Please Stop Trying to Leave Me

by Alana Saab

A debut novel about love, family, queerness, and losing your mind in the modern world marks the arrival of a truly original, haunting voice in fiction who will make you laugh, cry, and scream, all in the same breath.

In the midst of god sending her signs through Instagram and Spotify telling her to break up with her girlfriend, twenty-seven-year-old Norma meets a new therapist for one she really needs to write again. With only one story left to finish her collection, Norma is desperate for an should she leave her girlfriend in order to finish her manuscript?

When her new therapist diagnoses her with depersonalization/derealization disorder, Norma insists she doesn't have it’s just Oblivion, the thing that started happening to her when she was two and a half. Haunted by SSRI side effects, her girlfriend’s kindness, her father’s incessant calls, and a world that becomes less hazily fictional by the day, Norma has never felt crazier. And whenever she attempts to write The Last Story, Norma is faced with the reality and unrealities of her past, the society she lives in, and everything that she’s ever believed about life, writing, and love. Against the backdrop of climate change, racial injustice, Google ads, and the metaverse, Norma begins sharing other stories, hoping that they'll help her connect the dissociative dots once and for all. Maybe it's crazy not to be crazy in a place like this. And in the midst of it all is Norma's girlfriend, who may well be an answer in Norma's search for meaning.

Told alternately through Norma's barely fictional fiction and through her crackling stream of consciousness, Please Stop Trying To Leave Me is an honest, comedic, horrifying, and heart-wrenching story about existing in today’s world, challenging all we’ve been taught about the distance between fiction and reality, sanity and insanity, mental illness and healing.

Genres: Fiction, Queer, LGBT, Contemporary, Lesbian, Literary Fiction, Mental Health

416 pages, Paperback

First published June 25, 2024

Reviews

[Hannah Greendale (Hello, Bookworm) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unusual, innovative, and strangely funny.🖤

Check out my 2024 honorable mentions at Hello, Bookworm. 👈



"My therapist says she wants me to start thinking in terms of who is talking. For example, is it you, your derealization, your depression, or your anxiety talking."

Please Stop Trying to Leave Me is an absolute fever dream filled with sharp insights and biting humor. It follows twenty-seven-year-old Norma, who suffers from depersonalization/derealization disorder (which means she feels disconnected from the world as if it's not real). She refers to the pervasive feeling of disconnection as "oblivion" and blames it for her inability to finish writing her manuscript. This prompts her to seek therapeutic help.

We meet Norma during her first session with her new therapist, at the start of her journey toward receiving a diagnosis, processing trauma, and striving to finish her book. Norma opens by telling her therapist that god is using social media to tell her she should break up with her girlfriend, and from there we proceed to tumble down the rabbit hole of her mind.

The story alternates between Norma's therapy sessions (written in stream of consciousness) and short stories from her manuscript (which provide insights into her character). While the story ventures to some very dark places, it's also humorously candid about what it's like to be in therapy (if you know, you know).

There's so much more to this story than initially meets the eye. In addition to being a story about mental illness, Please Stop Trying to Leave Me examines the long-term effects of unexplored trauma, the difficulty of maintaining a healthy relationship when none have been modeled for you, and the challenges of being a writer. It also includes musings on humanity's failings and the future of planet earth. And all of it is cleverly explored in relation to a metaphor about writing and being a character in a book (with Norma asking, Who is writing this story of our lives? Her? Oblivion? God?) This may sound like a lot to include in one novel, but Saab weaves together these varied elements beautifully.

Saab's inventive debut is funny when you least expect it, and it's unlike anything I've ever read. The ending just about broke me (so beautiful!).

👉 Highly recommend if you enjoy dark, experimental fiction.

My heartful thanks to Vintage Books for sending me Alana Saab's book. I was dying to read it and am extremely grateful to have received a gorgeous finished copy. 🥰

--

ORIGINAL POST 👇

How can I be expected to resist this book's allure?📘👀

This debut sounds fantastic! It's about a woman struggling with mental illness while trying to finish her manuscript, so she seeks therapeutic treatment but is "haunted by SSRI side effects and starts feeling even crazier."

The story alone sounds intriguing, BUT THEN the blurb goes on to say that the story is "told alternately through Norma's barely fictional fiction and through her crackling stream of consciousness", and that just sounds right up my alley.

Early reviews are promising. I am oh-so-keen to read this book!

[lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

felt like a fever dream at times, in the best possible way - how else can you write about the horrors and complexities of the modern world? i adore stream of consciousness writing, and thought this was a stunning execution of this. excellent musings on mental health, social crises, queerness, trauma, and philosophy. this made me feel so seen in so many different aspects. i would definitely recommend this to fans of emily austin, even though it's a bit different from her writing style. such a great debut novel!!!

thank you netgalley for the arc!

[Katie B]

I’ve decided not to give Please Stop Trying to Leave Me a star rating because bad timing played a role in why I didn’t completely click with the writing style. It’s very stream of consciousness and I just didn’t have the patience for it right now. Maybe it’s because I’m a bundle of nerves at the moment and getting inside this character’s head was more than I could take on. Norma is in therapy and it can be challenging at times to make sense of what she is truly saying. While there were stretches where I was engaged in the writing, as a whole it was a detached reading experience.

There are many early positive reviews for this one so don’t let me discourage you from reading it. An original debut novel for sure.

Thank you Vintage for sending me an advance copy! All thoughts expressed are my honest opinion.

[kate✰ · Rating 5 out of 5]

new favorite genre is books about weird and haunting women making sense of this dark and ultimately hopeful world

[Bella Jensen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.
Please Stop Trying to Leave Me is, at its core, a story about learning how to live and love through trauma. Norma is the unreliable narrator, who is telling the story through therapy sessions and her novel that she can’t finish. She has a rap sheet of psychological diagnoses and is trying to learn how to overcome them.
I had a hard time reading this and I would definitely recommend looking at content warnings before reading. The main character goes through a myriad of trials that are not easy to read about, nor should they be.
There were times when the writing was very lyrical and poetic and then there were other chapters that I struggled to get through. From my perspective, trauma makes memories and the way you view your life skewed and the author does a great job portraying that.
My favorite story within the novel was Fertile Ashes. The way metaphor is used throughout the book but specifically in this part, is really beautiful and touching.
I was happily surprised by the ending and I think the way it was wrapped up was very well done.
My take away from the book is that even when you feel broken or that your past will only dictate your future, you are still worthy and capable of love. Love should not be conditional or divisive. Love is lunch with friends who ease the burden of anxiety. Love is coming home to find your one in your favorite shirt and being happy to see how good it looks one them. Love is the release from oblivion.

[WickedReading · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Scott Baird (Gunpowder Fiction and Plot)]

Too steam of consciousness for me, too many DFW references (there was 1 when I DNFed). An excellent book for a different reader.

DNF 15%

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Norma, an aspiring queer writing living in New York CIty has a break down and starts to see a therapist where she immediately gets diagnosed with Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder, depression, anxiety and panic attacks and is immediately put on medication.

This book has such amazing and relatable mental health rep and I loved how it's told over a number of months as Norma relates to a series of different therapists how being on the medication is affecting her love life and relationship, the way the state of the world itself is frightening and anxiety-inducing (and frankly she'd be worried if people weren't worried by it).

She also talks a lot about her works in progress and what they look like and eventually shares about past family trauma that no doubt has given her PTSD. Great on audio narrated by a fav of mine, Barrie Kreinik and highly recommended for fans of books like Adelaide by Genevieve Wheeler.

Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early digital copy and @prhaudio for a complimentary ALC in exchange for my honest review!

[Mandy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and Vintage Anchor Books for an advanced digital copy of Please Stop Trying to Leave Me.

Twenty-seven-year-old Norma suffered a nervous breakdown and is stuck in what she calls, “Oblivion.” Something she has experienced since she was a young girl. But Oblivion isn’t what brings Norma to a new therapist - She needs to write again, The Last Story to complete her manuscript. Should she listen to the supposed signs telling her to break up with her girlfriend? Will that help her finish her writing?

The line between fiction and reality becomes blurred, along with mental illness and state of mind while exploring the past. These pages bounce between Norma’s manuscript and therapy sessions, both of which are beautifully crafted. I love slow-burn, character-driven novels where you feel like you’re inside the mind of the narrator - And this reads like a lyrical stream of consciousness. Her unraveling became my unraveling, and I began to carry her trauma in my heart. The ending to this story is what truly got me.

I was thoroughly impressed with this debut novel as it encompassed a wide scope of topics and emotions. Family, love, relationships, mental health, trauma, societal issues and more that will take you on a rollercoaster ride of laughter, tears, and heartache. It was messy and realistic in a number of ways. You could tell that the author has a background in psychology AND is a very gifted writer. This was a bit reminiscent of Carmen Maria Machado’s In the Dream House (the prose and skillful writing).

**Possible content warnings: abuse, suicide, self-harm, depression, anxiety, trauma, depersonalization, disassociation.

[Death · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to publisher and Netgalley for providing me with an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

This book is a very raw look at mental health and trauma written in the style of a stream of consciousness narrated during the main character's therapy sessions interspaced with short stories.

The narrative style can take a while to get into and the book is somewhat of a slow build, but is rather engrossing once you get into it.

As mentioned before, this book is a very raw look at trauma, so it might be worth for some readers to look up the content warnings. It delves into how trauma irrevocably affects the lives of survivors and there is no clear way to be rid of it, and that even knowing the cause of trauma can't always explain people's actions. All we can really do is move forward, learn to live despite of it, and choose love.

That's where the book leaves the reader, and I think it's very apt.

Overall, Please Stop Trying to Leave Me is an unflinching look at learning to cope with severe mental health issues and learning to live despite all the horrors of the modern world. If mental health narratives and books like Emily Austin's work are something that you are interested in, I recommend picking this up.

[Katie Murphy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the ARC!

This is one of my favorite ARCs I’ve read in 2024 so far. Can’t get over the stream of
consciousness writing which I love. It reminded me of Emily Austin's writing but with more focus on therapy and disassociation. It was hilariously awkward.
Recommend if you want that weird/sad girl lit fic. Also grab if you feel awkward in therapy even though you know you need it

[Maya Simms · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really boring and was all over the place.

[gracie · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an absolute fever dream.

In 'Please stop trying to leave me' we follow Norma, a woman who suffers from derealization/depersonalization disorder and as a result is detached from the world. She names this detachment 'Oblivion' and is now seeking therapeutic help because she's convinced it's why she can't finish her manuscript. In the first chapter alone,we see her believing that she's made up her therapist and that's when I knew I was going to love this.

The book is written in a way that seems a mix between a screenplay and a speech-to-text transcript. It was something I found unique and I loved it. The book itself feels like having an anxiety attack. Being in Norma's head, we never slow down for a single minute. The book just keeps going and going and going until the very end and it was amazing.

I loved how Saab weaved in the humorous parts of being in therapy with genuine societal critique while offering insight on the long term side effects of unaddressed mental trauma. And while I'm not usually a fan of most book endings, I liked how this one ended. It was fitting, albeit sad.

[Bethany · Rating 4 out of 5]

Browsing in a bookstore recently, I was drawn to this book's relevant title and lavender spine. I read the back and was delighted to realize it was a queer book. I couldn't remember if I'd come across this book before in my online trawlings, but I decided to buy it and read it without looking it up on goodreads first. (This is my version of making risky choices just to feel something.)

From the back blurb, I thought I might identify with Norma, the protagonist, since she is a writer. I didn't end up identifying with her, in fact; I unfortunately identified with her girlfriend. Or should I say ex-girlfriend. Or should I say girlfriend.

With an unconventional narrative, and a main character who was frustrating, amusing, and worrisome, this was an interesting and unique read. Sometimes I wondered, though, if maybe it was too depressing for my current state. I'm glad I read it, though. The end gave me a lot of feelings... not necessarily about the characters. I had to do some journaling after reading the last 100 pages of this, let's just say that.

This book came to me at the time most relevant for me to get the most out of it, I think.

[J · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a fever dream of a book! Very stream of consciousness, very meta, very unhinged. Like nothing I have read before.

This novel follows Norma and is told through her therapy appointments and her short stories she writes. She has gotten a new therapist after having a mental breakdown which has pushed her into a state of trauma induced dissociation that she calls oblivion (a term I am now going to be using). We listen in on her therapy appointments where she describes seeing signs from god, finding reasons to breakup with her girlfriend, and going on rants that are 1/2 crazy and 1/2 true. It is like sitting next the weirdo on the bus and getting stuck in an oddly spiritual conversation. Very interesting experience and shockingly funny at times!

It does get more and more serious and easier to distinguish the actual plot as time goes on. And in the end we get a beautiful story about love, healing, and patience.

The author has a lot of interesting tactics with her writing. The lack of quotations, the random capitalizations, the characters which are named vs not named. I loved this but also felt like there may be some deeper meanings behind these decisions I’m too dense to understand… who knows? But you may have a good time cracking the codes if literary analysis is your thing? If not (like me) it is still an enjoyable story told in a unique way.

Lastly have to shout out the beautiful cover! Was definitely a big factor in deciding to read this book and I’m glad I was not duped by a pretty cover, there was an equally pretty story within.

[Pim Singhatiraj · Rating 5 out of 5]

I fucking loved this book. A woman reckons with deep rooted trauma in a way I’ve never seen an author tackled, and I really liked it. It felt real. The protagonist turns from unreliable and unlikeable to someone I started to root for. I loved the perspective shift at the end too. An under-utilized way of changing the narration that is difficult to pull off but worked well in this novel. Also, it was wildly funny. Especially in how the protagonist reflects on being rich/a trust fund baby.

[Frishta Yaqubie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Was lucky enough to get an Advanced readers copy of this one. I finished it in two days. To say I was hooked is an understatement. In my opinion: a queer love story with a big take on mental health with just the right amount of social commentary. I laughed and I cried. The ending really got me. Highly recommend this one.

[Bri · Rating 5 out of 5]

so amazing and smart i ADORED this. Like wow i can’t describe this it just must be read. And once it finds its audience it will become their favorite book ever.

thank you to Netgalley and Vintage for the ARC!

[fox · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book hurt my feelings

[Haley M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nothing I can say here will do this book justice, but I think I'll be reading this every 3-5 years for the rest of my life. Saab captures recovery in a way I don't usually get to see. It's ugly and it's really mean, and it fucking sucks. It makes you push away everything you love at the moment you need it most. She puts it all on paper without making the mc pitiable OR a martyr.

I don't know that this book will hit people the same way it hit me, or even if it would hit me the same if I weren't currently in the February of it all. But man. This was the right fuckin book at the right fuckin time.

[Shannon (The Book Club Mom) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking, heavy, and haunting. These are the three words that immediately came to mind after finishing PLEASE STOP TRYING TO LEAVE ME by Alana Saab. This is one of the most unique novels that I’ve read in a while—mostly because of the structure. The reader is in Norma’s world. We spend a lot of time in the main character’s head as she tells her story through therapy sessions and short stories. It’s a 400 page novel, but certainly didn’t feel like it. I inhaled it in just a few days—it reads quite quickly. Norma is erratic, unhinged, and quite the unusual character. One may even label her as an unreliable narrator, and I definitely wouldn’t argue that. Norma’s new therapist has diagnosed her with depression/derealization disorder, and the reader is by her side as she navigates this diagnosis. We witness the weeks of therapy, medication use, and her struggle to finish her manuscript. As she shares bits and pieces of her manuscript, we learn more about her difficult childhood and traumatic past. At first, I wasn’t quite sure about Norma, but she slowly grew on me. You can’t help but feel for this woman and root for her. PSTTLM takes a deep dive into mental illness in this modern world, which I found completely unsettling, moving, and eye-opening. It’s a very impressive and smart debut, indeed. Give it a shot if you’re in the mood for something deep, dark, and profound.

[Alyssa Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5/5. I wanted to love this book so badly, but I just didn’t. As a queer female who has experienced depression and anxiety and is a mental health professional, I thought this book was perfectly up my alley. Unfortunately, I felt the book kept derailing from the main topics at hand making it confusing to read. I LOVED the concept and think that it had so much potential, but every time the story derailed, I was frustrated because I wanted the story to keep going. I also found it hard to root for the main character at times because she was not handling any of this the way someone her age would. Again, I know this character is going through a severe mental health crisis, but she is so resistant to help and change that it is confusing to why she is seeking treatment. Of course there are plenty of people who are scared of therapy and treatment and resistant to it at first, but their want for getting better overpowers all of that. I did not see this with this character at all. It also drove me crazy that the dialogue was not in quotation marks, but maybe that is me just being picky. This book took too long to find the light at the end of the tunnel and I found it hard to keep reading, but I think with some adjustments and focus on the main story, this book could be amazing.

[Mizuki Giffin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have so much to say about this book and I can't stop thinking about it. I was transfixed by the first 100 pages, frustrated and a little bored by the middle 200ish, and then completely swept away by the end. This isn't a funny ha ha unhinged delulu story... this is a book about a character who is deeply unwell, working through significant trauma, and struggling to hold on to reality. I think there's more editing that could have gone into this in terms of structure and format, especially eliminating how self-referential and meta it is, which almost makes the book feel self conscious and took me out of it at times. Regardless, this is a book that's full of heart and life. I buddy read this with Zoe and sent her a literal essay at midnight when I finished, and although we both had a lot to critique about this one, as I said, I just have so much to say. I think any book that stirs up so much thought and discussion is worth something. This is a book I'm glad I read, although I wouldn't recommend it to anyone unless I knew them really well, as I don't think it's one that will work for everyone. This is sitting at a firm 3.5 for me but I'll round it up

[Kyra Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Please Stop Trying to Leave Me follows Norma, a queer writer suffering from depersonalization-derealization disorder—a condition that can cause you to feel estranged from your thoughts, body, and the world around you. Saab uses experimental form to drop us into Norma’s therapy sessions, moments in her life, and her short stories while thoughtfully examining mental health, deep trauma, the challenges of maintaining healthy relationships, climate anxiety, writing, and how social media interferes with our reality. Dark, clever, and surprisingly funny, I really enjoyed this innovative debut!

[Anna Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Going into this book, I knew it would be out of my comfort zone with what I typically read. There was a small learning curve in the first few chapters, but once I wrapped my head around the writing style I couldn’t put this down. I was highlighting passages for the first time in my life??? and these pages will stick with me for a long time. I cannot believe how much this moved me and the ending had me sobbing. What a stunning book. ❤️

[Lan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This may be one of the best books I've read in ages. It exists in a genre of its own and is a tribute to the human experience—to confusion, shame, grief, suffering, love, joy. It shows that there are paths forward after trauma and so much compassion for the sinuous nature of those paths. It is a great reminder that though difficult, we can and must exist with all the conflicting experiences / realities of life, and on top of all of that, it's got humor to match all the heart.

[Caitlin · Rating 2 out of 5]

….what? 3.5 rounded down because I feel like I should have liked this a lot, but mostly I’m just confused.

Edit after reflection - down to 2 stars. I did not ever develop empathy for the main character and this was so hard to follow. I think this style of literary fiction is just not for me.

[J R · Rating 5 out of 5]

This. This is what I love about NetGalley. The chance to see the titles who will be some of the biggest hits of the year. Thanks so much for the arc

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Definitely one of my 2024 faves

[Allison Widder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Creative, haunting, sticks the landing unlike any book I’ve read in a long long time