Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?

by Molly Ivins

Whether she's writing about redneck politics in her native Texas or the discreet charms of Bushwazee, Molly Ivins in never less than devastatingly honest—and hilarious.  Our toughest, funniest, and savviest columnist delivers the goods

-Texas "Well, our attorney general is under indictment.  He ran as 'the people's lawyer'; now we call him 'the people's felon.'"

-The flag burning "Bush's last birthday cake was in the form of the American flag, and he ate it— stars, stripes, and all.  Think about where that flag wound up—I call that desecration."

-Being a woman in "There are several strains of Texas  They are all rotten for women... One not infrequently sees cars or trucks sporting the bumper sticker "Have fun—beat the hell out of someone you love."

Genres: Nonfiction, Politics, Humor, Essays, Journalism, Memoir, History

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1991

About the author

American newspaper columnist, political commentator, and best-selling author from Austin, Texas.

Reviews

[Howard · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Dallas Times Herald hired Molly Ivins away from the New York Times by promising to allow her to write whatever she wanted. That was a deal maker.

She had never felt at home working for the Times, which she described as a “great newspaper; but no fun,” and the new job would return her to her home state where she felt more comfortable, even though she later described Dallas “as the kind of town that would have rooted for Goliath against David.”

The paper’s promise to her was tested when she wrote in her column of a congressman – whom she named – “that if his I.Q. slips any lower, we’ll have to water him twice a day.” This created a backlash in which angry letters to the editor were written; subscriptions were canceled; and some advertisers took their business elsewhere.

True to their word, however, her editors defended her and reacted by renting billboards throughout the city that read “Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She?” The slogan became the title of this book, her first. She would write five more.

The answer to the question on the billboards was answered in her columns by what she continued to write:

*The Legislature is, among other things, the finest free entertainment in Texas. Better than the zoo. Better than the circus.

*Every two years, one of the most hotly contested elections in Texas is the poll taken among the members of the capitol press corps to determine who are actually the ten stupidest members of the Legislature.

Two years ago, there were thirty-seven official nominees and several write-ins.

*Over in the Legislature, the latest incumbent indicted was Senator Carl Parker of Port Arthur, brought up two weeks ago on charges of pushing pornography, running prostitutes, and perjury.

We feel this is the best indictment of a sitting legislator since last year, when Representative Bubba London of Bonham got sent up for cattle rustling. It’s rare to find a good case of cattle rustling in the Legislature anymore, so we’re real proud of London.

*As we all know, Baptists (who stand here metaphorically for the entire Southern fundamentalist world view) are agin sin, which they define as drinkin’, dancin’ and carryin’ on. Carryin’ on is the worst.

*In 1972, under Article 1220 of the Texas Penal Code, a man could murder his wife and her lover if he found them “in a compromising position” and get away with it as “justifiable homicide.”

Women, you understand, did not have equal shooting rights.

*I’ve said it before: War brings out the patriotic bullies. In World War I, they went around kicking dachshunds on the grounds that dachshunds were “German Dogs.” They did not, however, go around kicking German shepherds.

*The trouble with blaming powerless people is that although it’s not nearly as scary as blaming the powerful, it does miss the point. Poor people do not shut down factories …. Poor people didn’t decide to use “contract employees” because they cost less and don’t get any benefits.

*I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

*When politicians start talking about large groups of their fellow Americans as “enemies,” it’s time for a quiet stir of alertness. Polarizing people is a good way to win an election, and also a good way to wreck a country.

In 1999, Ivins was diagnosed with Stage III inflammatory breast cancer. She continued to write all the way up to January 2007 when she died at age sixty-two.

Her last column, written that month, was one in which she urged her readers “to raise hell” against the war in Iraq, a war that she opposed even before it began.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I deeply regret that we didn't get a chance to hear what Molly would have said about Sarah Palin. The mind reels.

[Robert J. Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had a more extensive review and somehow lost it.

Molly Ivins was a hoot, with a genuine love for Texas, people, politicians, scoundrels, scamps and crooks (some redundancy there), and even Lubbock. Her collection of anecdotes are priceless - I love the apocryphal one about the Texas legislator who took money from the chiropractors' lobbyist, then voted against the bill. When asked why, he explained that 1) the doctors gave him more money and 2) the lobbyist should have known he was weak when he took the chiropractors' money.

She's also serious about freedom of the press and the First Amendment: at a meeting to restrict pornography, a group came to oppose the bill. She said, you look at your friends and realize how many of them look like perverts.

This book made me want to become a reporter, despite all the negatives.

I mourn her loss.

[Kaethe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, how I miss Molly Ivins. It's hard to write about politics in a way that is both involved and amused, and she managed both.

[Chana · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is dated in some ways, but in other ways nothing has really changed. Time has changed the characters and the technology but politics and human behavior remain the same.
I enjoyed reading this quite a bit. I loved the colorful characters out of Texas, and it was a pleasure to read these articles in which Molly Ivan's wit, intelligence, eye for seeing through the BS, her sense of humor, and her journalistic integrity are so in evidence. I wish I could hear her opinions on the political characters of today. The world needs clear thinking, straight talking journalists like Molly Ivans.
Now a lot of people laughed when they read this book. I wonder if they cried also because I did. My tears started with the article about "Shit the Dog" and continued through the article about the Vietnam Memorial. Started up again with the article on Beulah Mae Donald, I'm still shaking about that one. It made me want to be rich so I could donate a whole bunch of money to the Southern Poverty Law Center, G-d bless those people in their work!
This is a recommended read.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

First things first, I miss Molly Ivans, she left us way too soon and I would have loved to hear what she had to say about what's been going on since she left us. I read this book knowing that she was no longer here and that this book was dated. However, dated or not, some things in politics amazing (actually very sadly) stay the same. There were a lot of her stories that are relevant in the here and now. So if you like Molly's way of writing, read this book, you won't be disappointed.

[Leif Erik · Rating 5 out of 5]

Damn, I miss Ivins. Best political writer I've ever read.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

The late Molly Ivins was a unique and irreplaceable asset to American culture, and this is one of her best books. She talks more about her own life here than in other books, at the same time she recounts the situations that led her to tilting at various state and national government windmills and their proprietors. Strongly recommended for anyone who likes their progressive politics seasoned with a mixture of humor and "this has to stop" anger when ordinary people get hurt because of the misbehavior of government officials.

[Bill Amos]

Without her, Texas is a lost prairie.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lucky me! I received this book at my book club Christmas gift exchange where we all include a book we've read and loved with a new gift. I enjoyed reading Molly Ivins' book so much that I included it in this year's gift exchange (but it was hard to do, I wanted to keep it and read it over and over again). While the book was published 30+ years ago, Molly Ivins spot-on political commentary is as timely and hilarious as ever. All I could think about was if she were alive and well and writing today, WHAT WOULD SHE SAY???!!! I miss her very much and feel so fortunate that we will continue to have her writing to read and reflect upon (and laugh along with) for years to come.

[Margaret McLane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious! A collection of her newspaper columns previously published.

When I'm sad, depressed, I pick up Molly Ivans. Like a crowbar, her writing lifts me out of the dumps!

I would use this book as therapy. On days when I was so angry and depressed, upset to tears, I would pick up this book, purposely, to yank me out of that mental state. And it always worked!

[Georgia Roybal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was quite an enjoyable book with commentaries about many aspects of life in Texas both everyday life and especially about politics. Reading about some of the events and people during the Reagan presidency did not give me a sense of nostalgia-more like nausea. Her first essay on Ann Richards' sense of humor was priceless. Molly Ivins may or may not be able to say that, but she sure made me laugh!

Some of the quotes I liked are the following:

"One cow, one vote."

"everything is one color-dry."

"Good thing we've still got politics in Texas-finest form of free entertainment ever invented."

"When Clements had been studying Spanish, Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower was moved to comment, 'Oh good. Now he'll be bi-ignorant.'" (He's funny, too!)

"Just as with yoga, in order to truly excel at not blinking, you must begin by letting your mind become perfectly empty. The right sport for Ronald Reagan."

Regarding Reagan again, "He's walkin' around dead and don't know enough to lie down"

Reagan again: "The president is the dead mouse on the floor of American politics, and the only question left is who is going to pick him up and carry him out of the room." from Nick Hoffman of CBS.

"Reagan would be perfect saying, 'I'm not a president. But I play one on TV.'"

re Reagan: "If the man had a brain, he'd play with it."

Jim Hightower on the first Bush: "If ignorance ever goes to $40 a barrel, I want the drillin' rights on that man's head."

Carlos Ashley: "the state's 'poet lariat'"

"The War on Drugs is the perfect substitute for the cold war."

"state corporatism that increasingly dominates our own economy and that Republicans keep confusing with freedom"

Speaker of the Texas House Gib Lewis during a budget hearing: "I move we recess to go outside and throw up."

"My Aunt Eula's bank in Fort worth has been swallowed so many times by bigger banks, she calls it 'Edible National.'"

"Mike Dukakis's idea of a hot night is rearranging his sock drawer; after he won the New York primary, he went out and painted the town beige."

"Reagan's Victorianism transcends truth. It circumvents politics. It gives America what it demands in a time of insoluble crisis: fairy tales."

"it's racist for any Texas reporter south of Lubbock not to be able to speak Spanish."

[Glen Engel-Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve only recently begun to pay an active attention to politics. I may have paid attention to topics in the past, at least more than the majority of Americans since I did vote, but I didn’t really search out information. These days, however, I tune to NPR for the coverage of certain issues, and will catch a newspaper or magazine article if the topic really intrigues me. It doesn’t necessarily help me make political decisions any better than before, but I am better able to communicate my opinions.

I’m sure no one ever told Molly Ivins that she had trouble communicating her opinions, though. Communicate them she does, with a drawl and a wry grin. I’m sad that I’ve only recently started to search out information, because I would have loved to have read these essays by Ivins when they were topical. After the fact, they’re enjoyable, especially since I lived in Texas during the time the majority of these essays were written. Some of the topics I recall vaguely, like the Gib-erish of Texas House Speaker Gib Lewis (“I cannot tell you how grateful I am–I am filled with humidity.” “I want to thank each and every one of you for having extinguished yourselves this session.”). Other topics I knew intimately, like the furor over Governor Mark White’s “No Pass, No Play” rule.

It was fun to revisit those days and to catch up on those things I had missed because I was too busy playing around at school. Ivins’ style is so full of Texas itself that it was scary–I felt like I was back amongst those dumb Aggies (a quick wave to my bubba!) and crazy rednecks. I even felt homesick for a moment–then I remembered: Texas, it’s a good place to visit, but I’ve already lived there.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Molly Iven's passed away, we lost a reporter who could cut through the political rhetoric and tell the story truthfully. She was gutsy, irreverent, humorous and remarkable! Any book of hers is one well read!

[Margie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Molly Ivins.
I love that even 20 and 30 years after she wrote these pieces, they're still relevant. The situations may have changed slightly, but her outlook remains worth considering.
I miss her terribly.

[Jacki Moss · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this wonderful book years ago and was lucky enough to see Molly in person at the Southern Book Festival in Nashville. She was as authentic and brilliant in person as she was in her writing.

I wonder what she would say about the state of politics today.

[Denis Kaufman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book years ago, enjoyed it immensely and am re-reading it now. Molly Ivins, writing on the Texas "Lege", is one of the great political humorists in our history.

[Therese Wiese · Rating 5 out of 5]

Assortment of columns from various publications. Liberal, political, lots of Texas humor. I loved it!

[Janis · Rating 4 out of 5]

After watching the documentary, Raise Hell: The Life and Times of Molly Ivins, it was fun to read her book Molly Ivins Can’t Say That, Can She? She had written these pieces for various publications in the 1970s and 1980s and then collected them into book form in 1992. Most of Ivins’ writing has aged suprisingly well, although a few references to minorities would no longer be deemed acceptable. Her witty observations about Texas and national politics were spot-on.

Here’s some of my favorite Molly Ivins-isms:

“Good thing we’ve still got politics in Texas—finest form of free entertainment ever invented.”
“But [Governor Bill] Clements, although a miserable governor, makes a wonderful target. When told Clements had been studying Spanish, Agriculture Commissioner Jim Hightower was moved to comment, “Oh good. Now he’ll be bi-ignorant.”
“The thanks of a grateful nation will flow toward Texas when y’all see what we have sent Washington this time.”

[Kellye · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think Molly Ivins is hilarious, but I’m too far removed in age to fully *get* some of the political stories.

[Rebecca Douglass · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a collection of wholly outdated political essays by a columnist whose work I read religiously when she was still alive and writing. So why did I give 5 stars to something that dated? Well, for one thing, many of these essays are still hilarious. Sadly, many also show how little has changed in some key areas of American politics in the last 20 years. Maybe especially in Texas politics. Sometimes while reading Ivins' smack-downs of closed-minded conservatives, it seemed like they could be aimed at any number of current politicians and groups.

Or consider some of her advice to young reporters: "There's no excuse for spreading misinformation just because it comes from someone in a high place." That follows on another essay in which she writes,

"The American press has always had a tendency to assume that the truth must lie exactly halfway between any two opposing points of view. Thus, if the press presents the man who says Hitler is an ogre and the man who says Hitler is a prince, it believes it has done the full measure of its journalistic duty.

"This tendency has been aggravated in recent years by a noticeable trend to substitute people who speak from a right-wing ideological perspective for those who know something about a given subject."

Any wonder I had to check the publication date on that one?

[Samilja · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rest assured, if someone thinks Molly Ivins 'can't say that'... she will. This book was written in the early 90's and focuses on Texas government shenanigans - a subject Ivins, who at the time was a political reporter and contributor to several nationally renowned periodicals, is more than qualified to dissect. She's witty and funny in her observations. Sure, she can skewer a politician in one swift stroke, but she does it with humor and without malice which is a nice change from recent writers, like Ann Coulter, who can't manage a lick of objectivity with all the hate leaking into their words. She's also an equal opportunity skewerer - she may have been a liberal at heart but she saw all politicians as part of one porky pie and held none as beyond a good baking.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Damn, this woman had a vocabulary. I was never so grateful to read a book on my Kindle, with that easy dictionary function. I liked reading this, even if the intricacies of Texas politics in the late 70s and early 80s got kinda boring at times. She was clearly passionate about it. I read past some of the predictable hillbilly anecdotes from the legislature (e.g., a fistfight on the floor of the House in the 1950s) until I realized--there was a fistfight on the floor of the House in the 1950s.

Still funny, still incisive, still incredible that such an outspoken liberal had a column in a Dallas newspaper.

[Seana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book for my book group, and I think we were all a bit surprised that it wasn't exactly what we thought it would be. Ivins was a bright, witty woman, who approached the fact that she lived in Texas as material for infinite observation. It is worth reading for the insight into that singular state, but I have to say that collections of articles are too ephemeral to have the kind of staying power that you'd hope. I could have read more, it was entertaining, but I pretty much stopped once I'd been to our meeting. I may pick it up again, when I'm in the mood for her wit. This kind of collection is better in small doses anyway.

[Book Concierge · Rating 3 out of 5]

Oh, I love Molly Ivins's take on Texas politics! I read it first in the late 1980s (I think). I'm a native Texan, although I've lived in Wisconsin since 1968, and I really connected with what she wrote. One of my book clubs chose it in 1998 as a "light read." It was so dated by then, but I still appreciated her biting wit and her writing.

My favorite example of that is when she is describing one Texas state legislator's lack of intelligence: "Having a debate with him was like target practice on a whale tied to a tree."

I wish she were still alive to keep entertaining us so.

[Joe Henry · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a collection of previous writings, organized into sections by category: “Texas Bidness,” “The Reagan Administration Revisited: Under Indictment or Under Average,” “The Discreet Smarm of the Bushwazee: Campaign Notes and the First Year,” “Wimmin, and Ancillary Matters,” “Words and Heroes.” The early sections were entertaining, but it took me forever to get through them and at times I thought about laying the whole thing aside. The last sections, however, really came alive for me; that’s where I started thinking of people I’d recommend it to.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious reading and SOOOOO Texas...I can actually hear the twang in her voice as I read her plethora of published articles. Molly gives a satirical view of various events in past Texas politics from the 70s into the 90s. One does not even have to start at the beginning...you can just choose an article to read and will find yourself laughing out loud, chuckling, shaking your head and thinking, "Oh, good heavens...those Texas men need to join the 20th century!" It just doesn't get any better than Molly Ivins if you're going to talk "political Texas trash"!

[Gerry Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished reading "Molly Ivins Can't Say That, Can She?" A book of her columns from the late 1970 and 1980 originally published in newspapers and magazines and each column is still as fresh as the day it was written. I recommend it as a fun reading about everyday U.S. politics, but with a concentration on Texas.

This book illustrates just how much politics remain the same over time, although the characters have different names
A++

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh, how I wish Molly were alive in 2019. Her ability to skewer politicians and their foibles leaves her readers laughing. She is never bitter or mean, but her sharp wit and skill at using the English language paints a wonderful portrait of whomever she has targeted for the day. She worked for years covering the antics of the Texas legislature, and later moved on to Washington during the Reagan administration. Her observations and comments are priceless.

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading Molly Ivins' first compilation of columns into a book has been a complete pleasure. It allowed me the chance to read her oldest stuff, which I'd never done before. From right-on columns about Dallas that are still-pertinent 23 years later to the weeds of life under Reagan and Bush 1, Molly got it right every time.