Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No: Making Life Right When It Feels All Wrong

by Herbert Fensterheim, Jean Baer

Yes, you can learn to say what you mean and mean what you say.

This bestselling guide has already transformed thousands of lives—and can change  your as well. The authors’ pioneering Assertiveness Training Technique can help you gain recognition and promotion on the job, renew your marriage, put  more zing in your sex life, deal with your  children more effectively, and make new friends. Change your life as you learn how

• Target your own assertiveness difficulties and set  your own goals.
• Follow your progress with a workshop that gives you step-by-step reinforcement.
• Visualize and  actualize through exercises designed to perfect new behavior patterns.
• Develop self-control that comes from within.
• Change habits that keep you from getting what you want in every area of your life.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Business, Leadership

304 pages, Mass Market Paperback

First published October 15, 1975

Reviews

[Maryann · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know why I keep torturing myself with self-help books. I guess it's just a hobby of mine. ;) This one acutally had some useful information in it. As someone who goes from passive then straight to aggressive this book did give good advice on how to be assertive.

[mechi · Rating 3 out of 5]

Una lectura interesante para aprender sobre asertividad y como aplicarla en distintas áreas de nuestras vidas. Invita a replantearnos nuestra manera de actuar ante distintas situaciones, propone ejercicios simples y presenta testimonios que facilitan la comprensión.

Teniendo en cuenta que es un libro viejo, tiene algunos conceptos bastante desactualizados y algunas metodologías que no comparto. Puntualmente toca temas como dieta y homosexualidad desde una perspectiva al día de hoy obsoleta, omití los capítulos 10 y 11 porque no resultaron de mi interés.

Aún así logré extraer información notable del resto del libro y lo recomiendo, aunque considero que probablemente sea más conveniente leer alguno con un enfoque actual.

(Créditos a la Tristán y sus libros de segunda mano)

[Bala]

Reading self-help books were real passion then. I used to have so much of reading time and this was one of the early books that I read. The first read put me into a spin. Couldn't really understand the abstract way of thinking.

[Jean · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite some weirdly dated material, especially about gay people, this book is overall a self-help classic that offers well-written, practical and useful ideas for increasing one's assertiveness.

[Hassan Zayour · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've never been a big fan of self-help books.
The book has been on my shelf for years and I thought it would be a good idea to give it a shot. I liked it at first, but I lost interest soon enough.
It was mildly fun to read, but I can't say I benefited much from it.

[Prabhat Prakash · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was supposed to have read this book ten years back. The only way I would finish reading it now was by galloping through it. That is what I did. The impression I've got is that it's a great starter guide to assertiveness training. The book tackles diverse areas of individual, social and professional behaviour. The theory and practical advice is interspersed with many illustrative cases from the author's rich experience as a practicing psychologist. I've applied the book's recommendations, which has resulted in improved communication with a friend, my fighting firmly with adversaries and holding my ground in a group. While the book provides an effective approach to assertiveness, it was only able to identify, and provide basic exercises for, some essential skills needed to behave assertively, namely, having presence of mind and the resolve needed to speak honestly. I'm unsure about the book's position on feelings as, on the one hand, it recommends being aware of and communicating one's feelings to others, and, on the other hand, it prescribes ways to overcome and sideline one's feelings in the for pursuing goals. I'll be giving the book a second, slower reading to see whether these issues can be reconciled.

[Ayush Garg · Rating 4 out of 5]

A self-help book contains much on the assertiveness training. A really helpful if you are looking to change your habits in certain gray areas of your lifestyle and work. Can let you overcome your fears and anxities by adopting some practical and proven ways. A slow read (atleast for me) has some very useful information and one can skip the content or exercises not related to him.

[Robert Laynton · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are lots of self-help books out there, and of course some are better than others. This one was good for me - taking a cognitive-behavioral approach with self assessments and practical projects to engage with. At a time when I was suffering from depression and low self-esteem, this book definitely proved helpful to me.

[Marina Montes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Es un libro que para aprender de asertividad está bastante bien. Sin embargo, considero que para el año en que vivimos queda bastante anticuado. Necesita una urgente revisión con perspectiva feminista y ajustar varios capítulos.

Yo personalmente me salté el de la delgadez y el de la homosexualidad por qué '???????????'

[Marian · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book took forever to read, yet every second I spent reading it brought me huge amounts of knowledge. Assertiveness has never been a strong suit of mine, but with all the tips and tricks shared throughout the book, this has started to change.

I totally read this at the right time and can't wait to see the changes it continues to bring to my life.

[Pri · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of good chapters and information that is straight to the point. I recognize that this book is outdated and there are several chapters in the second half of the book that didn’t apply to me or today’s day and age.

[Asad · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of those hidden gems which has lots of practical insights on behavioural therapy, assertiveness, and self-esteem. For a casual reader, the behavioural therapy techniques might be a little overwhelming, but someone from a background in psychology would find them useful.

[Sun Sunny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Libro interesante, que también te ayuda a ver situaciones que podrías cambiar en tu vida, personalmente este es un libro muy especial para mi, ya que fue el que me introdujo a estudiar en el área de la salud.

[Rahul Waghmare · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well illustrated, with sample cases and examples. Covers diverse range of topics. This is not mainstream self help book, it's way more than that. One must read and apply in practice to get the most out of this book.

[Keshav · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good

[Kirollos Nabil · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this book. So many techniques about how to act in many personal/ business situations.

[Chitransh Khandpa]

This is very exciting book. I will recommend it to my class.

[Sonal Jindal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Book

[I.Baschar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ich habe dieses Buch in den frühen Zeiten
des Coronavirus gelesen. Dieses Buch hat mir geholfen, mehr Vertrauen in meine Fähigkeiten und können zu entwickeln. Es gab mir einen Vertrauensschub.

[J Ponsiva · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is filled with a lot of experiment and case studies. I got bit bored by going over. Hence I stopped reading in the midway.

[Bibiana Giraldo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Me encantó, excelente libro te enseña como aprender a ser asertivo y lograr cambiar tu vida 😃🙏

[Manuel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mhe

[Nagarajan · Rating 5 out of 5]

My personal favourite one which helped me a lot in my coaching assignment. Simple, practical, and insightful.

[Prashant · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good self help book!

[Shubham Agnihotri · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Don't say Yes when you want to say No" a book on Assertive Training. Seriously, I bought it for its title but this book has more than that No. When you start reading you may find it uninteresting because of subjects it talks about. It has some good ideas about 'reinforcers', 'assertion vs aggression', 'goal orientation' and lastly 'being assertive at job', these are common ideas and one might find it intriguing. I skipped one chapter that was centered on 'get thin' because I already don't like myself being skinny.
The book has a chapter 'the problem of sexual variants'; this chapter has helped me to understand what Homosexuality and LGBT communities actually are. I know you can not talk about such subjects, as they are sensitive, in Indian society publicly but, at last, it was good for my knowledge. Every book helps you to step toward a liberal approach.

[Laura-Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed much of the book but give it 5 stars because at the end there is a mediation exercise that I did at an event years ago that I have tried to remember that printed in the Appendix!

[Prasanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must to read.

[Prabuddha Das · Rating 4 out of 5]

I say yes most often and also get troubled by it. I could not hold me to buy this seeing its title but somehow it could not meet the expectations set. I got lost after first two chapters and could not relate with the title. It was simply reading the cases. Some of the examples are brilliant. To my surprise I was able to find the insight I was looking at in the last few chapters.

[CA Ram Melam · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is not about only how to say no. It is about a complete behavior cure. While reading, I learned what behavior problems I am facing. It is a must-read if you want to be more lively. Purchase it.
This book can be concise to hold the reader's attention. Anyway, good book to read or to listen.

[Isabel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pone ejemplos diciendo "No, porque nunca me lo devuelves", pero no se deberían usar palabras extremistas como nunca, siempre, todo... así que no me parecen buenas recomendaciones, no sé si la versión original también lo usa.
Escribe tantos casos con final feliz que parecen de cuento de hadas, creo que con la mitad de libro o menos contenido incluso, hubiese podido contar lo mismo.