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First published January 1, 1960
1. My wife and I do not agree on the matter of disciplining our children. I maintain that a child needs a firm hand and a spanking now and then. My wife says that all they need is love and understanding. Who is right?
Discipline and love are related. They are two sides of the same coin. Correct discipline is an act of love. “The LORD disciplines those he loves,” Says the Bible (Hebrews 12:6). The purpose of discipline is not only correction. It is to help a child conform to God’s standard so that the child will be able to lead a happy and productive life.
But there must be the right kind of discipline and parents must agree on it. A child will sometimes exploit different approaches to discipline by his parents and that could be damaging to your child and to each of you.
2. I’d like to know what guidelines you would give for raising children. We are about to have our first child, and I think about it a lot when I see some of the problems other families seem to have.
let me suggest three general guidelines that may help you to get started in your thinking. First, surround your child with love. I know that sounds simple, but it is easy to forget sometimes. For example, some parents in their zeal to have their child behave better will constantly criticize their child. A child who constantly is hammered with criticism grows up feeling he is not loved and also that he is not worth very much. Love your child-and don’t be afraid to express that love, even when it is difficult or when he has done something that is wrong. Be quick to praise.
Then have clear guidelines about behavior and discipline. The other day I heard a leading psychiatrist say on national television that we need more discipline today, and I agree. We discipline not out of anger (or at least we shouldn’t), but out of love, knowing that a child needs to learn he is responsible for his actions. Don’t change the rules all the time either, or threaten punishment and then not carry it out.