The Queen's Code

by Alison A. Armstrong

The Queen's Code- Paper Back The long-standing war between the sexes is the stuff of legend. In TV ads, sitcoms and chick flicks everywhere, we've all seen the images - the long suffering woman and the clueless, insensitive man. But what if it's all a misunderstanding?
In this fairy tale for the contemporary woman, Kimberlee seeks advice and discovers a treasure chest of esoteric knowledge hidden within her own family. As she unravels the mysteries of men's behavior in this romantic journey, so will you. As she learns the Language of Heroes, and transforms how she relates to men, so will you.
Whether you're in love with men or frustrated by them - or both - The Queen's Code creates a new ethic and approach for interacting with men in a way that honors both sexes.
From eight distinct points-of-view, you'll get an intimate look inside the hearts and minds of both men and women as we struggle to understand ourselves and each other.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Marriage, Spirituality

ebook

First published October 27, 2013

Reviews

[Amy Jean Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every woman (and man) should read this book. I agree with another reviewer in regards to "puking" to get through it but I think Alison wanted to create a book in a format that was more in line with what the average woman in America reads. For a woman like myself who rarely, if ever, reads fiction, it was hard at times to get through the story into the meat of the material. But I have also been through most of Alison's PAX workshops and I could not be more serious when I say she is one of the most important women of this day and in this society when it comes to the understanding and peace between men and women. America has a gross view of men- I see it and hear it every day. This book has major principles that women need to know about men so that they can radically change their perspective and in doing so allow for so much more peace and fulfillment in their lives. WOMEN NEED TO KNOW THESE THINGS. Like Alison said, read this book as if your life depends on it. It's no joke and once you read it you will understand. And then attend her workshops because at the workshops there is no "story"- there is only clear, precise, and life-changing information. Alison is the most articulate and brilliant woman I have ever and may ever experience in my life.

[Big Tex · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good info.some bad info

(Wife’s review): While I can see some value in what is being taught I almost couldn’t finish the book.It carries with it an implication that women are responsible for men-how they feel, act etc. and gives no ownership to the men. I was highly disturbed by the brief but obvious statements that implied justification and acceptance of domestic violence, and the statement where men who abuse children might not realize what they’re doing-giving men an excuse for disgusting behavior they are absolutely always accountable for-no matter their needs. I also feel the books makes men out to be pathetic in the sense that she paints who they are and implies they can’t change anything abt themselves which is false. Men and women both can understand some innate qualities AND work so they don’t disrupt life. I’m actually shocked by all the 5 star reviews.

[Degan Walters · Rating 1 out of 5]

I finished this book months ago but I lost my notes on it and I wanted to give it a proper tearing-down but oh well, will have to go by memory. The premise is that women don’t allow men to be their best selves so end up turning princes into frogs. To be happy the book has several ideas, which I do actually relate to, but the trouble is that this is not the time for this book. In the age of Trump and the #metoo movement, a half page that references a child molester as “bad business” and other euphemisms and suggests it is an isolated occurrence while suggesting that women need to be gentle and supportive of men, made me throw the book across the room in a rage. I said to my husband that what the world needs now is a book that tells men how to be gentle and supportive of women.

[Townsend · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would have given it a one star just based on HOW it's written. You just want to puke trying to get through the story itself. But the lessons it teaches are very interesting. A little over the top, glorifying all men. But an interesting perspective to make you ponder the differences between men and women, most of which, I believe, are founded in some truth.

[Diana Kingsbury · Rating 1 out of 5]

Before I purchased "The Queen's Code", I read a lot of reviews. Interestingly, the ones that really stood out to me were negative... with a caveat. My review, as it turns out, is in total agreement with *those*.

This was one of the most-godawful-slogs-of-a-book to get through. (There. That is probably the meanest thing I have ever written about a book... but I'm sticking by it.) For someone who is truly a *fabulous* public speaker (and oh, my goodness, Alison Armstrong is certainly that), who has some very keen observations and good advice to impart, she is *not* a good writer.

"The Queen's Code" attempts to impart Ms. Armstrong's relationship wisdom via a (very, very poorly-written) romance novel [ack]. Worse, it just goes on and on and on and... (you get the idea, right?). I seriously thought I would *never* get through it. (I did, eventually, but it was a lot like putting a plate of liver in front of me and telling me I really had to eat it. NOT. PLEASANT.)

So. If you really want to get the benefit of Armstrong's wisdom, I say watch her YouTube videos and interviews. Read her blog. But do not, unless you're really a glutton for punishment, put yourself through this book. You've been warned...

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I hated the way this book was written but the information in the book was enlightening. BUT, let's be honest here, had this been written any other way, it would have been a pamphlet. I do feel like I understand men more than I used to. I would have liked a textbook style book or at least a page in the book that outlined the language of heroes a little better. The words that comprised the language of heroes were interspersed through the whole book, so I feel like it would behoove her, and all readers, to recap a little after suffering through that story, which seemed a bit contrived, btw. After reading this, warts and all, I'm still curious about her other books. I even bought a copy for my friend who is balls deep in a divorce, lol, sorry for the imagery! I do hope the author takes a different approach in respect to her writing style on her other books. It's still worth the read, the price is just a little steep in respect to the actually meat of the book itself. And don't get me started on the potatoes! I was poking around the interwebs to see if someone else had conjured up a language of heroes pdf, because I'm lazy, and I saw her classes are $5000! Good god! Or as someone once said to me, jumping Jesus on a pogo stick. That's steep. The knowledge is priceless, and I'd like to learn it, but it's not in this single mom's budget.

[Dominick Quartuccio · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not just for women!

Fellas, get your hands on this book and don’t let go.

Alison Armstrong has cracked the code on how we live and operate...and I couldn’t believe how much I learned about myself and the way men behave through the reading of this.

Without question, the next relationship I enter, I will be reading this alongside my woman.

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida has been the most influential book I’ve ever read on being a man and relating to the opposite sex...

...and The Queen’s Code is by far the most influential book I’ve ever read, written for women, on celebrating men and satisfying women.

I have a deep admiration for Alison Armstrong for figuring all of this out and sharing it with the world.

[MAK · Rating 1 out of 5]

This a secular version of some Christian books that tell women how they should travel in the world of men.

I think those who agree with the general concepts of the book and gave the book good reviews may have skimmed the book and missed questionable content. The book is ridiculously long so perhaps that is understandable. The book seems to rationalize questionable behavior by men as the result of how they are treated by men---right up to domestic violence. Also we learn one of the main characters Kimberlee was sexually abused as a child by a man. The treatment of this subject is awful, just awful. There is an inference that Kimberlee herself and Kimberlee's mother are partly to blame for this occurring. We never hear from Kimberlee's mother but she is portrayed as a scapegoat throughout the book.

Kimberlee's grandmother is a mentor to Kimberlee and to other women in the book---teaching them everything they are doing wrong when dealing with men.

I'm not a fan of gender specific books like these. For one authors like Armstrong don't provide a counterpoint for men---it is just about telling women what they are doing wrong. I'm all for being kind as a starting point and going from there.

Kimberlee develops a relationship with her coworker Jack in the book. I could do without the office romance. At some point in the book Jack states that he generally prefers women 10 years younger than him. Jack's behavior at times seems unacceptable--but the double standard is in play.
Since this is a fiction book Armstrong isn't always direct with her points. Kimberlee's boss tells a story multiple times and she calls him on it. Her boss is crushed--to the point of having a physiological reaction. Of course it is inferred that instead Kimberlee should be gazing in wonderment at her boss every time he tells the story. Hey--it might not be a good move to tell your boss that he has told the story multiple times--but the idea that Kimberlee is responsible for constantly massaging her boss's ego/other male coworkers egos in the book is a bit much. I bring up the story incident because other similar advice aimed at women in the workplace tells them they are to get to the point and men can hardly bear to listen to excessive words.

The parts of the book dealing with the workplace are a bit much. It suggests women should not be on guard, they should have a warm fuzzy approach that is not expected of men. It doesn't outright say it---but the suggestion is there that women should be worried about massaging their coworkers egos---in a way that we would never tell men to do.

One of the biggest complaints with the book is the dramatic language she uses--ball busting, emasculation and castration. Since there aren't exact female synonyms it is easier for the author to promote her one sided double standards.

[Janett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really loved this book.

I understand all the reasons why you wouldn't: The fact that men and women think differently is not news. It has a cheesy story and simple writing. I personally just thought it was a wonderfully accessible plea to women to stop the cycle of fearing or judging men and creating expectations that leave us eternally disappointed. Beautiful reminder to extend the same kind of caring and trust toward men that we extend toward women in this age of empowerment, sisterhood, and feminism. It's the antidote to the women vs men narrative I sometimes find myself caught in.

[Sondus Al-Aidrous · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is beyond highly recommended,, it has crucial information for every women ,, it's worth being studied and to be included in every girl / women curriculum,, It's not about getting or pleasing a man .. It's about understanding your power , your effect on men, and how to use it to be happier , more in peace and more efficient toward your goals.

[Cropredy · Rating 1 out of 5]

The staff at my local fitness center gave me this book to read after I had mentioned I had read "The Primates of Park Avenue" which introduced me to Birkin bags.

I don't know what to say except to call up the synonyms for "tripe" - especially "gibberish" and "claptrap".

To be fair, I'm not the audience for this book if anyone who looks at my Goodreads' reading history can attest.

The book is spectacularly difficult to read, abetted by the curious type face and the ragged right margins like one would see in a personal diary created in MS Word.

I made it through 30 pages before saying, "no more" - I gave it a chance but would rather read almost anything else than this.

[Chantelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wishhhh that these dots would have connected yearS ago. It coulda woulda shoulda saved me a lot of tension (resentment) on my marriage. Yes, I am surrounded by beautiful husband/wife examples, but I just didn’t get it. I didn’t get why do some woman talk and men listen? How they get what they desire? What makes a man a man? What do these soft, open, gracious, lovely woman do to be treated like a queen?
Yeah, I just didn’t get it.
Now I do.
This book changed my world.
If I apply it to my daily life, I see change and receive it as quick as I can snap my finger or twirl or clap. It just…. happens.

Also, i was blessed with two beautiful grandmothers plus husbands grandmother that had these beautiful qualities. I couldnt put my finger on it and now I see it clearly. Ahh I feel richly blessed by their legacy.

It’s written lamely, not gonna lie. also incompletely. but on the plus side there’s almost no word salad or whatever that is that the cool kids say these days when there’s a bunch of words that say nothing.

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

The most useful information in this book is how to ask effectively for something that you need. But rather than wading through a bland chick-lit plot wrapped around some truly terrible gender/hetero-normative pontificating to get to it, I suggest you watch the author's YouTube video "Getting What You Need." It's what introduced me to her work in the first place, although now I'm regretting taking a closer look...

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

1/Revelations: Some women inadvertently turn a good man into a frog (causes men to change from their best self to their worst selves). You hope to become one rare woman who bring out the best in men. Some women don’t want to be Queens (they would rather be Kings).
2/The Journey Begins: I propose that when you look at a man from comparing him to the female-based Perfect Person, that you cannot see as a man. What you see is a hairy woman. In this way of thinking, there is no possibility that men are meant to have wholly unique capacities. I do expect them to be perfect, and when they aren’t, I think they’re misbehaving, and I have an explanation (usually that he didn’t love her) for it. Women are externally motivated, responding to the needs and preferences of others. Men are internally motivated, they behave more and more in accord with their inner sense of self. What if there is a good reason for everything men do? We need to learn to listen to men (be a safe person to talk to by not interrupting, when he pauses….count to 30); we can try and understand them better by asking (in an open way) what their reason is for doing certain things. Most men have a Single Focus; they do one thing at a time. They put all their attention on that one thing. When a woman asks a question, he commits himself to answering that question. He takes it seriously. He goes hunting for the best answer to her question. That takes time. The rephrased question interrupts his search for the answer to the original question. Now he’s got to give up his commitment to the first and commit to the new one. That takes time too. Imagine he’s making a trip deep into the vault where he keeps his treasures. They’re yours if you can only wait for them. We don’t realize that we prevent men from saying anything beyond the first sentence, when their might be a whole paragraph or a book.
3/Hatpins, Stilettos and Swords: What is the point of punishing men? Why did you do it? While we criticize them, or cold shoulder them, or remain unimpressed, they look chastised. After their initial shock, they look dismayed, disbelieving. Since men are single focused, if they have to defend themselves, they cannot simultaneously defend the woman that they would otherwise have gladly protected. In other words, they cannot defend her because they have to defend themselves. Women ‘castrate’ men which means to deprive of strength, power, efficiency or to weaken. Over time, when a man is castrated in a relationship, in a family, in an organization, even in society, he will respond to women in a way the opposite of his nature. One of his initial reactions will be to keep his distance instead of seeking intimacy. By nature men regard women with love and trust, seeking intimacy and are willing to cherish them. Long term effects of castration/emasculation: compete instead of cherish, keep distance instead of intimacy, approach with suspicion instead of trust, treat with disdain instead of respect, relate from fear instead of love. Kimberlee had a vision of a tiger bemoaning that no one would make love to it, all the while having its claws and teeth bared in anger. Story Telling Phase of the Hunt- He may be teaching a moral lesson, encouraging others, empowering himself with he juices (hormones) that telling the story causes. It is a way of recovering the power or energy spent in the hunt. Estrogen shapes the brain more for gathering and tending. There is an enormous amount of information and experience that goes into that basket with the fruits and nuts. How women emasculate me: withhold appreciation, admiration, participation, sex, not letting him impress you, don’t need them for anything important, criticize them. If only a woman would be content to receive and appreciate all he wanted to provide. Objectification (reduce to thing-ness) of females is the equivalent of emasculation. If you are not using your assets to emasculate, he will naturally appreciate your beauty, sexuality, intellect, humor, needs…If he can keep his power he will not be overwhelmed by yours. The more power your partner has, the more power you both have. Men and women are going to both be powerful, or both be weak. Everything about women can overwhelm men. Because of how sensitive they are to women. Because of how fascinated and nurtured and enlivened and inspired they are by women. Because of how men need women. They know it and most of them accept it. They are not working on getting over it. They are working on getting enough of us. Men are nurtured, literally fed energy, by being in the presence of a contented woman. If she is happy, they are getting recharged. Kimberlee thought, ‘I’m a grown woman. What would it be like to act like one? From partnership instead of fear?’
4/Liberation and Illumination: I saw the weapon as one of them handed it to me. I felt it in my hand, the weight of it. The damage it could wreak. I consciously set it down. I’ve got a mental pile. My own little armory. But I’m not using them. When I gave up emasculating men, I thought that as I became neutral, instead of combative, they would hopefully do the same. Not in a million lifetimes could I have predicted that their attitudes and behaviors would change so dramatically. They haven’t become neutral. They’ve become proactively supportive (Heart of Provider). The makeup of the masculine brain causes it to focus on one result. It commits itself to the accomplishment of that result, and screens out everything that is irrelevant to that result. This is the opposite of the feminine brain which lives in diffuse awareness (consciousness spread in every direction). Men play for points. To a man nothing is worth doing but much is worth providing. A man never does something merely to get it done. It’s not how we’re made. We are result-oriented and impact-oriented. Men are keenly aware of spending energy. We’ve got to get at least as much ack from everything we do. Everything you appreciate gives Mike the energy to do something else for you. Men put the most energy where we win the most points. If you are stingy with them, it doesn’t make him play harder. It prevents him from playing at all. They simply want to provide. If they already know how smart, capable, and competent you are, maybe you do not have to prove it all the time by not letting them provide for you. Questions to ask yourself to determine what something will provide: How will this make me feel? What will I be able to be? What will I be able to do? How will this change my life? How will this change my experience of the situation? Near as I can tell, most women these days won’t let a man provide for them. They want to be the provider.
5/Pumpkin Hours to Desserts: It is critical to know what sex provides for your partner (physical, emotional, spiritual). A spiritual experience of communication and intimacy will almost immediately translate into the physical desire to be close. A person’s will is enabled, strengthened, by love. The greater their ability to dwell in love, the more potent their will. Some people are getting too great a psychological benefit from their wounds to will themselves to be healed. They have incorporated the injury into their identity and do not know who they are without it. Touch only the parts of me you want to turn on. Wanting to have sex is an insufficient basis for a sex life. Indivduals need sex more than wanting will insure. Providing is a more empowering context for a sex life. Share what sex provides for you, as individuals and as a union. Sexy Tank – doing things that put her in her body, receptive to the pleasures she can feel. Women need to feel connected before sex. Men don’t need to feel connected, sex gets them connected. Pumpkin hours – when you don’t want to have sex. Understanding Signals – prevents a host of hurts and missed parties. End Game or Finish – Leave paratner happy, satisfied and looking forward to sex again. Cover Charges – whatever you require to be intimate with a person.
6/The Breaking Point: Knights focus on adventure, Princes focus on building, Kings focus is providing. Men are usually at their breaking point when they notice they need (for food, sleep which is why they can fall asleep anywhere…). A man relates to his needs as Critical and Urgent. If you are someone he considers himself accountable for, someone he provides for, he will relate to your needs as Critical and Urgent as well. Even though he may be committed to providing for your needs, he does not always know what you need. Unless you make it clear what you need, and why he will keep providing what he thinks you need. How to tell a man what you need: 1. Ask for a time to talk, 2. Thank him for being a great provider, 3. Tell him what you need (when, how, what it would look like), 4. Tell him what receiving this would provide for you (what you will be able to do/accomplish/handle and how it would make you feel), 5. Ask the ‘partner question’: Is there anything you need to give me what I need? 6.Is there a way I can show my appreciation for you giving me this? And we often decide what is on the menu without even asking. They never have a chance to give us our heart’s desire. And if men play for points, it means we don’t ever give them the opportunity to score big. We decide ahead of time that they don’t have that much to give. If I had it all my way… A negotiation in a partnership has the opposite intent of the objective in an adversarial relationship. Instead of trying to get the most you can, you are trying to give the most you can, while receiving the least you need to be happy to have given. Since men relate to their needs as urgent and critical, women often think men are being selfish. By looking at everything we need in terms of what it would allow us to be or do or give to others, we’re more likely to get what we need instead of self-sacrificing. This will put you in the point of view to receive them instead of demand them. Most women have become self-sufficient for their needs. For needs women cannot meet (love, attention, touch, help) they will try to figure out who owes them and from whom they can demand it. Woman ask for too little and demand too much. The demand itself eliminates any possibility of giving. Giving is related to future self (who you can become). Demands come from past self (who owes me?). If it is earned then it is a payment, not a gift. Three categories of needs: survival (die without), quality of life (be the person they want to be), and what they have given up on getting (passion, dedication, generosity, connection, loyalty). Men have an immediate relationship to their needs. We postpone our needs until the last possible moment.
7/Beyond the Damsel in Distress: the biggest need they have from women is the need for positive, life-giving attention. Men need attention in the forms of respect, appreciation and admiration, listening and sharing, trust and companionship. Questions to ask your partner: is there anything you need from me that you have given up on getting? Is there anything you need from me that you are about to give up on getting? Is there anything you need from me that is really hard to get? To know men is to love them. And the more you do both, the more painful it will be for you to see how ordinary women treat them. Needing help means you are in over your head. The thing you are trying to accomplish is beyond your strength, your abilities or your resources. Men, in general, want the strongest, most capable woman they can find for a partner. It’s to their advantage. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want to help her. Men are more compelled to partner than women. A compulsion to get married is not the same as a desire to partner. A person who is determined to be self-sufficient has to keep his or her life and their goals small enough to manage single-handedly. To make sure they never need help. Men’s common response: yes. What? He commits himself to helping before he even knows what is needed. Helped (prevention of saving) verses saving (help in an emergency). Saving someone from impending disaster almost always requires more energy than preventing it. Ask for help sooner and you will need to be saved less. Listening to learn: Helps us discover who they are (values, identity, trusted information). Values + trusted information = opinion.
8/The Soul of a Man: If you say ‘I have a problem’ to a man, he perks up. By definition, problems have solutions. You cannot separate Hero and Man. Hero usually means that he makes you feel safe, beautiful, treasured, valued. Learning to be: I claim the freedom from having to do everything myself. I need help and I am able to ask for it. I claim the ability to be supported.

[Irina Stanescu · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book full of surprising insights about relationships and how men vs women think. The author is clearly not a professional writer, so the writing style and dialogs may seem simplistic, but the ideas are very much food for thought. Not sure if I agree with all the points in the book, but with most of them I do. Alison Armstrong also confirms Brene Brown's point that vulnerability and courage are the key to having fulfilling deep human connections (and a very happy life as a consequence). Definitely a recommended read!

[Laura Runco · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. I tried. I really did.

First of all, it is poorly written, to put it nicely. It was painful to read. And I hate to say this bc I haven’t written a book or had anything published. But I do consider myself a well-read person. And this was just rough.

But worse….

She references domestic abuse as a result of women’s behavior. And then dismisses one the main characters sexual assault as potentially her fault or her mothers fault!!!!

She basically says that it is women’s responsibility to stroke men’s egos so that they behave. Used an example of being “fluffy and friendly” at work as to not compete with men, so the men don’t feel threatened.

It doesn’t hold men responsible for their own behavior. Only at ch 3 and it just feels so ick.

He punched a wall to disarm himself?!?! So he wouldn’t hit you? Honey, don’t lie to yourself. Huge red flag. Get help or walk away before you become the wall.

I feel like these are antiquated views and this book teaching us the so called “queens code” is actually a trad-wife handbook.

Final review at ch 3.5: 🤢 🤮

[Ava Merrifield · Rating 3 out of 5]

As with the other book by this author that I read, it was written in the most irritating way imaginable so I took two stars off due to the physical pain I went through to read this.

I would unfortunately recommend this book because the information was good. I apologize to those who read it and suffer because of the writing style.

[DK Simoneau · Rating 3 out of 5]

The information in this book was outstanding. But it is not well written and could benefit from some serious professional editing. If you want some great information on how women can relate better to men it is worth slogging through.

[Mary Gonzales · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never write reviews, but this book is something special. This is the most earth-shattering book I’ve ever read on understanding relationships between men and women.

[Kel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Life changing advice for your marriage and how to understand men. Truly! But only four stars because the story line that carries the advice is cheesy, sappy, and idealistic.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading books is not particularly my favorite past time. Coincidentally this book came at a pivotal time in my life with my family. After a family paradigm shift, I felt isolated and was grieving for the pillars of which our family was created. Nonetheless at this impasse was when a friend - and former student - gave me this book. As her former teacher I found this action to be quite humbling as she sat with me while I sobbed and my seven year old daughter crouched down beside me. I only relay this personal information to help the next woman who may feel as desperate as I had. The book adequately describes the importance that a woman can provide in a marriage - above and beyond the societal norm. The Queen's Code picks apart the male brain (which I would prefer to reference as the Alpha partner's brain since not all marriages are heterosexual) and creates a sense of awareness that the common grievances that Alpha's create are not insensitive and purposeful. This was eyeopening, yet not critical enough for me to gain focus on the success of my family unit. As I continued to read, I came to the revelation that relationships are not in chronological order. There is not a first and second. There is a ying and a yang. The book blatantly describes that there is a king and a queen and both have such a value that individually each could break down the unit, but to the contrary each individual can save the unit. It all depends on what you want. If you want to save your unit, or yourself for that matter, and learn how to navigate relationships out of storm, this book can help. It could help substantially.

[Vanessa Dyne · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am overwhelmed with mixed feelings! On one hand, I learned a lot about how to best communicate with men. I felt there were many valuable lessons and ideas that I have actually started to put into practice. On the other hand, what about the accountability of men? What about their role in understanding the female perspective? The book explains that once the feminine speaks to the masculine in their language then the feminine naturally arises and is joined. I can see that to some degree but I cannot help but think that there is more to it. I want to understand how to communicate in the best way I can, but I also want that same consideration given to me. “The listening to learn” part I found especially off-putting. We should always listen to learn for both sexes. That is part of having good listening skills. But, agreeing and disagreeing respectfully is also important. I learned quite a lot, but the last 10% of the book started to lose me. There wasn’t a balance of the masculine and feminine perspectives. Having said that, there was much information that could be helpful regarding communication skills with BOTH sexes; I just felt like the “defeminization” (no word for it so I made it up) of women (or those that operate more on their feminine) has been a very real and destructive thing for quite some time and needed to be more fully addressed. So..I definitely recommend it as it has some excellent tools for communicating more effectively, especially with men, which is invaluable in living fulfilling lives. But be warned of simplistic writing and some important subject matter being blown off.

[Alayna Cardwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

*I love this book for would place a warning for some women.
For me personally: absolutely recommend this book. It was extremely helpful and I used a lot of the communication suggestions with my husband and was truly shocked at how much easier things were. For conflicts and the “if I had it my way” point, we were both having fun and found an easy solution to our issue.
The portions on sex were so informative and I would suggest this book to anything in a relationship, no matter how long.
FOR OTHERS: because this is a book is about understanding men and woman’s issues in understanding them, it inevitably is placing blame on WOMEN. That is the nature of the book and is a necessary part of analyzing oneself for the betterment of a relationship with a man. (Any man, not just one you are intimately involved with). IF you have a history of being manipulated and abused by men please read this book cautiously or with a professional or someone who you strongly trust their marriage. It would be easy to think the author is taking “sides” and placing blame in areas that don’t fit the context of this book.
Hope that helps!

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

I made it 1/3rd of the way through -grinding my teeth the whole way - before abandoning this book. I think the intent of this book was good, and I *really* wanted to get to the meat of the book -- the things I could learn from, but I could not get past the premise. Why did it have to be couched in the form of a non-fiction book centered around three women that weren't well fleshed out and, who I frankly found to be all terribly annoying? This book was recommended to me by a life coach and, omg, I really tried. I really did. Are there cliffs notes listing the valuable lessons that I assume are dispersed throughout the book?

[chris · Rating 2 out of 5]

The "chapters" if we can call them that, go on and on and on. While there's information to be had here, the layout or design of consumption of the information, through endless chapters and endless conversations, is poorly designed.
There are only 8 chapters and it's 359 pages, for example.
Also curious how the information would apply to ever changing gender world? What if you're not a cis-female & partner is not cis-male?
Would be great to have tools one can use in any and all relationships and not just romantic, and with all people regardless of gender-identity.

[Chaitea43 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent!

I don't even know where to start. Excellent book! I learned so much about how to communicate with men, and a better understanding of men and women. Here's to upholding the Queen's Code!

[Juliana Boos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very cheesy story and terms used in it, one needs to take it with a grain of salt how it’s written, but had some interesting points on how men are different than women and how to live more harmoniously with them.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the over the top cheesiness of this book was a little off-putting, the information that it presents is essential. Reading and implementing it would transform every woman's life.

[Layne Streuding · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every. Woman. Should. Read. This.
I need a couple of weeks to wrap my head around all the important and minute wisdom given generously in this book before I start seriously recommending it to others... because there’s a lot to it that is in contrast to our conditioning and may feel anti feminist.
Simply wow. I will surely have this book in my back pocket for reference whenever I need counsel or am giving counsel to women who feel undermined by or against men.

[Ze Winters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely beautiful information. Applied easily and found better connections IMMEDIATELY with my father, brother and my partner- thank you....I will be reading every book Alison publishes!