Even If He Doesn't: What We Believe about God When Life Doesn’t Make Sense

by Kristen LaValley, Carlos Whittaker (Foreword)

How can I approach God if I’m struggling to believe in His goodness?So much of our belief can be formulaic. We often think that if we do A, B, and C, then God will do X, Y, and Z. We check things off the “Good Christian Checklist,” trusting we’ll be okay, and our trials will be minimal. But when our experiences inevitably deviate from that belief, our trust in God often crumbles. After a series of life-altering trials--including a devastating diagnosis--uncovering faith in the cracks of pain is something Kristen LaValley knows well.In Even If He Doesn’t, Kristen her vulnerable and honest storyunpack the nuances of suffering and faith, holding space for the tension between the tworeveal how engaging the gentleness and grace of Christ in our suffering offers a surprising path to healingremind us that when our belief is reduced to a formula, we rob ourselves of a faith that’s enriched by suffering, not crippled by itThose in the midst of heartache will find strength and renewal as Kristen approaches the complexity of suffering with compassion, guiding us to endure while not forsaking the joy, hope, and peace of those marked by Jesus.

Genres: Nonfiction, Christian, Faith, Christianity, Audiobook, Christian Living, Theology

210 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 20, 2024

About the author

Kristen LaValley is a writer and storyteller whose words offer a refreshing perspective on faith and spirituality and resonate with those who carry tension in their faith. She offers insights that intersect doubt and belief, hope and suffering, beauty and heartache. With a deep love for the Christian faith and a willingness to explore its complexities, Kristen's writing offers nuanced conversations that challenge readers to think deeply and wrestle with important questions. Kristen lives in Massachusetts with her husband, Zach, and their five children.

Reviews

[Abby Bauman Hess · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good.

If you have suffered— read this and find courage. If you haven’t suffered— please read this and find deep compassion for those who have and the version of you that someday will.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't even know how to articulate what I'm feeling. So, so many good thoughts, reminders and things we should be doing to help those hurting. I cried through a lot of this book. The Lord used her words to be a balm for my hurting heart. Even if he doesn't, God is still good. "Even If", has been my saying for years. I really loved how authentic the author was.

[Kendall Schewitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Been listening to this and I’m devastated it’s over. Kristen LaValley has seen her fair share of suffering and grief and it caused her to rethink her theology of suffering. She speaks so candidly and honestly about the ways that Christian community can support those who are suffering and doesn’t shy away from the reality of the ways we’ve gotten it all wrong and caused deep hurt for people who are already deeply hurting. I took about 12 pages of notes of wise things she said but here’s how she tied it up at the end—

“We don’t have to tie things up with a pretty bow to make sure we’re presenting god in the best light. We don’t have to justify our heartbreak to prove that god is still good. We don’t have to find the target for it so it’ll make sense. We don’t have to defend Gods goodness by dismissing the pain of our experiences. We can be honest about what we’re feeling/experiencing and it won’t dull any of God’s glory. He’s good even when things are bad. He’s merciful when we don’t deserve mercy. He loves us without condition or restriction

We might have to live in the company of pain but we also live with cure for it and all around us— Christ in me and I in him. We are never apart from him”

The distortion: we must always suffer well and that means masking our grief with gratitude
The shift: God can handle our pain

[Graham Gaines · Rating 5 out of 5]

2025: I stand by what I said originally when I read this and reviewed it. The end of the book ministered in an unexpected way this time. You'll have to ask me about it though lol.

It may be the best book on suffering I've read. Maybe

2024: Gosh this is a good book. It is a beautiful and brutal story. This book is packed full of theology that works in the trenches of life.

I believe I am better for having read this book, and not just in a "oh cool I have more knowledge now" kinda way, but in a "oh this is changing the way I view and interact with God and faith" kinda way.

I'd ✨maybe✨ put this up there with Gentle and Lowly with how it did that for me.

More people should read this book!

[Lauren Lawrence · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I don’t agree with everything (or maybe I’m still figuring out what I believe about suffering), this book has been a balm and a comfort to me after having lost my brother. Kristen verbalizes so much of what has gone on in my mind and heart since losing him and she has reminded me of the stability of Christ even when my life is anything but stable. She has put words to frustrations I have surrounding some peoples’ responses to pain and the desperation to attach meaning or lessons to such horrible loss. In the end, I have Christ. That is all, and that is enough.

[Tanya Knepp · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read through this book once very quickly, and once much slower, with interruptions. The fact that I was willing to read a non fiction book twice says something. I am always a little worried when I read books about suffering, because so many of them are so very bad. Thankfully this was not one of those. It gave me courage to think about suffering and the "even if he doesn'ts" of my life in light of who God is, and I would definitely recommend to friends asking questions about God when difficult things are happening. You might not agree with everything, as I did not, but it might be a gentle voice in the middle of a church strangely silent on suffering.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read parts of this through teary eyes. I saw myself in some of the author’s stories, and in other parts I got insight on how to support my friends who are in the middle of their own pain/mess/grief.
God is not scared of our pain or our anger at pain. I think there is holy lamenting and holy dancing.

[Natalie Burgess · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve followed Kristen’s writing for a few years now, so I was expecting this book to be more of a deep dive into the theology of suffering & grief in the Christian faith, but Kristen intentionally does not take that approach here. Instead, she writes anecdotally, feeling more like you’re having a conversation with a friend about hard topics rather than reading a dissertation on “why bad things happen to good people” or listening to a sermon about how “God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers.” The last 3 chapters are the shining stars, but this entire book is a good challenge to unlearn some of the harmful theology & lies we tell ourselves about God to explain away ours &/or others’ pain.

[Linda Coblentz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kristin is a kind, gentle author who knows pain of varying circumstances. This book is pure grace given to those with gaping wounds, aching hearts, and bruised spirits. Her firm, unwavering statements about who God is and what He will or will not do is beautiful and refreshing.
Why do we suffer?
What do we DO with the pain?
What do I hold on to when everything I’ve ever believed no longer holds true?
Kristin doesn’t ignore the hard questions, and she doesn’t list the answers. She doesn’t give trite platitudes and expects us to pull ourselves together and duct tape our faith so it’s presentable again. She points us to Jesus again, and again, and again.
I had to write whole paragraphs, some two at a time, because there aren’t quick statements that sum up what faith in suffering looks like, and I deeply appreciate that.
But let me try to quote one favorite section:
“…our worship isn’t in the value of the great things we do with our pain, it’s in the act of pouring it out. The target of our pain isn’t in the meaning we can extract from it. It’s Jesus. In becoming the target of our pain, Jesus absorbs our suffering for us, not so we could avoid it entirely, but to give us a cure for it. The work of the cross didn’t just create an antidote we get when we die. His death and resurrection give us the freedom to live in abundance -joy, peace, and hope- even while we’re still on the earth, even while we still suffer.”
I look forward to my in-hand copy. arriving later this month.

[Andrea Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ohhhh my goodness.... What a book! Even if He doesn't, was such a breath of fresh air... beautiful, broken, and sweet story... Watching it all unfold on social media was only the tiniest glimpse of what the Lord orchestrated. I was so excited to read the rest of the story...and I got so much more.

[Whitney Dziurawiec · Rating 3 out of 5]

The last few chapters were better than the first part of the book. The first chunk felt a bit trite and cliche and honestly I only kept going because I trust the author based on her Instagram. I feel like she was trying to push back against the evangelical theologies of suffering of the day but in my opinion she didn't push as far as I anticipated her to? Only some parts of this would have actually been helpful to me while I was in the midst of some of my greatest heartache and I was left wondering exactly what she was talking about in the abstract looked like while she suffered. I do think some of it would be helpful and freeing to some who are still in a more rigid, "count it all joy when suffering" framework. But I've abandoned that years ago 😂 Best chapter was on how to walk alongside someone who is suffering.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked how this author dismantled some ways the church, in recent times has mishandled grieving, as well as some untrue ideas about God and how He sees us (prosperity gospel, etc). She made very valid points from her own experience, other authors, and the Bible.

[Abby Hamm · Rating 5 out of 5]

I appreciated the way this author addressed suffering. It was both trauma-informed and theologically aware, lending comfort and relief to me as a physical, emotional, and spiritual being. I felt acknowledged and encouraged as I read this book and saw my own thought processes during hard seasons. Highly recommend for any Christian, especially those in a debilitating season or those walking with someone else through hardship. It creates space for real conversations and tough questions surrounding our suffering.


“Sometimes we fancy ourselves as God's publicity agents, leveraging suffering for a divine marketing moment. "Look at what this good thing will mean for your image, God! Look how many people will believe in you if you do this!"... We assume God can only be glorified if the outcome lands in our favor... Will God still be glorified in this if things don't go our way? What if... he doesn't? Because sometimes he doesn't.”

“When we're obsessed with finding the purpose for everything, we're seeking comfort in the purpose rather than the comfort of Christ.”

“Grief reveals to us how ill-equipped we are on our own to process and handle our pain. It makes our spirits and our bodies feel broken and weak. But it's in our weakness that the strength of Christ is made perfect.”

“When our image of God is dependent on things going the way we believe they should, our image of him is centered on us, not on him. But true faith isn’t believing God is good just because we have proof of it. Faith is believing that he’s good even when we don’t have proof.”

“We have human bodies. We have human minds. We are subject to those limitations, and outside a supernatural miracle, some wounds don’t heal until we are joined with Christ in glory. In order to live our inescapably human lives, we have to make peace with suffering.”

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kristen has been one of my favorite online writers for nearly a decade and her first book did not disappoint. She speaks with so much grace and compassion, while also turning age-old lies about grief and pain completely upside down. Her words are sure to be a breath of fresh air to so many that are hurting. I appreciate Kristen using her own pain to speak life into others.

[Melody]

It feels wrong to low ball a book that is based on someone’s experience of suffering, so I’ll leave the stars out. The author does offer some encouraging thoughts, but I had a really hard time following the teach-y portions of the book. The organization was confusing and the prose was rambling and repetitive.

[Ashton · Rating 4 out of 5]

“The goodness and faithfulness of God are on full display when he does for us what we’ve asked from him, but even if he doesn’t, your faith will enable you to say, ‘He is still good.’”

Every time I glance at this cover or think about the title of this book, I’m reminded of the example of faithfulness we have the privilege of seeing in the book of Daniel. (Actually, I think of the bridge in Shane and Shane’s Burn: “Even if you don’t…”) In Daniel 3, we see three faithful men say to the king, “Our God is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace,” and in the same breath add, “But even if he does not, we will not serve these gods or worship the golden image” (some paraphrasing and added emphasis). These are hard words to utter at times. But they are faith-filled words. I pray that the Lord would continually give me the strength to say, “Even if you don’t…” in my own life.

This was the third book I’ve read so far this year relating to the theology and experience of suffering as a Christian. I believe each book has embodied what Paul wrote in his second letter to the church in Corinth:

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

This book by Kristen LaValley was no exception. Her vulnerability, honesty and transparency were truly refreshing. As I read her story, I was moved by the ways the Lord continually met her in the midst of the suffering she experienced. I cannot even begin to imagine all of what she walked through, but I’m honored to be let in to a part of it and rejoice in the Lord’s faithfulness to her.

LaValley wrote about how “it was a mercy for God to use [her] circumstances to change the way [she] viewed him.” And that, honestly, was a piece I found myself nodding along to. Elisabeth Elliot titled a book on suffering (one of the ones I read earlier this year), Suffering Is Never for Nothing. I cling to that truth because, well, I believe it. God has a particular way of using our circumstances for… our… good. And I truly see the reflections of God’s beauty, mercy and grace in the “cracks” of LaValley’s life (a reference to a mention of kintsugi in the book).

When discussing the false view of God “trading” our sorrow for joy, LaValley says, “When scripture talks about God turning our mourning into dancing, it isn’t about trading a bad thing for a good thing. It isn’t a transaction that requires us to hand over our grief in return for God’s joy. He doesn’t exchange our mourning; he transforms it.” For those of us who find ourselves in places of long-suffering or grief, it’s actually more encouraging that God transforms our mourning and uses our mourning for his own glory and our own good—exactly as he did for LaValley. And now, guess what? She is channeling the comfort she received from the Lord—the joy she received from God—to “comfort those who are in… affliction.” If not only but for the grace of God.

One thing in particular that stood out to me in LaValley’s story is the way people interacted with her as she walked through immense pain. She reflects on how Christians are supposed to respond to those in need. I found this both convicting and encouraging. Convicting because it prompted me to consider how I engage with those who are suffering. And encouraging because I was able to, by the grace of God, write the names of numerous people in the margins, praising God for the ways those individuals pursued me and loved me in times of crisis—not trying to preach to me or change my mind, but by simply sitting with me and loving me. LaValley discusses this at length, even referring to the story of Job and how she wishes she had friends like he did. (I’ll let you read the book to learn more about her position here.)

I have a mantra that I produced and shared with a friend when I was in a season of personal crisis: We should weep with those who weep, not preach to those who weep. I think there’s value in reminding someone who they are and whose they are in Christ, but I think there’s also value in reflecting the love of the One who is Love by weeping with them and walking alongside them in their darkest hours. Lord, help us in the way we love and care for one another.

At the beginning of one of the chapters, LaValley includes a quote by Howard Thurman. It reads:

“Whatever may be the tensions and the stresses of a particular day, there is always lurking close at hand the trailing beauty of forgotten joy or unremembered peace.”

Lord, help us to remember.

Much like the previous two books I read on suffering this year, I was reminded once again that this world is not our home. There’s a deep longing I find that surfaces when reflecting on my own—or someone else’s—suffering: a longing for our eternal home. May Christ Jesus come quickly.

This is a word vomit, so I apologize. But I really did enjoy this book. I’m excited to discuss this more over the next month or so.

(This review is brought to you by Graham Gaines.) :)

[Judah Cooper · Rating 5 out of 5]

This may be the best book I have read this year. Kristen writes in a very readable, engaging manner, yet she shares so many thoughts that were just so profound yet so biblically true.

This book immediately becomes one of my most recommended books for other Christians who are struggling.

I was so so so encouraged through her work.

[Genevieve · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book attacking the platitudes Christians like to say when someone else is suffering.

[Sarah]

This isn't a proper review because I didn't get far into the book. I was bothered by some uses of God's name that felt a lot like taking it in vain but could have been actual cries to God, but the context didn't make it clear.
However, the main reason I stopped is because I realized this book just wasn't for me. It might be good for beginners, but I found myself raising my eyebrows, wondering how in the world this woman had avoided challenges in life for so long. I found the wisdom shared at the beginning seemed shallow.
Maybe the book gets better. Maybe it is fantastic. Maybe a lot of the things I didn't like were explained and had a purpose. However, I had too many books I was eager to read more of the book.

[AJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

At first, I thought this was going to be a regular blah blah book on how to stay faithful when everything hits the fan. You know, the ABC's on managing your pain and choosing joy and being faith filled when your world is falling apart. To stay shiny in Christianity all the while.

I was wrong. This author dove deeper. She gave her own story and the reality of mental health struggle after traumatic suffering. She gave permission to grieve and see God differently when hurt and harmed by Christian community and real life grief of a crisis pregnancy. 😔 there's enough here to help heal and to feel accepted and loved even when God doesn't deliver.

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 ⭐️
I was already familiar with Kristen's story and writing, so this was an obvious must-read from the moment I heard about it.
Have you suffered? This book is for you.
Do you know someone that is currently suffering? This book is for you.
Kristen doesn't shy away from any of the big questions. She addresses
•Why does suffering happen
•How should we respond to the suffering of others
•What can we know for certain when tragedy shakes everything upside down
... and more. My copy is filled with underlines, and I'll be returning to it. Her chapter about compassion was especially powerful.

[Savannah Lynch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written book on what it means to suffer and to experience it in the full range of human emotions as a Christian- even if that experience includes doubts and questions and re-working (misguided) theology. The author writes in a captivating style as she weaves her own story of suffering into the narrative. Each chapter includes “a distortion” and “the shift” to help the reader correct potentially unhelpful beliefs that could hinder their healing or how they interact with others who suffer. Highly recommend!

[Chrissy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wasn’t sure what to expect from this book but WOW! It was incredibly impactful in my growing theology of suffering. Really solid thoughts on how to respond to suffering as a Christian, and how to respond to sufferers as a fellow saint. I’ll be returning to this one in the future.

[Heidi Chiavaroli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully told and authentic, filled with wisdom and insight. I loved Kristen's honesty surrounding the topic of suffering in a believer's life. Highly recommend.

[Lily · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I had the physical copy, half of it would be highlighted! Suffering is a hard topic to read about whether you've been through a lot of it or not, and knowing how we as Christians are "supposed to deal with it" is not easy! Kristen shared her story beautifully and I am thankful she wrote this book.

[Alison Peachey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed listening to the audio version to hear the author tell her own story. Right book at the right time. 👌🏼

[Rebekah · Rating 4 out of 5]

[Audiobook] I SOBBED my way through this book and teared up and perpetually had my bottom lip sticking out as I drove around in my car with my emotions going haywire. It was SUCH a good book!

This is a beautifully raw and vulnerable book dealing with the pain of life and how we reconcile that with a good God and what to do when our faith changes. If you are in a state of raw, screaming pain, if you are wondering "where is God?", this is a book for you.

That being said, this probably should not be the only book you read while struggling with what to do with pain. LaValley's words are like a warm, non-judgemental hug and that is definitely needed. However, as pleasant and comforting and soothing and assuring as her hug is, I wanted some more support for some of her arguments.

[Grace · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is honest and uplifting regarding personal suffering and being there for others in their times of suffering. I think every Christ follower should read it.

[Emily Werger · Rating 5 out of 5]

To quote Larry the Cucumber, "I laughed, I cried. It moved me Bob!" This book was exactly what I had been needing. Kristen is wise and so funny as she walks you through her experience with despair and disappointment and faithfulness. As someone who has had her fair share of hurt and unanswered prayers this book was an immense comfort to me. It's equipped me to view God through a clearer lens. I know now, how to sit with people going "through it". I know so many people I'm going to throw this book at and beg them to read it.
I already feel so blessed. I am filled with gratitude for the journey this book brought me on. Thank you Kristen for writing this.

[Kyleigh Dunn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Even if He Doesn’t is ultimately a book about knowing God in our suffering. There are numerous subtopics Kristen LaValley broaches as well, but the three main points are
1) crisis reveals our false perceptions of God and helps us see his true character more clearly,
2) Seeking comfort in Christ and his presence is more important than having a reason or purpose for suffering, and
3) Suffering well happens when we suffer with others, that is, when those around us are willing to engage with us and not pull away, and when we lean into community instead of shrinking back into ourselves.

In the process, Kristen busts myths about hardship being caused by sin, suffering being proof that we’re in God’s will, and other formulaic attempts at explaining suffering.

This book mirrors much of my own journey during and after severe postpartum depression, and the questions I had about suffering and where God was in my pain. It was also a timely read after spending a while discussing theology “in via” (along the way) in a recent seminary theology class. We often throw shade on changing theology, but since we are finite creatures seeking to understand an infinite God, our theology will change and grow as we know him more and more deeply and truly—and Kristen’s book is a great example of how to do this in a healthy way. Each chapter is helpfully wrapped up with a “distortion/shift” section which distills many of her great quotes and comments into succinct points.

Missing was *how* to discern what are false perceptions and what is the true character of God. This could have just been a sentence on the importance of the Word of God and community to make sure we're rightly understanding what the Bible says about God, but I think it's important to say what our standard is when we're separating perception from truth (though also acknowledging that authorities twisting Scripture can make this extra difficult for some).

Still, it's an excellent book and I highly recommend it.