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When Everyone Shines But You - Saying Goodbye To I'm Not Good Enough
Is this it? Why does life seem so unfair?
It's easy to see others living our dreams. It's easy to feel held back, misunderstood and invisible, but there comes a time in our lives when we just can't take it anymore. This is when we need answers and the confirmation that who we think we are can change.
After a lifetime of comparing with others it takes courage to step out from behind the rock and change. When everyone around you appears to shine while you feel hidden and misunderstood, there comes a time to say goodbye to the story of 'I'm not good enough'.
'When Everyone Shines But You' is a new non-fiction book by passionate writer and blogger Kelly Martin. Kelly had lived the last thirty years not feeling good enough, feeling like a failure, and watching as people her own age and even younger 'appeared' to be passing her by in terms of confidence, career, relationships and prosperity. As she neared 40, something began to stir inside, an unresolved sense of 'Is this it?' and so a huge quest began, to find answers and this book was part of that quest.
'When Everyone Shines But You' takes the reader on a journey. In each chapter the author sheds light on topics from rage and jealousy to money and loneliness and so much more. This is not a ‘positive thinking’ book. Kelly is a passionate advocate of the present moment. She discourages any ideas of creating your own reality or the law of attraction. Instead she brings the reader back to the present moment, in which permission is given to be completely human.
Unlike most self-help books, in which you are seen to be broken and need fixing, here you are given permission to be who you are, as you are, warts and all, negative as well as positive.
In fact, the author demonstrates that far from trying to get rid of negative thoughts, feelings and emotions, they must be accepted and understood as a natural part of who we are; that they must be embraced and given care and attention, and in so doing, they will allow us to experience who we really are, beneath the conditioning imposed on us since early childhood, by parents, teachers and all the authority figures in our lives.
We can't force change, but we can allow change to take place naturally. There is no need to put on a happy face when feeling sad, or a peaceful demeanour when feeling angry. This is change that comes from within and is a journey where mindful living embraces 'what is' instead of trying to fix what we think is broken.
No more trying to fix you.
No more saying affirmations when you are not feeling them.
No more trying to create your reality.
*Discover why positive thinking does not work.
*Explore your relationship with feelings such as rage, envy and sadness.
*See how mindful living can consistently bring relief.
*Recognise the gift in using frustration as a motivation to step forward.
*Give up the 'fast food' approach to personal growth and grow more naturally.
*Learn how to experience alone time as sacred instead of painful.
*Understand how trying to control your world has been re-enforcing your story.
The author explains that there is a natural flow to life, and that by allowing this flow we can achieve far more than by trying to control and manipulate.
It is time for awakening to who you really are – not who you think you need to be.
It's easy to see others living our dreams. It's easy to feel held back, misunderstood and invisible, but there comes a time in our lives when we just can't take it anymore. This is when we need answers and the confirmation that who we think we are can change.
After a lifetime of comparing with others it takes courage to step out from behind the rock and change. When everyone around you appears to shine while you feel hidden and misunderstood, there comes a time to say goodbye to the story of 'I'm not good enough'.
'When Everyone Shines But You' is a new non-fiction book by passionate writer and blogger Kelly Martin. Kelly had lived the last thirty years not feeling good enough, feeling like a failure, and watching as people her own age and even younger 'appeared' to be passing her by in terms of confidence, career, relationships and prosperity. As she neared 40, something began to stir inside, an unresolved sense of 'Is this it?' and so a huge quest began, to find answers and this book was part of that quest.
'When Everyone Shines But You' takes the reader on a journey. In each chapter the author sheds light on topics from rage and jealousy to money and loneliness and so much more. This is not a ‘positive thinking’ book. Kelly is a passionate advocate of the present moment. She discourages any ideas of creating your own reality or the law of attraction. Instead she brings the reader back to the present moment, in which permission is given to be completely human.
Unlike most self-help books, in which you are seen to be broken and need fixing, here you are given permission to be who you are, as you are, warts and all, negative as well as positive.
In fact, the author demonstrates that far from trying to get rid of negative thoughts, feelings and emotions, they must be accepted and understood as a natural part of who we are; that they must be embraced and given care and attention, and in so doing, they will allow us to experience who we really are, beneath the conditioning imposed on us since early childhood, by parents, teachers and all the authority figures in our lives.
We can't force change, but we can allow change to take place naturally. There is no need to put on a happy face when feeling sad, or a peaceful demeanour when feeling angry. This is change that comes from within and is a journey where mindful living embraces 'what is' instead of trying to fix what we think is broken.
No more trying to fix you.
No more saying affirmations when you are not feeling them.
No more trying to create your reality.
*Discover why positive thinking does not work.
*Explore your relationship with feelings such as rage, envy and sadness.
*See how mindful living can consistently bring relief.
*Recognise the gift in using frustration as a motivation to step forward.
*Give up the 'fast food' approach to personal growth and grow more naturally.
*Learn how to experience alone time as sacred instead of painful.
*Understand how trying to control your world has been re-enforcing your story.
The author explains that there is a natural flow to life, and that by allowing this flow we can achieve far more than by trying to control and manipulate.
It is time for awakening to who you really are – not who you think you need to be.
- GenresSelf Help
180 pages, Paperback
First published July 15, 2014
7 people are currently reading
46 people want to read
About the author
Kelly Martin
2 books41 followersKelly Martin is a passionate and unconventional metaphysical thinker and writer who has been questioning reality since 1999. Writing on her blog Kelly Martin Speaks
and speaking on YouTube she traces her journey from shyness to greater confidence.
Kelly has explored many different paths from Reiki healing, Shamanism to Buddhism and now embraces a primarily mindful journey. After what felt like a decade of severe anxiety she took up mindfulness meditation and began to notice how much compassion and kindness lay in simply being with who she was, in that moment. Through practising mindfulness she began to emerge from a story of failure and fear to empowerment and greater confidence.
She wants to encourage people to find the treasures that lie within the pain and suffering and to learn to see themselves as 'enough' exactly as they are, right now.
Born in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in North East England, she now lives in Gloucestershire with her best friend Mike and the occasional visiting cat. She likes nothing better than sitting in a café drinking coffee, writing and people watching. Prior to metaphysics she majored in Environmental Studies at University and in many ways her love of the natural world has carried over into the love of nature as a great guide in her life.
You can see more of her work at: Kelly Martin Speaks , her official website , videos on YOUTUBE , and her guest posts at Thank The Now.
and speaking on YouTube she traces her journey from shyness to greater confidence.
Kelly has explored many different paths from Reiki healing, Shamanism to Buddhism and now embraces a primarily mindful journey. After what felt like a decade of severe anxiety she took up mindfulness meditation and began to notice how much compassion and kindness lay in simply being with who she was, in that moment. Through practising mindfulness she began to emerge from a story of failure and fear to empowerment and greater confidence.
She wants to encourage people to find the treasures that lie within the pain and suffering and to learn to see themselves as 'enough' exactly as they are, right now.
Born in Newcastle-upon-Tyne in North East England, she now lives in Gloucestershire with her best friend Mike and the occasional visiting cat. She likes nothing better than sitting in a café drinking coffee, writing and people watching. Prior to metaphysics she majored in Environmental Studies at University and in many ways her love of the natural world has carried over into the love of nature as a great guide in her life.
You can see more of her work at: Kelly Martin Speaks , her official website , videos on YOUTUBE , and her guest posts at Thank The Now.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
August 4, 2014
I loved reading this book. The author covers topics such as jealousy, rage and judgement, and that general feeling of 'not good enough'. Typically, humans see these things as bad and try to change them or pretend they aren't there. Kelly provides a way of looking at these topics with a deep level of acceptance, and allows the reader to see themselves in pure human form, warts and all, and provides an outlook on life that you won't see in many self-help books, many of which do not delve deeply into the 'hard stuff' and provide a way through them.
Even better, the book is very empowering, and allows the reader to move on with a sense of well being that cannot be found in circumstances, possessions and other people. 'Being present' and 'living in the now' is a very popular topic in the spirituality field, and rightly so. Kelly approaches these topics with a refreshing sense of perspective and allowing everything that is in your life to be felt fully, even when it's helpful.
I would highly recommend this book. Most of us, if we're honest, struggle to be super positive, and avoidance of the 'negative' is rife in our society. Kelly takes the bare bones of everyday life and enables the reader to feel that whatever they are going through, it is all okay.
Even better, the book is very empowering, and allows the reader to move on with a sense of well being that cannot be found in circumstances, possessions and other people. 'Being present' and 'living in the now' is a very popular topic in the spirituality field, and rightly so. Kelly approaches these topics with a refreshing sense of perspective and allowing everything that is in your life to be felt fully, even when it's helpful.
I would highly recommend this book. Most of us, if we're honest, struggle to be super positive, and avoidance of the 'negative' is rife in our society. Kelly takes the bare bones of everyday life and enables the reader to feel that whatever they are going through, it is all okay.
April 26, 2015
She writes, how I think. The mind of an anxious OCD "thinker". Though what she says is inspiring and uplifting. I'm often thinking, "spit it out already"! More details or description in a sentence to describe a thought, revelation, or example then needed. I appreciate what she is saying but less words for each idea, advice, or example please. Just get to the point. My own over thinking, over analyzing mind can and would do that if you didn't take the thoughts out of my head. I found it frustrating at times.
Don't get me wrong I like where she's going and what she's saying but idk, I had to stop often reading this out of frustration of how long it took to get through each thought, example, explanation she shared. It left my mind thoughtless of my own ideas of what she was getting across (rather then "trying" to get across, because she got every detail across, no trying, nothing left to ponder) Does this make sense what I'm saying?
Less is more sometimes in getting your point across. it's like when you repeat yourself over and over but in different ways and rewording's and someone is like, "I understood the first time." She just over wrote a LOT throughout the book, where she could have said more, if she said less on most of what she said. A lot of her message though good, was drawn out in explanation. Yes, that is it! Message good but her writing style over descriptive, which I found frustrating to read and hold my attention many times.
It was like being in my head, in words on a page I am actually seeing. Not just visualizing. (But that is an anxious, over Analytical mind for you, and I guess she and I "THINK" alike if that is how she writes). A taste of my own medicine I guess. What a revelation! Ha! Ha! Great minds think alike. :p
UPDATE: Okay, so midway through the book, her writing style irritated me less and seemed more unique and her profound message stood out more. Definitely makes you feel empowered.
Don't get me wrong I like where she's going and what she's saying but idk, I had to stop often reading this out of frustration of how long it took to get through each thought, example, explanation she shared. It left my mind thoughtless of my own ideas of what she was getting across (rather then "trying" to get across, because she got every detail across, no trying, nothing left to ponder) Does this make sense what I'm saying?
Less is more sometimes in getting your point across. it's like when you repeat yourself over and over but in different ways and rewording's and someone is like, "I understood the first time." She just over wrote a LOT throughout the book, where she could have said more, if she said less on most of what she said. A lot of her message though good, was drawn out in explanation. Yes, that is it! Message good but her writing style over descriptive, which I found frustrating to read and hold my attention many times.
It was like being in my head, in words on a page I am actually seeing. Not just visualizing. (But that is an anxious, over Analytical mind for you, and I guess she and I "THINK" alike if that is how she writes). A taste of my own medicine I guess. What a revelation! Ha! Ha! Great minds think alike. :p
UPDATE: Okay, so midway through the book, her writing style irritated me less and seemed more unique and her profound message stood out more. Definitely makes you feel empowered.
September 14, 2014
What an arresting title. When everyone shines but you. The bald honesty in that horrible statement, the humility inherent in shouting that to the world—that takes guts. Can’t we all admit to feeling that way at some point in our lives? Even if not out loud?
Part of Kelly Martin’s book is about exactly that, but it’s much more than owning your own despair or frustration. She tells us to embrace all of our worst feelings as actual gifts, and she uses colorful, memorable imagery when explaining how to deal with them as they come. Her vivid metaphors stuck in my mind like glue, seeping into my consciousness for days—often enough that they became a part of me.
Read my full review: http://bit.ly/1nVnxMc
Part of Kelly Martin’s book is about exactly that, but it’s much more than owning your own despair or frustration. She tells us to embrace all of our worst feelings as actual gifts, and she uses colorful, memorable imagery when explaining how to deal with them as they come. Her vivid metaphors stuck in my mind like glue, seeping into my consciousness for days—often enough that they became a part of me.
Read my full review: http://bit.ly/1nVnxMc
September 6, 2014
I can remember a time in my life where I felt like everyone was in on some secret, leaving me out of the loop. That is why I love this book. Each chapter clears the path a little more than the next and we are left with clarity; we finally feel like we're in on it too, by the time we are finished.
And - even better - when the book is finished we are left with a fantastic reference/resource to keep around for those days when we need a little centering and focus. ~~ Marla Turner
And - even better - when the book is finished we are left with a fantastic reference/resource to keep around for those days when we need a little centering and focus. ~~ Marla Turner
November 5, 2014
I am so glad I read this book. All this time I felt I needed to be fixed and made better but now I am happy being me no matter how I feel that day. Yes I have anxierty but that is ok and I no longer try to "fix it" i let it be there and get on with being myself and it works so much better than trying to fight some battle that i dont need to fight.
Thank you so so much for writing this book. It has helped changed my outlook and it will help so many others.
Thank you so so much for writing this book. It has helped changed my outlook and it will help so many others.
October 10, 2017
When I started reading this book, I thought it was a self help book. And I guess in a way it is however it has a different take on it. Instead of saying be positive, use affirmations and the rest of it, it acknowledges that not one person is perfect and that everyone has a bad day. It helps you understand a little more about yourself and how to understand yourself so when you are ready to change your behavior or thinking you will not be afraid.
I enjoyed reading this book it really made me think about myself more. Thanks Kelly
I enjoyed reading this book it really made me think about myself more. Thanks Kelly
March 7, 2016
When Everyone Shines But You by Kelly Martin is a book unlike any other you will read. I guess the genre that this book is categorised as would be self-help. Usually, when you read a self-help book the author encourages you to be positive, bury your anger and never be jealous of anyone.
All good and well in theory, but putting all of that into practice is another matter entirely. If your life has been one catastrophe after another or one big mess after another then it is really difficult to just swallow all of that anger, bitterness, the disappointment, then you will understand just how difficult it is to be the best version of yourself.
This book encourages the reader to be fully present in the moment and if that means you have to work on why you are feeling angry about something, then that is what you have to do. The author tells us that it is healthier to vent in private – she suggests using a journal or even a trusted person whom you can vent away to. Self-help books have a tendency just to focus on the positive but Kelly wants us to work on all of our feelings. This is very different to the usual love and light that most self-help books preach and I found it wonderfully refreshing.
Am I angry that some people use me? You bet I am. Kelly writes that it is OK for me to feel that anger. She encourages me to get personal with it and work with it, and I have found that this is a lot more healthy than suppressing it and expecting it to just go away. That’s the thing with negative emotions though, ignoring them will not just make them go away and left to their own devices they have the potential to fester and grow into something rather unpleasant. Dealing with the negative stuff releases those feelings that we have about the situation that is getting us all bent out of shape and that in turn leads to a much healthy version of ourselves.
Kelly also encourages us to let go of our ego centred way of thinking. This, for me, is where the real work on ourselves is. How many times have we thought that we need something only to feel disappointment once we have actually got it? That is the ego urging us on, telling us we must have the thing we desire. Be it the latest gadget or a few more friends on social media, chances are we don’t actually need it, we just want it. Kelly has a trusted method she suggests we use whenever we are faced with making choices. She suggests we ask ourselves these three questions:
Do I need this? Why do I really want this? Is there anything beneath this want that may be messing with my judgment here?
By asking ourselves these three questions when faced with making decisions we can, the author assures us, be sure we are not just letting the ego lead.
This book is a revelation when it comes to getting rid of the negativity in your life. Positivity is encouraged but dealing with the negative is also encouraged and this is usually where we get into trouble when we do this kind of work. Kelly doesn’t promise that we are going to suddenly become forever shiny, happy people, that just isn’t real. What she does encourage is to deal with all of the negative emotions as and when they arise in order to release them so that they have no power over us. For me that is a winning formula, it is down to earth and very practical. Not everyone buys into positive thinking anyway so this book is just what you need if you fall into that category.
I would highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to take their life in their own hands and steer it towards the best version of themselves. This book gets right into the heart of why we so often fail at becoming better versions of ourselves. If you are looking for a no-nonsense book that will help you improve your life, then this is the book for you.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. FIVE STARS *****
All good and well in theory, but putting all of that into practice is another matter entirely. If your life has been one catastrophe after another or one big mess after another then it is really difficult to just swallow all of that anger, bitterness, the disappointment, then you will understand just how difficult it is to be the best version of yourself.
This book encourages the reader to be fully present in the moment and if that means you have to work on why you are feeling angry about something, then that is what you have to do. The author tells us that it is healthier to vent in private – she suggests using a journal or even a trusted person whom you can vent away to. Self-help books have a tendency just to focus on the positive but Kelly wants us to work on all of our feelings. This is very different to the usual love and light that most self-help books preach and I found it wonderfully refreshing.
Am I angry that some people use me? You bet I am. Kelly writes that it is OK for me to feel that anger. She encourages me to get personal with it and work with it, and I have found that this is a lot more healthy than suppressing it and expecting it to just go away. That’s the thing with negative emotions though, ignoring them will not just make them go away and left to their own devices they have the potential to fester and grow into something rather unpleasant. Dealing with the negative stuff releases those feelings that we have about the situation that is getting us all bent out of shape and that in turn leads to a much healthy version of ourselves.
Kelly also encourages us to let go of our ego centred way of thinking. This, for me, is where the real work on ourselves is. How many times have we thought that we need something only to feel disappointment once we have actually got it? That is the ego urging us on, telling us we must have the thing we desire. Be it the latest gadget or a few more friends on social media, chances are we don’t actually need it, we just want it. Kelly has a trusted method she suggests we use whenever we are faced with making choices. She suggests we ask ourselves these three questions:
Do I need this? Why do I really want this? Is there anything beneath this want that may be messing with my judgment here?
By asking ourselves these three questions when faced with making decisions we can, the author assures us, be sure we are not just letting the ego lead.
This book is a revelation when it comes to getting rid of the negativity in your life. Positivity is encouraged but dealing with the negative is also encouraged and this is usually where we get into trouble when we do this kind of work. Kelly doesn’t promise that we are going to suddenly become forever shiny, happy people, that just isn’t real. What she does encourage is to deal with all of the negative emotions as and when they arise in order to release them so that they have no power over us. For me that is a winning formula, it is down to earth and very practical. Not everyone buys into positive thinking anyway so this book is just what you need if you fall into that category.
I would highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to take their life in their own hands and steer it towards the best version of themselves. This book gets right into the heart of why we so often fail at becoming better versions of ourselves. If you are looking for a no-nonsense book that will help you improve your life, then this is the book for you.
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. FIVE STARS *****
December 11, 2014
Reviewed by Ayrial King for Readers' Favorite
When Everyone Shines But You by Kelly Martin is not just another self-help book lining the shelf, telling you to think positive or obey the laws of attraction to get anything you want. This book shows you how being human is not only okay, but also a good thing to be. Kelly Martin synthesizes years of reflection and deep soul searching into a multitude of small lessons any person canWhen Everyone Shines But You - Saying Goodbye To I'm Not Good Enough use to do some soul searching as well. This book is not for every person; this is more for those who have read other self-help books on self-esteem and faithfully followed the books to the letter with little or no success. Throughout the book, Martin explains why current self-help books do not help some who seek them out the most and shows you a different path – one a bit less traveled.
Calling all Type A personalities, those who have to plan every minute of their lives or their worlds would crumble before their very eyes, and those who feel they are not worthy of having the “good” or “perfect” lives they imagined themselves having. This book is the wake-up call you need to stop what you’re doing and take a deep breath. You do not need to be in such a big hurry to get to the finish line, nor should you be frozen at the starting line long after the marathon of life began. Martin wants you to look deep within yourself and fully understand that everything will be okay, so long as you don’t have such a death grip on trying to control every aspect of your world. Your world will still be your world – you’ll just be happier in it by the end of When Everyone Shines But You.
When Everyone Shines But You by Kelly Martin is not just another self-help book lining the shelf, telling you to think positive or obey the laws of attraction to get anything you want. This book shows you how being human is not only okay, but also a good thing to be. Kelly Martin synthesizes years of reflection and deep soul searching into a multitude of small lessons any person canWhen Everyone Shines But You - Saying Goodbye To I'm Not Good Enough use to do some soul searching as well. This book is not for every person; this is more for those who have read other self-help books on self-esteem and faithfully followed the books to the letter with little or no success. Throughout the book, Martin explains why current self-help books do not help some who seek them out the most and shows you a different path – one a bit less traveled.
Calling all Type A personalities, those who have to plan every minute of their lives or their worlds would crumble before their very eyes, and those who feel they are not worthy of having the “good” or “perfect” lives they imagined themselves having. This book is the wake-up call you need to stop what you’re doing and take a deep breath. You do not need to be in such a big hurry to get to the finish line, nor should you be frozen at the starting line long after the marathon of life began. Martin wants you to look deep within yourself and fully understand that everything will be okay, so long as you don’t have such a death grip on trying to control every aspect of your world. Your world will still be your world – you’ll just be happier in it by the end of When Everyone Shines But You.
April 3, 2016
While there are some much needed reminders here about staying in the present, and being in tune with yourself, there is also a bit of "the secret" going on here. A bit of "the universe" reflecting back at your state of mind. It's a kind of thinking I find that can make people feel worse about them selves because they don't love themselves enough.
The truth of self-acceptance is that it allows you to stop torturing yourself and spend your energy on more productive and more satisfying things. It allows you to enjoy everything a little bit more. With that in mind, this short book is a great pep-talk on feeling good about yourself.
The truth of self-acceptance is that it allows you to stop torturing yourself and spend your energy on more productive and more satisfying things. It allows you to enjoy everything a little bit more. With that in mind, this short book is a great pep-talk on feeling good about yourself.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 1, 2016
Worst read ever, very hard to follow
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews