Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved

by Yong Kang Chan

Don’t wait for your parents to apologize or love you. Heal your hurt inner child now with this reparenting self-help book.

Do you have unresolved issues with your parents?

Were your emotional needs not met as a child?

Are you still secretly craving for their love and approval?

If so, this book is for you.

Written by someone who overcame childhood emotional neglect, this book is especially suitable for those who have emotionally immature, absent, or unavailable parents.

Download — Parent Yourself Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to Be Loved

Our relationship with our parents often stays the same because we hope one day, they will change and treat us differently. But when they don’t, this leaves us feeling disappointed, frustrated, resentful, and hurt.

Instead of waiting for them to give us the affirmations and validations we need, the best way to improve our relationship with them is to change ourselves and fulfill the needs of our inner child.

Be Your Own Parent

The purpose of this book is to help you learn how to love yourself and be a good parent to your inner child. What your parents failed to do for you in the past, you can do it for yourself now.

In this book, you’ll

The dynamics of a parent-child relationshipHow your childhood might have affected your adult lifeWhy is it difficult to change your parentsHow to grow your inner parentHow to heal your inner child and take care of its needsThe different protective mechanisms you have adopted subconsciously that prevent you from loving yourselfParent Yourself Again is a simple book for self-reflection and self-exploration. If you want a better relationship with yourself and your parents, read this book.

Scroll to the top of the page and get a copy of Parent Yourself Again now!

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Parenting, Mental Health, Personal Development, Health

184 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 28, 2018

About the author

"Being Peaceful when the Mind is Noisy"

Doing more and achieving more don’t always make you happy. When you have low self-esteem and a critical voice in your head, it’s tough to enjoy your life in peace. Reaching your goals is important, but you have to enjoy the process too.

In his books, Yong Kang provides insights on self-compassion and mindfulness to help you be kinder to yourself and transcend your suffering. Unlike other psychology and spiritual books, his content is easy to understand. He uses simple, modern examples in life to explain complex concepts and ideas. You can learn the teachings in his books without any technical or scientific knowledge.

Best known as “Nerdy Creator” online, Yong Kang is both analytical and creative. If someone like him can overcome depression and his noisy mind, you can do it too.

Learn how you can live a peaceful life by checking out his books below.

Connect with him via these social media platforms:

Website: http://www.nerdycreator.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NerdyCreator
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nerdycreator/

Reviews

[Haniye_Mirkamali · Rating 3 out of 5]

۱۴۰۲/۱۲/۰۷
ارزش خوندن داشت..
اونجایی که گفت ما دلیل اینکه از پدر و مادرمون میرنجیم اینه که عمیقا دوستشون داریم، خیلی برام عجیب بود..
یاد حرف تراپیستم افتادم که بهم گفت یکی از دلایل حال بدت اینه که بین عشق و نفرت گیر کردی.. عمیقا پدر و مادرت رو دوسداری ولی ازشون متنفری که چه کارهایی باهات کردند..
صفحات آخر کتاب عین صحبت های تراپیستم بود، این که ناامید شو از تغییر پدر و مادرت..
و خودت زندگیتو نجات بده :))

[Marci · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was originally thinking I’d give this book three stars. Most of it is stuff I’d heard before. The author did say he’s not a professional and this book is mostly based on his experiences. So it’s very much a laymen’s self help book. I think it would be very helpful for people who are just beginning the journey of dealing with childhood hurt. What made me give the book four stars instead of three was reading chapter eight about blame. That chapter hit me hard in a good way and included some thoughts that were new to me. So if you want deep psycho analysis this is not your book. But it is an easy read that can certainly be helpful.

[Kathi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is awesome. It helped me to dig deeper into my own mental health and how to get better at supporting myself.

One thing were i cant agree with the book is propably the positivity and the feeling of completly forgiving your parents. As somebody who was abused, for me there is a line where i cant fully forgive. Perhaps thats sth to work on, on the other hand i would have liked to read more about boundaries and walking away as selfcare. Unsure if thats sth i could have gotten here, its propably nothing thats 'normal' in the Asian culture?

[Maciej Bliziński · Rating 5 out of 5]

My inner child approves of this book for full give stars.
My inner patent decided to not criticize this decision.

[Tim Curtis · Rating 2 out of 5]

"Parent Yourself Again: Love Yourself the Way You Have Always Wanted to be Loved" by Yong Kang Chan (2018) seemed promising but it was not objective enough to be the indisposable tool I was expecting.

One big grievance I have with this book occurred in Chapter 4 "The Responsibilities of your Inner Parent". Here we are given a situation from Chan's personal experience during a seminar at an entrepeneur program in Bali. The Chef makes a bold and problematic statement when they say that Mum's know best, especially when it comes to feeding their children. This is an example of lazy teaching because it is not always true- in fact I would go so far as to say it is a waste of breath employed as a time filler on the Chef's behalf.
I was impressed to read that Chan confronted that by saying that his Mum buys junkfood for them all the time because this shows how lazy the Chef had been.
I was angered by the Chef's retort, which showed a blatant disregard for the growth of her student and how egotistical she was, but then I found myself outraged by Chan's submissive, self-deflating attitude.
YOU WERE RIGHT CHAN, YOU WERE RIGHT, AND THE CHEF, WHOEVER SHE WAS, DESERVED TO BE TOLD THAT AND TO BE ARGUED WITH FURTHER.

It is this that has led me to believe that this book is not hugely helpful. I think it has been written too much from a personal point of view and not from an educated, obective one, to have the use that I was hoping for. Also the book should have been proof-read because there are many grammatical errors.

However I did read the book from cover to cover and I enjoyed most of what I read. Hopefully, given time and experience, Yong Kang Chan can blossom as a writer and a thinker. Its two main problems were a) too personal, and b ) not proofed properly.

[Gary Boland · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author's good intentions and genuine first hand experiences shine through but I couldn't relate to his abstraction of an inner child and inner parent

[Nilo0 · Rating 4 out of 5]

کتاب خوب و مفیدی بود.

برخلاف چیزی که از کتاب به نظر میاد که اگه عشقی که لایفش بودید رو از والدینتان نگرفتید این کتاب رو باید بخونید، حتی اگه مشکلی با این موضوع نداشتید هم این کتاب حرف‌هایی برای گفتن داره.
چون همه ما درونمون علاوه بر کودک درون، والد درون هم داریم و باید بین این دو تعادل برقرار کنیم.

والد درون ما مثل والدینمون وظیفه حمایت پرورش و تربیت کودک درون رو به‌عهده داره و دونستن در این مورد بهمون کمک می‌کنه مانع آسیب. این دو به هم بشیم و ازشون در جهت کمک به یکدیگر استفاده کنیم.

نویسنده چون خودش اهل سنگاپوره و مانند اکثر آسیایی‌ها تا زمان ازدواج در خانه زندگی می‌کرده، برای ما تجربیات ملموسی داره که چگونه اختلاف نوع عشق ورزیدن و رفتار والدین رو درک کنیم و درنهایت اگه عشق که لایقش بودیم رو ازشون دریافت نکردیم، حالا که بالغ شدیم، یاد بگیریم والد درونمون این عشق رو به کودک درونمون تقدیم کنه.

[Marie Nurdulet · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was an engaging book about a relationship to yourself and your parents. Moreover, it explains a lot about how to nurture your inner child and manage unbearable thoughts and feelings of anger, which appeared because of childhood trauma. I am amazed how the author perfectly explained about why we need to forgive people and advantages of it. This book will be a perfect bandage to cover wounds of future readers.

[Mahdieh Ebrahimi · Rating 2 out of 5]

These kind of books are not as helpful as they look because they are not written by experts and also are only based on one individual experience. At the same time it feels like this person has work a lot on themselves.

[Kelly Payne · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️

[Alina · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really, really tried to like this book since it has so many 4 and 5 ⭐️ reviews, especially on Amazon (I read in a Kindle).
Plus, the author seems like a nice person who’s been going through a lot with his parents.
So I’m guessing that maybe he wrote the book mostly for himself, as a part of his own therapy while trying to deal with his parents ? In which case it would’ve made more sense to write this as a memoir and not as an advise book for the readers and also write it from a first person point of view and not from a second person point of view (since I person all couldn’t relate with his sayings most of the time) ? I don’t know.
I also don’t really see the point in writing a book on such a complex subject (emotional neglect, growing up with narcissistic parents etc) if you are not an expert on the subject ?
I mean there are great self help books out there written by psychologists and doctors, so why would you listen to a book without any scientific evidence, as the author himself says at the beginning ?

Again, the author sounds like a nice person who’s been through a lot because of his parents and I really hope he went to therapy and got professional help…
As for the book, I simply couldn’t relate; managed to force myself to go half way but decided to abandon reading it at 50% ‘cause it’s just not for me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I personally prefer science-based books 📚 like those written by Lindsay C Gibson PsyD, Jonice Webb Phd, Gabor Maté MD etc.

[Maricruz Ramirez · Rating 1 out of 5]

In the preface, Chan writes, “If you are looking for something technical, complex, or extensively researched, this book might not be suitable for you.”
And he was absolutely right!
This book should have been a memoir written in first-person because it offers no useful information for individuals (like myself) who have survived actual abusive, narcissistic, emotionally-immature parents.
The last two chapters (“End the Blame Game” and “Accept Your Parents”) were especially infuriating. In fact, the following excerpt from the final chapter is the reason I absolutely HAD to write this review:
“Don’t ask why other people have parents who are nurturing and supportive, but you have parents who are abusive, unreasonable, and difficult to deal with… Everyone’s lesson is different. If this is the lesson that has been given to you, it means that this is the area you need growth in, so make the best of it.”
I genuinely got a headache trying to make sense out of this clusterfuck of nonsense.
Save your time and read literally anything else.

[Stefan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The most memorable sections were in chapter 8 and 9 where the authors shares his insights on blame, resentment, forgiveness and acceptance which makes it worth sitting through the previous ones. I'm taking away some interesting thoughts on the inner parent protecting their ego identity versus genuinely addressing the needs of the inner child. Ceasing to seek external validation and instead prioritizing self approval in our adulthood by letting go of our ego will make us more authentic. Some lessons from the author regarding our relationship with our parents can be applied likewise to friendships and romantic relationships.

[Muhammad Omar · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dot giving yourself doesn't mean being desperate to reconnect with parents

Some parents are open to learning. Some weren't abusive scum. However if they were abusive scum and not open to learning then ignore the part of this book where he tries to say the parents didn't mean to be cruel. Some definitely didn't but many definitely did. For those parent urself and be there for those you love. Don't let tyrants take your energy and life from you:)

[Cecilia Rossi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple, claro, ÚTIL.
Un libro que quisiera que todos los humanos leyeramos.

[Redflower272 · Rating 2 out of 5]

I gave it 2 stars instead of 1 just because it had a few valid points. Like “You don’t need your parents to love you in the ways you need them to. You can love yourself now. Be your own parent.”
But the chapters about blame, forgiveness and acceptance were awful. To sum it up for you - no matter how abusive and neglectful your parents were/still are and all of the damage they’ve caused you… They did the best they could and no one is perfect. So don’t hold them accountable. Forgive them, accept them and find a way to love them for who they are…
DON’T read this book if you’re trying to connect with your inner child. Especially not if you know or if you suspect you had a rough childhood, suffered abuse, neglect etc. It seems to me that the author himself has horrible parents and struggles with a major case of cognitive dissonance to make some sense of the situation and stay in the relationship with them.

[Bethany Woodcock · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author acknowledges this isn't a self help book but just one person writing about their experiences and hoping that the reader would find some sort of comfort in someone else going through the same thing.

This book helped me understand why I often put others needs before myself even it was painful, and it even helped me with understanding why I stayed in a difficult past relationship so long and made so many excuses to stay. It helped me understand why I desperately seeked approval and praise at work even for menial tasks.

It showed me how upbringing can have an impact on your life forever (if you let it) even when you no longer live with your family. But it also shows you how to forgive and reconcile with your 'inner child' and to take the first step to heal low self esteem. Yong Kang Chan has a series of books and I'll definitely be reading those too!

[David Tomlinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful book

I was a little cynical when the book began with "if you're looking for a book supported by science and research then this isn't it", but I soon found the author to be insightful and wise. His breaking down of the relationship between yourself and your parents, and your inner parent and child feels intuitively right. And his advice on how to remedy this, resolve the tensions between our sub-personalities, and those we have with our parents is extremely helpful.

I'd have liked more practical examples of and methods for peeling away the layers of hurt and protection in the psyche, as I'm left unsure how to approach this. I can speak to my inner child as a loving and guiding parent, but that doesn't feel like the kind of heavy work that's required.

Still, as an introductory text I can really recommend this.

[Ellahe · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Understand what our inner child needs. They want to be loved and valued."

Growing up in a family with parents who couldn't love themselves let alone their child, though they tried to be better than their parents and tbh that's what we do, to be a level better than our parents!

I started this book because I was furious and could feel it burning my heart. I believe if you're angry maybe you blame your parent or friends or partner BUT deep down is YOU that you are angry with.

So here's a quote from Paramahansa Yogananda "If you want to be sad, no one in the world can make you happy. But if you make up your mind to be happy, no one and nothing on earth can take that happiness from you."

Moral of the story: Love your inner child, kid, and don't expect people to act as you expected even your parents －O－

[Infidelity Recovery · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. After a traumatic incident in my life made me take stock of my more negative habits and where they may have come from. One thing I realised was that the parenting example that I had was not the greatest, and that a lot of my difficulties with self esteem and caring for others at my detriment come from this difficulty.

The book talks about the habits that we build because of our parents attitude and parenting of us. It's illuminating and explained SO much to me about my past and present behaviours which have been negative for me and particularly things I've displayed in relationships.

I found this book incredibly helpful and it helped me put together a lot of things which was deeply helpful. It's written in a light and fun way too.

[Joyce · Rating 2 out of 5]

I disagreed with some of his statements and fundamentally found it difficult and unintuitive to relate to his abstraction and binary split of the inner child-self and inner parent-self.

Given the author opens with a disclaimer that this is not a scientifically researched, evidence-based professional book, I wish there were more anecdotes from his own perspective and experiences. The stories were the best part. In fact, I wish this was just a personal memoir tracing how his relationship with his parents and himself has evolved over his life. I came to resent being told "You feel" or "You might think." BRUH - you don't know what I'm thinking or feeling. I would've been less offended if it was written solely in first or third person POV.

[Anna Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting book for those who wish to parent their inner child, that was neglected by those who should have parented the child. I found it very easy to read, not full of mumbo jumbo. Great tips and exercises you can tell yourself which will help you learn how to love yourself especially if starved of love as a child. Lots of tips you can write down and practice daily. As the saying goes ''Practice Makes Perfect''. It is my 1st book by this author, I was impressed as it comes from his heart/own experiences. It is in no way boring. He recommends other useful book one can purchase if you so wish by professionals. I would recommend this book 100% . In my opinion I thought it was very well written

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simplicity itself - an easy read.
This is what I call a layperson’s read. Very accessible and jargon free written from a perspective of an insightful individual who shares his nuggets of wisdom synthesised from spiritual writings, a dash of attachment theory, a sprinkling of TA, and other rather useful things. He read a fair few books so that you don’t have to. I say it’s not a bad book for someone just beginning to get to grips with their childhood issues. While it might offer little to a trainee practitioner it may be a valuable resource for those who contemplate entering therapy to address their concerns.

[Haley Merkley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Therapist recommended this. It’s not a workbook but kind of feels like one in presentation: each chapter, information is given and then questions are posed for you to ask yourself.

This is as simple as it gets. It is not a deep dive into self analyzing and doesn’t give you major tools to move forward but it’s an alright intro to learning about the inner child and find out where you are at. The beginning is informative and then it becomes repetitive after that.

It’s nice to not be overwhelmed with action items or information overload from literary supplementation so I can see why this was recommended but *for me* this was almost too simple that it felt like it wasn’t worth my time.

[Victoria · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book! Although I feel like most of the stuff was pretty practical & common sense but I think that’s because I have read a few books on these particular topics/themes therefore I would say it’s really ideal for someone starting of their journey of self growth, healing, love & acceptance. I liked the relating of our inner parent & inner child to how we live our life now which helped me do a lot of self reflection. I have already recommended this book to several friends.

[STACEY EVANS · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant!

Loved this book. I was curious of the idea of being your own ‘inner parent’ and nurturing your ‘inner child’, but the concept is a solid one, and very empowering. I’ve consolidated the ideas of healing past trauma with moving forward and nurturing myself as an adult, and my inner child. Would recommend!

[Ha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing concept

I liked the concept and the sheer honesty.
I soothes my inner child at the end and cried.
Thank you for this book. We may not all have the same experiences growing up but we all need to revisit our experience and see what we can adjust to make us balanced adults. And this book contributes to that.

[Megan · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting approach to healing from those places your parents wounded, either unintentionally or intentionally. Yong Kang Chan writes in a way that is easy to read and very relatable. The premise of the book is learning to be your own parent so you may give yourself what your parents did not and heal from the areas wounded from the lack you perceived.

[Gabby Hurtado · Rating 4 out of 5]

I reccomended this book to those starting their self love/ mental health journey.

This book doesn't have all the answers but it can help get you started. I learned a lot about myself reading this book and I experienced a type of therapy for 6 months prior to reading this.

Although I wasn't at the beginning of my journey at the time I read this I felt like it still had an impact. 💛

[isabella cox]

This is a great book if you are newly getting into self help, it makes you see a bigger perspective and you can apply things you learn in this book to more then just a parent and child relationship. However if you are already aware of most of the basics of self help and are looking for something a bit more in depth this book probably isn’t for you.