They May Not Mean To, But They Do

by Cathleen Schine

Bergman family, father dies, adult children cope, elderly mother starts new romance.

Genres: Fiction, Book Club, Humor, Contemporary, Audiobook, Family, Adult Fiction

290 pages, Hardcover

First published June 7, 2016

About the author

Cathleen Schine is the author of The New Yorkers, The Love Letter, and The Three Weissmanns of Westport among other novels. She has contributed to The New Yorker, The New York Review of Books, The New York Times Magazine, and The New York Times Book Review.

Reviews

[Larry H · Rating 3 out of 5]

The challenges, frustrations, and fears associated with aging parents and how to care for them (even when they're not interested in being cared for) are issues that many have dealt with or will struggle with in their lifetime. Is our way always the right way? Do we heed our parents' wishes even if we don't think they're in their best interests, or that they even understand their wishes? How can we balance our feelings with what they're feeling?

In Cathleen Schine's new novel, They May Not Mean To, But They Do , 84-year-old Joy Bergman loves her husband Aaron so much that she alone is caring for him as he deals with dementia and the aftereffects of bowel cancer. She still works full-time at a small museum in New York City, even though the new technology befuddles her, and she's exhausted more often than not. But she cannot fathom putting Aaron in a nursing home or assisted living facility (they're riddled with disease), hiring someone to help her care for him (too many strangers), or slowing down her own life (what would she do then?).

Joy's decisions concern and frustrate her two children, Molly and Daniel. While Molly lives in California with her wife, Daniel lives with his wife and children in New York, and both can't seem to understand why their mother won't make it easier on herself. They love their father and are saddened watching his decline, but they also want their mother to take care of herself, yet she refuses their help and advice at every turn, although she's not above throwing some Jewish guilt into the mix every now and again.

An unexpected health crisis for Joy, followed by Aaron's death, leaves her both more vulnerable and more resolute in her decision to "age in place." She isn't interested in making new friends, developing hobbies, moving out of their apartment into an assisted living facility, or discussing her finances with her children, despite their continued individual and collective pleas. And when Karl, a man she dated before she married Aaron, re-enters her life, she is both giddy with the possibility of not being alone, and frightened by what any step toward a relationship could mean. Needless to say, her children want her to have nothing to do with Karl—and aren't above throwing a little guilt of their own at their mother.

"The Bergmans against the world. There was no room for an outsider. The emptiness left by Aaron's death was not a space to be filled; it was a bond to be protected."

They May Not Mean To, But They Do explores the emotions, the roadblocks, and the fears that everyone deals with when parents get older and their physical and mental well-being becomes shakier. Schine does a good job not to take sides in the conflicts between Joy and her children, and explores how those on the sidelines—spouses, grandchildren, friends—have an even tighter road to navigate, supporting their loved ones but deciding where to voice their own opinions. While this is a moving topic, Schine tells her story with humor and imbues all of her characters with flaws, so no one appears to be the "winner" in this debate.

I thought the book was well-written but it never really reached the heights I expected it to. While I certainly understand all of the characters' emotions and actions, Joy, Molly, and Daniel are all fairly unappealing, and there were times I wanted to shake each of them because their passive-aggressive behavior, their denial, and their guilt was just too much. Some of the plot was a little too formulaic for me. But while this book didn't engage me as much as I hoped it would, I know others have loved it, so perhaps those closer (or further away) from the central themes of the book may enjoy it more. Schine's storytelling is always a joy to behold, however.

See all of my reviews at http://itseithersadnessoreuphoria.blo....

[Melody · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a little bemused by the blurbs calling this book hilarious. It was for me rather a series of punches in the gut, calling out little ways I'd deceived myself, lies I told, hurts I husbanded. We read a lot of stories about how it feels to have to deal with one's aging parents, and very few stories that even pretend to give us the parents' viewpoints on same. I thrust this book away with vehemence multiple times, gasping for breath. I always picked it back up again. Well done, but be warned.

[Darlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED this book! I was a fan of 'Fin & Lady' written by Cathleen Schine… the story had a marvelous bohemian feel. 'They May Not Mean To, But they Do' was a story I could very much relate to. It seems that many novels I have been reading in the past few years have centered around characters who are typically in their 30s. I find it difficult to relate to challenges facing 30-something women as I am a couple of decades past that stage in my life. In this story, I oddly found myself (oddly for ME, that is), being able to relate to both sides of this generational family saga. I suppose I'm considered part of what is referred to as the 'sandwich generation'. I am in the generation between an older generation… my mother is in her 70s and a younger generation… my 3 children are young adults ranging in age from 20 to 27. I sometimes find myself baffled by things my mother says, an opinion she holds or something she wishes to do that seems illogical or impractical. At the same time, I notice my children looking at me as if I have dropped 10 IQ points for every year I am past the age of 50.

'They May Not Mean To, But They Do' centers around the Bergman family. Joy and Aaron Bergman live in New York City. Joy is 86 years old and is still working her job as a curator of a museum… she and Aaron need the money. Aaron is suffering from dementia and has recently recovered from cancer surgery. Each day, Joy rushes home during her lunch break to check on Aaron and each night she is solely responsible for feeding him and getting him settled into bed for the night. Aaron's dementia has been getting increasingly worse… each night he re-discovers his colostomy bag (inserted after his cancer surgery) and becoming irritated with it, he pulls it out… leaving Joy to clean him and the bed before once again situating him for the night. Joy is becoming more and more exhausted and stressed.

Aaron and Joy have two children… Molly and Daniel. Molly lives with her wife in California and Daniel is married with two daughters and lives close enough that he can check on his parents.. although he doesn't as much as he could. The two 'children' try to cajole Joy into hiring someone to help with Aaron's care or to place him in a nursing facility but Joy stubbornly refuses. After all, she points out, what sort of wife would she be if she did not care for her husband? What kind of person?

Ultimately, Joy's sense of duty to her husband needs to be placed after her own health concerns. Joy suffers a medical emergency of her own and the decisions are taken out of her hands. The couple finally gets some much needed assistance; but Aaron's health continues to decline. Finally, after years of poor health, Aaron dies. And this is the point in which Joy's crisis and her eventual discovery of the possibilities which exist for her life really begin.

Joy had been married to Aaron for much of her life and after his death, her grief and loneliness overwhelmed her. Slowly… day by day… she began to develop an interest in life… having lunches and exchanging phone calls with old sorority sisters from college and reconnecting with an old love. And as Joy's interest in and hope for her life resumed, it was her children that could not or would not accept that she was carrying on. And to me, therein lies the family conflict which occurs throughout this novel. It was Cathleen Schine's ability to illustrate these common familial truths that I found so compelling. The Bergman family's conflicts demonstrate what I have also spent time thinking and wondering about… why is it that no matter how old we become, as long as our parents are alive, we remain their children and that parent/child dynamic really doesn't change? As in the story, it seems as if there is a lifelong power struggle between parents and children. And eventually, what ends up causing a crisis is when the roles between parents and children change and become reversed.

With 'They May Not Mean To, But They Do', Cathleen Schine has created believable and sympathetic characters with the Bergman family. The story has funny moments and sad moments and it inspired me to ponder the dynamics of my own family and how each member of my family relates to each other. The story encouraged me to also think of what growing older means to me and how it might change my relationships with my children. Most of all, I think this book encouraged me to step back and consider something I haven't really thought much about in the past.. that my parents are not JUST parents but are PEOPLE… people who have had dreams and goals, who fell in love and who have had a life which is separate from their lives as parents.
This is a wonderful and thoughtful book and I highly recommend it!

[Kerrin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have been wanting to read a good humorous novel for a while. Here is the description of They May Not Mean To, But They Do by Cathleen Schine: " From one of America’s greatest comic novelists, a hilarious new novel about aging, family, loneliness, and love".

The description had me at hilarious. According to Webster's that means extremely funny. To me it also means Laugh Out Loud Funny. I have read about 33% of the book but I haven't even had a smirk or a chuckle. I can see places where the author was being "cute", but not hilarious. Apparently, I have a different sense of humor from many others. We are all unique in what we find funny.

The book is about the journey of trying to keep your dignity as you grow older. It is nice to hear the story from the viewpoint of the older woman. The book is also about the struggles of caregivers, and the guilt the children have when their parents become fragile. The characters are all likable and honorable... but they aren't funny.

So, I am giving up on the book and am off to find one that is a better fit for me.

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[Pam Gary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let me begin my thanking Cathleen Schine for writing a novel about an older woman. I don't know about other readers, but I find there is a definite publishing gap in fiction--ignoring the mature woman.
The life of Schine's character, Joy, is reflective of the lives of numerous aging women. Joy is 86, caring for an ill husband with no help and still working part-time in a museum (she has a Ph.D.) because they need the money. Her two grown children, a son and daughter, think they know what is best for her. They mean well, but they really don't know how she feels and why she does what she does. They don't get it.
Ms. Schine places Joy in many situations older women can directly relate to, including the rekindling of former love and possibly "shacking up" with an old boyfriend after the death of a spouse, to which her children, and his, are aghast.
This is both a sweet and sad story. It now has a special space on my bookself.

[Holly R W · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll never remember the title, but I will remember the book. It is about an 87 year old Jewish woman named Joy Bergman and her family. When the novel begins, Joy is living in NYC, still working as a conservationist in a small museum, and caring for her ill husband. He has both cancer and dementia. Don't ask me how she manages this - she's amazing. Her grown children (Molly and Daniel) love her and their dad and worry endlessly about both of them.

How can a novel with such heavy themes be funny? The author pulls this off handily and (I believe) is writing from her own experience. I found myself laughing after reading certain passages. My own parents are deceased now, but I remember going through many of the same struggles with them that Joy and her children experience. The children want to help, but sometimes come off as too bossy and just plain wrong.

The story has a lot of heart and truth in it. It is a pleasure reading about family members who love each other.

4.5 stars

Additional: I'm remembering my Dad today (2-19-24). Just like Joy in the book, he hated trendy restaurants with hard seats. His favorite restaurant was Bob Evans. Also, just like Joy, he kept his table full of newspapers and paperwork spread out in all directions. In the book, her daughter decided to organize her papers for her - Joy was not happy with this! Dad was not happy with me either, when I tried to straighten his medicine cabinet and throw away his empty or outdated pill containers. So many similarities here - the push pull of aged parents and well-meaning children.

[Diane Barnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Schine did a good job portraying both sides of aging parent issues faced by both the elderly and their well-meaning children. At my age though, a little too close for comfort and slightly depressing, despite the humor.

[Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

While there were moments of humor, this book was not "hilarious", as described. The story though, is poignant and a portrait of the issues faced by our elderly population.
Joy and Aaron live in a rent controlled apartment in NYC. Joy is the primary caretaker for Aaron. Aaron is suffering from dementia, and has a colostomy bag from a bout with cancer. She is still working part time and most of their meals come from the diner down the block. Their daughter Molly lives in California, and their son Daniel has young daughters to care for. Their grandson Ben, who lives in New Orleans, is trying to find his own path in life. Molly and Daniel want what's best for their parents, but really don't want to disrupt their own lives to take care of them. Joy does not want to leave their home, nor be a burden on her children. But when Aaron dies, Joy is left floundering and uncertain in her new role as a widow. How will the family cope?
Having been in the position of watching my parents decline and ultimately need assisted living, where they spent the final years of their lives, this novel really hit home for me. I was able to visit them daily, but felt the strain of juggling work, family and managing their care, along with the guilt of always wondering if you should be doing more. As portrayed in this story, it's the love and bond of family that will carry us through the trials and tribulations of life.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This novel deals with some very difficult family relationship topics in an extremely approachable and non-depressing way. You will very much appreciate this novel if you are old enough to have experienced any of the following: taking care of a terminally ill spouse; as an adult child, watching one or your parents take care of the other seriously ill parent; starting a new life after the death of a spouse; or as an adult child watching one parent deal with the surviving parent after the death of the other parent. The family in this novel consists of Joy, the mother/wife; Aaron, the terminally ill husband/father; Molly, the adult daughter who has moved to California; and Daniel, the son who has remained in New York but is busy with his own life and family. The story is told mostly from the perspectives of Joy and Molly.
As Joy takes care of Aaron, we see all her emotions – including love, sadness, aging and frustration. After Aaron’s death, we watch as Joy negotiates a new, challenging world, which evolves to a new significant other. From Molly’s POV, the reader experiences her attempts to manage her mother, both before and after her father’s death. We see her love for her mother and her desire to care for her mother competing with her need to live her own life and, of course, related guilt. These are all potentially tragic, depressing concepts and scenes, but they are depicted with such wonderful reality and humor that they are perceptive rather than depressing. I can relate very much to Molly and Daniel, and I found the novel to be a somewhat humorous, perceptive and practical description of some of life’s toughest moments and issues.

[Lisa (NY) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know how Schine did it, but she did. They May Not Mean To, But They Do manages to be light-hearted without trivializing the hardships of aging. In fact, I can't think of another novel that exposes the challenges of day to day life for an aging person, living alone, so clearly. And Schine does this, amazingly, with touches of humor. I became very attached to 86 year old Joy, and her children, who struggle to find a balance between neglect and interfering too much. An unexpectedly moving novel.

[Carrie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Halfway through the book, I still don't know, like, or care about any of the characters. With no plot to speak of and a very slow writing style, there's really nothing to recommend about this book. Unfinished.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Schine’s telling of this classic intergenerational story has its share of conflict, regret, nostalgia, devotion, and humor. We see 86-year-old Joy in her role as caregiver for Aaron, her husband with many ailments, including Alzheimer’s, and we see her as a lonely widow, struggling to maintain her independence while desperately wishing for the constant company of her children, Molly and Daniel, yet uncomfortable when she has it. Molly and Daniel have their own struggles; they fear Joy should no longer live on her own and press for changes, in her best interest (of course) — but there’s an undercurrent of also wanting what is most convenient for them.

I appreciated that we saw all the characters at their best and worst, when they were loving and giving and when they were annoying and selfish. Since I am at an age where I’ve been the dutiful adult child who knows best and am not quite yet the aging parent who resents interference but yearns for company, I was grateful to see both sides portrayed realistically and sympathetically. Contributing a very refreshing element to the family dynamics were Joy and Aaron’s three grandchildren.

A wonderful line from a Philip Larkin poem, part of which makes up the book title, appears at the novel’s start and then later surfaces slightly reframed by one character into one of life’s eternal truths. “They May Not Mean To, But They Do” compassionately explores this truth.

[Melissa Rochelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was very much looking forward to this one. I LOVED Fin & Lady so I had very high hopes, but about halfway I stalled out.

I think I prefer my dysfunctional families with more dysfunction. More than anything I think this is a look at aging over dysfunction and growing up when you should already be grown. The children are fiftyish (so not children) yet when it comes to parents I guess you are always a child even when you're 50?

So 3 stars because it was a good start, but no more than that because it really seemed to lose the plot about halfway through (or did it finally find the plot?).

[Cookie M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

"They May Not Mean To, But They Do."

It is true, you know, especially if you are raised in a Jewish or Catholic family. Your parents are going to, shall we say, " mess" up your head. The good news is you are going to do the same to theirs when they get old. It's just how it is, and the best of families just deal with it with love and a shrug of the shoulders. Because they're family.
They don't mean to.
I love Cathleen Schine. Her characters are realistic. I feel as if they could step out of the pages of this book and spend the day with me at my favorite museum. She writes about everyday life with just enough hummor to keep from being maudlin.
A joy to read.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book about aging parents and their adult children. Filled with challenges and heartache, as they navigate the changes that occur when the father passes. Loved the insight from the widowed mother paralleled with the childrens' perspectives.

[D.J. Lang · Rating 5 out of 5]

I give 5 stars to any book I have liked and have bought (or intend to buy) -- this is one of those books. No more caveats at the beginning -- you can find your own reasons for not liking the book (modern family, maybe?), but, first, from a literary standpoint, author Cathleen Schine knows how to write the "old-fashioned" way: seamless transitions in her use of omniscient point-of-view. None of this separate chapters for separate characters: Abner, Buffy, Caitlyn, Abener, Caitlyn, Buffy...ugh. And, while, here 9 days later I can't name all the characters by heart (except Molly who I kept thinking might be the author herself), if given a list of only the characters' names, I could tell you each of their book stories. During the reading of the book, I easily kept track of who they were. Fabulous writing. I don't get how this young author "gets it" for each of the ages of the characters in the book (from young Ruby to matriarch Joy), but she does which is why I would / will buy this book. It's comforting to know someone understands how I feel (even if it is an imaginary character; still, the author must have understood in order to write as she did), and it's a good reminder of what to embrace and not to embrace as I grow older. Since I happen to be reading at this time a book on loneliness, I picked up on comments made about loneliness: "There is a difference between solitude and loneliness, she bought, and wondered what it was" (147). The last quote I'll end with gives you a hint of the quality of Schine's writing: "Her mother was falling through the air of her life. Molly had tried hard to ignore it, but she could hear it in her mother's voice...She was sitting, staring at a cruel bit of silver embroidery while her mother floated helplessly in her loneliness, stunned and airborne, not even caught in her fall like the beetle..." (221-222). So maybe one spoiler for those who do not like to be left depressed (so don't read anymore if you don't want to know if the book ends well or not): ...................................... it ends well. :D

[Mo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Waffle, waffle, waffle…

• Joy is lonely, but when people are around her she finds them to be too loud.
• Her Upstate home is her “real” home, but suddenly she feels like she doesn’t belong there.
• She is too weak to lift a toothbrush, yet she can make it to work (and is insulted when she is let go).

>Insert the sound of my teeth gnashing.

And it would have been nice if there had been some type of plot… ANY type of plot. It was all pretty random - and then just ends.

However, the author knows how to turn a nice phrase.

Favorite quotes:

• “Cheerful children she said to herself. A blessing. She repeated it silently several times to chase away the other things she was thinking, which were, Shut the hell up, Stop it, Why must you be so noisy, You are not on the street, You are driving me crazy.”

• “She did not know the difference between carefree and careless in those days. She learned.”

• “She seemed to need them more than ever, which was gratifying, but she didn’t seem to need them too much, which was more gratifying still.”

[Hester · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. It made me laugh out loud more than once. Schine has a great ear for dialogue and her portrayals of the various generations ring true. Schine knows how and why family members get on each other's nerves, how they love, and how they mourn. Highly recommend.

[Colleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Joy is 86 years old, still working part-time because she needs the money, yet also caring for her ill husband. Her two grown children think they know how she should be managing her life and can’t understand her need to follow her own wishes. They, of course, feel without a doubt that they know what’s best for her.

I think the author did a wonderful job of showing how families deal with aging parents, illness, and death. Adult children often forget that their parents need to retain some of their independence, and the clash between generations can get pretty nasty (especially when mom might have a boyfriend!) However, there is a lot of love and humour, too, and this shines through in the book. I think my favourite relationship in the novel was that between Joy and her adult grandson, Ben. What a wonderful connection!

A few reviewers commented that the book lacked continuity and that the chapters sometimes seemed to just end and not flow smoothly into the next one. I had no issue with this. The story still unfolded in a chronological order and if sometimes there was a bit of a time leap or change of scene, that was fine.

3.5 stars, bumped up to 4 stars, for its subtle humour and realistic look at family relationships.

[Virginia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Now that (Molly) was older, she understood her mother. It was cold, that was why the heat in the apartment was turned up so high. Her mother’s ceaseless talking was an activity, a way for her to be alive. As for living in the past, the past was all that was real.

This is NOT as hilarious as the blurb would have us think. Well, maybe if you’re 14 and still laugh at old people falling down. Or if your parents aren’t elderly and fragile. Or if you're not elderly and fragile, or on the slippery slope to getting there. This was actually a rather sad and realistic portrait of aging people, parents and adult children both, and the indignities we will all face when we get to that stage. There is nothing in the least amusing about dementia, or not recognizing one’s children, or not knowing where you are at any given time. I did crack a few smiles though while reading this, and appreciate Joy’s resolute grasp of her independence in the face of her rather infantile elderly children’s neediness. Lovely writing, lovely old people. 3 1/2 stars.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story of Joy and Aaron, aging parents in New York City was an apt read for me. Their children, Molly and Daniel are juggling their own lives with jobs, spouses and households, but are worried about their parents aging. Joy is 86 and most of the story is told from her point of view. She is still working, but realizes that she will soon have to stop. Her husband Aaron is suffering from dementia and she realizes that she is going to need help soon. She is very proud and extremely reluctant to let her children help her and the story unfolds as she negotiates the difficult parts of aging while continuing to live. On many levels, this story resonated with me and Cathleen Schine seems to write from a place of knowledge. I will meet her next week in a small group and am excited that I get to discuss this interesting and truthful novel.

[JoAnn · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading The Three Weissmanns of Westport, I was expecting something light and fun. Instead I found a more serious novel, full of insight into the relationship between adult children and their aging parents. Obviously Schine has been there and she understands the vastly different needs, desires, and expectations of all concerned. An unexpectedly beautiful and poignant novel.

My full review:
http://lakesidemusing.blogspot.com/20...

[Mary-Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

All happy families, all unhappy families, etc. I thought this would be a comic look at an unhappy period in a mostly happy family, but it careened in different and uncomfortable directions that were ultimately sad in a way that I wasn't expecting (or wanting).

[Michele · Rating 2 out of 5]

She may not mean to write a depressing book, but she did.

[Juan David Castaño Londoño · Rating 3 out of 5]

Leer este libro fue como ver en un espejo los años finales de la relación entre mi abuela y abuelo, y entender finalmente lo que tantas veces me repitió ella cuando él murió: “vivo, pero vivo menos porque no está tu abuelo”.

Entender que cuando estamos en nuestros años mayores nuestra pugna no es sólo con el envejecer, sino con hacerle entender a los otros que seguimos siendo capaces de todo, por nosotros mismos, es la gran conclusión de este libro.

Vi raccomando leggerlo in italiano! Quando si usano queste belle parole, il sentimento diventa più forte…

[Maggie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent story about older parents and adult children and the disconnect between them as they each try to understand the other. Good representation of dementia and how caregiving can be so rewarding and so depleting.

Makes me want to move back to NYC and age-in-place atop a diner that will deliver my meals.

[Laurel-Rain · Rating 4 out of 5]

Joy and Aaron Bergman have been the matriarch and patriarch of the family for years. A family that includes son Daniel and daughter Molly, now grown and living their own lives.

Daniel is married to Coco and has two daughters, Ruby and Cora.

Molly married and divorced Doug Harkavy, and the two have a grown son, Ben. Molly now lives in California with her female partner, Freddie.

Like most families, there are issues. But the primary one at the beginning of They May Not Mean To, But They Do, is that Aaron is dying. But the process of dying is eating up the funds, which were already considerably depleted by Aaron, via gambling and risk-taking.

Joy is adamant that Aaron will not leave the family home. An assisted-living facility is something she has fought against, so home help is provided. The funds continue to dwindle.

The primary setting is Manhattan, where the family has lived over the years. They own a second home that Joy inherited, north of the city. Daniel and Molly try to get Joy to sell the house they’ve dubbed Upstate, a getaway named thus because of its geographical location. It is a place with no mortgage that could generate much-needed funds, but there is a dilemma. It is also a symbol of the past memories of good times as a family. A place to connect.

What happens when Joy is finally left a widow? Will she reclaim her life, or will she continue to struggle? Why does she feel dismissed and ignored by her children and grandchildren, even when they are all together? Why does she sense that they are eagerly awaiting her death, so they can sell the house Upstate and organize the financial mess of her life?

Alternating narratives show us the family in all of its chaos, with occasional sweet moments. I found myself disliking Daniel, who loves to control and organize things, and while I can relate to those feelings, I felt hurt for Joy, whose feelings were often overlooked. As if she has already gone. As if she is invisible.

The story moved slowly for me, mostly because the process of Aaron’s dying took up a large chunk of the book, a process that was depressing, but very real, too.

So…the meandering through the life moments felt necessary. There was also some humor, as Joy was a character that showed a self-deprecating quality. I loved observing her still making discoveries about herself at her age, despite her physical frailties. A reminder that we all must face our mortality at some point, and hopefully, our families will support us. In the end, would Joy’s family finally see her? 4.5 stars.

[Barbara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are you, or have you ever been, an adult child?
Are you, or have you ever been, an aging parent?
Have you ever loved or been loved?
Can you laugh with recognition when you see yourself, or your loved ones, in print?
Can you weep with recognition when you see yourself, or your loved ones, in print?

In summation, Dear Humans, this book, Schine's best by far, is for you. I exclude no one in my exhortation to get thee to a bookstore.

[Laura Jean · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a beautiful book. It's a glimpse into the life of Joy, an 86 year old New Yorker. It's full of loss, but full of poignantly beautiful moments too. Joy's life is also full of humor. I enjoyed it as a view into a family dealing with aging and deteriorating parents, who are still trying remain independent and relevant. The children are loving but have their own jobs, spouses....lives. There are the clashes of personalities, differences in ways of grieving, but lots of love. And it's full of the bungled attempts to care for each other.

[Mary Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Schine is the best!