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UFO #6
Unidentified Funny Objects 6
SCIENCE FICTION, FANTASY, HUMOR
* Cranky Goblin Cooks
* Unscrupulous Chemists
* Lecherous Space Pirates
* Disagreeable Alien Symbiotes
* Soul-Searching Snot Elementals
The Unidentified Funny Objects series serves an annual dose of funny. zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices! Our sixth volume features a Mad Amos story by Alan Dean Foster, a Harry the Book tale by Mike Resnick, and an Alexander Outland short by Gini Koch. Jim Hines reimagines a Game of Thrones with goblins in it, Ken Liu begs a sentient AI to spare him, and Esther Friesner takes us on a tour of Chelm, complete with dragons and gratuitous footnotes. There are also tales of an interdimensional secret agent, a warrior-writer on a quest from an evil god, a necromancer intent on rehabilitating the image of his profession, and many more.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Foreword by Alex Shvartsman
“A Game of Goblins” by Jim C. Hines
“The Breakdown of Parasite/Host Relationship” by Paul R. Hardy
“From This She Makes a Living?” by Esther Friesner
“Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About My Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale $200, You Haul” by Tina Connolly
“Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for Change” by Zach Shephard
“Agent of Chaos” by Jack Campbell
“Display of Affection” by P. J. Sambeaux
“The Great Manhattan Eat-Off” by Mike Resnick
“An Evil Opportunity Employer” by Lawrence Watt-Evans
“Common Scents” by Jody Lynn Nye
“A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk into a Bar” by Alan Dean Foster
“Lost and Found” by Laura Resnick
“A Crawlspace Full of Prizes” by Bill Ferris
“Return to Sender” by Melissa Mead
“The Friendly Necromancer” by Rod M. Santos
“An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth” by Ken Liu
“Approved Expense” by David Vierling
“Alexander Outland: Space Jockey” by Gini Koch
“Dear Joyce” by Langley Hyde
“Impress Me, Then We’ll Talk About the Money” by Tatiana Ivanova (translated from Russian by Alex Shvartsman)
* Cranky Goblin Cooks
* Unscrupulous Chemists
* Lecherous Space Pirates
* Disagreeable Alien Symbiotes
* Soul-Searching Snot Elementals
The Unidentified Funny Objects series serves an annual dose of funny. zany, and unusual science fiction and fantasy stories. All-new fiction from the genre's top voices! Our sixth volume features a Mad Amos story by Alan Dean Foster, a Harry the Book tale by Mike Resnick, and an Alexander Outland short by Gini Koch. Jim Hines reimagines a Game of Thrones with goblins in it, Ken Liu begs a sentient AI to spare him, and Esther Friesner takes us on a tour of Chelm, complete with dragons and gratuitous footnotes. There are also tales of an interdimensional secret agent, a warrior-writer on a quest from an evil god, a necromancer intent on rehabilitating the image of his profession, and many more.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Foreword by Alex Shvartsman
“A Game of Goblins” by Jim C. Hines
“The Breakdown of Parasite/Host Relationship” by Paul R. Hardy
“From This She Makes a Living?” by Esther Friesner
“Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About My Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale $200, You Haul” by Tina Connolly
“Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for Change” by Zach Shephard
“Agent of Chaos” by Jack Campbell
“Display of Affection” by P. J. Sambeaux
“The Great Manhattan Eat-Off” by Mike Resnick
“An Evil Opportunity Employer” by Lawrence Watt-Evans
“Common Scents” by Jody Lynn Nye
“A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk into a Bar” by Alan Dean Foster
“Lost and Found” by Laura Resnick
“A Crawlspace Full of Prizes” by Bill Ferris
“Return to Sender” by Melissa Mead
“The Friendly Necromancer” by Rod M. Santos
“An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth” by Ken Liu
“Approved Expense” by David Vierling
“Alexander Outland: Space Jockey” by Gini Koch
“Dear Joyce” by Langley Hyde
“Impress Me, Then We’ll Talk About the Money” by Tatiana Ivanova (translated from Russian by Alex Shvartsman)
383 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 2, 2017
28 people are currently reading
390 people want to read
About the author
Alex Shvartsman
158 books143 followersAlex Shvartsman is a writer, editor, and translator from Brooklyn, NY. He's the author of The Middling Affliction (2022) and Eridani's Crown (2019) fantasy novels. Kakistocracy, a sequel to The Middling Affliction, is forthcoming in 2023.
Over 120 of his stories have been published in Analog, Nature, Strange Horizons, and many other venues. He won the 2014 WSFA Small Press Award for Short Fiction and was a two-time finalist (2015 and 2017) for the Canopus Award for Excellence in Interstellar Fiction.
His collection, Explaining Cthulhu to Grandma and Other Stories and his steampunk humor novella H. G. Wells, Secret Agent were published in 2015. His second collection, The Golem of Deneb Seven and Other Stories followed in 2018.
Alex is the editor of over a dozen anthologies, including the Unidentified Funny Objects annual anthology series of humorous SF/F.
Over 120 of his stories have been published in Analog, Nature, Strange Horizons, and many other venues. He won the 2014 WSFA Small Press Award for Short Fiction and was a two-time finalist (2015 and 2017) for the Canopus Award for Excellence in Interstellar Fiction.
His collection, Explaining Cthulhu to Grandma and Other Stories and his steampunk humor novella H. G. Wells, Secret Agent were published in 2015. His second collection, The Golem of Deneb Seven and Other Stories followed in 2018.
Alex is the editor of over a dozen anthologies, including the Unidentified Funny Objects annual anthology series of humorous SF/F.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
October 22, 2017
In UFO6 (Unidentified Funny Objects 6), editor Alex Shvartsman once again delivers the high quality comedy we've come to expect from his UFO series. A good portion of UFO6 titles utilize epistolary formats for a non-traditional punchline—these stories are otherwise quite unlike each other. A wonderful collection, expertly arranged.
Stories range from the self-explanatory “Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About my Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale. $200, You Haul” by Tina Connolly to the surprisingly touching “A Crawlspace Full of Prizes” by Bill Ferris, which is a bit like if your life were a video game, while being nothing like other stories about video-game lives.
UFO6 includes heavy-hitters Jim C. Hines with parody “A Game of Goblins,” Jack Campbell with “Agent of Chaos,” in which a writer's muse forces her on a trek deep into the mountains where she coincidentally encounters Gothlack, God of Chaos, Alan Dean Foster with a Mad Amos Malone story, “A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk Into a Bar,” and Mike Resnick with a Harry the Book story, “The Great Manhattan Eat-Off,” which is as perfectly ridiculous as it sounds. If you've never read Mad Amos Malone or Harry the Book, you're still in for a treat with these two. And let's not forget Ken Liu, whose “An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced its Intention to Take Over the Earth” drips with sleaze.
On the hard science fiction side of things, “The Breakdown of the Parasite/Host Relationship” by Paul R. Hardy shows how a symbiote and its host can degenerate into petty arguments as fast as your roommate. The Captain reluctantly attempts to intervene as disagreements turn violent and regulations fly out the spaceport. “Display of Affection” by P. K. Sambeaux serves up a healthy dose of creepy in a world where everyone's wired into the net. Guy can't take any more of it when his mother dies, and—well, you'll never look at a museum quite the same afterward. In “Common Scents” by Jody Lynn Nye, symbiote Dr. K't'ank helps host Dena Malone solve a murder mystery with his love of stink. “Alexander Outland: Space Jockey” by Gini Koch may make you wonder if a comedic anthology could, indeed, be complete without space pirates and explosions. “Approved Expense” by David Vierling gives us a chance to live vicariously through dimension-hopping Special Operative Morgan T. Graymael as he explains his itemizations to The Budget and Accounting Administration.
Israel's lost tribe returns on a spaceship in “Lost and Found” by Laura Resnick, in which they are quite shocked to learn what's become of their temple. Esther Friesner introduces readers to the mythical Yiddish town of fools with “From This She Makes a Living?”—along with some interesting phrases, uttered at the discovery of a people-eating dragon come to town. Both Friesner and Resnick's stories treat religion with whimsical irreverence.
“Dear Joyce” by Langley Hyde turns all your fantasy tropes on their head with an opinionated advice columnist in this parody reminiscent of LOTR, if Frodo had written to Joyce. “Return to Sender” by Melissa Mead takes us back to folktale classics with letters written by giants of the fe-fi-fo-fum persuasion. “An Evil Opportunity Employer” by Lawrence Wayt-Evans pokes fun at both lawyers and secret identities as our hero tells a henchmen that he should have read the contract. “The Friendly Necromancer” by Rod M. Santos shows us the proper way to deal with those pesky Knights and Knaves riddles—with violence. Santos delivers an excellent blend of characterization, quest-like trickery, and irreverent humor.
Told in first person by the morally-ambiguous scientist who unleashed chaos on the world through humanity's greed and self-loathing, “Impress Me, Then We'll Take About the Money” by Tatiana Ivanova, Translated by Alex Shvartsman, closes out UFO6 with a bang.
Stories range from the self-explanatory “Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About my Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale. $200, You Haul” by Tina Connolly to the surprisingly touching “A Crawlspace Full of Prizes” by Bill Ferris, which is a bit like if your life were a video game, while being nothing like other stories about video-game lives.
UFO6 includes heavy-hitters Jim C. Hines with parody “A Game of Goblins,” Jack Campbell with “Agent of Chaos,” in which a writer's muse forces her on a trek deep into the mountains where she coincidentally encounters Gothlack, God of Chaos, Alan Dean Foster with a Mad Amos Malone story, “A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk Into a Bar,” and Mike Resnick with a Harry the Book story, “The Great Manhattan Eat-Off,” which is as perfectly ridiculous as it sounds. If you've never read Mad Amos Malone or Harry the Book, you're still in for a treat with these two. And let's not forget Ken Liu, whose “An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced its Intention to Take Over the Earth” drips with sleaze.
On the hard science fiction side of things, “The Breakdown of the Parasite/Host Relationship” by Paul R. Hardy shows how a symbiote and its host can degenerate into petty arguments as fast as your roommate. The Captain reluctantly attempts to intervene as disagreements turn violent and regulations fly out the spaceport. “Display of Affection” by P. K. Sambeaux serves up a healthy dose of creepy in a world where everyone's wired into the net. Guy can't take any more of it when his mother dies, and—well, you'll never look at a museum quite the same afterward. In “Common Scents” by Jody Lynn Nye, symbiote Dr. K't'ank helps host Dena Malone solve a murder mystery with his love of stink. “Alexander Outland: Space Jockey” by Gini Koch may make you wonder if a comedic anthology could, indeed, be complete without space pirates and explosions. “Approved Expense” by David Vierling gives us a chance to live vicariously through dimension-hopping Special Operative Morgan T. Graymael as he explains his itemizations to The Budget and Accounting Administration.
Israel's lost tribe returns on a spaceship in “Lost and Found” by Laura Resnick, in which they are quite shocked to learn what's become of their temple. Esther Friesner introduces readers to the mythical Yiddish town of fools with “From This She Makes a Living?”—along with some interesting phrases, uttered at the discovery of a people-eating dragon come to town. Both Friesner and Resnick's stories treat religion with whimsical irreverence.
“Dear Joyce” by Langley Hyde turns all your fantasy tropes on their head with an opinionated advice columnist in this parody reminiscent of LOTR, if Frodo had written to Joyce. “Return to Sender” by Melissa Mead takes us back to folktale classics with letters written by giants of the fe-fi-fo-fum persuasion. “An Evil Opportunity Employer” by Lawrence Wayt-Evans pokes fun at both lawyers and secret identities as our hero tells a henchmen that he should have read the contract. “The Friendly Necromancer” by Rod M. Santos shows us the proper way to deal with those pesky Knights and Knaves riddles—with violence. Santos delivers an excellent blend of characterization, quest-like trickery, and irreverent humor.
Told in first person by the morally-ambiguous scientist who unleashed chaos on the world through humanity's greed and self-loathing, “Impress Me, Then We'll Take About the Money” by Tatiana Ivanova, Translated by Alex Shvartsman, closes out UFO6 with a bang.
April 13, 2023
A Game of Goblins: I liked this one a bunch, a story of good food and bad diplomacy. 4/5
The Breakdown of the Parasite/Host Relationship: Epistolary story, I liked it fine but it wasn’t really my sense of humour. 3/5
From This She Makes a Living? I quite liked the structure of this one but it didn’t make me laugh out loud. 2/5
Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries about my Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for sale. $200, you haul.: Liked this a whole lot, I thought it didn’t quite get as high as it could have done but I chortled. 4/5
Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for Change: Not really my thing, but there was one great line I very much enjoyed. 3/5
Agent of Chaos: Again, more zany than funny. 2/5
Display of Affection: Hard pass. 1/5
The Great Manhattan Eat-Off: I thought this was okay but was more silly than funny. 3/5
An Evil Opportunity Employer: Not particularly funny. 2/5
Common Scents: Not quite as good a mystery as previous instalments but I do like the characters. 3/5
A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk Into a Bar...: It had cats in! Well, a cat. I liked it. 4/5
Lost and Found: Satire of the Trump administration, not my bag. 2/5
A Crawlspace Full of Prizes: Not sure what I thought of this. It wasn’t funny, really, but I’m not sure what it was. 2/5
Return To Sender: This wasn’t my cup of tea. 1/5
The Friendly Necromancer: Look, any story that has this ending is worth a read. 4/5
An Open Letter to the Sentient Al Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth: Lovely stuff from Ken Liu, short but sweet. 4/5
Approved Expense: I liked this but the end doesn’t work for me. 3/5
Alexander Outland: Space Jockey: Not sure about this one: whole lot of sexual encounters but not a whole lot of laughs. 2/5
Dear Joyce: Another epistolary story; I enjoyed this but it didn’t strike me as overly comedic. 3/5
Impress Me, Then We'll Talk About The Money: I’m really not sure why this is the last story, but I didn’t find it funny and I thought the central idea wasn’t particularly well-executed. 2/5.
The Breakdown of the Parasite/Host Relationship: Epistolary story, I liked it fine but it wasn’t really my sense of humour. 3/5
From This She Makes a Living? I quite liked the structure of this one but it didn’t make me laugh out loud. 2/5
Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries about my Craigslist Post: Alien Spaceship for sale. $200, you haul.: Liked this a whole lot, I thought it didn’t quite get as high as it could have done but I chortled. 4/5
Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for Change: Not really my thing, but there was one great line I very much enjoyed. 3/5
Agent of Chaos: Again, more zany than funny. 2/5
Display of Affection: Hard pass. 1/5
The Great Manhattan Eat-Off: I thought this was okay but was more silly than funny. 3/5
An Evil Opportunity Employer: Not particularly funny. 2/5
Common Scents: Not quite as good a mystery as previous instalments but I do like the characters. 3/5
A Mountain Man and a Cat Walk Into a Bar...: It had cats in! Well, a cat. I liked it. 4/5
Lost and Found: Satire of the Trump administration, not my bag. 2/5
A Crawlspace Full of Prizes: Not sure what I thought of this. It wasn’t funny, really, but I’m not sure what it was. 2/5
Return To Sender: This wasn’t my cup of tea. 1/5
The Friendly Necromancer: Look, any story that has this ending is worth a read. 4/5
An Open Letter to the Sentient Al Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth: Lovely stuff from Ken Liu, short but sweet. 4/5
Approved Expense: I liked this but the end doesn’t work for me. 3/5
Alexander Outland: Space Jockey: Not sure about this one: whole lot of sexual encounters but not a whole lot of laughs. 2/5
Dear Joyce: Another epistolary story; I enjoyed this but it didn’t strike me as overly comedic. 3/5
Impress Me, Then We'll Talk About The Money: I’m really not sure why this is the last story, but I didn’t find it funny and I thought the central idea wasn’t particularly well-executed. 2/5.
July 4, 2021
1/5 - A Game of Goblins, by Jim C. Hines
1/5 - The Breakdown of the Parasite/Host Relationship, by Paul R. Hardy
1/5 - From This She Makes A Living?, by Esther Friesner
1/5 - Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About my Craiglist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale. $200, You Haul, by Tina Connolly
2/5 - Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for a Change, by Zach Shepard
3/5 - Agent of Chaos, by Jack Campbell
1/5 - Display of Affection, by P.J. Sambeaux
3/5 - The Great Manhattan Eat-Off, by Mike Resnick
2/5 - An Evil Opportunity Employer, by Lawrence Watt-Evans
2/5 - Common Scents, by Jody Lynn Nye
3/5 - A Mountain Man And a Cat Walk Into a Bar..., by Alan Dean Foster
2/5 - Lost And Found, by Laura Resnick
1/5 - A Crawlspace Full of Prizes, by Bill Ferris
2/5 - Return To Sender, by Melissa Mead
1/5 - The Friendly Necromancer, by Rod M. Santos
2/5 - An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth, by Ken Liu
0/5 - Approved Expense, by David Vierling
0/5 - Alexander Outland: Space Jockey, by G.J. Koch
0/5 - Dear Joyce, by Langley Hyde
1/5 - Impress Me, Then We'll Talk About the Money, by Tatiana Ivanova
1/5 - The Breakdown of the Parasite/Host Relationship, by Paul R. Hardy
1/5 - From This She Makes A Living?, by Esther Friesner
1/5 - Twenty-Nine Responses to Inquiries About my Craiglist Post: Alien Spaceship for Sale. $200, You Haul, by Tina Connolly
2/5 - Tyler the Snot Elemental Scours the Newspaper, Searching for a Change, by Zach Shepard
3/5 - Agent of Chaos, by Jack Campbell
1/5 - Display of Affection, by P.J. Sambeaux
3/5 - The Great Manhattan Eat-Off, by Mike Resnick
2/5 - An Evil Opportunity Employer, by Lawrence Watt-Evans
2/5 - Common Scents, by Jody Lynn Nye
3/5 - A Mountain Man And a Cat Walk Into a Bar..., by Alan Dean Foster
2/5 - Lost And Found, by Laura Resnick
1/5 - A Crawlspace Full of Prizes, by Bill Ferris
2/5 - Return To Sender, by Melissa Mead
1/5 - The Friendly Necromancer, by Rod M. Santos
2/5 - An Open Letter to the Sentient AI Who Has Announced Its Intention to Take Over the Earth, by Ken Liu
0/5 - Approved Expense, by David Vierling
0/5 - Alexander Outland: Space Jockey, by G.J. Koch
0/5 - Dear Joyce, by Langley Hyde
1/5 - Impress Me, Then We'll Talk About the Money, by Tatiana Ivanova
November 10, 2017
As always, Shvartsman put together a fun collection of unusual stories. Overall, the stories were entertaining, funny, and occasionally even made moral points to boot. I have to agree with the editor that some of the best were not in traditional story format. Instead, they were letters, responses to Craigslist ads, or even a message to a machine intelligence about to the over the world. Unusually, there were a couple of stories which were part of larger series. While these were ok, I felt that I had missed something in the reading of them. While those stories were good, they aren't enough to make me need to further increase my to read pile.
If you like short fiction and can have your enjoyment of the absurd ready, I highly recommend this book and the other 5 iterations that have come before.
If you like short fiction and can have your enjoyment of the absurd ready, I highly recommend this book and the other 5 iterations that have come before.
November 27, 2021
A funny anthology of sci-fi and fantasy stories.
Some continuing characters and their worlds.
Hop aboard and ride along!
My two favorites were:
"FROM THIS SHE MAKES A LIVING?" by ESTHER FRIESNER;
and "A MOUNTAIN MAN AND A CAT WALK INTO A BAR…. A MAD AMOS MALONE STORY" BY ALAN DEAN FOSTER.
Some continuing characters and their worlds.
Hop aboard and ride along!
My two favorites were:
"FROM THIS SHE MAKES A LIVING?" by ESTHER FRIESNER;
and "A MOUNTAIN MAN AND A CAT WALK INTO A BAR…. A MAD AMOS MALONE STORY" BY ALAN DEAN FOSTER.
November 4, 2017
Simply put, a great collection of humorous speculative fiction. Will appeal to a wide-variety of readers.
September 2, 2020
Das isch genau mini Sorte Gschichtli, so liecht schräge Humor!
Want to read
October 12, 2017Wow, this book seem very funny and interesting! I hope I can get this book to read! Thank you Alex Shvartsman :)
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews