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A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neetsa Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World
In the not-too-distant future, competing giant fast food factions rule the world. Leonard works for Neetsa Pizza, the Pythagorean pizza chain, in a lonely but highly surveilled home office, answering calls on his complaints hotline. It’s a boring job, but he likes it—there’s a set answer for every scenario, and he never has to leave the house. Except then he starts getting calls from Marco, who claims to be a thirteenth-century explorer just returned from Cathay. And what do you say to a caller like that? Plus, Neetsa Pizza doesn’t like it when you go off script.
Meanwhile, Leonard’s sister keeps disappearing on secret missions with her “book club,” leaving him to take care of his nephew, which means Leonard has to go outside. And outside is where the trouble starts.
A dazzling debut novel wherein medieval Kabbalists, rare book librarians, and Latter-Day Baconians skirmish for control over secret mystical knowledge, and one Neetsa Pizza employee discovers that you can’t save the world with pizza coupons.
Meanwhile, Leonard’s sister keeps disappearing on secret missions with her “book club,” leaving him to take care of his nephew, which means Leonard has to go outside. And outside is where the trouble starts.
A dazzling debut novel wherein medieval Kabbalists, rare book librarians, and Latter-Day Baconians skirmish for control over secret mystical knowledge, and one Neetsa Pizza employee discovers that you can’t save the world with pizza coupons.
249 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2014
48 people are currently reading
1515 people want to read
About the author
Rachel Cantor
9 books98 followersI am the author of the novels Half-Life of a Stolen Sister (Soho Press 2023), Good on Paper (Melville House 2016), and A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neetsa Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World (Melville House 2014).
I live in New York, in the writerly borough of Brooklyn, but have also made my home in most U.S. states between Virginia and Vermont. In addition to writing fiction, I freelance as a writer for nonprofits that work in low-income countries. I’ve worked everywhere from Azerbaijan to Zimbabwe (most recently in Laos, Namibia, and Nigeria). I spent much of my adolescence in Rome, and as a young adult, wandered the world--working on food festivals in Melbourne, Australia, and European jazz festivals in France; living in rural Gujarat while interning for a Gandhian nonprofit; and teaching Afghan women refugees in Peshawar, Pakistan. I am a native New Englander; my love for the Boston Red Sox is fanatical.
My stories have appeared in magazines such as the Paris Review, One Story, Ninth Letter, Kenyon Review, New England Review, Fence, and Volume 1 Brooklyn. They have been anthologized, nominated for three Pushcart Prizes, and short-listed by both the O. Henry Awards and Best American Short Stories. I have also written about fiction for National Public Radio, the Guardian, Publishers Weekly, and other publications. I'm working now on a series of middle grade and young adult books set in Manhattan’s Lower East Side.
I live in New York, in the writerly borough of Brooklyn, but have also made my home in most U.S. states between Virginia and Vermont. In addition to writing fiction, I freelance as a writer for nonprofits that work in low-income countries. I’ve worked everywhere from Azerbaijan to Zimbabwe (most recently in Laos, Namibia, and Nigeria). I spent much of my adolescence in Rome, and as a young adult, wandered the world--working on food festivals in Melbourne, Australia, and European jazz festivals in France; living in rural Gujarat while interning for a Gandhian nonprofit; and teaching Afghan women refugees in Peshawar, Pakistan. I am a native New Englander; my love for the Boston Red Sox is fanatical.
My stories have appeared in magazines such as the Paris Review, One Story, Ninth Letter, Kenyon Review, New England Review, Fence, and Volume 1 Brooklyn. They have been anthologized, nominated for three Pushcart Prizes, and short-listed by both the O. Henry Awards and Best American Short Stories. I have also written about fiction for National Public Radio, the Guardian, Publishers Weekly, and other publications. I'm working now on a series of middle grade and young adult books set in Manhattan’s Lower East Side.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 202 reviews
February 4, 2014
Did you ever have a friend who was SO EXCITED to tell you about this WILD dream she had the night before and you listen, patiently, as she begins to describe it? You quickly realize that it just goes on and on and has no point. Some of it is interesting, most of it makes no sense, and quite a bit is just plain repetition (Felix has a red afro!).
Yeah, that is this book.
I wanted to like it, and for the most part- I liked Leonard. I wanted to see Leonard bust out of the white room. I got what I wanted but I had to mire through some confusing crap to get there.
At least twenty times I said to myself, "Why oh why isn't this Carol's story?"
Long story short: I went in expecting Scorch and I got something a bit more mystical with some Terry Pratchett thrown in for good measure.
Yeah, that is this book.
I wanted to like it, and for the most part- I liked Leonard. I wanted to see Leonard bust out of the white room. I got what I wanted but I had to mire through some confusing crap to get there.
At least twenty times I said to myself, "Why oh why isn't this Carol's story?"
Long story short: I went in expecting Scorch and I got something a bit more mystical with some Terry Pratchett thrown in for good measure.
July 28, 2016
Basically this is a prime example of what happens when good ideas get screwed up in the execution process. I was going to sum up the book with a less eloquent WTF, but it seems like I ought to expand on that. And so Cantor has ideas, many original ideas involving Jewish mysticism, history, theology, time travel, food and so on, she has a usable, practically erudite knowledge of real life figures, particularly of medieval variety and isn't afraid to use it. She created a book that is as the expression goes good on paper (which is ironically the name of her other novel...or maybe that isn't irony, but utterly fails as a cohesive story. Cantor flat out overwhelms her already implausible (as title suggests) plot with so much quirk, faux cuteness and the aforementioned erudite knowledge that it absolutely negates any positive points and results in an unbalanced mishmash of a story that's challenging to follow and nearly impossible to enjoy. The book can be vaguely placed somewhere in the science fiction realm, quirky scifi (is that a thing?) and it obviously tries, actually tries too much, which doesn't help, but it's just such a...silly thing. And, despite some lofty themes, kind of a waste of time. Not a lot of time, it does read quickly, but still a few hours. The attached author interview and reading guide make the book seems so much more interesting and compelling that it actually was.
January 22, 2014
Rachel Cantor’s blast of a debut novel, A Highly Unlikely Scenario (Melville House), is one of the more efficient Literary Pleasure Delivery Systems available so far in 2014, and also one of the more manic. It is highbrow science fiction at top speed, full of sharp turns, even sharper turns-of-phrase, and herring jokes. Cantor does not pause for quotation marks, let alone exposition; the unrelenting pace makes for an occasionally overwhelming reading experience, but one that remains enjoyable all the way through, assuming you can keep up.
Read my whole review in the KGB Bar Literary Journal: http://www.kgbbar.com/lit/book_review...
Read my whole review in the KGB Bar Literary Journal: http://www.kgbbar.com/lit/book_review...
February 18, 2014
Satire and parody are forms of humor that rely heavily on the audience’s knowledge of the original subject matter. Spaceballs isn’t as amusing if you haven’t seen Star Wars, you miss a lot from John Scalzi’s Redshirts if you’re not familiar with Star Trek, and many of Terry Pratchett’s Discworld books are laden with in-jokes that only those well-versed in fantasy will understand. For a more specific example, in Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s book, most US readers totally missed that the character Ford Prefect’s name was a joke because that particular car had not worked its way into popular culture the way it had in the UK.
Throughout this book, I felt as though I was missing critical knowledge in order to get the joke(s). There’s a section near the beginning that focuses on the life of a phone representative and does a good job satirizing the draconian rules that often govern representative’s time, but after that there is a lot of focus on Jewish mysticism and medieval history associated with it. I found myself lost most of the time, and most of the humor seemed wholly dependent on knowledge of the key subjects, while a lot of the rest of it was absurdist, which isn’t my cup of tea.
I think it’s always helpful for satire and parody to have humor that is more widely acceptable; either satirization of a universal subject or just straight wit and there didn’t seem to be a lot of that here. I freely admit I may not have been the right audience for this book, and others have called it riotously funny, but I feel like there’s a steep barrier to entry for this one.
Throughout this book, I felt as though I was missing critical knowledge in order to get the joke(s). There’s a section near the beginning that focuses on the life of a phone representative and does a good job satirizing the draconian rules that often govern representative’s time, but after that there is a lot of focus on Jewish mysticism and medieval history associated with it. I found myself lost most of the time, and most of the humor seemed wholly dependent on knowledge of the key subjects, while a lot of the rest of it was absurdist, which isn’t my cup of tea.
I think it’s always helpful for satire and parody to have humor that is more widely acceptable; either satirization of a universal subject or just straight wit and there didn’t seem to be a lot of that here. I freely admit I may not have been the right audience for this book, and others have called it riotously funny, but I feel like there’s a steep barrier to entry for this one.
February 9, 2014
There were parts of this book that were quite interesting, and moments of dialogue or scenes that were engaging. However, the issue that prevails in this book is that the author never creates a universe that is understandable and relateable. Individual concepts which would be inventive on their own, such as a world where fast-food restaurants dominate society, a child who can freeze time, or technological advances such as a house identity scrambler, are thrown together with such frequency that none are truly explored or explained to a large degree. It gives the book a strong feeling of disjointedness and a storyline which develops towards uncertain endpoints. It also makes it difficult for the reader to feel connected to the characters. The author's ideas and writing style have promise, but I hope that her future works have a bit more structure and focus.
*I received this book for free through a Goodreads FirstReads giveaway.
*I received this book for free through a Goodreads FirstReads giveaway.
February 25, 2014
When I distill down my responses to Rachel Cantor’s debut novel, A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or; a Neetsa Pizza Employee’s Guide to Saving the World, I find that what moved me the most profoundly was the main character, Leonard’s, relationship with his nephew, Felix. Leonard’s connection to his now-dead grandfather is important, and Sally the neo-Baconian librarian... Read More: http://www.fantasyliterature.com/revi...
December 13, 2013
“Leonard works for Neetsa Pizza, a Pythagorean pizza chain, in the near-ish future. His job is to take calls, listen to complaints and help his customers achieve maximum pizza happiness. His employee manual gives him an answer for every scenario–until he gets a call from Marco, who seems to be calling from another time or space. Think of Terry Pratchett crossed with Douglas Adams.”
Jane Jorgenson, Madison Public Library, Madison, WI
Jane Jorgenson, Madison Public Library, Madison, WI
February 9, 2014
From my blog: http://myoverstuffed-shelves.blogspot...
Imagine living in a world where the food you eat is intrinsically linked to your ideological and philosophical affiliation?
Oh, right, we already live in that world. We buy organic and local. We pursue kale recipes with ardor, avoid carbs, or meat, or fat, or gluten, or dairy depending on what we think we should or shouldn't be eating.* That is, if we are economically privileged enough to be in a position to choose.
I don't mean to get sidetracked into a debate on food politics in the 21st century, I'm only trying say that the future that Rachel Cantor paints in her debut novel, A Highly Unlikely Scenario or, A Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World, is not as outrageous as it may sound. She takes our obsessions with food politics to an unlikely, and very funny extreme, by dropping us into a future where fast food is explicitly political. In these pages a Pythagorean Pizza chain competes for minds, and stomachs, with a Heraclitan grill and eateries serving up Scottish Tapas under the name of Jac-O-Bites.
Leonard, our hapless and naive hero, is a reclusive complaint line listener for the titular pizza chain. Each night he retreats to his "White Room" where in his white clothing, he waits to ease the pain of dissatisfied customers. His only foray out of the house each day is to retrieve his nephew from the "caravan" stop after school while his Neo-Maoist sister is at her job at the Scottish tapas chain serving up such tasty morsels as haggis tarts.
As the story begins, Leonard is suddenly facing a suspicious dearth of calls, making him wonder if this is some form of test of his suitability by his employer. His anxiety grows as the only calls that are put through to him are from a man who is under the illusion he is existing in the 13th century and has just returned from a long expedition to Cathay, but is now languishing in a Genoese jail cell. What is Leonard to do?
Leonard listens, it's what he's good at. As he listens, it becomes clear that neither is his caller insane, nor is he undergoing some strange form of corporate assessment. Through some unspecified mystical magic, he is actually conversing with Marco Polo. What also becomes evident is that it is Leonard's coaching, with the help of his dead grandfather and a blind rabbi, that will prevent Marco from revealing secrets of mystical knowledge that, if published, will result in the end of the world.
I won't go any deeper into what happens from there, but trust me, things only get more interesting. And, while much of the marketing of the book has focused on the zany world Cantor has crafted and the use of science fiction devices such as time travel, these are surface attributes. Even the introduction of the basics of Jewish mysticism which are the secrets that must be hoarded lest the world end, are in some ways mere diversions. Entertaining diversions, but they are razzle-dazzle to pretty up the underlying and simple story of a young man who learns more about who he is and how to reach beyond himself to connect with and guide the people he loves.
Leonard, who starts out as someone who listens, but doesn't really hear, by the end of this diverting book, grows into someone who can listen deeply and through listening communicate with others so as to help them better understand themselves. What has stayed with me as I reflect on Cantor's charming and thoughtful book, is that there is objective knowledge that may be worth hiding for the good of the world, but that self-knowledge should always be explored. I'm not sure that I necessarily agree with the first part of that philosophy, but I certainly do find the second insight to be a piece of wisdom worth hearing.
I highly recommend this highly unlikely book to anyone looking for an intelligent and funny novel of ideas with an optimistic heart.
*I am one of these picky folk since I seem to be allergic to citrus and tomatoes, so I do understand that not all food preferences are determined by belief system, but by biological imperative.
I am also well enough off to live in a neighborhood with good access to a variety of fresh foods, organic foods etc. Not too far away are some massive food deserts that make it virtually impossible for people to source nutritious foods at reasonable prices. I am always staggered by the tenacious hold hunger and malnutrition have in this country and do not take for granted that everyone has all the food they need or the food choices that they would like.
Imagine living in a world where the food you eat is intrinsically linked to your ideological and philosophical affiliation?
Oh, right, we already live in that world. We buy organic and local. We pursue kale recipes with ardor, avoid carbs, or meat, or fat, or gluten, or dairy depending on what we think we should or shouldn't be eating.* That is, if we are economically privileged enough to be in a position to choose.
I don't mean to get sidetracked into a debate on food politics in the 21st century, I'm only trying say that the future that Rachel Cantor paints in her debut novel, A Highly Unlikely Scenario or, A Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World, is not as outrageous as it may sound. She takes our obsessions with food politics to an unlikely, and very funny extreme, by dropping us into a future where fast food is explicitly political. In these pages a Pythagorean Pizza chain competes for minds, and stomachs, with a Heraclitan grill and eateries serving up Scottish Tapas under the name of Jac-O-Bites.
Leonard, our hapless and naive hero, is a reclusive complaint line listener for the titular pizza chain. Each night he retreats to his "White Room" where in his white clothing, he waits to ease the pain of dissatisfied customers. His only foray out of the house each day is to retrieve his nephew from the "caravan" stop after school while his Neo-Maoist sister is at her job at the Scottish tapas chain serving up such tasty morsels as haggis tarts.
As the story begins, Leonard is suddenly facing a suspicious dearth of calls, making him wonder if this is some form of test of his suitability by his employer. His anxiety grows as the only calls that are put through to him are from a man who is under the illusion he is existing in the 13th century and has just returned from a long expedition to Cathay, but is now languishing in a Genoese jail cell. What is Leonard to do?
Leonard listens, it's what he's good at. As he listens, it becomes clear that neither is his caller insane, nor is he undergoing some strange form of corporate assessment. Through some unspecified mystical magic, he is actually conversing with Marco Polo. What also becomes evident is that it is Leonard's coaching, with the help of his dead grandfather and a blind rabbi, that will prevent Marco from revealing secrets of mystical knowledge that, if published, will result in the end of the world.
I won't go any deeper into what happens from there, but trust me, things only get more interesting. And, while much of the marketing of the book has focused on the zany world Cantor has crafted and the use of science fiction devices such as time travel, these are surface attributes. Even the introduction of the basics of Jewish mysticism which are the secrets that must be hoarded lest the world end, are in some ways mere diversions. Entertaining diversions, but they are razzle-dazzle to pretty up the underlying and simple story of a young man who learns more about who he is and how to reach beyond himself to connect with and guide the people he loves.
Leonard, who starts out as someone who listens, but doesn't really hear, by the end of this diverting book, grows into someone who can listen deeply and through listening communicate with others so as to help them better understand themselves. What has stayed with me as I reflect on Cantor's charming and thoughtful book, is that there is objective knowledge that may be worth hiding for the good of the world, but that self-knowledge should always be explored. I'm not sure that I necessarily agree with the first part of that philosophy, but I certainly do find the second insight to be a piece of wisdom worth hearing.
I highly recommend this highly unlikely book to anyone looking for an intelligent and funny novel of ideas with an optimistic heart.
*I am one of these picky folk since I seem to be allergic to citrus and tomatoes, so I do understand that not all food preferences are determined by belief system, but by biological imperative.
I am also well enough off to live in a neighborhood with good access to a variety of fresh foods, organic foods etc. Not too far away are some massive food deserts that make it virtually impossible for people to source nutritious foods at reasonable prices. I am always staggered by the tenacious hold hunger and malnutrition have in this country and do not take for granted that everyone has all the food they need or the food choices that they would like.
February 21, 2014
This is an incredibly quirky, complex, quick-read sci-fi satire. Don't let the overly simplistic description on the back fool you. This novel delves deep into ancient philosophers/ies, Jewish mysticism, medieval history and historical figures, all of which is set in a future where governments have been replaced by corporations and religions replaced by philosophies.
Leonard lives with his neo-Maoist sister Carol and his nephew Felix, and he hasn't really gone out into the world in over five years. He works for Neetsa Pizza, a Pythagorian company, as a Listener, someone who takes complaint phone calls, listens to their problems and attempts to soothe them in order to keep them as customers. Unfortunately, he hasn't received any calls for a few days, that is until he gets a call from a man named Marco, who prefers to be known as Milione. Mil, as Leonard calls him in accordance to NP's familiarity guidelines, claims to be in a prison somewhere called Genoa. He tells Leonard of his many travels, especially his meeting the Great Khan, of his desires to introduce Cathay noodles to his homeland and how he's dictating all of these adventures to a man in his cell named Rustichello. Leonard is visited in a dream by a man who calls himself Isaac the Blind, while speaking with the voice of his dead grandfather, a man who tried to teach Leonard many things about Jewish history. Isaac gives him instructions concerning what he needs to tell Marco Polo. This ends up being only the beginning of Leonard's adventures, sending him and Felix to a library to meet the caretaker of the Voynich manuscript, an ancient and unreadable book, and then back in time to meet Jewish philosopher Abulafia.
The best way to describe the writing style and plot is imagine if Douglas Adams collaborated with Terry Gilliam on the screenplay for "Brazil." The satire is not so much laugh-out-loud as it is intelligent. I really enjoyed sitting next to my computer while reading so I could Google all of the characters and things like the Voynich, then learning about all of these real people and things. I feel so much smarter having read this book.
I would have given this a full five stars. What held me back was the way the book is written. Firstly, it throws you right into the world, which I liked, but it takes a little bit to figure out the things with different names that correlate to things in the real world today. This is on top of the things exclusive to the book's world. This makes it hard to take long breaks from the book, since it ends up taking a little bit longer to get back into the swing of its vernacular. It did have a positive effect in that respect, too, by making me want to always get back to reading as soon as I could. The other thing that makes it a little hard to read is that there are no quotation marks around the dialogue. While an interesting artistic choice, I did have to re-read a lot of sentences.
Other than that, this is a great book if you're looking for a smart read that's a lot of fun.
Leonard lives with his neo-Maoist sister Carol and his nephew Felix, and he hasn't really gone out into the world in over five years. He works for Neetsa Pizza, a Pythagorian company, as a Listener, someone who takes complaint phone calls, listens to their problems and attempts to soothe them in order to keep them as customers. Unfortunately, he hasn't received any calls for a few days, that is until he gets a call from a man named Marco, who prefers to be known as Milione. Mil, as Leonard calls him in accordance to NP's familiarity guidelines, claims to be in a prison somewhere called Genoa. He tells Leonard of his many travels, especially his meeting the Great Khan, of his desires to introduce Cathay noodles to his homeland and how he's dictating all of these adventures to a man in his cell named Rustichello. Leonard is visited in a dream by a man who calls himself Isaac the Blind, while speaking with the voice of his dead grandfather, a man who tried to teach Leonard many things about Jewish history. Isaac gives him instructions concerning what he needs to tell Marco Polo. This ends up being only the beginning of Leonard's adventures, sending him and Felix to a library to meet the caretaker of the Voynich manuscript, an ancient and unreadable book, and then back in time to meet Jewish philosopher Abulafia.
The best way to describe the writing style and plot is imagine if Douglas Adams collaborated with Terry Gilliam on the screenplay for "Brazil." The satire is not so much laugh-out-loud as it is intelligent. I really enjoyed sitting next to my computer while reading so I could Google all of the characters and things like the Voynich, then learning about all of these real people and things. I feel so much smarter having read this book.
I would have given this a full five stars. What held me back was the way the book is written. Firstly, it throws you right into the world, which I liked, but it takes a little bit to figure out the things with different names that correlate to things in the real world today. This is on top of the things exclusive to the book's world. This makes it hard to take long breaks from the book, since it ends up taking a little bit longer to get back into the swing of its vernacular. It did have a positive effect in that respect, too, by making me want to always get back to reading as soon as I could. The other thing that makes it a little hard to read is that there are no quotation marks around the dialogue. While an interesting artistic choice, I did have to re-read a lot of sentences.
Other than that, this is a great book if you're looking for a smart read that's a lot of fun.
February 15, 2014
I wanted to read this book because of two phrases on the back cover: "woman librarian" and "anarchist book group". I'm not a fan of science fiction, but I thought I would take a chance based on those phrases. After twenty pages I was disgusted with the plot, and there were no librarians or book groups. After fifty pages I was completely fed up, and there were STILL no librarians or book groups. I skipped to the end, which made no sense to me, but neither did the beginning of this story. I have a feeling this will become a cult favorite, like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and lots of people will be willing to give their lives for it, and I will be standing alone, arguing with all of them like "This book is SO SO SO stupid, how can everyone like it so much?".
August 22, 2015
Absolutely not what I thought it would be, and yet completely what I thought it would be, I really enjoyed this book. I'm giving it four stars for now, but it's possible I could bump it up to five stars depending on how thoroughly it stays with me a few months down the line.
The comparisons to Douglas Adams are certainly apt, but I worry that they could set some false expectations. Really this is a chaotic, funny, sad, and sweet book that mixes Pythagoreanism, Jewish mysticism, medieval philosophy and heresies, with a satirical future world ruled by fast food chains.
When you finish, you will likely find yourself wanting to practice 5 minutes of awesome karate kicks.
The comparisons to Douglas Adams are certainly apt, but I worry that they could set some false expectations. Really this is a chaotic, funny, sad, and sweet book that mixes Pythagoreanism, Jewish mysticism, medieval philosophy and heresies, with a satirical future world ruled by fast food chains.
When you finish, you will likely find yourself wanting to practice 5 minutes of awesome karate kicks.
August 24, 2015
It's hard to find a book that's hilarious, hyper-smart, genre-bending, joyfully weird, etc. AS WELL AS beautifully written. Rachel Cantor turns a phrase like nobody's business. Looking forward to GOOD ON PAPER.
September 17, 2020
OK then! I guess I know now what THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY would look like through the Jewish lens! :P
Set (mostly) in the near future, this book follows Leonard, who lives in a time where fast food corporations rule the world. He serves as a Listener (enlightened customer service, if you will) for Neetsa Pizza, soothing people about orders gone wrong but also employing the pizza joint’s “Pythagorean” theory to all aspects of life. (Like, everything should be a balanced triangle; something mathy. :P)
For many authors, this might be the set up to discuss corporate overreach, and the general consensus is that this system must be destroyed. But that’s not how Leonard saves the world. Leonard saves the world by taking phone calls from none other than Marco Polo from the 13th century. Apparently we have Leonard to thank for him not putting too many China details into his writings, which is a good thing, I guess, for what the public could handle at the time.
But Leonard’s finite discussions with Marco Polo also serve as a gateway as he continues on his wacky time travel journey, as guided by the 12th century rabbi, Isaac the Blind, who happens to speak with Leonard’s dead grandfather’s voice. Sticking with medieval times, Leonard and his new girlfriend, Sally, must travel to Spain to stop Jewish mystic Abraham Abulafia from an ill-fated meeting with the pope. Oh, and also save Leonard’s time traveling nephew, Felix, who is a bit of a prophet himself (he tells fairy stories that are really about the Shekhinah, or the divine presence of Gd, and has visons, as you do.)
Maybe all of these time periods feel similar to me because they are all so outlandish. Cantor tempers the ridiculousness with the earnestness from characters who are technically too flat to be called characters. Granted, I was in a weird headspace (my own sort of weird headspace, not Cantor’s) and read this book too slow. Probably messed with my investment a bit.
And a side note—the fact that every part of this novel felt more alien in familiar kind of negates the dystopian rulebook, methinks. Whatever is going on in our fast food future has less to do with today’s societal ills than it does, I dunno, some people who decided to get high and conflate fast food joints with schools of philosophy? :P Like Leonard’s sister, a secret Neo-Maoist revolutionary working at Jacobian Scottish tapas joint, Jack-o-Bites, and Sally, the librarian and Neo-Baconist, who sadly does not get to visit Roger Bacon during her time traveling. Alas.
I suppose I’m impressed by all the philosophical know how. It’s a little above my understanding, including stuff about the Kabbalah, but I understood enough of the general Jewish references to be pleased. In the vein of the Enlightenment in the Terra Ignota books by Ada Palmer, I’m not a big fan of philosophical worldbuilding in my science fiction. But I am a fan of random historical Jews popping up willy nilly. :P
Cantor’s second book, GOOD ON PAPER, also seems to dive into religious philosophy, but the premise is much more grounded by a mainstream plot. (Featuring an untranslatable book, kinda/sorta like the real Voynich manuscript, which makes an appearance here.) Maybe I’ll give it a try. I feel like I should at least give her debut novel props for originality and research. It was quite a ride!
Set (mostly) in the near future, this book follows Leonard, who lives in a time where fast food corporations rule the world. He serves as a Listener (enlightened customer service, if you will) for Neetsa Pizza, soothing people about orders gone wrong but also employing the pizza joint’s “Pythagorean” theory to all aspects of life. (Like, everything should be a balanced triangle; something mathy. :P)
For many authors, this might be the set up to discuss corporate overreach, and the general consensus is that this system must be destroyed. But that’s not how Leonard saves the world. Leonard saves the world by taking phone calls from none other than Marco Polo from the 13th century. Apparently we have Leonard to thank for him not putting too many China details into his writings, which is a good thing, I guess, for what the public could handle at the time.
But Leonard’s finite discussions with Marco Polo also serve as a gateway as he continues on his wacky time travel journey, as guided by the 12th century rabbi, Isaac the Blind, who happens to speak with Leonard’s dead grandfather’s voice. Sticking with medieval times, Leonard and his new girlfriend, Sally, must travel to Spain to stop Jewish mystic Abraham Abulafia from an ill-fated meeting with the pope. Oh, and also save Leonard’s time traveling nephew, Felix, who is a bit of a prophet himself (he tells fairy stories that are really about the Shekhinah, or the divine presence of Gd, and has visons, as you do.)
Maybe all of these time periods feel similar to me because they are all so outlandish. Cantor tempers the ridiculousness with the earnestness from characters who are technically too flat to be called characters. Granted, I was in a weird headspace (my own sort of weird headspace, not Cantor’s) and read this book too slow. Probably messed with my investment a bit.
And a side note—the fact that every part of this novel felt more alien in familiar kind of negates the dystopian rulebook, methinks. Whatever is going on in our fast food future has less to do with today’s societal ills than it does, I dunno, some people who decided to get high and conflate fast food joints with schools of philosophy? :P Like Leonard’s sister, a secret Neo-Maoist revolutionary working at Jacobian Scottish tapas joint, Jack-o-Bites, and Sally, the librarian and Neo-Baconist, who sadly does not get to visit Roger Bacon during her time traveling. Alas.
I suppose I’m impressed by all the philosophical know how. It’s a little above my understanding, including stuff about the Kabbalah, but I understood enough of the general Jewish references to be pleased. In the vein of the Enlightenment in the Terra Ignota books by Ada Palmer, I’m not a big fan of philosophical worldbuilding in my science fiction. But I am a fan of random historical Jews popping up willy nilly. :P
Cantor’s second book, GOOD ON PAPER, also seems to dive into religious philosophy, but the premise is much more grounded by a mainstream plot. (Featuring an untranslatable book, kinda/sorta like the real Voynich manuscript, which makes an appearance here.) Maybe I’ll give it a try. I feel like I should at least give her debut novel props for originality and research. It was quite a ride!
May 30, 2024
A really charming book that just loses track of its characters about 2/3 of the way through and hopes you don't notice. There were some great heartfelt moments and some real funny bits though, would recommend for a light read.
November 13, 2014
Nothing is more fun than starting a sentence not knowing how it will end.
—An Interview with the Author, p.244
As you might expect from the above, A Highly Unlikely Scenario by Rachel Cantor (or, to use its full name, A Highly Unlikely Scenario: Or, a Neetsa Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World) is something of a hot mess. Most of its sentences seem to have been started without knowing where they would end. Absurd rather than comedic, this short novel brings us relatively few laughs but an extraordinarily high ratio of weirdness per page—it comes across as something like the haphazard love child of Snow Crash (yay) and My Cousin, My Gastroenterologist (boo), with some special kabbalistic seasoning from Joshua Cohen's Witz thrown in for good measure.
Cantor portrays a future that is impossible, not just unlikely, a surreal world ruled by fast-food corporations that draw their themes from ancient philosophers—with results that vary from unpredictable to all too predictably oppressive. You can't walk into the same Heraclitan restaurant twice, though you can buy haggis tapas from Jack-o-Bites at any hour of the day or night. The subtitular Neetsa Pizza chain itself is run on strict Pythagorean principles, its menu offerings exemplars of pure geometric forms. (However, while Neetsa Pizza is often abbreviated NP, I'm not sure that any connection to nondeterministic polynomial time is intentional.)
I was led to this book by its cover—its title, and cover blurbs from Charles Yu and Jim Crace, two authors I've already read and admire. And by this synopsis, despite its multiple inaccuracies and solecisms:
In the not-too-distant future, the world is ruled not by governments but by fast-food delivery companies. Only one disgruntled employee stands between them and the end of civilization. Okay, one disgruntled employee and a woman who's a librarian. Okay, one disgruntled employee, a woman who's a librarian, and an anarchist book group. Alright (sic), plus a little kid who can travel through time. And maybe one or two other people. But still. That's not much against all that pizza and fried chicken.
Leonard, our protagonist, does not realize that he is living in a dystopia. He is a great ungainly man-child, living with his neo-Maoist sister Carol and adorable, precocious nephew Felix in an unnamed, heavily commercialized European city. Every night, he goes into his White Room (without black curtains) to field complaint calls for Neetsa Pizza. He's a good Listener. And he's happy enough with his Life Plan—he doesn't seem at all disgruntled, though he would very much like someday to have a girlfriend.
But then Leonard gets a call from his dead grandfather, who introduces him to... Marco Polo? Sure, why not?
Leonard does eventually make it out of that White Room and to the University Library, where he meets Sally, the girl of his dreams (and, presumably, the "librarian" mentioned on the back cover). Sally's actually more like a docent, though, a tour guide whose job is to prepare visitors to see the library's copy of the Voynich Manuscript. (This is a common error... not everyone who works in a library is a librarian, any more than everyone who works on an airplane is a pilot!) And Sally doesn't seem all that interested in Leonard—at least not until he breaks out some moves he learned from his grandfather...
Unlikely as it may sound, A Highly Unlikely Scenario turned out to be a reasonably pleasant diversion—a little too scattershot for my taste, perhaps, but a good way to while away the time while awaiting the delivery of my Golden Mean ("pepperoni and cheese in perfect proportion" {p.40}).
February 7, 2014
Rachel Cantor's A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World: A Novel is a strange, quirky and fun science fiction novel. With an odd combination of dystopia, time travel and Jewish mysticism, Cantor follows in the footsteps of Douglas Adams with her debut novel. While perhaps not for everyone, I thoroughly enjoyed the story.
The title alone - A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World: A Novel - sets the tone for the off-beat humor in the novel. Most reminiscent of Douglas Adams' Dirk Gently series, the story is preposterous, humorous and strangely touching. Set in a dystopian future in which humans are segregated by which fast food chain and corresponding belief they support, the story is ultimately one of faith and love, with a bit of time travel thrown in for good measure. My only complaint about the story is that it was a bit of a slow burn - I was nearly halfway through the novel before I was hooked. While A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World: A Novel may not be every reader's cup of tea, I found it quite enjoyable.
A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World: A Novel by Rachel Cantor is a strange, funny and charming romp through the future, the past and Jewish mysticism. I would recommend this to fans of Douglas Adams, Robin Sloan's Mr. Penumbras 24-Hour Bookstore and Peter Clines' Ready Player One . This is a great addition to the realm of humorous science fiction.
Read this review and more on The Library Lass Book Talk Blog.
The title alone - A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World: A Novel - sets the tone for the off-beat humor in the novel. Most reminiscent of Douglas Adams' Dirk Gently series, the story is preposterous, humorous and strangely touching. Set in a dystopian future in which humans are segregated by which fast food chain and corresponding belief they support, the story is ultimately one of faith and love, with a bit of time travel thrown in for good measure. My only complaint about the story is that it was a bit of a slow burn - I was nearly halfway through the novel before I was hooked. While A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World: A Novel may not be every reader's cup of tea, I found it quite enjoyable.
A Highly Unlikely Scenario, or a Neesta Pizza Employee's Guide to Saving the World: A Novel by Rachel Cantor is a strange, funny and charming romp through the future, the past and Jewish mysticism. I would recommend this to fans of Douglas Adams, Robin Sloan's Mr. Penumbras 24-Hour Bookstore and Peter Clines' Ready Player One . This is a great addition to the realm of humorous science fiction.
Read this review and more on The Library Lass Book Talk Blog.
March 10, 2014
I loved the premise of this book - and really, a title like that is far too brilliant to pass up - but the book didn't really work for me. It was clear that the author was writing on more than one level, but I never did quite figure out what the second layer was, and a lot of the humour seemed to rely on knowledge or cultural understanding that I lacked.
I did enjoy the characters, and the various philosophically-affiliated fast food chains (the Cathars' rather unsuccessful, and ultimately self-defeating, strawberry sundae chain made me giggle - difficult to successfully sell fast food if you want to cast off all material matters, including your own flesh), and I liked the idea of the secret language, the notion that the hapless Neetsa Pizza complaints line guy could end up counselling Marco Polo - and indeed, all the ideas represented here.
But somehow, all these excellent notions never quite gelled into a whole for me. The whole experience of reading the book was rather like a dream - one is left with bright shards of complicated and brilliant notions dancing just outside one's grasp, but when one tries to put them together they fall apart into nothingness. Simultaneously fascinating and frustrating.
I have a feeling that there is an audience out there just waiting for this book, and that it's going to have a cult following somewhere. But I am, sadly, not that audience.
I did enjoy the characters, and the various philosophically-affiliated fast food chains (the Cathars' rather unsuccessful, and ultimately self-defeating, strawberry sundae chain made me giggle - difficult to successfully sell fast food if you want to cast off all material matters, including your own flesh), and I liked the idea of the secret language, the notion that the hapless Neetsa Pizza complaints line guy could end up counselling Marco Polo - and indeed, all the ideas represented here.
But somehow, all these excellent notions never quite gelled into a whole for me. The whole experience of reading the book was rather like a dream - one is left with bright shards of complicated and brilliant notions dancing just outside one's grasp, but when one tries to put them together they fall apart into nothingness. Simultaneously fascinating and frustrating.
I have a feeling that there is an audience out there just waiting for this book, and that it's going to have a cult following somewhere. But I am, sadly, not that audience.
January 29, 2014
Set in the "near-future" (not a quote from the book, just quoted because I really hope it stays fictional....), Leonard works for Neetsa Pizza as a Listener (read: complaints dept.) and never leaves home except to meet his nephew at the bus stop in the afternoons. He's content with his boring life but then he starts getting phone calls from Marco Polo...
I got an arc copy of this book at ALA last summer, started reading, then got distracted, as is my wont. But I came back eventually to a book I knew I'd want to read since the publisher's presentation. I was not disappointed. It is a well-written, off the wall, not-quite sci-fi adventure with enough zany sharan terms to keep you laughing and engaged throughout.
The relationship between Leonard and his nephew, Felix, was easily my favorite thing about the book. It is so sweet and feels like a very real bond. Leonard's growth throughout is also just lovely to watch. He starts very milquetoast and becomes a hero. I was not such a fan of Sally, the librarian/separatist leader/love interest. She felt like very much the same person before and after time travel and mysticism and didn't have the strong arc Leonard and Felix did.
Other than that small gripe, it's a really enjoyable book and a quick read (once you actually read it...if you're me...).
I got an arc copy of this book at ALA last summer, started reading, then got distracted, as is my wont. But I came back eventually to a book I knew I'd want to read since the publisher's presentation. I was not disappointed. It is a well-written, off the wall, not-quite sci-fi adventure with enough zany sharan terms to keep you laughing and engaged throughout.
The relationship between Leonard and his nephew, Felix, was easily my favorite thing about the book. It is so sweet and feels like a very real bond. Leonard's growth throughout is also just lovely to watch. He starts very milquetoast and becomes a hero. I was not such a fan of Sally, the librarian/separatist leader/love interest. She felt like very much the same person before and after time travel and mysticism and didn't have the strong arc Leonard and Felix did.
Other than that small gripe, it's a really enjoyable book and a quick read (once you actually read it...if you're me...).
February 5, 2014
The tone and narrative this book was excellent. I find myself endeared with the characters and reading usually defined what happens next. However for speculative fiction book I found world building to be less than adequate.
Like so many great speculative fiction writers, the author does not give a background to the alternative world, but there tells it and drips and drabs through allusions made to it throughout the book. Unlike Atwood and Adams, however, this world is not fully fleshed out using this method. Rather the reader left confused as to what this world fully looks like, whether it is an alternative reality over future, and the background to the setting.
The elements seem randomized - unexplained sci-fi technology, single Leader but many different political factions, an Indian word for a thousand, and ancient term for distance. Once we travel back in time, I was fairly certain we were in our own past, but that was never clearly established.
This was really disappointing, since the alternative reality is so very promising at first. The idea of distinct movements based on different historical figures (Roger Bacon, Pythagoras, Mao) and the notion of each operating their own fast food franchise is clever and interesting. If only the author had stuck to this theme and fleshed it out more it would have been an excellent read.
Like so many great speculative fiction writers, the author does not give a background to the alternative world, but there tells it and drips and drabs through allusions made to it throughout the book. Unlike Atwood and Adams, however, this world is not fully fleshed out using this method. Rather the reader left confused as to what this world fully looks like, whether it is an alternative reality over future, and the background to the setting.
The elements seem randomized - unexplained sci-fi technology, single Leader but many different political factions, an Indian word for a thousand, and ancient term for distance. Once we travel back in time, I was fairly certain we were in our own past, but that was never clearly established.
This was really disappointing, since the alternative reality is so very promising at first. The idea of distinct movements based on different historical figures (Roger Bacon, Pythagoras, Mao) and the notion of each operating their own fast food franchise is clever and interesting. If only the author had stuck to this theme and fleshed it out more it would have been an excellent read.
April 4, 2014
Leonard is a complaints handler for Neetsa Pizza, a Pythagorean pizza company. In a world where everything is recognisable, but a bit different (money is always "lucre"; clothes are "togs"; everyone has an Afro and rival philosophies - latter day Baconians, Heraclitans, Whiggs - jostle for power through their fast food chains) we are still, it seems, cursed with a Leader... ( whose Chipmunk Patrol carry Justice Sticks).
So Leonard sits all night in his White Room, listening to irate customers and seeling to Convery them. he's a good listener, which comes in useful when he begins to get very weird calls. Calls that tell him he must save the world. This wasn't one of the scenarios his training prepared him for.
This all turns into a madcap adventure involving time travel, Roger Bacon (the famous 13th century Oxford scientist and philosopher responsible who put the "folly" into Folly Bridge) Jewish mystics, the Inquisition ("CATHARS BE THE VERY WORST FORM OF HERETIC!) a Brazan Head and a neo-Maoist book club. And Revolutionary Stew. Lots of Revolutionary Stew.
The result is a bit like a cross between Jasper Fforde's comic dystopian Shades of Grey and Life Of Brian. It's great fun, entertaining and a bit frothy.
Comment
So Leonard sits all night in his White Room, listening to irate customers and seeling to Convery them. he's a good listener, which comes in useful when he begins to get very weird calls. Calls that tell him he must save the world. This wasn't one of the scenarios his training prepared him for.
This all turns into a madcap adventure involving time travel, Roger Bacon (the famous 13th century Oxford scientist and philosopher responsible who put the "folly" into Folly Bridge) Jewish mystics, the Inquisition ("CATHARS BE THE VERY WORST FORM OF HERETIC!) a Brazan Head and a neo-Maoist book club. And Revolutionary Stew. Lots of Revolutionary Stew.
The result is a bit like a cross between Jasper Fforde's comic dystopian Shades of Grey and Life Of Brian. It's great fun, entertaining and a bit frothy.
Comment
January 25, 2014
The subtitle of this novel is great fun: Or, A Neetsa Pizza Employee’s Guide to Saving the World. The story itself? I found it rather weird, but in an attractive way.
The idea is fun: a pizza company complaints officer accidentally gets a call from a 13th Century explorer. After the first struggles about going off-script, they start having interesting conversations (well, interesting for them, I was rather confused) and eventually, Leonard is persuaded to leave his safe place and go out in the world… to the library, of all things!
There is time travel involved (yay!) and I loved that part of the book. I wasn’t too sure about all the different groups of people, with their philosophies. Was I supposed to look up what these people really stood for, or was it just a bit of name-dropping, a bit of fun? Maybe a bit of both.
It was a highly amusing story although I’m still not quite sure what it was about. It’s one of those books you are not likely to forget soon, because it’s so different.
The idea is fun: a pizza company complaints officer accidentally gets a call from a 13th Century explorer. After the first struggles about going off-script, they start having interesting conversations (well, interesting for them, I was rather confused) and eventually, Leonard is persuaded to leave his safe place and go out in the world… to the library, of all things!
There is time travel involved (yay!) and I loved that part of the book. I wasn’t too sure about all the different groups of people, with their philosophies. Was I supposed to look up what these people really stood for, or was it just a bit of name-dropping, a bit of fun? Maybe a bit of both.
It was a highly amusing story although I’m still not quite sure what it was about. It’s one of those books you are not likely to forget soon, because it’s so different.
February 7, 2014
This quirky, whimsical sci-fi novel is not for everyone.
Are you a fan of Dr. Who, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Terry Pratchett and Kurt Vonnegut? If so, you'll have a great time reading A Highly Unlikely Scenario. Do you enjoy conventional novels set firmly on terra firma? Then this book is not likely to float your boat.
This debut novel by Rachel Cantor involves an unlikely quest by Leonard, a Neetsa Pizza employee who is reluctantly battling the forces of evil, accompanied by his 7-year-old nephew and a librarian with mystical powers. Add an anarchist book club, The Brazen Head, several Jewish mystics (one is Leonard's beloved deceased grandfather) and time travel to the mix, and you're in for a wild ride.
Are you a fan of Dr. Who, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Terry Pratchett and Kurt Vonnegut? If so, you'll have a great time reading A Highly Unlikely Scenario. Do you enjoy conventional novels set firmly on terra firma? Then this book is not likely to float your boat.
This debut novel by Rachel Cantor involves an unlikely quest by Leonard, a Neetsa Pizza employee who is reluctantly battling the forces of evil, accompanied by his 7-year-old nephew and a librarian with mystical powers. Add an anarchist book club, The Brazen Head, several Jewish mystics (one is Leonard's beloved deceased grandfather) and time travel to the mix, and you're in for a wild ride.
June 27, 2014
An absurdist take on fast food as philosophy, Jewish mysticism, history, and time travel, with a Hitchhiker's Guide tone and a dystopian setting. It could be the biggest collection of cynical attempts at hitting every market if it weren't for its rather large heart. There's a nice sense of the things Leonard has lost, even if he doesn't know he's lost them, and a really great relationship with his nephew and his potential girlfriend, both of whom might also be the keys to stopping or starting the apocalypse. Throw in a superb sense of humor and you've got a fun, quick read.
December 30, 2014
ummm... that was strange. it was weird and quirky, which isn't generally a problem with me. but i found it really clunky - the read did not flow well for me. and i felt a bit poorly-informed at some moments -- like some sort of insider or background knowledge was needed (jewish mysticism, for example), and i just wasn't in on the jokes/satire. having worked in a customer service call centre, many years ago, so that idea was very familiar to me. heh! sigh. but overall, the book is a bit of a hot mess - with an odd entertaining moment or two, hence the 2-stars.
June 16, 2014
In a world where the major philosophers are brand gurus from competing fast food chains, the slogans and speeches are as unhealthy for you as the meals. One family, along with a kick-ass librarian, can change the fate of the world if they complete three mysterious quests. This novel is as serious as Orwell's 1984 and as funny as Adams' first Hitchhikers' Guide. Order in a triangular pizza and don't mention the Tibetans
June 30, 2014
Cantor's brainy, knockabout style is perfect for this roller coaster ride through a mildly dystopian near future where an oppressive government oversees a society divided into groups with competing philosophical allegiances and the fast food franchises they operate. There is some time traveling involved and you might want to brush up on Jewish mysticism before diving in. Or just dive right in. The novel is a quick dip. It can be laugh-out-loud funny and the characters make for good company.
July 16, 2014
I spent much of the first half of this book waiting for the creepy/scary Big Brother shoe to drop, and/or for the conspiracy behind this fast food company-dominated world to be exposed, but it never happens: this book is not that book. Instead, it's a weird, amusing little jaunt into Jewish mysticism, Marco Polo, and time travel that I think I probably need to read two or three more times to fully grasp.
January 2, 2015
I've read a couple of novels involving Jewish mysticism, and they're all weird. The science-fiction setting of this one sets it apart, though. It's really weird. There are lots of great details painting Leonard's little corner of his world. The battling philosophies of the fast-food empires inspire me to look into history a bit, so I guess I'll be doing my own time travel, too. I got a different feeling from the story than from the cover blurb, but overall, this was pretty fun.
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