How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less

by Nicholas Boothman

Whether selling, managing, negotiating, planning, collaborating, pitching, instructing-or on your knees with a marriage proposal-the secret of success is based on connecting with other people. Now that connection is infinitely easier to make through Nicholas Boothman's program of rapport by design. How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less is the work of a master of Neuro-Linguistic Programming whose career is teaching corporations and groups the secrets of successful face-to-face communication. Aimed at establishing rapport-that stage between meeting and communicating- How to Make People Like You focuses on the concept of synchrony. It shows how to synchronize attitude, synchronize body language, and synchronize voice tone so that you instantly and imperceptibly become someone the other person likes. Reinforcing these easy-to-learn skills is knowing how to read the other person's sensory preferences-most of us are visual, some are kinesthetic, and a minority are auditory. So when you say "I see what you mean" to a visual person, you're really speaking his language. Along the way the book covers attitude, nervousness, words that open a conversation and words that shut it down, compliments, eye cues, the magic of opposites attracting, and more. It's how to make the best of the most important 90 seconds in any relationship, business or personal.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Communication, Business, Audiobook, Personal Development

160 pages, Hardcover

First published June 1, 1999

About the author

I am passionate about human potential.

I spent the first 25 years of my working life as a fashion photographer and as a father of five children. I met so many people with tremendous potential but without any people skills - they were like roses with rubber bands wrapped around them - and they'd never blossom until someone took off that rubber band. I made up my mind to be that person.

I took a risk and traded in my cameras for a laptop and started out going into schools teaching kids how to ace interviews and get jobs. From there it grew fast and within 6 months I was invited to be the kick-off speaker at the AT&T Canada annual convention at the Metro Convention centre in Toronto.

Today I speak all over the world and my books have been translated into more than 30 language. My hottest business speech is "Be Brave - Take Risks." And why not? Taking risks is the only way businesses can grow and innovate.

More than 500 corporations, thousands of small businesses, and six of the world's leading business schools have contacted me to rally and inspire their staff to take risks and connect.

Reviews

[JJ Khodadadi · Rating 3 out of 5]

این کتاب راهنمایی برای ارتباط برقرار کردن بهتر با جامعه است و می خواهد به خواننده یاد دهد چطور یک گفتگو را با فردی غریبه شروع کنند طوری که فرد مقابل علاقمند به ادامه دادن گفتگو با شما گردد.
از نظر یک شخص درونگرا :)) کتاب خوب و مناسبی است و نکات کلی اما سودمندی آموزش داده شده است اما برای افرادی که تا حدودی ارتباطات اجتماعی خوبی دارند کتاب خیلی خوبی به نظر نمی آید!

[Kristi · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars. This book is less annoying than the title might make you think. Starting from the basic premise that you have 90 seconds or less to make an impression, the author covers four different areas that can help to build rapport with someone: attitude, synchronization, conversation, and sensory preferences. Many of his suggestions are pretty commonsensical, but the sections on synchronization and sensory preferences were fairly new to me. He follows the general format of outlining an aspect of human behavior with light reference to scientific studies, sharing sample stories, and offering exercises for the reader to try. The text is very accessible and the exercises make it very concrete.

I would recommend this book to people who are in the business of dealing with other people. Or possibly to people who find social interaction incredibly awkward. This book probably won't revolutionize your life, but it may lead you to be more thoughtful about the ways that you listen and interact with others, and it offers concrete suggestions that may seem hokey but probably help those really struggling with communication skills. I picked up a copy because I frequently have to conduct interviews for my research--it's a really quick read with a few interesting nuggets of information.

[The Knowledge Guy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I should have been more skeptical of a book titled How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less , but unfortunately for me I wasn’t. I found the book about 170 pages too long. The helpful material was the making of a pamphlet, not a book. There is very little in this work that is truly unique. Most material on this subject matter is usually a repackaging of Dale Carnegie’s 1930’s teachings and writings with some statistical information de jour tacked on to it. So, I’m going against the grain of the national reviewers and not recommend this book unless you have no social skills or common sense.

I hate to be so hard on this title because I admire its author, Nicholas Boothman. He is very likable. Boothman, an ex-photographer, has made a career stemming from this book which is an amazing feat in itself. Additionally, he is an active speaker and quite good at it.

Company’s love this sort of stuff... complicated topics with simple answers. Do you remember Fish! or Who Moved My Cheese? These titles though were playful and short. How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less could have taken a lesson from them.

One last word, do you really want to make people like you? Then buy them a cup of hot coffee. (Read: Study Links Warm Hands, Warm Heart - NPR)

[Debbie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this was a really interesting read on NLP, with much of it about body language too. Being such a curious person, learning anything new makes me happy, but I really did learn a lot of stuff in here that I didn't already know. The stuff about visual, auditory and kinesthetic was brilliant, I had no idea that such a thing existed. So have I gained enough to put this into practice in my daily life? Yes, I think I probably have. It is all explained really simply and is very user friendly. Easy on the eye and quick to the point. Would recommend it to anyone who has a vague interest in NLP.

[Derrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think it was worth it just to hear Nicholas say, "It's late" with different intonations. I don't think anything was groundbreaking, but the author did a good job of putting a lot of concepts together in a fairly digestible manor. I did listen to this book twice to pick up on somethings I missed the first time, and to reinforce other things.

I'm practicing asking open ended questions and mirroring right now. Well, at least I'm acutely aware when I'm doing a bad job of it.

[Glenda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Even though the title of this audiobook is pretty cheesy, it provided a good listening experience for a few days of my short work commute. The author reminds us to adopt A Really Useful Attitude and the world would be a pleasanter place if we all did that.

[Leftbanker · Rating 1 out of 5]

Getting people to like you isn’t always easy, at least when you aren’t paying them—you’ve tried paying people, right?. First impressions are important, especially when the encounter doesn’t include you pulling some big bills out of your wallet while you idle at a corner in a sleazy part of town. Think of this guide as a way to make your other inter-personal relationships as easy as picking up a transvestite street walker. If even that simple task poses a challenge for you, then perhaps you should start with our primer book, How to Make People Not Despise You in 60 Seconds.

Look, if you want people to like you in less than a minute you could read a book with a bunch of completely hokey and unbelievably commonsensical parables from “real life” or you could take the easy way out and show people your boobs. This only works for women, so men need another strategy, and I don’t mean showing another body part. Men need to dig a little deeper if they are looking to be accepted immediately.

As incredibly silly as it may seem, most books on this subject actually give you stock phrases to say to strangers, like some kind of foreign language phrase book for the conversationally-challenged. All of the examples have the same feel as suggestions on the package of where to place the fake puke you bought at the gag store. But who the hell am I to go against the advice handed out in the best-sellers?

Health issues are an excellent topic to break the ice with a total stranger. Try these the next time you meet someone at the grocery store:

Do you think I should see a doctor about this rash on the inside of my leg?

If I have at least three cholera symptoms, does that mean I have it?

Don’t get me started, I could write a book on things that penicillin can’t cure.

At the laundromat:

Call it me an optimist but I think I can get this stain out. What do you think?

Is it OK to mix blood-stained clothes with this other stuff covered in...well, just believe me when I tell you that you don't want to know what this is?

Would you like to get a cup of coffee…in my creepy-looking van out back?

People like people who have a sense of humor, or at least that’s what everyone says. My experience tells me that what people like even more are the above-mentioned body parts along with cash and shiny, precious metals. This is why men wear gold and silver chains. An easy way to ensure that you are wearing enough jewelry is to jump into a swimming pool. If you’re unable to swim to the surface, this means that you have accessorized correctly. Just a little longer and you’ll break the record for holding your breath! Don’t give up! If you don’t have breasts but you do have a healthy fear of drowning, then you may need a sense of humor.

Perhaps instead of trying to get total strangers to like you in the first minute you should work on making people appreciate you who really matter? Who cares if the clerk in the hardware store thinks you’re a swell guy if your own mother won’t answer your calls? How about this for a book title, Make at Least a Few People Like You Over the Course of One Lifetime. Perhaps you should try paying them.

[Steven Fouse · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good introduction to basic people skills, including being open and positive, using positive body language, listening when people are talking to you, and asking open-ended questions. Stuff you may not have heard of includes listening for and recognizing sensory preferences, and learning to speak in the sensory preference of the person you are with.

Overall great, easy read, especially if you are looking to connect more quickly and easily with those you encounter.

[Max Nussenbaum · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this entire book, but people don’t seem to like me any more than they used to.

[Lily Haven · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite the title, which can be off putting to plenty of people, much in the same way "How to Win Friends and Influence People" throws some people off as they mentally run down the path "It's just manipulating people!" before even really looking into the content, this book is a good bare bones introduction to NLP.

Tony Robbins talks about connecting with others with NLP as well and I found it interesting reading about it, but I found this book to be more digestible when presenting it. So really I would recommend reading this book first if you are just getting into the subject of NLP then branching out into Tony Robbins coverage of the topic and then, if you wish to continue, something more technical and in depth.

And yes there are a lot of reviewers out there going: it's just a book on how to manipulate people!
Actually is it a book about connecting to people. Would you show a painting to a blind person and expect them to understand the way a sighted person does? It doesn't make any logical sense, but there are so many people out there doing that sort of thing every single day and getting upset because communication breaks down. While someone who is blind is a clear example, the same idea goes for people in general on a more subtle level. If you take the time to really learn how to understand people then you can connect better and it just takes some adjustment on your own part.

I recommend reading this if you would like to be introduced to NLP.

[William Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book for people with Asperger's Syndrome. I slowly went through the book practicing a chapter or 2 at a time and the general response from others is changing. Certainly noticing changes in my relationships at work and outside.

[María · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is more complicated than what I expected but I can see how the advice can be valuable.

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the first part of this book while I was grooming my dog....attitude and synchronization were discussed. I learned about the concept of being in sync with my clients while at school for Counseling. However, the second half, conversation and sensory preferences were more interesting for me because even though I am a therapist, I am extremely uncomfortable having a conversation with strangers. Yes, I know, it makes no sense....but there it is. lol
Though many of his suggestions seemed to be common sense, for me it was almost groundbreaking. I am constantly trying to monitor myself because I am aware that I "come off" as overbearing and it isn't how I want to come across....his suggestion to pay attention to the other persons sensory preference and then "speak their language" seems foreign and yet absolutely doable; I look forward to giving this a shot.

[R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read. It took a while to actually get into the useful stuff because there was a lot of repetition throughout the book. This could’ve literally been chopped to 12 pages. Also couldn’t tell anyone the name of the book i was reading cos it just seemed too pathetic 😶‍🌫️

[Rob Thompson · Rating 3 out of 5]

About the book: How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less (2000) is a guide to connecting, communicating and expanding your social world. These blinks will teach you how to strike up a conversation with strangers, make them like you and understand even their most subtle gestures.
About the author: Nicholas Boothman is a former fashion and advertising photographer who has spent the last two decades studying how people connect and communicate.

My highlights:
Connecting with others will make you a healthier, more likable person.
Likable people are open, welcoming and friendly, signaling self-confidence, sincerity and trust
if someone doesn’t find us interesting within the first 90 seconds, we tend to disengage completely.
likability has a lot to do with the way you look, what’s really important is how people feel when they’re around you.
Your initial contact with another person is called the greeting and it comprises a few key elements.
offer a standard greeting like “hi” or “hello” in a pleasant tone. Or, try telling the person your first name to encourage them to introduce themselves as well. Once they do so, immediately repeat their name to ensure it sticks in your memory by saying something like, “Brenda, nice to meet you, Brenda!
The first things a new person will notice about you are your body, your eyes and the expression on your face, and it’s essential for all three of these elements to emit a feeling of openness.To do so, while showing your interest and making the other person feel important, position your body with your heart aimed directly toward them; this will communicate sincerity, full commitment to the conversation and an openness to connect.Then, look directly into their eyes to establish trust and, once you’ve made eye contact, be sure you’re the first one to smile.
lean slightly toward the other person to indicate interest and openness.
The quality of communication between people depends on their rapport and attitudes.
nothing beats a few shared interests that establish a natural rapport.
a useless attitude is defined by concentrating on what you don’t want from a conversation or situation. For example, in a discussion with your boss, you might focus on a desire not to be yelled at. In turn, you’ll adopt passive body language, making you seem negative and unlikable.
alter your behavior, your facial expressions and the tone as well as the rhythm of your voice to make yourself more similar to the other person.
when beginning a conversation, consider your end goal and the approach that will help you reach it.
you can either have a useful attitude or a useless attitude. The former, which utilizes the correct body language and expression, begins with deciding what you want from the conversation.
When there’s no common ground to jump into, try establishing a rapport by design.
To be credible to others, your body language has to align with your words.
open face smiles and makes eye contact, with a dynamic expression and raised eyebrows.
Open body language exposes your heart and body, signaling to others that you’re not only willing to communicate, but that you’re enthusiastic about it.
credibility depends on the congruity of three communicative aspects: the vocal, verbal and visual.In other words, what you say, how you say it and the signals your body sends while you say it all need to be aligned.
Crossed arms are one of the most common instances of defensive body language
begin a conversation with their hearts facing one another
Adapting to the mannerisms of others is natural and, by doing so, you can make people feel relaxed in your presence.
Synchronizing with your conversation partner’s voice can be a particularly powerful tool
discreetly copying and subtly imitating the gestures of your conversation partner, as well as their body posture, facial expressions, breathing and voice. To do so, you can either match the person exactly or mirror them as if you were their reflection.
The key to conversation is asking the right questions and knowing how to listen.
listen with much more than just your ears; this means using ample eye contact (but not staring), listening with your body by facing your heart toward them, leaning in and nodding your head.
If you want to say something, just remember not to interrupt the other person and be sure to respond to what they’ve said with feeling
active listening, or, in other words, eliciting a feeling of empathy.
closed questions encourage a yes or no response and are formed with the verbs “to be,” “to have” and “to do.”
“Who?”, “When?”, “What?”, “Where?” “How?” or “Why?”
Open questions invite other people to talk.

Final summary
Endearing yourself to a new acquaintance begins from the moment you meet one another. The way another person feels around you is key to making them like you, which makes it essential to adopt a genuinely open attitude and willingness to connect.

[Bonnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I just created a new Shelf - Didn't Finish - and this is the first book I'm putting on this shelf. I listened to 5 chapters of the audiobook and think it would be a good book, but not something I wanted to continue.

The author is in fact a world-renowned fashion photographer who became very interested in the topic and went on to earn a certification with leading doctors in this field. He shares his learnings in the book.

For someone who is shy, would like to improve his perception in the world, wants to excude more enthusiasm in life - there is some great information and how-to's here. I recommend it based on the portions I listened to.

[Anna · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was an ok read. You learn about body language, open ended questions, visual-auditory-kinesthetic preferences that people have. Wish it had a section on connecting with a large group of people--everything is geared toward one-on-one communication. There was a good section on active listening that can be helpful. Nothing exceptional but a somewhat interesting and easy read.

[Nanoo]

..وكتاب جميل .. يهدف للنجاح بإقامة علاقة جيدة مع الناس وترك انطباع أول جيد .. قسم الأشخاص إلى 3أصناف "سمعي وبصير وحركي "..تحدث عن طرق التعامل مع كل صنف .. وطرق التعرف على الحاسة المفضلة لدى كل منا.. رغم أن الكتاب يميل لإعطاء قواعد ونصائح إلا انني استفدت منه

[Ilan]

نيكولاس بوثمان

[Sotiris Makrygiannis · Rating 1 out of 5]

trying hard to hit my 150 books per year target. this was again of low value for me but maybe for someone else could of higher value, who knows.

[Dale Rosenberg · Rating 1 out of 5]

Pretty much just standard sales techniques.

[Nadia's Library · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not broadly applicable and misleading. Interesting for general knowledge for the laymen but not in broader application.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Weak 3 stars. The first part of this little book had useful and interesting information about how humans typically communicate - the 3 V's of visual, vocal, verbal. According to studies the author quoted, people respond mainly to visual/body language and then to tone of voice and finally to verbal/what is actually said. I was reading this with my autistic daughter in mind, hoping to get some pointers about social skills that I could share with her, and this fact that people respond mainly to body language, was very disheartening. She and many other neurodiverse people greatly struggle with both body language and tone. It certainly explains her issues with making friends. The author of this book even says that if you encounter a "difficult person" (his term) then you should ask yourself "Do I really need to deal with this person?" UGH. Great. So you should blow off and not attempt to get to know someone who struggles with appropriate body language. His list of what "difficult people" do is like a list of typical autistic behavior. Fidgeting, not looking people in the eye, hunched shoulders, crossed arms, clenched fists etc mean the person feels uncomfortable and is struggling to interact. Boothman's solution is to cut those people out of your life.

He had several eye rolling stories about how to act "cheery" so people will like you. The most clueless was his story about being pulled over by the cops. His suggestion to hop out of the car, mimic the body language of the cop and be friendly in order to get out of receiving a ticket is amazingly tone deaf. Yeah, I'd like to see a 20 year old black man try that. Boothman is received well by the cop because he is a white middle-aged man driving a nice car. It's not because he is so "cheery".

He also talks a lot about "heart opening" and how pointing your heart at people is what we are naturally drawn to. Ok, I guess? Then he gives the "proof" that when parents hold their infant they hold the baby with its head on the left side of the parent's body because that is where the heart is. No. Just no. It's because most parents are right-handed. It has absolutely nothing to do with where your heart is. I am left handed and held my children the opposite of how Boothman says parents "always" do.

He does give some practical advice in the book which is why I give it the weak 3 stars. Feel free to skip the second half of the book which is a bad attempt to explain how to tell whether people are visual, auditory or kinesthetic. Definitely do not waste the money buying this book. Check it out from the library instead.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have a son who suffers from social anxiety, so I'm always reading things that will help me to help him. This book wasn't that, unfortunately. This was more about basic manners most people learn in a family structure and in school. It was a nice reminder. The author is a photographer turned self-help author so he discussed tools that have helped him.

He had a few good ideas, but this felt like it was stretched out in order to make a book out of it. It felt a tad too long given the content, but still a great reminder.....so three stars.

[Sneha Chaudhary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Highlights the importance of certain gestures and attitudes in communication.. few of which we know but don't realize their significance.
After reading this you become more aware of how you behave around people in order to build up a good rapport and get things done your way.
A new and interesting concept of visuals, auditory and kinaesthetic is discussed which when observed and practiced might help in improving communication skills and relations (personal as well as professional)

[Danielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. As someone who is interested in communication, I love books that shed light on our daily interactions and their deeper meanings. This book not only outlined concepts but also gave examples of how to use them in practice.

I stand by what I said about the title being stupid - this is a book about how to make a great first impression and set a strong foundation for a relationship. I supposed the whole 90-second thing is pretty catchy though.

[Harsimran (Wicked Reviewer)]

I plan to start reading one nonfiction book every month next year. So, I decided to test the waters and see if I'm setting myself up for success or failure especially because I have never gravitated towards nonfiction on my own.

I ended up liking this book. It gave me a few tips as someone who vibes with some people like crazy and not at all with others. And it also makes me believe that I might actually succeed on my one nonfiction per month challenge for 2025.

[Laureena Mardini · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book would have got 4 stars from most people if it was titled something more like:
"The Basics of Establishing Contact"
I think you get the idea: The title lures you into thinking it has some pro advises.
It is simple and useful, but not much to those who find it easy to meet new people and introduce themselves.
Read it if you get nervous around people.

[Michael Reyes · Rating 3 out of 5]

In so far as I can remember, it takes less than 10 seconds for someone to decide whether they like you or not. Now the usual trend is for these numbers to go lower… Which is why “How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less” intrigued me.

If you’ve previously read similar books to this, you’ll notice the same message… Look them in the eye, look presentable, exude confidence, practice your handshake, etc. Nothing revolutionary here, but Boothman adds his own little twist… Neuro-Linguistic Programing (NLP) and a bit of exercise sheets where you could practice what you've learned.

A lot of people would actually question the need for this kind of book. They argue that the art of connecting with other people should be inherent in us. However that’s not always the case. There are a lot of socially awkward people and they need all the help they can get. Even if you’re a pro when it comes to connecting with people, it’s still nice to know the “science” behind it.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are you auditory, visual or kinesthetic? Mirroring a person’s physical actions, tapping into a person’s sensory preferences, and presenting openness with questions that welcome a person in...all contribute to to good human connection. Many good insights I can use with my students. Some chapters, I read again just to practice some f the author’s exercises.