How to Good-Bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?

by Hiroyuki Nishigaki

I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known a 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has a good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make #### three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong, beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention, which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don't know concentration, which gives you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like hell.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction

252 pages, Paperback

First published July 24, 2000

Reviews

[Petra X · Rating 3 out of 5]

. Anal Constrictions are where it's a! I want to share the first paragraph with you all. It is 7* with a bucket rocket!

"I think it is effective to cure or prevent depression and become happy-healthy-efficient that you
(1)constrict anus 100 times in succession and dent navel 100 times in succession after constricting anus 100 times in succession everyday following the life style of long-lived British as possible
(2)sometimes turn to bay throwing away pride-welcome a insult or fall into the hell voluntarily or occupy your time with something else (anything would do)
(3) enjoy taking advantage of a petty tyrant to temper yourself
(4)do 3-week fasting and excrete a bucketful of old black solid excrement which has stuck to your small intestine for long years
(5)reduce the frequency of sex or masturbation to less than half if possible
(6)rotate your energetic vortex of your body."

Can this get any better?

I so want to read this book. I could add these anal contractions to my Kegels, and do a one two, or get a good rhythm going, vagina anus, tummy button. (He also says you have to dimple your navel). I could do it in public plugged into music. I was just having a go to Pharrel Williams' Happy. It really works, vagina anus navel, vagina anus navel... All this toning up of the rude bits is making them ... happy ;-)

I wish there was a free excerpt online of this, but I guess I am going to have to order it.

I was just on holiday in the Bahamas and got the runs, I wonder if these anal constrictions would have helped with that? I mean not having to be within 10 yards of a loo.

[Books Ring Mah Bell · Rating 3 out of 5]

THIS IS UNRATEABLE. I have NO IDEA what to do with this book, rating-wise or review-wise. I am stumped. Maybe I need to not worry about "petty tyrants" and start shooting out dirty fibers and make ** several times a day.

Fun fact: a happy, healthy anus should look like sun, radiating beams.


-------------------------------------------------------
(before reading)

Oh, Hiroyuki! You make sound so simple!

No Prozac, Zoloft, Elavil, Desipramine; Nortriptyline; Cymbalta, Effexor,
Trazodone; Paxil, or Wellbutrin!!!!

No Booze! No heroin or weed! No cocaine!

None of that St. Johns Wort or valerian root....

No crazy diets!


ANAL CONSTRICTIONS ARE THE ANSWER!

Can I get an AMEN????



YES!

AMEN!

Go squeeze, people!

[Lane Wilkinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I no longer depression thank you to the author who has reliably shown that constriction of anus 100 daily times makes vigor, anti-aging, good complexion, beauty treatment, intuition, hair, conjugal affection. My learning in that constriction of anus 100 daily times gives me Business CEO mentality intuition. Don't believe in? 89 year old man have 6 vigorous bowel movements each day because of goodbye-depression with not much discharge from abdomen. Constrict anus 100 daily times and soon only 5 minutes or a half inch is possible!

[Joshua Nomen-Mutatio]

I SWEAR ON THE STILL WARM CORPSE OF MARY LOU RETTON THAT THIS BOOK'LL CHANGE YOUR LIFE IT IS ABOUT THE JOYS OF ANALLY-DERIVED HAPPINESS SPHINCTER CONTROL TO THE NTH DEGREE WAVE BYE BYE TO BAD THOUGHTS.

RETTON OUT!

[Vann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book as a joke when I worked at the bookstore. It is basically a collection of emails sent to this guy regarding his cure for depression and then (I'm guessing) translated using some really wonky Japanese-to-English computer program, resulting in a book that works pretty well as an avant garde novel. Reading it, I tried his method and found it quite effective. If you can count the times you flex your butthole up to a hundred without busting out laughing, then you must be really bummed out. (Pun absolutely intended.) And as a bonus I have a super strong butt muscle now.
The End.

[Nemo ☠️ (pagesandprozac)]

after reading the blurb my depression has diminished by at least 30% so i can only imagine what effect the full thing will have

[Marc *Dark Reader with a Thousand Young! Iä!* · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think constricting anus 100 times and denting navel 100 times in succession everyday is effective to good-bye depression and take back youth. You can do so at a boring meeting or in a subway. I have known 70-year-old man who has practiced it for 20 years. As a result, he has good complexion and has grown 20 years younger. His eyes sparkle. He is full of vigor, happiness and joy. He has neither complained nor born a grudge under any circumstance. Furthermore, he can make * * three times in succession without drawing out.

In addition, he also can have burned a strong beautiful fire within his abdomen. It can burn out the dirty stickiness of his body, release his immaterial fiber or third attention which has been confined to his stickiness. Then, he can shoot out his immaterial fiber or third attention to an object, concentrate on it and attain happy lucky feeling through the success of concentration.

If you don't know that concentration can give you peculiar pleasure, your life looks like a hell.

So reads the back jacket copy, and is as good a summary of the book as any.

This is an odd piece of work. Half of it is an unedited series of posts to a depression newsgroup and replies from December 13, 1999 to January 10, 2000. It's hard to read because a lot of it is repeated ad-nauseum within the messages ("____ wrote: ") and it takes effort to find where the poster may have added a line or comment, much of which is like, "What is this Crap?" In one inobstrusive spot, the author says he's using language translation software, which kind of takes the fun out of it. The humour of the book is limited and only exists because of this lost-in-translation aspect crossed with the puerile joy of reading "anus 100 times" in any context.

The second half is more substantial, if similarly mystifying, and delves more into spiritual and physical practices, maybe Buddhist, chakra-based stuff, I don't know. I think the author/poster used the newsgroup opportunity to introduce his advice in the simplest terms, then expanded from there once he drew interest. The longer passages purport to explain various concepts in chapters like, "Part 4 Stare, shoot out immaterial fiber; succeed in concentrating, behave with abandon-largess-humor and beckon the spirit".

It didn't take long before I had to start skimming. Maybe there's some wisdom in there, but I don't know the person who could get something out of this. I briefly considered trying his recommended 3-week fasting in order to excrete a bucket of 4-5 kg of old black excrement from my small intestine, but with the caution that . . .

If you have money, hunger and sensitiveness of nose are apt to impel you to buy food and eat it of enter a restaurant and eat food. If you do so while doing 3-week fasting, you will die.

. . . it doesn't really seem worth the risk.

I will never not be tickled by the front cover text of this book. Every element is wonderful, from the use of "good-bye" to mean "get rid of", the jump to constricting anus 100 times every day, and the questions that follow. Just remember, it's not JUST constricting anus willy-nilly to good-bye depression. Specifically, it's"a big explosion will happen to you in a year or 2 years as long as you keep on constricting anus 100 times in succession and denting navel 100 times in succession after constricting anus 100 times in succession everyday following the life style of long-lived British every day as possible saving your sex energy."

Don't have an anus? There is more you can do:

Hello
It is effective way to strengthen and purify our energy that will read the poem, Youth ["by Ulman, an American poet"] loudly for one hour twice a day everyday for more than 3 years. I think to read it loudly for 2 hours everyday for more than 3 years is effective to cure depression.

Better get started.

[Colin Tate · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredibly funny book that details how you can beat depression. It is written by a guy who I genuinely think means well, but the fact that English isn't his native language, plus lashings of absolutely stonking levels of crazy (well-meaning crazy), creates a book that has left me and my friends in hysterical tears.

I'm just going to flip open to any page, and I'll type in the first paragraph I come across:

"It is easy to erase your sticky immaterial like a soft jelly in your muscle, but it is very difficult to erase your sticky immaterial within your bones like a strong tenacious snake. I have been fighting against this strong tenacious snake since 2 years ago."

There, says it all really.

Highly highly recommended

[Anya]

Goodbye Lexapro, hallo Anus constriction. Thank you for saving me from long medical bills.

[Soami]

How could I pass this up? Joining goodreads was indeed worth my while :P

[Anika]

Das hier ist keine ernste Rezension, ich wollte mit diesem ganz besonderem Lektüretipp nur mal ein wenig Heiterkeit im Feed verbreiten. 😜

[Evie]

I want to read this book so badly.

[JT · Rating 5 out of 5]

I learned that to constrict anus 100 times is indeed malarky, but well worth the time.

[- ̗̀ jess ̖́-]

goodbye zoloft, goodbye expensive therapy visits, goodbye crying myself to sleep half the time, im ready to GOOD-BY DEPRESSION

[Alex · Rating 5 out of 5]

No malarkey here. If you can concentrate and practice shooting immaterial fiber or third attention to an outside object from your body, you will topple the petty tyrants (don’t take them seriously, play with them for 3-5 years, at most ten years, or maybe one). Still watch out for the small-fry tyrants and the teensy weensy tyrants (to be defeated by them is not deadly, but devastating). The secret to YOUTH and the happy lucky feeling (power) is to fast for three weeks to dislodge the old black excrement (4-5 kg) from your small intestine, after which you will feel so relieved and happy like you swept a foul chimney. Your small intestine may bleed. And you better check that the beautiful red part of below eyes is evidence of your recovering strong heart. Look to the long-lived British and Don Juan Matus, mentor of the late Carlos Castaneda: “years wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.”

If you want to die not like a depressed animal in a safe zoo but like an animal in a dangerous Africa plain, you had better ask big men, founders, pioneers, enterprisers, gangsters or naughty boys whether or not a happy lucky feeling hides behind danger. When your immaterial fiber or third attention succeeds in contacting the spirit, the spirit will run something beautiful, dry, glossy, sweet, kind, cool, active, nimble, fluid, noble, fierce, of abandon, of largesse, and of humor into you abundantly.

The sweeter you are, the crueler you have to become. The crueler you are, the sweeter you have to become.

[Fred · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the greatest book since Macho Business Donkey Wrestler by Jimmy James, albeit the Super Karate Monkey Death Car doesn't try to park in his spot. Reading this book will goodbye depression.

Sure, some people will read to the end to find out that "your third attention that hides within your body is like a smoke in a treasure-chest. How to recognize and handle it for you. Erasing stickiness make it appear from your body." But the beauty of this book is the journey.

Some of the best comments can't be reported here. But remember, dear reader, you to can follow the life style of long-lived British as possible and goodbye depression. Spirit bless you!

[Victoria · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to prove the idea that anyone can get published, I urge you to buy this book. It is written in ...um...English of sorts. I can't even describe it to you, just try reading any description of it and that should tell you everything you need to know. It still makes me laugh years after a friend found it online (she now owns the only copy we know of!). Entertaining and sad (heavy on the sad side).

[Mike · Rating 1 out of 5]

Honestly could have used more anus stuff.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life. Literally.
I mean, with groundbreaking ideas that the "liberal elitist media" seek to discredit, such as:
"Many kinds of sticky, feverish, cold or numb immaterial clouds are floating above our head and our houses. They are running sticky, feverish, cold or numb energy into our bodies so as to weaken or kill us. To set ourselves free or cure diseases of ours or of others, we have to cut the pipe between us and such a cloud."

*pow*

That was my head exploding. I can't believe I didn't think of that before! Hiroyuki Nishigaki is a freaking genius.

[Linsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this book is not malarkey and will indeed goodbye depression because it will make you laugh so hard at its utter batshitcraziness. Came across this years ago when I worked at the bookstore, thanks to some snarky co-worker who chose it for the "employee pick" shelf (Albert, was it you?), which of course necessitated ordering 20 copies just to be extra-super-duper-sure we had plenty in stock. You're welcome, Bellingham B&N patrons circa-2003... you're welcome.

[Carol Barnier · Rating 4 out of 5]

You don't read this for the content. you read it for unintended humor. The author wrote it in Japanese and then used a non-human translator to put it into English, which makes for some of the funniest reading you'll ever find.

This book has developed a cult following!

[Andy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Translation software in its infancy was a laughing matter and so is this book. Join the Anus 100 club!

[Seizure Romero]

Just...wow.

[Kim]

I have strong butt muscles now from constrictanus-ing my anus 100 times.
...
..
What am I saying. What the HELL?!

[Kevin Way · Rating 2 out of 5]

Surprisingly, this is not the worst book I've ever read.

[dAVE · Rating 5 out of 5]

Saved my life.

[Rob]

God as my witness, I don't know where to put this…in my categories, that is. But my anus seems to be constricting just thinking about it.

The thing I'd love to know, if anyone cares to inform me (I doubt I'm ever going to run across this in my library) is this: does the blurb give the entire 'plot' away?

[Marvin]

No, I do not actually intend to read this book but I really have to comment on the idea. I have worked as a therapist for decades and have plenty of experience dealing with depressive episodes (theirs and mine). If constricting your anus 100 times every day actually works I'm all for it but, if it does, it's going to put a lot of people out of work!

OK now...one...two...three..four...

[Scott Bauer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was sure that constricting my anus 100 times a day would be pure malarkey but I couldn't have been more wrong. This book showed me the way to a knew lifestyle free of depression and un-constricted anuses.

[Jess-i-ca]