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Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work
Not yet published
Expected 31 Oct 25Trauma, attachment wounds and external criticism can leave us battling a sense of shame and inadequacy that can keep us from thriving personally and in relationships. In Transforming the Shame Triangle, integrative therapist Jessica Fern and restorative justice facilitator David Cooley use a synthesis of Internal Family Systems and Narrative Process to identify the three parts that they identify as the greatest barriers to achieving the life we want.
The Inner Critic, Shame and the Escaper are players in an internalized drama triangle, acting as perpetrator, victim and rescuer. Together, they create the Shame Triangle, which can trap us in ineffective survival strategies that prevent us from embracing and expressing our true selves.
Through practical exercises and accessible explanations, readers are guided to shift from a state of self-critique to one of self-support—transforming the Shame Triangle to a love triangle. Using parts work, Fern and Cooley open a path to healing and transformation, building a foundation of authenticity and integrity in self and connections, and ultimately creating a more fulfilling life.
The Inner Critic, Shame and the Escaper are players in an internalized drama triangle, acting as perpetrator, victim and rescuer. Together, they create the Shame Triangle, which can trap us in ineffective survival strategies that prevent us from embracing and expressing our true selves.
Through practical exercises and accessible explanations, readers are guided to shift from a state of self-critique to one of self-support—transforming the Shame Triangle to a love triangle. Using parts work, Fern and Cooley open a path to healing and transformation, building a foundation of authenticity and integrity in self and connections, and ultimately creating a more fulfilling life.
336 pages, Paperback
Expected publication October 31, 2025
2221 people want to read
About the author
Jessica Fern
14 books224 followersJessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker, and trauma and relationship expert. In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles, and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love.
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
June 29, 2025
This psychological resource was easy to understand and based on Frances Shapiro's work. I am a LCSW and information in this book hit the mail on the head. It was an easy to understand resource, that will definitely impact the way I handle feelings of shame with my clients.
July 1, 2025
Transforming the Shame Triangle: From Shame to Love Using Parts Work – A Compassionate Roadmap to Healing
Rating: 4.7/5
Jessica Fern and David Cooley’s Transforming the Shame Triangle is a groundbreaking synthesis of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Narrative Therapy that offers a lifeline to anyone shackled by shame, self-criticism, or the exhausting cycle of emotional escape. As someone who has grappled with the relentless voice of the Inner Critic, I found this book both academically rigorous and deeply personal—a rare combination that left me alternating between underlining passages and pausing to process emotional revelations.
Why This Book Stands Out
The authors’ innovative Shame Triangle framework—comprising the Inner Critic (perpetrator), Shame (victim), and Escaper (rescuer)—brilliantly maps how these parts interact to trap us in survival mode. What sets this apart from other self-help texts is its actionable approach: Fern and Cooley don’t just diagnose the problem; they provide concrete exercises to dismantle the triangle and rebuild with self-compassion. Their integration of IFS (working with internal parts) and Narrative Therapy (rewriting harmful self-stories) feels fresh and clinically sound.
Emotional Resonance & Practical Impact
Reading this book was like undergoing gentle therapy. The chapters on the Escaper (the part that numbs or flees from shame) hit particularly hard—I recognized my own coping mechanisms in vivid detail. Yet, the tone never veers into judgment. Instead, the authors guide readers toward curiosity and empathy for their own protective parts. The exercises (e.g., dialoguing with the Inner Critic, mapping shame triggers) are transformative if practiced consistently. By the final chapter, I felt equipped with tools to interrupt shame spirals in real time.
Constructive Criticism
While the book excels in theory and application, some readers might crave more diverse case studies or examples beyond heteronormative relationships (a common gap in parts-work literature). Additionally, the IFS-Narrative blend, though effective, occasionally risks feeling jargon-heavy for beginners; a glossary or simplified recap boxes could enhance accessibility.
Final Verdict
Transforming the Shame Triangle is a must-read for therapists, trauma survivors, and anyone weary of battling their own mind. It’s not a quick fix—it demands introspection and patience—but the payoff is profound: a roadmap from self-rejection to self-love.
Thank you to Edelweiss and Thornapple Press for the gifted copy. This book is a testament to Fern and Cooley’s expertise and compassion, offering not just insight but embodied change. Pair it with a journal and an open heart—you’ll need both.
For fans of: No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, and The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
Rating: 4.7/5
Jessica Fern and David Cooley’s Transforming the Shame Triangle is a groundbreaking synthesis of Internal Family Systems (IFS) and Narrative Therapy that offers a lifeline to anyone shackled by shame, self-criticism, or the exhausting cycle of emotional escape. As someone who has grappled with the relentless voice of the Inner Critic, I found this book both academically rigorous and deeply personal—a rare combination that left me alternating between underlining passages and pausing to process emotional revelations.
Why This Book Stands Out
The authors’ innovative Shame Triangle framework—comprising the Inner Critic (perpetrator), Shame (victim), and Escaper (rescuer)—brilliantly maps how these parts interact to trap us in survival mode. What sets this apart from other self-help texts is its actionable approach: Fern and Cooley don’t just diagnose the problem; they provide concrete exercises to dismantle the triangle and rebuild with self-compassion. Their integration of IFS (working with internal parts) and Narrative Therapy (rewriting harmful self-stories) feels fresh and clinically sound.
Emotional Resonance & Practical Impact
Reading this book was like undergoing gentle therapy. The chapters on the Escaper (the part that numbs or flees from shame) hit particularly hard—I recognized my own coping mechanisms in vivid detail. Yet, the tone never veers into judgment. Instead, the authors guide readers toward curiosity and empathy for their own protective parts. The exercises (e.g., dialoguing with the Inner Critic, mapping shame triggers) are transformative if practiced consistently. By the final chapter, I felt equipped with tools to interrupt shame spirals in real time.
Constructive Criticism
While the book excels in theory and application, some readers might crave more diverse case studies or examples beyond heteronormative relationships (a common gap in parts-work literature). Additionally, the IFS-Narrative blend, though effective, occasionally risks feeling jargon-heavy for beginners; a glossary or simplified recap boxes could enhance accessibility.
Final Verdict
Transforming the Shame Triangle is a must-read for therapists, trauma survivors, and anyone weary of battling their own mind. It’s not a quick fix—it demands introspection and patience—but the payoff is profound: a roadmap from self-rejection to self-love.
Thank you to Edelweiss and Thornapple Press for the gifted copy. This book is a testament to Fern and Cooley’s expertise and compassion, offering not just insight but embodied change. Pair it with a journal and an open heart—you’ll need both.
For fans of: No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz, Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff, and The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews