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A Taxonomy of Barnacles: A Novel
The Barnacle sisters--Bell, Bridget, Benita, Beryl, Belinda and Beth--have been raised in New York bytheir eccentric, self-made father in a fabulous, gigantic Fifth Avenue apartment that, encrusted with Barry Barnacle's scientific collections, feels like a little piece of the Museum of Natural History transplanted to the other side of Central Park. Now that most of the sisters have come of age, Barry Barnacle proposes a contest, a test of wits and wills that should at long last settle what is to Barry the most essential of all nature, or nurture? Whichever of his daughters can most spectacularly carry on his name will inherit his fortune; the others are out cold.It's a proposition to set a Jane Austen heroine on her ear, but in Galt Niederhoffer's A Taxonomy of Barnacles, the Barnacle girls are up to the challenge. Throw the girls' mother Bella and their childhood crushes--the Finch twins next door--into the mix and the stage is set for a completely inventive and utterly fresh social comedy that is as beautifully written as it is unique.
384 pages, ebook
First published January 1, 2005
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 101 reviews
March 21, 2007
You know what? Don't read this. Just go out and rent The Royal Tenenbaums. This is just a shoddy imitation that lined the wallets of yet another useless MFA grad with rich parents and an overly complicated name.
GRR.
GRR.
July 4, 2009
Do you see the illustration on the cover? The six sisters lined up on the couch, beautifully drawn and then numbered as if in a scientific diagram? Enjoy it, because that's far and away the best thing about this cloying, inept attempt at vaudevillian romance.
The book takes place in the sort of hermetically sealed idea of New York that populates Woody Allen's worst films; it focuses on the Barnacle family, all of whose first names begin with 'B' (red flag). There is a raging philosophical battle within the family over nature vs. nurture, leading to a competition proposed by the wacky, esoteric father; there are six sisters, more than the book can comfortably flesh out into three-dimensional characters; and next door are twin brothers, each of whom fancy one of the elder sisters and whom are indistinguishable except for their views on baseball (one favors the Red Sox, the other the Yankees.) Are you fascinated yet?
What follows is a smug, safe treatise on affluent family life where misunderstandings rise from mistaken identity during late-night bedroom visits, and in which a small child can easily spend the night alone in a city park free from any sort of danger. First-world problems abound, and frankly it's hard to give much of a shit about the Barnacles' shallow and contrived dilemmas when nothing much seems to be at stake, and even its trumped-up ending has all the emotional heft of a bad romantic comedy. Forgive me my own trite lesson, but "A Taxonomy of Barnacles" is proof that you should never judge a book by its cover.
The book takes place in the sort of hermetically sealed idea of New York that populates Woody Allen's worst films; it focuses on the Barnacle family, all of whose first names begin with 'B' (red flag). There is a raging philosophical battle within the family over nature vs. nurture, leading to a competition proposed by the wacky, esoteric father; there are six sisters, more than the book can comfortably flesh out into three-dimensional characters; and next door are twin brothers, each of whom fancy one of the elder sisters and whom are indistinguishable except for their views on baseball (one favors the Red Sox, the other the Yankees.) Are you fascinated yet?
What follows is a smug, safe treatise on affluent family life where misunderstandings rise from mistaken identity during late-night bedroom visits, and in which a small child can easily spend the night alone in a city park free from any sort of danger. First-world problems abound, and frankly it's hard to give much of a shit about the Barnacles' shallow and contrived dilemmas when nothing much seems to be at stake, and even its trumped-up ending has all the emotional heft of a bad romantic comedy. Forgive me my own trite lesson, but "A Taxonomy of Barnacles" is proof that you should never judge a book by its cover.
June 27, 2021
Tortuous, like many of the 1-star raters have already explained. Beyond criticisms of shallow character development and a throwaway plot, there's a more sinister ideological layer underlying this novel: relentless competition, male vs. female (the binary-ness of this), vying egos, warped interpretations of natural selection, racial/social differences taken for granted--these concepts are harmful and outdated. There is no way something like this could have been published in 2021, and I'm reflecting on how the stories that are being told now are reaching so much deeper. I don't know what forces converged to make this possible, but it seems that the publishing industry has finally started to raise up voices other than the very privileged and well-connected. Maybe because we're tired of hearing the very privileged's bankrupt accounts of life.
These are exactly the type of stories that should no longer be told.
These are exactly the type of stories that should no longer be told.
June 13, 2010
The Challenge: Immortalize the Barnacle family name
All six Barnacle daughters: Bell, Bridget, Beth, Belinda, Beryl, and Benita
The Rules: In a true Darwinian sense, there are none! This is survival of the fittest, a challenge for the Barnacle daughters to thwart evolution, adapt, and thrive.
The Prize: Being named the sole heir of the Barnacle family fortune
As a firm proponent of social Darwinism, Barry Barnacle faces the ultimate and ironic dilemma. He has amassed a great fortune as New York’s “Pantyhose Prince,” and firmly established the Barnacle family name. His attempts at furthering this legacy through his children fall short, however, as he finds himself the father of six daughters and no sons. To overcome this setback and foster some healthy competition among his prospective heirs, Barry creates a challenge for his offspring: “immortalize” the family name and become the sole heir to the Barnacle fortune.
Because there are no stated rules to Barry’s contest, each Barnacle daughter devises a strategy according to her own personality and abilities. Bell, the eldest, appears an early favorite to win when she discovers she is pregnant; however, intensely competitive ten-year-old Benita vows to triumph despite facing multiple setbacks as many of her various plans go awry. Several sisters deign to compete—each citing different reasons—and all seem to equate “immortal” with “infamous” in their individual plans to win. It is Beth, the scientist of the family, who pursues a venue closest to her father’s heart: determining first why Charles Darwin abandoned barnacles for finches as subjects in his evolutionary research and secondly, why he postponed publishing his findings. Her approach to winning Barry’s contest actually underscores the nature-vs.-nuture, barnacles vs. finches competition that underlies the entire plot of the book. The Barnacles’ neighbors are, in fact, are the Finches, a family of two parents and twin sons, Billy and Blaine Finch. The real contest of the story arises from their relationships with the eldest two Barnacle sisters—Bell and Bridget—and a marriage game that carries them beyond Barry Barnacle’s competition. In fact, the outcome of Barry’s competition becomes something no one could expect.
This debut novel by Galt Niederhoffer presents a quirky portrait of family life, whether among sister competitors, Barry’s first and second wives (Bella and Bunny respectively), or even the Finch twins themselves. Part comedy, part drama, with some spoof and romance thrown in, this novel has a little of everything wrapped up in a survival-of-the-fittest look at family life
All six Barnacle daughters: Bell, Bridget, Beth, Belinda, Beryl, and Benita
The Rules: In a true Darwinian sense, there are none! This is survival of the fittest, a challenge for the Barnacle daughters to thwart evolution, adapt, and thrive.
The Prize: Being named the sole heir of the Barnacle family fortune
As a firm proponent of social Darwinism, Barry Barnacle faces the ultimate and ironic dilemma. He has amassed a great fortune as New York’s “Pantyhose Prince,” and firmly established the Barnacle family name. His attempts at furthering this legacy through his children fall short, however, as he finds himself the father of six daughters and no sons. To overcome this setback and foster some healthy competition among his prospective heirs, Barry creates a challenge for his offspring: “immortalize” the family name and become the sole heir to the Barnacle fortune.
Because there are no stated rules to Barry’s contest, each Barnacle daughter devises a strategy according to her own personality and abilities. Bell, the eldest, appears an early favorite to win when she discovers she is pregnant; however, intensely competitive ten-year-old Benita vows to triumph despite facing multiple setbacks as many of her various plans go awry. Several sisters deign to compete—each citing different reasons—and all seem to equate “immortal” with “infamous” in their individual plans to win. It is Beth, the scientist of the family, who pursues a venue closest to her father’s heart: determining first why Charles Darwin abandoned barnacles for finches as subjects in his evolutionary research and secondly, why he postponed publishing his findings. Her approach to winning Barry’s contest actually underscores the nature-vs.-nuture, barnacles vs. finches competition that underlies the entire plot of the book. The Barnacles’ neighbors are, in fact, are the Finches, a family of two parents and twin sons, Billy and Blaine Finch. The real contest of the story arises from their relationships with the eldest two Barnacle sisters—Bell and Bridget—and a marriage game that carries them beyond Barry Barnacle’s competition. In fact, the outcome of Barry’s competition becomes something no one could expect.
This debut novel by Galt Niederhoffer presents a quirky portrait of family life, whether among sister competitors, Barry’s first and second wives (Bella and Bunny respectively), or even the Finch twins themselves. Part comedy, part drama, with some spoof and romance thrown in, this novel has a little of everything wrapped up in a survival-of-the-fittest look at family life
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 28, 2021
Picked this up secondhand to give my mom, who loves books about NYC. Boy am I glad I read it first so she didn't waste her time.
The good: the author had some nice phrases and interesting comparisons, particularly when describing flora blooming in spring. Descriptions of Central Park and its features were nice to read about. I appreciated - or at least think I understood - why the patriarch chose and changed his surname to Barnacle.
The bad: most of the rest of it. Silly names (way too many 'B' names and for no good reason). The convenience of living next to a Finch family (the other Darwin name, referred to extensively within the story). Annoying, mostly shallow characters who were more interested in looks and clothes and hair (their own and others') and sneaking in and out and shocking people than much of anything else. One who seems to be a budding sociopath (she glibly chops up insects and worms and suffocates pigeons, ostensibly for science). The 29-year-old, three-month-preggo character who occasionally gets morning sickness but has no qualms about throwing herself around as if she's not pregnant - no regard for the baby. Well, I suppose some people do that.
The worst (maybe): SO many errors. After a very short while, I was reading to edit more than to see how the book turned out. I actually marked up this book. I almost never write in books - hate the idea of marring the pages in most of them. In this one, it felt imperative. Where was the editor?
Grammatical and spelling errors, including very obvious ones such as "Haley's comet" instead of "Halley's"; "Time Square" instead of "Times Square"; "corral" for "coral"; "hair looked coifed" instead of "coiffed". Misplaced apostrophes. Missing and misplaced commas. Incorrect words (missing an -ed on a verb, for example; "lived up" when it should have been "livened up"; "complimented the cupcakes" instead of "complemented").
Larger-scale editing and continuity errors and sloppiness - even laziness. Repeated phrases, such as the "surprisingly low height of the fence" around the zoo (at least three times). Repeated paragraphs, with just a few words changed, in the most egregious case resulting in two of the sisters wearing the same pair of green-polka-dotted black heels at the same time when there's almost certainly only one such pair.
The wrong character's name being used in various places. The twins' ages aren't consistent, despite the book taking place over a week: early on it's said that ten years ago they were 16, making them 26 now. Later they're said to be 30 (though that could have been an exaggeration/rounding issue on the part of the character saying that), then 28, then 30 (again?). Their apartment is supposedly three 6-room apartments put together: 2 adjacent, and one above. Yet they seem to have far more rooms than that (there's a section with a tour that lists many of them). Are they on the top floor or not? Mom magically moves above them - creating a new top floor? The twins supposedly live across the but go "down the hall" to visit. Maybe just a phrase, but not so sure given the rest of the errors. When climbing down the fire escape one time, there's an interesting description of the different things the character can and can't hear as she gets closer to the ground - yet later, someone on the street yells up and expects to be heard by the folks on the top floor.
Highly questionable authorial choices. Why would a Jewish girl, even one who isn't religious, tell her boyfriend to bring a cake to a seder and then get annoyed when he doesn't? Just to irritate her religious stepmom? The author never says or even implies that; the cake is simply used as a device for the girl to get annoyed at her boyfriend. Who bakes a turkey for Passover, anyway? Is this because there are so many of them and a chicken wouldn't be enough food? Who bakes sweet potatoes or fries eggs for Passover? Or has "clumps of batter" anywhere near the seder kitchen? If the stepmom is religious and wants a real seder, this makes no sense. The size and extent of the patriarch's jungle room:
could it really hold that many creatures? How are they fed, watered, exercised, kept alive? (To her credit, the author does point out the father's shortcomings in doing so with his earlier aquariums.) The early explanation of Latrell (during the first Passover evening) doesn't jibe with the later one (at the end of the book). Commenting that one family has a squash court in place of a pool - hard to believe you could just build a pool into your upper-level apartment at will without that causing engineering problems in the building. Folks climbing up and down *thirteen* flights of fire escape in nothing flat and with little effort.
...Have to do a paragraph break here for legibility...
"...white cement already shaded by the midday sun" with no mention of trees or anything else casting shade. Describing monkeys as having an "eerie resemblance to human beings" - what's eerie about that? We have common ancestors. The girls' dad supposedly has extensive, creepy dossiers on the neighbor twins, including either info on or actual physical baby teeth, blue ribbons, A papers, locks of hair, etc. Why would he know about, let alone have, any of these things?
Factual errors. Bamboo is not a tree. There is no such thing as an electron telescope. Well, technically there is something called that (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calorim... - I Googled that) but it's not the kind you'd ever have in your house for a kid to look out their window at the stars. If you get your period "on the first Thursday of the month" every month, that's *not* "like clockwork" because some months are longer than others. The mom breaks her ankle and is in the hospital, and in the next section - with no mention of her having left the hospital - she's walking around her apartment (and doing stairs). Describing a fledgling red-tailed hawk (Googled this: newly-hatched ones are about 2oz.; the adults weigh a couple of pounds) as a "tiny bird" that would be docile enough for a 13-year-old would pick up in her hand and carry home. The logistics of "[the dad] leaned back in his chair to a ninety-degree tilt, scanned the table for the next speaker..." - really? If you lean back ninety degrees, you're on your back looking up at the ceiling :/
I skimmed or even skipped most of the descriptions of the actual baseball and tennis play and don't know much about either anyway, so I can't speak to the accuracy of those parts but many other readers say there are factual errors in the baseball sections.
Overall - I would not recommend it.
The good: the author had some nice phrases and interesting comparisons, particularly when describing flora blooming in spring. Descriptions of Central Park and its features were nice to read about. I appreciated - or at least think I understood - why the patriarch chose and changed his surname to Barnacle.
The bad: most of the rest of it. Silly names (way too many 'B' names and for no good reason). The convenience of living next to a Finch family (the other Darwin name, referred to extensively within the story). Annoying, mostly shallow characters who were more interested in looks and clothes and hair (their own and others') and sneaking in and out and shocking people than much of anything else. One who seems to be a budding sociopath (she glibly chops up insects and worms and suffocates pigeons, ostensibly for science). The 29-year-old, three-month-preggo character who occasionally gets morning sickness but has no qualms about throwing herself around as if she's not pregnant - no regard for the baby. Well, I suppose some people do that.
The worst (maybe): SO many errors. After a very short while, I was reading to edit more than to see how the book turned out. I actually marked up this book. I almost never write in books - hate the idea of marring the pages in most of them. In this one, it felt imperative. Where was the editor?
Grammatical and spelling errors, including very obvious ones such as "Haley's comet" instead of "Halley's"; "Time Square" instead of "Times Square"; "corral" for "coral"; "hair looked coifed" instead of "coiffed". Misplaced apostrophes. Missing and misplaced commas. Incorrect words (missing an -ed on a verb, for example; "lived up" when it should have been "livened up"; "complimented the cupcakes" instead of "complemented").
Larger-scale editing and continuity errors and sloppiness - even laziness. Repeated phrases, such as the "surprisingly low height of the fence" around the zoo (at least three times). Repeated paragraphs, with just a few words changed, in the most egregious case resulting in two of the sisters wearing the same pair of green-polka-dotted black heels at the same time when there's almost certainly only one such pair.
The wrong character's name being used in various places. The twins' ages aren't consistent, despite the book taking place over a week: early on it's said that ten years ago they were 16, making them 26 now. Later they're said to be 30 (though that could have been an exaggeration/rounding issue on the part of the character saying that), then 28, then 30 (again?). Their apartment is supposedly three 6-room apartments put together: 2 adjacent, and one above. Yet they seem to have far more rooms than that (there's a section with a tour that lists many of them). Are they on the top floor or not? Mom magically moves above them - creating a new top floor? The twins supposedly live across the but go "down the hall" to visit. Maybe just a phrase, but not so sure given the rest of the errors. When climbing down the fire escape one time, there's an interesting description of the different things the character can and can't hear as she gets closer to the ground - yet later, someone on the street yells up and expects to be heard by the folks on the top floor.
Highly questionable authorial choices. Why would a Jewish girl, even one who isn't religious, tell her boyfriend to bring a cake to a seder and then get annoyed when he doesn't? Just to irritate her religious stepmom? The author never says or even implies that; the cake is simply used as a device for the girl to get annoyed at her boyfriend. Who bakes a turkey for Passover, anyway? Is this because there are so many of them and a chicken wouldn't be enough food? Who bakes sweet potatoes or fries eggs for Passover? Or has "clumps of batter" anywhere near the seder kitchen? If the stepmom is religious and wants a real seder, this makes no sense. The size and extent of the patriarch's jungle room:
could it really hold that many creatures? How are they fed, watered, exercised, kept alive? (To her credit, the author does point out the father's shortcomings in doing so with his earlier aquariums.) The early explanation of Latrell (during the first Passover evening) doesn't jibe with the later one (at the end of the book). Commenting that one family has a squash court in place of a pool - hard to believe you could just build a pool into your upper-level apartment at will without that causing engineering problems in the building. Folks climbing up and down *thirteen* flights of fire escape in nothing flat and with little effort.
...Have to do a paragraph break here for legibility...
"...white cement already shaded by the midday sun" with no mention of trees or anything else casting shade. Describing monkeys as having an "eerie resemblance to human beings" - what's eerie about that? We have common ancestors. The girls' dad supposedly has extensive, creepy dossiers on the neighbor twins, including either info on or actual physical baby teeth, blue ribbons, A papers, locks of hair, etc. Why would he know about, let alone have, any of these things?
Factual errors. Bamboo is not a tree. There is no such thing as an electron telescope. Well, technically there is something called that (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calorim... - I Googled that) but it's not the kind you'd ever have in your house for a kid to look out their window at the stars. If you get your period "on the first Thursday of the month" every month, that's *not* "like clockwork" because some months are longer than others. The mom breaks her ankle and is in the hospital, and in the next section - with no mention of her having left the hospital - she's walking around her apartment (and doing stairs). Describing a fledgling red-tailed hawk (Googled this: newly-hatched ones are about 2oz.; the adults weigh a couple of pounds) as a "tiny bird" that would be docile enough for a 13-year-old would pick up in her hand and carry home. The logistics of "[the dad] leaned back in his chair to a ninety-degree tilt, scanned the table for the next speaker..." - really? If you lean back ninety degrees, you're on your back looking up at the ceiling :/
I skimmed or even skipped most of the descriptions of the actual baseball and tennis play and don't know much about either anyway, so I can't speak to the accuracy of those parts but many other readers say there are factual errors in the baseball sections.
Overall - I would not recommend it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 15, 2012
Oh my gosh. I've been trying to get through this book for about 6 months, and I'm not sure why I'm pushing myself. See, it's a terribly annoying and frustrating book. The characters are one-dimensional, and there are too many of them with similar names so I can't remember who is who.
I bought this book because it had a really nice matte paper pseudo-scientific cover. But since it sucks so bad, when I finish it it's going straight to the Strand.
I bought this book because it had a really nice matte paper pseudo-scientific cover. But since it sucks so bad, when I finish it it's going straight to the Strand.
July 9, 2019
I tried twice to get into this, years ago. I even tried again this year, nope. DNF. Too many names with B as first initial so which sister is this again, go back to page 3,4,5...to find out which one had lighter hair. Ugh! Some compare this to the movie The Royal Tannonbaughms. ( Sorry if misspelled.) But I saw that movie three times and watched two of those times all the way to the credits. I can't even get passed page 75 in this book.
September 17, 2007
This is a fairly recent read but I can't even remember what month I read this book because it was that unmemorable. Really kind of a ridiculous story, nothing about it felt genuine. I think one of the reviews called it a Royal Tenenbaums wanna be and that is so right. It had all of the quirkiness but none of the heart or intelligence.
December 30, 2007
Simultaneously careless and heavy-handed
April 13, 2010
I think I hate this book, but I'm too stubborn to give up on it. I'll reserve judgement until I finish it...
Yup...I hated it...
Yup...I hated it...
September 24, 2023
This is the story of 6 sister - the Barnacles, and their somewhat eccentric father Barry, and a contest he decides to offer to the sisters. The neighbors are the Finches, notably the twins Billy and Blaine who are each (possibly) in love with 2 of the sisters.
The story is also told with backdrop of Darwin's barnacles and finches, and the concept of nature vs. nurture.
I enjoyed the stories of the sisters and the various dynamics that exist in such a large family.
The story is also told with backdrop of Darwin's barnacles and finches, and the concept of nature vs. nurture.
I enjoyed the stories of the sisters and the various dynamics that exist in such a large family.
July 1, 2019
Could not force myself to finish. Way too many "B" names to keep straight. Everyone seemed to be some sort of caricature. Couldn't get a feel for any characters.
Read
April 30, 2020Gave up this, everytime I picked it up it sent me to sleep
June 25, 2016
Barry Barnacle has issued a challenge to his offspring. In a move that reminds one of a Jane Austen novel, Barry has told his six daughters that since he has no son, whichever one of them can find a way to immortalize the family name will be named the sole heir to the family fortune. If there wasn’t already enough sibling rivalry between Bell, Bridget, Beth, Belinda, Beryl and Benita, this new mandate is sure to create havoc. Add to the mix their mother Bella’s (Barry’s ex-wife) adopted son, Latrell, and the Finch twins who live next door – Billy and Blaine – and the comedy of manners gets complicated quickly, taking the reader all over New York – from the family’s Fifth Avenue apartment to Coney Island and Yankee Stadium.
This eccentric family makes for an eccentric novel. There were parts that completely captivated me, but I also got confused with all the characters having names starting with a “B.” Some of the descriptions in the book completely charmed me, such as passages describing the Barnacle’s library, or Central Park in springtime. Some of the characters also charmed me. I liked Latrell and felt for him as he searched for his biological father; I also was amused by the Finch brothers’ many plans to propose. On the other hand, I was equally put off by a few of the characters. I especially disliked Barry and Bunny, and the action focused on the oldest and youngest sisters, leaving the middle siblings basically out of the story. The final few pages stretch credulity too far in my opinion. Still, on the whole, I was entertained.
This eccentric family makes for an eccentric novel. There were parts that completely captivated me, but I also got confused with all the characters having names starting with a “B.” Some of the descriptions in the book completely charmed me, such as passages describing the Barnacle’s library, or Central Park in springtime. Some of the characters also charmed me. I liked Latrell and felt for him as he searched for his biological father; I also was amused by the Finch brothers’ many plans to propose. On the other hand, I was equally put off by a few of the characters. I especially disliked Barry and Bunny, and the action focused on the oldest and youngest sisters, leaving the middle siblings basically out of the story. The final few pages stretch credulity too far in my opinion. Still, on the whole, I was entertained.
June 18, 2008
Things I hated about this book:
1. Inconsistency: For example, at the start of the book both parents are said to have brown eyes, but later in the book a reference is made to the mother's blue eyes.
2. The youngest daughter was made to be a monster. I get it, she is supposed to be the unlikable one, but she is unbelievably awful. Emphasis on unbelievable.
3. Unnecessary plot twists: For example, one paternity issue is interesting, two is excessive. This is especially true when it comes out of nowhere, does nothing to move or thicken the plot, and is not mentioned again.
4. Choppy writing: For example, "[Barry] inched slowly out of the dining room, forcibly removing his daughters from his path... Bella moved quickly from her chair and took the seat next to Barry. She covered his hand with her own and nodded encouragingly." (p. 357-358). These location sentences are on either end of a paragraph that is about emotions, with no re-locating sentences in it to account for Barry's apparent return to the dining room.
5. All the resolutions came at once. In one night the contest is over, Latrell's father is revealed, and the relationships between Bell, Bridget, and the Finch brothers are decided. Too much at once, it felt rushed.
I liked this book until about two-thirds of the way through, when it fell apart. It felt like the author simply got tired of writing this story and so did everything she could to wrap it up. The result was not good.
1. Inconsistency: For example, at the start of the book both parents are said to have brown eyes, but later in the book a reference is made to the mother's blue eyes.
2. The youngest daughter was made to be a monster. I get it, she is supposed to be the unlikable one, but she is unbelievably awful. Emphasis on unbelievable.
3. Unnecessary plot twists: For example, one paternity issue is interesting, two is excessive. This is especially true when it comes out of nowhere, does nothing to move or thicken the plot, and is not mentioned again.
4. Choppy writing: For example, "[Barry] inched slowly out of the dining room, forcibly removing his daughters from his path... Bella moved quickly from her chair and took the seat next to Barry. She covered his hand with her own and nodded encouragingly." (p. 357-358). These location sentences are on either end of a paragraph that is about emotions, with no re-locating sentences in it to account for Barry's apparent return to the dining room.
5. All the resolutions came at once. In one night the contest is over, Latrell's father is revealed, and the relationships between Bell, Bridget, and the Finch brothers are decided. Too much at once, it felt rushed.
I liked this book until about two-thirds of the way through, when it fell apart. It felt like the author simply got tired of writing this story and so did everything she could to wrap it up. The result was not good.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 16, 2011
My friend gave me this book, she said "because I really can't decide how I feel about it. I think it was a little pretentious, so read it and tell me what you think." I did. And I was not impressed.
The book seemed to start off with a slow beginning, but I kept reading thinking that not only would the characters become less confusing (when would it ever be a good idea to have everyone's names start with B?), but that the pace would pick up. Sadly, it did not. After spending an entire Saturday spent getting halfway through the book, I decided that the day would NOT be a waste and I WOULD muddle through. And muddle through is exactly what I did. In the end, the story was about characters I couldn't get attached to (mostly because its too hard to keep track of all the damn B's) and the most anti-climactic ending I have ever read. I literally put the book down after finishing it and said, "That was it???" Wasted nearly an entire day on what has to be the most incredibly pretentious and boring story ever written.
Gald Neiderhoffer, I will most definitely NOT be reading any more of your books, should you actually manage to publish them.
The book seemed to start off with a slow beginning, but I kept reading thinking that not only would the characters become less confusing (when would it ever be a good idea to have everyone's names start with B?), but that the pace would pick up. Sadly, it did not. After spending an entire Saturday spent getting halfway through the book, I decided that the day would NOT be a waste and I WOULD muddle through. And muddle through is exactly what I did. In the end, the story was about characters I couldn't get attached to (mostly because its too hard to keep track of all the damn B's) and the most anti-climactic ending I have ever read. I literally put the book down after finishing it and said, "That was it???" Wasted nearly an entire day on what has to be the most incredibly pretentious and boring story ever written.
Gald Neiderhoffer, I will most definitely NOT be reading any more of your books, should you actually manage to publish them.
March 15, 2012
I enjoyed the book in the beginning - as it does remind me of the Royal Tenenbaums, and I had a few really good laughs within the first few chapters. However, the farther I got into the book, the more those characteristics wained.
The only characters I truly liked were Beryl, Trot and Latrel. They were the most down to earth and endearing when it came to their thoughts and emotions.
Beth, Bridget, Blaine and Billy were my least favorite. The romance aspect they were supposed to bring to the book was absent, as far as I was concerned. It was just a bunch of annoying, melodramatic, uppity banter between rich yuppies.
The author did a good job in many of her descriptions, however, she used the words "betrayed" and "ennui" way too often. It was obnoxious and made it feel like she was trying too hard to sound smart.
The author also failed to bring the theme of Nature vs. Nurture full circle. It would pop up every now and then, but that's it.
In the end, the book finished abruptly with a father who wasted his daughter's time, an inevitable engagement and the lingering question of "If Barry is a nasty as he sounds, how does he get so many ladies?"
The only characters I truly liked were Beryl, Trot and Latrel. They were the most down to earth and endearing when it came to their thoughts and emotions.
Beth, Bridget, Blaine and Billy were my least favorite. The romance aspect they were supposed to bring to the book was absent, as far as I was concerned. It was just a bunch of annoying, melodramatic, uppity banter between rich yuppies.
The author did a good job in many of her descriptions, however, she used the words "betrayed" and "ennui" way too often. It was obnoxious and made it feel like she was trying too hard to sound smart.
The author also failed to bring the theme of Nature vs. Nurture full circle. It would pop up every now and then, but that's it.
In the end, the book finished abruptly with a father who wasted his daughter's time, an inevitable engagement and the lingering question of "If Barry is a nasty as he sounds, how does he get so many ladies?"
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 29, 2014
Maybe I'm missing something because I am not a member of the privileged class that is described so often in this book. I've never even been to NYC - so perhaps a lot of it is lost on me. I simply could not believe any of the characters. Even Trot, who was a shout out to the starving artist middle class kid trying to make it in the big city, had so much inner turmoil over simple things that it was laughable. Despite not being able to believe the characters or feel very connected to them, I would have read this book in a couple of days if I'd had the luxury to do so. Once I started, I wanted to know what happened. The answer was: not a whole lot. There were lots of pretty words, to be certain, and descriptions weren't lacking - but it took forever for anything to happen and when it did, it was kind of a letdown. I wouldn't recommend this to a friend. I think it was a valiant attempt to make something out of nothing. It did hold my interest enough to want to finish, which is an accomplishment in its own right. I am interested in reading other works from this author - hoping that her many talents and obvious intelligence will culminate in a more stirring work of fiction.
December 19, 2007
A book for sophisticated readers familiar with New York (I probably wouldn't classify myself as such). It is similar in many ways to Royal Tennenbaums---quirky NYC family, a little cynical. Basically, dad pits seven sisters, his current wife and ex-wife against each other in a contest for his inheritance. Each of the sisters responds to this differently; most see it as a ploy for dad’s love. There really isn’t a plot until the end, when various secrets are revealed. Getting through all of the back stories can be tedious at times, although the author makes some telling insights into human behavior. This was supposed to be a big “nature vs. nuture” book, but I think that theme got lost. Also, it was confusing to have nearly every character’s name begin with B.
September 7, 2007
I thought this book would be better. I felt like the author just watched "The Royal Tenenbaums" too much and decided that a wacky, eccentric family with a absent father sounded like a good idea.
The real frustrating thing is that this book has lots of potential. But all the characters are shallow. The only interesting aspects, which are the house and the science, are barely discussed. I finished it, hoping there would be a change in the tone, but was sorely disappointed and felt like I had wasted a few days.
It's a fast read and if you don't want anything to thought-provoking, you could take it to the beach with you or on a road trip. Light and breezy. Slightly boring.
The real frustrating thing is that this book has lots of potential. But all the characters are shallow. The only interesting aspects, which are the house and the science, are barely discussed. I finished it, hoping there would be a change in the tone, but was sorely disappointed and felt like I had wasted a few days.
It's a fast read and if you don't want anything to thought-provoking, you could take it to the beach with you or on a road trip. Light and breezy. Slightly boring.
January 17, 2012
50 pages in, I couldn't keep anyone straight. Seriously, nine "B" family members plus two "B" neighbor-slash-love interests, a list of "B" ex-boyfriends, all with a list of quirks that, taken en masse, would make Pippi Longstocking roll her eyes in disbelief and demand that someone needs to grow up already.
This book tries too hard to be...something. I'm not sure what, and don't care. I didn't like any of the characters except the dog, and found that I couldn't root for anyone in a story about a bunch of people who don't like each other (or themselves, half the time). I want my wasted time back....
This book tries too hard to be...something. I'm not sure what, and don't care. I didn't like any of the characters except the dog, and found that I couldn't root for anyone in a story about a bunch of people who don't like each other (or themselves, half the time). I want my wasted time back....
December 28, 2013
Althought there were passages of very enjoyable writing in this book, it was also so self-consciously artificial that I was constantly pulled out of the story. All of the six daughters of Bella and Barry Barnacle have names starting with the letter B, which I might be able to get past, as the parents are beyond eccentric. But when one daughter reflects on her dating history, all of her ex boyfriends also have names that start with the letter B, and that is where it starts to get a little silly. There were funny and lovely moments in this book, but if you think of it as a fairy tale more than a novel, that may help you enjoy it more...
May 28, 2007
The premise is great- crazy tells his 6 (equally crazy) daughters that the first to make their family name immortal wins the inheritance. I think this is an ambitious novel. Not perfect, but an enjoyable read (once you get over the fact that nearly every character's name starts with a B just for the hell of it). It's hard to tell folks apart at every turn but there are some great characters (the most interesting-slash-evil 10 year old I've read about, for example). Let's put it this way- I'm glad I bought this on the 3 for 2 table at Borders, but I"m not sorry I read it.
October 1, 2010
I tried liking this one. I really did. But the characters are actually caricatures, awful, exaggerated, and boring. Developing 12 characters in 300 pages is an impossible task, so most of them are flat and uninteresting. The ones that have potential are self-indulgent and quite unlikable. The only character of the entire book that was described with much love and care is New York City. Really made me want to go back and explore it some more, but I sincerely hope that this was not based on real characters, not matter how eccentric some New Yorkers might get.
August 26, 2014
This is actually my favorite book. I've always been a big fan of the whole Nature vs. Nurture debate, and I liked that all the sisters were so unique. Benita was a terror, Beryl was interesting, Belinda was annoying, Beth was too strange, Bridget was my favorite (I think) and I really felt for Bell. Also I love Billy Finch. Upper East Side, Darwinism, gigantic sibling dynamic, lots of things I think are cool.
Kelly if you're reading this give me my book back.
Update: It's been three years so I bought another copy.
Kelly if you're reading this give me my book back.
Update: It's been three years so I bought another copy.
March 17, 2009
I wanted to like this book more than I did; the premise was so interesting, what with all of the sisters and the kooky parents and the upper east side apartment ... unfortunately, it tended to drag on and i didn't care much about the characters by the time it was all over. However, as a possibly glimpse into the author's real life (although it's not supposed to be autobiographical, parts of it definitely seem like they are?) - it's sorta fascinating. From that angle anyway.
July 23, 2008
I enjoyed this book but I don't think it was meant to be overly intellectual or have a deeper meaning than to entertain. Yes, I agree with the multitudes of reviewers that compare this book to The Royal Tenenbaums, however, I think the characters in this novel are slightly less screwed up and have more affection for their family. So, if you enjoy books about privileged New Yorkers written by an Ivy Leaguer (Harvard I believe), than you will find this novel interesting.
February 14, 2013
you know what, as a sixteen year old reader. I LOVED this book. it sometimes made me annoyed because of all the different characters I had to remember but other than that it was drama filled, funny, sad, crazy and all that one needs for a good read. Now the writing may be a little off don't get me wrong and the story starts off impossibly slow for my taste. The Barnacles stole my heart and held until the very last page all 6 girls and 4 boys plus parents! lol
November 7, 2007
this book is sort of quirky, and amusingly written. it kind of reminds me of a story that wes anderson might tell in one of his movies. it has sort of a royal tenenbaums-ish feel to it. BUT, unfortunately the story line doesn't flow very nicely, and the tone actually gets a little old in places. it has potential, but it took me awhile to get through it...
May 6, 2012
Dumb. Characters not very interesting. Premise was promising but didn't go anywhere. Wealthy family with six daughters in New York City. The father challenges them to immortalize the Barnacle family name somehow and the winner inherits the fortune. Guess who wins? The sister who gets pregnant out of wedlock and provides an heir. Boring.
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