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Hints on Child Training
This book has been called the "single best volume on the subject of child training ever written." Trumbull, who was responsible for the growth of sunday Schools in America just after the Civil War, wrote this book at age 60 after raising eight of his own children.
193 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1893
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651 people want to read
About the author
Henry Clay Trumbull
63 books11 followersHenry Clay Trumbull (usually published as H. Clay Trumbull) was an American clergyman and author. He became a world famous editor, author, and pioneer of the Sunday School Movement.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_C...
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_C...
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July 26, 2022
A practical guide to parenting, with advice on many specific issues such as discipline, fears, and bedtime. It's written from a Christian perspective, but there aren't many verses. It's not a formal, systematic treatise on parenting. A friend of the author asked him for his theory on child training. He replied, "I have no theory on that matter. I had lots of theories before I had any children. But now I do, with fear and trembling, in every case, just that which seems to be the better thing for the hour." The principles, he says, are the result of practical experience, experimentation, and observation as a father and grandfather, while considering the lessons of educators.
Notes
Will-Training
We should train child's will, not break it. A child with a broken will isn't prepared for life. Breaking will destroys strong personality and achievement. Child should be taught to conform will to demands of duty, but that's bending will, not breaking it. Child must be taught to freely choose right course of action.
Don't make unqualified declaration such as, "You shall close that door," because that deprives child of choice and will, breaking their will. Instead, guide child by giving choice; say, "It's your choice. Shut that door or be disciplined."
If child won't go where you tell them, and it's more important for child to move than for you to train their will, you may carry them. This isn't breaking their will, but ignoring it.
If child won't obey, postpone their eating and sleeping until you can persuade them to obey.
Consequences
A child should always know the consequences of the action they choose, and be privileged to choose accordingly. Discipline must be penalty for choice. Child shouldn't be disciplined unless they knew penalty when they made choice.
Rights
Don't deprive child of rights as individual. E.g., don't tell child to give up seat for adult in a tone that implies they have no rights. Instead, guide them to make choice freely. E.g., show them they have privilege of honoring their elder by giving up seat.
Letting Alone
"Don't be always don'ting. … Don't be always directing." Don't constantly command and prohibit. Better to influence and inspire to high standards. Don't feel you must be training child all the time, pointing out every little thing. Give children freedom; leave alone except when they must be interfered with.
Avoid an issue of discipline whenever you can do so safely. Example: child knows they must close door behind them. When they don't, say, "You don't need to shut the door if you don't want to. I'll do it." Close the door for them, without rebuke. Child will get your point and learn to do it themselves.
Questions
Don't brush aside child's questions and comments as if they don't matter. Encourage child to ask proper questions. Limit time of questioning and persons who may be questioned, not extent of questioning. Set aside times to invite child's questions.
Complaining
If you never grant child things for which they complain, child will learn not to complain when requesting.
Eating
Don't pressure child to eat what they don't like. But, serve it to them at future meals until they finish it.
Sunday
Consider reserving child's best toys, books, and other favorite items for Sunday, to elevate enjoyment of that day. Ideally, include Christian items (books, pictures, maps, etc.).
Courtesy
It's futile to tell children to not think about themselves; it's more effective to tell them to be thoughtful of others.
Discipline
Discipline is a judicial act, requiring a clear mind, cool head, consideration of every side of case. Before discipline, talk to child when you're both calm. Child is more likely to perceive discipline as just.
Scolding
Never scold (speak rapidly with strong feeling). Scolding is always a result of a bad spirit and loss of temper. Don't talk to child until you can do it in a gentle, natural tone, with carefully measured words. Keep perfectly cool and give no sign of anger or impatience. The fewer and calmer the words, the better.
Fear
Fears of imagination aren't caused by reason, so they can't be removed by reason. Don't ignore, or call them unreasonable or foolish. Show sympathy. Teach child to remind herself of God's presence whenever she's afraid. "There's a little verse in the Bible that's meant for you at a time like this. It's what David said to the Lord, his Shepherd: 'Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.' Say that whenever you're afraid, and the Good Shepherd will hear you."
Sorrows
The surest way of helping child see brighter side of life is inducing them to put their trust in an omnipotent Savior who loves them and makes all things work together for good for His people. Comfort them with the Bible's promises.
Sympathy
In joy and sadness, child wants someone to share their feelings rather than to guide them. When child hurts herself, she'd rather have sympathy than to be told her injury is minor. When child shares a grief or joy, sympathize rather than offering advice.
Home Atmosphere
Home atmosphere must be one of love of God and fellow humans.
Christmas & Gifts
Christmas idea: create scavenger hunt around house. This adds anticipation and wonder to gift-giving, and makes it more personal.
Instead of simply giving child gifts, do things with and for them. In this way, you give yourself with your gift. This illustrates how God gave Himself to us.
Bedtime
Goodnight words should be the best words, because they have the greatest potency. At bedtime, child most feels lonely and dependent. Give sympathy, approval, encouragement.
Child will remember for years how you acted before their bedtime, so be gentle and affectionate, not severe and scolding.
Don't withhold affection (hugs, kisses) as discipline at bedtime. That causes bitterness, grief.
At bedtime, instead of rebuking child or pointing out shortcomings or matter-of-factly telling child how to improve behavior, give them a higher standard to reach for.
Bedtime is golden hour for making impressions on child's heart.
Child's last waking impressions of each day should be of peace, joy, holy hope.
Notes
Will-Training
We should train child's will, not break it. A child with a broken will isn't prepared for life. Breaking will destroys strong personality and achievement. Child should be taught to conform will to demands of duty, but that's bending will, not breaking it. Child must be taught to freely choose right course of action.
Don't make unqualified declaration such as, "You shall close that door," because that deprives child of choice and will, breaking their will. Instead, guide child by giving choice; say, "It's your choice. Shut that door or be disciplined."
If child won't go where you tell them, and it's more important for child to move than for you to train their will, you may carry them. This isn't breaking their will, but ignoring it.
If child won't obey, postpone their eating and sleeping until you can persuade them to obey.
Consequences
A child should always know the consequences of the action they choose, and be privileged to choose accordingly. Discipline must be penalty for choice. Child shouldn't be disciplined unless they knew penalty when they made choice.
Rights
Don't deprive child of rights as individual. E.g., don't tell child to give up seat for adult in a tone that implies they have no rights. Instead, guide them to make choice freely. E.g., show them they have privilege of honoring their elder by giving up seat.
Letting Alone
"Don't be always don'ting. … Don't be always directing." Don't constantly command and prohibit. Better to influence and inspire to high standards. Don't feel you must be training child all the time, pointing out every little thing. Give children freedom; leave alone except when they must be interfered with.
Avoid an issue of discipline whenever you can do so safely. Example: child knows they must close door behind them. When they don't, say, "You don't need to shut the door if you don't want to. I'll do it." Close the door for them, without rebuke. Child will get your point and learn to do it themselves.
Questions
Don't brush aside child's questions and comments as if they don't matter. Encourage child to ask proper questions. Limit time of questioning and persons who may be questioned, not extent of questioning. Set aside times to invite child's questions.
Complaining
If you never grant child things for which they complain, child will learn not to complain when requesting.
Eating
Don't pressure child to eat what they don't like. But, serve it to them at future meals until they finish it.
Sunday
Consider reserving child's best toys, books, and other favorite items for Sunday, to elevate enjoyment of that day. Ideally, include Christian items (books, pictures, maps, etc.).
Courtesy
It's futile to tell children to not think about themselves; it's more effective to tell them to be thoughtful of others.
Discipline
Discipline is a judicial act, requiring a clear mind, cool head, consideration of every side of case. Before discipline, talk to child when you're both calm. Child is more likely to perceive discipline as just.
Scolding
Never scold (speak rapidly with strong feeling). Scolding is always a result of a bad spirit and loss of temper. Don't talk to child until you can do it in a gentle, natural tone, with carefully measured words. Keep perfectly cool and give no sign of anger or impatience. The fewer and calmer the words, the better.
Fear
Fears of imagination aren't caused by reason, so they can't be removed by reason. Don't ignore, or call them unreasonable or foolish. Show sympathy. Teach child to remind herself of God's presence whenever she's afraid. "There's a little verse in the Bible that's meant for you at a time like this. It's what David said to the Lord, his Shepherd: 'Whenever I am afraid, I will trust in You.' Say that whenever you're afraid, and the Good Shepherd will hear you."
Sorrows
The surest way of helping child see brighter side of life is inducing them to put their trust in an omnipotent Savior who loves them and makes all things work together for good for His people. Comfort them with the Bible's promises.
Sympathy
In joy and sadness, child wants someone to share their feelings rather than to guide them. When child hurts herself, she'd rather have sympathy than to be told her injury is minor. When child shares a grief or joy, sympathize rather than offering advice.
Home Atmosphere
Home atmosphere must be one of love of God and fellow humans.
Christmas & Gifts
Christmas idea: create scavenger hunt around house. This adds anticipation and wonder to gift-giving, and makes it more personal.
Instead of simply giving child gifts, do things with and for them. In this way, you give yourself with your gift. This illustrates how God gave Himself to us.
Bedtime
Goodnight words should be the best words, because they have the greatest potency. At bedtime, child most feels lonely and dependent. Give sympathy, approval, encouragement.
Child will remember for years how you acted before their bedtime, so be gentle and affectionate, not severe and scolding.
Don't withhold affection (hugs, kisses) as discipline at bedtime. That causes bitterness, grief.
At bedtime, instead of rebuking child or pointing out shortcomings or matter-of-factly telling child how to improve behavior, give them a higher standard to reach for.
Bedtime is golden hour for making impressions on child's heart.
Child's last waking impressions of each day should be of peace, joy, holy hope.
September 5, 2018
It is incredibly helpful to read parenting advice from other eras. Often it’s wise advice. Alternatively, sometimes it’s quaint or silly, and this is good too. We need to remember that today’s parenting standards might be tomorrow’s chuckle and stop getting stressed out if we aren’t doing all the things The Book of the Year told us to do.
This particular volume is from the nineteenth century and was interesting in three ways: 1. The thesis is a good one. 2. The author’s comments about “parents today” demonstrate that the weaknesses of modern parenting aren’t as new as we might think. 3. Some of the author’s concerns and emphases correspond with ideas from Charlotte Mason’s writing.
Trumbull says that we all recognize the need to provide our children with knowledge, but we must also recognize the need to train their habits. The word “training” is likely to trigger a certain reaction among some readers. During my childhood, popular Christian authors and speakers used the word to emphasize training children in obedience. However, the sense in which Trumbull uses the word is not quite the same.
He says that teaching causes someone to know, and training causes them to do. “Teaching brings to the child that which he did not have before. Training enables a child to make use of that which is already his possession.” The two go together. We can teach a kid about the theoretical importance of good nutrition but should also shape his eating habits. Telling a kid what is good and right isn’t enough--it is our duty to actually make him do it while he is under our care. Yet this should be done gently and kindly. Our goal is to win him over and create love of what is good, not simply to enforce our own will.
I appreciate the discussion. I see many modern parents act as if their job lies primarily in issuing plaintive verbal statements, kind of like liability disclaimers, without actually getting up and changing the behavior of their kids. We moderns tend to think that we can’t do much to change children’s preferences, demeanors, or desires. Perhaps this is because we confuse “personality” with “habits.”
In contrast, Trumbull urges parents to shape their children’s mental, moral, physical, spiritual, social, and dietary habits. I’m inclined to think he may swing a little far. He is rather fond of saying that “many a child has been ruined for life” by this or that error of inattentive parents, as if a child were a blank slate upon which parents shouldn’t misspell any words. Yet we must remember he wrote in an era in which “mom-guilt” wasn’t the term de jure--he clearly felt the need to prod parents to see their role as important.
He wrote in an era in which control over one’s demeanor was highly prized (remember how Ma Ingalls never raised her voice and showed emotion only in rather subtle ways?). That influences his expectations of parents. He even demands that the bedtime ritual should be all peace and sweetness (in fact, that we should behave as we want our children to remember us when we are dead). I can’t say I’ve always been an angel of gentle light at bedtime myself, but again, this is a salutary reality check: we moderns swing the other way and seem determined to believe that all moms nag and shout and we might as well make jokes about it.
For readers willing to translate Trumbull’s thesis into modern parlance and apply it to parenting today, this is a thought-provoking read. I wish he provided more practical illustrations of how he expects parents to achieve the goals he suggests. However, I also gleamed a number of helpful ideas on shaping family life in accordance with the beliefs and values I hope to teach my children.
Let me leave you with a quotation from the book. The author recounts being asked for his theory of child-training. He said, “I have no theory in that matter. I had lots of theories before I had any children; but now I do, with fear and trembling, in every case just that which seems to be the better thing for the hour, whether it agrees with any of my old theories or not.”
This particular volume is from the nineteenth century and was interesting in three ways: 1. The thesis is a good one. 2. The author’s comments about “parents today” demonstrate that the weaknesses of modern parenting aren’t as new as we might think. 3. Some of the author’s concerns and emphases correspond with ideas from Charlotte Mason’s writing.
Trumbull says that we all recognize the need to provide our children with knowledge, but we must also recognize the need to train their habits. The word “training” is likely to trigger a certain reaction among some readers. During my childhood, popular Christian authors and speakers used the word to emphasize training children in obedience. However, the sense in which Trumbull uses the word is not quite the same.
He says that teaching causes someone to know, and training causes them to do. “Teaching brings to the child that which he did not have before. Training enables a child to make use of that which is already his possession.” The two go together. We can teach a kid about the theoretical importance of good nutrition but should also shape his eating habits. Telling a kid what is good and right isn’t enough--it is our duty to actually make him do it while he is under our care. Yet this should be done gently and kindly. Our goal is to win him over and create love of what is good, not simply to enforce our own will.
I appreciate the discussion. I see many modern parents act as if their job lies primarily in issuing plaintive verbal statements, kind of like liability disclaimers, without actually getting up and changing the behavior of their kids. We moderns tend to think that we can’t do much to change children’s preferences, demeanors, or desires. Perhaps this is because we confuse “personality” with “habits.”
In contrast, Trumbull urges parents to shape their children’s mental, moral, physical, spiritual, social, and dietary habits. I’m inclined to think he may swing a little far. He is rather fond of saying that “many a child has been ruined for life” by this or that error of inattentive parents, as if a child were a blank slate upon which parents shouldn’t misspell any words. Yet we must remember he wrote in an era in which “mom-guilt” wasn’t the term de jure--he clearly felt the need to prod parents to see their role as important.
He wrote in an era in which control over one’s demeanor was highly prized (remember how Ma Ingalls never raised her voice and showed emotion only in rather subtle ways?). That influences his expectations of parents. He even demands that the bedtime ritual should be all peace and sweetness (in fact, that we should behave as we want our children to remember us when we are dead). I can’t say I’ve always been an angel of gentle light at bedtime myself, but again, this is a salutary reality check: we moderns swing the other way and seem determined to believe that all moms nag and shout and we might as well make jokes about it.
For readers willing to translate Trumbull’s thesis into modern parlance and apply it to parenting today, this is a thought-provoking read. I wish he provided more practical illustrations of how he expects parents to achieve the goals he suggests. However, I also gleamed a number of helpful ideas on shaping family life in accordance with the beliefs and values I hope to teach my children.
Let me leave you with a quotation from the book. The author recounts being asked for his theory of child-training. He said, “I have no theory in that matter. I had lots of theories before I had any children; but now I do, with fear and trembling, in every case just that which seems to be the better thing for the hour, whether it agrees with any of my old theories or not.”
July 29, 2016
My only fear is that I will over idolize this book in our parenting. My husband & I read this together and gleaned so much wisdom. This book was to parenting as Tim Keller's "The Meaning of Marriage" was to marriage. It opened my eyes to how the gospel plays into the role.
I started to list the chapters I loved & it got ridiculous. We listened to the audiobook but will be buying a hard copy to mark up lovingly.
I started to list the chapters I loved & it got ridiculous. We listened to the audiobook but will be buying a hard copy to mark up lovingly.
April 18, 2025
This is a parenting book I will revisit again and again and it might be my favorite one I have read. There is no shortage of good parenting books to choose from (and probably even more bad parenting books), but this is one of the few I’ve consumed that I would dare to call a “great” parenting book. Its strength is its structure: the book presents itself as a collection of practical parenting tips with each “hint” expounded in a very readable chapter. This humble structure hides the fact that it contains immensely rich lessons for parents on raising their children well. There are some overlap between chapters, but the book in a sense looks at parenting from about two dozen different angles. The book has very readable prose and isn’t too theoretical to turn off someone who doesn’t care to read a philosophical or theological exposition of parenting (as useful as those can be). If you are a parent in any stage of life, this book will give you at least a few things to think about.
June 28, 2022
There's a lot of wisdom here, and I'll definitely be referring back to it over the years. I do like how it is arranged situationally and hope that will be helpful when referring back.
March 28, 2016
Now that I've completed this practical and encouraging read on parenting, I'm ready to read it straight through again immediately, partly to share particularly applicable pasages with my husband, and partly to soak in the wise ideas more deeply. Highly recommended to all thoughtful parents who want to be the best possible guides for their children!
December 27, 2019
One of THE best books on parenting.
February 10, 2019
I wrote chapter summaries of each chapter- I really enjoyed the book overall. It was recommended by Clay Clarkson as a practical application sort of book, and it certainly was. It's probably something I could stand to read over and over again.
February 18, 2014
Perhaps the chief strength of this book is its focus on one key dynamic or principle of parenting, namely that parents have a responsibility to train (not force or manipulate) their children in a variety of important areas. Training is different than teaching, Trumbull insists. His approach seeks to sensitize parents to the needs and potentialities of their particular child(ren).
I'll just mention two chapters that have stood out to my wife and I. First, the chapter on table conversation provides readers a glimpse into the most lively and interactive daily event in the Trumbull household. He thinks parents should be concerned to create an atmosphere around the dinner table which engages the real interests of their child(ren) and expands their intellectual horizons. He claims that consistent participation in such meals might be of more benefit than a college education! Trumbull points to forethought and interesting dinner guests as key elements.
The chapter on cultivating a child's faith called for humility towards a child's spiritual life and for parents to cultivate their own childlike trust. Trumbull says that parents will always be struggling to keep up with the faith of their children; their responsibility therefore lies less in giving their kids faith and more in carefully directing it. His description of this 'directing' role paints the Christian parent in a less heroic light than many contemporary Christian parenting books. But even a quick glance at Matthew 18:2-5 suggests that Trumbull has captured something of Jesus' love and respect for children that every parent needs.
All in all, my wife and I were glad to have read this book and feel that it gave us great topics for discussion as well as a helpful framework for thinking about the 'training' aspect of parenting. It encouraged us to be attentive to our child's development in a variety of areas and gave us realistic examples of how to help them grow in a balanced way. Though Trumbull's language is antiquated and at points very repetitive, this book is not difficult to read. The chapters are short and lend themselves to out-loud reading and discussion. A highly recommended book. (This review is of the Great Expectations Edition)
I'll just mention two chapters that have stood out to my wife and I. First, the chapter on table conversation provides readers a glimpse into the most lively and interactive daily event in the Trumbull household. He thinks parents should be concerned to create an atmosphere around the dinner table which engages the real interests of their child(ren) and expands their intellectual horizons. He claims that consistent participation in such meals might be of more benefit than a college education! Trumbull points to forethought and interesting dinner guests as key elements.
The chapter on cultivating a child's faith called for humility towards a child's spiritual life and for parents to cultivate their own childlike trust. Trumbull says that parents will always be struggling to keep up with the faith of their children; their responsibility therefore lies less in giving their kids faith and more in carefully directing it. His description of this 'directing' role paints the Christian parent in a less heroic light than many contemporary Christian parenting books. But even a quick glance at Matthew 18:2-5 suggests that Trumbull has captured something of Jesus' love and respect for children that every parent needs.
All in all, my wife and I were glad to have read this book and feel that it gave us great topics for discussion as well as a helpful framework for thinking about the 'training' aspect of parenting. It encouraged us to be attentive to our child's development in a variety of areas and gave us realistic examples of how to help them grow in a balanced way. Though Trumbull's language is antiquated and at points very repetitive, this book is not difficult to read. The chapters are short and lend themselves to out-loud reading and discussion. A highly recommended book. (This review is of the Great Expectations Edition)
February 10, 2019
This is an outstanding practical resource for parents.
I've now read this twice, the second time leading a group of parents through it at church. This book is one of the very best resources a parent could have, outside of their Bible and a good church.
These chapters are short, to the point, and full of wisdom and truth. This book is precious for parents and should be read over and over through their childrearing years.
I've now read this twice, the second time leading a group of parents through it at church. This book is one of the very best resources a parent could have, outside of their Bible and a good church.
These chapters are short, to the point, and full of wisdom and truth. This book is precious for parents and should be read over and over through their childrearing years.
June 11, 2025
This book felt even more relevant for having been written in a completely different era and culture. It takes a very proactive, Biblical, and balanced perspective to “training” (raising) a child. So many nuggets to think about. I hope to revisit this one many times as my son grows up.
A wise parent will prize and will rightly use the hour of the children’s bedtime. That is the golden hour for good impressions on the children’s hearts. That is the parent’s choicest opportunity of holy influence. There should be no severity then, no punishment at that time. Every word spoken in that hour should be a word of gentleness and affection. The words which are most likely to be borne in mind by the children, in all their later years, as best illustrating the spirit and influence of their parents, are the goodnight words of those parents. And it may be that those words are the last that the parents shall ever have the privilege of speaking to their children; for every night of sleep is a pregnant suggestion of the night of the last sleep. Let, then, the goodnight words of parents to their children be always those words by which the parents would be glad to be remembered when their voices are forever hushed; and which they themselves can recall gladly if their children’s ears are never again open to goodnight words from them.
A wise parent will prize and will rightly use the hour of the children’s bedtime. That is the golden hour for good impressions on the children’s hearts. That is the parent’s choicest opportunity of holy influence. There should be no severity then, no punishment at that time. Every word spoken in that hour should be a word of gentleness and affection. The words which are most likely to be borne in mind by the children, in all their later years, as best illustrating the spirit and influence of their parents, are the goodnight words of those parents. And it may be that those words are the last that the parents shall ever have the privilege of speaking to their children; for every night of sleep is a pregnant suggestion of the night of the last sleep. Let, then, the goodnight words of parents to their children be always those words by which the parents would be glad to be remembered when their voices are forever hushed; and which they themselves can recall gladly if their children’s ears are never again open to goodnight words from them.
September 2, 2025
3.5⭐️I love that this book was written by Elisabeth Elliot’s grandfather, that’s one reason I wanted to read it. There are plentiful amounts of nuggets of wisdom that I tucked away from this book but also things I’ll leave behind. The book was written in 1890 so some of it went over my head as I feel like the English and cultural references at times were hard to understand.
I love this quote from the foreword and think it good to remember when reading a book over 100 years old.
“There is a peculiar kind of pride that is forever enamored with the latest ideas. Standing the test of time means nothing to some people. For them, the past has nothing to offer and the best is always yet to come. That point of view may very well be true in the technological fields, but not in much else. Tomorrow’s computers will most likely be more powerful, run faster, and be more compact than any we have available today. Physical science will probably make great strides. But human nature never changes. And the truths revealed in the Bible will stand forever.”
I love this quote from the foreword and think it good to remember when reading a book over 100 years old.
“There is a peculiar kind of pride that is forever enamored with the latest ideas. Standing the test of time means nothing to some people. For them, the past has nothing to offer and the best is always yet to come. That point of view may very well be true in the technological fields, but not in much else. Tomorrow’s computers will most likely be more powerful, run faster, and be more compact than any we have available today. Physical science will probably make great strides. But human nature never changes. And the truths revealed in the Bible will stand forever.”
May 12, 2025
I am learning how much I have to learn about children, how much they deserve our best efforts and our honor, and how intense and thrilling is the responsibility of raising them. This book was written in the 1800s, but the only antiquated thing about it is the example dialogue between parents and children. The kind of parents (and not just parents, but any adult with involvement in a child’s training) that Trumbull describes is the kind I hope to be. And it’s poignant to me to see my own parents’ efforts reflected in this book, which they read as they raised us.
The chapters on courtesy and not punishing in anger are exemplary. Occasional defects in content or practical guidance are small in view of how helpful this book can be, and was for me.
The chapters on courtesy and not punishing in anger are exemplary. Occasional defects in content or practical guidance are small in view of how helpful this book can be, and was for me.
August 8, 2022
I still don’t think I truly appreciate the depth to this book. At first I struggled with reading it. The words he uses have changed definitions throughout the years, so once I understood that I had to associate the word with a different definition, I began understanding this book.
Talk about gentle parenting - the biblical kind not the new-fangled disaster. It’s an exposition of the character of God and biblical principles. This book isn’t a how-to but an application of wisdom and a call to better parenting through the character of God.
Side note: the author us Elizabeth Elliot’s great grand father. JUST SAYIN.
Talk about gentle parenting - the biblical kind not the new-fangled disaster. It’s an exposition of the character of God and biblical principles. This book isn’t a how-to but an application of wisdom and a call to better parenting through the character of God.
Side note: the author us Elizabeth Elliot’s great grand father. JUST SAYIN.
January 4, 2020
I love reading old books. They give such a fresh perspective. I definitely learned things about parenting from this book. I found it so funny that he thought the kids of his generation so spoiled compared to the previous one. He said a little girl of his generation has three dolls whose eyes roll open and shut and she doesn’t appreciate them the way her mom appreciated her one rag doll. If only he saw us today.
August 17, 2022
How is this not the go-to parenting book in Christian circles? I heard about it from one of Karen Andreola’s books and bought it, but the cover was so cheesy it just sat on the shelf for a while. The Holy Spirit must have worked in my heart to finally lead me to read it because it was just what I needed in this season! This book is more than just “hints” on child training - it is a vast resource for godly parenting.
June 4, 2023
I wasn’t sure what to expect from such an “old” book on parenting, but I found it extremely useful. I may not agree with everything he says (mostly in the chapter on training picky eaters, and a few disparaging remarks about fiction books), but really there were very few times that I felt the advice was dated. It was truly biblical advice for the most part. Well worth reading.
December 27, 2021
Concise and excellent
Surprisingly fresh and relevant for a book of this long ago. Chapters are short, practical, to the point, and grounded in Scripture. Also addresses important small matters which are overlooked nowadays in parenting advice and it's refreshing and helpful to find them addressed here.
Surprisingly fresh and relevant for a book of this long ago. Chapters are short, practical, to the point, and grounded in Scripture. Also addresses important small matters which are overlooked nowadays in parenting advice and it's refreshing and helpful to find them addressed here.
March 13, 2024
A very smart man Mr.Trumbull was.
So many wise thoughts.
There were little I disagreed with and much I can learn from.
So many wise thoughts.
There were little I disagreed with and much I can learn from.
June 19, 2024
This was a hugely helpful and practical book on parenting. Highly recommend!
October 2, 2024
Can't believe it was written almost 100 years ago. His tips still work. I really liked it actually.
November 25, 2019
Turns out a 60-year-old grandpa/pastor writing whatever is in his head about raising kids in 1890 makes for a pretty good read. Some of it was a bit rich, and I would have liked more practical advice. There was a lot of stuff along the lines of, "this is a process requiring tenderness, patience, and wisdom." (Ok, so what I do if I don't have any of that? 🤣)
But on the whole, the foundation was good and working through it was a worthy endeavor. There were a lot of great nuggets of wisdom that I'll probably return to. It was fun giving narrations of whatever hint I was on to my husband.
But on the whole, the foundation was good and working through it was a worthy endeavor. There were a lot of great nuggets of wisdom that I'll probably return to. It was fun giving narrations of whatever hint I was on to my husband.
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January 8, 2025Very helpful unique hints on child training. The author is spot on in most cases, and his writing style is wonderful.
June 27, 2017
Had I not known this was written over a century ago, I would have had absolutely no idea. It very much seems like he's writing about today, which confirms that child rearing is likely no harder nor easier now than it was a century ago. It just is what it is. It has always and will always require intentionality and effort on behalf of the parent to raise good, tenderhearted, respectful, responsible, God fearing children.
Trumball aims to strike a balance between the necessary firmness a parent must possess and the deep need for love and affection that characterizes a child. The overarching sentiment was one of OWNERSHIP - that parents need to take responsibility for the way their kids are, act, and feel. For example in relation to eating habits "Most parents seem to count such peculiarities as beyond their control, and therefore to be accepted as inevitable; instead of realizing their personal responsibility for the continuance or the removal of them." (pg 65).
Some chapters made me feel I was too soft and others left me feeling cold and heartless. Both cases were beneficial - I found myself thinking about the vast room for improvement in my demeanor toward my children.
The book did lack practical application. This is certainly not a "how-to". It leaves you with a goal in mind - the image of how you as a mother or father want to be - but you're going to have to figure out the steps to get there yourself. No matter, there are other books for that. I still think this one is a 5 star.
Trumball aims to strike a balance between the necessary firmness a parent must possess and the deep need for love and affection that characterizes a child. The overarching sentiment was one of OWNERSHIP - that parents need to take responsibility for the way their kids are, act, and feel. For example in relation to eating habits "Most parents seem to count such peculiarities as beyond their control, and therefore to be accepted as inevitable; instead of realizing their personal responsibility for the continuance or the removal of them." (pg 65).
Some chapters made me feel I was too soft and others left me feeling cold and heartless. Both cases were beneficial - I found myself thinking about the vast room for improvement in my demeanor toward my children.
The book did lack practical application. This is certainly not a "how-to". It leaves you with a goal in mind - the image of how you as a mother or father want to be - but you're going to have to figure out the steps to get there yourself. No matter, there are other books for that. I still think this one is a 5 star.
September 29, 2022
When you find a book on child training by a man with a legacy like Henry Trumbull, you perk up and pay attention. There's also something about 19th-century Christian writers, their matter-of-fact tone communicating an absolute certainty about truth, that helps me with certain struggles more than anything else. My years-long battle with doubt, for example, was dealt a decisive blow when Hannah Whitall Smith smacked me upside the head with, "Just stop doubting. STOP IT." And my tendency to deliver angry, fast-paced harangues to my children has just suffered the same fate under Trumbull's "Scolding is never in order."
Trumbull's delivery is interesting. The chapters are manageably sized, and the titles would pique any parent's curiosity: they range from cultivating a child's taste in reading, to helping a child in how he asks questions, to training a child in self-control. Trumbull almost always spends 2/3 to 3/4 of each chapter just talking about how important this particular thing is, then gives a few brief words about how to accomplish it practically. Sometimes these practicals were helpful, and sometimes I was too culturally or convictionally removed from his position to benefit from them. Sometimes they were based more on his (doubtlessly wise) personal practice than on Scripture, such as how he recommends we deal with Santa Claus.
The chapters that benefited me most were the "Scolding is never in order" chapter and the chapter on the importance of showing your children sympathy.
Trumbull's delivery is interesting. The chapters are manageably sized, and the titles would pique any parent's curiosity: they range from cultivating a child's taste in reading, to helping a child in how he asks questions, to training a child in self-control. Trumbull almost always spends 2/3 to 3/4 of each chapter just talking about how important this particular thing is, then gives a few brief words about how to accomplish it practically. Sometimes these practicals were helpful, and sometimes I was too culturally or convictionally removed from his position to benefit from them. Sometimes they were based more on his (doubtlessly wise) personal practice than on Scripture, such as how he recommends we deal with Santa Claus.
The chapters that benefited me most were the "Scolding is never in order" chapter and the chapter on the importance of showing your children sympathy.
March 23, 2017
The kind of book I hope to read once every year or two. There were dozens of insights I learned for the first time, along with hundreds of practical thoughts and reminders I needed to hear.
Trumbull writes with conviction, yet his deep compassion as a father also shines throughout. Knowing this book was written in 1890, I had assumed it would at times sound out-of-date or harsh to modern ears. For me, this turned out not to be the case at all.
I was really convicted as a father in a great many areas, and I was spurred to pursue growth in areas toward which I had been giving little thought. For instance, one chapter highlighted the importance of being particularly affectionate toward our children in the final hour leading up to bedtime.
The chapters are short (around 30 of them) and each one delivers unique perspective. A sampling of some of the topics addressed:
-- willing-training, rather than will-breaking
-- letting alone as a means of child-training
-- training a child as a questioner
-- denying a child wisely
-- training a child to self-control
-- never punish a child in anger
-- dealing tenderly with a child's fears
-- training a child's appetite
-- training a child's faith
-- importance of the home atmosphere
-- the value of table-talk
-- the power of a mother's love
-- good-night words
Trumbull writes with conviction, yet his deep compassion as a father also shines throughout. Knowing this book was written in 1890, I had assumed it would at times sound out-of-date or harsh to modern ears. For me, this turned out not to be the case at all.
I was really convicted as a father in a great many areas, and I was spurred to pursue growth in areas toward which I had been giving little thought. For instance, one chapter highlighted the importance of being particularly affectionate toward our children in the final hour leading up to bedtime.
The chapters are short (around 30 of them) and each one delivers unique perspective. A sampling of some of the topics addressed:
-- willing-training, rather than will-breaking
-- letting alone as a means of child-training
-- training a child as a questioner
-- denying a child wisely
-- training a child to self-control
-- never punish a child in anger
-- dealing tenderly with a child's fears
-- training a child's appetite
-- training a child's faith
-- importance of the home atmosphere
-- the value of table-talk
-- the power of a mother's love
-- good-night words
August 2, 2017
Someone gave me this book when Brody was a baby, and it sat on my shelf for SEVEN YEARS. A book on child training written in the 1890's with a very Victorian illustration on the front? (Not to mention someone told me that it's method was like animal training--which turned out to be the furthest thing from the truth.) I was sure it was going to be full of admonitions to have children sit silently and ramrod straight through every meal and form into lines like the VonTrapp children. I finally decided to read it so I could stop having this unread book on my shelf.
And as it turned out, it is INCREDIBLE. It may be my favorite child training book I have ever read (tied with Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel). It is the most loving and tender book on child training I've ever read, and it's chapters are on showing sympathy to children, tenderness toward their fears, imagination, the family dinner, and making bedtime the best time of day, to name a few. SO so good!
And as it turned out, it is INCREDIBLE. It may be my favorite child training book I have ever read (tied with Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel). It is the most loving and tender book on child training I've ever read, and it's chapters are on showing sympathy to children, tenderness toward their fears, imagination, the family dinner, and making bedtime the best time of day, to name a few. SO so good!
December 31, 2017
I wish I could give this book a 4.5 because I really did love it. I also wish I had gotten it when my kids were born so we could develop some of these habits as they were growing up. It will be a little hard to make some changes but we will try. The reason I won’t give it a 5 is because some parts within the chapters were a little redundant and he doesn’t give enough examples of how to actually implement during day to day situations - i.e. my 2 1/2 year old (need I say more). Sometimes I was left feeling like he is describing a perfect person who never gets angry, and I am not that person. I will recommend this to all my friends who may be interested in how to frame their thinking about parenting and training children. In that regard, it is the best book I’ve read about being a parent and raising adults who can be a benefit to society.
September 27, 2022
The author's foundational principle is excellent: Parents have an incredible responsibility to train their children morally, spiritually, and emotionally. Parents have the ability to do this, even though it can be very difficult at times.
I read about half of it before skipping around to skim the rest chapters I was interested in. He didn't provide many particulars about *how* to do most of the suggestions (I seriously would like to train my children to be more courteous!), and the few I came across I often disagreed with (e.g. eating). I allow, sometimes it's good to read an author that doesn't totally align with your views. Parenting is a very important part of my life, and I want to continue to grow. But there are plenty of parenting books out that I think will be more helpful for me (hopefully one in my current stack will fit the bill).
I read about half of it before skipping around to skim the rest chapters I was interested in. He didn't provide many particulars about *how* to do most of the suggestions (I seriously would like to train my children to be more courteous!), and the few I came across I often disagreed with (e.g. eating). I allow, sometimes it's good to read an author that doesn't totally align with your views. Parenting is a very important part of my life, and I want to continue to grow. But there are plenty of parenting books out that I think will be more helpful for me (hopefully one in my current stack will fit the bill).
February 17, 2024
Lo que me encanta de este libro es que el autor ve a los niños como lo que son: personas. Ya con eso me ganó. El dedicó un capítulo completo a la importancia de honrar la individualidad de cada niño, hay otro sobre entender sus temores, y otro sobre sus sufrimientos... Cosas que tendemos a minimizar, o peor, pasar por alto. Eso me lleva a la verdadera utilidad del libro, él que este buscando un esquema exacto y detallado sobre como entrenar un niño no agarro el libro adecuado, porque la magia de este libro está más en la provocación a pensar profundamente en estos temas que quizás nunca nos han cruzado por la mente pero que son bien necesarios para tratar mejor y bendecir a las pequeñas personas en nuestras vidas (no hay que ser padres para sacarle provecho al texto). En fin, este libro es un buen inicio para ser mejores para ellos :)
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