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What My Father and I Don't Talk About: Sixteen Writers Break the Silence
A follow-up to the wildly successful What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About, this collection of essays from sixteen notable writers breaks the silence on the complex—and sometimes contentious—relationships we have with our fathers.
What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About has become a rare gem in the literary world. Both a viral sensation online and chosen by Oprah Daily as one of the best nonfiction books of the past two decades, it is an essential collection that dives into the personal and poignant topics we often struggle to discuss with those who are meant to know and love us best.
This captivating follow-up, edited by Michele Filgate, tackles the intricate and challenging relationships we have with our dads, breaking the silence around these vital connections. Andrew Altschul reflects on the life-altering experience of becoming a father and how it reshaped his view of his own dad’s parenting. Isle McElroy shares memories of Saturdays spent tagging along as their father fixed up the homes of their wealthier neighbors. Jaquira Díaz delves into her father’s history in 1970s Williamsburg, uncovering the roots of their shared restlessness. Tomás Q. Morín paints a raw portrait of an absentee father, while Kelly McMasters portrays a loving and dedicated one. Maurice Carlos Ruffin insightfully captures a father who communicated through his integrity rather than words. Jiordan Castle reveals how we can love our fathers from a distance and Susan Muaddi Darraj explores the particular challenges of “eldest daughter syndrome” as a daughter of Palestinian immigrants.
With moments that are both humorous and deeply moving, this anthology is the second act that many have been eagerly waiting for.
Contributions by Michele Filgate, Andrew Altschul, Alez Marzano-Lesnevich, Maurice Carlos Ruffin, Dylan Landis, Jaquira Díaz, Kelly McMasters, Isle McElroy, Susan Muaddi Darraj, Tomás Q. Morín, Robin Reif, Heather Sellers, Jiordan Castle, Nayomi Munaweera, Joanna Rakoff, and Julie Buntin.
What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About has become a rare gem in the literary world. Both a viral sensation online and chosen by Oprah Daily as one of the best nonfiction books of the past two decades, it is an essential collection that dives into the personal and poignant topics we often struggle to discuss with those who are meant to know and love us best.
This captivating follow-up, edited by Michele Filgate, tackles the intricate and challenging relationships we have with our dads, breaking the silence around these vital connections. Andrew Altschul reflects on the life-altering experience of becoming a father and how it reshaped his view of his own dad’s parenting. Isle McElroy shares memories of Saturdays spent tagging along as their father fixed up the homes of their wealthier neighbors. Jaquira Díaz delves into her father’s history in 1970s Williamsburg, uncovering the roots of their shared restlessness. Tomás Q. Morín paints a raw portrait of an absentee father, while Kelly McMasters portrays a loving and dedicated one. Maurice Carlos Ruffin insightfully captures a father who communicated through his integrity rather than words. Jiordan Castle reveals how we can love our fathers from a distance and Susan Muaddi Darraj explores the particular challenges of “eldest daughter syndrome” as a daughter of Palestinian immigrants.
With moments that are both humorous and deeply moving, this anthology is the second act that many have been eagerly waiting for.
Contributions by Michele Filgate, Andrew Altschul, Alez Marzano-Lesnevich, Maurice Carlos Ruffin, Dylan Landis, Jaquira Díaz, Kelly McMasters, Isle McElroy, Susan Muaddi Darraj, Tomás Q. Morín, Robin Reif, Heather Sellers, Jiordan Castle, Nayomi Munaweera, Joanna Rakoff, and Julie Buntin.
320 pages, Hardcover
Published May 6, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 48 reviews
February 28, 2025
The amazing follow-up to the ravishing essay collection, What My Mother and I Don't Talk About: Fifteen Writers Break the Silence. It’s THE book that we have all been waiting for. Of course by we, I mean me.
Contributions by Michele Filgate, Andrew Altschul, Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, Maurice Carlos Ruffin, Dylan Landis, Jaquira Díaz, Kelly McMasters, Isle McElroy, Susan Muaddi Darraj, Tomás Q. Morín, Robin Reif, Heather Sellers, Jiordan Castle, Nayomi Munaweera, Joanna Rakoff, and Julie Buntin.
Fathers are complicated beings, hard to pin down, and as I read through this collection, I found myself picking out moments from my past with my own father—a very stoic and strong-willed but silly, sarcastic man—that have shaped our relationship. You see, my father is a man that never mumbled the words “I love you” to me (as far as I remember) until I was out of the house but I never blamed him. He was a man who was never taught emotional expression and was likely shamed for any that he did show from his own father. But I have learned to recognize—and this book has taught me to appreciate—the ways in which my father chooses to express his love to me: his insistence on waiting for me to be home to build his garden this year, his text that included a picture of his visit to my favorite local cafe to buy my favorite kombucha, him pointing out a rosemary bush to me because I taught him how to recognize them, his willingness to try my fried tofu even though he’s a meat and potatoes man through and through and adamantly resists trying anything new. As I read this book, I felt my heart growing ever-more tender towards the man that my father is and the path that made him, him.
Each essay cuts deep with fierce and brutal honesty, inviting readers in to a small piece of each authors family history with their father. So many of the essays within this collection felt achingly relatable, even if only for a sliver of time. What strikes me the most about this collection is its breadth, not only in the contributors themselves but the stories that they tell. Offering the good, the bad, and the ugly of fatherhood and being fathered, What My Father and I Don’t Talk About has the ability to be an intensely emotional and devastating read while also offering glimmers of joy and hope. Similar to the predecessor, I will be thinking about this book for a long time.
Thank you Simon & Schuster for the early copy in exchange for an honest review. Available May 6 2025
Contributions by Michele Filgate, Andrew Altschul, Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, Maurice Carlos Ruffin, Dylan Landis, Jaquira Díaz, Kelly McMasters, Isle McElroy, Susan Muaddi Darraj, Tomás Q. Morín, Robin Reif, Heather Sellers, Jiordan Castle, Nayomi Munaweera, Joanna Rakoff, and Julie Buntin.
Fathers are complicated beings, hard to pin down, and as I read through this collection, I found myself picking out moments from my past with my own father—a very stoic and strong-willed but silly, sarcastic man—that have shaped our relationship. You see, my father is a man that never mumbled the words “I love you” to me (as far as I remember) until I was out of the house but I never blamed him. He was a man who was never taught emotional expression and was likely shamed for any that he did show from his own father. But I have learned to recognize—and this book has taught me to appreciate—the ways in which my father chooses to express his love to me: his insistence on waiting for me to be home to build his garden this year, his text that included a picture of his visit to my favorite local cafe to buy my favorite kombucha, him pointing out a rosemary bush to me because I taught him how to recognize them, his willingness to try my fried tofu even though he’s a meat and potatoes man through and through and adamantly resists trying anything new. As I read this book, I felt my heart growing ever-more tender towards the man that my father is and the path that made him, him.
Each essay cuts deep with fierce and brutal honesty, inviting readers in to a small piece of each authors family history with their father. So many of the essays within this collection felt achingly relatable, even if only for a sliver of time. What strikes me the most about this collection is its breadth, not only in the contributors themselves but the stories that they tell. Offering the good, the bad, and the ugly of fatherhood and being fathered, What My Father and I Don’t Talk About has the ability to be an intensely emotional and devastating read while also offering glimmers of joy and hope. Similar to the predecessor, I will be thinking about this book for a long time.
Thank you Simon & Schuster for the early copy in exchange for an honest review. Available May 6 2025
March 1, 2025
This is a great follow-on book to What My Mother and I Don't Talk About: Fifteen Writers Break the Silence. Like any collection of essays, there's fantastic ones and some that are more ho-hum. But for me, these essays escalated in quality pretty steadily as the book went on, so the second half was just really strong.
The concept of both these books is to find really great writers and give them the freedom to express their feelings on their relationships with their parents. I think many people, especially children of divorce, will be able to relate to the complex emotions involved. I know I did.
Many of the essays focused on the yearning for fathers and how that desire often really goes unfulfilled, leaving a hole in both identity and the heart. I was moved for these now adults. The child within is never quite left behind.
Highly recommend both these books. I hope Filgate continues with the series by taking on the parent's perspective on their children.
The concept of both these books is to find really great writers and give them the freedom to express their feelings on their relationships with their parents. I think many people, especially children of divorce, will be able to relate to the complex emotions involved. I know I did.
Many of the essays focused on the yearning for fathers and how that desire often really goes unfulfilled, leaving a hole in both identity and the heart. I was moved for these now adults. The child within is never quite left behind.
Highly recommend both these books. I hope Filgate continues with the series by taking on the parent's perspective on their children.
May 27, 2025
Surprise surprise, this was incredible.
I am SO grateful to Michele Filgate and all those whose words are included here. Just like What My Mother and I Don't Talk About, this is heartwarming and heartbreaking and will make you reflect on your childhood and helps give context to the parent you do or do not hope to grow into.
My only complaint with What My Mother and I Don't Talk About was that man- and boyhood wasn't really addressed (understandably so). This has filled that gap and then some.
(Thank you bunches to Michele Filgate, Andrew Altschul, Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, Maurice Carlos Ruffin, Dylan Landis, Jaquira Díaz, Kelly McMasters, Isle McElroy, Susan Muaddi Darraj, Tomás Q. Morín, Robin Reif, Heather Sellers, Jiordan Castle, Nayomi Munaweera, Joanna Rakoff, Julie Buntin and NetGalley for the DRC in exchange for an honest review!)
This book is phenomenal and everyone should read it.
I am SO grateful to Michele Filgate and all those whose words are included here. Just like What My Mother and I Don't Talk About, this is heartwarming and heartbreaking and will make you reflect on your childhood and helps give context to the parent you do or do not hope to grow into.
My only complaint with What My Mother and I Don't Talk About was that man- and boyhood wasn't really addressed (understandably so). This has filled that gap and then some.
(Thank you bunches to Michele Filgate, Andrew Altschul, Alex Marzano-Lesnevich, Maurice Carlos Ruffin, Dylan Landis, Jaquira Díaz, Kelly McMasters, Isle McElroy, Susan Muaddi Darraj, Tomás Q. Morín, Robin Reif, Heather Sellers, Jiordan Castle, Nayomi Munaweera, Joanna Rakoff, Julie Buntin and NetGalley for the DRC in exchange for an honest review!)
This book is phenomenal and everyone should read it.
February 6, 2025
Thank you to Simon & Schuster and Net Galley for the Advanced Reader Copy of What My Father and I Don’t Talk About by Michele Filgate.
This was a good read, though, I don’t know that I was who this book was intended for. It was fascinating to read about the experiences different folks had in their relationship with their fathers. Some were good, some did their best, and some struggled. This was a raw look at the relationship between father and child.
While I couldn’t always relate with the different authors, I was able to take so much from their experiences to carry with me as I continue to learn how to be a father to my own children.
This was a good read, though, I don’t know that I was who this book was intended for. It was fascinating to read about the experiences different folks had in their relationship with their fathers. Some were good, some did their best, and some struggled. This was a raw look at the relationship between father and child.
While I couldn’t always relate with the different authors, I was able to take so much from their experiences to carry with me as I continue to learn how to be a father to my own children.
April 27, 2025
What My Father and I Don’t Talk About by Michele Filgate and various other authors.
Nonfiction
Writing: A
Stories: A
Style: A
Best Aspect: Separate short stories by each author made this a quick read. My favorites were Little Boy Blue and the And in the Moon and It Would Happen Again.
Worst Aspect: Some stories could have been longer and some short.
Recommend: Yes.
Nonfiction
Writing: A
Stories: A
Style: A
Best Aspect: Separate short stories by each author made this a quick read. My favorites were Little Boy Blue and the And in the Moon and It Would Happen Again.
Worst Aspect: Some stories could have been longer and some short.
Recommend: Yes.
January 23, 2025
Moving and deeply relatable, this collection explores the many faces of the fathers, from the loving and the humorous to the absent and the terrifying. Each essay invites us into a different world and a different childhood, but in each, this complex and fraught paternal relationship finds throughlines of tenderness and vulnerability. What My Father and I Don't Talk About will have readers seeing in powerful new light the relationship that has shaped their lives and sense of self.
May 20, 2025
In this deeply moving anthology, editor Michele Filgate assembles an emotional tour de force that excavates the complicated territory of father-child relationships with unflinching honesty. Following her wildly successful "What My Mother and I Don't Talk About," Filgate returns with sixteen writers who wade into memories both tender and traumatic, examining what remains unspoken between fathers and their children.
Each essay contains multitudes—the joy and pain, absence and presence, freedom and constraint that characterize the ineffable bonds between fathers and their children. What emerges is a nuanced exploration that defies easy categorization and challenges readers to confront their own unspoken familial truths.
The Symphony of Silences
The collection opens with Filgate's own essay, "Thumbs-up," where she reflects on her relationship with her father, a man who showed love through text messages ending with a simple thumbs-up emoji. She writes of visiting him in a nursing home, revealing how they navigate across the silence that has grown between them. This moment of quiet connection—discussing birds rather than addressing the deeper current of his decline—perfectly sets the tone for the anthology. What's missing from the conversation often speaks volumes.
The strength of this collection lies in its diversity of experiences and its refusal to offer tidy conclusions. Some fathers are absent; others are overbearing. Some relationships are marked by trauma; others by quieter disappointments or unexpected joys. The anthology's essays reflect these realities without judgment, allowing complexity to breathe through every page.
The Range of Paternal Experience
The most affecting essays plunge readers into moments that simultaneously wound and heal:
- In "Little Boy Blue & the Man in the Moon," Andrew Altschul explores the complicated divide between becoming a father and understanding his own father's emotional distance. He writes of watching his father sleeping on the couch: "I envied his quick-wittedness, the easy humor with which he circulated at a party. His ease in the world amazed me. As I grew toward manhood, it shamed me. How would I ever live up to it?"
- Isle McElroy's heartbreaking "Operation" utilizes the structure of the childhood game to dissect fragments of a relationship with an absent father, concluding with the poignant line: "Life's full of plenty of chances for us to get this right."
- Robin Reif's "The Son" explores the impossible position of being a daughter yearning for the connection and approval reserved for sons in patriarchal families.
- In perhaps the collection's most emotionally raw piece, Julie Buntin's "I Was So Hopeful for You" navigates the author's concurrent experiences of becoming a mother while reconnecting with a father who abandoned her in infancy, revealing how parenthood reshapes our understanding of those who raised—or failed to raise—us.
The Legacy of Absence
A recurring theme throughout the anthology is the vast impact of paternal absence, whether physical or emotional. As Maurice Carlos Ruffin writes in "Body Languages," "Who was I without my brother? I'd become myself in relation to him." Many essays explore how children create identities in response to fatherly vacuums, crafting themselves either in opposition to or alignment with these ghostly presences.
The collection excels at illustrating how we inherit not just genetic traits but emotional patterns from our fathers. In "His Legacy, My Inheritance," Nayomi Munaweera examines her father's arranged marriage and its ripple effects through generations. Kelly McMasters' lyrical "Roots & Rhizomes" uses botanical metaphors to explore how her father's love of plants shaped her own understanding of connection and resilience.
The Cultural Context
Several essays address how cultural expectations shape father-child dynamics. Susan Muaddi Darraj's "Baba Peels Apples for Me" offers a poignant exploration of "eldest daughter syndrome" in Palestinian immigrant families. Jaquira Díaz's "Un Verano en Nueva York" connects her father's rootlessness to the larger Puerto Rican diaspora experience. These essays importantly situate individual father-child relationships within broader social and cultural frameworks.
Critical Considerations
While the anthology presents a remarkable breadth of perspectives, a few essays occasionally lean toward the self-indulgent, getting lost in metaphorical meanderings that obscure rather than illuminate the central relationship. The collection might have benefited from more voices representing working-class experiences or fathers from diverse geographical settings beyond the American context.
Additionally, the anthology sometimes skews toward experiences of paternal absence or trauma. Though these perspectives are vital, a wider range of functional—if still complicated—father-child relationships might have provided even more textured insights.
The Craft of Testimony
What elevates this collection is the caliber of writing throughout. These are not merely therapeutic exercises but carefully crafted literary works that transform personal experience into universal insight. The prose shifts beautifully from stark declarations to lyrical passages:
"Once," writes Heather Sellers in "You Knew About That," "when I had mono while I was an undergrad and could barely keep my eyes open, my father shipped a heavy care package of canned soups to the apartment I lived in in New Hampshire. Too weak to stand, I crawled to the front door and dragged the box inside, knowing it would get me through the worst of the illness."
Such moments of tenderness amid pain characterize the anthology's emotional landscape, creating a multidimensional portrait of fatherhood that refuses simplistic narratives.
Final Assessment
"What My Father and I Don't Talk About" succeeds precisely where many family-focused anthologies fail—by embracing contradiction and resisting easy resolution. These essays don't merely expose wounds; they examine the complex tissues of healing, forgiveness, and acceptance that form around them.
For readers of Filgate's first anthology, this collection delivers a worthy companion piece that continues her exploration of familial silences with equal nuance and greater maturity. For those new to her editorial vision, the anthology offers a profoundly moving introduction to voices that deserve wide recognition.
Like all significant literary works about family relationships, this collection ultimately teaches us that the things we don't say to our fathers—and the things they don't say to us—shape us as powerfully as what is spoken aloud. In bringing these silences into language, Filgate and her contributors have created something truly remarkable: a chorus of voices speaking the previously unspeakable.
Each essay contains multitudes—the joy and pain, absence and presence, freedom and constraint that characterize the ineffable bonds between fathers and their children. What emerges is a nuanced exploration that defies easy categorization and challenges readers to confront their own unspoken familial truths.
The Symphony of Silences
The collection opens with Filgate's own essay, "Thumbs-up," where she reflects on her relationship with her father, a man who showed love through text messages ending with a simple thumbs-up emoji. She writes of visiting him in a nursing home, revealing how they navigate across the silence that has grown between them. This moment of quiet connection—discussing birds rather than addressing the deeper current of his decline—perfectly sets the tone for the anthology. What's missing from the conversation often speaks volumes.
The strength of this collection lies in its diversity of experiences and its refusal to offer tidy conclusions. Some fathers are absent; others are overbearing. Some relationships are marked by trauma; others by quieter disappointments or unexpected joys. The anthology's essays reflect these realities without judgment, allowing complexity to breathe through every page.
The Range of Paternal Experience
The most affecting essays plunge readers into moments that simultaneously wound and heal:
- In "Little Boy Blue & the Man in the Moon," Andrew Altschul explores the complicated divide between becoming a father and understanding his own father's emotional distance. He writes of watching his father sleeping on the couch: "I envied his quick-wittedness, the easy humor with which he circulated at a party. His ease in the world amazed me. As I grew toward manhood, it shamed me. How would I ever live up to it?"
- Isle McElroy's heartbreaking "Operation" utilizes the structure of the childhood game to dissect fragments of a relationship with an absent father, concluding with the poignant line: "Life's full of plenty of chances for us to get this right."
- Robin Reif's "The Son" explores the impossible position of being a daughter yearning for the connection and approval reserved for sons in patriarchal families.
- In perhaps the collection's most emotionally raw piece, Julie Buntin's "I Was So Hopeful for You" navigates the author's concurrent experiences of becoming a mother while reconnecting with a father who abandoned her in infancy, revealing how parenthood reshapes our understanding of those who raised—or failed to raise—us.
The Legacy of Absence
A recurring theme throughout the anthology is the vast impact of paternal absence, whether physical or emotional. As Maurice Carlos Ruffin writes in "Body Languages," "Who was I without my brother? I'd become myself in relation to him." Many essays explore how children create identities in response to fatherly vacuums, crafting themselves either in opposition to or alignment with these ghostly presences.
The collection excels at illustrating how we inherit not just genetic traits but emotional patterns from our fathers. In "His Legacy, My Inheritance," Nayomi Munaweera examines her father's arranged marriage and its ripple effects through generations. Kelly McMasters' lyrical "Roots & Rhizomes" uses botanical metaphors to explore how her father's love of plants shaped her own understanding of connection and resilience.
The Cultural Context
Several essays address how cultural expectations shape father-child dynamics. Susan Muaddi Darraj's "Baba Peels Apples for Me" offers a poignant exploration of "eldest daughter syndrome" in Palestinian immigrant families. Jaquira Díaz's "Un Verano en Nueva York" connects her father's rootlessness to the larger Puerto Rican diaspora experience. These essays importantly situate individual father-child relationships within broader social and cultural frameworks.
Critical Considerations
While the anthology presents a remarkable breadth of perspectives, a few essays occasionally lean toward the self-indulgent, getting lost in metaphorical meanderings that obscure rather than illuminate the central relationship. The collection might have benefited from more voices representing working-class experiences or fathers from diverse geographical settings beyond the American context.
Additionally, the anthology sometimes skews toward experiences of paternal absence or trauma. Though these perspectives are vital, a wider range of functional—if still complicated—father-child relationships might have provided even more textured insights.
The Craft of Testimony
What elevates this collection is the caliber of writing throughout. These are not merely therapeutic exercises but carefully crafted literary works that transform personal experience into universal insight. The prose shifts beautifully from stark declarations to lyrical passages:
"Once," writes Heather Sellers in "You Knew About That," "when I had mono while I was an undergrad and could barely keep my eyes open, my father shipped a heavy care package of canned soups to the apartment I lived in in New Hampshire. Too weak to stand, I crawled to the front door and dragged the box inside, knowing it would get me through the worst of the illness."
Such moments of tenderness amid pain characterize the anthology's emotional landscape, creating a multidimensional portrait of fatherhood that refuses simplistic narratives.
Final Assessment
"What My Father and I Don't Talk About" succeeds precisely where many family-focused anthologies fail—by embracing contradiction and resisting easy resolution. These essays don't merely expose wounds; they examine the complex tissues of healing, forgiveness, and acceptance that form around them.
For readers of Filgate's first anthology, this collection delivers a worthy companion piece that continues her exploration of familial silences with equal nuance and greater maturity. For those new to her editorial vision, the anthology offers a profoundly moving introduction to voices that deserve wide recognition.
Like all significant literary works about family relationships, this collection ultimately teaches us that the things we don't say to our fathers—and the things they don't say to us—shape us as powerfully as what is spoken aloud. In bringing these silences into language, Filgate and her contributors have created something truly remarkable: a chorus of voices speaking the previously unspeakable.
February 22, 2025
I just finished reading What My Fathers and I Don’t Talk About, a powerful collection of essays that explore the complexities of father-child relationships. Each piece offers a deeply personal reflection on love, loss, silence, and the unspoken tensions that shape our connections with our fathers. Some stories were heartbreaking, others hopeful, but all were beautifully written and deeply moving.
What struck me most was how universal these experiences felt—whether marked by absence, presence, or something in between, every story resonated in its own way. It’s a book that invites introspection and compassion, making it a must-read for anyone who has ever grappled with the weight of family dynamics.
Thank you to NetGalley for the advanced review copy—I’m grateful for the chance to read this one early!
What struck me most was how universal these experiences felt—whether marked by absence, presence, or something in between, every story resonated in its own way. It’s a book that invites introspection and compassion, making it a must-read for anyone who has ever grappled with the weight of family dynamics.
Thank you to NetGalley for the advanced review copy—I’m grateful for the chance to read this one early!
June 15, 2025
What a book. I read What my Mother and I don’t talk about a few years back and was so excited to see this sequel. As someone (and as most) who have a complex relationship with their father, reading a book like this gave me a lot to think about. I cried A LOT. I think the relationships we have on with our fathers while super impactful, especially speaking from a female perspective, is often brushed under the rug or isn’t as talked about as the relationship between and mother and child, so it was so interesting to read about everyone’s relationship.
June 27, 2025
anthologies remain hit or miss, but i still love reading them! and the best ones in here are incredible
top highlights here for me were:
‘i was so hopeful for you’
‘operation’
‘the son’
top highlights here for me were:
‘i was so hopeful for you’
‘operation’
‘the son’
August 4, 2025
3.5/5
some good stories, some not as good. overall an emotion of sadness while reading but not as touching or as educational as i was hoping
some good stories, some not as good. overall an emotion of sadness while reading but not as touching or as educational as i was hoping
April 6, 2025
Incredible.. Everyone should take a read of "Baba Peels Apples for Me" By Susan Muaddi Darraj for a Palestinian-American experience. My favorite story was "The Daddy Tax" By Alex Marzano-Lesnevich.
April 22, 2025
Thanks to NetGalley and Simon & Shuster for permission to read this work prior to its publication. date. Sixteen writers contribute deeply personal stories about their fathers. The topics range from abuse, depression, incarceration, queer identity and loss. The essays are relatable, no matter what your background is. It truly centers on the need for connection and the way loved ones often find their way back to each other.
June 4, 2025
When I requested this book from NetGalley, I didn't know much about it, but it sounded interesting. When I realized that I had missed the first book in this series, a viral sensation on Mothers, I almost put this one down to read them in order. Then my inner voice reminded me that this was an entirely new collection, with new contributors—I added it to my to-read list and moved on. The breadth of the stories in this collection is impressive. There are beautiful stories of everyday moments side-by-side life changing stories that just gutted me. A bonus, though not great for my already overflowing to-read pile, this book introduced me to some terrific new authors.
May 22, 2025
"This is your lesson. Do not wait until he is dead to live your life. Do not wait until he is dead to grieve. Make peace with your anger or it will consume you."
This is the follow-up to "What My Mother And I Don't Talk About," and explores the relationships (or lack thereof) between a writer and their father. As was common in the initial book, the stories will often involve the writer's mother too -- sometimes to a more significant degree. But this seems like a natural consequence. I imagine it's difficult to talk entirely about one without bringing up the other. Also like the first book, not all of these essays describe absent parents: some are about doting, loving fathers; but they cover a wide range of topics. The difficulty of intimacy, estrangement, and especially the power that storytelling can have with healing, and the shifting power dynamic that comes with age. Although there is no question that my father loved all three of his kids, he wasn't always the easiest person to have a relationship with. He wanted a certain kind of life for me, and things became tense when it turned out I was going to live my own life. After my parents split, when in my late teens or early 20s, I "broke away" from the standard father-son mentality. I no longer felt beholden to him the way I did when I was younger, and lived the way that felt best for me. This was facilitated by the fact that I no longer lived with him and had an incredibly understanding and supportive mother. Still and all, I know that I had it better than some. I don't carry any physical or emotional scars from my father. And I know that he wasn't an inherently bad person. I don't say any of this to denigrate the man -- I'm simply being honest. As with its predecessor, no matter the relationship you have with your father, there are others with similar stories -- either good or bad -- and anyone who reads this book will likely gain something from it.
This is the follow-up to "What My Mother And I Don't Talk About," and explores the relationships (or lack thereof) between a writer and their father. As was common in the initial book, the stories will often involve the writer's mother too -- sometimes to a more significant degree. But this seems like a natural consequence. I imagine it's difficult to talk entirely about one without bringing up the other. Also like the first book, not all of these essays describe absent parents: some are about doting, loving fathers; but they cover a wide range of topics. The difficulty of intimacy, estrangement, and especially the power that storytelling can have with healing, and the shifting power dynamic that comes with age. Although there is no question that my father loved all three of his kids, he wasn't always the easiest person to have a relationship with. He wanted a certain kind of life for me, and things became tense when it turned out I was going to live my own life. After my parents split, when in my late teens or early 20s, I "broke away" from the standard father-son mentality. I no longer felt beholden to him the way I did when I was younger, and lived the way that felt best for me. This was facilitated by the fact that I no longer lived with him and had an incredibly understanding and supportive mother. Still and all, I know that I had it better than some. I don't carry any physical or emotional scars from my father. And I know that he wasn't an inherently bad person. I don't say any of this to denigrate the man -- I'm simply being honest. As with its predecessor, no matter the relationship you have with your father, there are others with similar stories -- either good or bad -- and anyone who reads this book will likely gain something from it.
July 23, 2025
In early June, I walked from my condo in downtown Portsmouth to the Public Library to listen to Michelle Filgate speak about her new anthology, What My Father and I Don’t Talk About, a follow-up to the wildly successful What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About which came out in 2019.
Filgate began her literary career as an events coordinator at my local indie bookstore in the late eighties or early nineties. Dates elude me. She had recently graduated from the University of New Hampshire and while a student, she had been working on an essay that would become the impetus for her first anthology, What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About. Folks clamored for a follow up, and What My Father and I Don’t Talk About came out this year.
The essays in What My Father and I Don’t Talk About are a mix of experiences, backgrounds and identities. The writers include two of my favorite memoirists and essayists: Kelly McMasters and Alex Marzano-Lesnevich. Now, I have many more writers to add to my favorites list. What I particularly like about this collection is the way each writer finds a lens through which to explore the complex relationship of fathers to their offspring. Kelly McMasters speaks to her father through his love of plants. Joanna Rakoff explores story – the stories we tell and the stories we hold silent. Both affect our lives. Julie Buntin dives down into reconnection after estrangement. Alex Marzano-Lesnevich takes on age and the shift in a power dynamic between father and daughter.
These beautifully written pieces honor the complexity of each author's relationship to his, her, or their father with honesty, compassion, and love. I could read only two essays at a time. I wanted to savor each word. I wanted to think. I will return to this collection again and again. I’m glad the jacket is bright yellow and easy to see on my bookshelf.
Thank you, Michelle Filgate.
Filgate began her literary career as an events coordinator at my local indie bookstore in the late eighties or early nineties. Dates elude me. She had recently graduated from the University of New Hampshire and while a student, she had been working on an essay that would become the impetus for her first anthology, What My Mother and I Don’t Talk About. Folks clamored for a follow up, and What My Father and I Don’t Talk About came out this year.
The essays in What My Father and I Don’t Talk About are a mix of experiences, backgrounds and identities. The writers include two of my favorite memoirists and essayists: Kelly McMasters and Alex Marzano-Lesnevich. Now, I have many more writers to add to my favorites list. What I particularly like about this collection is the way each writer finds a lens through which to explore the complex relationship of fathers to their offspring. Kelly McMasters speaks to her father through his love of plants. Joanna Rakoff explores story – the stories we tell and the stories we hold silent. Both affect our lives. Julie Buntin dives down into reconnection after estrangement. Alex Marzano-Lesnevich takes on age and the shift in a power dynamic between father and daughter.
These beautifully written pieces honor the complexity of each author's relationship to his, her, or their father with honesty, compassion, and love. I could read only two essays at a time. I wanted to savor each word. I wanted to think. I will return to this collection again and again. I’m glad the jacket is bright yellow and easy to see on my bookshelf.
Thank you, Michelle Filgate.
June 18, 2025
This powerful follow-up to the viral success "What My Mother and I Don't Talk About" features sixteen notable writers exploring the complex relationships they have with their fathers. Editor Michele Filgate brings together diverse voices examining everything from absent fathers to loving but emotionally distant ones, from intergenerational trauma to unexpected moments of connection. Contributors like Kelly McMasters, Joanna Rakoff, and others break the silence around these vital but often unspoken relationships, revealing how fathers communicate love through actions rather than words, family secrets that shape generations, and the different ways we learn to understand our dads as we grow older.
This collection absolutely captivated me from start to finish. I loved how each essay offered such a different perspective on fatherhood while still feeling universally relatable—every story made me think about my own relationship with my dad. McMaster’s essay about communicating through gardening and plants was so moving, especially her realization about her father's intentional parenting despite his own difficult childhood. Joanna Rakoff’s piece about uncovering family mythology and finally understanding her parents' real story was fascinating and heartbreaking. What struck me most was how these writers found ways to love and connect with their fathers even when traditional emotional conversations felt impossible. The vulnerability and honesty in every essay made this feel like the most important kind of storytelling—the kind that helps us all feel less alone in our complicated family relationships.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...
This collection absolutely captivated me from start to finish. I loved how each essay offered such a different perspective on fatherhood while still feeling universally relatable—every story made me think about my own relationship with my dad. McMaster’s essay about communicating through gardening and plants was so moving, especially her realization about her father's intentional parenting despite his own difficult childhood. Joanna Rakoff’s piece about uncovering family mythology and finally understanding her parents' real story was fascinating and heartbreaking. What struck me most was how these writers found ways to love and connect with their fathers even when traditional emotional conversations felt impossible. The vulnerability and honesty in every essay made this feel like the most important kind of storytelling—the kind that helps us all feel less alone in our complicated family relationships.
To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...
June 26, 2025
“Even now, in the twenty-first century, American men are not permitted such love. We are allowed neither to feel it for our sons nor receive it from our fathers. To experience such love—to be made helpless by it, as Biden so clearly is—is to forfeit all claims to manhood, and thus to respect, influence, and power.” - from Little Boy Blue & The Man in the Moon.
I really enjoyed this collection and I think the whole thing is really strong. Whilst not every essay in this was 5 stars, this collection feels like a 5 star to me. I appreciated this whole thing and almost every essay had something strong to say. There were a few essays towards the end that were more about mothers and fathers instead of just the father. My favourites are Little Boy Blue & The Man in the Moon, It would happen again, You Knew About That and I was so hopeful for you.
Thumbs-up - Michele Filgate. 5 stars.
Little Boy Blue & the Man in the Moon - Andrew Altschul. 5 stars.
The Daddy Tax - Alex Marzano-Lesnevich. 5 stars.
Body Languages - Maurice Carlos Ruffin - 4 stars.
The Third Request - Dylan Landis. 5 stars.
Un Verano en Nueva York - Jaquira Díaz. 4 stars.
Roots & Rhizomes - Kelly McMasters. 4.5 stars.
It Would Happen Again - Isle McElroy. 5 stars.
Baba Peels Apples for Me - Susan Muaddi Darraj. 5 stars.
Operation - Tomás Q. Morín. 4 stars.
The Son - Robin Reif. 4 stars.
You Knew About That - Heather Sellers. 5 stars.
In the Direction of Yes - Jiordan Castle. 4 stars.
His Legacy, My Inheritance - Nayomi Munaweera. 3.5 stars.
A Storybook Childhood - Joanna Rakoff. 3 stars.
I Was So Hopeful For You - Julie Buntin. 5 stars.
I really enjoyed this collection and I think the whole thing is really strong. Whilst not every essay in this was 5 stars, this collection feels like a 5 star to me. I appreciated this whole thing and almost every essay had something strong to say. There were a few essays towards the end that were more about mothers and fathers instead of just the father. My favourites are Little Boy Blue & The Man in the Moon, It would happen again, You Knew About That and I was so hopeful for you.
Thumbs-up - Michele Filgate. 5 stars.
Little Boy Blue & the Man in the Moon - Andrew Altschul. 5 stars.
The Daddy Tax - Alex Marzano-Lesnevich. 5 stars.
Body Languages - Maurice Carlos Ruffin - 4 stars.
The Third Request - Dylan Landis. 5 stars.
Un Verano en Nueva York - Jaquira Díaz. 4 stars.
Roots & Rhizomes - Kelly McMasters. 4.5 stars.
It Would Happen Again - Isle McElroy. 5 stars.
Baba Peels Apples for Me - Susan Muaddi Darraj. 5 stars.
Operation - Tomás Q. Morín. 4 stars.
The Son - Robin Reif. 4 stars.
You Knew About That - Heather Sellers. 5 stars.
In the Direction of Yes - Jiordan Castle. 4 stars.
His Legacy, My Inheritance - Nayomi Munaweera. 3.5 stars.
A Storybook Childhood - Joanna Rakoff. 3 stars.
I Was So Hopeful For You - Julie Buntin. 5 stars.
July 25, 2025
What My Father and I Don't Talk About is a collection of essays by different writers edited by Michele Filgate. There are so many tomes devoted to mothers and our relationships with them, but I feel as though there aren't many books that delve into the unspoken bonds between fathers and their children. This books explores this theme and each writer's relationship or lack thereof with their father or with becoming a father themselves.
It was well-edited by Michele Filgate so that you are engrossed in each author's take on their dads, whether they had a very loving and supportive relationship or whether the father left and the child (author) is left to figure out how to cope with their absence. I found that I could see my own relationship with my dad in some of these stories and I could empathize with others. Although my dad was present throughout my childhood, he was essentially a shell of a person - consumed with working to earn the money he believed would buy him the perfect life back in his home country. We get along better now, but as a child, he was not a lovey-dovey dad that I could have conversations with. This book allowed me to reflect on my childhood experiences and how far my father and I have come in developing our father-daughter relationship through the years.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is feeling sentimental or introspective. It was a good read!
It was well-edited by Michele Filgate so that you are engrossed in each author's take on their dads, whether they had a very loving and supportive relationship or whether the father left and the child (author) is left to figure out how to cope with their absence. I found that I could see my own relationship with my dad in some of these stories and I could empathize with others. Although my dad was present throughout my childhood, he was essentially a shell of a person - consumed with working to earn the money he believed would buy him the perfect life back in his home country. We get along better now, but as a child, he was not a lovey-dovey dad that I could have conversations with. This book allowed me to reflect on my childhood experiences and how far my father and I have come in developing our father-daughter relationship through the years.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is feeling sentimental or introspective. It was a good read!
August 12, 2025
Just as wonderful, and as painful as ‘What my mother & I don’t talk about.”
“Where does it leave us, in the end? After a life of navigating the conflicting demands of love and manhood, what do we have for each other?”
“I never ever expected to be old.
I didn’t expect him to be either.”
“This was devotion: the kind of love that held steadfast no matter what happened, that surrendered even the self.”
“Of all the betrayals I have committed, I know my greatest is to have become a narrator.”
“I wish I could have been there to see my parents dancing, arms wrapped around each other.”
“I don’t wish we had more conversations. His life was how he talked to me.”
“The best gift I ever got was never having to fail at another gift.”
“Perfection is as recognizable, as rare, as poetry; aside from nature, there are few times in my life when I can recall witnessing something as perfect as this man, quietly, meditatively, swinging his body through the air.”
“Bye for now.
I'll see you down the road in the next essay or poem or story. Life's full of plenty of chances for us to get this right.”
“He was vibrantly alive in my mind, constantly on the verge of walking in the door.”
“Whatever mistakes of mine my son carries with him into adulthood-the ones parents can't help but make, I think, by virtue of being themselves—I will love him, and he'll never have to do anything to deserve it. I hope he takes it for granted.”
“Where does it leave us, in the end? After a life of navigating the conflicting demands of love and manhood, what do we have for each other?”
“I never ever expected to be old.
I didn’t expect him to be either.”
“This was devotion: the kind of love that held steadfast no matter what happened, that surrendered even the self.”
“Of all the betrayals I have committed, I know my greatest is to have become a narrator.”
“I wish I could have been there to see my parents dancing, arms wrapped around each other.”
“I don’t wish we had more conversations. His life was how he talked to me.”
“The best gift I ever got was never having to fail at another gift.”
“Perfection is as recognizable, as rare, as poetry; aside from nature, there are few times in my life when I can recall witnessing something as perfect as this man, quietly, meditatively, swinging his body through the air.”
“Bye for now.
I'll see you down the road in the next essay or poem or story. Life's full of plenty of chances for us to get this right.”
“He was vibrantly alive in my mind, constantly on the verge of walking in the door.”
“Whatever mistakes of mine my son carries with him into adulthood-the ones parents can't help but make, I think, by virtue of being themselves—I will love him, and he'll never have to do anything to deserve it. I hope he takes it for granted.”
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 3, 2025
Visceral, ascerbic, and focused rather more on LGBTQ+ anthology and harangues than on the father-child relationship. Still, the essays are really well written. These authors have some serious baggage, which of course, is what makes their stories interesting. It would hardly be gripping to read about a perfectly functioning father-child relationship. The strong correlation between totally dysfunctional sexuality and dysfunctional upbringing can hardly be missed in this anthology, and it is tragic. The reader can't help but feel for the both the child and the parent/s in these. It is certainly not what you'd call uplifting literature, but it is very instructive in many ways. The collection was bizarrely edited - with conjunctions constantly missing or removed ad hoc, which made for some very confusing constructions. I re-read several passages to try to make sense of them before finally realizing that the authors/editor/s were playing The Emperor's New Clothes with pronouns. A murdered past-participle (had SHOWN - not "had showed") turned up, but maybe this is supposed to be on-line lit insofar as grammar. However, the writing quality is excellent, so it's not fair to put it on par with on-line writing.
April 29, 2025
Thank you to Simon & Schuster and NetGalley for the eArc.
This was an experience where the reader learns and understands that their experience is not unique (in the best possible way). These stories showcase a poignant experience of fathers from the view of the children. An account of their own experiences of the men in or absent from their lives who at some point in late childhood you realize your parent, specifically father, exists outside the confines of the attachment to you. Those experience inform the person who will become your parent and what types of parent they choose to be.
This collection of essays explore these experiences which are beautiful, inspiring and tragic. Each essay is separate making this a great book to explore, pick up and put down, and dawdle in. I journeyed and journaled quite a bit through these stories about. my own experiences with my dad and I came away with more compassion, accountability, and frustration all the same.
If you like first hand accounts and enjoyed the previous book, "What my Mother and I don't Talk about" you will also enjoy this one.
All opinions are my own.
This was an experience where the reader learns and understands that their experience is not unique (in the best possible way). These stories showcase a poignant experience of fathers from the view of the children. An account of their own experiences of the men in or absent from their lives who at some point in late childhood you realize your parent, specifically father, exists outside the confines of the attachment to you. Those experience inform the person who will become your parent and what types of parent they choose to be.
This collection of essays explore these experiences which are beautiful, inspiring and tragic. Each essay is separate making this a great book to explore, pick up and put down, and dawdle in. I journeyed and journaled quite a bit through these stories about. my own experiences with my dad and I came away with more compassion, accountability, and frustration all the same.
If you like first hand accounts and enjoyed the previous book, "What my Mother and I don't Talk about" you will also enjoy this one.
All opinions are my own.
April 29, 2025
Sixteen writers share stories about their relationships with their fathers, and it is easy to relate in some way to the themes they divulged. Most fathers aren't programed to show emotions and although children may begin their lives looking up to this person as someone they aspire to be, the flaws begin to show until they are impossible to ignore. Most writers tried to find redeeming qualities, and some have found joy throughout their lives with the man they call "Father". Reading all the stories will take you on an emotional roller coaster ride.
I will also read What My Mother and I Don't Talk About in the future.
I hadn't heard of this book before but will seek it out now.
#WhatMyFatherAndIDontTalkAbout
@SimonBooks
I will also read What My Mother and I Don't Talk About in the future.
I hadn't heard of this book before but will seek it out now.
#WhatMyFatherAndIDontTalkAbout
@SimonBooks
May 15, 2025
"What My Father and I don't Talk About" is the follow-up to "What My Mother and I Don't Talk About" and is a collection of essays by sixteen authors about their relationships with their fathers. Ranging from humorous to deeply moving, the essays show how both positive and negative relations between fathers and their children have profound affects on the lives of those children, now adults. Each essay is brutally honest and relatable to all readers. I could see my father and myself in every essay. This book is full of discussion worthy topics. especially for book clubs. It will definitely be as wildly popular as the first book.
Many thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the authors for the opportunity to read an advanced digital copy of this book.
Many thanks to NetGalley, the publisher, and the authors for the opportunity to read an advanced digital copy of this book.
June 11, 2025
It was fine with some interesting stories but didn't really hit with any of them for me. I was hoping to get some insight into my own relationship with my father and my son's which it did not do. This was folks talking about what they think their father is or weird events rather than them talking to their father to understand their relationship. i.e. what was their father relationship with their father? What has made their relationship tough or what should their father have done differently. I read the whole book but didn't get what I thought I might.
July 13, 2025
💛“fathers can teach us who they are through their actions rather than their words”
💛“love meant listening, not just imparting ... not signaling who he should be"
What a moving collection of stories! Each one portrayed a different view on what a father is. I was so intrigued with the various father to child relationships. Being a father is complicated - so much is expected! And then you have so many factors such as their past, their childhood, their struggles, their culture, and the list goes on. While reading this, I couldn't help but think of my own father. While we have a wonderful relationship, it made me curious to know more of him. Glad I was able to read this one!
💛“love meant listening, not just imparting ... not signaling who he should be"
What a moving collection of stories! Each one portrayed a different view on what a father is. I was so intrigued with the various father to child relationships. Being a father is complicated - so much is expected! And then you have so many factors such as their past, their childhood, their struggles, their culture, and the list goes on. While reading this, I couldn't help but think of my own father. While we have a wonderful relationship, it made me curious to know more of him. Glad I was able to read this one!
May 23, 2025
no me gustó tanto como el primero, but here we go con las frases :
- I was more fluent in love that my father, i think. And I had no anger because I saw early in that he worked so hard at love.
- I grew to love him deeply, in the peculiar way we love the people who give us only what’s left of themselves.
- i found myself collecting details about him, as if the simple act of amassing them would keep him in my life.
- I was more fluent in love that my father, i think. And I had no anger because I saw early in that he worked so hard at love.
- I grew to love him deeply, in the peculiar way we love the people who give us only what’s left of themselves.
- i found myself collecting details about him, as if the simple act of amassing them would keep him in my life.
June 9, 2025
As someone who had 3 father figures growing up who sucked ass (one literally) I found this very interesting.
Lots of feels. Anger. Sadness for what I had. Sadness for what I didn’t have. But also glad I didn’t have some of these dads.
16 stories. I really enjoyed 9 of them. Although enjoy might not be the best word for some of them. Definitely moved by them.
Definitely piqued my interest to read more from some of these authors.
Lots of feels. Anger. Sadness for what I had. Sadness for what I didn’t have. But also glad I didn’t have some of these dads.
16 stories. I really enjoyed 9 of them. Although enjoy might not be the best word for some of them. Definitely moved by them.
Definitely piqued my interest to read more from some of these authors.
July 1, 2025
Just like the previous installment, this one is a powerful collection. There were some essays—Little Boy Blue & The Man in the Moon, The Daddy Tax, I Was So Hopeful for You—that are more memorable than others, but I appreciated each essay, which isn't always the case in an anthology. I applaud the writers for their ability to lay bare the vulnerabilities of what seems to always be a complex relationship, and I appreciated the breadth of experiences shared here.
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