How Not to Kill Yourself Lib/E: A Survival Guide for Imaginative Pessimists

by Set Sytes, Faith G. Harper

A highly imaginative and relatable guide for anyone who needs the reassurance that suicide is never worth it.Are you inclined to escape the crumminess of everyday life into fantasy worlds? Are you smart and imaginative in a way that isn't really suited to your surroundings? Are you definitely misunderstood, likely angry, and almost certainly depressed? Set Sytes, hailing from the UK, would prefer you stay alive and sort things out rather than the alternative, thanks. He figures there are better opportunities for you out there and lays it all out in a way that's compelling, funny, sharp, and useful. This zine turned book (please don't call it a self-help guide, asks the author) is ultimately about how to be a person in the world. It can be done non-miserably, we promise.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Audiobook, Psychology, Humor, Health

Audio CD

First published January 29, 2015

About the author

Author and purveyor of all things fantastical, dark and weird.

Please don't feed him onions.

Reviews

[Bogdan Balostin · Rating 5 out of 5]

It may not be the most accurate medical book that deals with depression and anxiety, but it is probably the most honest one. Because, yes, sometimes the only thing keeping us alive is our favorite TV show or our favorite book series and the curiosity to find out the ending. Yes, sometimes the reason is so shallow.

It must also be that the advice (which is not advice) is so relatable to me personally, as this book is a special type of depression, that is either caused by so many external factors that is hard to keep track of all or one that is always there, with no real causes, except a clear view of the world and not being able to accept the only way of living life available to some of us.

It is also a book clearly dedicated to the imaginative pessimists, a certain type of people who cannot accept the rose-tinted glasses of positive psychology, as that goes against every rule of logic and experience (though recently, positive psychology was proven a scam, negative feelings having a strong role in regulating our mental wellbeing).

So no matter if you're having a bad day or a bad life, there are reasons to keep on struggling, even if they're made of just curiosity about weird shit nobody else cares.

[kyky · Rating 3 out of 5]

i am still alive, but not thanks to this book. i just have things to do. it was lowkey funny though.

[Yolanda Fleming · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm still alive, so I guess it's worth reading.

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 Disclaimer: Have never been suicidal, but do have sh#tty days and usually like to read something like this around the New Year. Picked this up at Microcosm Publishing in Portland over the winter break and it was nice to discover a no nonsense, no positive thinking, and more importantly, nerdy pep talk for creatives.I found the author's love of the Gotham TV show relatable and endearing. No apologies. Loving what you love keeps life's super villains away.

[Becci · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a refreshing, profanity laden, blunt and unapologetic take on self-help books. I don’t think it’s meant to be life changing or the cure for clinical depression, there’s no secrets or truths that I now know that I didn’t before.

However, sometimes it is really validating and comforting to hear your experience echoed in someone else’s voice. It is also a relief to stumble across a person who shares your dark or self-deprecating humour, so that you’re able to indulge it without causing a fuss or shock to others who process difficulties differently.

There were, of course, some aspects of this that don’t comfortably or entirely fit my experiences. There were certain notes of advice or encouragement that works by appealing to ego or a flair for the creative or dramatic that I just didn’t relate to. At times, this did feel like a take on mental health from a male perspective too. Saying that, when the conversation surrounds depression and suicide, men are an underrepresented voice and so I am very glad this has been given a platform to reach other males who may be in the same headspace.

As a quick listen, that’s free with Audible plus and easily accessible when I was having a tough morning, I can’t really fault it.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was drawn to the title because I thought it should properly be called "How to Not Kill Yourself" (and I remain of that view), then, because it looked like a young person's view of depression and suicidality, a useful perspective as I've not fitted the descriptor "Young Person" for some time.

So: I think it's an excellent resource for young adults, being written in an engaging (sweary) way, and, actually, I found it personally helpful, so I'd recommend it for us fossils, too. Also, like the author, I love the TV show Gotham, so I kind of bonded with him over that!

[Alaina]

the title of this book caught my eye and i really enjoyed it. it’s kinda light hearted but serious at the same time. me gusta

[Bells · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars is maybe too generous
It does the classic “ I’m not like other self help books” whilst being exactly like all self help books. Likes to tell you facts about you as If it can possibly grasp the individual that the reader is .
There were funny parts which helped a lot with the enjoyment but I don’t feel I gained anything significant to actually help a person . The introduction was annoying and there were parts where I was incredibly frustrated .
Try “ reasons to stay alive” by Matt Haig, it’s a million times better and probably saved my life

[Brooks · Rating 2 out of 5]

(doing the diplomatic voice) While I Am Sincerely Glad That This Is Certainly A Meaningful Book And Powerful Resource To Many Readers, I Personally Did Not Care For It, As I Found The Tone Quite Grating. But Just Because The Author And I Have Different Comic Sensibilities, Doesn't Mean Either Of Us Are In The Wrong. Respect

[Ruth Feiertag · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were so many things I appreciated about this book: the honesty, the forthright discussion of major depression and suicide, and the perspective-giving humour. All these aspects were refreshing; all made me feel that I had at last picked up a book that accurately described the experience of living with depression.

But I was disappointed when, toward the end, the author fell back on the sorts of bromides he promised to avoid. For example, on page 105, we are told “Fitting a triangle into a square-shaped hole doesn’t work too well, and it’ll be frustrating to try. But just wait until you find that triangle-shaped hole.” The chapter ends there; there are no suggestions for finding that triangular aperture in the midst of debilitating melancholy.

And worse, to me at least, is the chapter on “Change,” one introduced by Aurelius’ quotation “Our life is what our thoughts make it,” a formulation that leads to the conclusion that depressed folks have only ourselves to blame and if we’d just take ourselves in hand, we’d be fine and see that we live in the best of all possible worlds. To be fair, in an earlier chapter, on page 95, in the list of phrases that do not help and might make things worse, the author includes “You should try to think happy thoughts” and similar sentiments, and here he is quite right. But the last chapter falls prey to the very evils we are advised earlier to eschew, and what would have been a completely satisfying read finishes by falling back on “This too shall pass.”

To end on a more positive note, Mr. Sytes provides a list of phrases to search on the Internet to promote greater understanding. And my disappointment with the last few chapters does not dilute the fact that most of the book is courageous and left me feeling less alone.

[Rebee · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you or anyone you have ever known has struggled with depression and suicidal ideation you should read this book. It is short and funny and also covers lots of helpful topics while also not being filled with positive mantras or platitudes. This is a book by someone who knows what it feels like and understands. It is also the best book I have read so far this year. I would give it 6 stars if I could.

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

A quick read with tips that feel real and doable. Written by someone who has clearly been depressed so there's less of the just be happy feeling

[Jason Dark · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.6

This is a great little (non)self-help self-help book. It's good for any young person going through depression or dark times in their life and offers useful methods and helpful advice in combating associated negative thoughts.

This books comes in short chapters with accompanying drawings by the author. It's not only entertaining to read, but truly helpful. I actually had to put it down a few times because of how relatable the content was. The book is very humorous and bawdy throughout, but then suddenly a bit of advice or personal thought by the author really hits home. Reading the list in the section "Who the Hell are You?" really spoke to me. Usually when I've read portions of books with if-any-of-these-are-you sections, at times I have related to one or two. But, in this instance literally every bullet point. All 15 of them. It was eerily accurate and at that early point in reading, I knew I could take this book very seriously.

You can tell when writing, the author cared about his prospective reader and truly wants to make a connection. I think at times however the author relies a bit too heavily on the reader's knowledge of American media, often making references as if common knowledge. He also uses a lot of explicit language to get the point across that this is meant to be a light-hearted book, arguably too much. I suppose those two devices he uses, American media references and swearing, is a tell for who the target audience is. Either way, effective in grabbing and redirecting attention.

Overall a great book that I'd recommend to any angry and depressed person who wants a bit of a different perspective on their situation. Also for anyone who appreciates a good laugh whilst reading:

"Behaviour leading to self-actualization:

You prefer to try knew things rather than being a Boring Brian (truly sorry if that's actually your name--forge your own path Brian, don't let your name define you!)"

Definitely give this book a try. And oh lastly, I hope the author has recovered since the cancellation of Gotham. I'm sure David Mazouz commiserates with you.

[Rozarka · Rating 4 out of 5]

I, personally, did not vibe with the author's sense of humor as much as I'd like, but on the other hand the audiobook's narrator sounded just like Wayne from Mistborn era 2 so there is that.

[Kira · Rating 5 out of 5]

Idk bro I loved this, I would’ve loved it even more in my darkest times

[Chantelle Melia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Okay so I went for this coz it was a short book but my god it doesn’t half drag on. I wouldn’t recommend this book. 👎

It might help others who need to see the funny side of mental health but I just didn’t understand it

I’m sorry

[Jes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing revolutionary. Basically, it is encouraging an apathetic and/or depressed individual to survive out of spite and find the most simple reasons to stay alive. Stay alive because books. Because music. Because coffee is delicious....

[Sümeyye · Rating 3 out of 5]

İt was a good book but not that heplfull in my opinion. Because yes, the things it says are true and need to be acknowledged when you're depressed but I don't think a depressed person would like to hear these things. So I'm not sure what to really think about this book.

[Visola · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love a book with a candid, dark tone. Set Sytes did not disappoint. This book was a bit heavy-handed at times, but that was part of the dark tone. Starting out trying to shake up his readers to get them to follow along is a great strategy, but often feels like you're being hammered over the head with the book. This is not a criticism. I wasn't reading this from anywhere near a suicidal place. I was reading because I was about to begin a week of toasting with people I haven't seen in a decade and 90% of our toasts were, "To still being alive."

After we finished trying to get readers to follow, the book became a conglomeration of reminders (other people care about you and love you), lists (try to get these things done or think about these things so you believe in the future), and more general self-help tips. I love that all of these were stock full of doom humor. I wouldn't have been able to finish the book if they hadn't.

Finally, we nearly end with what may become one of my favorite quotes. "There could be a nuclear war that lays all the greenness of the land and all the beautiful animal life to waste, and afterwards some hermit will emerge from his bunker and say, 'The world is actually all right today,' and still be correct, just as right as he'd be if he'd said, 'Oh, for fuck's sake.'"

In short, thank you, Set, for taking the time with your darkness to put this on paper. We all need reminders.

[Kristina Carrera · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the better non traditional self-help books available.

Some of these reviews seem to note they felt the author was too cynical. The author makes it very clear at the beginning of the book who the intended audience for this guidance. That being said, it’s a very no-nonsense, “real life” approach to depression and anxiety. I appreciated the ideas of reclaiming and redirecting anger. The author being a serious pessimist themself offered some insight into what thoughts can look like in the darkest corners of our mind. He spoke in ways that relate directly to this specific, lonely type of darkness, allowing those in that place a way to really feel seen.

A definite must read if spiritual and traditional self help books just don’t feel realistic or practical to you.

[Rasha Zayed · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice 📖 with simple thoughts like ..

Write reasons simple reason to stay alive , things not person not working nothing, just things gives you pleasure, things you like, like cake, movies, 📚📚, 🎵🎶
Another List for negative and positive about yourself, people, world , relationships
Listen to yourself, adebtatio we adebt to fit the world in so many ways.

Helping yourself in any small way can, what makes you feel better, what makes you better person, what makes life easier.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Staying alive with a brain bent on self annihilation, in a world that doesn't necessarily value your worth, is the ultimate radical act.

Avoid phrases like cheer up, you should think happy thoughts, get over it, other people have it worse than you.

Create a list of simple reasons to stay alive. It should not include family, friends, careers or ambitions. It should include specific foods, future video games, rain, music and cuddly animals.

[Andreea · Rating 2 out of 5]

A bit too edgy for me, I'm not that cynical. But somehow, between the pessimism, the skepticism, I found some hope, encouragement, and some good advice for the creative misfit in me. It was quite easy to read too, so if you're too depressed to read, like I am, this is doable, haha.

[William Hobbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really good book as someone that has spent more than a minute considering opting out. I can tell you there is a ton of good information in it as well as a ton of information if you know someone that might be considering.

[MS Meagher · Rating 5 out of 5]

No-nonsense, clear, candid, relatable guide to improving mental health and decreasing suicidality. Highly recommended. Narration for the audiobook is excellent.

[Catherben (Noah) · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was fine. Some info was helpful. The tone of the book wasn't for me.

[Angy · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I saw this book in the library, I was immediately intrigued by the title, so I decided to check it out. As it turns out, I am exactly the target audience. A childish cynic with a slightly fucked-up sense of humor who is overwhelmed with the world and prefers living inside my own head. And, honestly, one who often wants to be dead.

I think that this guide's strength is the voice of its author, Set Sytes. He gets what depression is like, and doesn't sugar-coat it. His voice is quite darkly humorous, which makes the book an interesting read. There are even some cute drawings scattered throughout which really match the words he says. And if you are in fact an imaginative pessimist, he gets what it's like to live in your head. I relate to everything that he has shared about himself, I almost vibe with him on a spiritual level. Here's one of my favorite quotes from the book:

Knowing you'll never take the plunge doesn't make it any easier--in fact, that makes it worse. The comprehension that you will have to stick it out until the final whistle blows can be overwhelming, exhausting in its misery. Seeing the wasteland spread out before you, disappearing over the horizon, can feel like the ultimate gunshot of depression--a torture with no end in sight, an infinity of shit.

He knows that sugar-coating depression, and force-feeding the reader sappy positive shit, as what is done in many other self-help books, is unhelpful. He doesn't want us to get rid of our cynicism. And that's what, for me, makes this "survival guide" so refreshing.

"Believe it, and it will come true." Okay, here goes. I believe I can fly. *Takes the leap.*
Oh. I see. Thanks for that, I've just broken both my legs.

So, I ended up giving this book a 4/5. I do not think that I have learned anything new from this book. Many of the tips Sytes recommends to help us survive are things that I already do to cope with the misery of living. Such as playing video games, listening to music, even productive activities such as writing. However, I must say it is nice to reread his perspective on these things, at the very least as a reminder of what can be helpful, and sometimes because he uses good metaphors.

Jokes defang. They rob power from things that hurt us. There's that old adage: if you take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive. You've heard it a lot, no doubt, but it's still perfectly true. Humor will put its hands on its hips and stare these monsters head-on and sap their strength.

Overall, I think that this is a good read. For starters, it's super short. Also, Sytes understands his target audience, his writing contains empathy but doesn't coddle. If you think of yourself as an imaginative pessimist, I'd recommend for you to check this book out.

[Chanda Ferguson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I truly think this book could be really beneficial for people struggling with suicidal thoughts or idealization, or perhaps even mental health in general to a degree. The candid humor in contrast to the devastatingly dark topic was refreshing, and though it wasn’t my type of humor, it wasn’t disruptive to the content or message.

I believe this book articulates perspectives, tips, goals, and recommendations for people struggling through a depressive episode that are realistic, obtainable, and practical. Some of these are suggestions I was already aware of, but there were quite a few I had never heard before. There were some that I thought would work quite well for Person #1 or another that might work for Person #2 in my own life (people struggling with suicidal thoughts), and as stated in the book, that’s the entire purpose. If it’s helping even a little bit- if it saves even one person- then it’s worth it.

Will this book cure you of your depression and give you all the understanding you need to cope with mental health issues or suicidal thoughts? No, because that’s not realistic. Does this book offer up solutions and suggestions to help you refrain from giving into suicidal thoughts or idealization? Yes, and I think for a topic without a lot of direct or straightforward resources, this is very beneficial.

Without the language, I think this would’ve been a really great resource for someone who is just realizing, diagnosing, or trying to understand depression, suicide, etc. Since this happens for a lot of people at a young age, I would say it’s disappointing that it can’t be a suggestion for them without hesitation, but I also think it could be humorous for them to experience that lightened mood, especially when grasping something so large in the beginning. This is a book that needed to be written, and I think that’s something really special to be able to say about a book.

[Will Daggett · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really quick read or listen (it's free on audible if you have a membership) that can provide a really good understanding of what a depressive episode is like (in my experience) for those who don't deal with it, and can provide a lot of advice for those out there who are still learning to deal with it.

The only reason I'm giving it four starts rather than five is because the quality of one piece of advice I disagreed strongly with, the piece being that you should give the people closest to you a warning about potential dark times before they come. Yes, you should give them a warning, but the way he wrote it made it seem to shift the burden of responsibility of your depression and your being in a difficult mood on others, and that during those times they need to treat you special. It's bad advice, because they won't treat you special, and if they do they shouldn't. Asking for a bit of understanding is fair, but anything above that is a gift and not something that you should reasonably expect, especially when an episode can last anywhere from a day to a year (or more, unfortunately).

For all of my putting the negative first, the rest of the book was really great: the focus on what depression makes you feel like, the value of anger and resentment (but not necessarily having hate or holding grudges), the value of productivity and taking care of yourself, and examples of outlets that can be used to pull oneself out of a depressive episode. Other topics were covered too, such as medication (framed tactfully) and dark humor. All of it was written in British black humor, which made a book on such a difficult subject a pretty fun experience.

Definitely would recommend to anyone facing depression or looking to understand it better.

[MountainAshleah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Audio. Highly recommended for young adults, people who resist therapy but need it, people who don't have a clue about depression but need to, etc. This book is short on psychology and long on practical kick in the butt advice, basic advice that's very palatable. For example, his list of reasons to stay alive includes his favorite television series, video games, graphic novels, that kind of thing. He advises people to get angry at black thoughts rather than succumb to them, and gets angry for the listener, which is very powerful on audio. His chapter on meds is good, too, for the resistant. It's a short book, too, which appeals to many. Thus, my four star rating. But, if you're more familiar with the genre that addresses suicide and depression, you won't find too much here. I don't succumb to either but have a terrible family history so I read more as a shield than a sword. (And it's worked for me, either I escaped the darkness entirely, not true, or I learned how to manage it, true, and without medication, and fortunately no longer by binge eating, ugh, which is what i did in my young adult years.) This book is probably not going to solve for the clinically depressed who tequire hospitalization but i don't think that's the audience.

So, overall, this is a valuable book that maybe should be required reading at the high school level, given they are already exposed to so much awful crap, who cares about openly addressing suicide, my goodness. It's all around them.