How to be Free from Bitterness, and Other Essays on Christian Relationships

by Jim Wilson

Bitterness often grows out of a small offense: perhaps a passing word, an accidental shove, or a pair of dirty socks left in the middle of the living room floor. Yet when bitterness takes root in our hearts, its effects are anything but small. In this collection of short articles, Jim Wilson and others discuss what it means to live as "imitators of God." As the Apostle Paul says in Ephesians, we have been called to leave the bitterness and anger of the world and instead embrace the love and compassion of our God. The authors remind us that we are to forgive others just as we have been forgiven, pointing to Scriptural admonitions and examples as they offer sound teaching on the trials and temptations of everyday life.

Genres: Christian, Theology, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Christianity, Relationships, Marriage

120 pages, Paperback

First published April 30, 2007

About the author

Jim Wilson has worked as a pastor and director of Community Christian Ministries (Moscow, Idaho) for over forty years. Before that, he served in the Navy as an officer for nine years and then with Officer's Christian Fellowship for another twelve years. Jim has authored a number of books, including How to Be Free from Bitterness, and is well-known for his practical Bible teaching on relationships and evangelism. He was married to his wife, Bessie, from 1952 until her death in 2010, and is the father of four, grandfather of fifteen (one of whom is in heaven), and great-grandfather of twenty-five and counting.

Reviews

[Knowlton Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

My wife recently noticed a "root of bitterness" starting to spring up in me, and helped me see it too. This book is a hard blessing, and a timely gift from God. It's hard because it describes me personally and exactly. What he describes as the thoughts and actions of bitterness are exactly the sort of things I have gradually allowed myself to think and do. It is a blessing, too, though--it is a blessing, a true gift of grace from God, to be equipped with such powerful ammunition against bitterness as is contained here. And timely, too. I honestly think that right now, in all my spheres of life and influence (marriage, fatherhood, ministry, etc.), I have come to diverging paths. One leads to a life with bitterness, the other to a life without it. In the imagery of a "root of bitterness", it is good to think of it as an actual root--small, unassuming, not taking up too much space. And that is the stage it was at in my heart. But this root grows into a mighty and fruit-bearing tree. Thank God for the timely gift of hard truths. And thank God for a wise wife!

[Tyler Turdici · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best books I’ve read on the subject. The final two chapters on the relationship between parents and their children are worth the book itself.

[Becky Pliego · Rating 5 out of 5]

Probably the best book on the topic. It is straightforward, unashamedly biblical, incredibly practical, and super easy to read.

[Bekah Hastings · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good. If you think you don’t struggle with bitterness or anger, read this book. I was deeply humbled.

[Rebeca · Rating 5 out of 5]

Como a igreja atual seria diferente se cada cristão lesse esse livro. Largaria a amargura, ira, acessos de raiva, ressentimento.

Wilson traz soluções práticas e diretas a problemas reais.

Só descobri que eu precisava ler esse livro depois de lê-lo.

[ThePrill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love. Repent. Forgive. Repeat.

Boiling down Jim Wilson's book, I think this is what I would claim is his answer to the question, 'how can I be free from bitterness?' Turns out, that's the recipe for dealing with a lot of other Christian relationships as well.

And those aren't just flippant words. What Wilson advocates for is saturating love, overkill love that loves especially when the recipient pulls away and makes the recipient secure in that love. From love follows repentance, Godly, sorrowful, sincere repentance that forsakes its pride and status and humbly admits fault. From repentance follows forgiveness, keeping no record of wrongs, restoring those who fault you. And repeat. You can never exhaust these principles.

Turns out, Christian relationships are hard (who would have thought?). Wilson caveats. Hard, not impossible. And guess what? Your Lord goes before you. You cannot fail.

[Faith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full of biblical truths and wisdom.

[Felipe Sabino · Rating 5 out of 5]

O melhor livro sobre o assunto. Ponto.

[Kaitlyn Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is super good. Very practical and applicable no matter if you think you are free of all bitterness or not. I need to read it again.

[Darlene Nichols · Rating 3 out of 5]

The cover attracted me because it fit the description of bitterness so well. The definition and explanation of how bitterness shows itself was helpful. Overall the book felt unorganized and in need of editing. The letters of praise at the end of each chapter were gag worthy.

[Brandon Johnston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book kicked my butt and put on display the root of bitterness that has been present for far too long. Wilson does a wonderful job of displaying what Scripture says to the matter of the heart and calls for Christian’s to seek obedience towards Christ in repentance and confession. I genuinely think this book my be one of those “game changers” for a Christian as they seek maturity in Christ.

Go buy it. Read it. Do the work to apply it.

[Ada Tarcau · Rating 5 out of 5]

Second Read: I found it even more powerful. It is forever practical, slapping any excuse in the face, I would probably reread periodically some of the chapters, can’t hear the truth about bitterness, taking offense and forgiveness often enough.

First review: Very powerful and to the point! Bold, frank, dismantling of excuses, purging, biblical through and through, leaves you with no alternative but the inescapable truth, also very practical. A message that should be revisited by all christians regularly.

[Jenni Harper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Just an incredible book! It’s biblical, convicting, and encouraging. The absolute best short book I think can exist on the topic of bitterness and other underlying sins.

[Liane Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars? Chapters 1-8 were all great exhortations that included lectures on bitterness, anger, forgiveness and relationships with parents. He had some interesting ideas on writing to your parents as a way to convey honor to them and simultaneously do heart work (assessing and confessing). I’m not so sure about ch 9: saturation love. The concept is great - as Christians we have access to unending love through Christ so we should love others as we have been loved even when it feels like we have nothing left to give. His application with parenting and the examples he used seemed a little off.. I’m still mulling it over but can’t say I’d whole heartedly recommend that chapter. Take it with a heap of salt maybe and just hug your kids more? The rest of the book felt a little random but this book is a collection of essays / lectures so nothing too surprising there. Overall, worth a read (or listen) if you suspect that you struggle with bitterness, anger, forgiveness or feeling offended.

[Ben Wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book on Christian relationships. It is a very practical book. Definitely a must have for the book shelf!

[Raven Durbin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A lot about finding freedom of bitterness towards parents and other relationships!! Lots of good wisdom

[Niki Shirkman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book I didn’t know I need to read (listen to). Excellent. Short and to the point. Especially loved the chapters on Relationships with Parents, and Saturation Love

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

2022: This has become an annual read for me. Life offers so many opportunities to harbor bitterness towards others but as Christians, we must flee this temptation. This book is wonderfully helpful to that end.

2024: this is my third journey through this book. I love it so much. It has really changed my life.

[Will Dole · Rating 5 out of 5]

This may be the most spiritually beneficial book I read in 2022. Clear and direct teaching. The essays on relationships with parents and saturation love are worth the price of the book. The Q & A on becoming a Christian is beautiful in its wisdom.

I’m going to buy a case of these.

[Natalie Nimmers · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read 2020

Read again may 2023 - even more convicting the second time around. Highly recommend!

[Jessica Lyons · Rating 5 out of 5]

Taking the yearly stroll through this little book. It will always be more needed than I expect.

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a helpful, simple, yet very convicting book! A good reminder to search my heart for little bitterness roots regularly, and pluck them before they grow!

[Daniel Gish · Rating 5 out of 5]

(4.9/5) This is going to be, I hope, a detailed and helpful review. For the unsuspecting reader, this “book” is really a series of essays, most (but not all) of which are written by Jim Wilson. Additionally, I recommend reading a hardcopy of this book — and buy a new highlighter.

Chapters 1-6 are, in order: How to Be Free from Bitterness, Forgiving Others, Man’s Anger, Fits of Rage, Taking Offense and Bridling the Tongue. These writings themselves are worth the read and demand an outstanding review. These are really the reason I rate this so highly. Jim’s writing on what bitterness is, what it looks like, why and how to find roots of bitterness before they, like tree roots under sidewalks, cause many more stumbling blocks to arise. I’d like a hardcopy just to reference the many key principles in these chapters. Once I reread, I will add them to my review.

Chapters 7-9 are, in order: Introspection, Relationships with Parents, and Saturation Love. These… I’ll have to think about. They did not resonate, but did challenge me. I’m not sure what I think entirely of them but I (currently) have critiques of them all:
1. Introspection is deemed by Jim a worldly and conceited term. And while it certainly can be, I suppose I’m skeptical because of how important “self-awareness” has been in my own life, and to be self-aware one must practice (some kind of) introspection.
2. Relationships with Parents are given by Jim one allowable status, and, I’m not sure how I feel about it. Particularly, he states that parents have authority over their kids in a way that implies no timeframe — that even children become adults ought to submit to the 𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙮 of their parents. Albeit no child earns the right to dishonor their parents, this could’ve used a deeper dive into what that truly means and looks like.
3. Saturation Love is certainly an interesting concept and, I think, applies only part of the time. Jim did not put limits on this (that I recall), and I think there must be — or, at least, it must be made very clear that the ways be think we should be loving aren’t always the right or Godly ways to love. In other words Saturation Love works with the right definition of Love, but could be disastrous with the wrong definitions of Love (and we all have those in certain areas).

Chapters 10-13 are, in order: How Does a Woman Become Secure?, The Responsible Man, Letters: Questions and Answers, and The Gospel. These were similarly well-written as chapters 1-6, with chapter 12 (a series of letters between Jim and Vicky) standing out as a remarkably helpful and challenging correspondence for those of us who can’t stop “trying”.

In the end, read this book, take notes, and be challenged. Be free from bitterness.

[Elexis Foster · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wanted to throw the book away after chapter one because of how convicting it was. I was shocked at some of the things he said — one being “What I am suggesting is that the offended toughen up.” Ummmm hahaha okayyyy??? It’s a no fluff, call you out, very practical book. It’s not a feel good book by any means but it will challenge you to obey the Lord and that’s worth it.

[India · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every Christian should read this — oh how improved would the Church be —, this book is truly a gift! In addition to sharing biblical wisdom, the author gives a lot of practical advice that you can apply to many different situations. My favorite quote of the book, by Amy Carmichael: "For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted."

[James Nash · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this collection of essays, Jim Wilson (and a couple of others) address a variety of sins that are extremely common to mankind: bitterness, anger, lack of love, irresponsibility, etc. Some areas could use a touch more nuance, but this is a book that is intentionally very simple and direct, so I don't think that it detracts from the main points. The key to keep in mind is that he's not saying everything that there is to say about a subject - he's intending to point you towards your own sin and need for repentance in each of these areas, irrespective of the actions of others.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was the best sermon collection I read through this year.
The preacher makes everything simple but they divide your soul with the sword of the Spirit (the Word of God).
Even the appendix letter collection was exceptional.

He makes such a great and simple argument for the only way out of destructive sinful lifestyle choices is repentance and faith in Christ. The way he lays it out is simple enough for anyone who is handed this book to follow after reading it alone.

[Jordan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great little booklet that can be found free online. Contains very practical advice for dealing with people that have wronged you (or if you've wronged them), and relationships between the sexes and between parents and children. Will help you dig up the "root of bitterness".

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is quite amazing!

The first half is about dealing with bitterness, the second was about parenting & family.

I found the explanation on how to deal with bitterness incredibly helpful. The author has a wonderful & gifted way of explaining how believers can identify bitterness in our own lives & how to biblically root it out.

The counsel for families & parenting is wise & insightful.

This little books needs to be more widely shared in the Church!

Highly recommend it.

[Brenda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short but lots of great content. Straightforward in the most convicting way.