Bacon and Egg Man: A Novel

by Ken Wheaton

In the halls of Congress, on the streets, in the media, the war on fast food is on. Tofu may be topical, but bacon is eternal. Bacon and Egg Man, Ken Wheaton’s second novel, is a sly send-up of a politically correct food establishment, where the Northeast has split off from the rest of the United States. The new Federation is ruled by the electoral descendants of King Mike, a man who made it his mission to form a country based on good, clean living. But you can’t keep good food down. And Wes Montgomery, a journalist at the last print paper in the Federation, is a mild-mannered bacon-and-egg dealer on the side. Until he gets pinched and finds himself thrust into Chief Detective Blunt’s wild-eyed plot to bring down the biggest illegal food supplier in the land. To make matters worse, Wes is partnered with Detective Hillary Halstead, the cop who, while undercover, became his girlfriend. Their journey takes them from submarine lairs to sushi speakeasies, from Montauk to Manhattan, where they have to negotiate with media magnate the Gawker before a climactic rendezvous with the secretive man who supplies the Northeast with its high-cholesterol contraband, the most eternal of all breakfast bacon and eggs.

Genres: Fiction

274 pages, Paperback

First published February 12, 2013

About the author

Born and raised in Opelousas, Louisiana, Ken Wheaton is the author of "The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival," "Bacon and Egg Man," "Sweet as Cane, Salty as Tears," and "Duck Duck Gator." He now lives in Colorado.

Reviews

[Berengaria · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 solid stars

First the good...
This self-published (?) satirical novel contains THE best dialogue I've read in years. Realistic and unique to each character, it's a joy to read. Wow, I am duly impressed.

It also contains some of the most realistic couple's spats I think I've ever read. The level of ability to get that down on paper, oh man! But then, the author blurb says that Ken Wheaton is in the advertising industry - not journalism - so perhaps that's where it comes from. All of it's short, punchy and memorable.

Then the not so good...

For being set in 2050 and published in 2011, the story has a strong 1990s feel to it. The part of the 1990s where politically correctness, environmentalism and so-called "healthy lifestyle" were just coming into fashion and people were already freaking out about it destroying life, the universe and America as we know it.

In 2050, a '90s mindset would be 60 years out of date, making the premise of the story and the mindset of our hero not match with the futuristic environment it is set in.

Given that we know people's taste buds change and adapt to their normal diet, it seems rather unlikely that people raised vegan would fall into swooning delight at the taste of greasy pork rinds and the chemical sweetness of a super processed food like Twinkies. More like, they'd spit it out and ask how you could possibly stomach such stuff. (Not little kids, maybe, but adults)

Sure, the ban on unhealthy food is meant as a metaphor for the banning of all sorts of things by a hypocritical nanny state taking away an adult's right to choose while keeping themselves well supplied. And as that, it's a fun romp.

But then, in the end, you aren't sure what Wheaton's message is.

Is meat and junk food worth preserving, or is it a guilty pleasure best left alone? Are people just pigs who'll eat any old crap - literal and figurative - and not care? Are governments by definition hypocritical swine? And despite all societal advances, as long as there are men in the media, will blatant sexism and misogyny in the name of entertainment survive?

This leaves Bacon & Egg Man at about a good 3 star read. Some really superb writing and characterisation, but hopelessly stuck in the 1990s for most of it and a tad foggy on the actual message.

[Kerri Zezulinski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read. As a New Yorker living through the Bloomberg era the book is timely, thought provoking and fun all at the same time. I hope to never live in a bacon free world!

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

This review originally published in Looking For a Good Book. Rated 3.5 of 5

Our government is at war. With fast food.

We are in what might be best described as the future in an alternative timeline in what was once the United States of America. The Northeast has seceded and the rest of the country is now run by "the electoral descendants of King Mike, a man who made it his mission to form a country based on good, clean living."

And what happens when something becomes illegal? There becomes a black market for those things. Wes Montgomery is a journalist at the last actual paper newspaper in the union (now called the Federation). When he's not covering the news, he's making it, as a bacon and egg dealer on the side. He gets caught by the local constabulary but Detective Blunt has bigger fish to fry and wants to use Wes to get at the biggest illegal food dealers in the Federation.

Wes will be watched closely by Detective Hillary Halstead, who falls for his charm (and his steaks) and the two get intimately close. Together they will face the dangers of the underworld and enough gut-filling foods to film a feature-length dining scene ala Tom Jones.

I really loved the idea of this book, and the on-point pertinent satire. We've had leaders declare a war on drugs, a war on communism, war on immigration, war on business monopolies. How much of a stretch is it to suggest someone might declare a war on junk food - particularly in light of the fact that Americans are generally more obese than those of any other country and Americans also consume more junk food than anyone else.

Once the novelty of this idea wore off, however, the book began to sag a bit. Wes's slow, dry manner made it hard to keep up the energy needed to stay interested. What's in the next chapter? More Food? more sex? And this is different from the other chapters how...?

This was fun, but I feel it would have been better off with tighter editing and a sharper focus toward the end.

Looking for a good book? Bacon and Egg Man by Ken Wheaton is a clever dystopian novel that follows in the footsteps of satire novels such as Catch-22, Candide, and Slaughterhouse-Five but doesn't quite live up to these literary giants.

I received a digital copy of this book from the publisher, through Edelweiss, in exchange for an honest review.

[Paul Garvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bacon and Egg Man is a sarcastic dystopian novel that rips the piss out of health freaks, fat people (and dystopian societies) at the same time. So needless to say I really enjoyed it.

Wes Montgomery deals Bacon and Eggs among other foodstuffs that the 'Federation' has outlawed since its secession from the rest of the United States. Wes, to me, was an everyman. He was a normal guy by today's standards, but forced to live in (or reluctant to leave) a society where an individual's freedom to gorge oneself has been rudely stripped away by the kale-eating powers that be. He falls in love with Hillary Halstead, an undercover detective that I continuously pictured as that saucy cartoon from Roger Rabbit. Wes gets jammed up, then he and Hillary are whisked into a deep cover operation to infiltrate the Federation's largest illegal food peddler. The mission leads them into the creepy realm of the Federation's elite and they get a first hand look at the ruling class's hypocrisy and debauchery.

Like I said, really enjoy the book. If you replaced the Bacon and Eggs with cocaine or heroin, it would've have been more serious, something like a law and order episode. However, the hilarious premise was enough for me to chuckle throughout. Nice work.

[Brice Meerman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Ken Wheaton. His sophomore novel is just as well written as his first book, but completely different. I mean its not even the same genre. But what this book is about, who it's characters are, or what style it's written in doesn't matter one iota. This book is meant for everyone who likes to laugh.

Update, just read this a second time, almost exactly 3 years later and it's just a good a second time. I love how easy this is to read. The flow is simply genuine and true to the characters that it's easy to get lost in the world. When I grow up I want to be the Bacon and Egg Man!

[Charles G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read. Don't expect to read Ayn Ran. This is a story of a man following in his fathers footsteps, told over the course of one long weekend. The back drop is the nanny state, but its an after thought and not too preachy.

[Fallon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really fun read! It took a little bit for me to really get in to the story but once I did, I was obsessed with finishing it. I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 because of the abrupt ending. I wanted more! Hopefully there's a sequel in the works.

[Lisa Harshberger · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting commentary on what could happen if the government decided to control your health.

[Adan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fairly predictable, but overall I enjoyed the story.

[April Kyle Nassi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyable read, and an interesting commentary that at times strikes a little too real...

[Pat · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a little slow to get started for me. Once it took off I couldn't put it down. If this is the future of our country, it is very scary.