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If You Go
When Esther wakes with a breathing tube down her throat, she has no idea where she is or how she got there. In terrible physical condition, Esther is tended to by Grace, the only other person in the building.
In the half-consciousness of her recovery, Esther is desperate to get back to her young kids and grapples with the events of her life as they come flooding a childhood spent between warring parents; the demise of her marriage; the struggles she faced when her children were born.
Suspicious of Grace, Esther takes drastic action to escape. But there are certain facts about the reality of her situation - her place in time, her history and her life - that she will need to uncover first.
If You Go is a moving, captivating and unforgettable novel about hope and grief and family, exploring what we inherit and what we pass down.
In the half-consciousness of her recovery, Esther is desperate to get back to her young kids and grapples with the events of her life as they come flooding a childhood spent between warring parents; the demise of her marriage; the struggles she faced when her children were born.
Suspicious of Grace, Esther takes drastic action to escape. But there are certain facts about the reality of her situation - her place in time, her history and her life - that she will need to uncover first.
If You Go is a moving, captivating and unforgettable novel about hope and grief and family, exploring what we inherit and what we pass down.
264 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 25, 2024
15 people are currently reading
371 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
July 20, 2025
I went into this totally blind, so the fact it was a sci-fi THREW me when that was revealed.
I felt suffocated in the opening and I wanted it to stop (some good writing to make me feel like this!). It was a little cliche with some of the events and ‘plot twists’, and I don’t really like books that delve into marriage breakdowns and the effects on kids, so wasn’t fully for me. Still, a good read.
I felt suffocated in the opening and I wanted it to stop (some good writing to make me feel like this!). It was a little cliche with some of the events and ‘plot twists’, and I don’t really like books that delve into marriage breakdowns and the effects on kids, so wasn’t fully for me. Still, a good read.
August 27, 2024
Thank you Affirm Press for sending us a copy to read and review.
A dystopian sci fi tale of motherhood, sacrifice, ecology and loneliness captures an essence of love and longing.
Esther awakes in a strange place with no memory how she got there and who is looking after her.
To escape she needs to assess the reality of her situation.
Her past illuminates her thoughts from her own sad childhood to her unsuccessful marriage.
Environmental legacy and the guilt of leaving behind a tainted world for her children plays on her mind.
The key to escape is backtracking to how she found herself in this situation.
A well written slow burn delving into a genre that is not often on my radar. Futuristic ideals are solid reminders on how we must act now and make the world more bearable for future generations.
A dystopian sci fi tale of motherhood, sacrifice, ecology and loneliness captures an essence of love and longing.
Esther awakes in a strange place with no memory how she got there and who is looking after her.
To escape she needs to assess the reality of her situation.
Her past illuminates her thoughts from her own sad childhood to her unsuccessful marriage.
Environmental legacy and the guilt of leaving behind a tainted world for her children plays on her mind.
The key to escape is backtracking to how she found herself in this situation.
A well written slow burn delving into a genre that is not often on my radar. Futuristic ideals are solid reminders on how we must act now and make the world more bearable for future generations.
March 14, 2025
A dystopian tale that considers a number of issues around motherhood and family relationships.
I had very mixed feelings about this novel. The idea was interesting and the wordsmithing generally good, however the switches between time frames (past and present) often felt abrupt and sometimes confusing. Overall an interesting read and while I accept the author's intent was probably on the themes listed above, I felt the science and the resolutions were lacking - I wanted more.
I had very mixed feelings about this novel. The idea was interesting and the wordsmithing generally good, however the switches between time frames (past and present) often felt abrupt and sometimes confusing. Overall an interesting read and while I accept the author's intent was probably on the themes listed above, I felt the science and the resolutions were lacking - I wanted more.
July 23, 2024
This is truly sensational work. ‘If You Go’ is as life-affirming and hopeful as it is terrifying. The plot moves back and forth between the present - Esther having awoken from a cryogenic slumber, and the past - the domestic reality of her memories, focussed mainly on her experience as a mother to two small children. While this is a sci-fi novel, the science is used as a device to explore themes of legacy, freedom and responsibility for the future. How we are impacted by our care givers and how the next generation will be impacted by us - emotionally, financially, ecologically. There’s a lot in here. While much of the depiction of motherhood filled me with anxiety (I am happily childfree and this did little to change my mind), and the environmental future appears unsurprisingly bleak, the overwhelming feeling I had while reading this was of profound gratitude and acknowledgment of the life I have now. Alice’s writing is so beautiful, it’s thoughtful, wise, engaging and authentic. I couldn’t put this book down and will be reading her back catalogue for sure.
April 6, 2025
Diff to my usual go to. Dystopian read that I read for work bookclub. Wanted to hear more about what the world looked like in the future- good, different, unusual.. 3.5 stars
July 15, 2024
Firstly, the way in which Alice Robinson describes motherhood is phenomenal: achingly so. Unsentimental, dark and bitterly real, she gently conjures the complexities of love and longing, responsibility and ethics. Whilst you might come to this book anticipating a dystopian tale (ask and you shall receive) you’ll also somewhat unexpectedly be drawn into a braided narrative about sacrifice, loneliness, domesticity, memory, ecology and morality. I couldn’t put this book down.
April 13, 2025
Evocative read, a claustrophobic mother awakes in an even smaller world than her domestic life had allowed. Had to tear through it to find out what was happening.
Feels like we’re in a cultural moment of middle class and wealthy heterosexual mothers complaining full-throatedly that it’s STILL not good enough.
A well written but ultimately upsetting book.
Feels like we’re in a cultural moment of middle class and wealthy heterosexual mothers complaining full-throatedly that it’s STILL not good enough.
A well written but ultimately upsetting book.
November 28, 2024
Took me a while to get into but not what I expected at all. Felt for Esther and her journey of motherhood, divorce and surviving this world.
January 1, 2025
Sci fi is not my general go to, but I loved this one's implementation, I think because the speculative nature of it is very human centred and allows for some really profound questioning of the impact of choices on humanity and relationships. I found the sci fi really accessible and interesting. But I also loved the feminism and the deep fragile portrait of the impact of motherhood and divorce. I adored these aspects and think Alice Robinson has done a wonderful job of exploring the inner workings and emotional flow on of these things. She has created tension so crisply by jumping back and forth between times, and my experience of reading it has been to reflect on my own memories and moments, such as pictured here, and knowing by reading this book that I am not in a void on my own, even though it can feel like that at times. I could read this all over again!
May 27, 2025
In all three of her novels, Alice Robinson demonstrates a keen curiosity about the natural world and how it is changing; an analysis of the tremendous cost and the absolute joy of parenting; and a sharp and original (often dystopian or futuristic) psychological thriller narrative. IF YOU GO (Affirm Press 2024) aligns with these themes and takes the reader for a compelling journey in domestic science fiction.
The setting is contained and close, with only two main characters: Esther and Grace (although Robinson uses memories and flashbacks to flesh out their histories). Esther wakes in an unfamiliar place with a breathing tube in her throat, no idea of where she is, how she got there, what has happened, or who is the mysterious woman Grace, the only other person around. Her first thought is that she has been severely injured in an accident and that Grace must be a nurse in a hospital. But as the days pass, and nobody else appears, and the limitations of the facility become apparent, Esther becomes more and more suspicious of Grace and her motives.
All Esther wants is to get back to her young children, Clare and Wolfie, who she recalls with crystal clarity. Gradually other memories return – the dissolution of her marriage; the unrelenting difficulty and pressure of early motherhood; the complicated relationship with her own parents. Feelings of disappointment, regret, longing and fear overwhelm her, but she is physically too weak to do anything much other than what Grace tells her (or allows her) to do.
Robinson is a skilled writer and her exploration of motherhood, the parent / child bond, the choice between work and family (and the associated guilt, no matter what or how you choose), the long tail of identity and inheritance, the ways in which we shape our children, the ways we lose ourselves along the way, and the complex pattern of relationships that often repeat over time, is a triumph.
The ending felt a little rushed and not wholly satisfying. I wished for more for Esther, and also Grace. After an astounding twist, my engagement with each of them took a sharp turn, and I am (still) desperate to know why they made the choices they did, how it turned out for them, and what the wider picture of the world might have been at the time. But perhaps this is the point: every ending is ambiguous; history is only the present seen from the future; life is circular; and we cannot know now what we don’t know.
I love this line: ‘But in the end, I had only really conjured a future not dissimilar from my own life. A failure of imagination. It was cold comfort, the knowledge that this is what all well-meaning parents do for their children, uselessly: prepare them for a future completely modelled on the past.’
The setting is contained and close, with only two main characters: Esther and Grace (although Robinson uses memories and flashbacks to flesh out their histories). Esther wakes in an unfamiliar place with a breathing tube in her throat, no idea of where she is, how she got there, what has happened, or who is the mysterious woman Grace, the only other person around. Her first thought is that she has been severely injured in an accident and that Grace must be a nurse in a hospital. But as the days pass, and nobody else appears, and the limitations of the facility become apparent, Esther becomes more and more suspicious of Grace and her motives.
All Esther wants is to get back to her young children, Clare and Wolfie, who she recalls with crystal clarity. Gradually other memories return – the dissolution of her marriage; the unrelenting difficulty and pressure of early motherhood; the complicated relationship with her own parents. Feelings of disappointment, regret, longing and fear overwhelm her, but she is physically too weak to do anything much other than what Grace tells her (or allows her) to do.
Robinson is a skilled writer and her exploration of motherhood, the parent / child bond, the choice between work and family (and the associated guilt, no matter what or how you choose), the long tail of identity and inheritance, the ways in which we shape our children, the ways we lose ourselves along the way, and the complex pattern of relationships that often repeat over time, is a triumph.
The ending felt a little rushed and not wholly satisfying. I wished for more for Esther, and also Grace. After an astounding twist, my engagement with each of them took a sharp turn, and I am (still) desperate to know why they made the choices they did, how it turned out for them, and what the wider picture of the world might have been at the time. But perhaps this is the point: every ending is ambiguous; history is only the present seen from the future; life is circular; and we cannot know now what we don’t know.
I love this line: ‘But in the end, I had only really conjured a future not dissimilar from my own life. A failure of imagination. It was cold comfort, the knowledge that this is what all well-meaning parents do for their children, uselessly: prepare them for a future completely modelled on the past.’
September 29, 2024
Perhaps I'm a bit over literary novels pretending to be something else (in this case, a dystopian future), or maybe there is just so much internal musing that any reader should be expected to applaud, or maybe this novel came with too many recommendations; or maybe I was just in the mood for a different sort of novel, having had my fill of works largely plotless but filled with internal monologues.
Anyway, as you may have already guessed, I found this a bit of a slog, actually.
Esther wakes up from some sort of trauma in a vaguely hospital, institutional-type facility, being cared for by Grace, who wears scrubs and tends to her medical and physical needs, but is clearly not a trained nurse or doctor. Esther is groggy, weak, disorientated and has no memory of her past, except that she is the mother of two young children, Clare and Wolfie.
The facility is an underground bunker of sorts, located on an isolated peninsula somewhere on the windswept coast of Victoria, with rooms stacked with supplies of food, clothing and essential items. After Esther tries to escape back to her two children, she and Grace come to some sort of truce, where Esther accepts that Grace is trying to help her regain her memory and strength while Grace allows Esther to assist her with maintaining the facility, which is set up to revive clients who have died and been frozen.
After a huge storm, Esther discovers some of the mysteries about the bunker, and about Grace and her past. (I guessed this plot point well in advance so maybe that partly explains my reaction to the novel)
Ultimately, this is a novel about family relationships between generations of mothers and their daughters.
Sorry I couldn't be more positive.
Anyway, as you may have already guessed, I found this a bit of a slog, actually.
Esther wakes up from some sort of trauma in a vaguely hospital, institutional-type facility, being cared for by Grace, who wears scrubs and tends to her medical and physical needs, but is clearly not a trained nurse or doctor. Esther is groggy, weak, disorientated and has no memory of her past, except that she is the mother of two young children, Clare and Wolfie.
The facility is an underground bunker of sorts, located on an isolated peninsula somewhere on the windswept coast of Victoria, with rooms stacked with supplies of food, clothing and essential items. After Esther tries to escape back to her two children, she and Grace come to some sort of truce, where Esther accepts that Grace is trying to help her regain her memory and strength while Grace allows Esther to assist her with maintaining the facility, which is set up to revive clients who have died and been frozen.
After a huge storm, Esther discovers some of the mysteries about the bunker, and about Grace and her past. (I guessed this plot point well in advance so maybe that partly explains my reaction to the novel)
Ultimately, this is a novel about family relationships between generations of mothers and their daughters.
Sorry I couldn't be more positive.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
abandoned
July 13, 2024From the ratings here I can see that there is a lot of love for this book, and I can see why even though I gave up on it. I have liked Robinson's previous books and really admire her skill in writing... and the concept behind this 'domestic sci-fi' is clever and original.
The problem is that while Esther is recovering from the traumatic experience of cryogenic sleep, she revisits her memories of her past life. So the cryogenics aspect becomes just a sci-fi device to frame around a lot of moaning about motherhood, and a failed marriage and the mother from hell.
And I'm am just not interested in that at all. So, mildly irritated and very disappointed, I gave up at page 63.
But from the plethora of books about these issues, it's clear that Robinson's story may strike a chord with women of a different generation.
I do not rate books I don't finish.
For an opinion different to mine, see Aurelia Orr's review at: https://www.readings.com.au/reviews/i...
Or Caitlin Macdonald's more expansive review at The Conversation:
https://theconversation.com/i-had-fai...
PS I received a proof copy from the publisher but I don't read proof copies, so I read a library copy.
The problem is that while Esther is recovering from the traumatic experience of cryogenic sleep, she revisits her memories of her past life. So the cryogenics aspect becomes just a sci-fi device to frame around a lot of moaning about motherhood, and a failed marriage and the mother from hell.
And I'm am just not interested in that at all. So, mildly irritated and very disappointed, I gave up at page 63.
But from the plethora of books about these issues, it's clear that Robinson's story may strike a chord with women of a different generation.
I do not rate books I don't finish.
For an opinion different to mine, see Aurelia Orr's review at: https://www.readings.com.au/reviews/i...
Or Caitlin Macdonald's more expansive review at The Conversation:
https://theconversation.com/i-had-fai...
PS I received a proof copy from the publisher but I don't read proof copies, so I read a library copy.
August 27, 2024
If You Go by Alice Robinson is a novel that captivates with its lyrical prose and intricate exploration of motherhood, memory, and survival. The story is divided between two timelines: the past, which delves into Esther's complex relationship with her mother and her own experiences as a mother of two, and a dystopian future where Esther awakens 100 years after her death in a ravaged world with only the enigmatic Grace for company.
Robinson's writing is undeniably beautiful, weaving together evocative descriptions and deep emotional undercurrents that draw you into Esther's inner world. The way she navigates the themes of family, loss, and the passage of time is both poignant and thought-provoking.
However, the book's slow pace was a significant drawback. While the deliberate unfolding of the narrative allows for a rich exploration of character and theme, it may be too languid for readers who prefer a more dynamic or fast-paced story. For me, the pacing made it difficult to stay engaged, even as I appreciated the novel's artistic merits.
In conclusion, If You Go is a beautifully written novel that will appeal to readers who enjoy introspective and meditative stories, though its slow pace may be a hurdle for those seeking a more engaging read.
Robinson's writing is undeniably beautiful, weaving together evocative descriptions and deep emotional undercurrents that draw you into Esther's inner world. The way she navigates the themes of family, loss, and the passage of time is both poignant and thought-provoking.
However, the book's slow pace was a significant drawback. While the deliberate unfolding of the narrative allows for a rich exploration of character and theme, it may be too languid for readers who prefer a more dynamic or fast-paced story. For me, the pacing made it difficult to stay engaged, even as I appreciated the novel's artistic merits.
In conclusion, If You Go is a beautifully written novel that will appeal to readers who enjoy introspective and meditative stories, though its slow pace may be a hurdle for those seeking a more engaging read.
December 29, 2024
Oh I really really wanted to love this book, but apart from the last 100 pages, it was one of the most difficult, dragged out contemplative reads for me. Look if you are in a space where mulling over negative and unfulfilling life experiences and stages gives you vindication, or you are seeking to not feel alone in your childhood experiences of parental separation and mother wounds, as well as the impact of that on your own parenting capacities… then this is your book.
But do not go into this book in the hope for a compelling speculative dystopian read. The plot only really unfolds in the last 100 pages, and the end finale in the last few pages is just more contemplation and reflection of life the MC protagonist Esther felt she should have appreciated more.
Obviously the author is talented in her talent of literacy of contemplation and reflection, and honestly if it was not for Robinson’s talent of words beautifully expressed, I would have had a DNF book in my shelf, but just not the entertainment and speculative dystopian I had believed I was getting into.
But do not go into this book in the hope for a compelling speculative dystopian read. The plot only really unfolds in the last 100 pages, and the end finale in the last few pages is just more contemplation and reflection of life the MC protagonist Esther felt she should have appreciated more.
Obviously the author is talented in her talent of literacy of contemplation and reflection, and honestly if it was not for Robinson’s talent of words beautifully expressed, I would have had a DNF book in my shelf, but just not the entertainment and speculative dystopian I had believed I was getting into.
February 25, 2025
Our Review...
Esther wakes up with a breathing tube down her throat and no idea where she is or how she got there but she is desperate to find her kids and hopes that Grace, the only other person there, can help her.
Robinson’s way of drip feeding memories and fragments of events, clues to Esther’s past and present, make it the epitome of a page turner. It delves into grief, sacrifice, love and loss in a genre melding story.
This is a poignant and gripping story that forces us to think about the meaning of life and legacy and will appeal to those who loved Jessica Au’s “Cold Enough for Snow”, Martin McInnes’ “In Ascension” or any of Charlotte Wood’s novels.
Review by Katina @ Great Escape Books
Esther wakes up with a breathing tube down her throat and no idea where she is or how she got there but she is desperate to find her kids and hopes that Grace, the only other person there, can help her.
Robinson’s way of drip feeding memories and fragments of events, clues to Esther’s past and present, make it the epitome of a page turner. It delves into grief, sacrifice, love and loss in a genre melding story.
This is a poignant and gripping story that forces us to think about the meaning of life and legacy and will appeal to those who loved Jessica Au’s “Cold Enough for Snow”, Martin McInnes’ “In Ascension” or any of Charlotte Wood’s novels.
Review by Katina @ Great Escape Books
July 29, 2024
Interesting concept; well written; but glacially slow. Hard to write a review without giving away too much. This is another future climate dystopia, but this time a very internal reflection on families and parenting (especially being a mum). Very little happens. And I found the "present day" action far more interesting and easier to follow than the memories of "the past", which bounced around a often took a while to place in the narrative.
November 8, 2024
I really wanted to like this, as I had enjoyed Robinson’s earlier novel, The Glad Shout. There were some interesting elements: the central character has awoken locked in a strange facility and needs to work out what happened. The tension gradually dissipates throughout the book, comprising a big revelation, reflections on Esther’s own relationships and thoughts about the future. Another somewhat dystopian tale, but it meandered a little too much.
December 28, 2024
DNF - I had such high hopes for this book, I feel that so much could have been done with the plot, as it was a really cool concept and I was keen to see what the author did with it. However when I got half way into the book and still nothing had happened other than some aimless wandering and some halfhearted dialogue, I put the book down and didn't pick it up again until I got the message to return it to the library. A real shame as the plot had such potential. Wouldn't recommend this one.
April 10, 2025
I can see what the author was going for here, but it just didn’t hit the mark for me. The examination of family dynamics and who we are as individuals vs the roles we inhabit in families was interesting, but could have been executed a little more meaningfully. I was also surprised at the sudden sci-fi/dystopian turn it took about a third of the way in - wasn’t what I was expecting considering the blurb.
July 25, 2025
The intensity of the initial scene setting is amazing, but then a bit slow to progress and tension falls a bit flat in the middle third but I got much more into it for the last part. I did find it interesting all the seemingly small details in the reflections on her life and relationships that were given more weight in the context of mortality and legacy, but overall was a bit too heavy on this and too light on the wider dystopian surroundings and sci fi for my liking.
August 28, 2025
4.5. Honestly, I thought this was so well written. The writing on motherhood and decisions that affect generations was very engaging. The back-and-forth jump between timelines made sense to me as she grappled with what happened to her and why she was there. The subject matter (divorce with kids) can be complicated, but I thought the writing was engaging. The ending felt rushed, especially compared to the overall pacing of the book
July 24, 2024
Alice Robinson’s If You Go is marketed as speculative fiction, when in fact it’s a book about recollection and grief - the dystopia aspect is just a side hustle. It’s morose and self indulgent - at times the prose borders on the melodramatic. Both mother and daughter are unlikeable and cast themselves as victims. It’s very difficult to care for either of them. I found it a hard slog.
August 21, 2024
This book is odd
I felt like I missed something.
I get that this mother has put herself to sleep but I feel like I missed why. Or why wasn’t explained in detail to miss the rest of her children’s lives. I listened and the narrator was fine but the copy has a awful static noise maybe every three minutes I’m guessing this is just the copy of the audio
I felt like I missed something.
I get that this mother has put herself to sleep but I feel like I missed why. Or why wasn’t explained in detail to miss the rest of her children’s lives. I listened and the narrator was fine but the copy has a awful static noise maybe every three minutes I’m guessing this is just the copy of the audio
July 5, 2025
I think this one had a bit too much of the protagonist's inner world and not enough of her outer world, for my taste. She really is a bit self involved and not very curious. I was so relieved when she, finally, got outside, right towards the end! Very interesting premise and also well written.
July 14, 2024
A great thriller premise, believable light dystopia themes, but mostly a very moving book about family, generational cycles and healing/not healing.
August 16, 2024
Gloriously detailed, dripping with similes, if you love to eat up delectable prose, then you'll love this
September 6, 2024
Very well written and robustly themed, with one of the laxest, blandest plots I’ve come across in months.
October 9, 2024
Well written and well crafted, but I found myself unable to connect with the story or the characters
Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews