My Three-Year-Old is a Barbarian and Other Parenting Problems

by Aaron Frale

Necromantic rituals, murderous ogres, battle-scarred not a typical Saturday detention for unsuspecting teaching assistant, Petra, and her delinquent teen charges.

The Beaverton High School Breakfast Club show up for what they thought would be cleaning the locker room with a toothbrush when the morning goes horribly wrong, and they fall victim to a deadly, dark spell.

Some jerkwad moon mage shoves the consciousness of Petra’s three-year-old into the body of a musclebound barbarian, and she is transformed into a halfling. The kids get stuck as a cleric, fire mage, and other stalwarts of your typical fantasy gaming party.

Now they must quest through a land of pissed-off warriors, angry giants, a pompous vampire, and a necromancer out to kill Petra and her child.

Despite being in a world where everything threatens to shuffle off her mortal coil, the hardest part is convincing a hulked-out man that the battle axe is not a toy, the undead are not cuddly, and he should use the potty.

Genres: Fantasy, Magic

322 pages, Paperback

Published July 16, 2023

About the author

Aaron Frale writes Science Fiction, Horror, and Fantasy usually with a comedic twist. Time Burrito is the audience favorite. He also hosts the podcast Aaron’s Horror Show and screams and plays guitar for the prog/metal band Spiral. He lives with his wife, his son, and two cats in the mountains of Montana.

Reviews

[Athena (OneReadingNurse) · Rating 4 out of 5]

So weird, so funny, great narrator

Thanks to the author for the audible code, thoughts to come!

[Colleen Villasenor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many people with toddlers will feel like their 3-year-old is a barbarian but in this book, a spell causes a group of high school students and their teenage mom teacher's assistant to swap bodies with a troupe of heroes from a magical realm. As a result, the teenage mom finds herself in the body of a halfling while her three-year-old is in the giant body of a barbarian. While they navigate the problems of a magical, monster-infested medieval world, the real heroes now inhabit the teenagers' bodies in a world that includes high school and confused parents, but no access to magic. They must survive long enough to figure out how to return to their world. This is a book of dark humor where side characters generally have a very short life expectancy. It is the first in a series with a lot more adventure and trouble to look forward to.

[Cathy Brockman · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a high fantasy time travel about a group of highschool seniors, a teacher, a TA and her 3 year old that gets caught up in the teacher's. Nefarious scheme as a necromancer.
The story is full of action, many twists and turns and I guess you'd call it a cliff hanger of sorts ending. This particular mission ends but something happens to pull us into another possible story

I liked all the characters and the actual plot. There is a lot of humor, and twists and action.
My only issue is that the main characters switch bodies so you have the same characters in two worlds, each trying to get home and one set trying to survive. There were just so many characters and two sets with same names that it got a bit confusing for me.
The premise though was really good and who doesn't love a three year old barbarian king! Lol

[Mionne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sinon, tout est dans le résumé. le ton est donné. C'est incroyablement absurde et débile, et c'est pour ça que ça fonctionne. Honnêtement c'est une histoire très simple avec des personnages drôles et stupides (parfois trop) qui contient pas mal de références de JDR.

Le coup du gamin dans le corps du barbare rend la chose plus cocasse encore. Finalement, un enfant imprévisible dans un corps gigantesque est plus dangereux qu'un nécromancien avide de vengeance..

J'ai lu ça parce que j'ai gagné le livre, et j'ai passé un bon moment. L'écriture est simple et s'adapte bien à l'histoire finalement.
C'est léger.

Si vous voulez de la fantasy légère qui ne prend pas la tête, vous pouvez y aller sans soucis !

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was SO much fun to read and I nearly spat out my tea on a few occasions!

As the title suggests, there's a wee tot stuck in a barbarian's brick outhouse of a body, and his (poor) mum's in a halfling's figure. God knows it's hard enough to control a three-year-old anyway, but when mum and toddler's physiques vary quite so enormously as this, there's great laughs to be found. Unfortunately, people are trying to kill them, but when the toddler wields a battleaxe that he thinks is a fun toy, they're not going to get it easy, are they? Loved it!

Book two is also out today so you don't need to wait! :)

[Laurie Robertson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not sure what genre this one is. Humorous Horror Fantasy sums up most of this engaging story. You have to read it to understand it, but it is a straightforward entertaining read as the multiple characters struggle to understand their dilemma and search for a way back home.

[Mostly Sapphic Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny. I listened to this on audiobook, and I’d definitely recommend it. The narrator is great at voices and really enhances the experience.

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Both the title and the premise sounded fun, but unfortunately, this was not really my type of humor. And the story itself didn't always make sense because of pacing issues and unclear worldbuilding.

[Chuck · Rating 3 out of 5]

DNF at 25%

[SarahLou · Rating 1 out of 5]

Cool title, cool premise, execution was not my vibe.

This is a comedy body-swap portal fantasy involving a high school teacher, a bunch of students in detention, a teachers aid and her three-year-old son - and a quest through the fantasy land of Carnt to figure out how to get back.

I struggled through the first ~35% of the book, mostly because the writing style and humour are not for me, and there wasn't a single character that I liked or was rooting for. The second half definitely flowed better. I started enjoying the humour more even though some of it still didn't hit. And I started to like two of the side characters, Tim and Corwin. I wish there was a little more character growth during the story rather than just in the epilogue and there wasn't a lot of interpersonal character relationship moments. It would have been great especially to see some bonding moments between Jonathan and Petra (the three year old Barbarian and his mother) for example, rather than Jonathan's entire character basically being "ooh, look, a distraction!". Most of the characters are fairly one-dimensional and fit into a single personality beat. I also found the pacing a bit off.

Having said all that, the comedy and humour is a big drive for this book, and if it's the kind of humour you enjoy and want a fun no-thoughts easy kind of read, I'm sure this would go down a treat.

[Frank · Rating 4 out of 5]

"My Three-Year=Old Is A Barbarian and Other Parenting Problems" by Aaron Frale is an expansive, humorous tale of body-swapping, magic, mayhem, and mythic settings. A group of teenagers, a teacher, and the teacher's son are transported magically into another dimension where magic, trolls, fae, and other mythical beings exist. Not all teens are transferred into bodies of the same sex with varying magical and athletic capabilities. The most significant change is that the three-year-old gains the body of a heroic barbarian who the local populace idolize. The groups must undertake a quest against an evil necromancer. The challenges are many each punctuated with humous quips and manic situations. This is a very enjoyable, quick read that leads to laughs and groans.