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How To Control Your Anxiety Before It Controls You
Learn to manage your anxiety with this classic self-help book from a respected pioneer of psychotherapy. From social anxiety to phobias to post-traumatic stress disorder, sources of anxiety in daily life are numerous, and can have a powerful impact on your future. By following the rules of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), created by world renowned therapist Dr. Albert Ellis, you can stop anxiety in its tracks if you will admit this important Things and people do not make you anxious. You do. Your unrealistic expectations produce your needless anxiety. Yet not all anxiety is needless . . .Healthy anxiety can ward off dangers and make you aware of negative things that you can change. Unhealthy anxiety inhibits you from enjoying everyday activities and relationships, causes you to perform poorly, and blocks your creativity. Using the easy-to-master, proven precepts of REBT, this classic book not only helps you distinguish between healthy and unhealthy anxiety, but teaches you how • Understand and dispute the irrational beliefs that make you anxious
• Use a variety of exercises, including rational coping self-statements, reframing, problem-solving methods, and Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA), to control your anxiety
• Apply over two hundred maxims to control your anxious thinking as well as your bodily reactions to anxiety . . . and much more, including examples from dozens of cases Dr. Ellis treated successfully. Now you can overcome the crippling effects of anxiety—and increase your prospects for success, pleasure, and happiness at home and in the workplace.“No individual—not even Freud himself—has had a greater impact on modern psychotherapy.” —Psychology Today
• Use a variety of exercises, including rational coping self-statements, reframing, problem-solving methods, and Unconditional Self-Acceptance (USA), to control your anxiety
• Apply over two hundred maxims to control your anxious thinking as well as your bodily reactions to anxiety . . . and much more, including examples from dozens of cases Dr. Ellis treated successfully. Now you can overcome the crippling effects of anxiety—and increase your prospects for success, pleasure, and happiness at home and in the workplace.“No individual—not even Freud himself—has had a greater impact on modern psychotherapy.” —Psychology Today
260 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 28, 2016
320 people are currently reading
1724 people want to read
About the author
Albert Ellis
250 books440 followersAlbert Ellis was an American psychologist who in 1955 developed Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). He held M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in clinical psychology from Columbia University and American Board of Professional Psychology (ABPP). He also founded and was the President of the New York City-based Albert Ellis Institute for decades.
He is generally considered to be one of the originators of the cognitive revolutionary paradigm shift in psychotherapy and the founder of cognitive-behavioral therapies. Based on a 1982 professional survey of USA and Canadian psychologists, he was considered as the second most influential psychotherapist in history (Carl Rogers ranked first in the survey; Sigmund Freud was ranked third).
He is generally considered to be one of the originators of the cognitive revolutionary paradigm shift in psychotherapy and the founder of cognitive-behavioral therapies. Based on a 1982 professional survey of USA and Canadian psychologists, he was considered as the second most influential psychotherapist in history (Carl Rogers ranked first in the survey; Sigmund Freud was ranked third).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews
March 9, 2021
Some of the things in this book are already being taught by my psychiatrist.
It's nice to also hear other ways to cope with it and handle it by rationalizing things, which this book tells you to do.
It's nice to also hear other ways to cope with it and handle it by rationalizing things, which this book tells you to do.
June 22, 2011
This book is a very useful how-to for people who suffers general anxiety disorder and light depression because of it, to be more precise it is a "lifting" book for those thinking the world is going to end very soon, or NOW. The book gives very nice hints and how-toes for self help during emotion downs and nothingness, when anxiety comes over or even panic attacks. This book was a great lifter for me during my bad periods and helped me a lot.
August 3, 2013
I love Albert Ellis and his pragmatic, albeit removed, approach to recovery. Ellis may not possess the warmth of Carl Rogers, but his advice is practical, uncomplicated, and has the potential to be very effective.
The humourous tone is refreshing, but may not be helpful for people who are in a particularly dark frame of mind. Furthermore, the exposure exercises may be daunting for some; readers hoping to improve their anxiety must be diligent and strongly motivated.
The humourous tone is refreshing, but may not be helpful for people who are in a particularly dark frame of mind. Furthermore, the exposure exercises may be daunting for some; readers hoping to improve their anxiety must be diligent and strongly motivated.
October 6, 2018
Anyone struggling with social anxiety should definitely try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). My understanding is that the author of this book created another, similar system called Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). This book will give you some insight into how and why he created it, and how much credit he gives himself for it. But if you're looking for a step-by-step guide to combating your social anxiety, like I was, you should try "The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook" by Anthony and Swinson instead.
To be fair, this book did have a story about a man who overcame his fear of riding the train by using this therapy that was so inspiring to me that I printed it out and added it to my anxiety binder.
To be fair, this book did have a story about a man who overcame his fear of riding the train by using this therapy that was so inspiring to me that I printed it out and added it to my anxiety binder.
October 18, 2019
The first few pages felt as if I was the one who wrote them. Albert Ellis did a great job describing what anxiety is and lets the reader know that he is someone who knows what he is talking about. He is concise and gives a piece of advice that doesn't feel like some motivational gibberish. The methods he talks about are, in the most part, rational and truly makes you think they work. Yes, I would recommend this book to anyone who suffers from anxiety. I myself suffer social anxiety and this book helped me a lot.
January 22, 2022
This book has been extraordinarily helpful in getting my thought life under control. It has also led me to explore the Stoic philosophers on which many of the ideas are based. Basically, most of what we think makes us anxious are things outside of our control. Instead, we are anxious because of the way we think about things which are outside of our control. The book helps you change the way you think, which is really the only thing in life we have control over. I'm currently working through the Rational Maxims at the end of the book by writing each one on an index card and referring to it throughout the day. Since much of my anxiety seems to stem through anger at situations I can not control, I'm now working my way through his book on anger management. This has been the most helpful book on personal growth I've ever read and I will be returning to it often.
September 21, 2015
Its bad not to remember any thing about a psychological book after finishing it, right ._. !
March 17, 2019
listened to this on youtube and found it interesting
March 18, 2022
Albert Ellis founded Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT) which is the original form of the modern Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT). In this book he talks about how to use REBT techniques in order to control anxiety. These techniques including challenging Irrational Beliefts (IB), unconditional acceptance (both for oneself and for others), gradual exposure to anxiety-inducing situations and also a set of maxims.
January 1, 2024
Rekomenduoju visiems.
Paprasti KET patarimai, kaip mažiau nerimauti ;)
Paprasti KET patarimai, kaip mažiau nerimauti ;)
July 9, 2016
This book is difficult to follow and gives two main ways to control anxiety, namely: 1) change your thoughts and talk yourself into being less anxious, and 2) face your fears that make you anxious to get rid of anxiety. However, the book is very thorough and immensely researched, drawing from almost all important researchers on the topic of anxiety ever! It also provides many other perspectives on anxiety and little things and tricks to control anxiety in ordinary situations that could be put into practice, but with a lot of care and good control skills. One thing that put me off about this book was that the majority of real-life examples were taken from posh, wealthy, professionally successful Manhattan residents, and too little examples were taken from ordinary, middle class, struggling-to-pay-rent common people who face anxiety too, maybe on an even higher level. Anxiety caused by worrying about putting food on the table the next day does NOT compare to anxiety caused by public speaking in corporations or anxiety caused by sexual insatisfaction. Did anyone else feel in this book a little bit of upper-class privilege?
July 23, 2016
Very literal logical approach to getting over anxiety. Not much for physical anxiety. A lot seemed rather obvious, like very basic philosophy.
Read
January 22, 2019Curiosity from the early days of CBT. Not sure many modern therapists would advise you tackle your social anxiety by hitting on girls at the park.
April 4, 2019
very informative for those studying to become a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor etc. repetitive in some areas but when learning new information to apply to patients this could be useful.
January 19, 2022
The leverages to use are there, minus the physical ones. (fasting, carnivore, cold showers)
Will review from time to time as the methods are many and few have sunk in.
I dislike that the book does not project a brave, virtuous enough value system, as that is left as subjective for each to choose.
As for 'unconditional self acceptance' and avoiding intense painful feelings, don't think shame is something we need to avoid feeling except when it is needless, as it can spark the most significant penitence and change in ourselves.
In other words, evaluating ourselves or our current competencies or virtues globally does not in itself result in an unwanted/damaging emotional response.
Will review from time to time as the methods are many and few have sunk in.
I dislike that the book does not project a brave, virtuous enough value system, as that is left as subjective for each to choose.
As for 'unconditional self acceptance' and avoiding intense painful feelings, don't think shame is something we need to avoid feeling except when it is needless, as it can spark the most significant penitence and change in ourselves.
In other words, evaluating ourselves or our current competencies or virtues globally does not in itself result in an unwanted/damaging emotional response.
November 16, 2021
A very good technical book
February 10, 2022
This book helped me a lot with understanding of what anxiety is and how to get over it!
January 23, 2020
Me meto la REBT por el c**** y ha envejecido super bien (aunque las versiones actualizadas de psicología cognitiva son muy chetas). En fin, terapia.
February 2, 2019
An interesting and useful book on Albert Ellis' Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT), a precursor to the modern Cognitive Behavior Therapies (CBT) that are currently popular with people. Unlike Buddhist Mindfulness training, where one seeks to expunge thought from one's mind for a prolonged period of time, to enhance serenity and increase focus capacity, REBT, like CBT is designed to address neurotic and other relevant thoughts through a rational assessment of the notion, to minimize exaggerations and to catch mechanically negative behaviour/ideas and address them quickly before they impact ones well being.
Some of the use-cases were interesting, some comical, very few were tragic if any, so the class of issues that could be addressed by these techniques are mostly along the lines of "first world problem" issues around careers, petty social issues around validation, dating, sex etc., and irrational fears.
Ellis is considered one of the first practitioners in this field and is viewed as a father of CBT so it's a good first place to start if one is interested in learning more about those techniques. I questioned the ability for one to naturally impose rational thought to irrational beliefs, as often times it seems neurotics manifest these issues because they lack that internal rational-governor in the first place. But Ellis, spends a good deal of time discussing how one needs to take themselves out of the situation and become like a third person and view the case objectively in this frame. Though it seems to me that this would still require some previous meditation/mindfulness training to achieve any meaningful level so that RBT would sit on top of an existing meditation regiment. These are all conjecture though.
Overall interesting read, Ellis was criticized by the academy for lacking in both testable hypothesis and sufficient validation results for his claims, though I think the modern CBT is being validated in some part through FMRI and clinical studies. Not sure. Recommend both as a historical artifact and self-help
Some of the use-cases were interesting, some comical, very few were tragic if any, so the class of issues that could be addressed by these techniques are mostly along the lines of "first world problem" issues around careers, petty social issues around validation, dating, sex etc., and irrational fears.
Ellis is considered one of the first practitioners in this field and is viewed as a father of CBT so it's a good first place to start if one is interested in learning more about those techniques. I questioned the ability for one to naturally impose rational thought to irrational beliefs, as often times it seems neurotics manifest these issues because they lack that internal rational-governor in the first place. But Ellis, spends a good deal of time discussing how one needs to take themselves out of the situation and become like a third person and view the case objectively in this frame. Though it seems to me that this would still require some previous meditation/mindfulness training to achieve any meaningful level so that RBT would sit on top of an existing meditation regiment. These are all conjecture though.
Overall interesting read, Ellis was criticized by the academy for lacking in both testable hypothesis and sufficient validation results for his claims, though I think the modern CBT is being validated in some part through FMRI and clinical studies. Not sure. Recommend both as a historical artifact and self-help
January 21, 2011
I read this in preparation for leading a treatment group for overcoming anxiety. Anxiety gets me to over prepare. Adjusting my attitude and expectations by appreciating that Ellis's Rational Emotive Therapy was developed mid-20th century and is built with the biases of that era, I was able to remember how much I liked some of his ideas when modified and/or contextualized in a more postmodern view. Some of the ideas are very helpful to some people. On another note: I am also reminded how much I dislike "self-help books" that are also "help develop a market brand for my kind of therapy" books. The help the reader sometimes gets lost in the "consult a licensed mental health professional" who is also a "cognitive behavioral rational emotive therapist".
August 14, 2015
I'm glad Albert Ellis lived and did the work he did. His books sound good. The thing I always remember is that these authors are offering the reader something we want to believe. That is only a warning.
That doesn't make it snake oil. The message is that each of us believe nutty things because we are fallible humans. We can get better and change things in our lives with continuous work. This sounds to me like truth and not a gimmick.
The same is true of dieting and fitness. They only work if a person sticks with them. I would like to believe Ellis' teaching is true and that emotional and behavioral changes can be made if one is as dedicated to the practice of RET as to a diet or exercise regiment.
That doesn't make it snake oil. The message is that each of us believe nutty things because we are fallible humans. We can get better and change things in our lives with continuous work. This sounds to me like truth and not a gimmick.
The same is true of dieting and fitness. They only work if a person sticks with them. I would like to believe Ellis' teaching is true and that emotional and behavioral changes can be made if one is as dedicated to the practice of RET as to a diet or exercise regiment.
March 4, 2016
Wanted to read some Ellis and learn about Rational Emotive Behavior Theory. Pretty common sensical-- practical and helpful psychology.
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May 26, 2025**How to Control Your Anxiety: Before It Controls You** by Albert Ellis provides a comprehensive, user-friendly approach to understanding and managing anxiety using the principles of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT). The book guides readers through identifying the roots of their anxious feelings, challenging self-defeating beliefs, and adopting healthier, more rational ways of thinking and behaving.
Albert Ellis begins by demystifying anxiety, emphasizing that it is a normal part of life, but can become disruptive when it is intense, chronic, or disproportionate to the situation. He reassures readers that anxiety is not a sign of weakness or a fixed part of one’s personality, but rather a learned response that can be unlearned with the right tools.
At the core of the book is the **REBT framework**, which asserts that it is not events themselves that cause anxiety, but rather our interpretations and beliefs about those events. Ellis explains that irrational beliefs—such as “I must never fail,” “I need everyone’s approval,” or “It would be unbearable if things go wrong”—fuel and intensify anxious responses.
The book offers a step-by-step process for regaining control over anxiety:
1. **Recognizing and Accepting Anxiety:**
The first step is to become aware of anxious feelings and accept them without self-judgment. Ellis encourages readers to observe their thoughts and emotions objectively, understanding that anxiety is a common and manageable human experience.
2. **Identifying Triggers and Irrational Beliefs:**
Readers learn to pinpoint situations that provoke anxiety and uncover the underlying irrational thoughts or demands that amplify their distress.
3. **Challenging and Replacing Irrational Beliefs:**
Using REBT techniques, Ellis teaches how to question the validity of anxious thoughts and replace them with more balanced, flexible, and realistic beliefs. This involves practicing self-talk that is logical, evidence-based, and self-compassionate.
4. **Developing Coping Strategies:**
The book provides practical tools for reducing anxiety in the moment, such as relaxation exercises, mindfulness, gradual exposure to feared situations, and assertiveness training. Ellis stresses that action, rather than avoidance, is key to overcoming anxiety.
5. **Building Long-Term Resilience:**
Ellis advocates for ongoing self-reflection, persistence, and practice to make rational thinking a habit. He discusses how setbacks are a normal part of growth and encourages readers to maintain a non-perfectionistic, patient attitude toward progress.
Throughout the book, Ellis uses relatable examples, exercises, and self-assessment tools to make the process accessible. He addresses a wide range of anxiety triggers—from social situations and work stress to health concerns and major life changes—offering specific advice for each.
The book’s message is empowering and practical: while anxiety may be an inevitable part of life, it does not have to control your actions or dictate your happiness. By learning to challenge unhelpful beliefs and adopt healthier thinking patterns, anyone can significantly reduce their anxiety and improve their quality of life.
Albert Ellis begins by demystifying anxiety, emphasizing that it is a normal part of life, but can become disruptive when it is intense, chronic, or disproportionate to the situation. He reassures readers that anxiety is not a sign of weakness or a fixed part of one’s personality, but rather a learned response that can be unlearned with the right tools.
At the core of the book is the **REBT framework**, which asserts that it is not events themselves that cause anxiety, but rather our interpretations and beliefs about those events. Ellis explains that irrational beliefs—such as “I must never fail,” “I need everyone’s approval,” or “It would be unbearable if things go wrong”—fuel and intensify anxious responses.
The book offers a step-by-step process for regaining control over anxiety:
1. **Recognizing and Accepting Anxiety:**
The first step is to become aware of anxious feelings and accept them without self-judgment. Ellis encourages readers to observe their thoughts and emotions objectively, understanding that anxiety is a common and manageable human experience.
2. **Identifying Triggers and Irrational Beliefs:**
Readers learn to pinpoint situations that provoke anxiety and uncover the underlying irrational thoughts or demands that amplify their distress.
3. **Challenging and Replacing Irrational Beliefs:**
Using REBT techniques, Ellis teaches how to question the validity of anxious thoughts and replace them with more balanced, flexible, and realistic beliefs. This involves practicing self-talk that is logical, evidence-based, and self-compassionate.
4. **Developing Coping Strategies:**
The book provides practical tools for reducing anxiety in the moment, such as relaxation exercises, mindfulness, gradual exposure to feared situations, and assertiveness training. Ellis stresses that action, rather than avoidance, is key to overcoming anxiety.
5. **Building Long-Term Resilience:**
Ellis advocates for ongoing self-reflection, persistence, and practice to make rational thinking a habit. He discusses how setbacks are a normal part of growth and encourages readers to maintain a non-perfectionistic, patient attitude toward progress.
Throughout the book, Ellis uses relatable examples, exercises, and self-assessment tools to make the process accessible. He addresses a wide range of anxiety triggers—from social situations and work stress to health concerns and major life changes—offering specific advice for each.
The book’s message is empowering and practical: while anxiety may be an inevitable part of life, it does not have to control your actions or dictate your happiness. By learning to challenge unhelpful beliefs and adopt healthier thinking patterns, anyone can significantly reduce their anxiety and improve their quality of life.
April 26, 2023
I was learning anxiety techniques from Judson Brewer, specifically this stuff Unwinding Anxiety. It was pretty good, but I felt like it was better suited for addiction. He applies the lessons he learned from addiction to breaking the worry cycle (and the stuff you do when you worry like negative distractions). But at no point ever does Brewer mention the causes of anxiety (or addiction for that matter).
This book is a different manner. Ellis really wants you to directly tackle the causes of anxiety. If you get anxious thinking about snakes, Ellis wants you to go bathe in a pool full of snakes! (Okay, perhaps not that extreme - but you get the point).
Anyways, I wish I had been reading this stuff and not the Brewer stuff. I was learning some great techniques from Brewer, stuff I'll use in the future, but most of my anxiety is stuff I think is better solved by staring it square in the eyes so to speak.
Brewer says "anxiety lives in a part of the brain that resists rational thought". Ellis recognizes that but chooses to tackle the issue in three ways "Cognitive" that is rational thought, "Emotive" and "Behavioural".
Anyways, I think overall the approach Ellis takes works better for me. Although I think Brewer's is better for perhaps Generalized Anxiety Disorder, anxiety that you can't simply spreadsheet out solutions for or practically experience (like a fear of public speaking, talking to strangers, riding elevators, etc).
This book is a different manner. Ellis really wants you to directly tackle the causes of anxiety. If you get anxious thinking about snakes, Ellis wants you to go bathe in a pool full of snakes! (Okay, perhaps not that extreme - but you get the point).
Anyways, I wish I had been reading this stuff and not the Brewer stuff. I was learning some great techniques from Brewer, stuff I'll use in the future, but most of my anxiety is stuff I think is better solved by staring it square in the eyes so to speak.
Brewer says "anxiety lives in a part of the brain that resists rational thought". Ellis recognizes that but chooses to tackle the issue in three ways "Cognitive" that is rational thought, "Emotive" and "Behavioural".
Anyways, I think overall the approach Ellis takes works better for me. Although I think Brewer's is better for perhaps Generalized Anxiety Disorder, anxiety that you can't simply spreadsheet out solutions for or practically experience (like a fear of public speaking, talking to strangers, riding elevators, etc).
August 6, 2024
Great book but kinda repetitive.
Tldr:
The ABCDE model: Activating event-> Belief about event -> emotional Consequence (anxiety) -> Disputing irrational beliefs-> Effective new belief to replace the irrational one.
Most of the anxiety happens at the B(belief) level due to an irrational belief. Irrational beliefs involve shoulds/musts/absolutes towards either the self, others, or the external environment.
Put into practice (anxiety towards the self and environment):
A: Upcoming interviews
B: I MUST preform at my best level
C: fear of screwing up
D: Its fine if ones screw up a bit as its impossible to not sometimes and usually not the end of the world
E: Its fine if I wasn’t able to answer all questions. You cant know them all prior it, but at least i tried my best. Not something within my control etc…
Tldr:
The ABCDE model: Activating event-> Belief about event -> emotional Consequence (anxiety) -> Disputing irrational beliefs-> Effective new belief to replace the irrational one.
Most of the anxiety happens at the B(belief) level due to an irrational belief. Irrational beliefs involve shoulds/musts/absolutes towards either the self, others, or the external environment.
Put into practice (anxiety towards the self and environment):
A: Upcoming interviews
B: I MUST preform at my best level
C: fear of screwing up
D: Its fine if ones screw up a bit as its impossible to not sometimes and usually not the end of the world
E: Its fine if I wasn’t able to answer all questions. You cant know them all prior it, but at least i tried my best. Not something within my control etc…
September 7, 2023
本書的重點不在教人逃避情緒，而是藉由分析自己的情緒來避免因不滿而立即產生的憤怒情緒，書中可以學到心理學者是如何面對負面情緒與所提出的解決方法，不過不知道是不是翻譯的問題，作者似乎蠻喜歡把“想不想”當成一個做事的標準，可是做事不是應該把“該不該”或“對不對”放在更前面一點的順位嗎？
1．了解憤怒的代價：破壞親密的人際關係、破壞工作的人際關係、並不能解決問題、可能會引發暴力行為、憤怒會較大機會引發心血管疾病、憤怒會帶來精神上痛苦與壓力
2．錯誤的解決方式：通過發洩來解決、通過逃避來解決、憤怒不會讓自己如願、怪罪童年成長過程、怪罪外人或環境
3．理性療法理論：分析憤怒的情緒、分析造成情緒的起因、思考兩者是否是有百分百的直接關連，換句話說，人生中遭遇到不平或不公不義，是否一定必會得出需要憤怒或動氣的結果？答案可能不一定，因為憤怒有一定程度自己本身設想的結果
4．用失望遺憾來取代憤怒情緒，畢竟對別人“不良動機”的猜疑很可能只是自己的“以為”或過往經驗的以偏代全而已
5．避免“以為”的方式：別把人性想得太糟糕、別低估自己解決問題的能力、別太執著世界就應該是公平正義的
6．挑戰自己的“以為”邏輯，畢竟自以為是為非理性，非理性的邏輯很難有太多的說服力
7．就算可能會有憤怒的情緒出現，也不該因害怕衝窮而逃避不溝通，應該把解決這種情況當成練習自己解決問題的好機會
8．練習面對挑戰的方式：冒被拒絕的風險、冒拒絕他人的風險、冒跳出舒適圈的風險、不要害怕面對失敗或糗事、冷靜地堅持自己的權利、不要害怕對抗惡勢力
9．誠實與對方表達自己的失望與困難
10．練習自己面對挫折與不順的容忍力
1．了解憤怒的代價：破壞親密的人際關係、破壞工作的人際關係、並不能解決問題、可能會引發暴力行為、憤怒會較大機會引發心血管疾病、憤怒會帶來精神上痛苦與壓力
2．錯誤的解決方式：通過發洩來解決、通過逃避來解決、憤怒不會讓自己如願、怪罪童年成長過程、怪罪外人或環境
3．理性療法理論：分析憤怒的情緒、分析造成情緒的起因、思考兩者是否是有百分百的直接關連，換句話說，人生中遭遇到不平或不公不義，是否一定必會得出需要憤怒或動氣的結果？答案可能不一定，因為憤怒有一定程度自己本身設想的結果
4．用失望遺憾來取代憤怒情緒，畢竟對別人“不良動機”的猜疑很可能只是自己的“以為”或過往經驗的以偏代全而已
5．避免“以為”的方式：別把人性想得太糟糕、別低估自己解決問題的能力、別太執著世界就應該是公平正義的
6．挑戰自己的“以為”邏輯，畢竟自以為是為非理性，非理性的邏輯很難有太多的說服力
7．就算可能會有憤怒的情緒出現，也不該因害怕衝窮而逃避不溝通，應該把解決這種情況當成練習自己解決問題的好機會
8．練習面對挑戰的方式：冒被拒絕的風險、冒拒絕他人的風險、冒跳出舒適圈的風險、不要害怕面對失敗或糗事、冷靜地堅持自己的權利、不要害怕對抗惡勢力
9．誠實與對方表達自己的失望與困難
10．練習自己面對挫折與不順的容忍力
November 6, 2021
Actual rating: 3.5/5
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This was quite informative and useful. I learnt quite a bit. I mostly think that people who lack foundations regarding this topic will have a general overview when reading this one. However, it surely won't be life changing. There are some techniques and stuff shared, but I'm not sure that they would be applicable for everyone.
Moreover, the author shared different situations and stories to make readers understand what he means without going deep into complex psychological terminologies.
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This was quite informative and useful. I learnt quite a bit. I mostly think that people who lack foundations regarding this topic will have a general overview when reading this one. However, it surely won't be life changing. There are some techniques and stuff shared, but I'm not sure that they would be applicable for everyone.
Moreover, the author shared different situations and stories to make readers understand what he means without going deep into complex psychological terminologies.
February 25, 2021
It's generally known that, around 30 or so, every self respecting person has a drawer filled with plastic bags and some form of anxiety, none of which can be easily discarded.
Don't believe me? Go and clean that drawer dry. If, in case of the plastic bags, you might identify one or two with a particularly significant model and end up with keeping more than half, anxiety can be a bit easier to deal with.
REBT aims to catch you red handed while you think/act anxious and create the necessary space to let you slowly modify your belief system.
In a nutshell, the process might go from this
Activating event – You have an important presentation at work and it will be watched by upper management
Belief – “I must not screw this up. Any mistake will be harshly judged and criticized. My promotion or even my job might depend on it!"
Consequence – You feel anxious and panicked. So much so, that even the thought of rehearsal makes your palms sweat. This way, you create a self fulfilling prophecy.
to this (if you had a different belief):
Activating event – You have an important presentation at work and it will be watched by upper management
Belief – "I'm a man they can count on and they have high expectations. If I make a fool out of myself it could be disappointing. Upper management might follow up with more questions. I prefer I could convey my ideas well on the first try. And if I impress, who knows what other good things might come out of it?"
Consequence – You feel more eager to rehearse, which brings you to a better position to perform. Even more, if you choke live, your more relaxed attitude will help you think and face the situation.
The beliefs that end up in negative emotions are, according to Albert Ellis, a variation of three common irrational beliefs. Coined as the “Three Basic Musts,” these three common irrational beliefs are based on a demand – about ourselves, others, or the environment.
They are:
• I must do well and win others’ approval or else I am no good.
• Others must treat me fairly and kindly and in the same way I want them to treat me. If they do not treat me this way, they are not good people and deserve to be punished.
• I must always get what I want, when I want it. Likewise, I must never get what I don’t want. If I don’t get what I want, I’m miserable.
The book itself is quite repetitive but I see this as a win.
How do you acquire a belief? By repeating over and over the same thing until it permeates your subconscious mind. And this is what you should do: read the book and practice over and over and over, until one day that triggering event doesn't make your palms sweat.
Good luck and tons of patience!
Don't believe me? Go and clean that drawer dry. If, in case of the plastic bags, you might identify one or two with a particularly significant model and end up with keeping more than half, anxiety can be a bit easier to deal with.
REBT aims to catch you red handed while you think/act anxious and create the necessary space to let you slowly modify your belief system.
In a nutshell, the process might go from this
Activating event – You have an important presentation at work and it will be watched by upper management
Belief – “I must not screw this up. Any mistake will be harshly judged and criticized. My promotion or even my job might depend on it!"
Consequence – You feel anxious and panicked. So much so, that even the thought of rehearsal makes your palms sweat. This way, you create a self fulfilling prophecy.
to this (if you had a different belief):
Activating event – You have an important presentation at work and it will be watched by upper management
Belief – "I'm a man they can count on and they have high expectations. If I make a fool out of myself it could be disappointing. Upper management might follow up with more questions. I prefer I could convey my ideas well on the first try. And if I impress, who knows what other good things might come out of it?"
Consequence – You feel more eager to rehearse, which brings you to a better position to perform. Even more, if you choke live, your more relaxed attitude will help you think and face the situation.
The beliefs that end up in negative emotions are, according to Albert Ellis, a variation of three common irrational beliefs. Coined as the “Three Basic Musts,” these three common irrational beliefs are based on a demand – about ourselves, others, or the environment.
They are:
• I must do well and win others’ approval or else I am no good.
• Others must treat me fairly and kindly and in the same way I want them to treat me. If they do not treat me this way, they are not good people and deserve to be punished.
• I must always get what I want, when I want it. Likewise, I must never get what I don’t want. If I don’t get what I want, I’m miserable.
The book itself is quite repetitive but I see this as a win.
How do you acquire a belief? By repeating over and over the same thing until it permeates your subconscious mind. And this is what you should do: read the book and practice over and over and over, until one day that triggering event doesn't make your palms sweat.
Good luck and tons of patience!
March 1, 2021
Ne pati geriausia ir tobuliausia psichoterapinė knyga, bet, vis gi, viena iš geresnių.
Ganėtinai aktuali šio laikotarpio sunkumų įveikimui, kai auga nerimą kenčiančių asmenų skaičius.
Asmeninės pamokos: atrastas aiškus skirtumas tarp racionalių ir iracionalių minčių/veiksmų ir, neabejotinai, iracionalių minčių disputavimas. Šiuos įgūdžius tikrai auginsiu ir toliau, bei skatinsiu jų vystymąsi savyje.
Ganėtinai aktuali šio laikotarpio sunkumų įveikimui, kai auga nerimą kenčiančių asmenų skaičius.
Asmeninės pamokos: atrastas aiškus skirtumas tarp racionalių ir iracionalių minčių/veiksmų ir, neabejotinai, iracionalių minčių disputavimas. Šiuos įgūdžius tikrai auginsiu ir toliau, bei skatinsiu jų vystymąsi savyje.
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