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A Uterus Is a Feature, Not a Bug: The Working Woman's Guide to Overthrowing the Patriarchy
A rallying cry for working mothers everywhere that demolishes the "distracted, emotional, weak" stereotype and definitively shows that these professionals are more focused, decisive, and stronger than any other force.
Working mothers aren’t a liability. They are assets you—and every manager and executive—want in your company, in your investment portfolio, and in your corner.
There is copious academic research showing the benefits of working mothers on families and the benefits to companies who give women longer and more flexible parental leave. There are even findings that demonstrate women with multiple children actually perform better at work than those with none or one.
Yet despite this concrete proof that working mothers are a lucrative asset, they still face the "Maternal Wall"—widespread unconscious bias about their abilities, contributions, and commitment. Nearly eighty percent of women are less likely to be hired if they have children—and are half as likely to be promoted. Mothers earn an average $11,000 less in salary and are held to higher punctuality and performance standards. Forty percent of Silicon Valley women said they felt the need to speak less about their family to be taken more seriously. Many have been told that having a second child would cost them a promotion.
Fortunately, this prejudice is slowly giving way to new attitudes, thanks to more women starting their own businesses, and companies like Netflix, Facebook, Apple, and Google implementing more parent-friendly policies. But the most important barrier to change isn’t about men. Women must rethink the way they see themselves after giving birth. As entrepreneur Sarah Lacy makes clear in this cogent, persuasive analysis and clarion cry, the strongest, most lucrative, and most ambitious time of a woman’s career may easily be after she sees a plus sign on a pregnancy test.
Working mothers aren’t a liability. They are assets you—and every manager and executive—want in your company, in your investment portfolio, and in your corner.
There is copious academic research showing the benefits of working mothers on families and the benefits to companies who give women longer and more flexible parental leave. There are even findings that demonstrate women with multiple children actually perform better at work than those with none or one.
Yet despite this concrete proof that working mothers are a lucrative asset, they still face the "Maternal Wall"—widespread unconscious bias about their abilities, contributions, and commitment. Nearly eighty percent of women are less likely to be hired if they have children—and are half as likely to be promoted. Mothers earn an average $11,000 less in salary and are held to higher punctuality and performance standards. Forty percent of Silicon Valley women said they felt the need to speak less about their family to be taken more seriously. Many have been told that having a second child would cost them a promotion.
Fortunately, this prejudice is slowly giving way to new attitudes, thanks to more women starting their own businesses, and companies like Netflix, Facebook, Apple, and Google implementing more parent-friendly policies. But the most important barrier to change isn’t about men. Women must rethink the way they see themselves after giving birth. As entrepreneur Sarah Lacy makes clear in this cogent, persuasive analysis and clarion cry, the strongest, most lucrative, and most ambitious time of a woman’s career may easily be after she sees a plus sign on a pregnancy test.
320 pages, Hardcover
First published November 14, 2017
63 people are currently reading
1437 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 67 reviews
October 18, 2017
Am I really the first one to review this? I am a Badass Feminist Warrior!! I can't wait for this book to come out so I can recommend it to everyone. In this memoir/advocacy/social science gem, Sarah Lacy rips the veil off the patriarchy that so many people seem to want to hide. This insidious piece of our society has been haunting me since last year's election. It was so refreshing to hear Lacy call out the men who are responsible for it, while also being vulnerable about her own experiences. I enjoyed learning about who she is as a person. I am also so happy she brought in the experiences of women around the world, in poverty, and of all races. This book made me cry, but at the same time, it is a call to action. I refuse to let everyday misogyny bring me down. I want to make a change for my children - both white boys - and for the future.
P.S. Thank you to Edelweiss for the advanced reading copy.
P.S. Thank you to Edelweiss for the advanced reading copy.
March 21, 2018
SARAH LACY WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE 🙌🏻
Sharing her own experience working her way up in Silicon Valley & creating a company while raising 2 kids, and presenting stark facts showing how little we respect professional woman for being anything other than ticking time bombs waiting to request time off for doing crazy things like getting married & have babies— Lacy lays out how far we are from a 50/50 society and how, perhaps, we can do better to examine how we ended up so behind other developed countries that are actually good for/to their women (I’m looking at you Iceland). Women deserve more. Families deserve more.
This rounded out the first season of Booked 2018 challenge for the Body Positive category.
Sharing her own experience working her way up in Silicon Valley & creating a company while raising 2 kids, and presenting stark facts showing how little we respect professional woman for being anything other than ticking time bombs waiting to request time off for doing crazy things like getting married & have babies— Lacy lays out how far we are from a 50/50 society and how, perhaps, we can do better to examine how we ended up so behind other developed countries that are actually good for/to their women (I’m looking at you Iceland). Women deserve more. Families deserve more.
This rounded out the first season of Booked 2018 challenge for the Body Positive category.
November 28, 2017
It's hard for me to give this three stars because there was some amazing five star material here. This book 100% gets it right when the author talks about concepts; she is very good at synthesizing information and she makes a strong argument for what I've always believed – that is, working mothers are the best workers because we are forced to practice efficiency, teamwork, self-sacrifice, and time management more than anyone. Working mothers can't afford to sweat the small stuff.
The book loses traction when she gets too deep into her personal story, which unfortunately isn't very relatable or useful for the majority of working moms. However, like a good working mom I was able to skim through the superfluous fluff and get quite a bit from the content that was useful to me.
I was very surprised by the final chapter, in which she describes what it was like to wake up November 9 and tell her children that Donald Trump was president. This was a moment that united mothers I knew more than anything, and she was able to strongly evoke the fear and hope of raising children in these times.
So. This book is a jumbled of a 3, averaging one parts five star vs two parts two star material. Definitely worth the read as it's selling for half price on Amazon. Just be sure to use your discernment and working mommy time management pie skills to best maximize your reading experience
The book loses traction when she gets too deep into her personal story, which unfortunately isn't very relatable or useful for the majority of working moms. However, like a good working mom I was able to skim through the superfluous fluff and get quite a bit from the content that was useful to me.
I was very surprised by the final chapter, in which she describes what it was like to wake up November 9 and tell her children that Donald Trump was president. This was a moment that united mothers I knew more than anything, and she was able to strongly evoke the fear and hope of raising children in these times.
So. This book is a jumbled of a 3, averaging one parts five star vs two parts two star material. Definitely worth the read as it's selling for half price on Amazon. Just be sure to use your discernment and working mommy time management pie skills to best maximize your reading experience
December 23, 2017
This is a good addition to the women's empowerment cannon, but it's not particularly different or groundbreaking. The motherhood angle sets this book apart from some of the others, but I didn't hear anything I haven't seen before in other places. There are some humorous phrases, mostly involving curse words I'm not used to seeing in books, and I enjoyed Lacy's no-nonsense strong guidance. I like to read one of these sorts of books every now and then to remind myself why my husband and I are juggling two busy careers, two young kids, and a thousand other details of life. It's good to be reminded of all the excellent reasons to keep all the balls in the air. P.S. I listened to this as an audiobook, and it works well in that format.
December 18, 2017
This was a bit of a slog, and to be honest I'm not totally sure why.
I wasn't interested in the details of Ms. Lacy's personal life, but I really enjoyed the personal bits included in Shrill, which I finished recently. I think it might have been partly that all the details share were superficial. She says she had trouble forgiving her husband, but give no specifics about why her marriage fell apart other than she and her husband grew apart. It was hard to relate to her circumstances without more detail, and so it would have been better to talk either more or less about herself.
Her narrative came across very arrogant, and I *think* it would have turned me off just as much if the author had been male, but it's hard to know for sure.
My favorite part of the book was when she talked about how well her relationship with her ex-husband worked after they divorced. Lot's of lessons to be learned even for healthy relationships that are looking for a more equal balance of responsibility.
Also really liked the parts about China and Iceland and the places where they get it right and wrong.
I wasn't interested in the details of Ms. Lacy's personal life, but I really enjoyed the personal bits included in Shrill, which I finished recently. I think it might have been partly that all the details share were superficial. She says she had trouble forgiving her husband, but give no specifics about why her marriage fell apart other than she and her husband grew apart. It was hard to relate to her circumstances without more detail, and so it would have been better to talk either more or less about herself.
Her narrative came across very arrogant, and I *think* it would have turned me off just as much if the author had been male, but it's hard to know for sure.
My favorite part of the book was when she talked about how well her relationship with her ex-husband worked after they divorced. Lot's of lessons to be learned even for healthy relationships that are looking for a more equal balance of responsibility.
Also really liked the parts about China and Iceland and the places where they get it right and wrong.
February 25, 2018
Some interesting studies cited, but in trying to make the point that we should stop discriminating against mothers in the workplace, Lacey overbalances and overattributes her success to becoming a Mom. Didn’t love it.
January 11, 2019
There are times when I was reading this book, I told to myself “Thank you Sarah Lacy, that’s exactly what I wanted to hear today !! “.
Women in different countries and regions face different challenges. Coming from an Indian origin, I have witnessed a lot of bright women drop out of workforce at some point or the other. I can’t say that I see this in public services, but certainly in tech. I have always wondered what caused them to do so, is it a part of opt-out revolution or the guilt of not being available to your children 100%. I also have to say that the society does play a major role in taking moms who choose to work on a guilt ride, certainly where I come from.
The part the struck me most was the reason behind using the quota system to fix the gender mix at all levels. This resonates with the caste based quota that prevails in India. Quota system is good, if it is revamped every few years based on historical data. However if that’s not the case, then I am not sure if the system and the numbers will be relevant in the long run.
Women uplift women. Let’s do our tiny part in influencing a change for the better for generations to come.
Women in different countries and regions face different challenges. Coming from an Indian origin, I have witnessed a lot of bright women drop out of workforce at some point or the other. I can’t say that I see this in public services, but certainly in tech. I have always wondered what caused them to do so, is it a part of opt-out revolution or the guilt of not being available to your children 100%. I also have to say that the society does play a major role in taking moms who choose to work on a guilt ride, certainly where I come from.
The part the struck me most was the reason behind using the quota system to fix the gender mix at all levels. This resonates with the caste based quota that prevails in India. Quota system is good, if it is revamped every few years based on historical data. However if that’s not the case, then I am not sure if the system and the numbers will be relevant in the long run.
Women uplift women. Let’s do our tiny part in influencing a change for the better for generations to come.
August 31, 2018
I've followed Sarah Lacy's reporting on men behaving badly in Silicon Valley for a while, so jumped at the chance to see her at a live interview. She brought down the house, and I got a copy of her book to boot, signed "You are right, the world is wrong."
The book is a solid mix of personal stories, academic research, and interviews, and Sarah Lacy's voice throughout the narrative makes it all the more compelling. Who else could pull off titling a chapter "You Don't F*** with the Women of Iceland"?
Which brings up my last point - namely, this book wasn't written to make everyone happy. It's not written in the informative, conciliatory tone of say Anne-Marie Slaughter's recent book on nominally the same topic. Sarah Lacy is brazen and unapologetic, and this book is all the better for it.
The book is a solid mix of personal stories, academic research, and interviews, and Sarah Lacy's voice throughout the narrative makes it all the more compelling. Who else could pull off titling a chapter "You Don't F*** with the Women of Iceland"?
Which brings up my last point - namely, this book wasn't written to make everyone happy. It's not written in the informative, conciliatory tone of say Anne-Marie Slaughter's recent book on nominally the same topic. Sarah Lacy is brazen and unapologetic, and this book is all the better for it.
February 17, 2018
love, love, loved. If you're a working mother, or just a working woman, you have to read this book.
November 29, 2017
It would be far too easy to gush over this book, to say that it should be required reading for every woman who works outside the home, or has a daughter who does. It would be ridiculously simple to refer to the author, Sarah Lacy as one of the most important feminist voices of the modern era. Those things would be easy and simple because they are both true.
This book is witty, yes, but it’s also wise. It’s a gift from one woman to many others, of the author’s experience and insight, and while it’s written in an upbeat tone, it’s also quite frank.
More specifically, this book provides real advice on women in the workplace, especially after they become mothers. It talks about how to balance career goals with parenthood goals, but it also encourages women to be firm about how they’re treated, and sheds light on the way women in general, and women with children specifically, are perceived, and how to both cope and counter the (mostly) white, male establishment.
I’m not a mother, and I’ve been out of corporate America for over a decade, but I still found this book incredibly informative, insightful, and even empowering, and I’m recommending it to all of my friends – women and men – who still work for other people.
Will this book really help to overthrow the patriarchy? Maybe, maybe not. But it will open your eyes to what women face in the workplace every day, and, as the saying goes, knowledge is power.
Goes well with grilled salmon, roasted red potatoes, a lush salad, and a glass of wine.
This book is witty, yes, but it’s also wise. It’s a gift from one woman to many others, of the author’s experience and insight, and while it’s written in an upbeat tone, it’s also quite frank.
More specifically, this book provides real advice on women in the workplace, especially after they become mothers. It talks about how to balance career goals with parenthood goals, but it also encourages women to be firm about how they’re treated, and sheds light on the way women in general, and women with children specifically, are perceived, and how to both cope and counter the (mostly) white, male establishment.
I’m not a mother, and I’ve been out of corporate America for over a decade, but I still found this book incredibly informative, insightful, and even empowering, and I’m recommending it to all of my friends – women and men – who still work for other people.
Will this book really help to overthrow the patriarchy? Maybe, maybe not. But it will open your eyes to what women face in the workplace every day, and, as the saying goes, knowledge is power.
Goes well with grilled salmon, roasted red potatoes, a lush salad, and a glass of wine.
December 4, 2017
A book about being a working mom? And kicking butt? Yea I was all in. I was looking forward to something motivational and uplifting for moms and working women.
I admit I have mixed feelings about this book, though. It comes on quite strong, sharing all the statistics about the patriarchy and how difficult women still have it in the working world. I did like the memoir aspects and the struggles our author went through with her own business and parenthood that were sprinkled throughout all those chapters.
There were a lot of names dropped of people and tech companies. Many of them I was not familiar with, but I enjoyed reading the stories of women who have been very successful in their careers, especially those who said they became more driven, more determined after motherhood.
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
I admit I have mixed feelings about this book, though. It comes on quite strong, sharing all the statistics about the patriarchy and how difficult women still have it in the working world. I did like the memoir aspects and the struggles our author went through with her own business and parenthood that were sprinkled throughout all those chapters.
There were a lot of names dropped of people and tech companies. Many of them I was not familiar with, but I enjoyed reading the stories of women who have been very successful in their careers, especially those who said they became more driven, more determined after motherhood.
I received this book for free in exchange for an honest review. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
December 11, 2017
I got this book because it had a cool title. I think I may have seen it reviewed in a magazine somewhere.
I hadn't heard of Sarah Lacy before this book, although apparently she is famous. She write about technology things and that's just not my cup of tea. So, when she talks about herself and her business in this book, I personally found it a little boring. It was objectively well-written, it just wasn't my jam. Also, I can't conceptualize the idea of "silicon valley start-ups". Lacy's world is kind of a different planet than mine.
I liked the chapters where she talks about women more generally. Her chapters on the women of Iceland and China were deeply interesting. Who would have thought that one of the most anti-woman policies of all time would have led to better opportunities for a certain subset of women?
Generally speaking, this book is a cheer for all the working moms out there. Lacy very astutely tells people that pregnancy may or MAY NOT change you. I, for one, thought I'd turn into an alien after I gave birth, and was weirdly unsettled by how little I changed. I wondered if I was doing something wrong. But of course, I wasn't, I was just BEING A PERSON and people sometimes change and sometimes don't. Lacy makes a compelling case that whoever you were BEFORE you gave birth is probably going to be who you are AFTER birth.
I also really appreciated the way she celebrates the MANY transferrable skills of motherhood. Women are taught that the things we do in the home are VERY SPECIAL and not transferable outside of the home. It isn't true. If you can manage a household, you can manage a team.
The last chapter described her family's reaction after Donald Trump became president. I have no objective reasoning, but I just personally find the intersection of children and politics distasteful. Intellectually I understand that politics DO affect children, so it makes sense for parents who are very political to include their children... Unfortunately in my brain there is just an indelible division between children and politics - never the twain shall meet. So, for me, this chapter was super gross.
I would recommend this book for women struggling with "work/life balance" or "mommy wars" or any of that very silly angst so many of us deal with. I would also reccomend it to hiring managers - it's important to examine one's own internal bias in order to get the best for your team.
I hadn't heard of Sarah Lacy before this book, although apparently she is famous. She write about technology things and that's just not my cup of tea. So, when she talks about herself and her business in this book, I personally found it a little boring. It was objectively well-written, it just wasn't my jam. Also, I can't conceptualize the idea of "silicon valley start-ups". Lacy's world is kind of a different planet than mine.
I liked the chapters where she talks about women more generally. Her chapters on the women of Iceland and China were deeply interesting. Who would have thought that one of the most anti-woman policies of all time would have led to better opportunities for a certain subset of women?
Generally speaking, this book is a cheer for all the working moms out there. Lacy very astutely tells people that pregnancy may or MAY NOT change you. I, for one, thought I'd turn into an alien after I gave birth, and was weirdly unsettled by how little I changed. I wondered if I was doing something wrong. But of course, I wasn't, I was just BEING A PERSON and people sometimes change and sometimes don't. Lacy makes a compelling case that whoever you were BEFORE you gave birth is probably going to be who you are AFTER birth.
I also really appreciated the way she celebrates the MANY transferrable skills of motherhood. Women are taught that the things we do in the home are VERY SPECIAL and not transferable outside of the home. It isn't true. If you can manage a household, you can manage a team.
The last chapter described her family's reaction after Donald Trump became president. I have no objective reasoning, but I just personally find the intersection of children and politics distasteful. Intellectually I understand that politics DO affect children, so it makes sense for parents who are very political to include their children... Unfortunately in my brain there is just an indelible division between children and politics - never the twain shall meet. So, for me, this chapter was super gross.
I would recommend this book for women struggling with "work/life balance" or "mommy wars" or any of that very silly angst so many of us deal with. I would also reccomend it to hiring managers - it's important to examine one's own internal bias in order to get the best for your team.
January 1, 2018
"A Uterus Is a Feature, Not a Bug" counts Sarah Lacy’s decade-long journey, in her words, from “sexism denier” to “badass feminist warrior.” Take Silicon Valley, with all of its opportunity and optimism, and pull back the curtain. It’s also a system with warts and scars and chewed-up remains of many idealists. Only by taking this objective, multi-faceted view to the startup ecosphere, can we truly examine our biases and question the limitations that have been placed on all of us.
With her writing, Sarah isn’t interested in playing nice, should it offend a few mild-mannered perpetrators of benevolent sexism. She won’t kowtow to even other women who may see her as “too radical.” But maybe the filter of patriarchy has been distorting our reality so long, we’ve forgotten what “reasonable” sounds like.
That’s why, in the Series of Young Professional Female Awakening, "Uterus" should be the next assigned reading after "Lean In." The polished, virtuous ideas in "Lean In" will open your eyes, and the unapologetic fire in "Uterus" will piss you off.
Sheryl Sandberg’s creed of “rise above it” can be aspirational, but we’re not going to achieve true equality by perpetually (and exclusively) being the “good girls.” Sarah’s rallies around “Let go of perfection and FUCK your guilt and FUCK the patriarchy” does a nice job of rounding out feminism in this industry.
And it’s nice to have the option of both.
(My full review, in which I liken Sarah Lacy & Sheryl Sandberg as collective older sisters / models in tech, is here: https://medium.com/@jenniferkim/a-reb...)
With her writing, Sarah isn’t interested in playing nice, should it offend a few mild-mannered perpetrators of benevolent sexism. She won’t kowtow to even other women who may see her as “too radical.” But maybe the filter of patriarchy has been distorting our reality so long, we’ve forgotten what “reasonable” sounds like.
That’s why, in the Series of Young Professional Female Awakening, "Uterus" should be the next assigned reading after "Lean In." The polished, virtuous ideas in "Lean In" will open your eyes, and the unapologetic fire in "Uterus" will piss you off.
Sheryl Sandberg’s creed of “rise above it” can be aspirational, but we’re not going to achieve true equality by perpetually (and exclusively) being the “good girls.” Sarah’s rallies around “Let go of perfection and FUCK your guilt and FUCK the patriarchy” does a nice job of rounding out feminism in this industry.
And it’s nice to have the option of both.
(My full review, in which I liken Sarah Lacy & Sheryl Sandberg as collective older sisters / models in tech, is here: https://medium.com/@jenniferkim/a-reb...)
January 10, 2018
The subtitle of this book is “The Working Woman’s Guide to Overthrowing the Patriarchy,” which instantly had me intrigued. While I don’t consider myself to be a feminist (though obviously I think women should have equal rights), I am most definitely a working woman and working mother. I was glad to see a book about working motherhood that validated many of my thoughts and feelings.
Sarah Lacy is a successful technology journalist, writer, and business owner. I hadn’t heard of her prior to this book, but her words instantly resonated with me. The main point of this book is that though many view mothers as being weak in the workforce, tons of research has shown that mothers are in fact complete assets to the workforce. Studies have shown that women become more productive after becoming mothers, most notably after having multiple children. Despite that, there is much bias against mothers in the workplace and they often get turned down for promotions and opportunities because their motherhood is seen as a sign of weakness.
Lacy provided proof for the thoughts I’ve had in the nearly three years since becoming a mom. Luckily, I work in a female dominated field (librarianship), and don’t see any bias against women or mothers. However, I truly did see myself as becoming more productive and stronger after having my son. In fact, it was only AFTER I had Caleb that I received the biggest promotion of my career thus far (I was promoted from PT to FT and from assistant to librarian when Caleb was 1.5). Why? I credit the strength that motherhood gave me. Concrete proof: after I had my son, I forced myself out of my shell because I wanted to be the best person and mom I could be. I found my voice, asked for a meeting, presented my skills to my bosses, and found myself promoted shortly thereafter. If I had never become a mom, I might not have found that inner voice and strength I so desperately needed. This is still one of the proudest moments in my career and life.
Lacy gives voice to many of the thoughts that women have: I am constantly seeing women saying they’re looking for a job, have an interview, and need to hide their pregnancy. It’s seen as a liability, but as Lacy shows us, it shouldn’t be! Yes, women go out on a short maternity leave, but in the long run, they come back stronger and better than ever.
I’ve had many conflicting emotions about my own experience as a working mother. I often feel guilty that I’m missing time with my son. I also feel guilty sometimes that I ENJOY my career, take pride in it, and want to excel in it. I want to be successful in all areas of my life: as a mother, as a librarian, as a wife, sister, friend, aunt, and more. Lacy makes me feel a bit better about trying to have it all and do it all.
Some of this book was a bit out of my comfort zone: lots of business talk, mentions of Silicon Valley, entrepreneurship, venture capitalists, and more. Those aspects, and the feminist undertones, sometimes went a bit over my head. It was also a bit too political and preachy for me at times. Despite that, I learned a lot about business and Silicon Valley that I found very interesting. The parts I enjoyed the most, of course, were the parts that touched most heavily on what it means to be a working mother in today’s society.
I would definitely recommend this book to working moms with the caveat that there is a lot of business talk, and it has a feminist and political slant to it. For the most part, I enjoyed it though and found it to be empowering and insightful.
Sarah Lacy is a successful technology journalist, writer, and business owner. I hadn’t heard of her prior to this book, but her words instantly resonated with me. The main point of this book is that though many view mothers as being weak in the workforce, tons of research has shown that mothers are in fact complete assets to the workforce. Studies have shown that women become more productive after becoming mothers, most notably after having multiple children. Despite that, there is much bias against mothers in the workplace and they often get turned down for promotions and opportunities because their motherhood is seen as a sign of weakness.
Lacy provided proof for the thoughts I’ve had in the nearly three years since becoming a mom. Luckily, I work in a female dominated field (librarianship), and don’t see any bias against women or mothers. However, I truly did see myself as becoming more productive and stronger after having my son. In fact, it was only AFTER I had Caleb that I received the biggest promotion of my career thus far (I was promoted from PT to FT and from assistant to librarian when Caleb was 1.5). Why? I credit the strength that motherhood gave me. Concrete proof: after I had my son, I forced myself out of my shell because I wanted to be the best person and mom I could be. I found my voice, asked for a meeting, presented my skills to my bosses, and found myself promoted shortly thereafter. If I had never become a mom, I might not have found that inner voice and strength I so desperately needed. This is still one of the proudest moments in my career and life.
Lacy gives voice to many of the thoughts that women have: I am constantly seeing women saying they’re looking for a job, have an interview, and need to hide their pregnancy. It’s seen as a liability, but as Lacy shows us, it shouldn’t be! Yes, women go out on a short maternity leave, but in the long run, they come back stronger and better than ever.
I’ve had many conflicting emotions about my own experience as a working mother. I often feel guilty that I’m missing time with my son. I also feel guilty sometimes that I ENJOY my career, take pride in it, and want to excel in it. I want to be successful in all areas of my life: as a mother, as a librarian, as a wife, sister, friend, aunt, and more. Lacy makes me feel a bit better about trying to have it all and do it all.
Some of this book was a bit out of my comfort zone: lots of business talk, mentions of Silicon Valley, entrepreneurship, venture capitalists, and more. Those aspects, and the feminist undertones, sometimes went a bit over my head. It was also a bit too political and preachy for me at times. Despite that, I learned a lot about business and Silicon Valley that I found very interesting. The parts I enjoyed the most, of course, were the parts that touched most heavily on what it means to be a working mother in today’s society.
I would definitely recommend this book to working moms with the caveat that there is a lot of business talk, and it has a feminist and political slant to it. For the most part, I enjoyed it though and found it to be empowering and insightful.
January 17, 2022
Initially, I was going to give this book an extra star or two because there are some interesting parts, but by the end I could not do it. This book is not so much a feminist manifesto but a capitalist one.
The author and the women she interviewed were shocked when working in tech was not a meritocracy. At no point does the author accept that a meritocracy is inherently unfair. Not everyone can go to an Ivy League school. Under the current system, not everyone can go to a quality high school. Not everyone has a safe and secure childhood to achieve their top potential.
Working less is better for men and woman? Yeah, I noticed but none of these tech millionaires founded their first business on those principles. They always come later. As an hourly employee, this does not help me. I’m stressed financially if I don’t work seven days a week or stressed generally if I do.
This book is more for mothers. As a millennial tripped out of the gate by the recession and student loans, I may never have the resources or time to be a mother. That means I will be less productive to our capitalist overlords apparently, because according to this book being a mother makes one a better employee. Work is the end all be all.
Just listening to the audiobook it sounded like many of the quotes from rich women were direct or from prior interviews. What few quotes come from less wealthy women, like single mothers, reads as though they are from the work of other authors. It looks like the author could not be bothered to talk to people not in her wealthy set.
After this book, I think the author believes women in powerful positions will somehow empower us all. She praises the positive changes women could bring, but all of her examples follow the industry rules. What policies has Sheryl Sandberg really pushed to help women? Did Hillary Clinton actually have anything in her platform to directly help women? The alternative was undesirable, but how does a woman in charge enforcing the patriarchy help/empower women any better than the monster we had?
I could not decide if this book wanted to be an autobiography or a feminist empowerment book. It accomplished neither. The autobiographical stories were not introspective. The feminist help was scattered and mostly applied to mothers.
The author writes about the 2016 election and the Women’s March that followed. I do not care about a rich business owner’s politics. Her ability to control what she can is going to vastly outstrip what I can control. For most women, control what you can is not helpful advice. This epilogue just felt futile followed by random advice. I’m happy for the author and that she felt the Women’s March accomplished something, but the rest of us are still waiting.
Tell me, Ms. Lacy, how much maternity leave do your employees have? What is the gender makeup of your company? Your investors are the same ones perpetuating the unequal treatment of women working in tech. You benefit from their behavior. “Meritocracy” empowers patriarchy.
The author and the women she interviewed were shocked when working in tech was not a meritocracy. At no point does the author accept that a meritocracy is inherently unfair. Not everyone can go to an Ivy League school. Under the current system, not everyone can go to a quality high school. Not everyone has a safe and secure childhood to achieve their top potential.
Working less is better for men and woman? Yeah, I noticed but none of these tech millionaires founded their first business on those principles. They always come later. As an hourly employee, this does not help me. I’m stressed financially if I don’t work seven days a week or stressed generally if I do.
This book is more for mothers. As a millennial tripped out of the gate by the recession and student loans, I may never have the resources or time to be a mother. That means I will be less productive to our capitalist overlords apparently, because according to this book being a mother makes one a better employee. Work is the end all be all.
Just listening to the audiobook it sounded like many of the quotes from rich women were direct or from prior interviews. What few quotes come from less wealthy women, like single mothers, reads as though they are from the work of other authors. It looks like the author could not be bothered to talk to people not in her wealthy set.
After this book, I think the author believes women in powerful positions will somehow empower us all. She praises the positive changes women could bring, but all of her examples follow the industry rules. What policies has Sheryl Sandberg really pushed to help women? Did Hillary Clinton actually have anything in her platform to directly help women? The alternative was undesirable, but how does a woman in charge enforcing the patriarchy help/empower women any better than the monster we had?
I could not decide if this book wanted to be an autobiography or a feminist empowerment book. It accomplished neither. The autobiographical stories were not introspective. The feminist help was scattered and mostly applied to mothers.
The author writes about the 2016 election and the Women’s March that followed. I do not care about a rich business owner’s politics. Her ability to control what she can is going to vastly outstrip what I can control. For most women, control what you can is not helpful advice. This epilogue just felt futile followed by random advice. I’m happy for the author and that she felt the Women’s March accomplished something, but the rest of us are still waiting.
Tell me, Ms. Lacy, how much maternity leave do your employees have? What is the gender makeup of your company? Your investors are the same ones perpetuating the unequal treatment of women working in tech. You benefit from their behavior. “Meritocracy” empowers patriarchy.
August 27, 2020
Mother Or Not, This Is An Essential Feminist Read
I’ve made a point to highlight several important passages in this book, noting why women (mothers or not) need to read this book. Lacy says most of what I think when I see the double-standards placed on women by the patriarchy. We’re not allowed to have rights over our own bodies and yet when we try to have it all, we’re constantly doing more than our male-counterparts. We’re expected to ask permission to keep a career instead of our partners realizing we have just as much of a right to family and an education and a job as they do. Just because women are the ones who can have children, does not mean we’re not worth investing in professionally. Guess what? Having a family happens to both MEN and WOMEN. So why are women the ones who are punished with the mommy bias and having her career constantly impacted negatively? When men are seen as fathers, it is actually seen as a career positive for them. But that’s because it is assumed someone at home (mommy) is taking care of everything.
I support a woman’s choice to be a parent or not be a parent, to work outside of the home, or to be a domestic goddess. What I don’t support is having her right to choose what she wants to do taken away solely because of her gender; to have an antiquated gender stereotype or role forced onto her simply because she is a woman. Women have just as much of a right to do what they want as men. But we’re regularly fed misinformation from the patriarchy who are the ones trying to keep control. We’re judged and gaslit over the decisions we make. We are tricked into situations like ‘mommy wars’ which are bullshit games used to distract us from the real problem; the patriarchy.
This book reflects these injustices and more. I can’t do it any sort of justice other than to say it is well-written and eye opening.
I’ve made a point to highlight several important passages in this book, noting why women (mothers or not) need to read this book. Lacy says most of what I think when I see the double-standards placed on women by the patriarchy. We’re not allowed to have rights over our own bodies and yet when we try to have it all, we’re constantly doing more than our male-counterparts. We’re expected to ask permission to keep a career instead of our partners realizing we have just as much of a right to family and an education and a job as they do. Just because women are the ones who can have children, does not mean we’re not worth investing in professionally. Guess what? Having a family happens to both MEN and WOMEN. So why are women the ones who are punished with the mommy bias and having her career constantly impacted negatively? When men are seen as fathers, it is actually seen as a career positive for them. But that’s because it is assumed someone at home (mommy) is taking care of everything.
I support a woman’s choice to be a parent or not be a parent, to work outside of the home, or to be a domestic goddess. What I don’t support is having her right to choose what she wants to do taken away solely because of her gender; to have an antiquated gender stereotype or role forced onto her simply because she is a woman. Women have just as much of a right to do what they want as men. But we’re regularly fed misinformation from the patriarchy who are the ones trying to keep control. We’re judged and gaslit over the decisions we make. We are tricked into situations like ‘mommy wars’ which are bullshit games used to distract us from the real problem; the patriarchy.
This book reflects these injustices and more. I can’t do it any sort of justice other than to say it is well-written and eye opening.
January 13, 2018
Having bought this book when it was published I only just finally got around to reading it. I’m very glad I did - it is a deeply personal book more so perhaps than most technology industry books but as a father it is also a very recognizable story.
Full disclosure first - while not close to Sarah Lacy or Paul Carr I was (am to a limited degree) a part of the tech/blogging world when they were both at TechCrunch and I was there for many of the disrupts (usually with a free badge). I worked for various competitors of theirs but was was also a friend of Michael Arrington’s and many others in the tech and media worlds.
Reading this book of course was illuminating about so much that as an observer from afar I had no idea was happening.
More relevant this is a book that everyone - male or female, founder, investor or “just” an employee or manager should read. It is a quick read but it is also a reminder especially in light of the #metoo movement that has largely occurred after this book went to print of how far we as a society have to go around how we treat women (and this includes as the book makes clear how women treat themselves and others).
I’m in the early stages of a new venture and I definitely will make explicit as part of my new venture (and any companies we buy or invest in - the venture is a fund) that hiring women and minorities isn’t something to be done later. Nor is creating a workplace that supports parents optional.
I’m male but also a father of a four and a half year old - while every child I different I felt very personally the struggles depicted in this book but also the joys of parenting.
So read the book and then act upon it. Make changes to your own actions - and if you can to those of the company you keep.
Full disclosure first - while not close to Sarah Lacy or Paul Carr I was (am to a limited degree) a part of the tech/blogging world when they were both at TechCrunch and I was there for many of the disrupts (usually with a free badge). I worked for various competitors of theirs but was was also a friend of Michael Arrington’s and many others in the tech and media worlds.
Reading this book of course was illuminating about so much that as an observer from afar I had no idea was happening.
More relevant this is a book that everyone - male or female, founder, investor or “just” an employee or manager should read. It is a quick read but it is also a reminder especially in light of the #metoo movement that has largely occurred after this book went to print of how far we as a society have to go around how we treat women (and this includes as the book makes clear how women treat themselves and others).
I’m in the early stages of a new venture and I definitely will make explicit as part of my new venture (and any companies we buy or invest in - the venture is a fund) that hiring women and minorities isn’t something to be done later. Nor is creating a workplace that supports parents optional.
I’m male but also a father of a four and a half year old - while every child I different I felt very personally the struggles depicted in this book but also the joys of parenting.
So read the book and then act upon it. Make changes to your own actions - and if you can to those of the company you keep.
April 25, 2018
This book was engaging and the arguments compelling - well worth reading for everyone. I felt fired up by much of the data and found myself excited to dive in each night. The chapters on Iceland and China were particularly interesting - we have a ways to go for working moms/women, but I think we can get there.
Somewhere between 3.5-4 stars for me for a couple reasons. One, it is a bit jumpy and eclectic - part data driven arguments, part diving deep into her life, part her point of view not backed by data - none of this was bad but it didn’t feel cohesive to me; felt like a number of different essays meshed together. Two, it’s pretty Silicon Valley heavy which is just not the real world (I know that’s her experience but given the research she did, I would have liked different industries represented more). Three, I probably shouldn’t have, but I googled her and and in some instances she really doesn’t come off as a good person but as an entitled and mean one. Given the self-righteous white knight/whistleblower status she so relishes in, it’s kind of disappointing.
H/T Tori for the rec!
Somewhere between 3.5-4 stars for me for a couple reasons. One, it is a bit jumpy and eclectic - part data driven arguments, part diving deep into her life, part her point of view not backed by data - none of this was bad but it didn’t feel cohesive to me; felt like a number of different essays meshed together. Two, it’s pretty Silicon Valley heavy which is just not the real world (I know that’s her experience but given the research she did, I would have liked different industries represented more). Three, I probably shouldn’t have, but I googled her and and in some instances she really doesn’t come off as a good person but as an entitled and mean one. Given the self-righteous white knight/whistleblower status she so relishes in, it’s kind of disappointing.
H/T Tori for the rec!
January 25, 2019
First few chapters were great, for me personally, because I am an expecting first time mom. Great insight and stats on the 'Maternal Wall'. I felt the book took a detour through her issues with Uber and had a lot of name dropping of silicon valley VPs. It then went in to how she thought her divorce was one of the best things to happen to her besides her two kids. Which then transitioned to statistics on single-city-moms, then to Iceland, and China. It seemed a bit disjointed towards the end but definitely highlighted the fact that 40% of Americans don't think women should be working. Which is a shocking, and scary statistic. My biggest take away from this read is that I will not feel guilty for taking my time with my leave nor going back to work. The patriarchy wants you to feel like you can't be a good mom and a good employee. Being a mother isn't a hindrance to your career, and we all need to start waking up to that fact. Statistics show that moms are actually more productive and better problem solvers than their single counterparts. And that hiring a mother (or a women, for that matter) should be viewed as a good thing, not a ticking bomb.
December 20, 2020
This is part memoir and part research on moms in the workforce. I did not know who Sarah Lacy is before reading this, and didn't realize that she is an influential tech journalist. While she covers ground I've read before, only because I love reading books on this topic, and she's a middle class white woman, like me, she does touch on how the patriarchy affects women of color which does not come up often in books like these. She also brought up how often women end up as the number 2 in companies and are more likely to be brought in as the number 1 when companies are failing than men. She does not mince her words when it comes to things that hold women back in the workforce while also showing why being a mom only makes you a better employee, plus I loved the title. Probably the quote that stayed with me was in the epilogue, " . . . the bizarre position that women are in where the uterus is both so sacred they can't be trusted with it, yet so dismissed that men shouldn't pay for prenatal care and we don't deserve maternity leave, equal pay, or childcare subsidies for young children." (279).
September 20, 2023
While I liked her story and grit and it ignited the feminist in me, I felt overall the book was lacking in a few spaces:
1. Where is the guide as the title suggests? The epilogue is really the only place where there's direct actionable items acting as a guide for working women. The book sprinkles it throughout a bit here and there but it's not as straightforward as I would have preferred based on the title
2. It focuses a lot on women with children and those that are in senior positions. Felt hard to relate and doesn't really show how to get to those levels, just throws out facts that's it's super hard for women.
3. There wasn't much cohesion and felt like the author jumped around a lot.
I don't normally read self-help style books but with the state of our world in the US and as a working woman, I felt the urge to educate myself a little more. Learned some things and didn't hate it, but it didn't fully meet my expectations.
1. Where is the guide as the title suggests? The epilogue is really the only place where there's direct actionable items acting as a guide for working women. The book sprinkles it throughout a bit here and there but it's not as straightforward as I would have preferred based on the title
2. It focuses a lot on women with children and those that are in senior positions. Felt hard to relate and doesn't really show how to get to those levels, just throws out facts that's it's super hard for women.
3. There wasn't much cohesion and felt like the author jumped around a lot.
I don't normally read self-help style books but with the state of our world in the US and as a working woman, I felt the urge to educate myself a little more. Learned some things and didn't hate it, but it didn't fully meet my expectations.
September 9, 2018
This was good, but parts of it I didn't like. The beginning was great, and the end was very good, but the middle part wasn't that interesting to me, and seemed "complaining". She seemed a little "man-bashing", during discussing the context of her divorce and throughout other parts of the book. Additionally, she's very honest, and that's good, but can come across harsh (which is exactly what she says is a problem, with people thinking women who are bold are harsh - I get it!). She definitely lays out the problem that women need to overcome in the workforce at this point of time in Silicon Valley.
I liked how she had some practical tips on how to keep all your plates spinning as a mom and as a executive, and how she shared her journey honestly through both the struggles and successes. She's a person that I think I'd like to meet in person one day.
I liked how she had some practical tips on how to keep all your plates spinning as a mom and as a executive, and how she shared her journey honestly through both the struggles and successes. She's a person that I think I'd like to meet in person one day.
March 17, 2025
I wanted more from this book.
I wanted some day to day examples (schedules, tips, recipes, etc.). Instead I just got a whole lot of tech company jargon (she works in Silicon Valley), some statistics on sexism is America and other countries (Chapter 15 was quite interesting as was chapter 16) and then a lot of narrative about her nanny, her night nurse and her company she founded .....
This is not to take away from any of her accomplishments as a woman because that's the whole point of this book. BUT the lifestyle she has and is able to maintain is not the same for everyone who is going to pick up this book.
This book was just okay; I felt it was too long, took me a long time to read it and it just wasn't what I wanted.
Also I'll say it again: if you're a very Staunch conservative- this may not be the book for you. Or maybe it's the perfect book for you? (If you're a male).
I wanted some day to day examples (schedules, tips, recipes, etc.). Instead I just got a whole lot of tech company jargon (she works in Silicon Valley), some statistics on sexism is America and other countries (Chapter 15 was quite interesting as was chapter 16) and then a lot of narrative about her nanny, her night nurse and her company she founded .....
This is not to take away from any of her accomplishments as a woman because that's the whole point of this book. BUT the lifestyle she has and is able to maintain is not the same for everyone who is going to pick up this book.
This book was just okay; I felt it was too long, took me a long time to read it and it just wasn't what I wanted.
Also I'll say it again: if you're a very Staunch conservative- this may not be the book for you. Or maybe it's the perfect book for you? (If you're a male).
May 21, 2020
Cabe mencionar que me ha encantado el formato utilizado por la autora, pero también cómo lo ha plasmado la editorial, haciendo que la lectura resulte ágil dado el género que es.
La autora utiliza mucho el sarcasmo, pero también la más profunda honestidad en las experiencias que describe, de una manera muy ligera pero efectiva.
Cualquier mujer se puede sentir identificada con las experiencias como mujer que narra la autora, si bien se centra en un lugar concreto (EEUU), donde la cultura laboral es distinta a la nuestra (España).
Esta lectura me ha ayudado a confirmar en qué clase de sistema vivimos las mujeres, pero también que tenemos el deber de reafirmar quiénes de verdad somos y luchar contra los que asumen lo que somos en base a nuestras circunstancias.
La autora utiliza mucho el sarcasmo, pero también la más profunda honestidad en las experiencias que describe, de una manera muy ligera pero efectiva.
Cualquier mujer se puede sentir identificada con las experiencias como mujer que narra la autora, si bien se centra en un lugar concreto (EEUU), donde la cultura laboral es distinta a la nuestra (España).
Esta lectura me ha ayudado a confirmar en qué clase de sistema vivimos las mujeres, pero también que tenemos el deber de reafirmar quiénes de verdad somos y luchar contra los que asumen lo que somos en base a nuestras circunstancias.
December 31, 2017
it might seem to be preaching to the choir...
it is giving voice and focus to the choir.
it is not heavy handed
it may have a bit too much of the author in it (journalists do not seem to insert themselves into their articles) the insertion of the author into this a)makes it a narrative that b) gives a frame work and catalyst to all that is involved into this book c) the author is sociologist minus the title
the question is how to get others (those not in the choir)to read/listen/understand.
as with the 'working woman' part of the title... all woman work.... stay at home moms... full time students...even the 1% (right?)
my voice has been given must missed volume... time to go sing.
it is giving voice and focus to the choir.
it is not heavy handed
it may have a bit too much of the author in it (journalists do not seem to insert themselves into their articles) the insertion of the author into this a)makes it a narrative that b) gives a frame work and catalyst to all that is involved into this book c) the author is sociologist minus the title
the question is how to get others (those not in the choir)to read/listen/understand.
as with the 'working woman' part of the title... all woman work.... stay at home moms... full time students...even the 1% (right?)
my voice has been given must missed volume... time to go sing.
February 25, 2018
This book has made me question the silicon valley workaholic culture that I feel like I'm addicted to. As a young male from Australia, I'm may not be an obvious target, but Sarah has exposed me to the bias and subconscious actions that I didn't realize where occurring, even by myself. She lays out a compelling case why dealing with these societal biases and supporting working mothers has an economic benefit to companies that are smart enough - if we can't 'afford' to solve this in the tech community, then we aren't prioritizing it enough.
March 13, 2018
A great read which left me wanting to smash the patriarchy. My big qualm is that she focuses so much on motherhood being the key to this inner power. There is a little bit on "potential motherhood" working as well, but what about women who don't have that potential and do not possess a uterus (both transgender and cis women). Lacy could have been more inclusive regarding transgender women but I do appreciate that she talks about supporting women of colour. Definitely worth reading.
April 27, 2018
Hum. I have a lot of opinions on this topic. I won't get into those. I'll say that this is really well written and most people should read it if you are in the tech world. That said, I think Sarah Lacy is downplaying just how difficult it is to be a woman in tech, particularly technical leadership. She cites facts, but her own life story is displayed with such a sense of optimism and energy that it takes away from the struggle.
July 28, 2018
I really liked this one. Not every page was amazing but it is a solid read and a solid reminder of why we are often feeling so disheartened at work. The overarching theme is "its not you. this is real" and it gives dozens of anecdotes and suggestions for change. The epilogue at the end was as good as the Abby Wombach commencement speech. I didn't know who Sarah Lacy was before reading this but I won't forget her now.
August 18, 2019
Where was this when I was working?
Excellent introduction to women and working and motherhood and fighting the patriarchy that pushes Every Woman down. Filled with details so we can understand what has happened. Details about other countries where women and work are not Rules by patriarchy. And ideas about what we might do to move out from under the patriarchy. All while telling the Vivid story of this one woman and her fight.
Excellent introduction to women and working and motherhood and fighting the patriarchy that pushes Every Woman down. Filled with details so we can understand what has happened. Details about other countries where women and work are not Rules by patriarchy. And ideas about what we might do to move out from under the patriarchy. All while telling the Vivid story of this one woman and her fight.
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