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How to Break Your Addiction to a Person: When--and Why--Love Doesn't Work
Are you in love - or addicted? How to know when to call it quits...and how to find the courage to call it quits. Are you unable to leave a love relationship even though it gives you more pain than joy? Your judgment and self-respect tell you to end it, but still, to your dismay, you hang on. You are addicted - to a person. Now there is an insightful, step-by-step guide to breaking that addiction - and surviving the split. Drawing on dozens of provocative case histories, psychotherapist Howard Helpern explains to you:
Why you can get addicted to a person.
Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it.")
How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.
How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold you.
Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."
How to get through the agonizing breakup period - without going back.
How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again.
Why you can get addicted to a person.
Why and how you may try to deceive yourself. ("He really loves me, he just doesn't know how to show it.")
How you can recognize the symptoms of a bad relationship.
How to deal with the power moves and guilt trips your partner uses to hold you.
Why strong feelings of jealousy do not mean you are "in love."
How to get through the agonizing breakup period - without going back.
How not to get caught in such a painful relationship again.
272 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1982
69 people are currently reading
1563 people want to read
About the author
Howard M. Halpern
17 books15 followersHoward M. Halpern was an American psychotherapist and author who mainly wrote self-help books about severing or realigning burdensome relationships.
Serving as president of the American Academy of Psychotherapists from 1970 to 1972, Halpern was a therapist for over fifty years. He died of leukemia on Christmas Day, 2011 at the age of 82.
Serving as president of the American Academy of Psychotherapists from 1970 to 1972, Halpern was a therapist for over fifty years. He died of leukemia on Christmas Day, 2011 at the age of 82.
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February 9, 2025
این کتاب چه وقت باید خونده بشه؟
وقتی که عشق و دوست داشتن جواب نمیده...
وقتی که طرفینِ رابطه میدونن باید از هم دست بکشن اما نمیتونن...
وقتی که حتی نمیدونن چرا توی یه رابطه ی سمی باقی موندن...
وقتی که دو طرف تلاش میکنن همدیگه رو تغییر بدن و خیلی هم امیدوارن که این تغییر اتفاق بیفته...
وقتی که احساسِ توی رابطه عشق نیست بلکه وابستگی ناسالمه...
وقتی که اسمِ حسادت، دوست داشتن گذاشته شده...
وقتی که طرفِ مقابل یه شخص خاص تصور میشه که دیگه مثلش گیر نمیاد...
وقتی که...
Howard Halpern’s "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" is a powerful and insightful guide for those struggling with unhealthy emotional dependencies. Halpern, a psychotherapist, provides practical advice, relatable examples, and actionable steps to help individuals free themselves from patterns of attachment that can be toxic and limiting. His book offers both clarity and compassion to readers who find themselves stuck in one-sided, often damaging relationships.
Key Insights:
Understanding Emotional Dependency: Halpern does an excellent job explaining the psychological mechanisms behind emotional addiction. He reveals how dependency on another person can be rooted in unresolved emotional issues, childhood experiences, or a lack of self-worth. He underscores that what may feel like love is often an unhealthy need to fill an emotional void.
Breaking the Cycle: One of the standout features of the book is its emphasis on breaking the cycle of addiction. Halpern provides practical steps for individuals to recognize and acknowledge their dependency patterns. He advises creating physical and emotional distance from the person, developing a stronger sense of self-worth, and learning to validate oneself rather than relying on external sources for validation.
Building Self-Esteem and Independence: Halpern encourages readers to focus on building their self-esteem and emotional independence. This means taking ownership of one’s happiness and no longer relying on someone else to feel complete. The book outlines how to nurture self-love and develop an identity separate from the attachment to another person.
Clear, Compassionate Writing: Halpern writes in a warm, approachable tone that makes the material accessible to readers. He acknowledges the emotional pain and difficulty that comes with breaking free from someone who has become a source of emotional dependency. Rather than making the reader feel guilty or ashamed, the book offers compassion and hope for healing.
Practical Exercises: The book is not just theoretical; it includes numerous exercises and techniques that readers can implement right away. From journaling prompts to cognitive reframing exercises, Halpern provides tools for actively working through emotional dependency. These exercises are especially helpful for those who need structure and guidance while working through these intense feelings.
Strengths:
Practical and Actionable: The book offers concrete steps that readers can take to break their addiction to a person, which makes it a useful tool for self-help.
Compassionate Approach: Halpern's understanding of the emotional struggles involved makes the book a gentle, supportive read, rather than one that blames or shames the reader.
Accessible Language: The writing is clear and easy to follow, making complex psychological concepts more understandable for the general reader.
Potential Limitations:
Not Deeply Theoretical: While the book provides a solid overview and practical advice, readers seeking a more in-depth, clinical exploration of dependency or attachment theory might find it lacking in academic detail.
Focused on Romantic Relationships: The book primarily addresses romantic and intimate relationships, so readers seeking advice on other forms of emotional dependency (such as with family or friends) may find the scope somewhat limited.
Final Verdict:
How to Break Your Addiction to a Person is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to break free from emotional dependency. Howard Halpern’s blend of practical advice, empathetic guidance, and clear writing makes it an accessible and effective tool for healing. It’s a must-read for those who find themselves in unhealthy, one-sided relationships and are ready to reclaim their independence and self-worth. The book’s emphasis on self-care, emotional growth, and creating healthy boundaries makes it a powerful tool for lasting change.
وقتی که عشق و دوست داشتن جواب نمیده...
وقتی که طرفینِ رابطه میدونن باید از هم دست بکشن اما نمیتونن...
وقتی که حتی نمیدونن چرا توی یه رابطه ی سمی باقی موندن...
وقتی که دو طرف تلاش میکنن همدیگه رو تغییر بدن و خیلی هم امیدوارن که این تغییر اتفاق بیفته...
وقتی که احساسِ توی رابطه عشق نیست بلکه وابستگی ناسالمه...
وقتی که اسمِ حسادت، دوست داشتن گذاشته شده...
وقتی که طرفِ مقابل یه شخص خاص تصور میشه که دیگه مثلش گیر نمیاد...
وقتی که...
Howard Halpern’s "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" is a powerful and insightful guide for those struggling with unhealthy emotional dependencies. Halpern, a psychotherapist, provides practical advice, relatable examples, and actionable steps to help individuals free themselves from patterns of attachment that can be toxic and limiting. His book offers both clarity and compassion to readers who find themselves stuck in one-sided, often damaging relationships.
Key Insights:
Understanding Emotional Dependency: Halpern does an excellent job explaining the psychological mechanisms behind emotional addiction. He reveals how dependency on another person can be rooted in unresolved emotional issues, childhood experiences, or a lack of self-worth. He underscores that what may feel like love is often an unhealthy need to fill an emotional void.
Breaking the Cycle: One of the standout features of the book is its emphasis on breaking the cycle of addiction. Halpern provides practical steps for individuals to recognize and acknowledge their dependency patterns. He advises creating physical and emotional distance from the person, developing a stronger sense of self-worth, and learning to validate oneself rather than relying on external sources for validation.
Building Self-Esteem and Independence: Halpern encourages readers to focus on building their self-esteem and emotional independence. This means taking ownership of one’s happiness and no longer relying on someone else to feel complete. The book outlines how to nurture self-love and develop an identity separate from the attachment to another person.
Clear, Compassionate Writing: Halpern writes in a warm, approachable tone that makes the material accessible to readers. He acknowledges the emotional pain and difficulty that comes with breaking free from someone who has become a source of emotional dependency. Rather than making the reader feel guilty or ashamed, the book offers compassion and hope for healing.
Practical Exercises: The book is not just theoretical; it includes numerous exercises and techniques that readers can implement right away. From journaling prompts to cognitive reframing exercises, Halpern provides tools for actively working through emotional dependency. These exercises are especially helpful for those who need structure and guidance while working through these intense feelings.
Strengths:
Practical and Actionable: The book offers concrete steps that readers can take to break their addiction to a person, which makes it a useful tool for self-help.
Compassionate Approach: Halpern's understanding of the emotional struggles involved makes the book a gentle, supportive read, rather than one that blames or shames the reader.
Accessible Language: The writing is clear and easy to follow, making complex psychological concepts more understandable for the general reader.
Potential Limitations:
Not Deeply Theoretical: While the book provides a solid overview and practical advice, readers seeking a more in-depth, clinical exploration of dependency or attachment theory might find it lacking in academic detail.
Focused on Romantic Relationships: The book primarily addresses romantic and intimate relationships, so readers seeking advice on other forms of emotional dependency (such as with family or friends) may find the scope somewhat limited.
Final Verdict:
How to Break Your Addiction to a Person is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to break free from emotional dependency. Howard Halpern’s blend of practical advice, empathetic guidance, and clear writing makes it an accessible and effective tool for healing. It’s a must-read for those who find themselves in unhealthy, one-sided relationships and are ready to reclaim their independence and self-worth. The book’s emphasis on self-care, emotional growth, and creating healthy boundaries makes it a powerful tool for lasting change.
August 14, 2014
Don't let the unimaginative self-helpish title of this book fool you. If you give it a chance as I did, you will be pleasantly surprised by the deep and valuable insights this book offers from a psychodynamic perspective on love/relationship addictions (also known as "attachment hunger"). I stumbled across this book quite by accident while looking for some books on co-dependence for work.
Although I typically consider myself a well-rounded therapist when it comes to a plethora of presenting problems and keep myself abreast on the nuances of addiction and recovery, relationship "addiction" is a concept I have known little about until now. I was curious both personally and professionally to delve into the complexities that distinguish a secure attachment from an anxious or avoidant attachment. It is both amazing and sad how one's early childhood attachments to primary caregivers have the ability to pave the way for secure or anxious/avoidant attachments in intimate relationships later in life.
The good news is knowledge is power and once you know something, you can't "unknow" it. The first step to changing an undesirable attachment style is to identify it, have compassion for yourself, be mindful if and when anxiety is triggered, and take steps to empowering yourself into more loving attachments (with a significant other, with a caring support system, and mostly finding peace within yourself). This book helps one to do just that.
I recommend this book for therapists as well as those struggling with this issue and already have one of my clients reading it!
Although I typically consider myself a well-rounded therapist when it comes to a plethora of presenting problems and keep myself abreast on the nuances of addiction and recovery, relationship "addiction" is a concept I have known little about until now. I was curious both personally and professionally to delve into the complexities that distinguish a secure attachment from an anxious or avoidant attachment. It is both amazing and sad how one's early childhood attachments to primary caregivers have the ability to pave the way for secure or anxious/avoidant attachments in intimate relationships later in life.
The good news is knowledge is power and once you know something, you can't "unknow" it. The first step to changing an undesirable attachment style is to identify it, have compassion for yourself, be mindful if and when anxiety is triggered, and take steps to empowering yourself into more loving attachments (with a significant other, with a caring support system, and mostly finding peace within yourself). This book helps one to do just that.
I recommend this book for therapists as well as those struggling with this issue and already have one of my clients reading it!
May 12, 2013
How to Break Your Addiction to a Person is a wonderful, powerful, enlightening, practical self-help book that I pray the books in my head will mirror one day. Often times self-help gets caught up in the pretension of being self-help—peppered with lofty platitudes and generic applications that make you feel good about yourself but don’t really help you become better. For the addicted person whose attachment hunger is keeping him or her in a detrimental relationship too long, there are survival stories from Halpern’s patients, exercises to identify the roots of attachment hunger, and strategies for extricating oneself from an addictive relationship and moving on to healthier attachments. For the psychotherapist, there are convicting cautions about getting too attached to patients. For the relationship researcher, there are clear descriptions of addictive love and what happens to the infant within when those bonds are threatened. It’s a book that should be read multiple times, in multiple stages of one’s life when helping a friend through an addictive relationship, writing about others in said relationships, or perhaps realizing that you’re in one yourself.
November 15, 2011
I decided to purchase this book after becoming more and more aware of the recurring bad relationship patterns I found myself in that often consisted of being involved with people who were not good for me and who didn't treat me very well. This book really helped me see the psychological reasons behind why I was making these bad choices. It was an eye opening book that helped me see that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. You can break the cycle if you want to.
February 24, 2012
Really sensible book, but I imagine if you're reading this in a hysterical, broken hearted kind of a way a lot of the advice would pass you buy.
I think it's good to have a number of psych books on your shelf, because it can remind you that you're experiencing "the human condition" and intellectualise situations that are distressing you. This is staying on my shelf.
I think it's good to have a number of psych books on your shelf, because it can remind you that you're experiencing "the human condition" and intellectualise situations that are distressing you. This is staying on my shelf.
October 7, 2018
I learned a lot about my addiction to my last boyfriend. It was a totally unhealthy relationship. I was addicted to him, and he was addicted to alcohol. Not a good combo. I'd recommend this book to anyone who is addicted or attached to a toxic partner.
July 14, 2012
This thought-provoking and intelligent book thankfully does not provide a simple, behavioral "recipe" to end a bad relationship or an AA-inspired 12-step program. Instead, it offers an interesting, almost psychodynamic explanation about why such relationships can endure and insight into how to make some meaningful and lasting changes to one's self-system. Halpern also includes case histories that are easy to identify with and guidance regarding specific types of relationships.
July 16, 2021
کتاب در مورد مبحث عطش دلبستگی صحبت میکنه. اینکه چرا خیلی از روابط سمت نارضایتی پیش میره و علت و ریشه اش چیه! در نهایت یک سری راهکار پیشنهاد میکنه. در کل کتاب ارزشمندی است
March 11, 2019
This book very well may save lives, I firmly believe that. For although not everyone struggles with suicidal ideation or thoughts at some point in a relationship ruled by Attachment Hunger, living this way is akin to at least an emotional and mental kind of death.
This book explains the origins, reasons and motivations of Attachment Hunger very thoroughly. It teaches us in which ways it tries to control a relationshop, by guilt, jealousy, power or servitude.
And it offers solutions out of such harmful thought patterns and relationships.
A fantastic book that I think everyone may benefit from since Attachment Hunger in relationships is a more prominent issue or challenge as most people are beware as I believe.
This book explains the origins, reasons and motivations of Attachment Hunger very thoroughly. It teaches us in which ways it tries to control a relationshop, by guilt, jealousy, power or servitude.
And it offers solutions out of such harmful thought patterns and relationships.
A fantastic book that I think everyone may benefit from since Attachment Hunger in relationships is a more prominent issue or challenge as most people are beware as I believe.
October 8, 2022
"There were times when she would be tense or feel overwhelmed and she would beg, 'Just put your arms around me; just hold me for a minute', and he would look at her helplessly and turn his back."
"He never told Lois about the stretchmarks from her pregnancies and the scar from the caesarian had become almost all he could see when he looked at her body...Sandy had never had children, and her body was unstretched, unmarked." Giiiiiirl. The rage.
"If you don't feel ready for a full cold-turkey withdrawal, you might find it helpful to take a temporary separation and allow yourself to experience whatever the feelings are really like in being without this person. If you want to get the most out of it, don't load up every minute of the separation with distractions, and people, and tasks. Let yourself feel your feelings. Let the fever peak, and break. Don't bring the separation to an end as soon as your feel distress; it's important to confront your attachment hunger and to discover that you can endure your withdrawal symptoms so that you can restore yourself to a life governed by your truest self-interest rather than by your addiction."
"He never told Lois about the stretchmarks from her pregnancies and the scar from the caesarian had become almost all he could see when he looked at her body...Sandy had never had children, and her body was unstretched, unmarked." Giiiiiirl. The rage.
"If you don't feel ready for a full cold-turkey withdrawal, you might find it helpful to take a temporary separation and allow yourself to experience whatever the feelings are really like in being without this person. If you want to get the most out of it, don't load up every minute of the separation with distractions, and people, and tasks. Let yourself feel your feelings. Let the fever peak, and break. Don't bring the separation to an end as soon as your feel distress; it's important to confront your attachment hunger and to discover that you can endure your withdrawal symptoms so that you can restore yourself to a life governed by your truest self-interest rather than by your addiction."
October 26, 2021
Linking your adult relationship addictions to what happened in your infancy, something defined you then that is rationally defining how you behave now. Using this idea as a background theory, Halpern is attempting to teach the logical side of what un-addicted person with normal boundaries would do. While it is admirable to cover logistics, when you are in the thick of an addiction, it's not going to help. Saying, "Hey, you have a coffee addiction" is not going to help someone who knows they have an addiction because you are addicted to the taste, smell, feeling, and emotions tied to it.
February 20, 2013
Extremely helpful book. I didn't think I had any addiction, but people have always be I did. This book shed light on what constitutes addiction to a person. While you might be thinking it's about co-dependency, there is so much more and it goes back to our own upbringing. Certain life events that happen to us as children can make us more prone to addiction as adults. I highly recommend this if you can't break free from someone, even if you know you should.
October 25, 2023
very gender role heavy
May 23, 2014
Fascinating insight into attachment hunger and how our infant needs can keep us in relationships that no longer serve us. The case studies are relatable and help to illustrate the issues and how to work toward resolution. Very valuable tool for reassurance during a breakup of a painful relationship.
November 5, 2015
Although I have read many books on the subject, this one is the best for my opinion. I have learned how my childhood relationship with my mom had affected my current intimate relationship. The author demonstrated this clearly with examples. Don't let your attachment hunger rule your life ! know it is not enough to have this knowledge. But it might be a turning point to change...
May 7, 2021
I had been studying Buddhist meditation and struggling to understand the principle of non-attachment around the same time I read this title. Weirdly, this secular book on a completely different topic helped that concept click for me, and it remains a formative experience. (Credit for non-attachment goes to Buddhism always, but obviously I found this book valuable.)
August 8, 2019
Very very good. Based on attachment theory.
My favorite part is the list of aphorisms at the end that you can read as kind of affirmations to keep you on track.
Sobering read that removes the veil on the underlying mechanisms at work in unhealthy relationships.
My favorite part is the list of aphorisms at the end that you can read as kind of affirmations to keep you on track.
Sobering read that removes the veil on the underlying mechanisms at work in unhealthy relationships.
May 14, 2015
Hace demasiado hincapié en la infancia y en el psicoanálisis pero tiene cosas interesantes que te hacen replantear ciertas actitudes. Esperaba bastante más pero se lee bien.
October 29, 2016
This book had a one sided outlook on relationships and the reasons we behave the way we do in those relationships. Overall, this book was entertaining but should be read with a grain of salt.
March 23, 2018
I listened to the audio book and almost didn't finish. It was a boring read. I'm not sure what I was expecting, it just didn't work for me.
May 27, 2025
Who this book is for:
Contemplating a breakup or divorce? Struggling to understand why you can’t stop thinking about a toxic ex, even when you know they’re not good for you? This book is for you.
Written by a seasoned therapist, How to Break Your Addiction to a Person is a compassionate and practical deep dive into the psychology of attachment, specifically focusing on how and why we sometimes cling to relationships that harm us.
Halpern breaks down complex psychological concepts—particularly attachment theory—into accessible language, using real-life examples of individuals navigating the kinds of painful relationship dynamics that many of us have experienced or will encounter.
The book explores the concept of “attachment hunger” and how it can morph into emotional addiction. Often, we unconsciously engage in behaviors meant to maintain a bond with someone, even when the relationship is damaging.
Wondering if your relationship is based on toxic attachment rather than genuine love? Halpern offers clear warning signs:
* Power struggles
* Manipulation for attention
* People-pleasing to the point of self-erasure
* Using guilt or jealousy as emotional tools
If any of this sounds familiar, this book may offer the insight you need.
Once the groundwork is laid, Halpern doesn't leave you hanging. He provides actionable strategies for detaching from unhealthy bonds and healing from the withdrawal symptoms that often come with leaving an emotionally volatile relationship.
For those in relationships that can be salvaged, he even outlines a path toward building a more authentic, balanced connection.
This is not just a book about letting go—it’s a guide to reclaiming your emotional freedom.
Contemplating a breakup or divorce? Struggling to understand why you can’t stop thinking about a toxic ex, even when you know they’re not good for you? This book is for you.
Written by a seasoned therapist, How to Break Your Addiction to a Person is a compassionate and practical deep dive into the psychology of attachment, specifically focusing on how and why we sometimes cling to relationships that harm us.
Halpern breaks down complex psychological concepts—particularly attachment theory—into accessible language, using real-life examples of individuals navigating the kinds of painful relationship dynamics that many of us have experienced or will encounter.
The book explores the concept of “attachment hunger” and how it can morph into emotional addiction. Often, we unconsciously engage in behaviors meant to maintain a bond with someone, even when the relationship is damaging.
Wondering if your relationship is based on toxic attachment rather than genuine love? Halpern offers clear warning signs:
* Power struggles
* Manipulation for attention
* People-pleasing to the point of self-erasure
* Using guilt or jealousy as emotional tools
If any of this sounds familiar, this book may offer the insight you need.
Once the groundwork is laid, Halpern doesn't leave you hanging. He provides actionable strategies for detaching from unhealthy bonds and healing from the withdrawal symptoms that often come with leaving an emotionally volatile relationship.
For those in relationships that can be salvaged, he even outlines a path toward building a more authentic, balanced connection.
This is not just a book about letting go—it’s a guide to reclaiming your emotional freedom.
February 16, 2025
Overall I didn’t like this book much at all.
A few tiny bits of useful information. Like making sure to have some self awareness and some self identity.
Most of the information was just given rationalizations for ending relationships. Which wasn’t what I was looking for so I wasn’t a fan.
Below are some of the notes I took:
Addiction to a person:
- May be rooted in failure to attach to loving parent, or failure to launch from loving parent.
- Jealousy may stem from fear of losing someone, or feeling of inadequacy
- Too much Freudian thinking, in that author tries to tie every problem back to being caused by the parents (love/rejection/longing/ etc). Even to the extent that the author says: people find their own parent as competition to being able to love their opposite sex parent (even on a sexual level)
- Relationship evaluation test
- Rate satisfaction as (very high, h , m,l,very low)
- 1 - gen emotional contentment
- 2 - communication
- 3 - companionship
- 4 - interest sharing
- 5 - practical support
- 6 - emotional support
- 7 - growth support
- 8 - feeling loved by partner
- 9 - felling love to partner
- 10 - respected by partner
- 11 - respecting partner
- 12 - trusted by partner
- 13 - trusting partner
- 14 - nurtured by
- 15 - nurturing to partner
- 16 - enjoyment
- 17 - warmth
- 18 - intimacy satisfaction
- 19 - self esteem
- 20 - desire to spend time together
A few tiny bits of useful information. Like making sure to have some self awareness and some self identity.
Most of the information was just given rationalizations for ending relationships. Which wasn’t what I was looking for so I wasn’t a fan.
Below are some of the notes I took:
Addiction to a person:
- May be rooted in failure to attach to loving parent, or failure to launch from loving parent.
- Jealousy may stem from fear of losing someone, or feeling of inadequacy
- Too much Freudian thinking, in that author tries to tie every problem back to being caused by the parents (love/rejection/longing/ etc). Even to the extent that the author says: people find their own parent as competition to being able to love their opposite sex parent (even on a sexual level)
- Relationship evaluation test
- Rate satisfaction as (very high, h , m,l,very low)
- 1 - gen emotional contentment
- 2 - communication
- 3 - companionship
- 4 - interest sharing
- 5 - practical support
- 6 - emotional support
- 7 - growth support
- 8 - feeling loved by partner
- 9 - felling love to partner
- 10 - respected by partner
- 11 - respecting partner
- 12 - trusted by partner
- 13 - trusting partner
- 14 - nurtured by
- 15 - nurturing to partner
- 16 - enjoyment
- 17 - warmth
- 18 - intimacy satisfaction
- 19 - self esteem
- 20 - desire to spend time together
December 6, 2024
Certainly dated in many aspects, but I found this book to actually be pretty radical. In our world, I think mature relationships are a rare and radical thing. The descriptions of mature relating felt oddly like how solo polyamory is described. I really loved this book and will need to return to it again and again—there’s so much crucial info. The very last chapter was a bit disappointing, though. As a polyamorous person, I was disappointed when he said love relationships basically must be monogamous. I don’t believe that to be true, and I would be interested on the author’s take of love relationships in a polyamorous context. Also, the way he described love relationships at the end seemed to celebrate a “one and only” dynamic that he rejected throughout the book. Still, amazingly important read for me to hopefully help me approach future romantic relationships with more sanity, composure, and resiliency.
May 23, 2024
Cringey title, got real with examples of childhood attachment wounding and how they might be expressed subconsciously in later relationships. Didn’t shy away from people who really looked hard at themselves, including the ooey gooey parts you kinda wanna pretend aren’t there, or maybe aren’t yet in your conscious awareness, but are really driving some major behaviors.
Prob requires some degree of self awareness to actually see bits of reflection in your own behavior, or else you might read it as tales of ppl with less self control than yourself (which isn’t true… none of the people seemed incapable, they just had different origin stories and attachment wounds driving them).
Quite a compassionate view while also being practical.
Prob requires some degree of self awareness to actually see bits of reflection in your own behavior, or else you might read it as tales of ppl with less self control than yourself (which isn’t true… none of the people seemed incapable, they just had different origin stories and attachment wounds driving them).
Quite a compassionate view while also being practical.
February 11, 2018
I never believed that you could be addicted to another person until I saw how many adults in my life, myself included, still had desperate needs of a child. How we sought acceptance, praise, and approval and would chase it at all costs no matter how damaging the effects. Like a man who couldn’t give up a substance, many of us suffered severe symptoms of withdrawal and collapse. This book was a beautiful guide in understanding that you have choice: 1) can it improve? 2) do you accept it as it is? 3) if it can’t improve and you don’t accept it as it is then you must change the situation by letting go of it. Powerful stuff.
November 26, 2019
Best book I've read in my life (for now)! It resonated with me and was really helpful in enlightening and revealing the truth behind why I was feeling what I felt. Really grateful to Halpern for his research work and writing such a book. Actually it's also an important book for parents-to-be, so that kids don't grow up to become needy and emotionally unstable adults haha . This book also teaches the healthy mindset that one can be independent and happy, whole individuals, we don't need another person to feel complete. Being with the wrong person is really worse off than being single. Highly recommend this book!!
January 29, 2022
I would say this book is a great way to understand attachment hunger, and how it is present in everyone. It also helps you see that you are now adults, and not in your child-like state dying without relationships.
I found it less helpful for me though, since I’d say I fit more into the fearful-avoidant type, rather than anxious.
I’d recommend this book to everyone, because even if you didn’t find a lot to apply to yourself, chances are you’ll find something helpful when you are helping a friend break a bad relationship.
I found it less helpful for me though, since I’d say I fit more into the fearful-avoidant type, rather than anxious.
I’d recommend this book to everyone, because even if you didn’t find a lot to apply to yourself, chances are you’ll find something helpful when you are helping a friend break a bad relationship.
October 19, 2021
I found this to be more about leaving a toxic relationship than what I thought it would be about which was learning how to not become addicted to people in general. You can become to addicted to friends, family, crushes, and even involved in parasocial relationships with celebrities. I thought that the book would expand and talk about the general issues of how your personality and theirs can become enmeshed and create addiction but it didn't really cover those topics or ideas.
July 20, 2022
It might feel a bit repetitive and self-help-y but it actually offers great value. The author dives deep into just what draws us toward toxic, addictive relationships and how to break that cycle. It also teaches you to value yourself enough to let go of what isn't serving your needs. A great read for people in not-so-healthy relationships, as well as for therapists who work on relationship issues.
March 11, 2023
AUTOBOOK
this book was excellent i feel that this book was almost meant for me. this book has been one of the most impactful books i have read in a very long time. it has been a wake up call and has put so much into perspective. i am excited to see where life takes me and how i can use these skills in the future.
this book was excellent i feel that this book was almost meant for me. this book has been one of the most impactful books i have read in a very long time. it has been a wake up call and has put so much into perspective. i am excited to see where life takes me and how i can use these skills in the future.
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