Not Some Random Clown: A Youth Football Coaching Legend's Rise to Glory

by Three Year Letterman

Set in a small town in Northeast Georgia, Not Some Random Clown chronicles the rise of Three Year Letterman, America's most beloved youth football coaching legend. Coach Letterman still wears his high school football letter jacket proudly in his mid-thirties and is a rabid Unviersity of Georgia football fan. After getting fired as a youth football defensive backs coach during a contentious encounter at a funeral home in 2013, Coach Letterman swears revenge and spends the next two years attempting to create the most dominant youth football team in America. His win-at-all-costs tactics include falsifying residency papers, recruiting players who are clearly over the league's age limit, hiring legal counsel, intentionally making his "useless" players quit, and bribing a vice principal to change grades. These methods and his general attitude toward life, which prioritizes football success and belittles any academic or artistic endeavor, frequently brings him into conflict with his players' parents, league officials, opposing coaches, and even his own family members.

This book provides a panorama of life in small town Northeast Georgia by introducing many of the colorful characters in Coach Letterman's life, including Dale Chosewood, his volatile best friend and defensive coordinator, Uncle Gary, his uncle who drives a tractor-trailer without a CDL and loves Hooters, Barb Wade, a chainsmoking former WPBA player who rules the local bowling alley with an iron fist, his cousin Brad, a workers’ compensation attorney who failed the bar exam several times, and Leon Sutton, his offensive assistant who is on probation for selling bootlegged DVDs. His memorable players include the DT with the Rat Tail, the Likely Overage QB with Tracings of a Mustache, "Chainsaw" Wade, the Piccolo Player, the Ventriloquist, the Vegan, and Lord Stonehands, a British exchange student Coach Letterman drafts by mistake.

Not Some Random Clown is masterpiece of Southern literature that won't soon be forgotten.

Genres: Sports

146 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 29, 2024

Reviews

[Nathanael Herup · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspirational

This is the greatest American book since the Bible. This is what President Franklin fought for: a country where people like Coach Letterman can rise to greatness.

[Andrew Schroeder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely fantastic book. I cannot thank Coach enough for sharing his insights. Coach has inspired me so much that I am going to make sure my nephews start the redshirting process in Pre-K.

[Becky marino · Rating 5 out of 5]

3 thumbs up

I laughed - I cried - I made a commitment to be give my full alliance to Coach. I can’t wait to read this book to my kindergarten classes and train them up in the way they should go. My only question is, how can I most honor Coach, influence? Facial ratio? Waterbed purchase? Start a notary public appreciation day? All of the above? Thank you my mentor and inspiration.

[Nooilforpacifists · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you don’t follow Coach Letterman on Twitter (@3YearLetterman), this short comic novel might be confusing. Then again, it might not, because Coach actually parks an arc of plotline here that’s often absent from his shorter Tweets.

A few things about Coach: he’s a learned man. He’ll sing praises of America’s greatest President, Benjamin Franklin, often, especially because Franklin also invented electricity. (And it would be difficult to write without electricity.) Coach also will talk of the second greatest President, Gerald Ford, who also invented the automobile. (And who could get laid in the backseat without a Ford?)

This book describes Coach’s second season as a youth football coach. (Is youth still a word? One hardly sees it anymore.) This season has a better outcome than his first season—but not just because of the team’s record. This season winds up being more fulfilling because Coach manages an epiphany with several dumbasses and weak kneed players that Coach originally drafts in the belief they will be the first to quit (everyone’s got to play for one full quarter, you see).

They don’t quit. Instead, they go on to glory I’m sure they never dreamed. Nor did their parents envision at the season’s start—though even the parents re-assess by they time of the championship. And at the end, the game comes down to one final play, with the ball in the hand of the awkward squad.

Coach Letterman, BTW, was a three-year Letterman as a blocking Wide Receiver in High School. He lives in North East Georgia, and bleeds for the Bulldogs and the SEC (in that order). Fans of Auburn, Alabama, or Nick Saban, be warned!

[Kevin Furr · Rating 4 out of 5]

*** The 2nd book by satirical Twitter personality 3YearLetterman ***

The second book by @3YearLetterman, a satirical account on Twitter, who purports to be a youth football coaching legend (and not some random clown). As he often reminds us, "Coach" is a one-percenter who makes $35.27 an hour, drives a fully loaded 2013 Ford Taurus, bought a waterbed with cash, has a credit score starting with 6 ... and now proudly possesses fully-carpeted bathrooms.

On Twitter, aside from commenting on sports and his own exploits, Coach offers abundant commentary on legal matters, politics, and constitutional law -- frequently trolling the unwary who react angrily to his nonsense (it has been reported that the anonymous man behind the account is a lawyer and University of Georgia fan). But this book is about Coach Letterman's football life.

It's a coaching biography, telling how Coach Letterman got involved in coaching 10-year-olds in the first place, and recounting anecdotes of his first two seasons as head coach. As always the only priority is winning: "An hour in the weightroom is more valuable than a lifetime in the classroom". Distractions such as pets and homework are forbidden in season.

Coach brings in a cast of characters: best friend Dale; Uncle Gary; Cousin Brad the worker's comp lawyer; Cousin Shane; Coach's brother and sister and their spouses. Also seen are the weak players whom he tries to drive off the team since he's not allowed to just cut them: the Piccolo Player; the Ventriloquist; British exchange student Lord Stonehands; and above all, the Vegan. In a heartwarming turn of events, some of those players redeem themselves with heroic moments.

[Dan Blumes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was on my third order of bottomless wings at Beef O’Bradys, but at the same time I was sixteen sticky pages into Not Some Random Clown. It was the most I ever read in my life.

The truckers in the booth behind me kept laughing and flicking fries my way. I understood, reading in public is just like asking to be stuffed in a locker.

But I didn’t care. There was Buffalo sauce and blue cheese spattered all over my face and hands, but I knew I was doing something special. I made it a couple more pages before my brain muscles gave up and the pages got stuck together.

That was the closet I ever came to lettering.

[Secret Agent Gavin Ritsema · Rating 5 out of 5]

Coach gives a detailed account of his struggles to turn door handles, gargantuan DVD collection, fully loaded Ford Taurus, and of course his waterbed purchased without financing. I don't usually recommend reading, preferring time spent in the weight room, but this book radiates excellence and is not to be missed.

[Joe Schmeling · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life

Probably the greatest and most motivating book I’ve read in my entire life. We should all take Coach’s life lessons to heart. A true heartfelt story of facing adversity head on and persevering. Coach faced many obstacles like school administrators pressuring him to put academics above sports but Coach would have none of that.

[Dalen · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're reading this book, you already know that Coach is a great American following in the tradition of President Franklin and helping to stop the spread of communism by bullying vegan youth football players. I think that Coach would be proud to know that reading this book actually made me dumber as a result.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is quintessential reading. I would put this piece of literature up there with the likes of the Declaration of Independence, the US constitution, and the federalists papers. Written by the most prominent notary public this country has ever know. Yore going to love this book.

[Jason · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspirational. Life changing. Only a notary public could write such a moving story. Looking forward to the next book from Coach Letterman - maybe a biography of Ben Franklin, focusing on his 2 terms as President.

[Shelby Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious

[Rob Merryman · Rating 5 out of 5]

An exercise in bombastic hyperbole! A fast and fun read. I laughed at the situations in the book while also cringing from the knowledge that it isn’t that far from reality.

[Ricardo Arrechea · Rating 3 out of 5]

99 cent purchase... And yeah. As expected.

[Zilan Tarif · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simply an American classic, right up there with Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, It, and All Quiet on the Western Front.