almost) Anyone, Michael is at it again with a topic that I had not previously considered - starting any working relationship (as an employee, consultant or coach) with a Keystone Conversation that focuses exclusively on how to best work together in order to do what needs to get done.

The five questions that constitute the Keystone Conversation may sound like common sense, but in my experience are not common practice. MBS skillfully delivers content blended with quirky anecdotes that make you think, and smile, followed by exercises that challenge you to apply what you learn in real time to real working relationships.

I applaud Michael’s ambition to improve 10 million working relationships. I bought the book two weeks ago and it’s already impacted a dozen or so of my relationships. Buy the book and join the movement!

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heard this author on a podcast and really enjoyed the brevity and clarity of the book. Content is compelling and actionable. I appreciated the structure which builds upon a simple, but challenging premise: conducting “keystone conversations” with the sole intention of better understanding the other person and what makes them unique. This of course is counter intuitive for those who are very difficult to work with but worth considering further. What if we knew what made someone great, how they preferred to work, what they’ve learned from good experiences and what they’ve learned from bad experiences, and finally how they’ve fixed things when they go wrong? Answers to these questions would give us a more complete picture of our colleagues and perhaps even allow us to empathize with them. The section at the end asks leading questions for our own awareness and development. Found this to be a useful perspective to close the book. How can we understand and lead others if we don’t lead the most difficult person of all - ourselves.

[Yanal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Blinks:
Master workplace dynamics and improve your professional life.
1. Building stronger work relationships - Create a keystone conversation, one that keeps the relationship stable and strong, by asking the following questions: What's your best talent? What are your practices and preferences? What can you learn from successful past relationships? What can you learn from unsuccessful past relationships?
2. Keystone conversations - foundation of your best possible relationship. Create a safe space to ask questions and understand each other. Take the time to do this and don't rush. Ask the right questions.
3. Maintaining your best possible relationship - Nurture curiosity, embrace vulnerability, try to be a little kinder, adjust constantly, repair often, hit the reset button when necessary
4. Mapping facts, judgments, feelings, and wants - What are facts? Map this into 4 buckets: 1. data bucket, 2. Judgments, 3. Feelings, 4. Wants. What position am I in?
5. Navigating adjustments, repairs, and new beginnings -

[Tim Dellas · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook as a colleague wanted to read this. 3,5/5

"How to work with almost anyone" provides a questionnaire for opening a working or even a romantic relationship. The questions are useful for getting to know each others preferences and boundaries. Also, Bungay makes the important point to highlight how to repair the relationship when at some point the shit will hit the fan.

After I read "Supercommunicators" by Charles Duhigg lately, this falls a bit short. Where Duhigg highlights the many different ways that help you facilitate a deep and fruitful relationship, Bungay gives you a formula optimised for efficiency. Some may like this, and I can even see how people who struggle with communication can profit from this, but for me it feels like using crutches when all I want is run.

Could have been four stars, but the book felt a bit too lightweight for me. Also, the book was narrated by Bungay himself, and his lisp is just not too great for that – wished for a professional narrator instead.

[GiGi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another Gem by Michael Bungay Stanier

Where do you learn how to building great working relationships? In this book! Whether you are just starting out in your career or you've been around for a while in the workforce, you know that your happiness and success at work is dependent on the quality of the working relationships you have.

Think of all the relationships you have now and will have in your career. Do you know how to kick off new relationships well? Repair the ones that are wobbly? Strengthen the ones that are OK, but not fantastic?

This book offers five simple and powerful questions to build those relationships. And building relationships is a critical career skill as our relationships are always changing: new boss, new client, new teammates.

If you know Michael's other books, he offers effective and memorable suggestions that you can start using immediately.

#bestpossiblerelationships

[Tobias Zimmergren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book thought-provoking at times, and it gives anyone something to reflect on, which can help in learning more about yourself, your leadership, and how you interact with others.

It offers valuable insights that encourage self-reflection. The "Keystone Conversation" concept is quite interesting, helping you get a new perspective on work relationships. The questions within it serve as mirrors, revealing personal strengths and experiences. It has prompted me to contemplate my strengths, past successes, and challenges more deeply.

The book also provides a structured approach to addressing conflicts and nurturing relationships. In summary, this book delivers many considerations for building healthier work connections. While you may already exercise some of the traits expressed in this book, it serves as a good reminder for leaders and anyone looking to deepen their understanding of how others perceive them.

All-in-all, a good read.

[Allira · Rating 4 out of 5]

MBS has done it again with How To Work with Almost Anyone. Like The Coaching Habit and The Advice Trap, this book is practical, concise and full of insights.

The book is simple and elegant, but confuse “simple” with “easy” at your own peril. This is not a book focused on what the reader can do (solo, in isolation) to work better with others. It’s about relationships with others, which means there’s a level of vulnerability and messiness involved. There are also a number of self reflection exercises to help you figure out you first, before diving into having the Best Possible Relationship (BPR).

I appreciate the interesting and uncommon tidbits that open each chapter, linked to the idea to be introduced. I once heard MBS remark in an interview that (paraphrasing) people are tired of hearing the same anecdotes and citations. As someone who reads a lot, this extra effort to find something different fuels my interest and quiets my cynicism.

[Blaine Strickland · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this book, which is narrated by the author, via Audible. It's essentially a primer on relationship building, and is more of a resource guide than narrative. The positives of the audiobook are that the author has embedded many clips of various businesspeople expressing, in their own words, details of a powerful relationship they've had. These clips are the seasoning of the book - they add variety to the author's content. The negative aspect of the audiobook is that this book is really the manual for a course - there are many instances where the author wants you to stop and write down answers to his questions.

To me, the most valuable element of the book is the "agenda" for a keystone conversation. If you are struggling with a relationship, or want to make a relationship more enduring, the author advises you to undertake this keystone conversation. Other parts of the book were drawn from other familiar sources, and lessened the overall impact for me.

[Eric Nehrlich · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the conversational tone of MBS, and really appreciated his book The Coaching Habit for distilling his coaching expertise into seven questions. This book attempts to take the same approach to building relationships, but it feels a lot clunkier and not as intuitive, perhaps because the subject is so expansive and contextual.

The questions aren't as crisp as the ones in the Coaching Habit, and the description of how to have the initial conversation to create a "Best Possible Relationship" feels a little vague, perhaps because it's knowledge that is learned by doing, not reading.

That being said, there are some gems of insight sprinkled throughout this book, and I appreciate the basic premise that the way to improve our relationships is to consistently communicate about the state of the relationship and what is or isn't working for us.

[Keebler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love all of MBS' books. I work in an environment where I assist ten different school campuses, 7 elementaries and 3 secondary. So I work with a wide array of different personalities that range from very easy to work with, to "please let's not ever meet again."
I received this book in July at a coaching conference and since reading it have begun to use the steps and methods to repair relationships that I currently have at work. It is not a cure all or an instant fix, but I am making progress with these professional relationships that I did not have before. It is also helping with the influx of new employees this year.
I highly recommend this and any of MBS' books on building relationships and coaching others.

[Susan Wilson]

I was a bit disappointed. It’s perhaps that my expectations were so high because I LOVED The Coaching Habit and use it with my teams almost every day. The AWE question is my go to. This book felt erratic. Short snips of things, bouncing for here to there and left me with whiplash, and likely not to retain a lot of the content. The two key things I will take are not particularly linked to what the book proposed to do but they are: (1) I will use the tool of asking provocative questions and allow people 6 minutes to speak uninterrupted. It’s a great extension exercise moving on from AWE. (2) I will use the 6 Principles of Maintenance: Stay Curious, Vulnerable, Kind + Adjust always + Repair often + Reset as needed.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars - audiobook version.

This book was okay. It's my own fault for not paying close enough attention to the synopsis, but I thought it was going to be advice for working with "anyone" as in everyone and any person/personality. It's really focused on how to work with any one person and helping you design the conservation where you two outline to rules of engagement for your relationship. Not really my style but I can see how it could work well for others.

I also found the anecdote additions between chapters in the audiobook version to be a nice idea poorly executed. I quickly became annoyed with the repetitive introductory wording and the audio quality from each person varied greatly. Probably best to pick up the print version if you're considering this one.

[Eric Zimmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do you work with people? This is for you! A practical guide to improving your working relationships. Nothing is more important in my experience than the quality of our working relationships. In both making our lives at work more enjoyable, and making us more effective at work. This book is the best guide I found for how to improve those relationships quickly and simply. In his classic style Michael takes a difficult topic and distills the most important points down so you can take action quickly. This book is a fast read so you can get to work improving your relationships right away.

I highly recommend it.

[Amparo Cifuentes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Since "The Coaching Habit", I've enjoyed each and every single book that Michael Bungay Stanier has published. He always shares practical, doable, sensible advice that helps make a positive difference in your personal and professional life. His latest book, "How to Work with (Almost) Anyone" is essential for people who truly care for building the best relationships possible with family, colleagues at work, friends and other people we find ourselves sharing a part of our lives. Highly recommended!

[Robin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve really liked MBS’ other books, and while I didn’t dislike this one it also didn’t match my expectations. It provides guidance for establishing/supporting 1:1 relationships with colleagues/clients, but the guidance is more about how to invite specific people to thoughtfully engage in the relationship…I’d hoped more for guidance about what I can do to effectively navigate/mitigate challenging interpersonal dynamics (maybe the disconnect is that I’m reading this as a minion vs as a manager, or that many of my working relationships are relatively brief vs ongoing).

[Rhonda StCroix · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finally! An essential guide for any human in relationships

I always appreciate Michal Bungay Stanier's insights and this book is no exception.

A very helpful and readable resource. Michael has provided a coaching companion and a generous toolkit all in one. This is the first truly practical guide to psychological safety, human connection and to improving and/or repairing working relationships. I wish I had this book 35 years ago as I was starting my career.