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6 RED FLAGS TO RECOGNIZE IN FIRST 3 MONTHS OF RELATIONSHIP: BASED ON OVER 1000 TRUE STORIES OF HEART BREAK AND RECONCILIATION

Ravi Prakash

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It has been proved beyond doubt that a healthy fulfilling relationship is central to a healthy life as well as healthy society. Interestingly studies also show that the societies having fulfilling monogamous relationships have lesser crime rates. However, not all relationships are healthy. In past 10 years (Coincidentally from the same time I started practice of marital mediations), Indian society has seen paradigm shifts in patterns of relationships and marriages. Whereas on one end the divorce rates have more than doubled (paradoxically still remaining less than 1 %, one of the lowest in the world) at the same time, the nature of relationships has shifted from high commitment based monogamous ones to lesser committed and more open associations eventually leading to the proliferation of “Situationships” in the modern era. Both these changes represent the need of a society to have easier and hassle-free separations. Does it mean that relationships have lost their meanings altogether? Have relationships become more unpredictable thereby needing emergency-exit kinds of outlets? In current day circumstances, failure of relationships has become an inevitability? Instead of taking it as a rhetorical question, I started a series of researches on this topic around 10 years back. My sample was obviously the patients who came for marital therapy or couple’s counselling. Thus started my journey of marital researches. With patient’s permissions, I started recording their conversations and started exploring their pasts in details. How the relationship started, what happened in the initial few months etc. I think the research papers that I started writing from that time became an inspiration to write a book in this context eventually. Slowly as time passed, I started realizing that most of the relationships can actually thrive to become beautiful life events. Relationships have not lot meaning. It’s the people in the relationships that are the problem. People get hints about the problems and incompatibilities very early in a relationship, when they are just getting into one. But they are not able to recognize and therefore rectify these mistakes in either themselves or in their partners. These first 3 months of a relationship are very crucial to understand your partner as well as your own needs in a relationship. However, these first 3 months are also full of excitement, passion and inquisitiveness towards the partner. Therefore, it is easy to get carried away in these emotions and miss certain important indicators. Also, in the initial few weeks, people put up the best versions of themselves thereby camouflaging themselves with the desired perception that the other person wants to see. Therefore, the red flags get hidden in this phase. But the problem is that this phase itself is temporary. It will pass and will give way to a life long partnership, which will not only keep having these red flags but also will most probably get aggravated with passage of time. The purpose of this book is to equip new couples with the recognition ability for these red flags. Its ok to enjoy the first 3 months but it is also needed that one remains vigilant for the existence of any red flags. If any one or several of these 6 red flags are there, the partners should become cautious and seek help if needed by a couple's counselor. It is always better to prevent your relationship or marriage from getting hit by the consequences of these red flags than correcting them subsequently, because separation in any form always comes with sufferings. So it is always imperative to remember- Prevention is better than cure.

78 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 3, 2025