Pep Talks, Warnings, And Screeds: Indispensable Wisdom And Cautionary Advice For Writers

by George Singleton

Toddlers—and drunks—bang around hitting walls, tables, chairs, the floor, and other people, trying to find their legs. Writing fiction is a similar process. Sometimes it might take a while before the story gets some balance and moves forward. Sometimes the story takes off as if motor-driven, then crashes into something not foreseen or expected. Learning to be a writer is all about finding your legs, and doing your best to convince onlookers that you know what you're doing and where you're going. In Pep Talks, Warnings & Screeds , acclaimed Southern story writer and novelist George Singleton serves up everything you ever need to know to become a real writer (meaning one who actually writes), in bite-sized aphorisms. It's Nietzsche's Beyond Good & Evil meets Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird . It's cough syrup that tastes like chocolate cake. In other words, don't expect to get better unless you get a good dose of it, maybe two. Accompanied by more than fifty original full-color illustrations by novelist Daniel Wallace, these laugh-out-loud funny, candid, and surprisingly useful lessons will help you find your own writerly balance so you can continue to move forward.

Genres: Writing, Nonfiction, How To

224 pages, Hardcover

First published October 22, 2008

Reviews

[Lee Ann · Rating 2 out of 5]

Singleton's first mistake was claiming that writing groups are a waste of time. His second was calling fanfiction writers "really bad writers." His third mistake was telling writers not to bother majoring in creative writing. His fourth mistake was making the snobby distinction between "literary" and "genre" fiction, as if genre fiction (or popular fiction in general) cannot be worthwhile. His fifth mistake was a really disgusting comment he made about prostitutes.

Basically, Singleton sounds pretentious. I don't care how pretty the book is; if you talk down your nose to other writers (ironic, since one of his pep talks is about not jeering at other writers who are trying just as hard as you to write), you're a jerk and I don't want your advice. Unfortunately I had to read this book for class so I had no choice but to put up with the snobbery. Yuck. Will be getting rid of this one at the semester's end.

[Michael Wilson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe I just need to get out of the review of writing books game. This one is nothing new really. A prolific writer of fiction who has taught at all levels of education tells us the wise things that he’s learned by both through his work and teaching of how to work to others.
It is loosely organized into three sections entitled Pep Talks, Warnings and Screeds. But the advice really doesn’t strictly fall into the category in which it is organized.

Each tidbit of advice is just a paragraph or two long (which is what attracted me to the book in the first place). I no longer can tell if I didn’t like it because a lot of the advice I saw was commonplace: Write down your ideas or you’ll forget them; take it easy on the exclamation points; don’t rely only on spell check; etc; or because that some of the ideas were unclear and confusing, or simply didn’t make sense. Singleton loves putting stuff on your writing desk that he calls: essential tools. Some of the things that he suggests that you put on your desk to remind you about various aspects of writing: a wrench, a micrometer, a pet rock, a whetstone, a compass, a can of WD-40, paddleball, swizzle stick, sponge, hand sanitizer, a 3 pack of flints, a grappling hook, a spinning top, a cow, a glass eye… you get the picture. Doesn’t leave much room on the desktop for paper, pens, or a laptop does it? Each item is supposed to constantly remind you of a writing lesson: sponges, to remind you to soak up everything around you for your stories… images, conversations, mannerisms, etc. A cow reminds you to rewrite and rewrite again, much like a cow chews and re-chews its cud.

I like the author’s tone within the book. It just doesn’t seem to be consistent or (a lot of times) provides helpful advice in clear language. It seems as if he hides behind his cleverness from time to time and forgetting the point he was trying to make.

It is an OK book that I wouldn’t recommend for beginning writers or advanced ones who have a good understanding of the writing and publishing process. So if you are somewhere in between, you might find some useful info within this book. If just one of these paragraphs gives you a unique perspective on a problem that has challenged you, then it has done its job well.

[Becca · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I would have read this book before I decided to become an Creative Writing Major in college.

[Echo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a bad little book of advice for writing, and there were some helpful things inside. My favorite was a tip about finding an antique magazine from your period when you're writing historical fiction. It probably wouldn't help a great deal as far as research goes, but it's an interesting idea to just sort of help you get into the time period. I like it. I didn't agree with everything he had to say, but then ... when will I ever?

Some thoughts...

1) This dude loves short stories. Seriously. I get the impression he thinks they're a superior form of writing, and is maybe (definitely) bitter they're not more popular. I mean, I guess I get it. I hate writing short stories, and if that was the only way to really get ahead in the writing world and I had to give up writing novels, I would be pretty bitter about it too.

2) He really has a beef with poets. I'm not sure what that's about, but reading this book I could just see this guy and his other short story enthusiast friends going about getting into fights with poets where they snap their fingers at each other, like the Sharks and the Jets.

3) He criticizes outlining, and goes so far as to say outlining makes the story boring to the reader and the writer. OK, so I can't outline to save my life. I get overwhelmed by all the possibilities when I try, and the only way to get anything done is just to start writing and see how things unfold. That said, I also know some people write better with outlines. That's what works for them, and there's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't mean their story is boring. There is no One True Way to write a story. We all have our own methods, and I will fight anyone who tries to tell someone, "My way is right and your way is wrong." Whatever way helps you write the best story you can is the right way, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.

4) He bashes writing fanfiction and says it's a waste of time. Among other things, he says people don't learn to develop their own characters or their own settings because they're just using someone else's.
...
Shots fired. Dude, I will fight you. First of all, even with a pre-established setting and characters, there's room for interpretation. You try to write a character that seems true to the one in the story, but there are gaps in what we know about that character, and you use those gaps to make your own interpretation of the character and put your own spin on their backstory and their development. The same is true of the setting. Not to mention fanfiction that involves original characters or new settings or even AU. In fanfiction, there's actually a lot of room to play. I don't write fanfiction these days, but I wrote loads of it when I was in high school and college. It was awful. Truly, truly awful. But you know what? It was writing. I learned a LOT about writing in that time, and by the time I moved on to writing original stories and novels, I was miles ahead of where I'd been when I started writing fanfiction. Writing is writing, even if it is fanfiction, and that's how you learn. Not to mention, it's just fun. If someone is having fun writing, don't tell them, "What you're writing is not Serious Literature, therefore it is not worthy of effort." That's how you kill creativity. Once again, we don't all fit in the same box.

5) I seem to remember him saying not to set a story in some fancy location like Paris when you can just set it in the town you're from, because it will be more interesting that way. And later he once again made a comment about, "Why are you even trying to write a story set in France?" ... Well ... what if someone IS from France? Can they write about France then? Also, while I see nothing wrong with writing about your hometown if you want to, why limit yourself to only that? I imagine this is coming from the "write what you know" school of thought. But I'm a child of the fantasy genre, and my interpretation of "write what you know" is more, shall we say, philosophical. What I know is not limited to my physical location, time period, socioeconomic background, gender, or any other thing. I pull inspiration from real life, but I don't limit myself to only those things. What you know can be about emotions or the human spirit. It can be conveyed with a story about unicorns just as easily as a story set in the real world. I mean, if someone wants to write about their hometown, hurrah for them. But if everyone did? What a boring world that would be. We wouldn't have much adventure in our stories. Not a lot of dragons or elves, obviously, but not spies either. I don't imagine they have time for writing books. Basically, I have no time for genre snobbery, and I feel like this was genre snobbery in disguise.

[Robert Penick · Rating 1 out of 5]

I greatly enjoyed Singleton's early story collections and thought this would be a fun, informative book. Instead, it's a grouchy collection of one-paragraph thoughts on the writing game. The real downer is that he's so condescending and downright insulting about what doesn't personally work for him. People who write in public places are attention-seeking. If you use a lot of semi-colons, you're trying to show people how smart you are. And if a writer gets published in an online journal, they're playing intramural sports or little league baseball. It comes across as crass, like the drunk at the end of the bar who knows everything, judges everyone, and will not shut the hell up. I gave $4.79 postpaid for a used copy from Thrift Books, and I feel I really got stiffed. Someone who's made a career out of drawing the same character over and over shouldn't be this smug.

[Caleb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stephen King once said most books about writing are bullshit. This is not one of those books. Pep Talks, Warnings & Screeds gives enlightening, practical writing advice told in Singleton's refreshing tongue in cheek way. It's honest, true, funny as hell, and quite possibly the farthest thing from bullshit. It's bullshit-proof. Bless you, George Singleton, for sharing your writerly wisdom and wit. God knows we need it.

[Violet Patterson · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's funny and insightful. I would suggest it for writers to keep nearby for an occasional boost when they're struggling.

[Dayne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Good Book on Writing is (Now) Easy to Find

I don't like books on writing--as a rule. I try not to read them anymore. It's not because I'm out of new things to learn, but because I know learning about writing seems to occur best when writing and when reading good literature--not when reading endless tomes about writing. However, George Singleton is THE evil genius of Southern letters. I am inclined to listen up when he speaks. A week or two ago, I saw a review of Pep Talks. About five minutes later I ordered a copy.

Singleton's latest book offers aphorisms, rants, and a few brief Zig Ziglar-style motivational lessons, all good, all helpful, and most downright hilarious. The work is both philosophical and practical. Like Hegel (Hegel: The Essential Writings) meets Chef Paula Dean (Paula Deen: It Ain't All About the Cookin'). For example, "On Contests" (Warning #35), Singleton explains why writers should avoid fee-based writing contests. His logic is flawless (Dear writer, read it.) In "The Dangers of Lit Crit" (Warning No. 42), he tells us why studying Foucault and his French cousins will hurt your writing. Singleton even tells us why undergraduate creative writing majors are detrimental to the training of writers. He can't imagine the value of a B.A. in creative writing. Neither can I. Who could? (Screed No. 5). I enjoyed his defense of writing longhand (Screed No. 8). Shoot, that's how I do it--legal pads and ink pens.

Pep Talks includes two previously published pieces, "Daily Grind" and "How to Write Stories, Lose Weight, Clean Up the Environment, and Make $1,000,000," which appeared in the Oxford American. I read them in the OA magazine and read them again last night in this book. Both essays should be read aloud in every creative writing "workshop" in America, perhaps on the first day of the semester.

I was surprised by the layout and beauty of the book. Daniel Wallace, author of Big Fish (movie tie-in): A Novel of Mythic Proportions, is a first-rate writer and illustrator, and the volume is sprinkled with original--and relevant--illustrations. It makes the book even more humorous, more helpful, too.

In addition to Pep Talks, I recommend: Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life(Anne Lamott), Stephen King On Writing, a Memoir of the Craft(Stephen King), How to Write: Advice and Reflections(Richard Rhodes), and William Strunk and E. B. White's The Elements of Style: 50th Anniversary Edition. In deference to Singleton (Screed No. 9), I will add The Chicago Manual of Style, now in its 15th ed., though I hate it personally (a long year I spent as a graduate student in history many moons ago). These books are winners and worth the money. Most other books on writing are not worth the money or the time, I am afraid.

Singleton is at the top of his game as a story writer and teacher of writing, and this book is a testament to his abilities and insight. I think it's valuable to any writer just starting out, a writer trying to get published, or a writer wishing to pick up a few tips, as well as teachers wanting to make students laugh and learn. Five stars.

Dayne Sherman, Author of Welcome to the Fallen Paradise: A Novel and Zion: A Novel (forthcoming)

[Carmen Sisson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Years ago, I read an essay in Oxford American called "How to Write Stories, Lose Weight, Clean Up the Environment, and Make $1,000,000." It was light and cute; I smiled and went on with my life.

But every once in a while, I'd find myself staring at the ceiling, looking for just the right word. I'd check the mail. Then I'd check it again. I'd return to my keyboard, stare at the blinking insertion point and wonder why I torture myself with writing.

And then I'd think about that crazy essay by George Singleton. The one I saw in Oxford American. I wouldn't remember what drew me to it, but I would know that if I could just find that essay, I'd remember what to do next.

So I'd spend the rest of the day searching for it. (The OA link is broken now, BTW.)

Finally, I decided to just buy the damned book and leave it on my desk, so every time I want to go check the mail, I can pick it up instead and read a few paragraphs of pithy advice to get the kick in the pants I need.

If you're not a writer who needs such things, you may not enjoy Singleton's book. But chances are, you can relate. And I'd wager a bet you have at least a bookcase filled with writing books. Reading about writing is an ideal way to avoid writing. There are worse vices.

But if you can't afford Singleton's book (and hey, we've all been there), it can be summed up thusly: Writers write. They don't think about writing, talk about writing, dream about writing, or write about writing. They apply butt to chair and write, every day. It may take years to pay off, and the b*tch of it is you never know if it's actually going to work out, you and this writing thing. You do it anyway, in silence, alone, for reasons you will never fully understand. If you want to get published, you won't spend too much time obsessing over why you do or don't write. You'll just get on with it.

The essay I mentioned earlier is the last chapter in this book, and I remember now why I keep returning to it. It is a brief overview of how to live a writer's life without going crazy.

Wake up. Write 1,000 words. STOP. Take a walk. Do non-writing things (like living). Take care of your body. Keep the craziness in check. Don't live beyond your means. Don't become ensnared in things that take time from your writing. Take another walk. Rewrite yesterday's words. Add 1,000 more. STOP. Do this for years. And years. And more years. Keep your hands on your keyboard and your work circulating. Wallpaper your house with the rejections.

Because someday, it will be worth it. And if you're very lucky, because you took care of your body and didn't let your vices or craziness destroy you, you will still be alive to enjoy the success you so richly deserve.

[Ryk Stanton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I almost always rate nonfiction books 3 out of 5 stars. Generally speaking, they are merely okay: they tell whatever they said that they were going to tell, or they offer whatever advice they said they were going to offer, and that’s about it.

Not so with this book – I don’t give five stars easily to anything, but this is one of the most helpful, interesting books about writing that I have ever read. My one complaint about the book is that I think it’s organized wrong: the Pep Talks section is by far the longest and most interesting, the Warnings section is okay but not great, and the Screeds section is relatively weak. I wish that I were friends with George Singleton and that I could have advised him merely to write a book filled with Pep Talks, perhaps interspersing the other information between sections or something.

The Pep Talks section really shines in this book. So many interesting things to read, in nice little bite-size chunks. It is a real rah-rah for readers, and this book would make a great gift for the writer in your life. The advice feel very honest and yet very optimistic. All of it seems relevant and useful and definitely provides some hope.

My Favorite Section: Advice about things to keep on your desk, called Essential Tools. Most of it is metaphorical – for example, keep a picture of a chimpanzee (because chimpanzees will so determinedly pick fleas off their mates) to remind you to keep going over your manuscript to find little things that need to be fixed).

The Section I Think He Got Wrong: He suggests that the two or three hours a person goes to church might be better spent writing. I am not an avid churchgoer, but I think this advice gets into his personal life perspective a bit too much and I do not think that anyone should be encouraged to abandon their pursuit of religious idealism. It seems more relevant to me that he could instead have advised writers to people-watch while the church, perhaps noting family dynamics, styles of dress, differing personalities of people all in the same environment, etc. Similarly, he might’ve suggested paying attention to the sermon and analyzing the way the preacher leads his audience to follow his point.

Anyhow, great book! If you’re a writer, get it and read it; if you’re not a writer, buy it for your writer friend. And buy them a picture of a chimpanzee.

[Jo Kaiser · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, I didn't exactly finish this one. Let me explain. It's a fantastic read, it truly is, the advice written is beyond valuable and I can see myself applying it to my writing in the future, the pep-talks are inspiring and the how-to's are all lovely to read; this is, however, not a book to be read in one sitting but several, preferably over a month or so of continuous writing either for an event like NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), or for the sake of finishing a first (or second, or third) draft. It's a book that, when you're stuck and are in need of inspiration, you can pick up, open at any given page, and be inspired to write once more. It is not a book you get out of the library, which is where it failed for me, it's a book you buy and keep on your desk in case of emergencies (a.k.a writer's block). Perhaps I'll bump up this review's rating to five stars when I purchase it (probably for NaNo) and work my way through it over weeks in, what I believe is, the way it should be read.

[Marie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute and playful but not to be used for instructional purposes. There's a lot of good advice in here and I think it would be helpful to read on my own, but using it as an aid for a class felt like cheating for me. Also, Singleton contradicts and repeats himself a lot. I feel like he was just spouting words to reach a page count or something. I was also told I didn't understand the humor in the book, so there's that. Sure it was clever at some points and that's cool. Just not my cup of tea but then again, I'm not a big fan of books on writing in general.

[Annabelle · Rating 1 out of 5]

How can you seriously take the rantings of a so-called English professor (and writer!) when he consistently puts down "eminent" when clearly he means "imminent?" I saw this typo occur twice--and the first one was on the BLURB! Even if you have all the time in the world, don't waste it on this one.

[Pat · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read a lot of writing craft books but this one was one of the funniest. Short paragraphs and clever illustrations make this a fun read. A perfect gift book for a writer friend who takes themselves too seriously. Or maybe this is yourself?

[April]

I would be concerned ifa lot of the advice in these pages wasn't yet known to one wishing to write, but there is somethinsg reassuring about that. Kind of a confidence builder and the curmudgeon voice of the author makes everything that much more entertaining.

[Lex · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just adorable. I love the way he writes with these short blurbs. You can't lose interest, because they're short enough for our little attention spans. Hilarious, too!! Every fiction writer should read this.

[Sarah Key · Rating 5 out of 5]

George Singleton and I talk shit about the same kinds of people, and this is something I can appreciate. Pep Talks, Warnings & Screeds is a dangerously clever book and one that I will definitely be passing along to my fiction writers in the coming year.

[Karen]

Funny book--just what I needed to brighten my darker writing days. (And my kids enjoyed hearing about the Li family and Singleton's hilarious argument for not writing in cafes.)

[Frank · Rating 3 out of 5]

Standard advice, but with a wit that, ironically, is usually missing from these type of books. Plus, it has some cool illustrations.

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even if you don't like books about writing, check out the section on writing in coffee shops (he's against it). It's hilarious.

[S · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must read for literary writers.