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Some Thoughts About Relationships
Relationships have the potential to drastically improve our lives, or to sucker punch us in the emotional gut. Impactful as these interpersonal ties can be, it’s worth the effort to become more familiar with them, question a lot of our default notions that surround them, and calibrate them to best suit our needs and those of the people we care about.
This is a book for people who want it all when it comes to something tailor-made for their unique beliefs, goals, desires, and lifestyles. This is a book for people who aren’t afraid to ask, “How might we do this better?”
This is a book for people who want it all when it comes to something tailor-made for their unique beliefs, goals, desires, and lifestyles. This is a book for people who aren’t afraid to ask, “How might we do this better?”
82 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 12, 2015
45 people are currently reading
1134 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews
March 13, 2016
Is it full of common sense, rational relationship advice? Yep.
Could you have come up with this on your own (assuming you're emotionally mature)? Yep.
Do you sometimes just really need a quick reminder of common sense, rational relationship advice? Yep.
Could you have come up with this on your own (assuming you're emotionally mature)? Yep.
Do you sometimes just really need a quick reminder of common sense, rational relationship advice? Yep.
December 20, 2018
I am normally leery of self-help books, which not only often tend to state the obvious, but do so in an overtly glib manner that I find condescending and irritating in equal measure. Colin Wright is an interesting person, and ‘Some Thoughts About Relationships’ such a dry-and-sly title in the vein of David Foster Wallace, that I decided to give this a bash. Not even a hundred pages; I’m sure my ego could survive it.
To my surprise, this turned out to be one of the most thoughtful and insightful books I have read this year. The writing style is minimalist, and the pared-back prose has to be parsed quite carefully for its rich content. This content is, yes, obvious and common-sense, like having respect, open communication, and learning to love yourself, etc. However, there is a Zen-like, matter-of-fact quality that I really liked, and which I think gives this small book extraordinary heft and depth.
From sex to intimacy, jealousy, friends, and dealing with issues like changing needs and priorities as a relationship matures, Wright’s advice is sane and measured. Everything begins with the individual, and hence perhaps the best section of this book for me was Wright’s advice about ‘baggage’:
This policy helps alleviate the issue of judging all future relationships by the standards and risks and payoffs of the past. This is often called ‘baggage’, and the baggage in this case is us hauling around all these preconceived notions about who we are, how our interactions with other people need to be or will be, and what that other person’s motivations are. … Don’t force something that isn’t there; embrace what is … Your most intimate relationship is, and should always be, with yourself.
To my surprise, this turned out to be one of the most thoughtful and insightful books I have read this year. The writing style is minimalist, and the pared-back prose has to be parsed quite carefully for its rich content. This content is, yes, obvious and common-sense, like having respect, open communication, and learning to love yourself, etc. However, there is a Zen-like, matter-of-fact quality that I really liked, and which I think gives this small book extraordinary heft and depth.
From sex to intimacy, jealousy, friends, and dealing with issues like changing needs and priorities as a relationship matures, Wright’s advice is sane and measured. Everything begins with the individual, and hence perhaps the best section of this book for me was Wright’s advice about ‘baggage’:
This policy helps alleviate the issue of judging all future relationships by the standards and risks and payoffs of the past. This is often called ‘baggage’, and the baggage in this case is us hauling around all these preconceived notions about who we are, how our interactions with other people need to be or will be, and what that other person’s motivations are. … Don’t force something that isn’t there; embrace what is … Your most intimate relationship is, and should always be, with yourself.
December 21, 2017
In my opinion, everyone should read this book. So many of us enter relationships mindlessly, without intention and thought before we connect with another human being. The concepts in this short book are so simple, yet so often ignored. My favorite concept was the "Campsite Policy," in which you basically go into a new relationship the same way you go to a campsite. You have the mindset that you will leave that campsite in the same or even better condition than when you arrived. That means you don't tear it up, you don't litter everywhere, and you don't leave a huge mess for the next camper. So simple, right? But when was the last time you went into a relationship that mindfully, with the goal to leave that person in better shape than when you found them -- whether you stayed with them or not? This book is full of little nuggets like that, and I thoroughly enjoyed the read. Plus, I absolutely love Colin Wright and follow his newsletter, blog, and podcasts. He's a great guy to follow if you love travel, minimalism, and talking about something other than the weather at parties. ;)
July 25, 2015
A lot of solid, common sense relationship advice. Though I can see some people not liking what Colin has to say, since he's basically saying relationships take work, you should talk about uncomfortable subjects early, and other such things. For most people u imagine this equates to taking the romance out of the equation, but mostly to me it just seems like an adult, emotionally mature way of approaching things.
November 25, 2015
I find it hard to believe Colin is always this rational in love, but what he wrote resonated powerfully with me and in many cases lines up with where my friends and I have netted out after twenty years of dating, navigating marriage, kids, and in some cases, divorce and remarriage. A must-read.
May 14, 2019
Layman’s Guide To Love
If you’ve read enough books about relationships, heard an episode or two of The Savage Lovecast, watched Dr Phil/Jerry Springer/Oprah/Riki Lake on sick days, heard Rupaul say: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell can you love somebody else?” once, think you have more common sense than the average human, asked your mother/grandmother/fun aunt Toni-with-an-i for relationship advice last Christmas; you probably will go through the entirety of this book rolling your eyes and saying: “Duh! Obviously! Well, of course! This isn’t new! I’ve heard it all before!! Where’s the secret?”
Well, we’ve all heard it all before. Yet here we all are either reading this book or thinking about reading this book.
Ultimately, I think it’s worth the read. It breaks down the bases of relationships into chunks or “policies” as Wright calls them. These policies are in no way mandatory and should probably be used as exercises that will help you figure out what you want and need from a relationship. If you were to read the book whilst performing mild self-analysis, you could greatly benefit from it. It’d help you figure out “what went wrong” in a previous relationship or what you’d require in a future one. You might even realise that you don’t know what you want or need and this need to take time to figure out things for yourself.
One example that I’ll give from the book is the “Build Up Policy” which is a later chapter, it discuses and describes how little jibes and jokes at your partner’s expense can build up over time even when you think it’s blatantly obvious that you are joking and that they know you’re joking.
If you’ve read enough books about relationships, heard an episode or two of The Savage Lovecast, watched Dr Phil/Jerry Springer/Oprah/Riki Lake on sick days, heard Rupaul say: “If you can’t love yourself, how the hell can you love somebody else?” once, think you have more common sense than the average human, asked your mother/grandmother/fun aunt Toni-with-an-i for relationship advice last Christmas; you probably will go through the entirety of this book rolling your eyes and saying: “Duh! Obviously! Well, of course! This isn’t new! I’ve heard it all before!! Where’s the secret?”
Well, we’ve all heard it all before. Yet here we all are either reading this book or thinking about reading this book.
Ultimately, I think it’s worth the read. It breaks down the bases of relationships into chunks or “policies” as Wright calls them. These policies are in no way mandatory and should probably be used as exercises that will help you figure out what you want and need from a relationship. If you were to read the book whilst performing mild self-analysis, you could greatly benefit from it. It’d help you figure out “what went wrong” in a previous relationship or what you’d require in a future one. You might even realise that you don’t know what you want or need and this need to take time to figure out things for yourself.
One example that I’ll give from the book is the “Build Up Policy” which is a later chapter, it discuses and describes how little jibes and jokes at your partner’s expense can build up over time even when you think it’s blatantly obvious that you are joking and that they know you’re joking.
January 6, 2019
Colin Wright creates a fantastic reflection on his thoughts of relationships. I like that he does not focus on intimate relationships, but all types (i.e. friendships, relationships with parents, open relationships, etc.). Although I wish Wright wrote more, his book left a great impression on me and my perspectives of relationships.
I took away a star because of two factors: spelling mistakes and word choice inconsistencies. I appreciate Wright disclaiming at the beginning that any spelling or grammar mistakes are all on his part. And yes, there are a couple of spelling mistakes that I believe could have been caught. Also, Wright's word choices are inconsistent. By inconsistent, I mean that he has a strong vocabulary that makes his points strong and clear, but then he uses many contractions. Wright should have not used contractions and just right out the words.
I like that his table of contents is simple and easy to understand. His policy titles are simple, yet perfect. Wright shares his own thoughts, and I believe that not everyone will see eye to eye with his beliefs. Which is why I will put out a disclaimer (as harsh as this may sound) that if you are not open-minded when it comes to relationships in general, do not read this book.
I highly recommend this book to those who enjoy Colin Wright's podcasts, YouTube videos, and other books. I also recommend that you attend one of his tours. Wright truly is a rare individual who I think all will benefit from his open-mindedness.
I took away a star because of two factors: spelling mistakes and word choice inconsistencies. I appreciate Wright disclaiming at the beginning that any spelling or grammar mistakes are all on his part. And yes, there are a couple of spelling mistakes that I believe could have been caught. Also, Wright's word choices are inconsistent. By inconsistent, I mean that he has a strong vocabulary that makes his points strong and clear, but then he uses many contractions. Wright should have not used contractions and just right out the words.
I like that his table of contents is simple and easy to understand. His policy titles are simple, yet perfect. Wright shares his own thoughts, and I believe that not everyone will see eye to eye with his beliefs. Which is why I will put out a disclaimer (as harsh as this may sound) that if you are not open-minded when it comes to relationships in general, do not read this book.
I highly recommend this book to those who enjoy Colin Wright's podcasts, YouTube videos, and other books. I also recommend that you attend one of his tours. Wright truly is a rare individual who I think all will benefit from his open-mindedness.
March 11, 2024
I have such a good track record for pulling out random books at the library 😅 This caught my eye because of the minimalist name and design. In this case, it's absolutely a hidden treasure. Pure and straightforward, the author lays out relationship tips as "policies", talking about how you can set yourself up for maximum success by committing to certain ideas as necessity. Some people might say that it's too basic, or that a book like this doesn't matter because it's all common knowledge... I completely disagree. Reading these in a clear, digestible way is a great reminder, no matter how long you've been in a relationship. Common things often aren't discussed enough simply because it's assumed to be unnecessary, which is why I think this matters. Everyone needs to hear the basics at least once. Even so, Wright offers some unique perspectives that made this especially relatable and fun to read. Honestly, I think most people should read it and will no doubt be buying my own copy (and loaning it out).
Some of my favorite concepts include:
- Campsite Policy (leave people better than you found them)
- Friends First Policy (take pressure off of relationships by actually getting to know people beyond romance; if it doesn't work out, you can actually stay friends if you were friends in the first place)
- I'll Tell You Policy (committing to mentioning issues as soon as they happen takes pressure off of every other moment, since you know that nothing bad is happening if you don't know about it)
Some of my favorite concepts include:
- Campsite Policy (leave people better than you found them)
- Friends First Policy (take pressure off of relationships by actually getting to know people beyond romance; if it doesn't work out, you can actually stay friends if you were friends in the first place)
- I'll Tell You Policy (committing to mentioning issues as soon as they happen takes pressure off of every other moment, since you know that nothing bad is happening if you don't know about it)
October 20, 2018
I've thoroughly enjoyed Wright's podcast "Let's Know Things." He spends 45 minutes diving deep into a concept such as plastic bags, soybeans, or privacy. There's just enough personal opinion and spin on top of fantastic accounts. Before I turn this into a podcast review: This book is a great compilation of 'relationship principles.' They are mostly commonsensical. That is, if someone else had spent a while with the same goal in mind (defining relationship policies), I'd be surprised if they ended up far from where Wright landed. That said, common sense just means that they are easy to accept—not that we implement them when we should. Wright's is a great compilation and reminder of how we should approach the relationships with friends, family, and partner.
November 21, 2021
This is just a brilliant book. It's a guide to rational and good behaviour in relationships. While it does note that most of these remarks are generaliseable to all relationships, it does focus on romantic relationships. It is similar in essence to Mark Manson's "Models" but less about dating. It is wider in scope than most books on relationships as it just states policies and doesn't address individual issues. In short, from the get go it's a guide to how to apply to a relationship what Sam Harris noted in "The End of Faith": "Reason is nothing less than the guardian of love.". It's short; I read it in two sittings. Overall, it felt like the book I've long been waiting for.
February 8, 2018
A short book with solid principals on being healthy and happy with other people. While most people realize a key factor in any relationship- be it a friendship, romantic, or otherwise -requires clear communication, Wright breaks down the question of *what* needs to be communicated. I don't believe that a person needs a reason to read this book as the outlined principals can, at minimum, serve as a refresher on putting more intention and focus behind your day-to-day handlings with other humans.
March 29, 2018
Listened to the author read this book - listened to it twice. Short and full of logic based, almost businesslike approaches to relationships that abhor all forms of dysfunction. Really good stuff. My biggest takeaway was ditching the "first date," full of expectation and pressure, replacing it with genuinely getting to know someone and allowing a friendship and connection to build before placing romantic expectations. I expect this will enable me to make more friends and stress less.
November 22, 2020
Quote:
“Whatever your priorities, whoever you are, and whichever people you’re fortunate enough to bring into your life, for a time, or forever, remember that healthy relationships start with you. They start with your own level of self-confidence, your individual ability to be present and committed to growth, and your personal dedication to be a net-positive for the world; to be someone who adds to the lives of others, rather than sapping them of joy and momentum. Your most intimate relationship is, and should always be, with yourself. Acknowledge and maintain that foundation, then reach out into the world and help others do the same. Ensure that your sense of “me” is mighty so that your sense of “we” can follow suit.”
“Whatever your priorities, whoever you are, and whichever people you’re fortunate enough to bring into your life, for a time, or forever, remember that healthy relationships start with you. They start with your own level of self-confidence, your individual ability to be present and committed to growth, and your personal dedication to be a net-positive for the world; to be someone who adds to the lives of others, rather than sapping them of joy and momentum. Your most intimate relationship is, and should always be, with yourself. Acknowledge and maintain that foundation, then reach out into the world and help others do the same. Ensure that your sense of “me” is mighty so that your sense of “we” can follow suit.”
March 10, 2021
Good book. Enjoy Colin's thinking and think this book was great exposure to intentional living, minimalism, and Colin's lifestyle design. I interpreted much of the advice to be more applicable for a romantic relationship, although some could just as easily apply to friendships. Enjoyed his campsite policy - leave people as you found them or better off as a result of your interactions. Overall thought provoking.
November 18, 2018
Excellent book on relationship guidelines.
Plenty of comments along the lines of "it's common sense".
But common sense is not so common, and this book is a good way to revisit some of these ideas intentionally (for me anyway).
If I have it my way, this should be a mandatory read for everyone on Earth. Would save a great deal of hurt.
Plenty of comments along the lines of "it's common sense".
But common sense is not so common, and this book is a good way to revisit some of these ideas intentionally (for me anyway).
If I have it my way, this should be a mandatory read for everyone on Earth. Would save a great deal of hurt.
January 12, 2021
Peace of mind
A realistic and straight to the point read about relationships. Whether you are or are not in a relationship, this books opens the mind to pretty much all aspects of relationships. Granted not all things are important to certain people and in my experience some topics were missing, but it puts my mind at ease about my current relationship.
A realistic and straight to the point read about relationships. Whether you are or are not in a relationship, this books opens the mind to pretty much all aspects of relationships. Granted not all things are important to certain people and in my experience some topics were missing, but it puts my mind at ease about my current relationship.
January 28, 2023
It looked to be interesting by the title. Also was a recommended read by the minimalist. It has very concise and straightforward way on relationships, but not my style of book. It is a good book for a couple that is missing their romance and need some help with a quick read. If your relationship is going well like mine no need to read it.
January 1, 2025
I recommend this quickie reminder for anyone in relationships or maybe going to be in a relationship (so almost everyone!). It's concise and easy to reflect on these guidelines (not rules!) for (mostly romantic, but not exclusively!) people in relationships.
I especially appreciated the following of Colin Wright's policies: All-Options, Alliance, Space Silence Privacy, Stress, Sex and Happiness!
I especially appreciated the following of Colin Wright's policies: All-Options, Alliance, Space Silence Privacy, Stress, Sex and Happiness!
August 28, 2017
A lot of common sense and rational relationship advice, a bit too obvious tho. The book is easy and pleasant to read.
February 21, 2018
Simple, yet profound, reminders that honesty is the best policy.
October 25, 2018
Simple, common-sense stuff. Took all of an hour to power through.
October 1, 2020
Great audio book for walks. Gets your really thinking.
June 18, 2021
My partner and I read this together and both really enjoyed it, it was a very quick read and something we will reference back to often.
Read
August 18, 2022Couldn’t get more than 10 min in. Narrator is awful. Abandoned.
November 9, 2022
great book…. You guys should read it but I did pay real money for it :/
December 12, 2023
Yearly reread didn’t hit as much as it used to
February 7, 2025
Good book, definitely worth the quick read.
January 6, 2021
(Audiobook)
March 20, 2017
Very well articulated advise
As usual with Colin, very nice to read. I found useful the definition of these rules of thumb for happy and rewarding relationships
As usual with Colin, very nice to read. I found useful the definition of these rules of thumb for happy and rewarding relationships
June 23, 2021
Some good points and I generally agreed with everything, but this 85-page book was wildly oversimplified. The solution to jealousy is to push jealous thoughts aside? Ok, great… but how? Felt more like a magazine article than a book.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 40 reviews