Quitting (previously published as Mastering the Art of Quitting): Why We Fear It--and Why We Shouldn't--in Life, Love, and Work by Peg Streep

by Peg Streep

In Mastering the Art of Quitting the authors show us how to let go when we need to and how to start over. A guide to increasing our emotional and mental flexibility, assessing our goals, and knowing when to hang in or bail out, it tackles our tendencies to overanalyze, ruminate, and put a positive spin on situations we actually need to avoid. In a culture which perceives quitting as a last resort, Alan Bernstein and Peg Streep show that it’s an essential tool for a happy and successful life. They reveal simple truths which apply to goals in all areas of life including love, relationships, and work, including:

Quitting permits growth and learning, as well as the ability to frame new goals.

Without the ability to give up, most people will end up in a discouraging loop.

The most satisfied people know when it’s time to stop persisting and start quitting.

Quitting is a healthy, adaptive response when a goal can’t be reached.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Personal Development, Leadership, Productivity, Audiobook

Paperback

First published January 1, 2013

Reviews

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. It's a rehash of psychological studies with stories demonstrating their points sprinkled in-between. Just not that ground-breaking or interesting. In the spirit of the book, I quit reading it after about 90 pages.

[Ben · Rating 3 out of 5]

So ends the worst explicit experiment in my own behavior I can think of. Not reading was a really awful goal and I'm glad I trashed it. Excuse me --- "quit" it. Oh wait. Actually it's ok not to use the word because the book is barely about quitting at all. It's 90% the same psychological studies as other psychology books. The other 10% has to do with the title. There were moments when it had a bit more personality and insight then the baseline, such as the part where it gives a bunch of different examples of different types of quitting (I wish I could repeat them but I forgot.). Most of the time it was all discussions of various lawyers and such who were very white and quit their unfulfilling high paying jobs to start yoga studios, and then achieved happiness.

Pulled off the shelf.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is everything I hoped it would be and more. it is very dense with lots of research information (I'll have to listen a second time i'm sure). the premise is the difference between "loser/lazy" quitting and "realizing it's time to move in a different direction" quitting; but i'm stuck with all the stuff ... more healthy disengaging techniques and great explanations about why brains work the way they do

[Alexis Bennett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Finally! Little nuggets of wisdom throughout. In reality, this deserves more stars because it got me through my own quitting journey. That said, it’s like most “self-help” style books in that about a quarter of it is relevant in the moment and the rest is just fluff. Maybe worth another skim at another juncture though.

[Adam Buccafusco · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book should be read before a major life event. Reading it after one was kind of redundant. It made me reflect on the occurrence, and may help avoid the future pitfalls, but it didn't make me feel better about current events, nor did it really offer any real solutions for the "now what" phase of quitting. I should have read this book months ago and things may have shaped up differently.

[Socraticgadfly · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing fancy, and a bit on the simplistic side, as most self-help books can be at times.

Ideally, this is a 3.5 star, but we don't have half stars. Reader aveage has it pegged about right.

The good points are that it says we shouldn't be afraid to quit, as in quitting bad or unfulfilling jobs, relationships, etc. Nor should we see shame or a sense of failure in doing so.

Personality factors that affect this, strategies for planning quitting, etc., all get discussed.

It's still self-help, though, and while not as bad as some, still a bit rah-rah at times.

[Sarah Pascarella · Rating 4 out of 5]

As Americans, we are taught from day one that quitting is the most unforgivable act, the ultimate demonstration of weakness. But without quitting, one cannot move forward to new phases of life, love, and work. Streep eloquently dismantles deeply ingrained cultural myths to paint a holistic portrait of the benefits of quitting, and how doing so in a non-impulsive, thoughtful way can reap dividends for one's career, relationships, and overall well being.

[Barbara Melosh · Rating 3 out of 5]

A remix of widely reported research from behavioral economics, emotional intelligence, and "happiness" studies. What's useful is the focus on decisions to divest/detach in order to redirect, and I found that thoughtful and illuminating as I considered my own experience with persisting too long in unfruitful situations.

[Melody · Rating 5 out of 5]

So glad I read this book. It's very inspiring for someone who perseveres and is stubborn. The best part is the suggestions for redirecting yourself when you want to quit. And theway it teaches you to set goals that are meaningful. Just what I needed.

[Tai Odunsi · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Quitting" is in my top 10 of 2014 reads. I've encountered no other book–scientific, self-help, nutrition, financial or otherwise–who's lessons have such broad and over-arching usefulness for every aspect of our lives.

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Quitting" is a word I have long avoided when talking about my infertility journey. I "stopped"
fertility treatments, I "ended" them, I "left" them, I "made the decision to stop/end/leave treatment" and live without children, I "chose to take my life in a different direction."

Why quibble over "quit"? It's not hard to understand why: in our achievement & success-oriented culture, quitting has a negative connotation. Nobody wants to be thought of as a quitter -- and certainly not in the infertility & loss community, where people don't seem to want to hear any story except one with a conventionally happy ending (i.e., a living, healthy baby, no matter what the costs or what you had to endure to get him/her).

It's time to embrace "the Q word" (as my sister calls it -- only in her case, she's talking -- or rather, avoiding talking -- about quitting smoking, lol -- which, as the book says, "the only kind of giving up we collectively accept and support"). And there's a book to help us do that.

"Mastering the Art of Quitting: Why it Matters in Life, Love and Work" doesn't mention infertility at all -- but I saw myself and other infertile women I know throughout its pages. Its message totally applies to those who are at a crossroads in their infertility journey -- trying to decide whether to continue treatment or follow another path (and if so, which one).

The book is slightly academic in tone with lots of psychological terminology and studies quoted (I'll admit this did bog me down a bit in spots). And yet there was something on just about every page that I could relate to or that gave me food for thought. My copy is full of dog-eared pages.

"Quitting not only frees us from the hopeless pursuit of the unattainable but permits us to commit to new and more satisfying goals." This, in a nutshell, is the message of this book.

So why does quitting have such a bad rap? "We've all been taught that quitting is a sign of weakness and that quitting is for losers," the authors bluntly note. (p. 3) Persistence and positive thinking, we are told from the time we are children, are the keys to success. Moreover, the authors demonstrate that human beings are hard wired to persist in pursuit of a goal -- even when the goal is unreachable or no longer satisfying.

The book not only promotes quitting as a valid option, it discusses why and how we should quit when something is not working for us. (The trick is to disengage from old goals while setting new ones.) It includes helpful quizzes and tips to help us make better decisions and to set and pursue new goals in a more realistic way.

If you are struggling with decisions about whether to stay on your current path or take a completely different direction in your life, this book would be an excellent resource.

[Jenn · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was a good read and has some useful tools. I thought that the chapter 7 on mapping your goals was the most practical and could be used with or without the rest of the book. Still, if you want to focus on quitting or the idea of goal disengagement, you definitely have to read more. I also thought there were very helpful concepts to consider about achieving flow and sense of self -- and understanding how identify relates to how we thinking through, pursue, and ultimately achieve goals. The author walks through some of the best available science. In the end, I think they bury the headline which is that your intentional action has a lot to do with your subjective happiness -- and that has a lot to do with setting goals that reflect your life's vision, iterating on them, and knowing when to quit (which there could've been a lot more on).

I also think that this falls a bit short of understanding contextual issues that relate both to the goals that you set and your opportunity to achieve them -- and troubleshooting around that. To be fair, the book clearly points out that life's coincidences have less to do with happiness than we we think (according to science), it also does not share how that context may effect our ability to achieve goals and/or quit. Some of this about the privileges we each have in life...or not.

[Christy Baker · Rating 3 out of 5]

Presents a number of interesting psychological theories on why it can be challenging to quit (relationships, jobs, goals) and what sort of steps or concepts are helpful in disengaging from one focus in order to shift and re-focus in a new direction. While some of the information will be familiar to any student of basic psychology, for instance intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivations or loss-investment theory, there were a number of other factors the authors pulled together to make this a worthwhile read. Having a few times now in different contexts experienced myself in situations where I found it challenging to quit an intended path, commitment or goal, it was useful to reflect on the whys of what impedes quitting.

[Lpeterso · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quitting is generally understood to be a negative thing in American culture, but there are upsides to stopping something. Quitting smoking or quitting an abusive relationship. Sometimes we don’t get an opportunity we want (not making a team, not being offered a job) and there is potential for regret. This book looks at how an individual might maximize the upside of these situations by considering some of the ways we deal with loss.

This book cites many studies and includes some self evaluations that are used in some of the studies. Probably better to read this via a non-audio format for the sake of being able to complete the questionnaires.

Enjoyed the no-nonsense approach this author took, and the numerous sources cited.

[Simon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had the audio-book playing as background noise while I cleaned. Picked up on some unique points and certainly imagined my own journey in some of the stories that were given. It can be scary to dive into unknown when we are comfortable, but if the comfortable is slowly taking away your sense of self, then it comes time to make a choice about what you'll do.

I'm currently at a multi-cross road in my life path and have to make some serious choices on how I want to earn my living as I venture into the next age bracket of my life and what that will mean for me several decades down the road.

[Mainichi66 · Rating 5 out of 5]

one big part of the reasons that capitalism sucks is the lack of pluralism. people are just too enslaved in their day jobs to see there are a malleable and spacious life surrounding each of us. Psychology is everywhere in this book, which might put on some cold feet for people. But it is fun to find out the blind spots in our minds, and those blind spots are plenty. this isn't an easy book. And like calculus, it is hard to learn, to relearn, and easy to forget, and reforget.

[Adam · Rating 2 out of 5]

While there were some great points on the types of quitters and rewriting goals, there was almost too much research citations and stories used for examples. The book could have been half its length and made a much clearer impact. I took away some valuable tips on goal setting and learned the important role setting goals and reflecting on them often (and changing them if necessary) plays in gaining confidence to quit, but overall I don't feel any more masterful at quitting than I did before reading. A little too dry for me, and the constant analogy and story had my head in a loop by the end.

[Kjo1984 · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book that delves into the psychology of persistence and why it's important to let go. I love these types of books that analyze studies and research. It's not exactly a light read (bit dry) but I found the information helpful.

[Connie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book to start, but there was no structure or framework that I can use the next time I am either pondering quitting or want to quit something. The psychological parts were helpful, but there's too much citation and examples, and not enough: "This is what you should do."

[Deena · Rating 5 out of 5]

“I had this idea that I was meant to grow myself into knowledge throughout life. Moving into new situations, staying as long as I needed, and then moving on was pretty much required to live that idea.”

[Jimmy Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read for anyone struggling with a decision. This book lays out clear advice on how to properly set goals as well. Very impressed with this book.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started out strong and fascinating but ended up being trite and redundant.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very dense with studies and references and took a while for me to read. Nonetheless I drew on a few good nuggets of information. The book can be a distraction from quitting itself!

[El · Rating 3 out of 5]

a bit too repetitive, but clear message.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some chapters were more relevant than others, but I learned a lot from the chapter on persistence and why we stick with goals or visions that no longer serve us.

[Kristen Mcinnis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be useful and thought-provoking.

[☘Misericordia☘ ⚡ϟ⚡⛈⚡☁ ❇️❤❣ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Q:
A British study on gambling took a bunch of ordinary people, matched them up with slot machines, and then measured their brain activity when they played. Winning at the slots, of course, isn’t a matter of skill at all, but the researchers found that players and their brains responded to the near win exactly as they would when skill was actually involved. The pleasure and reward parts of their brains lit up for a near win almost as brightly as when they actually won money. Moreover, the near win was enough to keep them playing, even though they’d actually lost money and what they perceived as a near win was totally useless as a predictor of a real win. It didn’t matter. Not surprisingly, the near win plays a big part in the lives of those who become compulsive gamblers. (c)
Q:
Unwarranted persistence can also be fed by what’s called intermittent reinforcement... (c)
Q:
Psychologist Daniel Wegner set out to answer one of life’s most vexing questions: Why is that when we’re trying not think of something, the thought keeps barging in like an unwelcome guest? Why is it so hard not to think of cookies the minute we decide to diet, or why can’t we stop thinking about the lover who has spurned us, or why do we keep second-guessing our decision to quit? In other words, why do thoughts we’re actively trying to suppress keep intruding on us anyway? Wegner discovered what he called “ironic processes of mental control,” but he boiled it down to this: “The mind actually appears to seaarch unconsciously and automatically for whatever thought, action, or emotion the person is actually trying to control.” Yes, this discovery is another blow to whatever notion we might have about free will. (c)

[Adriano · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mastering the Art of Quitting starts out feeling somewhat depressing. Everything you strive for, you believe in, may not be worth the effort and stress you put yourself through. With each passing chapter, you may be able to apply these methods to your own situations.

It truly does give you some insight as to why it may be worth cutting your losses in some instances. More importantly, it gives you advice for how to do so gracefully.

[Mariam · Rating 3 out of 5]

As evidenced by how long it took me to read this book (3 months), it's pretty dry, but as expected. There were a few exercises in there that I found helpful, so I'd recommend for someone looking for a way to really examine whether they are persisting at something for the sake of persistence or whether they do need to make a deliberate change of direction in life. Otherwise, meh.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a "read it at the right time" book for me that gave me greater peace about "quitting" something that is not as great for me but I associate with a big part of my identity of success. #MovingForward