What do you think?
Rate this book
What to Do When I'm Gone: A Mother's Wisdom to Her Daughter
A mother’s advice to her daughter—a guide to daily living, both practical and sublime—with full-color illustrations throughout.
One sleepless night while she was in her early twenties, illustrator/writer Hallie Bateman had a painful realization: Someday, her mother would be gone. The prospect was devastating, and also scary—how would she navigate the world without the person who gave her life? She thought about all the motherly advice she would miss—advice that could help her through the challenges to come, including the ordeal of losing a parent.
The next day, Hallie asked her mother, writer Suzy Hopkins, to record step-by-step instructions for her to follow in the event of her mom’s death. The list began: “Pour yourself a stiff glass of whiskey and make some fajitas” and continued from there, addressing issues great and small—from choosing a life partner to baking a quiche. The project became a way for mother and daughter to discuss everyday realities with humor, openness, and gratitude. It led to this book.
Combining Suzy’s witty and heartfelt advice with Hallie’s quirky and colorful style, What to Do When I’m Gone is the illustrated instruction manual for getting through life without one’s mom. It’s also a poignant look at loss, love, and taking things one moment at a time. By turns whimsical, funny, touching, and pragmatic, it will leave readers laughing and teary-eyed. And it will spur conversations that enrich family members’ understanding of one another.
One sleepless night while she was in her early twenties, illustrator/writer Hallie Bateman had a painful realization: Someday, her mother would be gone. The prospect was devastating, and also scary—how would she navigate the world without the person who gave her life? She thought about all the motherly advice she would miss—advice that could help her through the challenges to come, including the ordeal of losing a parent.
The next day, Hallie asked her mother, writer Suzy Hopkins, to record step-by-step instructions for her to follow in the event of her mom’s death. The list began: “Pour yourself a stiff glass of whiskey and make some fajitas” and continued from there, addressing issues great and small—from choosing a life partner to baking a quiche. The project became a way for mother and daughter to discuss everyday realities with humor, openness, and gratitude. It led to this book.
Combining Suzy’s witty and heartfelt advice with Hallie’s quirky and colorful style, What to Do When I’m Gone is the illustrated instruction manual for getting through life without one’s mom. It’s also a poignant look at loss, love, and taking things one moment at a time. By turns whimsical, funny, touching, and pragmatic, it will leave readers laughing and teary-eyed. And it will spur conversations that enrich family members’ understanding of one another.
144 pages, Hardcover
First published April 3, 2018
470 people are currently reading
9937 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 622 reviews
April 6, 2018
I lost my mom to cancer a year and a half ago, and as a young adult woman, I can honestly say it is one of the hardest experiences to live through. I saw this book by chance at Barnes & Noble while out shopping with a friend, and I immediately felt a push. I just had to get it.
When I got home, I hesitated for a while, but finally got up the courage to start reading. I couldn't put it down, not through the tears or the laughter, not once. It is so genuine and universal, yet deeply personal. The art is beautiful, and each page is a reminder and affirmation of life and love and the unbreakable bond between those of us lucky enough to be close to our loving moms, no matter the length of our time together.
It was exactly what I needed, and it came into my life at just the right time for me to be able to handle it. I heard echoes of my mother in the pages of this book and I felt her spirit with me as I turned each page. I know that she was the one who nudged me toward it in the store, guiding me to what she knew I needed in my life at this time. She didn't have the chance to write her own advice to me, but this book is the next best thing.
I'm so grateful to Suzy Hopkins and Hallie Bateman for writing this book and sharing it with the world. I know it will be an invaluable resource to me as I continue to move forward with my own life without my mom.
When I got home, I hesitated for a while, but finally got up the courage to start reading. I couldn't put it down, not through the tears or the laughter, not once. It is so genuine and universal, yet deeply personal. The art is beautiful, and each page is a reminder and affirmation of life and love and the unbreakable bond between those of us lucky enough to be close to our loving moms, no matter the length of our time together.
It was exactly what I needed, and it came into my life at just the right time for me to be able to handle it. I heard echoes of my mother in the pages of this book and I felt her spirit with me as I turned each page. I know that she was the one who nudged me toward it in the store, guiding me to what she knew I needed in my life at this time. She didn't have the chance to write her own advice to me, but this book is the next best thing.
I'm so grateful to Suzy Hopkins and Hallie Bateman for writing this book and sharing it with the world. I know it will be an invaluable resource to me as I continue to move forward with my own life without my mom.
June 11, 2018
Beautiful, unique, and relative. I found myself wishing that this was a mandatory requirement for anyone that I am close to.
June 16, 2019
A beautiful, emotional read. Short - but worth the time to really savor.
May 5, 2021
A sweet little book from a mother to her daughter on how to tackle life after the mother has passed away. The advice covers a whole range of topics, and is given in a heartfelt yet humorous way. As a typical mom would, the advice also includes feel-good recipes.
I enjoyed the broad feel of the book, even if I couldn't connect personally to a lot of the advice. (Blame this on my current state of mind, not on the book.) It is heart-warming, it is funny, it is philosophical, it is practical; most importantly (for self-help phobics such as yours truly!), it’s not structured like a typical self-help or inspirational book. In spite of the grim title, it is a nice book to have in your hands in times of grief. The illustrations are really pretty and add to the charm of the advice. I haven’t read anything like this book, and I doubt I ever will. That uniqueness is its biggest USP.
Three of the passages that struck me really hard in this graphic novel:
1. "Why go on if we all just die in the end? There’s a great reason. If you knew you were going to live forever, imagine how much time you’d waste. Amazing things can happen when there’s a deadline looming."
That's such an amazing thought. So many pessimists keep raising questions on the purpose of existence. But the point is that you don't have to exist, you need to live. And living under a deadline sounds like the right kind of kick you require to get your life back into form.
2. "Your mind sometimes takes you places you don’t want to go. Tune it out: Listen to a great song with the volume turned up to drown out that infernal internal screaming. If someone you care about is nearby, consider using headphones.
Better yet, read a great book. Let it transport you to another place and time, which—when you finally close your eyes—may help you appreciate where you are right now."
This is what has been helping me over the last year: books and music to drown out the external chaos. There's nothing in the world like books and music to help you forget the blues, at least for a few minutes. It made my heart glad to see this declaration in a book.
3. "Absent a nuclear war or global pandemic, you are in a more privileged position than any generation in history."
Ouch! I bet neither of the authors thought a global pandemic would actually come into being a couple of years after the book. We are privileged, in spite of what is happening all around. We need to focus on small blessings for now as every single day is precious. God willing, we will be able to count ourselves as survivors in the long run.
I wasn’t as moved by this book as I had expected to, and that’s the only reason for the deducted star. I suppose I wanted more. Greedy me!
***********************
Join me on the Facebook group, Readers Forever! , for more reviews, book-related discussions and fun.
Follow me on Instagram: RoshReviews
I enjoyed the broad feel of the book, even if I couldn't connect personally to a lot of the advice. (Blame this on my current state of mind, not on the book.) It is heart-warming, it is funny, it is philosophical, it is practical; most importantly (for self-help phobics such as yours truly!), it’s not structured like a typical self-help or inspirational book. In spite of the grim title, it is a nice book to have in your hands in times of grief. The illustrations are really pretty and add to the charm of the advice. I haven’t read anything like this book, and I doubt I ever will. That uniqueness is its biggest USP.
Three of the passages that struck me really hard in this graphic novel:
1. "Why go on if we all just die in the end? There’s a great reason. If you knew you were going to live forever, imagine how much time you’d waste. Amazing things can happen when there’s a deadline looming."
That's such an amazing thought. So many pessimists keep raising questions on the purpose of existence. But the point is that you don't have to exist, you need to live. And living under a deadline sounds like the right kind of kick you require to get your life back into form.
2. "Your mind sometimes takes you places you don’t want to go. Tune it out: Listen to a great song with the volume turned up to drown out that infernal internal screaming. If someone you care about is nearby, consider using headphones.
Better yet, read a great book. Let it transport you to another place and time, which—when you finally close your eyes—may help you appreciate where you are right now."
This is what has been helping me over the last year: books and music to drown out the external chaos. There's nothing in the world like books and music to help you forget the blues, at least for a few minutes. It made my heart glad to see this declaration in a book.
3. "Absent a nuclear war or global pandemic, you are in a more privileged position than any generation in history."
Ouch! I bet neither of the authors thought a global pandemic would actually come into being a couple of years after the book. We are privileged, in spite of what is happening all around. We need to focus on small blessings for now as every single day is precious. God willing, we will be able to count ourselves as survivors in the long run.
I wasn’t as moved by this book as I had expected to, and that’s the only reason for the deducted star. I suppose I wanted more. Greedy me!
***********************
Join me on the Facebook group, Readers Forever! , for more reviews, book-related discussions and fun.
Follow me on Instagram: RoshReviews
October 21, 2021
A mother and daughter collaborate and make a surviving your mums death guide. A sweet book of advice on grief and life. There were parts I liked and the art was pretty good but I’d only give it 2.5 stars. It was a cool idea that I think could have been done much better. For such a deep subject it was lacking depth and real feeling. It was also super middle class and formulaic in its expectations of what death and growing up are like. Very rose coloured glasses. My experiences of my mums death and the 4 years since have been nothing like this. It doesn’t capture the hopelessness, the unfairness, the anger. Grief can fuck you up.
June 30, 2018
This is a book that I think most people would pick up after they lose their mom, but I think it would work better the other way around. Here's the thing. When you lose your mom (assuming you were close), you'll probably feel desperate to feel a sense of connection to her again. What I didn't expect about a post-Mom world is how empty the spot that used to hold her feels. The absence is profound. It's shocking. So the idea of this book, a how to move forward manual from your mom, that's a really appealing idea. I would give anything to get my mom's advice about how to deal with life now that she's gone. And that's why I think reading this after the loss is the wrong way around.
The advice in this book is probably really sound, but from where I sit it doesn't really matter. Because in the middle of grief what I want is my mom. And this book isn't in my mom's voice. The situations are familiar - the initial shock and numbness and the pain when you realize that this is now The Way Things Are. But the advice doesn't sound like my mom. Instead of feeling comforted, I feel upset that I didn't talk to her about this stuff when I had the chance.
So here's my advice to people who love their moms and haven't lost them yet: read this book now. Or soon. Before you think you need to. It's going to suck, probably. It'll be uncomfortable and upsetting and unpleasant, probably. But reading this book now will give you the opportunity to think about what you might want or need after your mom goes. And since she's still here, you'll be able to talk to her about it. You'll be able to ask what songs she would want at her funeral, and how to make grandma's chocolate mousse layer cake, and where she stashed all her childhood photos. It might feel morbid to do it now, but take it from me. If you don't do it before you think you need to, you'll wind up feeling sad and wishing, more than anything, that you'd done it.
The advice in this book is probably really sound, but from where I sit it doesn't really matter. Because in the middle of grief what I want is my mom. And this book isn't in my mom's voice. The situations are familiar - the initial shock and numbness and the pain when you realize that this is now The Way Things Are. But the advice doesn't sound like my mom. Instead of feeling comforted, I feel upset that I didn't talk to her about this stuff when I had the chance.
So here's my advice to people who love their moms and haven't lost them yet: read this book now. Or soon. Before you think you need to. It's going to suck, probably. It'll be uncomfortable and upsetting and unpleasant, probably. But reading this book now will give you the opportunity to think about what you might want or need after your mom goes. And since she's still here, you'll be able to talk to her about it. You'll be able to ask what songs she would want at her funeral, and how to make grandma's chocolate mousse layer cake, and where she stashed all her childhood photos. It might feel morbid to do it now, but take it from me. If you don't do it before you think you need to, you'll wind up feeling sad and wishing, more than anything, that you'd done it.
November 15, 2019
3 days before my 18th, cancer took my Mak away at the age of 54. She loved the house, her orchids and her recipe books - she was an excellent cook and gardener. When she died, I took her recipe books and one of her favorite tops and 24 years later, I still treasure them.
Death came too many times these couple of years, taking family members and friends. During the latest in April, I finally noticed the effects on the twins so pic and I decided to take actions to address/discuss/talk about this inevitable event with them, make arrangements for our own journey and for the beloved 4 that we'll leave behind. We are also working on the after death projects for them and this book added some good ideas. I might have to look for an illustrator, stick drawings might give them different ideas.
My greatest wish to all 4, for them to be good humans - like my Abah[their grandfather]
and to love books for as long as they shall live.
How do I say good-bye to them? How do I sum up in words the depth of my love for my happily ever after?
Not an easy subject to tackle but it needs to be done.
One thing for sure, I left a specific instruction to my trustworthy sister to salt then burn my kindle, tabs and phone once she received my death notification.
Death came too many times these couple of years, taking family members and friends. During the latest in April, I finally noticed the effects on the twins so pic and I decided to take actions to address/discuss/talk about this inevitable event with them, make arrangements for our own journey and for the beloved 4 that we'll leave behind. We are also working on the after death projects for them and this book added some good ideas. I might have to look for an illustrator, stick drawings might give them different ideas.
My greatest wish to all 4, for them to be good humans - like my Abah[their grandfather]
and to love books for as long as they shall live.
How do I say good-bye to them? How do I sum up in words the depth of my love for my happily ever after?
Not an easy subject to tackle but it needs to be done.
One thing for sure, I left a specific instruction to my trustworthy sister to salt then burn my kindle, tabs and phone once she received my death notification.
June 5, 2022
Great graphic novel with much wisdom just to read or to share and maybe both. I wasn't into the recipes much but that is a personal quirk.
My mother died almost 2 years ago and I find it harder as time goes by. This book puts common sense and humor into how one can deal with the death of another and prepare our children for our own. Loved it.
My mother died almost 2 years ago and I find it harder as time goes by. This book puts common sense and humor into how one can deal with the death of another and prepare our children for our own. Loved it.
August 6, 2018
I’m not quite sure why I put myself through this, but despite it being tough for me to read right now, this is a really lovely book.
Illustrator Hallie, when coming to the realization that one day her Mum would be gone, asks her to write a step-by-step guide on how to get along without her when she dies. And here it is, accompanied by Hallie’s illustrations. It’s sweet, moving, funny and heart-warming.
I found this a tough read and had lots of tears. My mum has advanced early-onset Alzheimer’s so I have already lost my mum in many ways. She’s still here but I already miss her.
Illustrator Hallie, when coming to the realization that one day her Mum would be gone, asks her to write a step-by-step guide on how to get along without her when she dies. And here it is, accompanied by Hallie’s illustrations. It’s sweet, moving, funny and heart-warming.
I found this a tough read and had lots of tears. My mum has advanced early-onset Alzheimer’s so I have already lost my mum in many ways. She’s still here but I already miss her.
November 20, 2022
When I was a kid and fears of death came to me in the night, I’d wake up my
mom and she would console me.
Am I going to die?
Yes, but not for a long, long, long time.
Are you going to die?
Yes, but not for a long, long time.
🌼You guys.....YOU GUYYYYYYSSSSSS, this book is not what I expected. TOTALLY NOT A TEARJERKER
🌼It's NOT what you are thinking either. It's...... this book is FUNNY-AS-HELL.
🌼I mean, yeah, it did make me emotional in the beginning, but by page 80 I was hysterical man!
🌼The author is very realistic and funny.
🔯Let's see what it's about-
✅BASIC DETAILS-
🌼This book 250 pages, but its actually 60 only because more than half book is just EXTREMELY FUNNY comic stripes.
❎CHAPTER 1-DAY 1: Make fajitas
🥺(There's whole recipe given in the book!😛😋)
❎CHAPTER LAST-DAY 20,000: Plan your dream death
My thoughts(gibberish and helpful details)-
🌼Yes, I admit, I have thought about what will happen to me when my mother will die.
🌼Do I get along with mom? BIG NO. She is 50 you guys, I am 22 , the only thing common in us is our last names, and that's IT!
🌼We don't share similar tastes in songs, clothes, celebrities, food, political opinions, how the clothes should be folded, women's rights, buying gifts, pointing out my dad's faults, love, relationships, how beds should be made, when should it rain, sports, what to cook.
🌼But-
🌼Yeah, to this date, I STILL need advice from my mom when I get periods.
🌼When I think about the aftermath, I am scared because, when I go out of my house, I literally don't know what to do.
🌼My mom still buys my clothes for me, I'm embarrassed to say this but she still picks the lingerie colors, because...... because she can. Because she knows EVERYTHING.
🌼I do argue with my mom on everything but at the same time I ALSO know that things that don't involve pop culture brain can be done only by my mom.
🌼Okay, enough about me, I have revealed too much as it is already. Let's talk about this book-
DAY 3: Brush the dog
Get all the tangles out of his fur. It’s not the dog’s fault I died.
🌼I swear to god this author is the author of all the authors.
🌼You know what guys? People have written books before about coping from death of a loved one, and honestly , I have never read nay of those books before, but I think this right here is the ultimate book.
🌼That's because, it's - Short.
It's smart.
There are literally wisdom of 100 years in a single paragraph-
DAY 5: Clean your house
You are numb. It’s time to put your home in order. Give everything a place.
Make it make sense. Make your room the exact opposite of the randomness
of existence, the mercilessness of mortality
“Oh no, I yelled at my mother the last conversation we ever had.”
That’s OK. You had no way of knowing it was the last time we’d talk. Feel
bad, feel sad, roll on.
🌼I wish I could quote more from this book, but I won't because ....... some secrets should not be revealed ........
🌼Anyways,
🌼Guys, I never pressurize you to read books, but I think that this book is one of those which you SHOULD MOST DEFINITELY read because if you don't have a mother, then this book will help immensely.
🌼It's realistic, non-imaginary. True. Shockingly real to the real(whatever that means)
🌼I was so taken aback by it's straightforwardness and lessons because these are the lessons that I have only ever heard from my mom.
🌼And to see it on a book, on page, it was........
🌼You know how sometimes a book is so beautiful , that you have great difficulty is describing it. Because I feel my review could never do justice to this book.
The point is: My story could have ended in a million ways. It doesn’t matter
which one. If you asked a bunch of dead people if they were happy with how
they died, I’m guessing most would want to rewrite their endings, too.
However it happened, dead is dead. Go to the movies and get some popcorn.
🌼I am sorry, you can DM me if you need more details, but because of language barrier I have a hard time describing you more because it's gonna make the review long and I have run out of words to say more.(Stupid English!)
If you lose someone important to you, you should try to replace that person.
Because if you live your life losing and not replacing, you’ll end up at zero.
I’m not saying you can replace your mother, and it won’t necessarily be an
even trade, but I’d like you to try.
🌼With every page as I read, I was shocked by the lessons the author gave to her daughter.
🌼PLEASE read this book, it's very helpful.
⏺It has relationship advice.
⏺Job advice.
⏺Cooking advice(Super tasty 5-6 recipes.)
⏺Funny dialogues.
⏺Life goals advice.
⏺Immortality advice.😆
⏺Courier advice.
⏺Parenting advice.
⏺Literally everything you can and cannot think of. There's even advice on how to plan your death.
mom and she would console me.
Am I going to die?
Yes, but not for a long, long, long time.
Are you going to die?
Yes, but not for a long, long time.
🌼You guys.....YOU GUYYYYYYSSSSSS, this book is not what I expected. TOTALLY NOT A TEARJERKER
🌼It's NOT what you are thinking either. It's...... this book is FUNNY-AS-HELL.
🌼I mean, yeah, it did make me emotional in the beginning, but by page 80 I was hysterical man!
🌼The author is very realistic and funny.
🔯Let's see what it's about-
✅BASIC DETAILS-
🌼This book 250 pages, but its actually 60 only because more than half book is just EXTREMELY FUNNY comic stripes.
❎CHAPTER 1-DAY 1: Make fajitas
🥺(There's whole recipe given in the book!😛😋)
❎CHAPTER LAST-DAY 20,000: Plan your dream death
My thoughts(gibberish and helpful details)-
🌼Yes, I admit, I have thought about what will happen to me when my mother will die.
🌼Do I get along with mom? BIG NO. She is 50 you guys, I am 22 , the only thing common in us is our last names, and that's IT!
🌼We don't share similar tastes in songs, clothes, celebrities, food, political opinions, how the clothes should be folded, women's rights, buying gifts, pointing out my dad's faults, love, relationships, how beds should be made, when should it rain, sports, what to cook.
🌼But-
🌼Yeah, to this date, I STILL need advice from my mom when I get periods.
🌼When I think about the aftermath, I am scared because, when I go out of my house, I literally don't know what to do.
🌼My mom still buys my clothes for me, I'm embarrassed to say this but she still picks the lingerie colors, because...... because she can. Because she knows EVERYTHING.
🌼I do argue with my mom on everything but at the same time I ALSO know that things that don't involve pop culture brain can be done only by my mom.
🌼Okay, enough about me, I have revealed too much as it is already. Let's talk about this book-
DAY 3: Brush the dog
Get all the tangles out of his fur. It’s not the dog’s fault I died.
🌼I swear to god this author is the author of all the authors.
🌼You know what guys? People have written books before about coping from death of a loved one, and honestly , I have never read nay of those books before, but I think this right here is the ultimate book.
🌼That's because, it's - Short.
It's smart.
There are literally wisdom of 100 years in a single paragraph-
DAY 5: Clean your house
You are numb. It’s time to put your home in order. Give everything a place.
Make it make sense. Make your room the exact opposite of the randomness
of existence, the mercilessness of mortality
“Oh no, I yelled at my mother the last conversation we ever had.”
That’s OK. You had no way of knowing it was the last time we’d talk. Feel
bad, feel sad, roll on.
🌼I wish I could quote more from this book, but I won't because ....... some secrets should not be revealed ........
🌼Anyways,
🌼Guys, I never pressurize you to read books, but I think that this book is one of those which you SHOULD MOST DEFINITELY read because if you don't have a mother, then this book will help immensely.
🌼It's realistic, non-imaginary. True. Shockingly real to the real(whatever that means)
🌼I was so taken aback by it's straightforwardness and lessons because these are the lessons that I have only ever heard from my mom.
🌼And to see it on a book, on page, it was........
🌼You know how sometimes a book is so beautiful , that you have great difficulty is describing it. Because I feel my review could never do justice to this book.
The point is: My story could have ended in a million ways. It doesn’t matter
which one. If you asked a bunch of dead people if they were happy with how
they died, I’m guessing most would want to rewrite their endings, too.
However it happened, dead is dead. Go to the movies and get some popcorn.
🌼I am sorry, you can DM me if you need more details, but because of language barrier I have a hard time describing you more because it's gonna make the review long and I have run out of words to say more.(Stupid English!)
If you lose someone important to you, you should try to replace that person.
Because if you live your life losing and not replacing, you’ll end up at zero.
I’m not saying you can replace your mother, and it won’t necessarily be an
even trade, but I’d like you to try.
🌼With every page as I read, I was shocked by the lessons the author gave to her daughter.
🌼PLEASE read this book, it's very helpful.
⏺It has relationship advice.
⏺Job advice.
⏺Cooking advice(Super tasty 5-6 recipes.)
⏺Funny dialogues.
⏺Life goals advice.
⏺Immortality advice.😆
⏺Courier advice.
⏺Parenting advice.
⏺Literally everything you can and cannot think of. There's even advice on how to plan your death.
June 23, 2018
Hopefully I won't need this book for a long time, but the artist's fears are very relatable. I saw this at the library and had to check it out - I had first heard about it somewhere I forget but it had grabbed my interest. The book is beautifully done and had plenty of light humor thrown in to help prevent you from bawling your eyes out, which fortunately I narrowly avoided. If you have a close relationship with your mom, whether she's still around or not, I definitely recommend this book.
February 27, 2021
I'm not big on inspirational and self-help books, but I stumbled across this one because I thought it was a graphic novel. It is generously illustrated on each page by the author's daughter and has a few word balloons scattered throughout, but it is mostly told in small blocks of typeset text.
I found myself surprised by how much the mother's advice to her daughter aligned with what I would probably tell my own daughter. And it was pretty humorous throughout despite the heavy concept. Though it maybe didn't need so many recipes.
I found myself surprised by how much the mother's advice to her daughter aligned with what I would probably tell my own daughter. And it was pretty humorous throughout despite the heavy concept. Though it maybe didn't need so many recipes.
January 19, 2019
Funny, cute and at times sad. Traits i never thought that could exist at the same time, in a graphic book about death of the most important woman in our lives: Our moms. Worth the excellent rating that it received!
Read
September 18, 2019My mom passed from cancer fifteen years ago and sometimes I still want to talk to her.
Some of this advice is serious and some is silly, but it all rings true. If you still have a mom, go give her a hug and count your blessings.
Some of this advice is serious and some is silly, but it all rings true. If you still have a mom, go give her a hug and count your blessings.
August 22, 2018
Ehh... meant to be touching, but too predictable for me. I am sure it would offer comfort to many people who are grieving, but I found it too trite for my tastes.
July 28, 2020
I stumbled upon this book not too long after my own mother died, and in an effort to fill the gaping hole a loss like that leaves behind, took it home. I took my time with it, and read it pretty slowly, only reading through a few days' worth of instructions at a time.
While my mother and Hopkins' mother don't really seem to be similar people, it was easy to imagine my mother would have made some of the same suggestions offered in this book. I think all good parents want pretty much the same kinds of things for their children, so it works. It's like a little instruction manual for ways to keep on living when you've lost your mom, and I think it's useful no matter what age you are when you do. Everything from bubble baths, to recipes, to going out with other people is covered, and I definitely cried plenty of times while reading it. I'd suggest it even for someone who hasn't yet lost their parent(s), because I think it helps offer some insight into what that's like. Additionally, if you haven't lost them yet, it might be cool to talk with them about doing something similar for you. If I'd been fortunate enough to find this book before my mom had died, I definitely would have asked her to. I didn't, and I think a lot of people don't, realize how marooned you can feel in that situation, and if nothing else, I think this book does a good job of shedding a little light on that.
I'm glad I found it when I did.
While my mother and Hopkins' mother don't really seem to be similar people, it was easy to imagine my mother would have made some of the same suggestions offered in this book. I think all good parents want pretty much the same kinds of things for their children, so it works. It's like a little instruction manual for ways to keep on living when you've lost your mom, and I think it's useful no matter what age you are when you do. Everything from bubble baths, to recipes, to going out with other people is covered, and I definitely cried plenty of times while reading it. I'd suggest it even for someone who hasn't yet lost their parent(s), because I think it helps offer some insight into what that's like. Additionally, if you haven't lost them yet, it might be cool to talk with them about doing something similar for you. If I'd been fortunate enough to find this book before my mom had died, I definitely would have asked her to. I didn't, and I think a lot of people don't, realize how marooned you can feel in that situation, and if nothing else, I think this book does a good job of shedding a little light on that.
I'm glad I found it when I did.
February 12, 2025
Something I struggle with greatly since the loss of my mom is that she didn't leave behind anything that would help me move forward without her. I was only 23 when I lost her - I sure could've used any advice, wisdom, motivation to keep moving through adulthood without her.
This book was created out of a daughter's fear of losing her mom and the aftermath of that devastation, and a mom who agreed to write down bits and pieces of wisdom, humor, advice, and guidance. A super quick read with tons of adorable illustrations, What to Do When I'm Gone was like a warm embrace. While I desperately wish I had something like this to refer to when my mom passed, I'm so glad this exists to maybe help fill that void for others like me.
*Because of the illustrations, I highly recommend reading this via physical copy, iPad, or an e-reader that shows color
This book was created out of a daughter's fear of losing her mom and the aftermath of that devastation, and a mom who agreed to write down bits and pieces of wisdom, humor, advice, and guidance. A super quick read with tons of adorable illustrations, What to Do When I'm Gone was like a warm embrace. While I desperately wish I had something like this to refer to when my mom passed, I'm so glad this exists to maybe help fill that void for others like me.
*Because of the illustrations, I highly recommend reading this via physical copy, iPad, or an e-reader that shows color
July 24, 2019
Heartfelt, funny, and a true balm to the spirit. Highly recommended reading for the loss of a parent.
February 9, 2021
was actually reading this whole entire book at a bookstore and im not gonna lie, it was difficult for me to control my fEELINGS IN PUBLIC.
this is an illustrated instruction manual for getting through life without one's mum & a poignant look at loss and mourning, love and relationships and getting through the phases of life one moment at a time.
sounds heavy which in fact, it really is but such an important read as well. really got me thinking of my loved ones and life in general, and that we have to be grateful of all the time we spend with the people we love. that sometimes we tend to take things for granted and forget that life is so short and so precious.
i really love the illustrations as well!! UGH definitely a must read, its a quick one + would make such a good book to accompany on days when you just want to feel.
this is an illustrated instruction manual for getting through life without one's mum & a poignant look at loss and mourning, love and relationships and getting through the phases of life one moment at a time.
sounds heavy which in fact, it really is but such an important read as well. really got me thinking of my loved ones and life in general, and that we have to be grateful of all the time we spend with the people we love. that sometimes we tend to take things for granted and forget that life is so short and so precious.
i really love the illustrations as well!! UGH definitely a must read, its a quick one + would make such a good book to accompany on days when you just want to feel.
April 13, 2025
An easy-to-follow book with sweet advice from the mother to her daughter.
It brings comfort reading the heartfelt advice as if my own mother wrote it.
It brings comfort reading the heartfelt advice as if my own mother wrote it.
July 27, 2020
My mom died of a cancer/chemo complication almost two months ago and it's been hard. An illustrator I love recommended it and I knew I had to read it.
I immediately thought of the advices or the wisdom my mum would've written to me. She would've known better than to tell me recipes (cause I don't cook). But many things that is in this book is mum advice <3
I found this book like a huge hug that I truly needed.
There were ones that made me laugh, others that felt so true and obviously I cried with some of them.
BUT I UGLY CRIED WHEN I FINISHED IT!!! This book was so beautiful. I miss my mum so, so much.
So I think this is a book that I could open on a random page on a random day and I won't feel so sad.
And the illustration (the reason it was recommended for) is beautiful and peaceful and funny.
I would obviously recommend it to anyone who have lost their mum recently and to those who have a super tight relationship with their mum, I think it would be nice to start this conversation, and you could ask her: "how can I make you part of my life, when you're gone? "
I immediately thought of the advices or the wisdom my mum would've written to me. She would've known better than to tell me recipes (cause I don't cook). But many things that is in this book is mum advice <3
I found this book like a huge hug that I truly needed.
There were ones that made me laugh, others that felt so true and obviously I cried with some of them.
BUT I UGLY CRIED WHEN I FINISHED IT!!! This book was so beautiful. I miss my mum so, so much.
So I think this is a book that I could open on a random page on a random day and I won't feel so sad.
And the illustration (the reason it was recommended for) is beautiful and peaceful and funny.
I would obviously recommend it to anyone who have lost their mum recently and to those who have a super tight relationship with their mum, I think it would be nice to start this conversation, and you could ask her: "how can I make you part of my life, when you're gone? "
January 9, 2023
A book written about grief by someone who’s never lost a parent. The book lacks focus; it gives vague advice about managing grief, but veers into general life advice.
May 7, 2023
This is exactly the book I needed right now. I'm caring for my parents now and my mom is in the final stages of dementia. How long she'll still be with us is uncertain; what is certain is I lost the mother who raised me, cared for me, and brought me up to be the woman I am years ago to this terrible disease. Who remains is a shell of her former self, and I get mere glimmers of what was only occasionally.
So, I have been in mourning for awhile, even though her heart continues to beat. The advice in this book is, of course, given with the idea that the mom has died, but most of the thoughts are relevant to my situation.
I appreciated the warmth and humor and it makes me want to tell our girls right now how much I love them. So hold on....
Ok. I'm back.
Overall, this is a heartwarming ode to mothers and daughters and is a great way to pass on wisdom to the next generation. I loved the recipes as well as the philosophy. I loved this book so much, I read it again as soon as I finished it.
interesting quotes:
"DAY 21: Take a hike
Your parent's death is nature's way of breaking the shocking news that it's your turn next.
I think of it as being next up on life's diving board, preparing to jump or be pushed into a bottomless, unfathomable pool. This should not come as a surprise but somehow it does, and when you lose someone close to you, it may hit you with surprising force.
This is not a day for swimming. Go for a walk in the woods instead. Think about the raccoons and bears and foxes who live and die there. They aren't the least bit worried about life's diving board, and after awhile you'll get used to the idea, too.
Why go on if we all just die in the end? There's a great reason. If you knew you were going to live forever, imagine how much time you'd waste. Amazing things can happen when there's a deadline looming." (p. 32)
"DAY 45: Say thank you
A lot of people have probably done nice things for you since I died. Write each one a thank-you note.
Death is uncivil; thank-you notes are civil. Expressing gratitude forces you to focus on living people who care about you rather than on the enormity of your loss." (p. 36)
"DAY 320: Stop doing stuff you hate to do
Make a list of things you hate to do. Immediately stop doing at least two of them." (p. 50)
"DAY 3,000: Talk to your kids about death
Cleaning and dressing the body, digging the hole, etching the stone. We used to be more connected to death. Now we are shielded from the reality of it, which adds to our unease.
Our culture, our families need to talk much more about death. In the same way you greet a new life you ought to honor a deoarting life." (p. 90)
"DAY 3,500: Make beauty
The world will disappoint you. You'll be stunned by war, intolerance, hate, greed. You'll want a quick solution, but there isn't one.
Try to counter those wrongs by putting forth something positive, however small." (pp. 92-93)
"DAY 4,000: Think of me unexpectedly
Memories will come to you in waves, unbidden.
Grief isn't the only byproduct of a death. And death isn't just subtraction. You're left with a treasure of memories that can be triggered by sights, sounds, smells -- a record of how my life enriched yours." (pp. 94-95)
"DAY 8,000: Redefine happiness
...I see happiness as contentment with what you're doing right now. That may be nothing at all, or something ambitious, or something in between. It's a sense of not wanting to be anywhere else." (p. 106-107)
"DAY 14,000: Make a duck-it list
...Sitting and reading a good book, drinking tea, talking a walk with you. For me, those were lufe's best moments.
Things to avoid until you die - DUCK-IT LIST
• Bucket Lists
• Working with or for mean people
• Self-loathing
• Being wishy-washy
• Being afraid to say something honest
• Being purposefully unkind
• Relationships that are full of conflict
• Friends who drain your life force
• 'Should'" (pp. 118-119)
So, I have been in mourning for awhile, even though her heart continues to beat. The advice in this book is, of course, given with the idea that the mom has died, but most of the thoughts are relevant to my situation.
I appreciated the warmth and humor and it makes me want to tell our girls right now how much I love them. So hold on....
Ok. I'm back.
Overall, this is a heartwarming ode to mothers and daughters and is a great way to pass on wisdom to the next generation. I loved the recipes as well as the philosophy. I loved this book so much, I read it again as soon as I finished it.
interesting quotes:
"DAY 21: Take a hike
Your parent's death is nature's way of breaking the shocking news that it's your turn next.
I think of it as being next up on life's diving board, preparing to jump or be pushed into a bottomless, unfathomable pool. This should not come as a surprise but somehow it does, and when you lose someone close to you, it may hit you with surprising force.
This is not a day for swimming. Go for a walk in the woods instead. Think about the raccoons and bears and foxes who live and die there. They aren't the least bit worried about life's diving board, and after awhile you'll get used to the idea, too.
Why go on if we all just die in the end? There's a great reason. If you knew you were going to live forever, imagine how much time you'd waste. Amazing things can happen when there's a deadline looming." (p. 32)
"DAY 45: Say thank you
A lot of people have probably done nice things for you since I died. Write each one a thank-you note.
Death is uncivil; thank-you notes are civil. Expressing gratitude forces you to focus on living people who care about you rather than on the enormity of your loss." (p. 36)
"DAY 320: Stop doing stuff you hate to do
Make a list of things you hate to do. Immediately stop doing at least two of them." (p. 50)
"DAY 3,000: Talk to your kids about death
Cleaning and dressing the body, digging the hole, etching the stone. We used to be more connected to death. Now we are shielded from the reality of it, which adds to our unease.
Our culture, our families need to talk much more about death. In the same way you greet a new life you ought to honor a deoarting life." (p. 90)
"DAY 3,500: Make beauty
The world will disappoint you. You'll be stunned by war, intolerance, hate, greed. You'll want a quick solution, but there isn't one.
Try to counter those wrongs by putting forth something positive, however small." (pp. 92-93)
"DAY 4,000: Think of me unexpectedly
Memories will come to you in waves, unbidden.
Grief isn't the only byproduct of a death. And death isn't just subtraction. You're left with a treasure of memories that can be triggered by sights, sounds, smells -- a record of how my life enriched yours." (pp. 94-95)
"DAY 8,000: Redefine happiness
...I see happiness as contentment with what you're doing right now. That may be nothing at all, or something ambitious, or something in between. It's a sense of not wanting to be anywhere else." (p. 106-107)
"DAY 14,000: Make a duck-it list
...Sitting and reading a good book, drinking tea, talking a walk with you. For me, those were lufe's best moments.
Things to avoid until you die - DUCK-IT LIST
• Bucket Lists
• Working with or for mean people
• Self-loathing
• Being wishy-washy
• Being afraid to say something honest
• Being purposefully unkind
• Relationships that are full of conflict
• Friends who drain your life force
• 'Should'" (pp. 118-119)
December 11, 2020
No one is ever really ready to loose a loved one, and this book tries to help with that in it's own unique way. As the title states, the author's mother provides preemptive advice on how to function in the event of her death. The advice walks her daughter through day-by-day instructions on what to do, days even years, after her passing. As someone who has lost a parent, I thought the advice was poignant with the right amount of practicality. Not only does the book give permission to grieve and feel sad about death, but it also gives recipes and permission to be your quirky self. This book is an easy read but I found myself both tearing up and laughing out loud! The mother author and illustrator daughter made a wonderful book about a natural part of life that is sometimes not spoken about enough among families and society today. I could not recommend this book enough!
Find it today:https://ent.sharelibraries.info/clien...
Ashley C. / Milton Public Library
Find it today:https://ent.sharelibraries.info/clien...
Ashley C. / Milton Public Library
September 1, 2018
Gave suggestions for to her daughter on what she should do after her passing, not only immediately after her passing but years down the road. Makes we want to make my own suggestions to give to my own daughter.
August 8, 2019
Really lovely.
December 13, 2024
3.5 ⭐️
Excerpts:
“Our culture, our families need to talk much more about death. In the same way you greet a new life you ought to honor a departing life.”
“Love can hurt.”
“Being in love is easy. Living together is harder. It’s a learning experience, mostly about yourself.”
“If you die angry, you’ve waited too long.”
“Grief isn’t the only byproduct of a death. And death isn’t just subtraction. You’re left with a treasure of memories that can be triggered by sights, sounds, smells—a record of how my life enriched yours.”
“We’re put here to look for answers. It’s not that you’re going to find them—it’s that you’re striving to find them.”
Excerpts:
“Our culture, our families need to talk much more about death. In the same way you greet a new life you ought to honor a departing life.”
“Love can hurt.”
“Being in love is easy. Living together is harder. It’s a learning experience, mostly about yourself.”
“If you die angry, you’ve waited too long.”
“Grief isn’t the only byproduct of a death. And death isn’t just subtraction. You’re left with a treasure of memories that can be triggered by sights, sounds, smells—a record of how my life enriched yours.”
“We’re put here to look for answers. It’s not that you’re going to find them—it’s that you’re striving to find them.”
December 2, 2018
This was a very sad and well thought out graphic novel about a woman's mother who writes instructions about what her daughter's life should be like after she passes away. The book deals with the taboo topic of life vs. death and makes one thing about what the world will be like while one is gone. Yes this a painful topic but it is one that is a necessary one for exploring this topic that will affect every single one of us.
February 6, 2020
I misunderstood what this book was about - I thought it was a daughter and mother writing a book because the mother was terminally ill, not just because the daughter had a fear of her dying.
Another reviewer said this book is better read before your mother dies, and I completely agree. None of this is advice my mother would give, but if I'd read it before she died, it might have been a good way to start a discussion with her. There are so many things I would have asked her, and reading this book felt like a slap in the face - I didn't ask those questions and I'll never get a chance to.
The one upside is that it encourages me to write out some things for my daughter if my anticipated shorter life span does become true (no woman lives past 55 in my family, so far, excepting my paternal grandmother).
Another reviewer said this book is better read before your mother dies, and I completely agree. None of this is advice my mother would give, but if I'd read it before she died, it might have been a good way to start a discussion with her. There are so many things I would have asked her, and reading this book felt like a slap in the face - I didn't ask those questions and I'll never get a chance to.
The one upside is that it encourages me to write out some things for my daughter if my anticipated shorter life span does become true (no woman lives past 55 in my family, so far, excepting my paternal grandmother).
April 3, 2018
This was a beautiful, funny, and bittersweet book that left me crying and laughing in the same breath. The book is pure visual artistry from cover to cover, and the artwork and words weave together perfectly to create an immersive and emotional experience as you clutch your tissue, read it, and then promptly want to call everyone you love and tell them how much they mean to you. I will keep this book forever and be grateful for the day I need it most.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 622 reviews