Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time

by Melody Beattie

In simple, straightforward terms, Beattie takes you into the territory beyond codependency, into the realm of recovery and relapse, family-of-origin work and relationships, surrender and spirituality.

You're learning to let go, to live your life free of the grip of someone else's problems. And yet you find you've just started on the long journey of recovery. Let Melody Beattie, author of the classic Codependent No More , help you along your way. A guided tour past the pitfalls of recovery, Beyond Codependency is dedicated to those struggling to master the art of self-care. It is a book about what to do once the pain has stopped and you've begun to suspect that you have a life to live. It is about what happens next.In simple, straightforward terms, Beattie takes you into the territory beyond codependency, into the realm of recovery and relapse, family-of-origin work and relationships, surrender and spirituality. With personal stories, hard-won insights, and activities, her book teaches the lessons of dealing with shame, growing in self-esteem, overcoming deprivation, and getting past fatal attractions long enough to find relationships that work.

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Relationships, Mental Health, Personal Development, Audiobook

276 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1989

About the author

Melody Beattie was an American self-help author best known for her groundbreaking work on codependency. Born in 1948 in Minnesota, she endured a traumatic childhood marked by abuse and early substance addiction. After achieving sobriety, she became a licensed addiction counselor and began writing to help others navigate emotional recovery. Her 1986 book Codependent No More became a bestseller, selling eight million copies and helping to bring the concept of codependency into mainstream awareness. Over her career, she authored 18 books, including Beyond Codependency, The Language of Letting Go, and Make Miracles in Forty Days. Though her work is often associated with Co-Dependents Anonymous, her books were independent of the program.
Beattie’s personal life reflected many of the struggles she addressed in her work, including four marriages and the loss of a son. Her writing often drew from her own experiences with grief, addiction, and healing. In early 2025, she was forced to evacuate her Malibu home due to wildfires and died shortly after at her daughter’s home in Los Angeles from heart failure.

Reviews

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy cow! This is the stuff that should be taught in schools. If only I had been aware of the information in this book 20-30 years ago. This one is even better than the first one. It gives specific tools to help identify unhealthy behaviors in yourself and in others and apply them to life in order to make healthy choices.

[Joey Heflich · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not an alcoholic. I'm not looking for a personal relationship with a higher power. I'm not a lady. I don't have kids or problems with commitment. It'd be nice to read a book about codependency and recovery written for sober, male agnostics.

[Juliana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This review is taken from my blog at: http://blog.geekuniverse.org/2008/02/...

In case it isn't already clear, I'm talking about two separate books here. One book is titled "Codependent No More" and the other is "Beyond Codependency." I picked them up at the library after hearing the term codependent used in The Emotionally Abusive Relationship. I've been interested in learning about the concept in the past and never gotten around to it.

So what is codependency? The term was coined originally to describe spouses of those dependent on alcohol or other drugs. For example, we'll say a woman is married to an alcoholic husband. The husband, dependent on the alcohol, is hampered in his ability to overcome alcoholism because of his codependent wife.

This does not mean the wife is an alcoholic and it does not mean she approves of the alcoholic's behavior. It means that her warped way of coping with that stress actually enables her husband's problem. She might try to ignore the problem, or try to solve the problem herself, or cover up for her husband--but whatever her behavior, she is actually taking responsibility for his behavior or her shoulders. She is an enabler--she makes it easy for him to be an alcoholic. When the problem gets worse and worse and the wife doesn't understand why, she's bound to feel hopeless, helpless, angry, stressed and probably bitter.

The term is now used in a more broad sense: you can use the term (or concept or ideas or paradigm, if you don't feel the need to use the latest pop culture terminology) to describe one who feels compelled to help others to the point of hurting themself and the intended compassionate recipient. The best line is these two books is that codependents do "all the wrong things for all the right reasons."

One of the most interesting, and least explored, concepts covered in the chronology or pattern of behavior. Here's my take:

First, the codependent is essentially a victim of somebody else's addictive or destructive behavior. As such, they are to be pitied and helped.

Next, the codependent tries to figure out how to cope with a situation that is not their fault and they have no control over. The natural instinct is to try to gain some control over the situation. But instead of doing it the healthy way--controlling themself by setting boundaries and knowing how to enforce them--they try to control the other person by "helping" them in various ways.

Lastly, when the problem gets worse and worse, the codependent becomes angry, bitter and dejected as a result of their failed attempts to gain some level of control over a situation that was already impossibly difficult to deal with. It is at this point that a codependent becomes an ugly force to be reckoned with. As they bounce between the second and third phase, they may play a Jekyll & Hyde game appearing intensely angry and controlling at some moments and at other moments seem to be the kindest, most giving person possible. It is at this stage that the original victim can become abusive.

At first, most people will be naturally drawn to a codependent because of the codependent's ability to give and give and give and give. When it eventually becomes apparent that the charitable behaviors are actually a warped way of controlling the world around them, a psychologically healthy person will turn the other direction and run as fast as they can. They will be able to sense inherently that their boundaries are being infringed on in a subtle and destructive manner.

I spent a lot of time pondering the conflict between charity and codependency, and wondering if I could really bring this book in line with my religious views. I'll save that for a separate blog entry. I also pondered my own tendency toward codependency. Did I learn behaviors that have been passed down through the generations? Or do I have some trauma I am dealing with in my life? Whatever the answer, my New Year's Resolution is to stop worrying about other people and learn to love and accept myself. So far, it's feeling fabulous and I think it is helping me to be more charitable toward others, rather than less charitable.



Okay, enough of explanations. I thought the concepts covered in these books were eye-opening and instructive. I think it's a great paradigm to explore. However, I think a better book could be written. Codependent No More is essentially the Go To book about codependency. I found it well written, but somewhat rambling and repetitive. (Somewhat like this blog?) Just as I found myself intrigued by a concept, the author would go into some lengthy story that only partially made sense to me, as somebody who has never dealt with an alcoholic or chemically dependent person. I actually enjoyed Beyond Codependency more because it dealt more with solutions to the problem than lengthy descriptions. Once I "got it," I "got it" and was bored with further detail in the first book.

I found myself wishing for a book that was written for a wider audience and in more broad terms, with less focus on the alcoholism angle. As it turns out, I found the perfect book by accident. I saw a book at Deseret Book titled "I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better" and was reminded of the codependency angle. So I bought it on a whim. It's exactly what I didn't realize I was looking for and it'll be up next in this four-part series of Self Help book reviews.

For more information about codependency:

According to Mental Health America (some random website I found online, which described it better than most) the symptoms of codependency are:

An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others

A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue

A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time

A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts

An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment

An extreme need for approval and recognition

A sense of guilt when asserting themselves

A compelling need to control others

Lack of trust in self and/or others

Fear of being abandoned or alone

Difficulty identifying feelings

Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change

Problems with intimacy/boundaries

[Katie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't like this book at all.

It was recommended to me by a close family member because I had expressed difficulty setting boundaries with a friend of mine. This family member expressed some of the same difficulties in their own life, and suggested this book.

It seems to be closely attached to the Al-anon program and alcoholism in the family. The stories of people's experiences with codependency were so suffocating to me, that I'm more emotionally disturbed after reading the book than I was before I started. The "I'm undeserving, I'm not good enough, I must control, my childhood was a loveless disaster," stuff makes me want to hide in a corner. People like that make me nervous. I just want to be happy and free, and that feels like 100 lbs of stress.


I actually started wondering for a while if I was nervous because I struggle with some of those issues. I don't; at least with most. I am good about taking time for myself and self-love. I like for others to feel free. I think I do struggle with setting boundaries and letting other's emotions affect my own. I wish there would have been more information about that in the book.

Also, I feel like it would have been helpful to have a section on "What are typical codependent thoughts" rather than just presenting stories. I never really got a solid sense of what it is.

I finished this in one sitting, because I didn't want to read it tomorrow, too. I thank the author for writing the book, because I think it's important, but it didn't speak to me personally.

[Eddie · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I got this book, it was for somebody esle, actually. I didn't think it really applied to me. But a little voice in my head said, "This is for you, read it (listen to it, being it was an audiobook)." I listened to that voice and I'm glad I did.

I learned so much about codependency and how in a lot of ways, I had a lot of the character traits. Unbeknownst to me, I have been working on codependent behaviors for many years now, but after reading this book, I feel much more aware of the tendencies than I ever did.

People are talking about the spirituality aspect of the book as a negative. I'm an Athiest and it didn't bother me one bit. Just like most advice, you take what you can use and apply it to you life and leave the rest behind. She wrote what worked best for her and took the time to write on a subject so many people struggle with. Good for her. I enjoyed the book immensely.

[Thea Rosemary · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was the first book my therapist recommended me to read in the three years we've been talking, so i knew it was going to be a doozy. from beginning to end, Beattie tackles the various aspects of life where codependency can root and take form. i used to think of codependency purely in a place of romantic relationships, but this book has granted me exposure and light as to how it has evolved in my own life in various ways.

Beattie is unafraid to discuss how codependency can be as equivalently debilitating as alcoholism and drug abuse – how codependency can be the cause for personality disorders, depression, and anxiety. i can't tell you how many highlights i made in this book, or the hours i've spent talking about and quoting this book to others.

this book has encouraged me to understand my path to recovery, and how important it is to my wellbeing. i highly recommend this book to everyone, because i can assure it will pave light in some form or another.

[Jed · Rating 3 out of 5]

Can't say I "enjoyed" reading this book, but it did help me see how alcoholism in my family history has created unhealthy behaviors, even generations away from the problem. Good stuff. More people (especially where I come from in the Midwest) would be well to learn more about this coping strategy which costs us so much life, love and joy.

[Lanre Dahunsi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Codependency is a set of maladaptive, compulsive behaviors learned by family members to survive in a family experiencing great emotional pain and stress . . . Behaviors . . . passed on from generation to generation whether alcoholism is present or not.

Codependence is sneaky and deceptive

Recovery also means addressing any other issues or compulsive behaviors that have cropped up along the way. Codependency is sneaky and deceptive. It’s also progressive. One thing leads to another, and often things get worse. We may become workaholics or busy freaks. We may develop eating disorders or abuse mood-altering chemicals. We may develop compulsive sexual behaviors or become compulsive about spending, religion, achievement, or appearance.

Recovery

Recovery means dealing with the entire package of self-defeating, compulsive behaviors, and any other problems that may have emerged. But we don’t deal with these behaviors or problems by thinking we’re bad for having them. We address ourselves, and recovery, with a sense of forgiveness and a certain gentleness toward ourselves. We begin to understand that the behaviors we’ve used were survival tools. We’ve been coping. We’ve been doing the best we could. We’ve been protecting ourselves.

Recovery means changing today’s self-defeating, learned survival behaviors. Recovery means putting out the smoldering coals. And recovery means dealing with any ways we may have been traumatized. We reconnect with ourselves. We learn to give ourselves some love and concern. We learn to make ourselves feel safe. We know, really know, it’s okay for us to be as healthy as we can become.

RECYCLING: THE RELAPSE PROCESS

Recovery is a process. Within that process is another one called relapse. Regression, reverting, slips—whatever we call it—any diagram we use to represent growth needs to accommodate it. In spite of our best efforts to stay on track, we sometimes find ourselves reverting to old ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving, even when we know better.

Relapse can sneak up on us, linger, and become as confusing as our original codependency. Or it can be brief. Sometimes, we’re reacting to other people’s craziness.

Codependency is a self-defeating cycle. Codependent feelings lead to self-neglect, self-neglect leads to more codependent feelings and behaviors, leading to more self-neglect, and around we go. Recovery is a more energizing cycle. Self-care leads to better feelings, healthier feelings lead to more self-care, and around that track we travel.

The elements that can help us break free of the past. These include

• feelings

• messages

• patterns

• people

A good rule of thumb is: If you can’t close it, don’t open it. Some people find complete blocks to the past. Denial is a necessary safety device. We use it to protect ourselves. If that protective device is taken from us, we need other protection.

Messages

Another important goal of the family of origin work is decoding and changing the self-defeating messages we picked up as children. The message is the meaning we interpreted from what happened. It’s our frame of reference—our filing catalog for life’s events.

We each have our own set of messages unique to our circumstances and to us. Each person can interpret entirely different messages from the same event.

Patterns

Another goal of historical work is to understand and change self-defeating patterns, including our patterns of intimacy or intimacy avoidance. We also examine our roles. How did we get our attention as children? How do we get our attention today? The feelings, messages, patterns, and roles are connected, interwoven like a tapestry.

People

An important part of family of origin work is resolving our relationships with the people in our families. This means acknowledging and releasing any intense feelings about family members, so we are free to love and grow. That can mean running a gamut of emotions from denial, hate, rage, disappointment, frustration, rejection, disillusionment, wishful thinking, resentment, and despair to acceptance, forgiveness, and love.

The Codependent Rule

The rules position themselves in our control center. They jam things up and take over. They direct our behaviors, and sometimes our lives. Once situated, they program us to do things that leave us feeling miserable, stuck, and codependent.

• Don’t feel or talk about feelings.

• Don’t think, figure things out, or make decisions—you probably don’t know what you want or what’s best for you.

• Don’t identify, mention, or solve problems—it’s not okay to have them.

• Be good, right, perfect, and strong.

• Don’t be who you are because that’s not good enough.

• Don’t be selfish, put yourself first, say what you want and need, say no, set boundaries, or take care of

yourself—always take care of others and never hurt their feelings or make them angry.

• Don’t have fun, be silly or enjoy life—it costs money, makes noise and isn’t necessary.

• Don’t trust yourself, your Higher Power, the process of life or certain people—instead put your faith in untrustworthy people; then act surprised when they let you down.

• Don’t be open, honest, and direct—hint, manipulate, get others to talk for you, guess what they want and need and expect them to do the same for you.

• Don’t get close to people—it isn’t safe.

• Don’t disrupt the system by growing or changing.

[Judy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Needed.

[Áine · Rating 4 out of 5]

"What do we need to surrender to and let go of? Our past, present, and future. Our anger, resentments, fears, hopes, and dreams. Our failures, successes, hate, love, and desires. We let go of our time frame, our wants, sorrows, and joys. We release our old messages, our new ones, our defects of character, and attributes. We let go of people, things, and sometimes ourselves. We need to let go of changes, changing, and the cyclical nature of love, recovery, and life itself." (240) #worldlydharmas

"When we start feeling the codependent crazies again, we know what time it is. It's time to take care of ourselves... Somewhere between our first response—shaking our finger at the other person and saying, "It's your fault"—and our second reaction—pointing that finger at ourselves and wondering, What's wrong with me?—there's a lesson to learn." (62)

"Feelings of guilt, pity, and obligation are to the codependent as the first drink to the alcoholic. Watch out for what happens next...

We cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of the other person's feelings." (70)

The codependent rules:

"Be good, right, perfect, and strong.
Don't be who you are because that's not good enough.
Don't be selfish, put yourself first, say what you want and need, say no, set boundaries, or take care of yourself—always take care of others and never hurt their feelings or make them angry.
Don't trust yourself, your Higher Power, the process of life or certain people—instead put your faith in untrustworthy people; then act surprised when they let you down.
Don't be open, honest, and direct—hint, manipulate, get others to talk for you, guess what they want and need and expect them to do the same for you.
Don't disrupt the system by growing or changing." (94)

"Shame can stop us from setting boundaries. And shame can keep us entrenched in our mistakes." (105)

"We're good, and we're good enough. Sometimes we make big mistakes; sometimes we make little mistakes. But the mistake is what we do, not who we are. We have a right to be, to be here, and to be who we are. If we're not certain who we are, we have a right to make that exciting discovery. And we don't ever have to let shame tell us any differently." (111)

"Affirming ourselves means developing a lifestyle that's self-affirming, instead of self-negating." (132)

"Trying to initiate a relationship with someone who's unavailable can trigger the codependent crazies in us... If you're with someone you don't want to be in a permanent, committed relationship with, you're unavailable." (155)

"Caretaking... damages boundaries. It leaves us with an unclear sense of ourselves and others—of who we are others are." (169)

Tips for setting boundaries:
We'll probably feel ashamed and afraid when we set boundaries. Do it anyway.
Anger, rage, complaining, and whining are clues to boundaries we need to set.
We'll be tested when we set boundaries.
When we identify we need to set a limit with someone, do it clearly, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible.
Be prepared to follow through by acting in congruence with boundaries.
There's a fun side to boundary setting too." (174-176)

"Another important part of intimacy and closeness is the ability to distance, to return to ourselves and our lives after getting close... Intimacy and closeness are altered states...softened states of boundaries. After we get close or intimate, we need to restore our boundaries and energy to normal, healthy, intact conditions. We need to close the gaps in our borders and restore ourselves to a state of completeness and individuality. People cannot sustain permanent states of intimacy and closeness. That's not desirable...We need to get our balance and selves back.

The need to distance is instinctive and healthy after times of closeness. the best ways to accomplish distancing aren't as instinctive. Many of us know all about distancing behaviors. They are the same behaviors we've used as substitutes for intimacy; they're the same behaviors that block and prevent intimacy. To distance we may resort to fight-picking, faultfinding, withdrawing, or any number of anti-intimacy behaviors. If it pushes someone away, protects us, constructs a barricade, or somehow creates distance, it's a distancing behavior. For those of us who have a limited capacity for intimacy, it may not take much closeness or intimacy to propel us to use distancing behaviors.

An option to these behaviors is learning to accept our need to distance after closeness, and choose how we would like to do it. Often, a simple closure of our energy and return to our lives and normal activities is enough. The more nurturing we are with ourselves, the easier it will be for us to handle both the merging and reemerging that are part of intimacy and closeness. intimate, close relationships require a strong and nurtured self from both people involved. Mutual respect and self-awareness are also necessary." (188)

"Sometimes in my work, I know there's a problem with a certain piece of writing. If I get too anxious and attempt to fix the piece without clearly identifying the problem (structure, tone, content), I waste my time running in circles and ultimately get back to the starting gate: pinpointing the problem so I can pinpoint the solution. I've used the same hasty approach in relationships, and it hasn't worked any better." (195)

Learn to recognize when you're negotiating with yourself.

"Ultimately, recovery is one big room called 'lives and relationships that work.' We do what we need to do to get and stay there." (235)

[Angie Perzee · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s another good tool and resource for those of us who find ourselves struggling with the concept of helping others but not really ourselves. It further helps me to see what things I struggle with and why. I am very thankful for Melody’s writings.

[Denise Schlachtaub · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book uses a 12 Step program as its model, which if that works for you, is great. I don't think of 12 Step programs as "the end all, be all" of self help books or recovery. I think they are one way of reaching a desired goal or outcome, and that there are other options. The journey is a personal one, and the choice of methodology is as well, so I read this book with that in mind and adjusted the references to 12 Steps to fit my personal belief system.
I found the book to be extremely useful - with lots of valuable insight, relatable personal stories and case studies, and tips to keep yourself on track. The end of each chapter presents questions to ask and activities to do, and I appreciated the large bibliography at the end of the book, which is a great resource for further reading from other authors on the subject. It's a very quick and easy read, but well organized, and packed full of helpful and still relevant information.

[Wendy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated this book more than "Codependency No More", mostly because Beattie seems to be more positive towards the reader. Beattie often uses examples that involve drug or alcohol addicts, which I found to throw me off from the point she was trying to make about codependency issues. This book is now published along side Codependency No More, as one book instead of two. Codependency No More needs to be read first in order to understand how those behaviors are manifest, but Beyond Codependency needs to be read in order to begin the healing process. The first book is more "this is what you're doing, KNOCK IT OFF" and the second book is more "okay, it's actually kind of hard to get over what you're doing, be nice to yourself and KEEP TRYING".

[Enrique Valdivia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Beattie's writing is best when she is telling her own story. The farther she strays from it the weaker the prose. Halfway through the book she starts running out of things to say. The last few chapters are practically useless. This is too bad because I had high hopes for some of them. The chapter about how to help children cope with growing up in a "recovering" family raises a very important issue but does nothing with it. The reader is left with no guidance whatsoever. Beattie's frank appraisal of codependent behaviors and how to deal with them is what makes this book worth reading. The first half of it anyway.

[Elizabeth Beck · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated a lot of what she had to say but felt she could have been a bit more sympathetic toward her audience, particularly regarding the spirituality aspects. It would be a lot more accessible if she hadn't treated spirituality as a given; there are people who are terrified of God or who don't believe in God (and sometimes a traumatic mix of the two) who need recovery and they shouldn't be alienated from the world of recovery.

[Dannie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helps you to heal and let go of other people's problems and to live your own life--teaches you to love and take care of yourself. Cause if you are not healthy--how can you expect to take care of others!

[Charity · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 rounded up to 4, simply because I highlighted like a mad woman through most of it. I believe my rating would be higher if I was in a different place personally. If you ARE recovering from a codependent relationship, read this.

[Chelsea Heath · Rating 4 out of 5]

More very useful information on how to grow out of codependency. I appreciated the discussion of the actual process and some of the obstacles that might be encountered. Thank you, Ms. Beattie!

[Just Seni · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I read this at the perfect time in my life. Too soon and I may not have been ready, too late and I won’t even need it anymore. I am a “recovering codependent” so I am aware of what codependency is, what some of my triggers are & how it shows up in my life & relationships.
It’s perfect because it validates the efforts I’ve made towards finding a “sense of self”.

Emotional/Mental recovery is complex, there’s no metric for progress. Am I’m doing the right thing? Is this codependence or closeness? Are my boundaries too rigid? Too much empathy? It can all be very confusing so having the author validate my experiences throughout this process is refreshing.

The only issue I have is the same one I had with its predecessor “Codependent No More”. It gets extremely repetitive and preachy as it goes along. Each chapter has valuable information but its drags on and on, repeating the same concepts in different words. In the last chapter, she uses the word “surrender” 28 times and that’s excluding the synonyms. Also it’s heavily aimed at partners of alcoholics/substance abusers & the 12 step program.
I had a hard time finishing. l knew what to expect and I got bored.

Overall, it’s an ok book with valuable information. I think the writing styles is just not for me. I’ll be using this book as a reference throughout my recovery though. Lots of activities and checklists to “check yourself” with.

[Tomek · Rating 2 out of 5]

While I can see the utility of this book, I had several issues with it. First and foremost, it serves as a supplement to her previous book Codependent No More. I haven't picked up that one yet, but the way this one is written makes it very difficult to understand what she's actually talking about. This isn't bad in and of itself, but I would appreciate some degree of recap for those of us who couldn't find her other book in the library. For example, she never provides a concrete definition of codependency, stating there is no agreed upon definition and leaving it at that. I'm still unclear about what ultimately divides someone who is sympathetic from someone who is codependent, which seems like a large oversight for a book on the subject. Furthermore, while, in my opinion, the emphasis on alcoholism and religion makes this book a powerful tool for those struggling with that particular behavior and share that particular belief, others, including myself, may have a hard time relating her solutions to their personal life. This review is not to say it's a bad book, just that it didn't suit me. It looks like I'll have to continue my search for a book to help me understand this concept.

[Mixtape · Rating 4 out of 5]

This audiobook has gotten me through many dark days. I’ve read Codependent No More as well, but definitely will be revisiting this one a lot more. Both are indispensable to anyone struggling with codependency, but I think Beyond Codependency has more long term strategies that I’ll be coming back to. I love the audiobook but purchased the written form as well as it’ll be easier to do the very helpful Activities with a physical copy.

The only reason for 4 instead of 5 stars is that I wish it didn’t only reference the Christian version of God when speaking of higher powers — I know a third of the world’s population follows some form of Christianity, but there’s still the other two thirds of us who don’t. That said, it is not preachy or forceful in its references to Christianity, and the references don’t detract greatly from the reading and I am able to mentally substitute my own ideas of higher power.

[Guilherme Joshua Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

O livro começa devagar - tão devagar que quase desisti da leitura e concluir os primeiros capítulos requereu um verdadeiro esforço. Porém, de aproximadamente a metade do livro até o final Beattie destrincha com destreza uma série de assuntos cruciais, tocando em tantos pontos chaves que não consigo pensar em uma única pessoa do meu círculo íntimo que não tem pelo menos uma das questões que ela aborda tão bem. O livro tem como base ou ponto de partida a relação de codependência entre um viciado e seus familiares, mas tem uma abordagem abrangente o suficiente para ser relevante para qualquer pessoa que se relacione com outros seres humanos, mesmo nunca tendo tido contato com drogas, abuso ou privações significantes. Por fim, faço uma pequena ressalva quanto algumas frases que poderiam ter sido traduzidas/adaptadas melhor para o leitor Brasileiro. De qualquer forma, que livro!

[Judy & Marianne from Long and Short Reviews · Rating 4 out of 5]

IF you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship, this might be the book you’re looking for.

I picked this book up because I’d read others by Beattie and liked them. This one helped a lot because it’s about getting beyond the point of codependency. What happens next? What about the rest of your life? This book talks about that. How we get into patterns, how we let others in and allow them to do what’s been done before, how we need to move forward but with kindness for ourselves.

This book isn’t easy to read, but it is. There are parts that are emotional and will make the reader well up. There are also points of light that can give the reader lots of hope. There is something bigger out there and it’s up to the reader to decide what or let the path be shown to them.

I liked this book and recommend it if you’re in need of a help when dealing with codependency.

[C.]

A nice followup to her original codependency book. Not as interesting as the one where she tell of her son’s accident. This book is filled with life examples of people making wrong choices that do not benefit them or the people they love. Other stories of people stuck in substance abuse, cycles of negative relationships, or mentally stunted in some way.

Some interesting thoughts and points to consider. Though this book did not provided the punch I expected from this author. I did not find it as helpful for me. Perhaps if I had read it at a different point in my life, i would have more appreciation. I also think the narrator didn't seem energized about the book. It seems to draw on.

[Tony · Rating 4 out of 5]

Along with Codependent No More, Beyond Codependency has given me a new perspective on my behaviors and attitudes along with those of my family. I have been able to detach from feeling that I am responsible for solving every problem. I try to sympathize and emphasize with friends and family rather than lecture or push advice on others. I still have a lot of work to do, but I'm glad to have these books in my library.

[Liz Bennett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would give this book a million stars if I could. This is a must for anyone who has struggled with living with someone with substance abuse issues and has found themselves recovering from codependency. You're not crazy and you're not alone.

I haven't read Codependent No More, but Beyond Codependency met me exactly where I am in my recovery journey after putting in the work to learn about myself and change my situation.

[Anino · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Necessary staple for your personal library

Recovery is possible. As a matter of fact, it’s more than possible. It involves Trusting God, telling yourself the truth, making better choices, and using the necessary tools that will empower you to do better. Whether if you opt to read this book in your teens, or different phases of adulthood, you’re reading it at just the right time for you. Because “when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”

[LemontreeLime · Rating 2 out of 5]

Listened to this as an audio book, which may have been a bad idea. The way it's written always ends up coming across in the audios as lists and lists of endless lists of this that and the other, and I end up frustrated and bored by yet another documentation of what is or is not part of codependency. I always end up feeling like the whole world is codependent then.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good factual book on steps to take once you accept that you're codependent. Chapter 2 on recovery stood out to me since it discussed detaching, setting boundaries and stopping self-defeating behaviors. There's also specific chapters on choosing new boundaries by what you complain about or hurt over. Good information, easy to read with thought-provoking activities at the end of each chapter.

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this book after reading Codependent No More, Melody Beattie's classic. Reading CNM is like swallowing a bitter pill of hard truth. This follow-up provides a lot of helpful, positive guidance on recovering and moving forward. I also recommend the "Language of Letting Go" app, which provides a daily reflection on recovering from codependency.