I Do Not Apologize for My Position on Men

by Rae Wilde

“It’s a rare thing, more rare than most of us would like to admit, to find such unflinching human nakedness in the artistry of storytelling today. Not of the bodily kind, but the sheer genuine baring of every scar and infirmity and near every shade of harm worn on the invisible flesh of the heart. Rarer still for a collection to so simply state, Here I am. I am as my choices and time and circumstances have made me. And I do not apologize for my position on men.”
-C.S. Humble, Foreword from I Do Not Apologize for My Position on Men

A woman forms an electric bond with the cosmic terror behind a gloryhole. Another falls in love with a hurricane. A nihilist and her obsessive paramour find a child after a catastrophic fire. An interactive survival horror based on the tragedy of the whaling ship Essex. People seduce monsters, monsters seduce people, and the line between person and monster loses meaning.

I Do Not Apologize for My Position on Men will appeal to lovers of Eric LaRocca’s “disaster queers”, Wrath James White’s brutal eroticism, and Paula D. Ashe’s combination of lush prose and devastating violence.

Genres: Horror, Short Stories, Queer, Adult, Fiction, Lesbian, LGBT

Paperback

Published September 1, 2024

About the author

Rae Wilde (she/her) is a queer woman and author of dark fiction who has published numerous works under the pen name Rae Knowles. Her available long works include The Stradivarius and Merciless Waters among others.

Rae has published 20+ shorter works in magazines and anthologies such Dark Matter Ink, Nightmare, & Ghoulish Tales. Rae is represented by Laura Williams at Greene & Heaton.

Reviews

[thevampireslibrary · Rating 5 out of 5]

A HD reading experience, this collection was carthartic, comforting and satisfying  in nature, its clear that Wilde is an extremely talented author, theres a range of genres explored in this but what unites them all is Wildes beautiful lyrical prose that projects the imagery onto the side of my brain in crystal clear clarity, Rae is an author that simultaneously makes me feel like I'm increasing my intelligence by learning something when I read her work but I also feel incredibly dumb, I know there's a bigger meaning and message behind some of these stories but I can't quite put my finger on it, am I reading too much into them? Read them and find out 👀 simmering between the lines in each story is palpable rage, sometimes it's quiet (which is often more unsettling) and sometimes it's there in black and white, leaping of the page and strangling those who dare to read, I enjoyed all of the stories in this collection but below are some of my favourites! They might contain some spoilers as the length is short so hard not too, so read no further if thats not something you want, although I don't think it will affect the fantastic reading experience you will most definitely have


Rusalka - Strong dark/horror fantasy vibes, creepy folklore, sexy siren corpses killing men? What's not to love

I Am Not The Ghost You Wanted - This portrays a lifeless, forgive the pun, dead 👀 in the water relationship but our unamed protagonist cant leave, stuck in their ghostly form doomed to haunt the woman she loved because of a silly promise, this was melancholy and I couldn't help but relate to the characters, betrayal, love and truth are the main themes


Giltine- Gross body horror with a Goddess of Death, 10/10 no notes

Between Her Teeth - A creature feature about Queen Kong who takes the communities virginal sacrifices and builds some sort of lesbian cult in the mountains, I really liked this one, it was gruesome and fun, the ending was particularly satisfying and had me kicking my feet and giggling, women taking back their power YASSIFICATION


I Gave My Heart To A Hurricane - Ominous in nature this story is ambiguous and left me with a lot of questions but not really sure I wanted them answered, I appreciated the dry witty humour in this but beneath it I felt there was something more serious, was the hurricane a metaphor for men? Probably, they cause nothing but trouble eh.

A Curse in the Midnight Zone - Ultimatley I think this was about accepting who you are/ your sexuality


Backseat Driver - A murdered girlfriend haunts her ex through the families GPS system, ultimatley leading them to her corpse, stop, I'm shook, I love women. I'd love to see this as a full length novel!


Mulberry Silk - Midsommar meets The Devil Wears Prada in this unsettling cult story

Common Oleander - I loved this, Rae excels at casual brutality and violence creating an exciting atmosphere rather than jarring it only further spurs me on to read more, is there crack in this prose?

[Ai Jiang]

A big thank you to the author for an ARC of this collection! Below is my blurb:

I DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR MY POSITION ON MEN is filled with tales of disparate survival, struggle, vengeance told through unexpected and beautiful prose. A perfect read for those searching for stories of separation and addiction, desire and disaster, rage, release, and revival, and the pleasure of erotic deaths.

[ThatBookish_deviant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five stars for the title alone. I CAN’T WAIT to get my hands on this book!!!

[mtrics · Rating 4 out of 5]

I must confess I was worried by the pompous tone of the introduction (and the epigraph) before going in, but I was pleasantly surprised in the end. John List Would Like to Cancel His Subscription to Omaha Steaks is a great introduction to this collection of short stories, but Backseat Driver and A Curse in the Midnight Zone completely stole the show for me.

However, I do agree that things start to feel terribly repetitive by the time you reach Part II. Part III, the choose your own adventure game, is a much-needed breath of fresh air, but I admit I was a bit tired of the book by that point.

Still, I know I’ll be thinking about some of these stories often; I’m really glad I read this.

[Brianne Campbell-Thompson · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I Do Not Apologize For My Position On Men" by Rae Wilde is a weird, sexual, macabre, and unsettling collection of short horror stories!

My favorite stories from the collection are "I Am Not The Ghost You Wanted," "A Curse in the Midnight Zone," and "Common Oleander."

"I Am Not The Ghost You Wanted" is a dark and sorrowful ghost story about an apparition trapped haunting her ex-girlfriend. The tension between the characters in this story is immense!

"A Curse in the Midnight Zone" is a sapphic re-telling of "The Little Mermaid". This story is beautiful, brutal, and heartbreaking.

"Common Oleander" is a disturbing story about a springtime gardening ritual that goes awry.

I loved this short story collection and highly recommend it! I will definitely be reading more from Rae Wilde!

[Brandy Leigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just a bunch of strangely sexual and gory short stories.

I lost steam around 75% in as they started to feel repetitive.

[N.J. Gallegos · Rating 5 out of 5]

My girl Rae has done it again! This collection runs the gamut of horror, romance, mystery, and even some folklore. For those who have read Merciless Waters... there are several stories that tie into that mythos that are amazing.

John List Would Like to Cancel His Subscription: Hardcore customer service and damnnnnn I want a steak so bad right now.

I Am Not the Ghost You Wanted: Careful what you promise a lover... lesbian love triangles after death can be a real bitch.

Write My Eulogy on the Gloryhole Bathroom Stall: So much delicious Splatterpunk.

Common Oleander: A horror loving toxicologist's dream.

Survive the Essex: Moby Dick meets pick-your-own-adventure... plus maybe some cannibalism (depending on what you chose!)

[sam · Rating 5 out of 5]

This collection was incredible. Rae Wilde’s I Do Not Apologize For My Position On Men reads like a collection of campfire stories. It’s gothic, it’s gorgeous, and it’s absolutely not here to coddle anyone’s delicate sensibilities—especially not men’s. This collection whispers, hisses, howls, and sometimes even flirts its way through themes of power, loss, revenge, and queer desire.

The sapphic elements are tender, raw, and often tinged with that electric edge of danger—like love letters written in candle smoke or secret messages scrawled in blood. There’s something unearthly about Wilde’s storytelling, but also something deeply embodied. She writes women and queer folks not as archetypes, but as full, flawed, furious beings—flesh and bone and spirit and shadow. Each story felt like a ritual, a reckoning, or sometimes a curse. And I mean that as the highest compliment.

If you’ve ever wanted to be held and hexed at the same time, this is the book for you. If you like your feminism feral and your fiction a little unhinged, you will enjoy this collection of short stories.

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Based on the title of this, I already knew I was going to like it. And I was right.
I really enjoy Rae Wilde's work, and this collection is no exception. Some standout stories included Between Her Teeth, I Gave My Heart to a Hurricane, Eyes Open, Knees Apart for the End of the World, and Backseat Driver.

I also really liked Becca and Gem's stories. Seeing my own name associated with someone like Becca from these stories was kind of great. Their love story was intense, and they did do some questionable things, but their (twisted) love for each other was captivating. I also, of course, just love reading about wild sapphics.

Rae Wilde is one of the biggest rising horror authors (in my humble opinion) and this is a collection that you should definitely check out if you can get your hands on a copy.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would write a review but I don’t want to spoil anything before the book’s release. Let’s just say, whatever kind of horror you favor: feminist, body, cosmic, splatter, or quiet, this collection delivers it. ✊🏻

[Cassandra L. L. Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whooo, what a ride!

I'm no stranger to short horror story collections, and most have intentional cohesion. I Do Not Apologize keeps this spirit, but each story is wonderfully unique. It forced me to abandon my plan to devour it, and I ended up sampling it instead - story by story, bite by bite - savoring each tale before I moved on to the next. And I'm grateful for it. Wilde has a way of immersing you in a story and not letting go, no matter how uncomfortable you may become. As a person in recovery, Write My Eulogy On The Gloryhole Bathroom Stall was a firm fave. Other notables: Eyes Open, Knees Apart for the End of the World (leave it to a dude to pull something like that), and Between Her Teeth. Overall, I loved the entire ride, and I'm genuinely looking forward to reading more as this talented writer's career soars.

[Cat Voleur · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rae doesn't disappoint.

I Do Not Apologize for My Position on Men is such an incredible collection of short horror stories, and even knowing how much I adore Wilde's work I was still so pleasantly surprised.

I typically prefer long form fiction over short stories, but I think this would be a great place to start if you're interested in reading Rae Knowles and not ready to commit to one of her fantastic novellas. As a matter of fact, I can pretty much guarantee you'll want to follow this up with more of her work.

This is a really small detail, but I have to mention how much I love the organization of this book. A lot of people don't realize what an art it is in a short story collection to put the stories into a coherent order. But the themes felt well spaced out across the stories despite there being some story elements that were heavily recurring across many entries. The collection also both starts and ends on a banger.

Speaking of which, my favorite short story in the collection is "John List Would Like to Cancel His Subscription to Omaha Steaks." Honestly, I wanted a whole book of this one, I felt like it ended way too soon. I loved the premise and the prose and it's such a strong start to the collection.

A close second is "Survive the Essix" which I was totally unprepared for, and won't say anything about. But it's presented beautifully.

My one complaint of the collection (if you can call it that) is that I would have loved to see a wider variety of stories. We got all of the Rae Wilde hits (including a couple of previously published favorites) but I would definitely be interested to see her tackling more things. Faster. I would like more Rae Wilde to already be on my shelf, ideally.

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good writing, but repetitive themes. There is also a typo at around 83% of the way through— wives is spelt as wive’s.

[Kelly Allen-Kujawski · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars & dnf:

I really wanted to enjoy this. I love weird fiction. I love horror. I love splatterpunk. I love gore, and smut, etc etc. But this was just... eh. So many short (and I mean short as in 2 to 3 page) stories and several were just nonsensical.

I ordered this off TikTok and now I know why I don't usually do TikTok authors.

[Abi Nelezen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was the scathing, scary, horror-filled short story collection of my dreams. I’m with Rae - I also do not apologize for her position on men as I gobble up whatever else she writes for the rest of time

[Kas Marek · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some stories were great. One was absolutely disgusting and made me queasy. Overall, a fun time.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Each, a fine wife. Their marriage baked in dirt, and heat, and churning ocean, and unfeeling men, and uncaring time.”
📚
Opening with a wonderful intro by C.S. Humble, this short story collection is an honest and unflinching feminist treatise chock full of rage, vengeance, horror, trauma, brutality, and passion. Narratives circle a range of issues, challenges, imperfections, themes, and situations, all layered and elusive, visceral and powerful, cinematic and lyrical. It's a strange, sensual, beautiful, horrifying, and unforgettable reading experience capped off with absolutely gorgeous, frame-worthy cover art.

Standouts for this reader include:

•“John List Would Like to Cancel His Subscription to Omaha Steaks,” a chilling, slow-burn account of one man’s sinister checklist.

•“Between Her Teeth,” a bizarre, sultry, horrific, and wildly imaginative King Kong reboot.

•“A Fine Wife, Indeed,” an immersive and captivating tale of myth, marriage, toxic masculinity, and male entitlement.

•“I Gave My Heart to a Hurricane,” a stormy, ominous, and gory narrative of delusion, use, abuse, devastation, and heartbreak.

•“Write My Eulogy on the Gloryhole Bathroom Stall,” a graphic, sadistic, profane, and stomach-turning meditation on addiction and suffering.

Thank you to Rae Wilde for sharing a digital ARC of this fantastic forthcoming release, which is scheduled for publication in September via Off Limits Press.

[Sam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I received an ARC of this book from the publisher.

I've read one short story by Rae Wilde before (also featured in this short story collection) and so I knew I wanted to check this out and I am very grateful I received the opportunity.
This collection features short stories from the genres of horror, mystery, romance and some folklore and as the title already suggests most of it is feminist/women's horror in some way, shape or form. The various horror genres featured (some stand outs I remember & enjoyed were body horror, cosmic horror, splatter horror and the erotic horror) is quite broad and so I definitely wasn't bored, but some themes do exist more often than others, particularly horror centered around the sea or creatures of the sea played a bigger role, which was interesting for me to find out as it wasn't what I had been expecting at all. If you enjoy any of these horror genres, I can definitely recommend this short story collection to you. The stories are often sapphic or featuring evil men getting punished for their actions, both of which are also things I enjoy.
The prose is incredible and the characters are often very compelling and while I didn't absolutely adore every story in here there there are quite a few standouts including: "John List Would Like to Cancel His Subscription to Omaha Steaks", "I Am Not the Ghost You Wanted", "Between Her Teeth" (my favorite new-to-me piece by Rae Wilde), "Eyes Open, Knees Apart for the End of the World", "Write My Eulogy on the Gloryhole Bathroom Stall" (my previous favorite piece by Rae Wilde), "The Many Lives of Becca and Gem" (especially "Mullberry Silk" & "Common Oleander") and finally, like many other readers will agree, I really enjoyed "Survive the Essix".
Now, as I like to do with short story collections, here's my collection of a short description, some thoughts and feelings and trigger warnings for every short story (also provided in the back of the book!):

*FAV* John List Would Like to Cancel His Subscription to Omaha Steaks: Short and deeply unsettling this story follows a man as he works through his checklist before the Holidays, tw: allusion to child death
Rusalnaya: A short siren horror story with a siren looking for prey, unsettling and I love murderous women, very short though, tw: murder, body horror, sexual content
*FAV* I Am Not the Ghost You Wanted: A messy lesbian relationship made more complicated by the fact that one of them is a ghost, messy and fun, tw: death, cheating, sexual content
Giltiné: A man seeks out a woman after being bitten by a snake, things... escalate from there. Interesting, but a bit short for me. Maybe includes folklore I don't know about? tw: death, gore, sexual content
*FAV* Between Her Teeth: What starts out as a rather typical sacrificing a pretty young woman to the beast turns into hot lesbian King Kong Vore. A very interesting horrorotica. I liked the weird sex. Nothing here progressed in the way I was expecting it, but that made it more interesting. Would like to know more of the story and the lore, but I very much enjoyed what was presented. tw: past sexual assault, murder, vore, cannibalism, sexual content & bodily fluids of the non-sexy kind or normally-non-sexy-but-definitely-sexy-in-a-weird-and-kinky-way-here kind.
A Fine Wife, Indeed: A selkie horror following a man encountering a selkie and wanting to take her as his wife. Rather typical in the way feminist selkie horrors go. I understand why they go that way often, but this one wasn't that interesting to me unfortunately. tw: murder, thoughts about sexual assault
I Gave my Heart to a Hurricane: Pretty much exactly what the title promises with a dash of erotica. Storm chasing but sexy. Fun. tw: death, could be interpreted as a suicide in a way, gore, sexual content
*FAV* Eyes Open, Knees Apart for the End of the World: Everybody deals with an impending apocalypse differently, but one dissatisfied wife decides to make the most of it, fun and I always love messy women! tw: implied mass death, murder, gore, sexual content
A Curse in the Midnight Zone: An Ariel retelling where Ariel and Ursula are two women struggling to survive in an oppressive homophobic existence, deeply sad, but also unfortunately very short. Fun tentacle stuff though. tw: homophobia, gore, sexual content
Backseat Driver: A man goes on a family trip after things have ended with his girlfriend. Something about the navigation system seems off. Fun and builds dread well, but unfortunately feels a bit long for the pay off. tw: murder, gore
*FAV* Write My Eulogy on the Gloryhole Bathroom Stall: This was a piece I've already read (& I can recommend Pleasure In Pain btw) and the reason I wanted to check out more works by the author since it had been one of my favorite pieces in the anthology. It absolutely held up on a reread and is so far also a stand out piece in this collection as well. A gorgeous piece of body horror erotica where cosmic horror, dread and arousal weave together masterfully. tw: gore, self harm/self mutilation, drugs, addiction metaphor, death, blasphemy, sexual content
The Many Lives of Becca and Gem (collection of short stories set in the same universe)
- *FAV* Mullberry Silk: The first short story introduces Becca and Gem, set in a small town of dye-makers, very interesting world building and great tense exploration of this place, I really liked it, tw: murder, suicide
- *FAV* Common Oleander: A more private look into the life of Becca and Gem where we get to know their private Garden and the way they take care of their plants, fun, I love a good poison garden, tw: murder, gore
- Of Ash and Soot: This one offers a bigger look at the rest of the world outside of the small town that Becca and Gem live in after Becca finds a little girl in a burned down building, very tense and I enjoy that it explores the unsettling sides of Becca more and more, tw: child endangerment
- Gemma Prepares to Dive: A story where Gemma follows Becca and finally finds her in a strange little town in a strange little cove, interesting and haunting, but quite different from the previous works in the Becca and Gem stories, but not too different from other works in here, tw: death, implied suicide, internalized homophobia
*FAV* Survive the Essix: A choose-your-own-adventure story following a whaling boat as they find themselves trapped in a storm, still looking for The Big One. I enjoyed the choices provided and I really loved seeing where the journey would lead. tw: whaling, murder, violence, gore, cannibalism, homophobia, mentions of racist stereotypes against Natives

[Niko Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

My emotions have rendered me completely speechless.

This compilation of emotionally charged short stories effectively delivers powerful blows to readers' sensibilities.

This book was dark and enlightening and kept me grounded during an emotional time. I was mourned into the darkness of these short stories, feeling wounded and also revitalized knowing these feelings exist outside my conscience. I was irresistibly drawn into the depths of darkness, swept away into enchanting realms, yet accompanied by a flickering unease.

The terror manifested itself in subtle and enigmatic ways. The concepts of love, eternal commitment, and enduring devotion were thoroughly examined, scrutinized, and deliberated within the confines of my thoughts and haunted me into the evening.

The literary works at hand are exquisitely crafted. The intricacy and richness of Wilde's prose boldly capture the reader's attention, evoking vivid imagery and a profound connection to the text. The use of vibrant language paints a technicolor landscape in the reader's mind, enhancing the impact of the powerful words.

This literary work caters to a wide audience, encompassing all individuals. It affirms our inherent entitlement to acquire knowledge, introspect, and confront harsh realities to reach our fullest potential until our final breath.

Wilde provided the ARC, and I am eternally grateful.
Rae Wilde

Purchase this book in advance, include it in your reading list, and pay homage to a master of the written word.

[Kay West · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sapphic short story horror collection that will have you craving toxic love.

Five unapologetic stars!
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I kept trying to find a favourite story in this collection and each one just kept outdoing the last. What connects these stories are toxic love, feminine rage and selfish desires. The prose in the writing combined with compelling characters and thought-provoking stories left me breathless.

It's always hard to rate a short story collection or an anthology, but not today! Today, this collection is 5/5. Every story was different, offering a fresh perspective while absolutely staying in the voice and style I've come to love from Rae's work.

Rae is an auto-read author for me, and I do not apologize for it. This collection will make you want to be in a toxic relationship with your girlfriend.

A few stories that left me breathless:
- Eyes Open, Knees Apart for the End of the World - A dystopian look at a woman's journey to claim her own pleasure.

- I Gave My Heart to a Hurricane - A woman falls in love with a literal hurricane - and so did I.

- Backseat driver - Will make you think twice before following your GSP.

-I am not the Ghost You Wanted - An unwanted ghost haunts a house, and now she haunts me too.

Honestly, all of these were absolute bangers and I cannot recommend this story collection highly enough.

Thank you to Rae Wilde for this ARC.

This book is best read while holding on to your lover tight, by the throat.

[heartofhorrors · Rating 5 out of 5]

A collection of violently emotional short stories that delivered some swift punches to the gut.

The three stages of the book took me on a range of different adventures, and I could not contain my excitement at the inclusion of a Choose-Your-Own-Ending tale set on the high seas!

I was drawn into the darkness and swept away into magical worlds with a sense of flickering unease. The horror was often subtle and mysterious, often raw and visceral. The taste of love turned sour lingered bitterly on my tongue.

Wilde does not waste a single word in this beautifully crafted collection. Would recommend for fans of folk and cosmic horror, who want to read disturbing stories featuring intense sapphic relationships and plenty of "good for her" moments.

ARC kindly provided by the author with no strings attached!

[Tiffany · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Sharks are never sated. They're like men in that way, always hungry, always hunting their next meal." I tend to have bad luck with anthologies. I find many of them tell just enough of a story to get you hot and bothered but, don't quite push you over the edge. Not this one, this one has you gasping for air and dripping with desire. I was trying to pinpoint a favorite and just when I had decided on one, another one would pop into my head and take its place. I'll just pick all of Part I as my favorite! Who else is craving steak for dinner?

[Stephanie Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars - the cover of this collection caught my eye immediately. It’s gorgeous! This was really enjoyable to read and I was excited every time I picked it up. The stories that repeated character names took me out of the immersion because I’d be remembering prior stories so I wish the names had been a little different. Glad I picked this up!

My favorite stories were: “A Fine Wife, Indeed”, “Write My Eulogy On The Gloryhole Bathroom Wall” (had to put my kindle down after this one!), “Mulberry Silk”, and “A Curse in the Midnight Zone”.

[Yami☕️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Favorites: Rusalya
Eyes open, Knees apart for the End of the World
Write my Eulogy on The Gloryhole Bathroom Stall
Common Oleander

Oh how I love me a good short story collection. Thank you to Rae Wilde for the arc this will definitely be a book I will rave about to the point of annoyance to my best friends 😂.

Favorite Quote: “The first time god fucked me, he wasn’t gentle.”

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I Do Not Apologize for My Position on Men is filled with tales of disparate survival, struggle, and vengeance told through unexpected and beautiful prose. A perfect read for those searching for stories of separation and addiction, desire and disaster, rage, release, and revival, and the pleasure of erotic deaths." -Ai Jiang.

I often found myself rereading certain ones after getting to the end. This was an interesting collection with one of my favorites being Backseat Driver. Thank you to the author for the ARC. Def recommend checking this collection out.

[Lydia P · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't typically write reviews, but since this book has so little written about it, I decided to.

3.5/5

This book is visceral, but the prose is beautiful. The gore can be a bit too (ok, a lot) much.

A toddler was almost killed, and as a mother of a child about that age, I almost stopped reading.

this book is more horror than anything.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I Do Not Apologize For My Position on Men by Rae Wilde is a dark delicious collection of stories that I absolutely adored. The way Rae writes sapphic horror is so addictive! There wasn’t a single story that I didn’t vibe with.

[Tanya Pell · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully grotesque and delightfully original collection of stories celebrating feminine rage and horrifying choices! Rae Knowles writes stories that leave you with a secret smile as you whisper, "That'a girl," under your breath.

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a tremendous collection. These stories are dark and unflinching, sewn through with pain and triumph and vengeance, and I loved them all. The prose is captivating. The characters are perfectly flawed and very much alive. I absolutely loved this book!

[Shelby Kaske · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed probably every other story in this collection, by far my favorite was the last one (Part III: Survive the Essex) I LOVE a good interactive story!!

A couple of them felt gross for being gross’ sake.