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103 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published January 1, 1872
I have called for executioners; I want to perish chewing on their gun butts. I have called for plagues, to suffocate in sand and blood. Unhappiness has been my god. I have lain down in the mud, and dried myself off in the crime-infested air. I have played the fool to the point of madness.
And springtime brought me the frightful laugh of an idiot.
I am well aware that I have always been of an inferior race. I cannot understand revolt. My race has never risen, except to plunder: to devour like wolves a beast they did not kill.
The battle for the soul is as brutal as the battles of men; but the sight of justice is the pleasure of God alone.
True, I’ve cried too much; I am heartsick at dawn.
The moon is bitter and the sun is sour…
Love burns me; I am swollen and slow.
Let my keel break! Oh, let me sink in the sea!
I understand, and not knowing how to express myself without pagan words, I’d rather remain silent.
To whom shall I hire myself out? What beast should I adore? What holy image is attacked? What hearts shall I break? What lies should I uphold? In what blood tread?
He made it twenty times, that lovers’ promise. It was as vain as when I said to him: ‘I understand you’.