Getting to Know You (Studies in Jungian Psychology by Jungian Analysts) by Daryl Sharp

Studies in Jungian Psychology by Jungian Analysts #55

by Daryl Sharp

A lively discission based on the ideas in Jung's essay, "Marriage As a Psychological Relationship." Complex material illustrated with everyday examples. Some inescapable truths emerge, such as that successful relationships depend on becoming conscious of one's personal psychology.

Genres: Psychology, Relationships, Self Help

Mass Market Paperback

First published April 1, 1992

About the author

Daryl Leonard Merle Sharp – writer, Jungian analyst, publisher and bon vivant – was born in Regina, Saskatchewan in 1936. He lives in Toronto, Canada and has two sons and two daughters.

He earned two Bachelor degrees, one in mathematics and physics and the other in journalism, at Carleton University in Canada, and a Masters degree in literature and philosophy from the University of Sussex in England. Sharp entered training at the C.G. Jung Institute in Zürich in 1974, along with other members of the so-called "Canadian mafia," which included Fraser Boa, Marion Woodman and John Dourley.

Upon graduating in 1978, Sharp returned to Canada to begin an analytic practice and tour North America on the Jungian lecture circuit. Together with Marion Woodman and Fraser Boa, Sharp co-founded the Ontario Association of Jungian Analysts in Toronto in 1982 (followed by a training program for analysts in 2000).

In 1980, Sharp also began his major labour of love: Inner City Books, still the world's only publishing house dealing exclusively with the work of Jungian analysts. Sharp's first publication was his diploma thesis, The Secret Raven: Conflict and Transformation in the Life of Franz Kafka. Many others followed, including multiple publications by analysts such as Marion Woodman, Edward F. Edinger, James Hollis and J. Gary Sparks, and especially Marie-Louise von Franz, who graciously agreed to act as honorary patron of Inner City Books.

Today, in 2015, Sharp's enterprise has enjoyed significant success, selling millions of books with translations into approximately a dozen languages.

Sharp himself is the author of more than 30 titles, mainly designed to introduce and explain Jungian concepts to lay audiences. Perhaps his best known books are Personality Types: Jung's Model of Typology {1987}, The Survival Papers: Anatomy of a Midlife Crisis {1988}, and Digesting Jung: Food for the Journey {2001}. {Personality Types and Digesting Jung are available as free eBooks on Inner City Books' website.}

Reviews

[امیر لطیفی · Rating 4 out of 5]

اینکه ناشر و مترجم برای جذب بیشتر، عنوان یک اثر را در نسخه‌ی وطنی قلب می‌کنند، تکنیک لو رفته‌ای ‌است. چیزی که معمولاً پنهان می‌ماند، ظلمی‌ست که جلدهای زرد و عناوین بازاری به کتاب‌های گه‌گاه خوب می‌کنند. این کتاب خوب یکی از قربانیان چنین ظلمی‌ست.

عنوان اصلی:
Getting to know you: The inside out of relationship

این کتاب در حقیقت محتوای ۵ نشست با حضور نویسنده و چند نفری مخاطب است. قصد جمع خوانش مقاله‌‌ای جدی از یونگ درباره‌ی ازدواج و پرداختن به آن است. نویسنده متکلم وحده است. او شروع می‌کند و پس از هر یکی-دو بند پرسش کوتاهی مطرح می‌شود و بحث ادامه پیدا می‌کند. این رفت و برگشت‌ها کتاب را خوش‌خوان کرده است. دقت کتاب فراتر از متن پیاده‌‌شده‌ی چند مکالمه است ولی صمیمیت‌اش مثل جلسات روانکاوی‌ست.

گرچه محور کتاب مقاله‌ای از یونگ درباره‌ی ازدواج است ولی عملاً و عمدتاً به روان‌کاوی شخصی و درونی می‌پردازد. رویکردی که به هیچ روی با برنامه‌ی یونگ برای پرداختن به ازدواج در تضاد نیست، بلکه عینِ برنامه‌ی اوست. به عقیده‌ی یونگ مادامی که طرفین در ناآگاهی به سر می‌برند، بین آن‌ها رابطه‌ی روان‌شناسانه شکل نخواهد گرفت. روابط غیرروان‌شناسانه‌ی زوجین ضعیف و معمولاً مبتلا به توهم است، حتی زمانی که مستمرند. پس برای آگاهی باید از خود شروع کرد.

جذابیت کار نویسنده، و مقاله‌ی یونگ در این است که به رغم هدف اولیه‌ که پرداختن به ازدواج است، در تعهد و محدودیت ازدواج نمی‌ماند. ازدواج را تقدس نمی‌بخشد و صریحاً اذعان دارد که فرآیند آگاهی به عنوان پیش‌نیازِ روابط روان‌‌شناسانه ممکن است خود طرفین را چنان بیدار کند که آرامش را در رابطه‌ی جاری نیابند یا اصولاً بی‌نیاز از هم شوند.

پیش از این درباره‌ی یونگ مقدمات روانشناسی یونگ را خوانده بودم. چندان نتوانسته بودم با کهن الگوها و برخی از وجوه رازآلود و عرفانی یونگ ارتباط برقرار کنم. با این کتاب، یونگ را پرمحتواتر و معتبرتر یافتم. پیشنهادم این است که به عنوان مقدمه درباره‌ی یونگ چیزی بخوانید و بعد به سراغ این کتاب بروید.

[Ardavan Bayat · Rating 4 out of 5]

پایان خوانش: 1403.01.16

پس از خوانش این کتاب گمان می‌کنم که بینش خوبی از روانشناسی یونگ یافته‌ام که کم‌کم بتوانم کتاب‌های دیگری درباره‌ی یونگ و نوشته‌ی یونگ بخوانم و بفهمم و بتوانم بگویم که یونگ چقدر برای من می‌تواند ارزشمند باشد یا نباشد که البته شوخی ست من کاره‌ای نیستم!
انتقاد به کتاب این است:
نخست نام کتاب را تغییر داده‌اند که من از پیش می‌دانستم و البته جالب نیست این کار! و دوم اینکه کتاب به اندکی ویراستاری نیازمند است ولی در کل ترجمه‌ی خوبی ست.

و در پایان فیلم یک روش خطرناک را ببینید:
A Dangrous Method 2011
با بازی مایکل فاسبندر در نقش یونگ و ویگو مورتنسن در نقش فروید.

[Mojtaba Ml · Rating 3 out of 5]

عنوان فارسی:
ازدواج، رنج مقدس
تحلیل ریشه ای اختلافات و راهکارهای کسب احساس رضایت در زندگی زناشویی

عنوان انگلیسی:
Getting to know you
The inside out of relationship

شامل ۱۴۸ صفحه
♡♡♡
کتاب سمیناری از نویسنده پیرامون ازدواج است که در آن به بررسی مقاله مشهور کارل گوستاو یونگ در حوزه ازدواج و پرسش و پاسخ حضار و سخنران میپردازد. در واقع پس از خواندن هر بند از مقاله توسط سخنران، پرسش و پاسخی میان او و حضار برای درک بهتر مطلب صورت میگیرد.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
با خواندن هرچه بیشتر کتاب مفاهیم و واژگان جدیدی در حوزه روانشناسی و توضیحاتی درباره آنها مطرح میشود که هر کدام به درک بیشتر و بهتر از درون خود و دیگران می انجامد. مفاهیمی مانند: سایه، همذات پنداری، پرسونا، من، اروس و...
گرچه خیلی اوقات این واژه ها منجر به گیج شدن من میشد.
کتاب از هیچ طبقه بندی و فهرست خاصی پیروی نمیکند و تنها این پرسش و پاسخ ها است که بحث را به جلو میراند.
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
بخش هایی از کتاب:

همذات پنداری باعث این فرض کودکانه میشود که ویژگی های روحی یک نفر شبیه دیگری است. اینکه آنچه برای من قابل قبول است به وضوح برای دیگران هم خوشایند باشد، اینکه آنچه من غیراخلاقی میدانم باید برای آنها هم غیراخلاقی باشد و الی آخر. همذات پنداری مسبب تمایل تقریبا تمام انسان ها برای اصلاح آن چیزی در دیگران است که بیش از همه محتاج اصلاح شدن در خود شخص است.
-----------------------
یونگ:
عموما کل کارهایی که والدین میتوانستند در زندگی شان انجام دهند اما بنا به انگیزه های واهی از آن خودداری کردند، به شکل جایگزین به فرزندان منتقل میشود.یعنی فرزندان به سمتی کشیده میشوند که هدفش جبران هرکاری است که در زندگی والدین شان انجام نشده باقی مانده است. اینجاست که والدین بینهایت اخلاق گرا بچه ای به اصطلاح بی بندوبار دارند یا پدر بی عار و بی مسوولیت پسری دارد با بلندپروازی های مثبت بسیار و الی آخر.

[Yitzchok · Rating 2 out of 5]

It’s been a while since I read a Daryl Sharp book. In the past when I read his books it was at the beginning of my exploration of Jungian concepts, and I thought Daryl was great at breaking down Jung into accessible parts. While he does this as well in this book, it felt too beginner-ish for me. Either his other books were better, or I have moved on from this style of writing. Either way, I am really appreciative of the whole line of Jungian books that Daryl wrote and brought to the masses. Thank you!

The following are my favorite quotes from this book:

The instinct can lead people to connect, but what happens next? And why? These are the questions Jung is concerned with in this essay. In Jung’s view, unexamined instinctual behavior is a hallmark of unconsciousness and a fundamental characteristic of the undeveloped mind. Jung says: “An extreme state of unconsciousness is characterized by the predominance of compulsive instinctual processes, the result of which is either uncontrolled inhibition or a lack of inhibition throughout… The unconscious is then found to be at a definitely animal level.”

And he contrasts this with what’s involved in being conscious:

“A high degree of consciousness, on the other hand, is characterized by a heightened awareness, a preponderance of will, directed, rational behavior, and an almost total absence of instinctual determinants.”

It’s not unusual for Jung to take this position. One of his basic beliefs – maybe even his essential message – is that the purpose of human life is to become conscious. Part and parcel of this is achieving a balance between spirit and instinct. Go too far one way or the other and we get in trouble. Jung says it all in one sentence: “Too much of the animal distorts civilized man, too much civilization makes sick animals.” – Pages 20-21

Consciousness is the result of reflecting on events instead of just reacting to them. Routine especially gets in the way of being conscious. We can sleepwalk through life as long as we stick to the tried and true. – Page 22

The ego has to acknowledge that it isn’t in charge. …This isn’t a natural process, it’s a major shift in perspective, like the difference between thinking the earth is the center of the solar system and then finding out the sun is. It generally doesn’t happen – if it ever does – until later in life. You get some experience under your belt and you look back and realize there was more going on than you knew. Something greater than you was pulling the strings. That’s humbling and puts an end to inflation. – Page 26

I think the most important thing to understand about complexes is that they determine how we feel and what we do – they deny us freedom of choice. We are not the master, or mistress, in our own house. Listen to Jung:
“Complexes interfere with the intentions of the will and disturb the conscious performance; they produce disturbances of memory and blockages in the flow of associations; they appear and disappear according to their own laws; they can temporarily obsess consciousness, or influence speech and action in an unconscious way. In a word, complexes behave like independent beings.”
- Page 44

I’ll grant you it’s not as cozy as togetherness. But it’s not as sticky either. Intimacy with distance can be as warm as you want, and it’s psychologically clean. Togetherness is simply fusion with another, the submersion of two individualities into one. That’s symbiosis. It can feel good for a while but psychologically it’s not viable.

I don’t understand

Well, symbiosis is two hearts as one. It’s what normally happens between mother and child, and that’s okay, it’s a good base for the child’s future. It’s a different story between grown-ups, where that degree of interdependence is just asking for trouble. – Page 88

My idea of working on a relationship is to shut your mouth when you’re ready to explode. Don’t inflict your emotional reaction on the other person. Leave the room, go to your own quiet space and tear your hair out. Instead of accusing the other person of driving you crazy, say to yourself, “I feel I’m being driven crazy. Now, where in me, is that coming from?”

Ask yourself – Not your partner – What complex in you has been activated, and to what purpose. The proper question is not, “Why are you doing this to me?” or “Who do you think you are?” but rather, “Why am I reacting in this way? – Who do I think they are?” That leads to the really important questions: “What does this say about my psychology?” When you have a handle on that, you can go the extra step and ask, “What can I do about it?”
In that way, you can establish a container, a temenos.

Temenos?

That’s what the Greeks called a sacred space. Psychologically it refers to personal boundaries, a place where the complexes can safely play. When you have a container for what’s going on in you, you’re less likely to contaminate your surroundings by acting out your emotions. – Page 90-91

I’m confused. You seem to be saying that you work on a relationship by working on yourself.

Yes, I am. The endless blather between two complexed people is a waste of time. It’s just window dressing for what’s going on unconsciously. It solves nothing and often makes the situation worse. This is a matter of general experience. – Page 92

If it’s any consolation, Jung thought neurosis was most likely to a strike a “higher” type of person. He wrote: “There are vast masses of the population who, despite their notorious unconsciousness, never get anywhere near a neurosis. The few who are smitten by such fate are really persons of the “higher” type who, for one reason or another, have remained too long on a primitive level. Their nature does not in the long run tolerate persistence in what is for them an unnatural torpor. As a result of their narrow conscious outlook and their cramped existence they save energy; bit by bit it accumulates in the unconscious and finally explodes in the form of a more or less acute neurosis.” – Page 104-105

A traditional marriage? The man goes to work in the morning and returns at night to tell his wife what happened.

She’d be content to live through him.

That’s one possibility, and Jung touches on it when he says; “It is almost a regular occurrence for a woman to be wholly contained, spiritually, in her husband, and for a husband to be wholly contained, emotionally, in his wife.” – Page 108

Jung says: “The more the contained clings, the more the container feels shut out of the relationship. The contained pushes into it by her clinging, and the more she pushes, the less the container is able to respond. He therefore tends to spy out of the window, no doubt unconsciously at first; but with the onset of middle age there awakens in him a more insistent longing for that unity and undividedness which is especially necessary to him on account of his dissociated nature. At this juncture things are apt to occur that bring the conflict to a head. He becomes conscious of the fact that he is seeking completion, seeking the contentedness and undividedness that has always been lacking.” – Page 114

Jung: “If these tactics do not succeed, her acceptance of failure may do her a real good, by forcing her to recognize that the security she was so desperately seeking in the other is to be found in herself. In this way she finds herself and discovers in her own simpler nature all those complexities which the container had sought for in vain.” – Page 117

Looking outside for your other half, your soul-mate, may be instinctive, but in the long run, in the psychic economy of the individual, it’s not acceptable. And right here is Jung’s particular contribution to an understanding of what’s involved in a psychological relationship. What from a conventional point of view seems like disaster may in fact be a gift from G-d. – Page 119

If you can stand the tension – wait and do nothing – you stand a chance of experiencing what Jung called the transcendent function. …When you’re self-contained, you see, you don’t look to another person for completion. You don’t identify with other and you’re not victimized by projection. You know where you stand and you live by your personal truth – come what may. You have what Jung calls here an undivided self. In the classical Axiom of Maria, it’s “the One as the fourth.”

…Think of the difference between being in love and loving. When you’re in love, you absolutely need the other person, you can’t live without him – or her. That’s okay to start off with, who can help it? It’s only natural, in the sense Jung uses the term when he says, “It is the natural and given thing for unconscious contents to be projected” – but if it goes on like that, you kill the relationship. Need is not compatible with love. Need become the rationale for power over the other person, it leads to the contained one’s fear of loss and the container’s resentment.

When you’re self-contained you’re free of all that. You have your own sacred space, your own temenos. You might invite someone in, but you’re not driven to. And you also respect the other’s freedom and privacy. There’s an optimum distance in every relationship. It evolves through trial and error and good will – if you stop pushing for more than you get. - Pages 120-121

[JP · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple and superb
you can't read a better book than this on Jungian psychology.
It's about relationships, then boring....Right
oh!
no 
you may say
one more book
but this book teaches you precisely about Carl Jung theory about Relationship. It's more about the archetype of men and women in the relationship.
Very enlightening!. After reading. You will find a lot of understanding in your relationships.
How an introvert is attracted and gets married to an extrovert and one point of time. When they reconcile they find they are not having single traits common.
How the mother and daughter relationship..... was really classic.
The author Daryl Sharp has mastered Carl Jung Psychology he made it in simple language and
we all know if you are able to convey in simple language you are not understood is well 
Superb book on archetype of Men And Women in relationship...

[Maniya Maleki · Rating 3 out of 5]

کتاب سنگینی بود. برای کسی که مفاهیم روانشناسی یونگی رو نشنیده باشه، ثقیله. متن کتاب هم اصلا روون نیست. فکر کنم مشکل از ترجمه هم باشه. در کل به نظر میاد کتاب یک ویرایش اساسی و اضافه کردن یک عالمه پاورقی برای توضیح اصطلاحات نیاز داره. اما موضوع کتاب جالبه و خوندنش خالی از لطف نیست.

[Maryam · Rating 3 out of 5]

بنظرم بیشتر درباره فلسفه ازدواج و روابط زن و مرد بود. در این زمینه کتاب جالبی بود اما شاید به طور مستقیم کمکی برای زندگی زناشویی به حساب نمیومد. خیلی بستگی به برداشت شخص خواننده داشت.