Finding Home

by Jackie Gronlund

I have moved thirteen times since leaving my childhood home at nineteen. I am now twenty-four. Last year I moved eight times alone, which was what led me to What have I been chasing? What does home mean? What is it supposed to look like once we grow up, step into the chaos and confusion of adulthood, and start paving our own paths? It was that wondering that wooed me into writing this book. This story seemingly starts with an impulsive move to a city I barely knew. It looks like the beginning of a grand, spontaneous adventure of learning to make a home in a city I hadn’t spent longer than 48 hours in. But in more honest language, it’s a sacred story that’s been writing itself over the two and near-half decades since I was born. It’s a story that starts in the rockiest of rock bottoms I have ever experienced, all fears and insecurities brought to the surface, being pulled out from beneath my mask. It starts at my tipping point, and each chapter presents layers after layers of how I began to put myself back together again. How I learned who I am, what I need, and what I deserve. Within each draft that I have written, erased, started over, almost published, and started over again, I have realized that this quest for belonging that I’ve been on has looked more like a journey to find myself. A journey of learning how to love myself well. I’m not here to try to teach anybody anything. All I have is my story and my experiences to offer, but I believe that enough is worth sharing. I'm writing this in hopes that maybe somebody somewhere can see themselves in my story as well. I think that's the secret, that's what people search for so long and hard in art, movies, music, and literature. People want to know that they're not alone. As a writer, I think part of my responsibility is to remind them of that. If you decide to read my story, just know that it’s going to get really honest. It’s going to get really messy, awkward, raw, and real. But real, that’s what we want. Let’s take off our masks, and together, learn what we have to offer this world. It’s time to take our power back.

153 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 3, 2019

Reviews

[Lily · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably my hardest review to write because it is so much different than what I usually read. Normally I'd give a few comments and put a few of my favorite quotes, but I don't think that it's appropriate for this book.
No quotes can really define what this book felt like, especially since it was such a journey.
All I can say about this book is that it's perfectly flawed the way someone's life is. It has its ups and downs, it shows people's flaws and their qualities, the ugliness of life while also showing what makes it beautiful. I absolutely loved it and I believe that everyone should read it. ❤️

[Denise · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first I was skeptical as I couldn't relate to the subject in this memoir - she's much younger than me, she's a different religion, her issues are a little different from mine - but I was so surprised and delighted by the direction this book heads.

She starts her journey as a straight, white, Evangelical young woman. She's subjected to trauma after trauma, and all the traumatizers try to gaslight her to believe it's all her fault. And she goes along willingly, for a time. But as she gains confidence, she begins to question what she's been told. And she does this all while keeping her faith, which isn't easy to do with a chorus of those who'd make their deity smaller so it exactly matches theirs.

It's a slice of time in her life, I'd be interested in exploring more about her father and whether they have a relationship today, how his controlling nature may have cultivated an eating disorder. Even though it's not shared, it's implied it's being explored through therapy - and it's a memoir, not fiction, so the author sets the boundaries, not the reader.

It's going to be great to see what she does next, where these next steps lead.

[Spencer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir of covers several topics that other memoirs only focus on: coming to terms with sexuality, religious trauma, and figuring out life in our modern society, all wrapped up in learning how to love ourselves. Jackie weaves all of these together to give a holistic view of who she is and what she went through to "find home."

Jackie's writing is very compelling and easy to read (I finished the entire book in one day because it was that good) and I highly recommend this book to anyone trying to figure out what it means to "be at home."

[Christopher Soriano-Palma · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had the honor of meeting Jackie during her first author talk for Be Free, and this book did not disappoint.

I wrote a full review of the book on my blog here: https://christophersorianowrites.word...

I hope everyone gives this book a chance.