How to Be Perfect: Poems

by Ron Padgett

“Ron Padgett makes the most quiet and sensible of feelings a provocatively persistent wonder.”—Robert Creeley

Ron Padgett has reenergized modern poetry with exuberant and tender love poems, with exceptionally lucid and touching elegies, and with imaginative and action-packed homages to American culture and visual art. He has paid tribute to Woody Woodpecker and the West, to friends and collaborators, to language and cowslips, to beautiful women and chocolate milk, to paintings and small-time criminals. His poems have always imparted a contagious sense of joy.

In these new poems, Padgett hasn’t forsaken his beloved Woody Woodpecker, but he has decided to heed the canary and sound the alarm. Here, he asks, “What makes us so mean?” And he really wants to know. Even as these poems cajole and question, as they call attention to what has been lost and what we still stand to lose, they continue to champion what makes sense and what has always been worth saving. “Humanity,” Padgett generously (and gently) reminds us, still “has to take it one step at a time.”

Ron Padgett is a celebrated translator, memoirist, teacher, and, as Peter Gizzi says, “a thoroughly American poet, coming sideways out of Whitman, Williams, and New York Pop with a Tulsa twist.” His poetry has been translated into more than a dozen languages and has appeared in The Best American Poetry, Poetry 180, The Norton Anthology of Postmodern American Poetry, The Oxford Book of American Poetry, and on Garrison Keillor’s The Writer’s Almanac. Visit his website at www.ronpadgett.com.

Genres: Poetry, The United States Of America

114 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2007

About the author

Ron Padgett is a poet and translator whose Collected Poems won the William Carlos Williams Award from the Poetry Society of America and the 2014 Los Angeles Times Prize for the best poetry book. Padgett has translated the poetry of Apollinaire, Pierre Reverdy, Valery Larbaud, and Blaise Cendrars.

Reviews

[Bill Kerwin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ron Padgett is one of the cheekier members of the second generation of what are generally called “The New York School Poets” (although Ron actually comes from Tulsa). Inspired by such figures as Frank O’Hara, John Ashbery, Kenneth Koch and James Schuyler, they adopted a painterly aesthetic, prizing color, movement, immediacy, and a conversational style above all else.
Perhaps more than the rest, Padgett—and his early collaborator Ted Berrigan—were the funniest and most outrageous of the younger bunch. They seemed to improvise more, and—although they often failed—they were hilarious and often poignant when successful. The following passage from the poem “Method” included in this volume is revealing:

Sometimes Kenneth Koch’s method I guess you’d call it
was to have a general notion of the whole poem
before he started
such as the history of jazz or the boiling point of water
or talking to things that can’t talk back (as he put it) that is apostrophes
whereas my method (I’d guess I’d call it) is to start and go
wherever the poem seems to lead.

Oddly enough, though, two of the most effective of Padgett’s poems here are two long onces—each about ten pages—that utlize the Kochian method: “How to Be Perfect” (which includes such memorable advice as “Take care of things close to home first. Straighten up your room before you save the world. Then save the world.”), and “Pikakirjoitusvihko,” a series of journal entries (like “Fyodor = Theodore. Therefore, Ted Dostoevsky.”)

To get an idea of the randomness—and crazy beauty--of Padgett’s stuff, here are three short examples:

TOOTHBRUSH

As the whisk broom
is the child of the ordinary broom,
I am a toothbrush
when it comes to bristling,
insufficiently angry
or maybe too angry
to keep my bristles intact
since I know the debris
of the world is too great
for me to handle.
If I could save the world
by being crucified
I certainly would.
But who would nail
a toothbrush to a cross?


HISTORY LESSON

I think that Geoffrey Chaucer did not move
the way a modern person moves.
He moved only an inch at a time, in what
we call stop action. Everyone in his day moved
like that, so they could be shot into a tapestry,
but also because time moved in short lurches
and was slightly jagged and had fewer colors
for them to be in. But that was good. Humanity
Aaahas to take it one step at a time.


THIS FOR THAT

What will I have for breakfast?
I wish I had some plums
like the ones in William’s poem.
He apologized to his wife
for eating them
but what he did not
do was apologize to those
who would read his poem
and also not ber able to eat them.
That is why I like his poem
when I am not hungry.
Right now I do not like him
or his poem. This is just
to say that.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

This for That

What will I have for breakfast?
I wish I had some plums
like the ones in Williams’s poem.
He apologized to his wife
for eating them
but what he did not
do was apologize to those
who would read his poem
and also not be able to eat them.
That is why I like his poem
when I am not hungry.
Right now I do not like him
or his poem. This is just
to say that.

[Sophia]

Started out good, but lost interest half way through and struggled through the rest. Billy Collins wanna-be but has so far to go!

[Brad Carl · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's not that I'm in love with RP. But I am definitely intrigued and inspired by his writings. It's not that every poem makes sense to me. That's okay, too. I am still entertained. The poem titled "How To Be Perfect" is one of the longer pieces in the book and a highlight. But I believe RP is at his best in brevity.

[Keith Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was just thinking about Padgett today, particularly about the poems he wrote for that movie, "Paterson." I was wondering if I could find those poems and read them in the cool light away from the film. But that made me remember some of his earlier work, and the pleasure I took in it. And then these few words I wrote about him years ago:

https://annarborobserver.com/articles...

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was very enjoyable and sprinkled with marvels. "How to be Perfect," the title poem, was probably the one I liked least. I have to say, however, that overall I've read better Padgett.

[wkdidka alaska · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although the poem is just a poem, I decided that this, too, counts as a book read. On the other hand, I am just too busy with work to complete a 350 page book at the same time.

But this one is very nice. I would like to think myself as a person who follows some of these rules. And as a Capricorn, I love rules. Some of these that I loved:

"Don't be afraid of anything beyond your control. Don't be afraid, for
instance, that the building will collapse as you sleep, or that someone
you love will suddenly drop dead."

"Be friendly. It will help make you happy."

"Make eye contact with a tree."

"Don't stay angry about anything for more than a week, but don't
forget what made you angry. Hold your anger out at arm's length
and look at it, as if it were a glass ball. Then add it to your glass ball
collection."

[Seda Hovhannisyan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Մի անցկացրու շատ ժամանակ մեծ խմբով մարդկանց հետ։
Հիշիր, որ պրոգրես գոյություն չունի։
Մաքուր պահիր պատուհաններդ։
Ինչ-որ բան աճեցրու ։
Երբեք կուլ մի տուր ծուխը։
Հեռու մնա բանտից։
Երբ փողոցում կրակոցներ են, մոտ մի գնա պատուհանին։
Սովորիր ասել «բարի օր», «շնորհակալություն» ու «ուտելիքի փայտիկներ» չինարեն։
Կարդա ու նորից կարդա լավագույն գրքերը ։
Ներիր քո երկրին երբեմն։ Եթե դա անհնար է, տեղափոխվիր մեկ ուրիշը։
Երգիր։

[Scott Biggerstaff · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this collection, but I just couldn't get into it. I felt like I finished it out of obligation and not desire. Ron Padgett is a legend, it's just that a lot of poems in this collection felt like unedited stream of consciousness thrown together without a great deal of care. The only really memorable poem for me was the titular 'How to Be Perfect,' which might be worth the whole volume and got 3 stars from me by itself.

[Rick Seery · Rating 3 out of 5]

Perhaps Ron Padgett is not for me... although it is nice that he referenced Kenneth Koch a few times.

[Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

Padgett makes poetry look easy. He makes the funny serious and the serious funny. You will no doubt want to go back and re-read his poems, and that's good because you may find something new and different each time.
I think we are living in a time of very good poetry, and Padgett's is among the very best.
Here's a thought: Read these poems out loud, even if you're alone (and especially if you're not).
They feel good.

[Deb (Readerbuzz) Nance · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not everybody likes poetry. Sadly, many people were taught in school that poetry is Complex and is Too Deep for Anyone Other than Literature Professors to Contemplate. Very sad.

Do you feel like that? Do you feel reading poetry is akin to reading in another language?

This little book could change that. Padgett is a Poet for the People. Billy Collins-ish. Readable. Yet thoughtful.

I ran across Padgett a few weeks ago via Garrison Keillor’s Writer’s Almanac. Here’s just a tiny excerpt from this book’s title poem, How to Be Perfect:

Get some sleep.

Eat an orange every morning.

Be friendly. It will help make you happy.

Hope for everything. Expect nothing.

Take care of things close to home first. Straighten up your room
before you save the world. Then save the world….

[Natalie Serber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the eponymous poem. Love many of the lines, these in particular:

--Learn how to whistle at ear-splitting volume.
--If you're struck with the fear that you've swum out too far in the ocean, turn around and go back to the lifeboat.
--Imagine what you'd like to see happen, and then don't do anything to make it impossible.
--Don't be depressed about growing older. It will make you feel even older. Which is depressing.
--Plan your day so you never have to rush.
--Live with an animal.

And more and more and more. Serious and silly. Profound and playful. Keep on picking it up.

[Cooper Renner · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my first Padgett collection to read. I'd class this as light or humorous verse. Topics can be serious, but approach is light and "positive" rather than ponderous and "deep". A great deal of fun.

[Swasti Lavania · Rating 4 out of 5]

While starting this poem, I thought to myself 'so what does being perfect really means'? Isn't that too overrated? But then, this poem had me at the first reference line ' Everything is perfect, dear friend. -KEROUAC'
I believe, Sunday well spent. :)

[Andrew · Rating 4 out of 5]

The reading he gave at St. Mark's for this was especially fun.

[Rick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most of the poems are short, genial and flavorful. There are four longer poems, two of which are utterly grand.

[Charmi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loving it!

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

Picked this up after reading the title poem on Stumbledupon. It was one of the few pleasing poems in this collection. Overall, not great.

[Gabrielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoy his lighter poems quite a lot - humorous, mundane musings about the way the world and his mind work. The others did hold me as well.

[M.W.P.M. · Rating 3 out of 5]

When I was little I had a top
that spun on its point.
A lot of kids had tops,
I guess they spun them.
The tops went round and
around - but?
(The mystery
of centrifugal force?)
My top slowed down and
went crazy-wobble, and I
got up and spun
and staggered dizzy,
flopped and threw
the spin into the floor.

- Tops, pg. 3

* * *

As the whisk broom
is the child of the ordinary broom,
which is cousin to the janitor's broom,
I am a toothbrush
when it comes to bristling,
insufficiently angry
or maybe too angry
to keep my bristles intact
since I know the debris
of the world is too great
for me to handle.
If I could save the world
by being crucified
I certainly would.
But who would nail
a toothbrush to a cross.

- Toothbrush, pg. 13

* * *

Where are those books I ordered and what
were they, oh yes, the Divine Comedy in three volumes
which I keep telling myself I am going to read
in toto, although I wonder about the "divine" part
that Dante himself didn't even have in his title
and to us "comedy" sounds like Shecky Greene
at the Sahara, Shecky who was funny and actually
kind of sad though not tragic. What is tragic is
that I started out thinking about Dante and
ended up thinking about Shecky Greene!

- Now at the Sahara, pg. 21

* * *

You are in a room
in the country
in a country
that has plenty of room

to walk around
in.
You walk to one
end of the room,

turn and walk
out the door
into the room next
to the door

that leads out
to the country
side and to
everywhere

so you turn
around and go
back in to
where you were.

But now the room
has advanced
in time ahead
of you and you

will have to hurry
up or else
the room will leave
you far behind.

- Country Room, pg. 35-36

* * *

What will I have for breakfast?
I wish I had some plums
like the ones in Williams's poem.
He apologized to his wife
for eating them
but what he did not
do was apologize to those
who would read his poem
and also not be able to eat them.
That is why I like his poem
when I am not hungry.
Right now I do not like him
or his poem. This is just
to say that.

- This for That, pg. 45

* * *

You hammer away on
the hills and braes of
bonny Scotland, where
oh the thrill of the thought
of it the heather
runs up like a girl all fresh
and wind-blown to shake
her head and wag a
finger at your naughty
naughty thoughts,
about her, of
course, and you
hammer those hills and braes
with all your might.

- Whiz and bang, pg. 63

* * *

We don't look as young
as we used to
except in dim light
especially in
the soft warmth of candlelight
when we say
in all sincerity
You're so cute
and
You're my cutie.
Imagine
two old people
behaving like this.
It's enough
to make you happy.

- Words from the Front, pg. 71

* * *

What if she, in her magnificence,
picked you up and held you high aloft
in a glittering instant, then, with
a grunt, threw you down the beach
two hundred yards, to where
the stars are now both in the sky
and circling round your head as she
comes loping down the long decline
to pick you up and hurl you once again?

- The Idea of Being Hurled at Key West, pg. 86

* * *

There's a saying
"You can\t make the bed you're lying in."
Actually you can,
though it takes a bit of practice,
and when you've finished
it is nice to lie there
as part of the bed. But soon
you have the urge to move
that surges up against the urge
to keep the bed as is and you
become the background.
Before this point it's best
to slip out twixt the sheets
and go about your day,
the figure from a Japanese screen
who was there only a moment.

- Bed, pg. 95

[C. de L. · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Una vez me apoyé contra un árbol a descansar
Tanto
Que me quedé atrapado ahí
Ese tipo de amor es terrible"

"Ah, qué agradable
vivir así, hacerte llorar, o levantarse
y estornudar, y apagar la luz"

"es la forma en que
me siento, deseando
que el resto de ti
estuviese conmigo"

"Todos
quieren ser
hermosos pero
pocos lo son"

"Si sufres y nadie te conoce
siempre existe la posibilidad
de que seas horrible
(...) y
todo está en calma, todo está radiante"

"Cuando me despierto antes que tú y tú
estás vuelta hacia mí, tu cara
en la almohada y el cabello revuelto,
me arriesgo a quedarme mirándote,
con el asombro del amor y el miedo
a que abras los ojos y que
la luz te mate del susto.
(...) Me ato los cordones
y bajo a calentar café"

"Me fui de casa
para convertirme en
el poeta que pensé
que me gustaría ser"

"Recuerda la belleza, que existe, y la verdad, que no. Fíjate que la idea de verdad es tan poderosa como la idea de belleza".

"-todo puede ser una barrera para la compasión. ¿Pero qué hay de la inteligencia? ¿Cuántas personas de inteligencia notablemente inferior cuentas entre tus verdaderos amigos?"

"Es irritante ser casi viejo sin haber crecido"

"Envidiar el talento de alguien a quien amas es particularmente hermoso y estimulante"

"Por siempre,
todo lo que siempre has querido,
al alcance de la mano"

"No habrá nunca nadie como tú.
Qué vergüenza".

[W.B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A scholar and a gentleman. And Woody Woodpecker. And Hokusai. And Ted Berrigan. And bagels. You could probably give Ron Padgett a one word prompt that was any word in the lexicon (or outside of it) and he would probably gladly sit down and come up with a poem that was memorable for being 1) honest 2) weird 3) twisty 4) in the vernacular and 5) hugely discursive. And therein lies the charm. Padgett is the modern Lucretius, interested in explaining the entire universe to you and perfectly fine with his explanations being much, much more poetry than science. I enjoy the explanations, even when they are shaggy dog peregrinations. New York School is talky, right? He's one of those poets who can write fantastic very short poems too. That's so rare. Between his own poetry and his invaluable work as a translator, educator and memoirist (love the Joe Brainard book) I'd say we have an American treasure here. My favorite Padgett poem isn't in this collection, though. That would be "Who and Each." Unfortunately, I can't find a link for that. But looking for that I did find Michael Leddy's fine appreciation of Padgett here: http://www.ronpadgett.com/RonPadgettB...

[Jeremy Lucas · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's no denying that Padgett writes poetry with a great deal of wit, which is to say that this collection demonstrates a certain amount of intelligence. But you don't get the sense that Padgett actually has much to say. Rather, this collection comes across as of it were written by a really smart, yet bored and entitled high school kid who feels irritated that he has to sit and write anything about anything, when he'd much rather be sleeping. Blah, blah, blah, I thought, then bloh, bloh, bloh, I said. My teacher, made me, write this, so I'm, doing it. Look, I'm, doing, it.

Maybe there's more to it, but I didn't see it. Not here, at least. Just felt like one long ramble, broken into a few sets.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some poems and thoughts in here are so random, yet so precious that I want to put them away in a little box and look at them each time the world seems grey and dreary, which - trust me - is actually quite a lot. Half a point deduction for the poems that were just a bit too random for me and half a point deduction for the things I found a bit problematic in here. And I know, art is allowed to do everything blablabla, but I am and remain uptight.

[Haines Eason · Rating 4 out of 5]

Most poets should care less and share more; Padgett does and is enthralling. Of course, as with any late(r) career writer, there are moments here where he has given himself much license--poems he should have cut, for instance (the book is 114 pages!). Less is more, yes, but I bet he'd insist more is more, too.

[Christy Baker · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm new to Ron Padgett's poetry and this seemed to be a good mixture of shorter and longer with a wide variety of topics with a generally light tone, such as the title piece, though there are more serious contemplations such as why people are so mean. I enjoyed the wit present in many of the pieces and felt the work broadly accessible. I'll seek out more of his work in the future.

[Brandon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Weird book of poetry. I was attracted to Padgett because he wrote the poetry for 'Paterson'. The best stuff here is in that same vein: succinct, simple, spacious. However, most stuff has a modernist spin that left me dizzy.

[Janiela Cid · Rating 5 out of 5]

Llegué a Ron Padgett gracias a la peli Paterson protagonizada por Adam Driver. El libro fue un regalo de fin de año y no dudé en empezarlo pronto y tomarlo a sorbitos. Ron Padgett es maravilloso, su poesía lo es. Me encantaron la mayoría de los poemas del libro, sinceramente, te llenan el corazón.

[Minhaz · Rating 5 out of 5]

YA'LL NEED TO READ THIS.