Lessons from a CF Cornerman: 38 Lessons I Learned During My Wife's Illness And Lung Transplant

by Raymond L. Poole

On New Year’s Eve 2014, 37 years into her struggle with cystic fibrosis, Rebecca Poole went into respiratory failure and was put on life support. They gave her days to live but she would take much more than that. She was on a ventilator for 171 days and was in the hospital for 218. Lessons from a CF 38 Lessons I Learned During My Wife’s Illness and Transplant tells this story from her husband’s perspective. The struggle to stay positive, make progress in the face of impossible odds, and make the most of each day comes across in this brutally honest portrayal of the ups and downs of a major illness. His lessons relate to relationship conflicts, personal motivation, and overwhelming obstacles. The serious subject matter is offset by his humor and wit as this self-proclaimed expert on “holding her pocket book like a man” takes you through an incredibly tough experience and what he learned from it.

Genres: Medical

384 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 4, 2016

Reviews

[3min45secs · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started talking to Ray after I was reading a post on Goodreads about people reviewing books shared by Goodreads users. He kindly sent me a copy of his book for my Kindle. I started with reading other reviews which had been posted. The reviews were promising, they talked about how emotional, funny and distressing the book is. How the way Ray talks about his wife and her illness of Cystic Fibrosis. He talks with such affection that it never seems to occur to Ray that his life is anything other than caring and loving Rebecca in the way he does. I felt very emotional for Ray, how he has this unconditional love for his wife. Their relationship clearly shares a love which won't be broken, no matter what life throws at Ray and Rebecca. Ray shares a very honest and open perspective of Becca's condition and her fight with Cystic Fibrosis. He goes into detail about the medicine which she takes, the diagnosis Becca has and how she puts up a tremendous fight against Cystic Fibrosis.


Ray discusses the different relationships he and Becca share with both family and friends. They appear to have a very secure network around them with friends and family. However, I did feel a little hostile towards Rebecca's mum, Brenda. I genuinely believe Brenda cares for Becca, but she does have an unusual way to show it. Brenda appears to be more concerned about what people think of her and what she can gain personally from any illness or condition Becca may have. In order to keep Brenda happy Ray has to hold his tongue a number of times. Every time he does this I could feel myself challenging him and wanting him to ask Brenda about any issues she had and to find out why she acts the way she does. I can't even comprehend how hard Ray would have had to try to and work to keep everyone happy. To stay in touch with everyone to keep them updated on Becca's developments, to ensure that everyone they know is having regular contact and visits and communication when I just wanted to tell him to focus on his and Becca's needs. Don't be bothered about what everyone else is telling you or trying to get you to do! Just focus on your own well-being and the well-being of Becca and everyone else can fit in around you. If they don't like it, tough!

I was in absolute awe of how much one person can go through! I have never heard of someone having so many illnesses, ailments, set backs, troubles and so much more. Ray talks about it always being one step forward and two steps back, this is absolutely true, but this is still moving forward. Praise the good and roll with the punches. This book truly shows what the human body can go through. How positive thinking, determination and the absolute god send that is medicine can fix almost anything. I cannot even begin to comprehend how thankful Rebecca and Ray must be for the amazing gift someone gave them of donating an organ. I am a massive believer in organ donation and I think it is an incredible thing to do. I personally am signed up to everything I can, organs, bone marrow and I want to donate blood but due to my own blood transfusion following sepsis, I am no longer able to do so. Please if you are reading this sign up to organ donation and make an incredible gift once you are no longer here. Let's be honest, what are you really going to do with your organs once you have died? Why not allow yourself to give another person the chance to live and continue in life.

I am so glad Ray sent me this book as I feel it has opened my eyes to a whole range of things that life can throw at you. It really made me feel like life can only give you what you can take. Although there are a number of things which Ray and Becca experience I feel they have not been given anything they can not handle together.

Becca, you are an inspiration and you should be incredibly proud of everything you have been through. You are a true fighter and I can't believe the determination and dedication you have.

Ray, you are such a strong person. You and Becca clearly work incredibly well together. I wish you both absolute happiness in the future and I hope you are now able to grow old and happy together.

I absolutely would recommend this book, its open, honest and emotional. It was refreshing to read something which is non-fiction and true. Thank you again, Ray, for sending your book to me.

Check out more reviews of a range of books at threeminutesfortyfiveseconds.blogspot.co.uk

[Billy Buttons · Rating 5 out of 5]

Title: Lessons From a CF Cornerman: 38 Lessons I Learned During my Wife’s Illness and Lung Transplant
Author: Raymond L. Poole

Star Rating: 5 Stars
Number of Readers: 21
Stats
Editing: 9/10
Writing Style: 9/10
Content: 10/10
Cover: 8/10
Of the 21 readers:
21 would read another book by this author.
17 thought the cover was good or excellent.
20 felt it was easy to follow.
21 would recommend this story to another reader to try.
14 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘subject knowledge’.
7 felt the author’s strongest skill was ‘writing style’.
21 felt the pacing was good or excellent.
21 thought the author understood the readership and what they wanted.

Readers’ Comments
‘I read it in a day; simply couldn’t put it down.’ Male reader, age 27
‘A difficult journey for any family. Well-written with good pacing. Packed full of gems on how to cope with a life-changing medical problem.’ Female reader, aged 46
‘A very frank and inspiring look at the life of a couple facing life with a terrible illness. It’s not light reading although the author has a wicked sense of humour. I learned a lot reading this, but mostly how strong the human spirit can be. Congrats to the author!’ Female reader, aged 31
‘There’s so much love in the story; it’s worth reading just for that.’ Female reader, aged 55
‘Wow! What an amazing read. Difficult, yes, but still amazing. I would recommend this book to anybody who is facing a major illness in the family.’ Male reader, aged 62

To Sum It Up:
‘Honest, candid and, most of all, inspiring. A FINALIST and highly recommended.’ The Wishing Shelf Book Awards

[Rachel Saluzzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will make you laugh and make you cry and make you appreciate every day you have here with your loved ones. Raymond tells it like it is, from the amazing doctors to the not-so-amazing transport team. His witty sense of humor is present throughout the pages of this whole book. You will find yourself being a cheerleader for Rebecca as he describes her constant struggles and how she puts on her game face during her toughest days. This book is about love and hope and the power of staying positive and never giving up. It's an honest story of the many ups and downs of caring for someone who has a terminal illness. But more than that, it's extremely motivational. It leaves you wishing you could be as strong a fighter as Rebecca and it leaves you hoping for a cornerman like Raymond by your side.

[Jaime · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, 38 lessons that I GOT from reading this book. I found myself saying out loud:
Ray, you're brave; Ray, be strong; Ray, keep it together; Ray, don't do it; Ray, draw a damn line in the sand already; Ray, glad you draw the line, about time.

I felt I went through his journey together. One particular individual (without spoiling) was so selfish and annoying that should have left out of their lives altogether. I AM GLAD THAT INDIVIDUAL DIDN'T GET MENTION in the acknowledgement part of the book.

Raymond and Rebecca a fine example of awesome fighters. My favorite lesson :

" There is nothing to be gained by comparing your pain with the intent to prove you are suffering more than others. You will only demonstrate that you lack empathy ".

[Gabby Saluzzi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This must read story of this couple is truly incredible and inspirational. Not only is it informative for CF and caretakers in general, but is also an overwhelming display of love, persistence, and strength. The author succeeds in weaving together serious medical issues and good-hearted humor to beautifully encompass the journey that he and Rebecca went through.

[Hank Rich · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful story about Rebecca and Ray and written so beautifully by Ray. It is written in a way that everyone can relate to- compassionate, sad, funny, loving, thoughtful. Ray is very open in telling their story which makes it even more helpful to those who may be going through a similar situation. Rebecca is an amazingly strong person. The lessons in this book can be applied to life in so many ways in addition to a circumstance of illness or chronic disease. I recommend the book for everyone (gives life some perspective) but especially for family caregivers, professional health care providers, friends and family of caregivers. Thank you to Rebecca and Ray for sharing their story and to Ray for writing this book.

[Julie Eshman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our niece has CF. This is an intense book that really includes you on the journey towards lung transplant. Ray does a great job articulating the many challenges and you really get invested in cheering Bec on towards recovery. Please support the CF Foundation so CF means Cure Found. Thank you.

[Ray Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read

This book was insightful
Perspective is key in any situation. If you are struggling with medical challenges, this book will inspire you!!

[B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ray and Rebecca are our neighbors. I met them before I knew this story, and after reading this book what an appreciation for their lives and loving commitment to each other.

[Louis Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

A heartbreaking look into life with Cystic Fibrosis and a private invitation into a caretakers inner most feelings and struggles as they battle this disease together. From tragedy to triumph, from witty to morose, this story runs the reader through a gamut of emotions . This book is not only for CF families, but for EVERYONE. The 38 life lessons the author portrays through his story are applicable for anyone. This is a story about life and love, and how we can cope through our daily struggles. To quote the author "At the end of the day, we sit alone with our thoughts and memories. I want mine to be saturated with little victories, tons of laughs, and enough bright spots to outshine the dark"

[Meg Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an amazing story of true love, faith, and determination. Ray and Becca's strength are inspiring. This is a book not to be missed!