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It Gets Better... Except When It Gets Worse: And Other Unsolicited Truths I Wish Someone Had Told Me
The irreverent and candid coming-of-age memoir of Nicole Maines: trailblazing trans actress, activist—and sometimes someone who's just existing, which is actually pretty hard!
Nicole Maines knows a little something about a “happily-ever-after.” Not just because she’s a self-professed expert in the Disney princess canon, but also, she’s lived it. After coming out at an early age, her family had not only to educate themselves, but also those around them as they fought and won a landmark court case in the state of Maine before she graduated high school. She got into college, got the guy, and finally had The Surgery™. She then achieved her lifelong goal of becoming an actress when she landed a major role in the CW’s Supergirl, playing television’s very first live action transgender superhero! Cue sappy music and sunsets, because we’ve got ourselves a happy ending, right? Ha! As if. For the first time, in her own words, Nicole tells her story, bringing us on her journey from her childhood in rural Maine to the spotlights of Hollywood, sharing the lessons she’s learned along the way. With clever wit and unflinching honesty, she tackles some of the most insidious messaging absorbed by queer kids and all young women, from the idea that any one thing can (or should) ever really "fix" you, to wondering what's wrong with you when things don't always feel better, and reminding us that, sometimes, a happy ending is only the beginning of the story.
Nicole Maines knows a little something about a “happily-ever-after.” Not just because she’s a self-professed expert in the Disney princess canon, but also, she’s lived it. After coming out at an early age, her family had not only to educate themselves, but also those around them as they fought and won a landmark court case in the state of Maine before she graduated high school. She got into college, got the guy, and finally had The Surgery™. She then achieved her lifelong goal of becoming an actress when she landed a major role in the CW’s Supergirl, playing television’s very first live action transgender superhero! Cue sappy music and sunsets, because we’ve got ourselves a happy ending, right? Ha! As if. For the first time, in her own words, Nicole tells her story, bringing us on her journey from her childhood in rural Maine to the spotlights of Hollywood, sharing the lessons she’s learned along the way. With clever wit and unflinching honesty, she tackles some of the most insidious messaging absorbed by queer kids and all young women, from the idea that any one thing can (or should) ever really "fix" you, to wondering what's wrong with you when things don't always feel better, and reminding us that, sometimes, a happy ending is only the beginning of the story.
214 pages, Hardcover
First published October 15, 2024
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October 10, 2024
As an adult, Maines is a successful actress, but she first made headlines at a far younger age—when she and her family sued the school district to allow Maines to use the bathrooms that fit her gender. Some of that story was told in Becoming Nicole, but (as Maines notes) that book was never really her story: it's her family's story, and maybe especially her father's story from a black-and-white conservative thinker to someone who would fight for his daughter, again and again and on a public stage.
It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse is doing double-duty here: first, it's Maines's story as she wants to tell it rather than a story that is being told about her and her family; second, it's written for a different audience than Becoming Nicole. I highly recommend Becoming Nicole, but I recommend it mostly for adult readers who want a deeper dive into the American landscape of trans rights and family dynamics. It Gets Better... is much lighter and more informal in tone, with plenty of slang and the occasional emoji, and definitely written with a more teen/young adult audience in mind. Your mileage may vary with the voice (I am too much an old and cranky millennial to stomach emojis in books, oh my dear god, I thought we'd finally gotten over people putting "omg" and "lol" in their books, and now this—Gen Z, what am I supposed to do with you), but there's no denying that Maines has a strong voice here, and strong opinions. This feels like a reflection of someone who has had to be so careful for so long and finally feels able to use her voice at full volume, and I'm here for that.
The structure is something like a series of interconnected essays. I typically respond better to memoirs that are less segmented (I'm quite a fast reader, so essays and short stories often feel like they end just as I'm getting into them), especially because some of the chapters here feel more soapbox than story. They're generally quite valid soapboxes, mind, and occasionally the stories Maines tells took my breath away:
My school's response to the bullying was to institute the 'eyes-on' program, just for me, which meant a teacher's aid [sic] was assigned to be my bodyguard each day, and they followed me around school. Not to protect me—I repeat, not to protect me—but to make sure I only used the bathroom they'd assigned to me. They'd follow me from class to class. If I had to use the bathroom during class, the teacher would stop me at the door and tell me I had to wait for whoever was assigned to escort me that day. (loc. 718*)
Overall I'm just happy that this is likely to reach a wide audience—both Supergirl fans and young adults who are interested in LQBTQ+ topics—and that Maine is finally in a place to make decisions for herself. The US is a scary place politically right now, and I hope Maine's voice only gets stronger. Emojis and all.
Thanks to the author and publisher for inviting me to read a review copy through NetGalley.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse is doing double-duty here: first, it's Maines's story as she wants to tell it rather than a story that is being told about her and her family; second, it's written for a different audience than Becoming Nicole. I highly recommend Becoming Nicole, but I recommend it mostly for adult readers who want a deeper dive into the American landscape of trans rights and family dynamics. It Gets Better... is much lighter and more informal in tone, with plenty of slang and the occasional emoji, and definitely written with a more teen/young adult audience in mind. Your mileage may vary with the voice (I am too much an old and cranky millennial to stomach emojis in books, oh my dear god, I thought we'd finally gotten over people putting "omg" and "lol" in their books, and now this—Gen Z, what am I supposed to do with you), but there's no denying that Maines has a strong voice here, and strong opinions. This feels like a reflection of someone who has had to be so careful for so long and finally feels able to use her voice at full volume, and I'm here for that.
The structure is something like a series of interconnected essays. I typically respond better to memoirs that are less segmented (I'm quite a fast reader, so essays and short stories often feel like they end just as I'm getting into them), especially because some of the chapters here feel more soapbox than story. They're generally quite valid soapboxes, mind, and occasionally the stories Maines tells took my breath away:
My school's response to the bullying was to institute the 'eyes-on' program, just for me, which meant a teacher's aid [sic] was assigned to be my bodyguard each day, and they followed me around school. Not to protect me—I repeat, not to protect me—but to make sure I only used the bathroom they'd assigned to me. They'd follow me from class to class. If I had to use the bathroom during class, the teacher would stop me at the door and tell me I had to wait for whoever was assigned to escort me that day. (loc. 718*)
Overall I'm just happy that this is likely to reach a wide audience—both Supergirl fans and young adults who are interested in LQBTQ+ topics—and that Maine is finally in a place to make decisions for herself. The US is a scary place politically right now, and I hope Maine's voice only gets stronger. Emojis and all.
Thanks to the author and publisher for inviting me to read a review copy through NetGalley.
*Quotes are from an ARC and may not be final.
October 16, 2024
Nicole Maines as Nia Nal/Dreamer in Supergirl was a revelation in more ways than one, and I have loved following her on Twitter even as that site slides deeper into the abyss. So when I heard she had a memoir, It Gets Better … Except When It Gets Worse, coming out, of course I needed to read it. Thanks to NetGalley and publisher Dial Press for the eARC.
As the introduction establishes, this is Maines’s story, on her terms and in her (ghostwritten) words. Her story had previously been told by Amy Ellis Nutt in Becoming Nicole, which I haven’t read. Maines doesn’t criticize Nutt or that book too much, simply remarking—correctly—that its perspective is different from her own. It Gets Better … Except When It Gets Worse is raw and unvarnished. In sharing her life up to this point, her ambivalence about being thrust into activism amid pursuing her acting, Maines also takes aim at the expectations we (fans, especially queer fans) put on actors and high-profile activists. In a world where we are eternally expecting inspiration porn, Maines steadfastly refuses to give us our fix. Respect.
The first few chapters are achingly familiar to anyone who has read other trans memoirs: Maines realizing she is a girl at a very young age, her parents grappling with this understanding and its implications not only for her but for her twin brother and their entire family. Fortunately, her parents (particularly her mom, from the beginning) are supportive, fighting for Maines’s rights at school—her first brush with fame was as a plaintiff in a case against a Maine school board over bathroom rights—and even moving to send her to a more inclusive school. The fact that Maines’s childhood experience of transition was so tumultuous in spite of continual parental support only serves to highlight how truly awful it must be for trans kids with less supportive families.
Maines came of age in an interesting time for trans rights, as she herself notes in these chapters. In the beginning her mom really has to search even for the vocabulary to describe what Maines is going through, but by the time Maines is graduating high school, transgender has become a household term. It feels like in the last ten years we’ve gone through this whirlwind of rising awareness, tentative acceptance, and now pernicious backlash, and you feel it reading this book. After fighting for her rights in childhood, Maines’s frustration being right back at square one in her adulthood comes across so strongly here.
The most interesting parts of the book for me were towards the end, as Maines discusses breaking into acting and eventually being cast in Supergirl. I didn’t really know much about how she got into acting. She just showed up one day on my TV, a trans actor playing a trans character, and stole my heart. Nia Nal’s evolution on screen, including the trans rights storylines the show played out, were pivotal in helping me understand and accept I am trans; I literally named myself Kara after the show’s main character (I was well chuffed to learn from this book that Maines did something similar in naming herself after a Zoey 101 character).
It isn’t surprising to hear, in her own words, that Maines struggled with imposter syndrome, etc., while she started acting on the show. I applaud her for being honest about it—there are echoes here of what I read in Anna Kendrick’s memoir this summer. Acting is a far more demanding and destabilizing profession than we often know, and social media and celebrity culture has warped our understanding of what the life of the average actor is like. And this is where It Gets Better … Except When It Gets Worse truly gets interesting.
Maines minces no words in her criticism of the toxic segments of Supergirl fandom: specifically, some shippers who take their OTPs way too seriously. She doesn’t play favourites—from Karamel to Supercorp (the latter being my ship, if I have to pick one, but I am actually kind of happy Kara is alone at the end of the series), each ship has a small but vocal contingent who attacked the cast and crew any time the show didn’t seem to be going their way. I remember this well, even if I was always on the outskirts because I don’t venture places like AO3. The Supergirl hashtags were a good place for community for me on Twitter back in those days, especially around conversation about queerness and queer representation—so it sucks that some fans took things way too far.
But Maines goes even further. On the topic of Dreamer, the original character designed for her, whom she has ported over into the comics and been writing for the past few years, Maines confesses to some frustration with how Dreamer was developed on the show. She wanted a darker, edgier character—and is realizing this in her comic stories (which I haven’t and probably won’t read). For example, there is a notable episode where Dreamer has to take on an anti-trans villain. She nearly kills him, which would be against Supergirl’s code, of course. Maines is like, “Dreamer should have killed him! It makes sense.” And, like, I won’t pretend to agree with that because I happen to like the squeaky-clean approach to justice the CW Supergirl took, in contrast to something like Arrow.
But I love it for Nicole. I love that she sat down to write this book and said (not a direct quote), “Fuck being the good girl, the politic one, the nice trans woman. Fuck being inspirational, feel-good, or positive. Things suck right now, and I want to tell everyone why they suck, and I don’t want to pretend I don’t want to be out for blood.” Maines makes it clear: she wants the freedom to be messy. Some of y’all (especially white cis people) might not realize how subversive this is, but anyone belonging to an underrepresented group in media gets it: the pressure to be well behaved, to be “good,” can be overwhelming at times.
I respect this. We want to lionize people, call them trailblazers, simply for existing—or fighting for the barest sliver of human dignity. I want to call Maines inspirational. I feel an affinity for her, even though I’m older and my experience with transition is incredibly different and I am ace whereas she is incredibly horny on main (and I am here for it). Somehow, her attitude and her outlook resonate with me; this book is no exception. Out of respect to her wishes, however, I’m trying my best not to put her on that pedestal.
So instead I want to say this: It Gets Better … Except When It Gets Worse is a messy book. It refuses to be the feel-good memoir you hope for from a young actor or a trans celebrity. While the ingredients are there—the sad, low moments, and the triumphant ones—Maines doesn’t want to assemble them into a satisfying meal. She wants you to feel unbalanced. She does say she wants trans readers to feel seen (and I do), but she is also exhausted by the political upheaval of the last five years, and she will not hold back. I admire this, and I really appreciate this attempt to short-circuit the narratives around actors and activists like herself.
At various points in reading this, I felt entertained, uplifted, triggered, saddened, shocked, and impressed. In that sense, this is a very human book. Nicole Maines is a trans woman, and a lot of this book is about that—but she’s also a young woman in her twenties, at the start of her adult life and her career, shouting into the void, and this book is also about that. There’s more here than just her thoughts on trans rights and trans life, just as there is more to Maines than Dreamer or being trans or being mouthy on Twitter. I love memoirs that contain multitudes.
Originally posted on Kara.Reviews.
As the introduction establishes, this is Maines’s story, on her terms and in her (ghostwritten) words. Her story had previously been told by Amy Ellis Nutt in Becoming Nicole, which I haven’t read. Maines doesn’t criticize Nutt or that book too much, simply remarking—correctly—that its perspective is different from her own. It Gets Better … Except When It Gets Worse is raw and unvarnished. In sharing her life up to this point, her ambivalence about being thrust into activism amid pursuing her acting, Maines also takes aim at the expectations we (fans, especially queer fans) put on actors and high-profile activists. In a world where we are eternally expecting inspiration porn, Maines steadfastly refuses to give us our fix. Respect.
The first few chapters are achingly familiar to anyone who has read other trans memoirs: Maines realizing she is a girl at a very young age, her parents grappling with this understanding and its implications not only for her but for her twin brother and their entire family. Fortunately, her parents (particularly her mom, from the beginning) are supportive, fighting for Maines’s rights at school—her first brush with fame was as a plaintiff in a case against a Maine school board over bathroom rights—and even moving to send her to a more inclusive school. The fact that Maines’s childhood experience of transition was so tumultuous in spite of continual parental support only serves to highlight how truly awful it must be for trans kids with less supportive families.
Maines came of age in an interesting time for trans rights, as she herself notes in these chapters. In the beginning her mom really has to search even for the vocabulary to describe what Maines is going through, but by the time Maines is graduating high school, transgender has become a household term. It feels like in the last ten years we’ve gone through this whirlwind of rising awareness, tentative acceptance, and now pernicious backlash, and you feel it reading this book. After fighting for her rights in childhood, Maines’s frustration being right back at square one in her adulthood comes across so strongly here.
The most interesting parts of the book for me were towards the end, as Maines discusses breaking into acting and eventually being cast in Supergirl. I didn’t really know much about how she got into acting. She just showed up one day on my TV, a trans actor playing a trans character, and stole my heart. Nia Nal’s evolution on screen, including the trans rights storylines the show played out, were pivotal in helping me understand and accept I am trans; I literally named myself Kara after the show’s main character (I was well chuffed to learn from this book that Maines did something similar in naming herself after a Zoey 101 character).
It isn’t surprising to hear, in her own words, that Maines struggled with imposter syndrome, etc., while she started acting on the show. I applaud her for being honest about it—there are echoes here of what I read in Anna Kendrick’s memoir this summer. Acting is a far more demanding and destabilizing profession than we often know, and social media and celebrity culture has warped our understanding of what the life of the average actor is like. And this is where It Gets Better … Except When It Gets Worse truly gets interesting.
Maines minces no words in her criticism of the toxic segments of Supergirl fandom: specifically, some shippers who take their OTPs way too seriously. She doesn’t play favourites—from Karamel to Supercorp (the latter being my ship, if I have to pick one, but I am actually kind of happy Kara is alone at the end of the series), each ship has a small but vocal contingent who attacked the cast and crew any time the show didn’t seem to be going their way. I remember this well, even if I was always on the outskirts because I don’t venture places like AO3. The Supergirl hashtags were a good place for community for me on Twitter back in those days, especially around conversation about queerness and queer representation—so it sucks that some fans took things way too far.
But Maines goes even further. On the topic of Dreamer, the original character designed for her, whom she has ported over into the comics and been writing for the past few years, Maines confesses to some frustration with how Dreamer was developed on the show. She wanted a darker, edgier character—and is realizing this in her comic stories (which I haven’t and probably won’t read). For example, there is a notable episode where Dreamer has to take on an anti-trans villain. She nearly kills him, which would be against Supergirl’s code, of course. Maines is like, “Dreamer should have killed him! It makes sense.” And, like, I won’t pretend to agree with that because I happen to like the squeaky-clean approach to justice the CW Supergirl took, in contrast to something like Arrow.
But I love it for Nicole. I love that she sat down to write this book and said (not a direct quote), “Fuck being the good girl, the politic one, the nice trans woman. Fuck being inspirational, feel-good, or positive. Things suck right now, and I want to tell everyone why they suck, and I don’t want to pretend I don’t want to be out for blood.” Maines makes it clear: she wants the freedom to be messy. Some of y’all (especially white cis people) might not realize how subversive this is, but anyone belonging to an underrepresented group in media gets it: the pressure to be well behaved, to be “good,” can be overwhelming at times.
I respect this. We want to lionize people, call them trailblazers, simply for existing—or fighting for the barest sliver of human dignity. I want to call Maines inspirational. I feel an affinity for her, even though I’m older and my experience with transition is incredibly different and I am ace whereas she is incredibly horny on main (and I am here for it). Somehow, her attitude and her outlook resonate with me; this book is no exception. Out of respect to her wishes, however, I’m trying my best not to put her on that pedestal.
So instead I want to say this: It Gets Better … Except When It Gets Worse is a messy book. It refuses to be the feel-good memoir you hope for from a young actor or a trans celebrity. While the ingredients are there—the sad, low moments, and the triumphant ones—Maines doesn’t want to assemble them into a satisfying meal. She wants you to feel unbalanced. She does say she wants trans readers to feel seen (and I do), but she is also exhausted by the political upheaval of the last five years, and she will not hold back. I admire this, and I really appreciate this attempt to short-circuit the narratives around actors and activists like herself.
At various points in reading this, I felt entertained, uplifted, triggered, saddened, shocked, and impressed. In that sense, this is a very human book. Nicole Maines is a trans woman, and a lot of this book is about that—but she’s also a young woman in her twenties, at the start of her adult life and her career, shouting into the void, and this book is also about that. There’s more here than just her thoughts on trans rights and trans life, just as there is more to Maines than Dreamer or being trans or being mouthy on Twitter. I love memoirs that contain multitudes.
Originally posted on Kara.Reviews.
September 26, 2024
A raw and funny memoir about growing up as a trans girl and being in the public eye. Nicole's early story was well-documented in a book, but she wanted to tell her own story even if it's more complicated. We follow her from early childhood through coming of age, becoming an actor, the COVID pandemic and beyond. She also talks some about the current politicization of trans youth and why it's so vital to be an advocate for legal protections and inclusion.
I found most of the book to be incredibly compelling and thought-provoking, while a few of the later chapters meandered a bit more. Which is more frequently the case in memoirs written about events so recent as a couple of years ago. But I think it's a strong book and one I'm glad to have read. There is a lot of insight, even if it is one girls story. And she admits how privileged she was to have a family that came around to being so supportive, when that is not the case for some trans youth. I received a copy for review from the publisher, all opinions are my own.
I found most of the book to be incredibly compelling and thought-provoking, while a few of the later chapters meandered a bit more. Which is more frequently the case in memoirs written about events so recent as a couple of years ago. But I think it's a strong book and one I'm glad to have read. There is a lot of insight, even if it is one girls story. And she admits how privileged she was to have a family that came around to being so supportive, when that is not the case for some trans youth. I received a copy for review from the publisher, all opinions are my own.
July 14, 2024
Nicole gives an open and honest depiction of growing up as trans gender. She describes thr struggles she had to endure while growing up in a small town. A nice read.
September 20, 2024
It's been days of me attempting to write this review but I can't put into words how much I loved this book without making a whole ass brain dump essay, so you know what that's what you're going to get. Massive thanks to the publishers for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review!!
I've been a fan of Nicole's since supergirl, and beyond her acting & activism I'm honestly just a major fan of her sense of humour, which shines through brilliantly on every page. I genuinely laughed out loud and read sections to my wife because, as always, Miss Maines did not come to play. I can't wait to share some of these quotes more widely when the book is released.
This is the most highlighted book I've ever read, so so much of what Nicole said about the state of the world, queer and trans rights and experiences, and her own feelings through her journey, resonated with me. I felt honoured to read so much of what she has been through in her life and how becoming a public family felt to her and how it effected their family dynamic. To know that she felt imposter syndrome and like the 'trailblazer' descriptor didn't fit after everything. Self described as a private person Nicole still shared such raw vulnerability in every page, and it was an honour to get to read it.
I wish I could put a book like this in front of people, transphobes and allies alike, because getting to read the actual events of someone's life and how it made them feel, the frustration and anxiety and pain, I really do think it would open some peoples eyes and make them see things differently. And as well as Nicole's own experiences, she includes many facts, figures, legislation, and resources.
I LOVED the discussion of trans representation in media. About how Dreamer was the first trans person in the arrowverse, and for a lot of people, the first trans person they saw on TV. The pressure to make sure Nia was 'good' representation was huge. But what does good mean? Taylor Swift clean, or accurate and messy and three dimensional? How 'evil' can a queer character be without making people think every queer person is evil, do we have to make all our queer characters good guys to ensure we don't further tarnish our reputation to those looking for any kindling to the fire? I agree with Nicole that Nia should have just killed the transphobic cunt, we love a messy well rounded bitch that stands her ground and we know he deserved it. I hope as time goes on we get to see more and more representation across all ends of the good/evil spectrum.
I had the pleasure of meeting Nicole at a few cons in the past, and I was happy to see her voice came through so clearly on the page, I can't wait for more people to read this because I know it will be beloved.
And remember, we are all in the middle of our stories, there is no happy ending, only the journey. May we all find as many joyful sidequests along the way as possible 💗
I've been a fan of Nicole's since supergirl, and beyond her acting & activism I'm honestly just a major fan of her sense of humour, which shines through brilliantly on every page. I genuinely laughed out loud and read sections to my wife because, as always, Miss Maines did not come to play. I can't wait to share some of these quotes more widely when the book is released.
This is the most highlighted book I've ever read, so so much of what Nicole said about the state of the world, queer and trans rights and experiences, and her own feelings through her journey, resonated with me. I felt honoured to read so much of what she has been through in her life and how becoming a public family felt to her and how it effected their family dynamic. To know that she felt imposter syndrome and like the 'trailblazer' descriptor didn't fit after everything. Self described as a private person Nicole still shared such raw vulnerability in every page, and it was an honour to get to read it.
I wish I could put a book like this in front of people, transphobes and allies alike, because getting to read the actual events of someone's life and how it made them feel, the frustration and anxiety and pain, I really do think it would open some peoples eyes and make them see things differently. And as well as Nicole's own experiences, she includes many facts, figures, legislation, and resources.
I LOVED the discussion of trans representation in media. About how Dreamer was the first trans person in the arrowverse, and for a lot of people, the first trans person they saw on TV. The pressure to make sure Nia was 'good' representation was huge. But what does good mean? Taylor Swift clean, or accurate and messy and three dimensional? How 'evil' can a queer character be without making people think every queer person is evil, do we have to make all our queer characters good guys to ensure we don't further tarnish our reputation to those looking for any kindling to the fire? I agree with Nicole that Nia should have just killed the transphobic cunt, we love a messy well rounded bitch that stands her ground and we know he deserved it. I hope as time goes on we get to see more and more representation across all ends of the good/evil spectrum.
I had the pleasure of meeting Nicole at a few cons in the past, and I was happy to see her voice came through so clearly on the page, I can't wait for more people to read this because I know it will be beloved.
And remember, we are all in the middle of our stories, there is no happy ending, only the journey. May we all find as many joyful sidequests along the way as possible 💗
October 15, 2024
October 15, 2024:
Happy book release day!!
July 20, 2024 Review:
4.5/5
I read the first few chapters of this book before putting it on pause and picking up Becoming Nicole (which I've reviewed here).
Note: You don't need to read Becoming Nicole before reading this memoir because there's a lot of overlap.
Whereas Becoming Nicole was mostly about Nicole Maines's parents learning how to raise a trans child and the behind-the-scenes details about the landmark case of Doe v. Regional School Unit 26 (in which Nicole was the anonymous plaintiff), this book covers most of that but instead, is told from Nicole's perspective with more personal details.
If you've already read Becoming Nicole, you'll find that the first half of It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse pretty much paraphrases everything from the previous book but is told in a fresher, more entertaining and humorous way.
Going into this book, I knew it would be a fun read (despite the anger and frustration that often emanates from the pages - more on that later). I follow Nicole on social media and love her fun personality and the balance that she strikes between being a down-to-earth geek and a sassy Hollywood diva. She's a fantastic storyteller and I love her sense of humour and how she's able to inject some of that humour into this book despite the frequent angry rants about trans rights.
This brings me to my next point - the anger and frustration. I suppose a memoir written by a trans author wouldn't be complete without being packed with information and research about trans issues and a ranting session about internet trolls and bigots, politics, and all the anti-trans legislation that has been popping up across the USA.
I would also like to applaud Nicole for getting personal when describing her range of emotions when it came to portraying Dreamer on Supergirl. Most of all, she did a great job expressing her disappointment at the fandom's critique of the show.
Full disclaimer, I loved Nicole on Supergirl and fully agree with her that Dreamer's arc could have been explored in even more detail on the show! But portraying the first trans superhero on television comes with its challenges including dealing with feelings of 'imposter syndrome' and managing the expectation of fans and the queer community, which were all huge burdens to carry.
Nicole also gets personal and vulnerable when discussing her transition, getting the surgery, and revision surgery.
She also touches upon the infighting within the queer community (and even within the trans community), expresses her disappointment, and calls out on people's hypocrisy.
I love that she unapologetically calls out on people's BS!
My only complaint is that I was hoping for more details about Nicole's relationship(s). She does provide some information about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend Nate, but I was really hoping for more. At the end of the day, I fully understand her desire to maintain her privacy. She probably only felt the need to mention Nate because they had a pretty public relationship.
Overall, this was a very self-aware, introspective and reflective memoir told in a fresh and humourous way while also emphasizing and explaining the importance of trans rights. I would have loved more personal details about her familial and romantic relationships (spill the tea, girl!) but at the end of the day, I'll probably still read (and love) anything that she writes.
I hope there will be an audiobook version narrated by the author because I'm almost 100% positive that it will be a really fun and engaging one to listen to.
*All quotes are taken from an Advanced Readers Copy and may change prior to the release of the final copy.*
**I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley for review consideration, but all opinions are my own.**
Happy book release day!!
July 20, 2024 Review:
4.5/5
I read the first few chapters of this book before putting it on pause and picking up Becoming Nicole (which I've reviewed here).
Note: You don't need to read Becoming Nicole before reading this memoir because there's a lot of overlap.
Whereas Becoming Nicole was mostly about Nicole Maines's parents learning how to raise a trans child and the behind-the-scenes details about the landmark case of Doe v. Regional School Unit 26 (in which Nicole was the anonymous plaintiff), this book covers most of that but instead, is told from Nicole's perspective with more personal details.
"...Becoming Nicole was never a book about me, really, or even my transition. It is about how my transition was an opportunity for my family and community to change and challenge the gendered expectations society places on people and our belief in gendered social norms."
If you've already read Becoming Nicole, you'll find that the first half of It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse pretty much paraphrases everything from the previous book but is told in a fresher, more entertaining and humorous way.
Going into this book, I knew it would be a fun read (despite the anger and frustration that often emanates from the pages - more on that later). I follow Nicole on social media and love her fun personality and the balance that she strikes between being a down-to-earth geek and a sassy Hollywood diva. She's a fantastic storyteller and I love her sense of humour and how she's able to inject some of that humour into this book despite the frequent angry rants about trans rights.
This brings me to my next point - the anger and frustration. I suppose a memoir written by a trans author wouldn't be complete without being packed with information and research about trans issues and a ranting session about internet trolls and bigots, politics, and all the anti-trans legislation that has been popping up across the USA.
I would also like to applaud Nicole for getting personal when describing her range of emotions when it came to portraying Dreamer on Supergirl. Most of all, she did a great job expressing her disappointment at the fandom's critique of the show.
"I was so excited to come on this show and to get to be excited about these characters with all the other queer fans, and instead I'm just watching them say all this awful shit in the name of queer rights! ...When it comes to queer fandom, I really hope that folks learn that being gay does not excuse you from ever being in the wrong. You can absolutely still be the asshole."
Full disclaimer, I loved Nicole on Supergirl and fully agree with her that Dreamer's arc could have been explored in even more detail on the show! But portraying the first trans superhero on television comes with its challenges including dealing with feelings of 'imposter syndrome' and managing the expectation of fans and the queer community, which were all huge burdens to carry.
Getting to portray Dreamer was undeniably an honor, it was just one that I continually felt I didn't deserve to hold.
Nicole also gets personal and vulnerable when discussing her transition, getting the surgery, and revision surgery.
She also touches upon the infighting within the queer community (and even within the trans community), expresses her disappointment, and calls out on people's hypocrisy.
"...and she's like, 'A trans person can't be transphobic.' And I'm like, 'Woman, stop. At the very least you're being an asshole.'
I love that she unapologetically calls out on people's BS!
My only complaint is that I was hoping for more details about Nicole's relationship(s). She does provide some information about her relationship with her ex-boyfriend Nate, but I was really hoping for more. At the end of the day, I fully understand her desire to maintain her privacy. She probably only felt the need to mention Nate because they had a pretty public relationship.
Overall, this was a very self-aware, introspective and reflective memoir told in a fresh and humourous way while also emphasizing and explaining the importance of trans rights. I would have loved more personal details about her familial and romantic relationships (spill the tea, girl!) but at the end of the day, I'll probably still read (and love) anything that she writes.
I hope there will be an audiobook version narrated by the author because I'm almost 100% positive that it will be a really fun and engaging one to listen to.
*All quotes are taken from an Advanced Readers Copy and may change prior to the release of the final copy.*
**I received an ARC from the publisher via NetGalley for review consideration, but all opinions are my own.**
September 30, 2024
Back like 9 years ago I read the book Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family by Amy Ellis Nutt. I liked it, but I found myself wanting it to be more about Nicole’s perspective on her transition rather than being mainly focused on the parents’ POV. So I was so excited when I learned about this book and the fact that Nicole Maines was going to be sharing her story from her point of view.
Watching interviews with Nicole shows off her lively personality and sense of humor. I feel like the writing in this book really captured her voice. There are so many asides and little jokes that made it feel unique and not just like some generic writing. While a lot of the book is fun, there are plenty of serious moments as well when speaking about bigotry and the struggles that she personally faced with legal battles and discrimination. She also makes sure to share facts about the wider trans community and acknowledge her privilege when it comes to certain advantages she had.
One part of the book that I really appreciated was when Nicole was talking about her time being on Supergirl and feeling let down by how some fans crossed the line when campaigning for their ship. She discussed how she felt like people were brushing aside the queer representation that was actually on the show in favor of hoping different queer rep would come. It just felt like something I haven’t seen an actress discuss quite as in depth, especially when she was talking about how she felt betrayed at times when fans would call her out specifically as a queer person saying that she needed to do more. But she also made sure to mention that it wasn’t everyone and there were plenty of fans who engaged with shipping in a positive way. I just love discussions of fandom, and this was a very interesting angle.
There are some parts of Nicole’s earlier years that feel a bit glossed over, but she mentions that they were covered more in depth in Amy Ellis Nutt’s book. So readers who haven’t picked up that book might feel like they’re missing out on the full context. But overall I think this is a really engaging memoir about growing up, transitioning, fighting for change, and figuring out what you want to do with your life.
Thank you to the publisher for providing an advance copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
Watching interviews with Nicole shows off her lively personality and sense of humor. I feel like the writing in this book really captured her voice. There are so many asides and little jokes that made it feel unique and not just like some generic writing. While a lot of the book is fun, there are plenty of serious moments as well when speaking about bigotry and the struggles that she personally faced with legal battles and discrimination. She also makes sure to share facts about the wider trans community and acknowledge her privilege when it comes to certain advantages she had.
One part of the book that I really appreciated was when Nicole was talking about her time being on Supergirl and feeling let down by how some fans crossed the line when campaigning for their ship. She discussed how she felt like people were brushing aside the queer representation that was actually on the show in favor of hoping different queer rep would come. It just felt like something I haven’t seen an actress discuss quite as in depth, especially when she was talking about how she felt betrayed at times when fans would call her out specifically as a queer person saying that she needed to do more. But she also made sure to mention that it wasn’t everyone and there were plenty of fans who engaged with shipping in a positive way. I just love discussions of fandom, and this was a very interesting angle.
There are some parts of Nicole’s earlier years that feel a bit glossed over, but she mentions that they were covered more in depth in Amy Ellis Nutt’s book. So readers who haven’t picked up that book might feel like they’re missing out on the full context. But overall I think this is a really engaging memoir about growing up, transitioning, fighting for change, and figuring out what you want to do with your life.
Thank you to the publisher for providing an advance copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
May 26, 2024
Nicole Maines has lived a noteworthy life for simply trying to live an authentic life. It’s truly heartbreaking to think about everything she went through, and she makes it clear that she was still more privileged than most.
I’m sure that people who aren’t liberals won’t like this book, but I found it to be refreshingly honest. As a Gen Xer, I also had no problem with some of the Gen Z slang that was used. The book told some inconvenient truths, but it was also quite funny.
Maines is at her best in this book when she allows herself to go off on a tangent. I agree with basically everything she said, and guess what? I’m not trans (although I am queer). I just happen to share the (non) radical idea that we should all be able to be who we really are.
Another highlight is that she can call herself on her own shit and openly acknowledged the problems/disadvantages of others. I was a bit sad that it only contained like three words about Yellowjackets, but at the end of the day, I wanted to hear about her trans journey more than I wanted to hear about my favorite show.
I hope that Nicole knows how many lives she’s changed for the better and that the cloud of depression will quit following her.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC. This review contains my honest, unbiased opinion.
I’m sure that people who aren’t liberals won’t like this book, but I found it to be refreshingly honest. As a Gen Xer, I also had no problem with some of the Gen Z slang that was used. The book told some inconvenient truths, but it was also quite funny.
Maines is at her best in this book when she allows herself to go off on a tangent. I agree with basically everything she said, and guess what? I’m not trans (although I am queer). I just happen to share the (non) radical idea that we should all be able to be who we really are.
Another highlight is that she can call herself on her own shit and openly acknowledged the problems/disadvantages of others. I was a bit sad that it only contained like three words about Yellowjackets, but at the end of the day, I wanted to hear about her trans journey more than I wanted to hear about my favorite show.
I hope that Nicole knows how many lives she’s changed for the better and that the cloud of depression will quit following her.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for providing an ARC. This review contains my honest, unbiased opinion.
September 16, 2024
5 stars
This is a fantastic memoir that I sped through and thoroughly enjoyed.
Prior to reading this book, I had no idea who Nicole Maines was, though I did come to learn (through the read) that she has recently been featured on a show I love. I'm sharing this because I cannot speak to the experience of knowing this writer through her celebrity, having incoming expectations, etc. Prospective readers like me (i.e., those who are not already familiar with Maines's work) can also find a great deal of enjoyment in this memoir.
Maines's story is captivating for many reasons. She details her family relationships as well as the isolation she often experienced in school, largely at the hands of ignorant adults (and sometimes their ignorant offspring). It's incredible to learn what an impact she had on trans rights, even as a very young person (though I was familiar with this case, I was not aware of the connection here). Maines also shares a detailed account of her medical transition, which will be enlightening for some. She also discusses her experiences with fame, fans, and surrounding challenges.
Though Maines covers many elements of her life and identity, the throughline is always clear, and the pacing never slows. I will be recommending this one enthusiastically to incoming fans, lovers of memoir, and those who generally appreciate an intriguing narrative.
*Special thanks to NetGalley, Dial Press, and Jordan Hill Forney for this widget, which I received in exchange for an honest review. The opinions expressed here are my own.
This is a fantastic memoir that I sped through and thoroughly enjoyed.
Prior to reading this book, I had no idea who Nicole Maines was, though I did come to learn (through the read) that she has recently been featured on a show I love. I'm sharing this because I cannot speak to the experience of knowing this writer through her celebrity, having incoming expectations, etc. Prospective readers like me (i.e., those who are not already familiar with Maines's work) can also find a great deal of enjoyment in this memoir.
Maines's story is captivating for many reasons. She details her family relationships as well as the isolation she often experienced in school, largely at the hands of ignorant adults (and sometimes their ignorant offspring). It's incredible to learn what an impact she had on trans rights, even as a very young person (though I was familiar with this case, I was not aware of the connection here). Maines also shares a detailed account of her medical transition, which will be enlightening for some. She also discusses her experiences with fame, fans, and surrounding challenges.
Though Maines covers many elements of her life and identity, the throughline is always clear, and the pacing never slows. I will be recommending this one enthusiastically to incoming fans, lovers of memoir, and those who generally appreciate an intriguing narrative.
*Special thanks to NetGalley, Dial Press, and Jordan Hill Forney for this widget, which I received in exchange for an honest review. The opinions expressed here are my own.
December 29, 2024
Thanks to Random House and Netgalley for this advanced copy!
As a fan of the CW Supergirl series, it was really great to learn more about the actor who played Dreamer and everything she had been through in her life before she arrived on our TV screens. I knew that she was trans, but had no idea how involved she and her family had been in advocacy in Maine. I have not read much from adults who started their transition as children and it is so great to see Nicole explain how natural it was for her to say she is a girl and how that went within her family, especially with her twin brother. This is a refreshing memoir with its honesty and feelings and I thought it was just great.
As a fan of the CW Supergirl series, it was really great to learn more about the actor who played Dreamer and everything she had been through in her life before she arrived on our TV screens. I knew that she was trans, but had no idea how involved she and her family had been in advocacy in Maine. I have not read much from adults who started their transition as children and it is so great to see Nicole explain how natural it was for her to say she is a girl and how that went within her family, especially with her twin brother. This is a refreshing memoir with its honesty and feelings and I thought it was just great.
November 1, 2024
I am ashamed to admit that I had no idea Super girl was supposed to be the first openly out trans superhero played by an out trans actress but I absolutely LOVE that this popular show did tackle this head on!! Nicole Maines' latest book is a FANTASTIC memoir about her journey coming out, finding acceptance, going through transformation surgery and battle with transphobia. HIGHLY recommended and excellent on audio read by the author!!
March 11, 2025
“you’re such a trailblazer!” “Look at her go! She’s knocking down barriers!” And I always want to respond, “I’m someone who was discriminated against, then other people around me made decisions that made me extremely visible.”
January 27, 2025
liked it save for the fact that it felt very paced early on and late in the book. didn’t particularly care for most of the supergirl tea, but love her perspective otherwise.
March 31, 2025
4.5 but rounding up because I definitely enjoyed it
May 31, 2024
The book shows how Nicole’s life journey through her story and everything else. She was known as Nia/Dreamer in CW’s Supergirl. The book also shows some things about LGBTQ and rights about it. Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for giving me an opportunity to read this book and do a review.
September 14, 2024
It Gets Better…Except When it Gets Worse tells the story of trans-woman actress Nicole Maines in her own words. From her earliest days when she realized she didn’t fit in the skin she was born in, to her early days in Hollywood.
I don’t typically read memoirs or autobiographies, but I’ve been a fan of Ms. Maines since she first appeared on Supergirl. I figured I’d give this book a try to learn more about her background.
I can honestly say that this book kept me hooked the entire time. There was no part where I thought I might put it down for a bit.
I’m not going to go into any details about the struggles her family went through during her childhood and formative years, that’s all in the book. But she told all of it with intelligence, wit, charm and snark (more on that later). She also didn’t shy away from self-blame for any problems that she might have caused.
This is definitely a book that you can learn something from, if you pay attention. That is something of which, we should all be mindful.
Now, back to the snark. I’m going to go back this book when the audiobook drops, so I can hear it in her own words. Snark Factor 10.
I don’t typically read memoirs or autobiographies, but I’ve been a fan of Ms. Maines since she first appeared on Supergirl. I figured I’d give this book a try to learn more about her background.
I can honestly say that this book kept me hooked the entire time. There was no part where I thought I might put it down for a bit.
I’m not going to go into any details about the struggles her family went through during her childhood and formative years, that’s all in the book. But she told all of it with intelligence, wit, charm and snark (more on that later). She also didn’t shy away from self-blame for any problems that she might have caused.
This is definitely a book that you can learn something from, if you pay attention. That is something of which, we should all be mindful.
Now, back to the snark. I’m going to go back this book when the audiobook drops, so I can hear it in her own words. Snark Factor 10.
May 28, 2024
Love her as an actress and I love her as an author. There’s nothing this woman can’t do. Beautifully written and heartfelt story about Nicole’s life. I felt for her while reading this book, she went through a lot. I’m glad she’s able to tell her story. I think a lot of people will not only find this book interesting, but also be able to connect to it in some way.
August 14, 2024
Reading Maines' book felt like catching up with a friend you haven't seen in a few years. Her punchy, unexpected humor held the container for her life story. I unexpectedly loved when she went through her acting career, and her role on Super Girl. I don't think I've seen anything she's been in and tend not to like actor/memoirs. The heart, clarity, rage, and honesty seeps through every page. Thanks to NetGalley and The Dial Press for an early read in exchange for an honest review.
December 24, 2024
I wasn't familiar with Nicole Maines before receiving her memoir, and I was shocked I hadn't after learning more about her!
Maines is perhaps best known for her role as Nia Nal/Dreamer on the Supergirl tv series, which was the first appearance of a trans superhero on TV. Her passion for Dreamer led to Maines' successful pitch to DC Comics to envelope Dreamer into their print world. Maines has even written (or cowritten) several Dreamer storylines for DC. Years before her breakthrough role, Maines was the originally anonymous plaintiff in the Maine Supreme Court case Doe v. Regional School Unit 26, where the court ultimately ruled it discriminatory for her school to prevent Maines from using the bathroom that matched her gender identity. Maines' parents were fiercely supportive and often booked speaking events to share their story with other parents of trans kids. The successful court ruling and the family's activism eventually led to 2015's Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family, which was written about Maine's early transition as well as her family's experience.
Maines is now 27, and she's ready to share her story from her perspective.
It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse is ripe with internet lingo and the candor of a confident (and terminally online) young person, immediately appealing to Nicole's generation. She gives the reader a look at her experiences from early childhood on, sharing the dysmorphia she felt with her sex assigned at birth, and wide range of experiences in the school system and several towns she and her family lived in throughout her childhood. While she shares plenty of difficulties, this is done with a lightheartedness not always seen in LGBTQ+ (or specifically trans) memoirs, who are so often encouraged to share the rawest and most negative traumas. These stories are all necessary, and it's a good thing to see the compendium of trans stories expand to include perspectives where the rawness has dimmed over time and hope for the future is seen in the distance.
While It Gets Better... is mostly chronological, there are a few slight diversions where Maines explores some of the aspects of transness that are so often pulled into the political sphere. She shares some very easily digestible datapoints and talks through a few common conservative arguments that would serve as a very approachable guide if you are newer to speaking up as a trans ally. This does leave some of the arguments feeling somewhat rudimentary, but it does fit nicely into the overall tone of the book, which feels much more like an introduction to Nicole the person than Nicole the subject of a court case or Nicole the child biography subject.
thanks to netgalley and the publisher for the review copy.
Maines is perhaps best known for her role as Nia Nal/Dreamer on the Supergirl tv series, which was the first appearance of a trans superhero on TV. Her passion for Dreamer led to Maines' successful pitch to DC Comics to envelope Dreamer into their print world. Maines has even written (or cowritten) several Dreamer storylines for DC. Years before her breakthrough role, Maines was the originally anonymous plaintiff in the Maine Supreme Court case Doe v. Regional School Unit 26, where the court ultimately ruled it discriminatory for her school to prevent Maines from using the bathroom that matched her gender identity. Maines' parents were fiercely supportive and often booked speaking events to share their story with other parents of trans kids. The successful court ruling and the family's activism eventually led to 2015's Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family, which was written about Maine's early transition as well as her family's experience.
Maines is now 27, and she's ready to share her story from her perspective.
It Gets Better...Except When It Gets Worse is ripe with internet lingo and the candor of a confident (and terminally online) young person, immediately appealing to Nicole's generation. She gives the reader a look at her experiences from early childhood on, sharing the dysmorphia she felt with her sex assigned at birth, and wide range of experiences in the school system and several towns she and her family lived in throughout her childhood. While she shares plenty of difficulties, this is done with a lightheartedness not always seen in LGBTQ+ (or specifically trans) memoirs, who are so often encouraged to share the rawest and most negative traumas. These stories are all necessary, and it's a good thing to see the compendium of trans stories expand to include perspectives where the rawness has dimmed over time and hope for the future is seen in the distance.
While It Gets Better... is mostly chronological, there are a few slight diversions where Maines explores some of the aspects of transness that are so often pulled into the political sphere. She shares some very easily digestible datapoints and talks through a few common conservative arguments that would serve as a very approachable guide if you are newer to speaking up as a trans ally. This does leave some of the arguments feeling somewhat rudimentary, but it does fit nicely into the overall tone of the book, which feels much more like an introduction to Nicole the person than Nicole the subject of a court case or Nicole the child biography subject.
thanks to netgalley and the publisher for the review copy.
February 21, 2025
there's a moment in the early chapters of this book in which nicole maines talks about guilt she has for the things she put her brother through when she was only 5 years old. she talks about the irrationality of that, the strangeness of that, when she was just doing normal kid things in the face of big emotional shit. its honest and its raw and its unfinished— which i think is the best way to describe this memoir.
it's not by any means a perfect celebrity memoir, and i don't think maines herself would say it is. but its funny, its insightful, and it allows for her to ramble about the story she's been forced to tell over and over, for the first time in a voice that is more chaotically and authentically hers. she does admit to having a ghostwriter assist her on this project, and is the first person to tell you she's not perfect, but i think that the collaborative effort really brings out the best.
the book is broken into chapters that often read more like essays. my favorite is personally when she takes the time to talk about the effect of toxic fandom on the coworkers she loved and spent so much time with while working on supergirl. she's unapologetic in her fierceness. each of the essays is focused and guided towards whatever she has thought to tell you about, and it has a rambling, unfinished quality that begs you to take what she's saying and converse with it. this is a book that wants to open up something and say "let's think about this. how can we fix this."
i like the quality of this book being snippets and beginnings and concepts, because it fits for a memoir of someone barely a quarter of the way through her life. it makes me hope for a follow up later, a moment where she continues the conversations she's begun.
it's a good book if you're looking for an introduction to basic realities of trans existence, and a good book if you're a queer person in the mood for a good time.
nicole maines is a fascinating, complex woman, and i can't wait to see what she does next. comic books and memoirs and acting and everything in between- maybe you will get to do some art for a video game someday. i'll definitely give that game a try.
it's not by any means a perfect celebrity memoir, and i don't think maines herself would say it is. but its funny, its insightful, and it allows for her to ramble about the story she's been forced to tell over and over, for the first time in a voice that is more chaotically and authentically hers. she does admit to having a ghostwriter assist her on this project, and is the first person to tell you she's not perfect, but i think that the collaborative effort really brings out the best.
the book is broken into chapters that often read more like essays. my favorite is personally when she takes the time to talk about the effect of toxic fandom on the coworkers she loved and spent so much time with while working on supergirl. she's unapologetic in her fierceness. each of the essays is focused and guided towards whatever she has thought to tell you about, and it has a rambling, unfinished quality that begs you to take what she's saying and converse with it. this is a book that wants to open up something and say "let's think about this. how can we fix this."
i like the quality of this book being snippets and beginnings and concepts, because it fits for a memoir of someone barely a quarter of the way through her life. it makes me hope for a follow up later, a moment where she continues the conversations she's begun.
it's a good book if you're looking for an introduction to basic realities of trans existence, and a good book if you're a queer person in the mood for a good time.
nicole maines is a fascinating, complex woman, and i can't wait to see what she does next. comic books and memoirs and acting and everything in between- maybe you will get to do some art for a video game someday. i'll definitely give that game a try.
November 1, 2024
Actress Nicole Maines writes from her unique perspective of being a trans rights activist and actress in this memoir. She was adopted into her family along with her twin brother, but it soon became obvious that the twin boys were not "identical." She realized very early on that they were very different. While her father was initially unaccepting of her trans identity, he soon became one of her biggest supporters as her family pushed for rights for trans students in her state and eventually got some legislation passed. It was very insightful to read about her struggles, not with her identity, which she always felt comfortable expressing, but with the attitudes of others and the attempts of loud and uniformed "religious leaders" to force everyone into their way of thinking.
While I enjoyed the book, it felt like there was a lot of repetition. Of course Nicole is angry and upset about attempts to restrict her life, but it seemed this venting made up a large majority of the book. Another large section consisted of minute details about a character she played on a TV series. While this was groundbreaking, if you're not familiar with the series it went on for a quite a while. The style is very chatty, as if you're sitting with a friend, and the chapters are short. It's a fascinating look at the life of a trailblazing young actress.
I received a copy of this book from a GoodReads giveaway.
While I enjoyed the book, it felt like there was a lot of repetition. Of course Nicole is angry and upset about attempts to restrict her life, but it seemed this venting made up a large majority of the book. Another large section consisted of minute details about a character she played on a TV series. While this was groundbreaking, if you're not familiar with the series it went on for a quite a while. The style is very chatty, as if you're sitting with a friend, and the chapters are short. It's a fascinating look at the life of a trailblazing young actress.
I received a copy of this book from a GoodReads giveaway.
July 22, 2024
Nicole Maines uses this book to communicate a very personal journey, one which unfortunately will probably not be read by the people who most need to, those who are in positions where they seek to define who others are and limit their rights without any understanding or empathy. For myself, I'm thankful that she chose to open herself up with this revealing autobiography.
While I can't directly relate to Nicole's specific experiences, it's certainly not at all difficult to empathize with what she's gone through, particularly as she's very open about how she's felt about everything, from the ways different people have tried to impose their views on who she is over her own confident sense of identity to her physical transition into the body that matches her identity, as well as her professional journey into being an actress and an author.
I did find myself relating in a very direct way to her self-professed imposter syndrome, where I've experienced many of the same feelings, though in relation to different professions. So the book spoke very deeply to me, though not necessarily in the specific area which she may have intended (though, to be fair, the whole book did resonate with me).
I'll certainly be recommending this to all. Thanks to the publisher for providing me with an ARC for review.
While I can't directly relate to Nicole's specific experiences, it's certainly not at all difficult to empathize with what she's gone through, particularly as she's very open about how she's felt about everything, from the ways different people have tried to impose their views on who she is over her own confident sense of identity to her physical transition into the body that matches her identity, as well as her professional journey into being an actress and an author.
I did find myself relating in a very direct way to her self-professed imposter syndrome, where I've experienced many of the same feelings, though in relation to different professions. So the book spoke very deeply to me, though not necessarily in the specific area which she may have intended (though, to be fair, the whole book did resonate with me).
I'll certainly be recommending this to all. Thanks to the publisher for providing me with an ARC for review.
October 14, 2024
This is a memoir about Nicole Maines’ childhood and her fight for transgender rights. I had never heard of her before, and her story is truly inspirational. She goes into raw detail about what it was like growing up as a trans child, back before Jazz Jennings and other stars went public about their own experiences growing up openly trans in a transphobic society. Maines and her family introduced one of the first lawsuits surrounding Maines’ right to use the bathroom of her actual gender rather than her assigned gender at birth. With all of this came fame and public scrutiny that she did not ask for, nor did she understand at the time. Today, Nicole Maines is a successful actor who still champions the fight for trans rights in an increasingly dangerous sociopolitical environment.
This was an impactful memoir that I won’t soon be forgetting! The author has a beautiful ability to combine humor and laugh-out-loud moments alongside the very serious topics of her upbringing as a trans girl and the obstacles she faced—and still faces—revolving around her fight for transgender equality. She is a badass and unapologetically herself, even calling out transphobes and transphobic organizations by name. Maines is also able to incorporate facts and statistics into her memoir without it feeling like a college lecture, which I found very compelling.
Maines goes in-depth about her love of comic books, which is where I got a bit lost. While I am grateful that she shared her passion with the readers, after pages and pages of extreme detail about comics it got rather cumbersome for me, as I do not share this passion. I got to the point where I was skimming paragraphs trying to find where the comic book talk ended and her story began again.
Overall, I absolutely adored this memoir and will be recommending it to my fellow memoir-lovers! This is such an important piece of writing in light of the rising transphobia and transphobic laws in our country. A must-read!
Big thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group for the gifted ARC!
This was an impactful memoir that I won’t soon be forgetting! The author has a beautiful ability to combine humor and laugh-out-loud moments alongside the very serious topics of her upbringing as a trans girl and the obstacles she faced—and still faces—revolving around her fight for transgender equality. She is a badass and unapologetically herself, even calling out transphobes and transphobic organizations by name. Maines is also able to incorporate facts and statistics into her memoir without it feeling like a college lecture, which I found very compelling.
Maines goes in-depth about her love of comic books, which is where I got a bit lost. While I am grateful that she shared her passion with the readers, after pages and pages of extreme detail about comics it got rather cumbersome for me, as I do not share this passion. I got to the point where I was skimming paragraphs trying to find where the comic book talk ended and her story began again.
Overall, I absolutely adored this memoir and will be recommending it to my fellow memoir-lovers! This is such an important piece of writing in light of the rising transphobia and transphobic laws in our country. A must-read!
Big thanks to NetGalley and Random House Publishing Group for the gifted ARC!
November 16, 2024
It Gets Better... Except When It Gets Worse is the memoir of Nicole Maines, a transgender woman, activist, and actress.
Nicole has known she was a girl since she was a toddler. In fifth grade, she and her parents sued her school district for not allowing her to use the correct bathroom, which ultimately went to the state Supreme Court becoming a landmark case for the country. She also is known for playing Nia Nal on the TV show Supergirl, the first openly canonical trans superhero on TV.
I hadn't heard of Nicole Maines before reading this book but really enjoyed getting to know her. She has an irreverent sense of humor that did really come across in the book. I think it's so important to read and elevate books by trans authors and to tell trans stories, because no one person has the same experience as anyone else, but there's such power to be found in representation.
The reason this book wasn't 5 stars for me was because I did feel like it lacked a cohesive narrative arc and at times it felt like it was a collection of mini essays, while at other times it felt more like an autobiography.
However, I learned a lot - I also suspect this would be a very entertaining listen on audio, given the author's voice that comes through in her writing style.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest opinion.
Nicole has known she was a girl since she was a toddler. In fifth grade, she and her parents sued her school district for not allowing her to use the correct bathroom, which ultimately went to the state Supreme Court becoming a landmark case for the country. She also is known for playing Nia Nal on the TV show Supergirl, the first openly canonical trans superhero on TV.
I hadn't heard of Nicole Maines before reading this book but really enjoyed getting to know her. She has an irreverent sense of humor that did really come across in the book. I think it's so important to read and elevate books by trans authors and to tell trans stories, because no one person has the same experience as anyone else, but there's such power to be found in representation.
The reason this book wasn't 5 stars for me was because I did feel like it lacked a cohesive narrative arc and at times it felt like it was a collection of mini essays, while at other times it felt more like an autobiography.
However, I learned a lot - I also suspect this would be a very entertaining listen on audio, given the author's voice that comes through in her writing style.
Thank you to the publisher and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest opinion.
July 30, 2024
3.5
This is a hard book for me to review. I really really enjoyed the author's perspectives on what it was like being trans and having to not only experience the gender dysphoria but also family and community support (or not support). And I really liked reading about the Dad's journey of understanding what having a trans child meant and how the dad was able to embrace Nicole and the whole family fought for her rights to use the right bathroom at school etc. On the other hand, I felt like the second part of the book (mainly once Nicole was cast in Supergirl) wasn't as engaging and felt a little bit forced. There were moments of repetition in the first half, too, but I felt like it dragged the story down more in the second half.
Overall, I appreciated Nicole's vulnerability and candidness about her experiences and how her varying emotions throughout the experiences (especially when it came to her gender-affirming surgery). While I struggled with the structure and writing in the second half, this is an important perspective and voice we (society) needs to hear.
Thank you to NG and the publisher for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
This is a hard book for me to review. I really really enjoyed the author's perspectives on what it was like being trans and having to not only experience the gender dysphoria but also family and community support (or not support). And I really liked reading about the Dad's journey of understanding what having a trans child meant and how the dad was able to embrace Nicole and the whole family fought for her rights to use the right bathroom at school etc. On the other hand, I felt like the second part of the book (mainly once Nicole was cast in Supergirl) wasn't as engaging and felt a little bit forced. There were moments of repetition in the first half, too, but I felt like it dragged the story down more in the second half.
Overall, I appreciated Nicole's vulnerability and candidness about her experiences and how her varying emotions throughout the experiences (especially when it came to her gender-affirming surgery). While I struggled with the structure and writing in the second half, this is an important perspective and voice we (society) needs to hear.
Thank you to NG and the publisher for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.
October 11, 2024
So many memoirs exist in the world, and with that it can be hard to find ones that truly have something to say. THIS one not only has something to say but what’s said is so freaking important. I absolutely loved this book so much. Nicole is so vulnerable and open in this book about the rollercoaster that has been her life, while using her voice to bring attention to issues that matter so much in our world’s current climate. Her balance of humor and seriousness throughout the retelling of key moments in her life thus far is so beyond well done. The book truly feels like you’re sitting on a couch with her and getting to know all that she’s been through, how she takes life day by day in this messed up world and what she’ll use everything in her power to fight for. Her personality shines through the pages and this book is so hard to put down once you start. Lastly, I’d say one of the biggest lessons someone can learn from this book is to lead with empathy for others and just because you don’t understand someone else’s way of thinking doesn’t give you the right to try and police their bodies.
February 13, 2025
I think this is an important book on so many levels, but I have to admit that Nicole's exclamation points drove me crazy. The writing makes her feel much younger (I don't want to say immature) than she is. I don't know if this is her personality or if it's been done on purpose to appeal to a younger audience. Regardless, I will repeat myself - this is an important story, one that needs to be told now more than ever, especially given how our current government is trying to erase, silence, and harm anyone they deem "other." And this is what Nicole speaks to and about - living with others' fears, prejudices, and misconceptions. I love her honesty and humor as she shares the obstacles she encountered, the friends she made, and her move from small town girl to Hollywood celebrity. I also appreciate that Nicole realizes the toll this took on her twin and that neither of them had a normal childhood because others wanted to cancel her. I applaud her parents, and I am absolutely amazed at the strength and perseverance Nicole had at a young age. Finally, I admire the stories, facts, stats, and research Nicole includes in the book.
October 15, 2024
Nicole Maines has been through a lot: a childhood as an increasingly out transgender girl, a landmark legal case and adolescent activism, gender-affirming surgery, and an acting career. That's plenty of material for a juicy memoir - but It Gets Better, although it is voice-y and witty and often a fun read, is disorganized and sometimes feels superficial.
Maines devotes the first half of the book to her childhood, particularly her family relationships and the bathroom dramas that led to her legal case. She brings humor and snark to the discussion but keeps the reader very much at arm's length - an understandable impulse given the private nature of the subject, but frustrating in a memoir. The second half of the story, tackling Maines' (still early) adulthood, is more intimate, but scattered and rushed.
Maines has a compelling story and a great voice, but It Gets Better fails to exploit them to full effect. It's an interesting read, but it could have been more. 3.5 stars.
[I received a complimentary ARC from NetGalley and the publisher. Opinions are my own.]
Maines devotes the first half of the book to her childhood, particularly her family relationships and the bathroom dramas that led to her legal case. She brings humor and snark to the discussion but keeps the reader very much at arm's length - an understandable impulse given the private nature of the subject, but frustrating in a memoir. The second half of the story, tackling Maines' (still early) adulthood, is more intimate, but scattered and rushed.
Maines has a compelling story and a great voice, but It Gets Better fails to exploit them to full effect. It's an interesting read, but it could have been more. 3.5 stars.
[I received a complimentary ARC from NetGalley and the publisher. Opinions are my own.]
October 20, 2024
I HIGHLY recommend this book!
There was an earlier book, Becoming Nicole: The Transformatin of an American Family by Amy Nutt, which focused on the family and how they accepted, adapted and hardships they went through, with a transgender child. Now Nicole tells HER own story. It is heartbreaking, tender, enlightening, and sometimes raw. She brings humor, sadess, hope to it. Not only what she went through but her thoughts and feelings through it all. Plus talking about what's going on in our country now with all the fear and misunderstanding about the whole transgender issue. She talks about th whole Supergirl adventure, getting cast on the show, fandom, life after Supergirl, etc. I've read numerous books about the transgender issues, I think Nicole tells her story in such a real and revealing way, unlike any others i've read. Whether you're just a fan of her character, Dreamer, or just care about all the current issues and would like to understand better from a person who went through it and is still dealing with it. I highly recommend this book!
There was an earlier book, Becoming Nicole: The Transformatin of an American Family by Amy Nutt, which focused on the family and how they accepted, adapted and hardships they went through, with a transgender child. Now Nicole tells HER own story. It is heartbreaking, tender, enlightening, and sometimes raw. She brings humor, sadess, hope to it. Not only what she went through but her thoughts and feelings through it all. Plus talking about what's going on in our country now with all the fear and misunderstanding about the whole transgender issue. She talks about th whole Supergirl adventure, getting cast on the show, fandom, life after Supergirl, etc. I've read numerous books about the transgender issues, I think Nicole tells her story in such a real and revealing way, unlike any others i've read. Whether you're just a fan of her character, Dreamer, or just care about all the current issues and would like to understand better from a person who went through it and is still dealing with it. I highly recommend this book!
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October 27, 2024I’ve been a fan of Nicole ever since her debut on Supergirl. Since the season finale, I have casually kept up with her on social media. Now, imagine my delight when I saw that she was going to release a book talking about several topics!!
I read the book written about her story BECOMING NICOLE back in 2020 because after watching Supergirl for a while, I was curious about Nicole’s backstory. It was a solid book really focused on the trans rights movement and Nicole’s family’s involvement with it.
This book kind of fills in the gaps of that book in my opinion. We get a lot of the same content from BECOMING NICOLE, but told from Nicole’s POV. We also get more tidbits from her life growing up as well as her experience on Supergirl and her life since. It is a delightfully hilarious book while also being incredibly insightful. I thoroughly enjoyed my time reading.
I decided not to rate this book because it is a very personal work and when I read memoirs like this, I always feel odd giving it a star rating.
Thank you to Penguin Random House for sending me an ARC copy for review.
I read the book written about her story BECOMING NICOLE back in 2020 because after watching Supergirl for a while, I was curious about Nicole’s backstory. It was a solid book really focused on the trans rights movement and Nicole’s family’s involvement with it.
This book kind of fills in the gaps of that book in my opinion. We get a lot of the same content from BECOMING NICOLE, but told from Nicole’s POV. We also get more tidbits from her life growing up as well as her experience on Supergirl and her life since. It is a delightfully hilarious book while also being incredibly insightful. I thoroughly enjoyed my time reading.
I decided not to rate this book because it is a very personal work and when I read memoirs like this, I always feel odd giving it a star rating.
Thank you to Penguin Random House for sending me an ARC copy for review.
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