A Beginner's Guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death

by B.J. Miller, Shoshana Berger

The first-ever practical, compassionate, and comprehensive guide to dying - and living fully until you do.

“There is nothing wrong with you for dying,” palliative care Doctor BJ Miller and Shoshana Berger write in A Beginner’s Guide to the End. “Our ultimate purpose here isn’t so much to help you die as it is to free up as much life as possible until you do.”

Theirs is a clear-eyed and big-hearted action plan for approaching the end of life, created to help listeners feel more in control of an experience that so often seems anything but. Their audiobook offers everything from step-by-step instructions for how to do your paperwork and navigate the health-care system to answers to questions you might be afraid to ask your doctor, like whether or not sex is still okay when you’re sick. You’ll be walked through how to break the news to your employer, whether to share old secrets with your family, how to face friends who might not be as empathetic as you’d hoped, and how to talk to your children about your will. (Don’t If anyone gets snippy, it’ll likely be their spouses, not them.) There are also lessons for survivors, like how to shut down a loved one’s social media accounts, clean out the house, and write a great eulogy.

An honest, surprising, and detailed-oriented guide to the most universal of all experiences, A Beginner’s Guide to the End is the one audiobook that everyone needs.

Genres: Nonfiction, Death, Self Help, Health, Philosophy, Psychology, Medical

576 pages, Audible Audio

Published July 16, 2019

Reviews

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Beginner's Guide to the End is a definitive guide about death and how to handle it, both for yourself and your loved ones.

Topics range from planning your estate and dealing with life-ending illnesses all the way through to what to do in the first 24 hours after someone dies and how to liquidate an estate.

I could see this book being incredibly useful to anyone who has received a terminal diagnosis, their family or caregivers of all types.

I picked this book up because my father-in-law recently died and I was looking for information on how to help myself and others with grief.

"Grief is a force of nature. Though it can feel problematic as hell, bereavement is an essential piece of the human picture, whichever way it surfaces. pg 420

I learned all about that, but also a bunch of other helpful end-of-life details. For example, I knew nothing about the legalities of transporting and spreading cremated remains. Now, I know.

"A friend snuck down to the field of the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum at half-time and dumped some of his father's dust at the fifteen-yard line. His pop, a doctor, had been a hard-core Raiders fan, and though his son knew he was doing something illegal, he felt a jolt of joy, knowing that part of his father would always be in that stadium." pg 459

The text in this book is printed slightly larger than normal, which could be exactly what is needed for elderly readers.

Highly recommended for anyone who needs some guidance about death-related issues.

[Stacy (Gotham City Librarian) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This might seem like an odd choice given that I am on the early cusp of "Middle Age," but there are people close to me who are struggling and I would rather be armed with knowledge and prepared for the inevitable. 

The book addresses both the dying individual and the role of caregiver. It covers every step of the process, from paperwork to Hospice vs. Palliative Care options to planning funeral arrangements and much more. Every topic is handled honestly but also with respect. I appreciated the candor of both authors involved. They advocate for making your own informed decisions regarding your end of life care, and choosing your treatment if diagnosed with an illness. There is a wealth of suggestions, lists and alternatives in here to help you, but none of it feels overwhelming.

I suppose that besides general information, my main goal for this read was to hopefully feel a little less anxious about the whole thing. In some respects, I do. There are teams of people out there to help with basically every step of the process, and you will never be entirely on your own if you have questions or want support. However, one thing is clear: you will need money and/or insurance in order to take care of yourself or to have yourself taken care of by others in your final days. I can barely pay my bills now, and I don’t expect to have any money in my old age, so I have no idea what that time of my life will look like. Some of the resources suggested in this guide are likely to be gone by the time I'm elderly. The best I can do is work with what I have, take things one day at a time, and live life in the present. But celebrating life is a message throughout this book, actually. Because even though it's mostly an informational resource, it does manage to be mildly encouraging. 

I do recommend this guide if you need help or want to know anything about how to handle the end of your life or that of a loved one.

[El Maya · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an incredible resource for anyone who is preparing for the inevitable. As a daughter who had little to no idea of how to navigate both the progression of dementia and then death of my father, this book would have been an invaluable road map. It addresses all aspects pertaining to the often gradual and painful march towards the end. This includes not simply getting your financial affairs in order, it addresses how to navigate illness, getting loved ones’ wishes and desires for end of life, as well as valuable information on navigating the medical system. I highly recommend this book for anyone who doesn’t want to be stuck saying ‘if only we had...’

[Dustin Hood · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book needs to be required reading for everyone! I've encountered one death where I was partially responsible for what happened after the passing of my loved one and was utterly clueless. As a survivor of a loved one, you don't know what to do until it happens to you and at that point, you're deep in grief and it's not the best time to be stressed by orchestrating the burial of a loved one. This book walked you through all of that and so, so much more. This book is also for everyone- it describes how to prepare for your passing so the burden of burial doesn't fall upon your loved ones. It answers a lot of question about death in various ways. For me, I've always been fascinated with death, not particularly in the morbid sense, but the unknowing of it all. This book covers a vast array of topics and while it's not written to entertain, I was very interested all the way through. Please read this book and share it with friends and loved ones, I know I will.

[Paul Pessolano · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A Beginners Guide to the End” by BJ Miller, MD and Shoshana Berger.

Category – Death Publication Date – July 16, 2019.

Most people will probably shun this book due to the subject matter, but I highly endorse this book as a must read for those who are dying and those who are caring for those who are dying.

This is the most comprehensive book I have ever read on any subject matter. Not all of the book will relate to any individual but it is a great pick and choose for which items pertain to a person’s situation.

I read the entire book but could have easily left out at least three quarters of the book because it did not pertain to my situation. However, the parts of the book of the book that did were not only eye opening but gave me great insight to avoid problems and making good decisions.

An example of an eye opener I did not know that you could op out of the gruesome procedure of embalming, especially if one is going to be cremated.

An example of helpfulness, you should get several copies of the death certificate because you will need them to close bank accounts, etc.

This book is just full of good information that can save one from spending


“A Beginners Guide to the End” by BJ Miller, MD and Shoshana Berger.

Category – Death Publication Date – July 16, 2019.

Most people will probably shun this book due to the subject matter, but I highly endorse this book as a must read for those who are dying and those who are caring for those who are dying.

This is the most comprehensive book I have ever read on any subject matter. Not all of the book will relate to any individual but it is a great pick and choose for which items pertain to a person’s situation.

I read the entire book but could have easily left out at least three quarters of the book because it did not pertain to my situation. However, the parts of the book of the book that did were not only eye opening but gave me great insight to avoid problems and making good decisions.

An example of an eye opener I did not know that you could op out of the gruesome procedure of embalming, especially if one is going to be cremated.

An example of helpfulness, you should get several copies of the death certificate because you will need them to close bank accounts, etc.

This book is just full of good information that can save one from spending unnecessary dollars on funeral expenses and how to relieve the stress of dying.

[Jessica K. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I am at the time of life where I need to buckle down and take care of my paperwork. We haven’t updated our wills since having children and this book demystifies all of the things that all responsible people need to take care of while they’re still healthy. Shoshana Berger’s background as founding editor of Readymade magazine gives her the perfect voice for the straightforward, step-by-step guidance this book provides. BJ Miller’s compassionate voice guides you through the medical system from the first diagnosis of illness to the final stages of life. The co-authors combined perspectives and experience weave together to set a tone that is loving, supportive, warm and clear. Having just lost the first of our parents, these chapters serve as an indispensable guide to navigating illness and end of life for family members. Everyone needs to own this book!

-Jessica Williams

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Initially I expected this book to be for a person who had discovered they were terminal. Kind of a 'How to Proceed" manual.
And it is in some ways. But it is also about how to find help with daily living, meals, income, medications...and how to plan for things like your funeral, how you will want your things disposed of after you are gone.
There are a great number of tips in this gold mine of a book.
One that made me think" Why didn't I think of that " was..get rid of what you don't want your kids to see.....like your sex toys.....REALLY got me thinking about all we collect in a lifetime that maybe others don't know about us...Maybe we want it to be that way for a reason. So, maybe we should find those lost love letters we cherish from our 7th grade beau and that our spouse may not see the same way?
There are tips about funerals, caskets, services. Wills, POAs, DNR, Living Wills. It also has tips for the person left behind after you go.
I highly recommend this book for anyone over 50. Dying or not.

[Denise D'angelo · Rating 5 out of 5]

How can I give a 5 star rating to a book about facing the end? I needed to read this book to sort of soften the edges of life, as it is in all its glory, but I didn't like having to read it at all, being the fairy tale romantic person I am. This is a wonderful book for those going through life, either dealing with a terminal illness or caring for someone you love who has one. It's practical, no nonsense style gets to the heart of everyday living in the present, and how to deal with the future and all it entails as the loved one passes on. Being a caregiver, I found the very help I needed and was surprised at how easy it was to read and digest. The two authors' bios were inspiring and they bring their expertise on every subject from empathy (great advice for caregivers in every chapter) to how to deal with healthcare (doctors and hospitals), to finding important documents and living your best life with your loved ones. I highly recommend this book, but I hope you don't need to read it just yet!

[Stephen Stilwell · Rating 3 out of 5]

1 Sentence Summary: A Beginner’s Guide To The End is your guide to using the principles of stillness, cleaning, and grief to prepare for your own or a loved one’s death.

Favorite quote from the author: "There is nothing wrong with you for dying, but you'd never know it from the way we talk about death."

Here are the 3 most helpful lessons about preparing for death that I’ve learned from this book:

1 Take time for yourself when you receive the news that you have a terminal illness.
2 Prepare for death by cleaning out your stuff, reconciling any secrets or regrets, and leaving something meaningful for your loved ones.
3 When one of your loved ones dies, don’t pressure yourself right after, let the grief come and go without resistance.

[Kristin · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an excellent resource for us all, but especially for those of us facing health issues or even end of life.

There is just so. much. work. to be done, practically, physically, emotionally and spiritually, that it's a great idea to start organizing your life and educating yourself sooner than later. This is best read by someone feeling generally well or someone caring for someone but who might not quite be in the "thick of it" yet. It is written in very large print with graphics, bullets and other helpful strategies to break up the information and make it "bite sized" but still will best be absorbed by someone able to concentrate well.

This book works great as a cover-to-cover read or used as a reference. The reference materials and organizations listed in the back of the book are wonderful, but will date over the years, so if you are reading this in 2025 or so or later, you may find some of the information out of date.

I educate people about cancer clinical trials all the time in the work that I do as a social worker, and did not like p. 120, where clinical trials are posed as experiments meant to help scientists, not patients. The point of most medical trials IS ABSOLUTELY TO HELP PATIENTS in the long run. Yes, patients ON those trials may not get the benefit they need from the trial, but they also might also get a lifesaving long term benefit from being on a clinical trial. I don't like the way these authors make it sound like you won't get something out of enrolling in a clinical trial. Clinical trials do NOT have to be a "last resort" option and, especially for cancer patients, may be life-changing in a very positive way.

The rest of the book is wonderful and well written, complete with little vignettes, examples, allegory and practical help like check lists. Despite my little quibble above, I give it five stars. I read this for work and didn't want to put it down even after my work was done for the day.

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is superb. It covers before, during, and after death for the caregivers, family, and of course the person who dies. With excellent advice, guidance, and to do lists, it really covers the all of the major issues to consider so you and those affected can be prepared. The authors have a huge amount of experience and training and thus are well qualified. Highly recommended, especially if you're afraid of the topic.

I really appreciate the ARC for review!!

[Kristy · Rating 5 out of 5]

First of all: Don't freak out or be sad -- while I do have stage 4 cancer, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon. Second of all: (Spoiler alert) We are all going to die, and so are all our loved ones. This book was described to me as a 'What to Expect When You're Expecting," but for dying instead of for giving birth, and that's pretty accurate! Written by a hospice doctor and a journalist / caregiver, this easy and (honestly) fun-to-read book covers the usual things like writing a will and getting your affairs in order but goes WAY beyond what other books in this category cover. Topics include emotional things like dealing with a diagnosis or grief, and practical things like symptom management, what to bring to the hospital, what dying is actually like, how many copies of a death certificate to request, funeral / burial options, and what services you can expect from hospice. As someone on the patient side of things, I really appreciated that the majority of the book was written directly to the patient, with sidebars for the caregivers, and didn't diminish our agency in this whole process. And as a librarian I loved the lists of resources by topic at the end of the book, as well as the very well crafted index. Overall it is just a remarkably clear-eyed, caring, practical, and comforting guide to something that comes into everyone's life more than once, but which we, as a culture, never want to face head on. If you are caring for an aging parent, dealing with your own illness, or are blessed enough to be hitting old age, this is a good book for you. Highly recommended.

[Trea · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good book that covers a plethora of practical advice on end of life topics. There were a few surprises for me. It’s a definitely a book I will keep around for reference now and in the future. We all have a death sentence the moment we are born. So why avoid the obvious?

[Lisa J Shultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was beautifully put together. It has tasteful illustrations, handy checklists, and no-nonsense language and advice.
The first section was entitled Planning Ahead. It fit well with my advocacy for not leaving a mess behind when you die. The rest of the book discussed dealing with illness, getting help, getting ready for death and what to do after someone dies. And the resource section at the back of the book is one of the best I have seen.
I have no criticism for this book and it is timely for this period of a global pandemic. Ovations.

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

At the beginning of the year, I saw "End Game," an Oscar nominated short film that features BJ Miller. A few months later, I happened to catch a radio interview with him and Shoshana Berger talking about their new book. In a year when my grandmother's health was failing, and everyone in the generation before me was having various health problems, I felt like the universe was telling me something. So I went out and bought it, and I'm so glad that I did. This is a book to keep on the shelf and refer to over and over again. It's a terrific guide. I've been telling all my friends that it is dying for dummies, and encouraging them to buy it, too.

It's not a book that you have to read from cover to cover. I skimmed a good part of it. It's very practical. There are stories include that will bring a lump to your throat, but it won't bring you to your knees. Instead, it helps to clarify and define so many parts of what can be a very difficult phase of life. It helped me to understand some of what was going on with my grandmother and the choices that were being made on her behalf. I expect it'll help me again at some point. I highly recommend it.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a beautifully crafted guide through all that comes with a poor prognosis. I highly recommend it for anyone who is facing a life-threatening illness and wants to know as much as possible about what to expect. It’s also a helpful primer for loved ones and caregivers.

[Samcwright · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve heard BJ Miller on a few podcasts and really appreciate his empathy and humility.

This book is exactly what the title says, a very simple practical guide to how to address death. Not from a philosophical perspective, but more task-oriented. Thinking through finances, obituaries, creating wills, etc. probably worth your time if you’re close to death or caring for someone who is close death. Not sure many would like it otherwise. You’ve probably heard or thought through some of the topics, but this brings it all into one place.

I wish BJ shared more of his deep thoughts and philosophies on death here. Perhaps for another book.

[Ellen Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve had this in my audible library for a while- and kept putting off listening because I thought it was more about the grief of dying or loved ones dying- and I’m not always in the right state of mind to dive into that on purpose.

But- this is actually quite practical and less emotional. Planning to revisit as a resource as I work on planning how to make it easier on loved ones when the day comes that I die. Maybe you think it’s morbid to be thinking about that when I’m relatively young and healthy- but I think about it a lot. Having dealt with family members and the things they leave behind- I want to make that part of it as easy as possible and this book provides excellent and organized information to get started. As well as what to do after a loved one dies. Good info everyone should be prepared with I think.

[Melissa Wood · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has great information if you are learning about preparing a will or any other documentation that is important to have done. But past that it is an incredible resource for anyone walking with someone who is nearing the end of their life, whether it be grandparents, parents, etc. There is so much information I would have never even thought of and I am so glad to have it even if it’s before a time when I need it readily available.

[Julia de’Caneva · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book. With focused advice for caregivers, patients, and humans in general, this book gives a great baseline of all the pieces of end-of-life. Although it can’t go into great detail about each aspect, it does a great job of outlining each topic and arming you with the basic knowledge. It helps with “you don’t know what you don’t know.” Reads well as a book straight through and as a resource book where you cherry-pick the info you need.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t know what I thought I was getting into, but this was exactly as advertised. It’s a 101 to all things logistical in regards to death. Very informative and kind if strange we don’t talk more openly about something that all people deal with and will eventually experience. The first section has a great 101 on all things legal like will, trust, power if attorney, etc.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is such a gift. As a natural born planner, I’ve often wondered what I need to know to be prepared for the passing of loved ones, or in the event of my own illness. THIS IS A LITERAL MANUAL FOR DEATH!

Written with compassion, wisdom, and straightforward advice, it has everything you might need - timelines, checklists, and examples for everything from how to tell folks about an illness to sample obituaries. Morbid? Sure. But also inevitable, so why not face the topic head on? I also appreciated reading this book in a dispassionate state, when neither I or my loved ones needed this advice immediately. I encourage you to do the same.

[Kbeckermann · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical guide to end of life, something we will all go through. I picked this up after hearing a recommendation on a podcast and read it with trepidation. This is not a topic I am comfortable with. I appreciated the candid language, Miller's framing and very practical advice. I recommend it for both approaching end of life and death with a balance of advice and support. I can't say I came anywhere near close to being comfortable, and at the same time, am not sorry I read it.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I had read this book last year because it is so very helpful. I found I didn’t need all the info in the present moment, but to have this book on a shelf for future reference seems prudent; it is an invaluable source.

Take what you need from it when you need to know, especially the will, estate planning part to be ready, to plan for your time. I get it, no one wants to, but… be a good human to those who will be cleaning up after you are gone.

[SIMON B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Comprehensive and practical - a book I will keep and return to if/when I need to. Although it’s written with the US legal and medical system as its context, the contents are universal as a guide to things to consider.

[Kari Yergin · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5*. Super informative and practical book that is actually making me feel excited to have these talks and think about a lot of these end of life hopes. What a gift to talk about these things with the people who might come after you.

[Theresa]

I've read other books in the end-of-life category that were much different. This book is a reference book for the dying, their families and their caregivers; reading it from cover to cover is not its intention.

This book has many lists and definitions, along with how-to directions, for example, for how to plan a funeral. Individuals will vary on what information they find applicable.

This book would be useful if you or a family member are preparing your will or are experiencing a serious or life threatening illness. Otherwise, what is described is abstract and less relatable. Read/skim it to find out what applies to your situation. Or hang on to the book until you find it more useful.

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this to prepare emotionally and logistically for deaths in my family and for updating my own will. I found it to be an informative and compassionate guide.

[Nathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed, I cried, and I learned a lot. Everyone should read this book.

[Justin]

While this covers the mental aspects of death it tends to be more practical.
As such it seems geared for those whose own death is imminent (at least relatively speaking)