How I Stayed Alive When My Brain Was Trying to Kill Me: One Person's Guide to Suicide Prevention

by Susan Rose Blauner

An international epidemic, suicide has touched the lives of nearly half of all Americans, yet is rarely talked about openly. In this timely and important book, Susan Blauner breaks the silence to offer guidance and hope for those contemplating ending their lives -- and for their loved ones. A survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Blauner eloquently describes the feelings and fantasies surrounding suicide. In a direct, nonjudgmental, and loving voice, she offers affirmations and suggestions for those experiencing life-ending thoughts, and for their friends and family. Here is an essential resource destined to be the classic guide on the subject.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Mental Health, Self Help, Mental Illness, Memoir, Health

352 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

Reviews

[Melody · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are several good suggestions in this book. I believe it will help me. It reminds me of some of the mindfulness exercises I have done in intensive outpatient programs. That being said, this book really gets on my nerves. The first reason is because the author asserts from "evidence" based in various suicide attempts that suicidal people don't really wish to die, when the conclusion I would come to is that if you are going to take your life, you ought to do it in a way that is sure to kill you. She should have been more aware of what she was suggesting. Also, as an atheist, I did not appreciate the times when the author suggested that she wouldn't have gotten better if she hadn't found god. I don't appreciate the insinuation, which is often encountered by depressed atheists, that I will not get better until I delude myself. So, thanks for that.

[Ashwise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I lost my grandfather to sucide and I work in crisis situations so I thought the book would be helpful. wrong! though I loved the safety plans I hated the patronizing way the writer wrote almost as if she were babying the reader and offering false comfort. There were a few times I found myself questioning the authors viewpoint like do you know what it's like to be depressed or struggle with sucide ideation for 10 years? I would only reread for the coping skills and plans.

[aqilahreads · Rating 3 out of 5]

it took me MONTHS to finish this book and that says it all :')

its triggering at times so i wished it was more of a mental-illness-friendly book rather than something that would stir up lotsa memories here and there - some may even associate with a particular traumatic experience that makes you feel much worse.

but its such a necessary read & im still glad i picked this up. lotsa good strategies that are so helpful - but just remember that it might not work for everyone - different people have different ways of coping and in the end, its all about finding the best ones that works for you.

its important to also know the signs and be there with your loved ones when things get tough for them. it only takes a click away to reach out 🌱

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you start a paragraph with "Merriam-Webster's Collegiate Dictionary defines life as..." I am already back at the library returning the book.
Good intentions, but the execution is flat and unpersuasive, to say the least

[Misty Dawn · Rating 1 out of 5]

I learned absolutely nothing from this book. What little valuable information it contained I'd already crossed in real books. It's rather a feel-good piece o' crap. In my opinion.

[McKinley]

If you are or have been suicidal, I think this book is better read for certain coping mechanisms when you are at a stable period in your life. I didn’t finish it. I’m not currently suicidal, but I read some things that were triggering and made me furious. I don’t believe that was the author’s intent. I would have vetted the people who wrote the forewords better. I believe her mission is to genuinely help people. I don’t know how effective this book actually would be in a crisis.

I did see that some people picked it up to help loved ones in their lives. To those people: your loved one is lucky to have you. Love them and be there for them. You don’t have to talk. Let them talk and try to truly understand what they’re saying and where they’re coming from. Don’t force your thoughts and feelings on them. LISTEN. If I knew someone was actively researching ways to help me during my suicidal periods, I think that would have made me feel very special.

[Chloé Mannix · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very helpful. It is weird though that I actually did read it when I was in a stable place after a major period of depression.

I actually think that this worked better for me as there is a lot to take in with the book. I think that the title is fantastic because for me that is exactly how I felt, kinda stuck in a place where I was in a lot of emotional pain but didn't really want to die but because I couldn't see a way out it became my only option.
It was nice to see that someone who had been through the hell of depression made it out and was able to write a book. It gave me hope when I looked back on how much my mental illness had messed up my life especially career wise that I to could piece things back together and work towards having a good life. Thanks Susan Blauner for writing this book :)

[Brittany Henry · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are definitely helpful resources and tools in this book, but I took issue with the claim that no suicidal person actually wants to die. If that is the author’s experience, I think that is highly relatable, but I don’t think she can paint such a broad brush stroke without evidence. It felt a little condescending to me. I think intentions were good and I do appreciate her sharing her story. It was a helpful 101 guide on how to talk to and listen to a suicidal thinker - it gets points for that.

[Lyndsey Hawkins · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF

[Arlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

I keep this book close by and reread it frequently. A must-have for anyone who suffers from severe depression.

[Kathleen Creedon · Rating 4 out of 5]

heavy, but helpful. i imagine the workbook this comes with would be more helpful than just listening (which i did), but it was informative nonetheless

[Nikki Clark · Rating 4 out of 5]

It felt a bit condescending at times, but it had good coping strategies. I just largely ignored the spirituality sections as those hold no interest for me.

[Songs and Sonnets · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish I'd had a copy of this book when I was suicidal. It's full of simple, practical ideas for keeping yourself safe and beginning to feel better. The crisis plan is especially good, and easy to follow even when you find it hard to think straight. The only reason I gave this book four stars rather than five is that I came across it after I'd recovered, and haven't tried out all of its techniques myself - but from my experience of what did help me, they're all excellent.
"How I Stayed Alive..." would also be a useful self-help book for people who self-injure, even if they don't feel suicidal. Most of the suggestions work just as well for getting through the urge to self-harm.

I've heard two main criticisms of this book. The first is that the author wasn't "really" suicidal, but just attention-seeking. I disagree. All suicide attempts should be taken seriously, even if the person's done it many times before, or chooses to get help afterwards. In fact, the more unsuccessful suicide attempts a person has made, the more likely they are statistically to die by their own hand. And seeking medical help after one has taken an overdose can, tragically, be too late. That's why books such as this one are so important, because they help prevent the suicide attempts in the first place. Admittedly, this book is aimed mainly at people whose suicidal thoughts and feelings come and go, and who need help in getting through those difficult times without harming themselves. Someone who is unrelentingly suicidal and not interested in alternative courses of action probably needs to be in hospital, not reading a self-help book.

The other criticism I've heard is that not all the book's suggestions can be used by everyone. That's true. A lot of the suggestions regarding emergency mental health treatment and helplines just don't apply to the UK. But "How I Stayed Alive..." also contains many techniques that require nothing more than a copy of the book. I'd encourage anyone who uses this book to adapt the crisis plan to their own particular situation, removing any steps that aren't appropriate and adding in anything extra they can think of - but it really is an excellent starting point.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Those who read this book to support loved ones with suicidal ideation may be alarmed at the significant emotional turmoil of the author. Her history of sexual abuse as a child and her diagnosis of borderline personality disorder set her apart somewhat from other people struggling with suicidal ideation. Loved ones often struggle to understand the "why" of someone's suicidal ideation, questioning "can it really be that bad," particularly when presented with someone's story like Blauner's where there is clear trauma. They try to rationalize, saying "it's not like you were sexually/physically abused or in a war zone." So this book might not be the best fit for someone who is still in the boat of thinking people with suicidal ideation just need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.
My primary caveat with the book is that the title of "how I stayed alive" led me to expect that there would be significant biographical material; however, there is not. What is shared, is not chronological and feels jumbled.
The bulk of the book is a list of strategies for what to do when you feel suicidal. These strategies, while lacking organization, are, for the most part, very helpful. The lack of organization makes this a difficult book to "power through", at least for me. Not that every book has to powered through. Sometimes, though, it is desirable when you want immediate change. The section towards the back that is designed for those supporting people with suicidal ideation is more straightforward.
Blauner's ideas on spirituality are also a little odd and may be off-putting to the person who wants to talk down the jumper from the bridge without a reference to higher powers, as well as to the person with much more specific ideas about the nature of God.

[No, David! No! · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure when I first started what I would think. I didn't like the preface, and was worried that the book might be similar. I was pleased that it didn't continue that way.

The majority of the book talks about how the author learned to overcome suicidal thoughts. She shares her personal story. More useful, she shares very specific examples and exercises that she used to change her thinking. Because she focused on overcoming the suicidal thoughts, the tricks she teaches are helpful for addressing ANY kind of thinking errors and negative behavior. She does a great job giving very practical steps to dealing with daily struggles.

She also has a section for those that have a friend or family member with suicidal thoughts. She again gives practical advice on what you can do each day. I really appreciated her advice, because it was so different from what you normally read in suicide prevention books. Her advice is to listen, love, and help. She specifically advises against the normal responses of telling people that is wrong, or it would be terrible, or they don't really want to do that. It was refreshing to me to read that, because that is exactly what I want to hear. (It matched what I had written months ago on the same subject. http://sinceyouaskedbert.blogspot.com... )

I thought this was a great book for anyone dealing with suicide, with a loved one considering suicide, or with other mental illness, addictions, or negative coping.

[Jennifer Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book wasn't only an account of the author's personal experience with depression and suicide attempts but also focused on the reality that those who want to commit suicide dont want to die but rather want the pain they are in to end. It also includes "tricks of the trade", which includes quite an extensive list of different exercises, affirmations, therapies, and importance of crisis plans which can be beyond helpful for those in a suicidal mindframe. The book ends with a list of real resources for people who need help and explanations of the resources.

The author is quite mindful that this book may be too emotionally intense for readers and reminds people to set time limits while reading and asks that the reader checks in with themselves to see how they are feeling emotionally and physically while reading.

[AJ · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book did help me reframe my thoughts and refresh my DBT skills, but I do have a few words of warning about it and let me state upfront that this is NOT a chronic-illness-friendly book.

This book is unintentionally written from a place of privilege (which is fair enough, privilege doesn’t guarantee mental health and everyone has their own struggles), so it definitely might not be the best fit for everyone. I encountered ableist presumptions about healthcare for physical illnesses, binarist language regarding menstruation, assumptions about isolation being chosen, problematic language around food and exercise, and a few other phrases that just rubbed me up the wrong way. Honestly, I came very close to walking away from this book a few times and really only finished it because I had made a commitment to myself that I would.

[Dee · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone who experiences "chronic" or constant suicidal thoughts, or getting past a mindset surrounded by that option... this book is amazing. I used post it tabs throughout the whole book so that I can revisit and be reminded of all the different ways I can help myself without reaching out externally!! THIS BOOK IS AMAZING AND I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT TO ANYONE WHO HAS ATTEMPTED SUICIDE OR STRUGGLES WITH THOUGHTS.

also!!! author suffers from borderline personality disorder- not so much of severe depression or bipolar. it is suicidal thinking and moving on for/from borderlines... it's not supposed to be for depression, if that's what you're look for- this isn't it. this is for the person that can't help but think of suicide when they're overwhelmed and overstimulated by life.

[Lex · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as someone who has worked in the suicide prevention field (in fact, at one of the call centers listed in the book), not as someone in need of these techniques myself. This book would be more useful to people who are in crisis, but this recommended many of the things well researched as good tools for suicide prevention. The author is down to earth, and the act that she has experienced these feelings herself is made evident. I'd recommend this book to clients more than professionals, though this would form as a useful guide to clinicians who may not be versed in other suicide prevention methods (like ASIST, which I think is probably the best model for professionals).

[Melody · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although this book was triggering sometimes, Susan Blauner is a godsend. She had a great idea and she brought it to life with this book and I'm very grateful to have discovered it. It took a long time to work through it, but I'm glad I had it when I needed it. I already know I'm going to read it again in the future - multiple times - and I hope to keep it for the rest of my life. It's a resource that, as a depressed person who's thought about suicide (then and now), I need very much. I didn't know how much I needed a book like this until I started reading it.

[♥ · Rating 4 out of 5]

okay this lady suggests taking a carton of eggs out into the woods and hitting them with a baseball bat (labelling the eggs with ur sadnesses optional) and i thought that was hilarious and awesome.

how many suicidal people are willing to pick up a book tho? not many i would hazard. there's valuable advice in here regarding making crisis plans and how to communicate your feels but it's not like you can just give this book to someone.

[Cyd · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blauner wrote this book to share her experience with suicidal states and how she survived them, and I have used some of her strategies many times. As a person with bipolar disorder and PTSD, I recommend this book to anyone who struggles with severe mental illness and/or suicidal thoughts. A mentally ill brain will try to kill its owner at times, and this book is full of ways to distract that brain until it is again able to take care of itself.

[E · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd be willing to bet that everyone has been touched by suicide in one way or another. This book not only gives insight into suicidal thinking, but gives practical tips for general stress management, and ways to be more effective to someone trying to be well. Many of the strategies in this book apply to other mental health difficulties. Very thoughtful and informative.

[Eva · Rating 1 out of 5]

Like most books about depression and suicide, the experiences described do not reflect my own experiences with suicide attempts and suicidal ideation. This book only captures what is like to be a self-sufficient physically healthy adult with family, friends, and money to support oneself.

As a side note, the chapter on spirituality and the afterlife is patronizing AF.

[Bethany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found many of the things in this book quite helpful, particularly given that there are no other books for suicidal thinkers explicitly by suicidal thinkers. The resources section is extensive and helpful as well.

[Erica · Rating 3 out of 5]

So far it seems helpful. Reminds me of The Courage to Heal, or The Feel Good Handbook, in that it has lots and lots of exercises and lists to do, and it recommends that you work through it slowly.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really well done. Would recommend it for providers and patients.

[Amanda Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a MUST READ for people with chronic suicidal thoughts. It's really helped me.

[Kathleen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like how she tells us that a suicide attempt may end in death.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are in crisis dial 911 or see this website for a list of help lines in your area https://suicideprevention.ca/need-help/ (in Canada)
http://www.yourlifecounts.org/need-he... (worldwide list of crisis hotlines)
In the States call 1-800-273-8255

“I wish I could make your suicidal thoughts disappear, but I can't. What I can do is teach you how to get through those excruciating moments when every cell in your brain and body is screaming, 'I want to die!' By surviving those moments unharmed and learning new ways of coping, you will gradually create a set of tools that can make life more manageable.” (3)

I had never heard of this book until I passed it on a library shelf in a period of random wanderings. It is exactly what it says, a collection of what Blauner refers to as “Tricks of the Trade” that allowed her – with the guidance and assistance of regular therapy, and the stabilizing effect of medication – to cope with and gradually disarm the suicidal thoughts that for 18 years ruled her days, hospitalized her three times, and nearly ended her life. It is at times a very challenging book, aside from teaching readers how to reformat their brains and keep themselves alive, Blauner includes discussions of her prior suicidal gestures that at times go from frank and open right into graphic. She recommends reading this book in small, manageable chunks, remaining aware of your body while you do, and if you get distressed take a break and do something nice for yourself. Excellent advice that can be applied in a variety of situations. And then there's the crisis plans, meditations, exercises in identifying your feelings and breaking habit loops. It's a very thorough book. I hope everyone who needs a copy will find it.