What do you think?
Rate this book
Manners from Heaven; a divine guide to good behaviour [inscribed & signed]
Excellent Book
Paperback
First published January 1, 1984
9 people are currently reading
430 people want to read
About the author
Quentin Crisp
35 books120 followersQuentin Crisp, born Denis Charles Pratt, was an English writer, artist's model, actor and raconteur known for his memorable and insightful witticisms. He became a gay icon in the 1970s after publication of his memoir, The Naked Civil Servant, brought to the attention of the general public his defiant exhibitionism and longstanding refusal to remain in the closet.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
March 20, 2008
Fucking fantastic...may even cure depression.
January 17, 2015
This is a delightful book about how to behave well coming from a very original thinker who had plenty of opportunities to try out responses to rudeness. It was written in the early nineteen- eighties so some of it is still contemporary but some isn’t at all (the parts that have dated are mostly about how women are expected to behave). Some of the polite lies advocated go a bit far in my opinion and I’m not sure they would be wise. There is much good advice in this book that is still relevant and it’s written so amusingly I’m likely to remember it. It’s a great book for those who struggle with defining the boundaries of what they think is acceptable behaviour. It has the splendid aim of making people enjoy other people’s company. I think anyone could read it and find something relevant that can help them in their dealings with others.
This part seemed extremely relevant for life right now: “We must live a life where we do have time for others. We must reduce our activities so that we are never living at the very edge of our nervous or physical energy; then we will always have the time to behave nicely”.
This isn’t a twee book about pointless rules that divide people into classes, it’s an incisive and inclusive book about how to treat people in order to be treated well oneself.
This part seemed extremely relevant for life right now: “We must live a life where we do have time for others. We must reduce our activities so that we are never living at the very edge of our nervous or physical energy; then we will always have the time to behave nicely”.
This isn’t a twee book about pointless rules that divide people into classes, it’s an incisive and inclusive book about how to treat people in order to be treated well oneself.
September 14, 2011
I liked it very much indeed. I would, however, caution you against reading it all in one go. Savour it. Take it a chapter a day. Intersperse your reading of this with something else. And like fine cognac, allow this to be the apertif that chases down a less than perfect day.
February 19, 2008
when the world is too dreadful, i am charmed and soothed by crisp's dry wit, kindness and unflagging commitment to civilized behaviour.
June 4, 2021
In the 1968 film Villa Rides, very loosely based on Pancho Villa's exploits as he morphed from bandit to man-of-the-people revolutionary in Mexico, there is a scene in which a number of converts to the cause of regime change seek refreshment and entertainment in a cantina, one of whom grabs a young woman with foul designs upon her person. The young woman shrieks, attracting the attention of Villa's right-hand man, Fiero, played with laconic menace by Charles Bronson. Fiero tells the unwanted suitor to leave the woman alone. The man pauses, snarls, and offers a dismissive wave in reply. Fiero shoots the man in the midsection. The man clutches himself and folds forwards.
"Go outside and die," Fiero says. "Where are your manners?"
The man, presumably seeking his manners, stumbles out through the cantina's swinging doors, and, as one might guess, has no further scenes in the movie.
For readers not old enough to remember Charles Bronson, he was a top box-office draw a half century ago and was in real life supposedly much like the characters he played in that he was not much given to exchanging pleasantries. As a man of few words, he left neither a tell-all autobiography nor a book of manners entitled, "Say Please and Thanks . . . Or I'll Shoot You."
And that's a good thing, because most people seeking self-improvement through reading would probably like to find words to live by.
Which leads us to Quentin Crisp, the author of Manners from Heaven: A Divine Guide to Good Behaviour. Crisp was as voluble as Bronson was tight-lipped, so pleasurable in company that he made a living in his later years on extended tours of venues where he had delightful question-and-answer exchanges with audience members on just about all subjects involving human interactions. In his early years, Crisp was a flamboyant dresser and non-traditional in his sexual orientation, and this was in England at a time when flamboyance was considered bad form and homosexual behavior was a crime. Since Crisp was slight of build and his country didn't give him the right to bear arms, he couldn't shoot people with whom he disagreed or who found him disagreeable. In the latter instance, there were many, and he learned to defend himself from severe verbal and physical abuse with manners, as it were. He succeeded admirably.
The primary ingredients of Crisp's good manners are intelligence, consideration, good humor, and deceit. He is quick witted, charming, and disarming, the latter quality being the driving force of his book. Given the traumas he faced as a young man, his guidelines are more about avoiding harm than making life more pleasurable. When confronted with an unpleasant encounter or situation, Crisp prefers responding with a comforting lie. Stated alternatively, if the truth hurts, don't tell the truth. Examples of these situations include unwanted sexual advances, like the cantina scene above, as well as responding to people with bad credit who ask for loans, incompatible roommates, loud neighbors, and the like. Crisp writes with great wit and is an astute observer of humans in general, cognizant of all foibles and warts, but he would be loathe to point them out in a one-on-one encounter.
On the subject of deceit, readers should not approach the book with expectations arising from its title. There are no references to Psalms, Proverbs, or other religious directives. The writing is divine, in the secular sense that it makes for a very pleasurable, deliciously funny read, but if you're looking for faith, either in God or humanity, there is none to be found in its pages. Similarly, the chapter entitled "Love Made Easy" is about avoiding or getting out of sexual encounters, dates, marriages, etc. Crisp does not appear to believe in love, nor in any other sort of relationship that links one person to another.
Smart? Yes. Funny? I laughed again and again and again. Well written? Very much so. Words to live by? Hmmm. Maybe, if you want to exit the cantina, alone, without a scratch.
"Go outside and die," Fiero says. "Where are your manners?"
The man, presumably seeking his manners, stumbles out through the cantina's swinging doors, and, as one might guess, has no further scenes in the movie.
For readers not old enough to remember Charles Bronson, he was a top box-office draw a half century ago and was in real life supposedly much like the characters he played in that he was not much given to exchanging pleasantries. As a man of few words, he left neither a tell-all autobiography nor a book of manners entitled, "Say Please and Thanks . . . Or I'll Shoot You."
And that's a good thing, because most people seeking self-improvement through reading would probably like to find words to live by.
Which leads us to Quentin Crisp, the author of Manners from Heaven: A Divine Guide to Good Behaviour. Crisp was as voluble as Bronson was tight-lipped, so pleasurable in company that he made a living in his later years on extended tours of venues where he had delightful question-and-answer exchanges with audience members on just about all subjects involving human interactions. In his early years, Crisp was a flamboyant dresser and non-traditional in his sexual orientation, and this was in England at a time when flamboyance was considered bad form and homosexual behavior was a crime. Since Crisp was slight of build and his country didn't give him the right to bear arms, he couldn't shoot people with whom he disagreed or who found him disagreeable. In the latter instance, there were many, and he learned to defend himself from severe verbal and physical abuse with manners, as it were. He succeeded admirably.
The primary ingredients of Crisp's good manners are intelligence, consideration, good humor, and deceit. He is quick witted, charming, and disarming, the latter quality being the driving force of his book. Given the traumas he faced as a young man, his guidelines are more about avoiding harm than making life more pleasurable. When confronted with an unpleasant encounter or situation, Crisp prefers responding with a comforting lie. Stated alternatively, if the truth hurts, don't tell the truth. Examples of these situations include unwanted sexual advances, like the cantina scene above, as well as responding to people with bad credit who ask for loans, incompatible roommates, loud neighbors, and the like. Crisp writes with great wit and is an astute observer of humans in general, cognizant of all foibles and warts, but he would be loathe to point them out in a one-on-one encounter.
On the subject of deceit, readers should not approach the book with expectations arising from its title. There are no references to Psalms, Proverbs, or other religious directives. The writing is divine, in the secular sense that it makes for a very pleasurable, deliciously funny read, but if you're looking for faith, either in God or humanity, there is none to be found in its pages. Similarly, the chapter entitled "Love Made Easy" is about avoiding or getting out of sexual encounters, dates, marriages, etc. Crisp does not appear to believe in love, nor in any other sort of relationship that links one person to another.
Smart? Yes. Funny? I laughed again and again and again. Well written? Very much so. Words to live by? Hmmm. Maybe, if you want to exit the cantina, alone, without a scratch.
November 21, 2019
Having recently read Sebastian Horsley, who is hugely indebted to Crisp both for the witticism that he stole and (probably) the idea of making himself an artificial persona (a sort of 'bad boy' Crisp), I returned to this book to see remind myself how manners should be really be applied which he does in a gently amusing and witty manner, where, his sentences "get all dressed up to create a pleasing impression" to lubricate social situations to keep everyone at ease.
This, almost by definition involves a degree of lying "the basic building block of good manners" (a person has a "hearty appetite" if present or is "greedy" if absent) and he adds the sensible advice that it is better to head potential conflict off via avoidance ("prune your social garden") or tact and forbearance.
Crisp is well known for his dim view of relationships in general but, seemingly extracted in the main from his stage show Q and A's with the audience, he attempts to demonstrate how manners can improve relationships between the sexes both prior and post the beastliness (with two backs),
A few people have criticized his views on feminism, as he writes of 'liberation' making women more aggressive and less 'refined'. I think he means to imply (and perhaps he says it elsewhere) that women have just chosen a poor role model to aspire to, especially as he goes on to say that many men have reacted against sexual equality by emphasizing the old tropes of traditional 'masculinity' and thus abetting in the lowering of manners. In any case, this is a book written in the mid 1980s (Crisp was born in 1908) so we can be a bit forgiving of his thoughts in this area.
Crisp emphasizes that the use of manners is not to present a snobbish attitude or attempt to belittle them and suggests that that these principles can be further extended into the non-verbal world such as architecture and public services; "if one build an environment for human beings which carelessly adds one frustration to another, then no matter how majestic it looks, or how astronomical the cost, those human beings will resent it, hate it, deface it and some may even try to destroy it".
Such observations seems as pertinent today as it was then and thus I highly recommend this book.
This, almost by definition involves a degree of lying "the basic building block of good manners" (a person has a "hearty appetite" if present or is "greedy" if absent) and he adds the sensible advice that it is better to head potential conflict off via avoidance ("prune your social garden") or tact and forbearance.
Crisp is well known for his dim view of relationships in general but, seemingly extracted in the main from his stage show Q and A's with the audience, he attempts to demonstrate how manners can improve relationships between the sexes both prior and post the beastliness (with two backs),
A few people have criticized his views on feminism, as he writes of 'liberation' making women more aggressive and less 'refined'. I think he means to imply (and perhaps he says it elsewhere) that women have just chosen a poor role model to aspire to, especially as he goes on to say that many men have reacted against sexual equality by emphasizing the old tropes of traditional 'masculinity' and thus abetting in the lowering of manners. In any case, this is a book written in the mid 1980s (Crisp was born in 1908) so we can be a bit forgiving of his thoughts in this area.
Crisp emphasizes that the use of manners is not to present a snobbish attitude or attempt to belittle them and suggests that that these principles can be further extended into the non-verbal world such as architecture and public services; "if one build an environment for human beings which carelessly adds one frustration to another, then no matter how majestic it looks, or how astronomical the cost, those human beings will resent it, hate it, deface it and some may even try to destroy it".
Such observations seems as pertinent today as it was then and thus I highly recommend this book.
February 4, 2014
I'm on a path to reading all of Quentin Crisp's books, and I often find myself quoting him daily. In fact, many of Sebastian Horsley's one-liners are found in this book. "This is what manners are: a way of getting what you want without appearing to be an absolute swine-- or at least a way of getting something of what you want without giving total offense to other people." "Manners from Heaven" describes the more important lesson of how to get along with the world and avoid dichotomies where there need be none.
"The lie is the basic building block of good manners." Crisperanto is the art of speaking with such guile, subtlety and duplicity that an opponent never knows what seduced him. "In order to propose a crash course on Crisperanto, you will need a copy of Machiavelli's The Prince and a good dictionary: now let us pry." Every dandy should own this book. If not to at least learn how to whip out a silk scarf and flap goodbye to an ex-lover.
"The lie is the basic building block of good manners." Crisperanto is the art of speaking with such guile, subtlety and duplicity that an opponent never knows what seduced him. "In order to propose a crash course on Crisperanto, you will need a copy of Machiavelli's The Prince and a good dictionary: now let us pry." Every dandy should own this book. If not to at least learn how to whip out a silk scarf and flap goodbye to an ex-lover.
August 17, 2012
I finally finished Quentin Crisp's "Manner From Heaven." I tended to disagree with most of what he had to say. Crisp dislikes the prescriptive rules of etiquette, as he says they tend to reinforce class distinctions and make certain people feel superior and others inferior. (This is precisely one of the reasons I like them!)
He advocates instead what he calls "good manners," which involve bending over backwards not to hurt anybody's feelings ever, no matter how monstrous they are. (I, on the other hand, believe there are many people well worth offending, and I don't hold human beings in any sort of sentimental fondness.) He claims his system will result in social leveling, and everyone being equal and being kind to one another. He further claims his system adapts to changing times. None of these things appeal to me.
He advocates instead what he calls "good manners," which involve bending over backwards not to hurt anybody's feelings ever, no matter how monstrous they are. (I, on the other hand, believe there are many people well worth offending, and I don't hold human beings in any sort of sentimental fondness.) He claims his system will result in social leveling, and everyone being equal and being kind to one another. He further claims his system adapts to changing times. None of these things appeal to me.
December 1, 2016
As far as I can tell, this is the best man on the planet as of yet, and he died a few years ago. He kept his number listed, which I took advantage of. Harsh, gentle, loving, sharp, never cruel. This is pure god stuff. The flip side of american suspicion of strangers.
April 19, 2022
The heavy hand of a commercially minded editor is found meddling in every chapter of this text, clearly encouraging Crisp to favour an instructive approach which would sell better. Ironically, it is the moments where Crisp indulges his personal reflections on gender, societal change and human nature which are the strongest here. Contrastingly, the 'tips and tricks' which impose themselves on this text are lacklustre and unnatural, despite their commercial appeal. Due to the omnipresence of the latter, 'Manners from Heaven' feel hollow and the author's vision seems diluted, detracting from the quality of this piece.
August 8, 2018
Although published in the mid-80s, this book has held up well and anyone who reads it will surely enjoy it! This is a book the world needs now! Thank heaven for Quentin Crisp.
November 28, 2024
While probably enlightened for its time, Crisp's book seems quite dated now. Some parts are still enjoyable, but it is more of a "time capsule" than current guide.
June 7, 2023
For a book written in 1984, it should be read by all today! A man of colourful flamboyance and effeminate ways he has some powerful advice for living compassionately. He admits he was on the receiving end of much hostility in his younger days and I feel this has been the foundation of his Divine Guide to Good Behaviour. I must try and think twice before saying anything from now on.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews