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Should I Stay or Should I Go?: A Guide to Working Out Whether Your Relationship Can--and Should--be Saved
A guide to making the ultimate relationship decision from the author of "Why Does He Do That?"
In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of "Why Does He Do That?," and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward-with or without their partners.
Women involved in chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationships will learn to: Tell the difference between a healthy-yet-difficult relationship and one that is really not working Recognize the signs that their partner has a serious problem Stop waiting to see what happens-and make their own growth the top priority Prepare for life without their partner-even as they keep trying to make the relationship work
In this supportive and straightforward guide, Lundy Bancroft, the author of "Why Does He Do That?," and communication specialist JAC Patrissi offer a way for women to practically take stock of their relationships and move forward-with or without their partners.
Women involved in chronically frustrating or unfulfilling relationships will learn to: Tell the difference between a healthy-yet-difficult relationship and one that is really not working Recognize the signs that their partner has a serious problem Stop waiting to see what happens-and make their own growth the top priority Prepare for life without their partner-even as they keep trying to make the relationship work
Audible Audio
First published March 1, 2011
541 people are currently reading
1841 people want to read
About the author
Lundy Bancroft
10 books469 followersLundy Bancroft is an author, workshop leader, and consultant on domestic abuse and child maltreatment. His best known book is Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men (first published in 2002). With 20 years of experience specializing in interventions for abusive men and their families, he is a former co-director of Emerge, the first counseling program in the United States for men who batter. He has worked with abusers directly as an intervention counselor, and has served as clinical supervisor. He has also served extensively as a custody evaluator, child abuse investigator, and expert witness in domestic violence and child abuse cases.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews
June 24, 2020
No one wants to have to read this book. No one wants to have to go through the pain that leads you to needing this book. If you find yourself needing this book, I want to say I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. It will get better. This book and its exercises helps you gain a better perspective on your relationship and on what a healthy relationship looks like and builds up your self esteem. No book or no one person can tell you if you should go or if you should stay. But this book helps you do the work to figure out the answer for your relationship.
August 5, 2016
Wonderful workbook to help build self-esteem and see your relationship more clearly. If you've ever thought maybe you didn't deserve an aspect of the way your spouse/partner treats you, this book will definitely help you sort it out. Is it him too? Or is it really me, as he always says? Before I read this book I allowed my husband to blame me for literally everything- his feelings, his choices, his actions, etc. I walked on eggshells for years before I realized that I was doing all the work and I was the only one willing to change for the good of our partnership. Through this wonderful book I learned the language of standing up for myself and started to be able to sort out what things were my fault and what things he was responsible for. I believe this could be one of the best relationship books out there. Reading it doesn't mean that you will choose to "leave." I can definitely see a woman reading this book and then being empowered to start asking her partner for more help. If the partner is reasonable and willing to make changes, evolve, then it can do a world of good for a relationship. But if you read this book, learn how to stand up for yourself and then your partner chooses to still not take you seriously and (as in my case), then there's a much clearer pathway out the door. It's a hard year or two leaving a relationship, but it would be an even harder life having stayed with my husband who just doesn't have anyone's interest in mind but his own.
July 21, 2017
This is an excellent book for folks struggling to understand selfish or immature or controlling or abusive behaviors in their partners. Also excellent for therapists working with folks in these situations.
September 29, 2020
So, I read this book purely out of curiosity. It's often mentioned in some women-led Facebook groups I'm part of, and I wanted to take a look for myself. Granted, I went into this book through the lens of the fact that I'm in a 7 year relationship with a man I love very much (I told him upfront that I was reading this book in case he found it on my Kindle, which we sometimes both use, and felt a twinge of panic), so maybe I'm not the best candidate to review it. It still didn't match what I expected it to be.
I expected this book to be about determining if you have an awesome, healthy, marry-this-person kind of relationship or if it's like "hey, maybe this isn't your forever stop." You know, in the more subtle ways.
I think a relationship can be bad for you in one way or another even if you're not fighting all the time. Maybe you bore each other. Maybe you don't specifically nourish growth in one another. Maybe your sense of humor doesn't match. Your values don't match! You have drastically different opinions on what a comfortable temperature is (lookin' at you, 7 year boyfriend).
This is all to say that I thought the book was going to be about the more subtle ways in which people don't match in a relationship. That sounded extremely interesting to me! I was so curious.
It was not about that. Instead, it was strictly about abusive relationships and abusive male partners specifically. Which is very important to discuss! I just didn't expect it to be in this book. The synopsis doesn't really hint at that aspect.
There are checklists that help you to determine if he's toxic and if you're being emotionally abused. There are ways of looking at your relationship to see if it's abusive. There are breakdowns on the kinds of abusive men in relationships. In that aspect, this book did a great job. If you're in a situation that doesn't feel healthy, this book seems to be a fantastic guide and tool, and I really would recommend it to people in that circumstance.
However, I do also think, because of the book isn't blatantly marketed as that, I think it sets up an unhealthy idea that if he's not abusing you, it means he's a good guy, your relationship is good, and that you should stay. You can be completely incompatible with someone who doesn't do anything "wrong." And I don't see any books that actually talk about that, so I'm a little disappointed this wasn't more like that.
Additionally, since this book is all about abuse, I don't like the idea that this book opens the door to justify staying. I think a healthy gentle nudge in the opposite direction should be the only default option when it comes to abuse. If someone is seeking out this book, they probably already know in the back of their mind that something isn't right in their relationship, so why give them an extra opportunity to doubt it?
Still, for the resource it actually is, it overall seems to do a really good job. I wouldn't say it's perfect, but I see why it's recommended so much.
I expected this book to be about determining if you have an awesome, healthy, marry-this-person kind of relationship or if it's like "hey, maybe this isn't your forever stop." You know, in the more subtle ways.
I think a relationship can be bad for you in one way or another even if you're not fighting all the time. Maybe you bore each other. Maybe you don't specifically nourish growth in one another. Maybe your sense of humor doesn't match. Your values don't match! You have drastically different opinions on what a comfortable temperature is (lookin' at you, 7 year boyfriend).
This is all to say that I thought the book was going to be about the more subtle ways in which people don't match in a relationship. That sounded extremely interesting to me! I was so curious.
It was not about that. Instead, it was strictly about abusive relationships and abusive male partners specifically. Which is very important to discuss! I just didn't expect it to be in this book. The synopsis doesn't really hint at that aspect.
There are checklists that help you to determine if he's toxic and if you're being emotionally abused. There are ways of looking at your relationship to see if it's abusive. There are breakdowns on the kinds of abusive men in relationships. In that aspect, this book did a great job. If you're in a situation that doesn't feel healthy, this book seems to be a fantastic guide and tool, and I really would recommend it to people in that circumstance.
However, I do also think, because of the book isn't blatantly marketed as that, I think it sets up an unhealthy idea that if he's not abusing you, it means he's a good guy, your relationship is good, and that you should stay. You can be completely incompatible with someone who doesn't do anything "wrong." And I don't see any books that actually talk about that, so I'm a little disappointed this wasn't more like that.
Additionally, since this book is all about abuse, I don't like the idea that this book opens the door to justify staying. I think a healthy gentle nudge in the opposite direction should be the only default option when it comes to abuse. If someone is seeking out this book, they probably already know in the back of their mind that something isn't right in their relationship, so why give them an extra opportunity to doubt it?
Still, for the resource it actually is, it overall seems to do a really good job. I wouldn't say it's perfect, but I see why it's recommended so much.
October 22, 2022
While I'm not the target audience for this book, I had read "why does he do that" earlier this year and found it not only hugely enlightening, but also helpful and interesting in understanding the complex dilemma/horror show of abusive relationships. So I was interested in tackling Should I Stay... to broaden my knowledge and hopefully continue to be of help to others.
In some respects Should I Stay is a more challenging read as the focus is somewhat on how people might revive and continue destructive relationships, not just identifying abuse and keeping oneself as safe as possible.
If someone is looking for a tome that contains info and red and green flags, self-healing advice but with a minimal-nonsense approach and real words this is pretty much it.
In some respects Should I Stay is a more challenging read as the focus is somewhat on how people might revive and continue destructive relationships, not just identifying abuse and keeping oneself as safe as possible.
If someone is looking for a tome that contains info and red and green flags, self-healing advice but with a minimal-nonsense approach and real words this is pretty much it.
May 21, 2014
This was the best book I read ever on deciding on leaving a relationship or staying. I'd give it 10 stars if I could.
June 1, 2025
No one wants to go through the things that will lead you to consider reading this book.
But if you do find yourself there, as I did, firstly, I'm sorry, and secondly, I found this compassionate, supportive, no-nonsense guide very helpful for taking stock of my (13+ years) relationship. Someone who hasn't been in this situation will easily write it all off as common sense, but sometimes, even though you rationally know better, you're in so deep, you can't see the forest for the trees, especially if you've got co-dependent traits. The exercises will help you decide whether the relationship can and should be saved, and how to heal and move forward—with or without your partner. It won't (and can't) tell you what to do, but it will help you do the work to get to the answer by giving you perspective on what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like, and by building up your self esteem.
A little disclaimer because the synopsis doesn't necessarily make it clear: This is a book for women in unhealthy relationships with destructive male partners, i.e. those struggling with addiction, mental disorders, and who inflict physical or emotional abuse. This is not a book to help you decide whether your healthy relationship has reached its expiration date.
I left.
But if you do find yourself there, as I did, firstly, I'm sorry, and secondly, I found this compassionate, supportive, no-nonsense guide very helpful for taking stock of my (13+ years) relationship. Someone who hasn't been in this situation will easily write it all off as common sense, but sometimes, even though you rationally know better, you're in so deep, you can't see the forest for the trees, especially if you've got co-dependent traits. The exercises will help you decide whether the relationship can and should be saved, and how to heal and move forward—with or without your partner. It won't (and can't) tell you what to do, but it will help you do the work to get to the answer by giving you perspective on what a healthy relationship is supposed to look like, and by building up your self esteem.
A little disclaimer because the synopsis doesn't necessarily make it clear: This is a book for women in unhealthy relationships with destructive male partners, i.e. those struggling with addiction, mental disorders, and who inflict physical or emotional abuse. This is not a book to help you decide whether your healthy relationship has reached its expiration date.
I left.
March 19, 2013
This book is definitely geared towards aiding women rather than being a book about relationships in general. It will help you establish boundaries and support you in doing so. The assumption is that you're talking about a deeply distressed relationship struggling with the likes of addiction, physical and/or emotional abuse or mental disorders.
The book has some great discussions about what a healthy relationship looks like and is really great at encouraging you to feel that you should have a healthy relationship. I think this is particularly helpful to those who've never really had a healthy relationship, or had one discussed with them, or where it was so long ago in their past that they've lost touch with what a healthy relationship looks like.
I would warn against this book being the only resource you refer to if you're trying to make your relationship work with a well-meaning but distressed/destructive partner. You'll want another book like The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel to provide you with a more nuanced look at why the less extreme and less dangerous abuser may be abusive or why you may have some major blind spots for those kinds of behaviors. This book's authors goal is to support you, not to deliver compassion or understanding to the person that is being destructive. Sometimes, that means they are more compassionate with you when you make mistakes and slips while supporting you to not be that way with your destructive partner. They err on the side of over-supporting you rather than risk having you slip back into taking on more blame. If you're trying to problem solve your relationship, you'll want this book as a staunch supporter for your journey and a more tempered book to help you navigate the nuances of the different factors and influences in your interactions with your partner.
I personally think that this book would be of great help for men who are more open-minded and willing to look for specific guidance on empathizing with their partner's experience of the destruction or chaos that the men have introduced into their lives. But I understand why you shouldn't leap to sharing with your partners if you're at all concerned that the partner will try to manipulate or use that material against you. If you have a partner that is genuinely curious, it could be a great aid in validating the very feelings and concepts you're trying to explain to him. Unfortunately, the materials they have prepared for the partner is just not that developed and leaves the men without much explanation for why and how they should change what they're doing.
If you're ready to leave but just don't feel ready to take those steps, this book will guide you through your feelings and emotions to help tease apart where you may really stand.
The book has some great discussions about what a healthy relationship looks like and is really great at encouraging you to feel that you should have a healthy relationship. I think this is particularly helpful to those who've never really had a healthy relationship, or had one discussed with them, or where it was so long ago in their past that they've lost touch with what a healthy relationship looks like.
I would warn against this book being the only resource you refer to if you're trying to make your relationship work with a well-meaning but distressed/destructive partner. You'll want another book like The Emotionally Abusive Relationship: How to Stop Being Abused and How to Stop Abusing by Beverly Engel to provide you with a more nuanced look at why the less extreme and less dangerous abuser may be abusive or why you may have some major blind spots for those kinds of behaviors. This book's authors goal is to support you, not to deliver compassion or understanding to the person that is being destructive. Sometimes, that means they are more compassionate with you when you make mistakes and slips while supporting you to not be that way with your destructive partner. They err on the side of over-supporting you rather than risk having you slip back into taking on more blame. If you're trying to problem solve your relationship, you'll want this book as a staunch supporter for your journey and a more tempered book to help you navigate the nuances of the different factors and influences in your interactions with your partner.
I personally think that this book would be of great help for men who are more open-minded and willing to look for specific guidance on empathizing with their partner's experience of the destruction or chaos that the men have introduced into their lives. But I understand why you shouldn't leap to sharing with your partners if you're at all concerned that the partner will try to manipulate or use that material against you. If you have a partner that is genuinely curious, it could be a great aid in validating the very feelings and concepts you're trying to explain to him. Unfortunately, the materials they have prepared for the partner is just not that developed and leaves the men without much explanation for why and how they should change what they're doing.
If you're ready to leave but just don't feel ready to take those steps, this book will guide you through your feelings and emotions to help tease apart where you may really stand.
January 30, 2020
I needed this badly in 2015. Bancroft writes with such compassion and empathy for women, and he really understands the power dynamics in society that we're up against. I'll be so disappointed if he turns out to be a sexpest like Michael Kimmel. All the men giving this 2 star reviews and whining "it's not baaaaalllaaaaannnnced," you're telling on yourself. You're definitely one of these trash-ass men Bancroft is writing about, and I hope your partners are safe!
June 14, 2023
Lundy is great as always, his books are like a very good hug from somebody that completely understands. I finally ended my own long and troubled relationship during the reading of this book so I think that says a lot.
December 9, 2021
Frankly I think all women should read this book (and maybe even men) at a younger age, before they get into any serious relationships. It very clearly describes the things that go on in an unhealthy relationship and brings perspective into what may lead to these actions in the first place. If I had had this information as a young woman I may have been able to more clearly understand when I was being mistreated and been able to better articulate to my partner what he was doing and how his actions were affecting me. Even if you have only ever been in perfectly healthy relationships, I still think this is a great read for gaining empathy for others who have not.
December 31, 2015
You love him when he is nice to you and wish that it could always be like that. But sometimes he is cruel and may even be physically abusive. Is it time to get out of this relationship or is the abuse too much? Another great one by Lundy Bancroft that can help you sort through the mess of your troubled relationship to decide if it is worth sticking around or if it is time to get out.
January 30, 2021
This book wasn’t quite what I was expecting, but I still found it worthwhile! Should I Stay or Should I Go is more focused on abusive relationships than less deal-breaking incompatibilities, but it still provides useful frameworks for affirming your own worth and understanding what commitment and change look like from your partner.
March 6, 2013
This book is more about you finding and nurturing yourself, setting clear boundaries and learning to love yourself as your best friend. It's not so much about hating your batterer as much as it is about honoring and loving yourself. Great book!
December 4, 2019
Not quite as much of a revelation as "Why Does He Do That?" but a solid help to anyone who's ever wished an expert would just show up and tell them if they should keep fighting for a relationship and how to go about it either way.
April 17, 2018
I love this book it saved my life! I hgihly recommend it.
April 2, 2019
Clarity
September 14, 2024
This book is a must read for any counselor or any person wondering if their relationship is healthy or salvageable if it’s unhealthy. The exercises and insights are helpful for anyone regardless of relationship status.
July 14, 2025
This book was helpful in bringing clarity to a complex situation. It felt like a soft but firm hand guiding through the tangles of the heart.
November 17, 2015
To be honest, I didn't finish this book. I borrowed it from the library thinking it was actually what it was advertised to be - a guide to assessing your relationship and determining whether it can be saved or not.
I bought this as a female in a 10-year relationship with a male who is a supremely wonderful human being. I am actually the one who has caused and continues to cause the vast majority of the troubles in our relationship. I can freely admit that, to him or anyone else, though actually modifying my behaviour and repairing the damage is another thing entirely... it's actually the sort of thing I would try to read a book about, to give me some advice, a book like this one perhaps?
Umm, no! This book is all about the different ways in which a man might be mistreating a woman, i.e., from the smallest, everyday sort of ways to the very complex and difficult (various types of spousal abuse, substance abuse, psychological/emotional disturbances).
Okay, so it's fine to write a book about what to do if you are a woman and a man is, in any way, mistreating you. I didn't actually read more thoroughly to form an opinion about the actual advice given, since I felt very strongly that this book was misrepresented!
I was actually quite surprised by the content I encountered versus what I expected it to be, which was an honest guide to assessing the value of your relationship and whether or not it can be saved (which is kind of the title?) This was a waste of my time, which could have easily been prevented by the title (or, even better, the subtitle) more accurately representing what the book is about.
I bought this as a female in a 10-year relationship with a male who is a supremely wonderful human being. I am actually the one who has caused and continues to cause the vast majority of the troubles in our relationship. I can freely admit that, to him or anyone else, though actually modifying my behaviour and repairing the damage is another thing entirely... it's actually the sort of thing I would try to read a book about, to give me some advice, a book like this one perhaps?
Umm, no! This book is all about the different ways in which a man might be mistreating a woman, i.e., from the smallest, everyday sort of ways to the very complex and difficult (various types of spousal abuse, substance abuse, psychological/emotional disturbances).
Okay, so it's fine to write a book about what to do if you are a woman and a man is, in any way, mistreating you. I didn't actually read more thoroughly to form an opinion about the actual advice given, since I felt very strongly that this book was misrepresented!
I was actually quite surprised by the content I encountered versus what I expected it to be, which was an honest guide to assessing the value of your relationship and whether or not it can be saved (which is kind of the title?) This was a waste of my time, which could have easily been prevented by the title (or, even better, the subtitle) more accurately representing what the book is about.
July 23, 2018
While the book has some very good sections - especially in figuring out a current relationship and trying to decide what is normal in relationships - I find the wife slant of the book to be very one-sided. The book is written fully from the standpoint of the female in the relationship. Even the online section that is geared toward males is firmly in the "the man is always wrong" standpoint.
I find this standpoint to be very tiring - the book would be much better if written from a balanced viewpoint.
I find this standpoint to be very tiring - the book would be much better if written from a balanced viewpoint.
June 2, 2022
This book did so much for me. I needed it’s guidance and found all of the activities and writing prompts to be more helpful than my therapy sessions! It really helps for reflection and balances that with education and empowerment. It validated my experience and helped me to realize what is necessary to improve my life and to identify my values and goals.
May 25, 2019
I really like the organized way Lundy Bancroft presents his ideas. This is the second book of his I read. I have both the audio and IBooks version of this book. I intend to follow some of the checklists and outlines for my website. Wonderful new vocabulary.
July 30, 2012
Very thorough, non-judgmental. Either my standards have completely slipped or I've been on a roll with good self-help books lately. Good, realistic thoughts for staying or leaving.
December 29, 2015
Outstanding read. Very helpful not only for people in this situation but also for those wanting to understand the dynamics of why a person may stay in an unhealthy relationship.
June 9, 2016
Eye-opener
This a clear, compassionate workbook to help better understand what's happening in an unhealthy relationship. It put a lot of things in perspective.
This a clear, compassionate workbook to help better understand what's happening in an unhealthy relationship. It put a lot of things in perspective.
Read
September 23, 2020This was a very good information and easy to read book on relationships
September 29, 2020
Only read about 60-70% of this. All I had time for / needed under the circumstances. Highly recommend.
September 29, 2020
Every female should read this. Maybe you'll start reading and discover you really don't need this book, but don't assume it.
December 14, 2021
I borrowed this book from the library because it was recommended to a completely other woman on a respectful relationships Facebook group I am in. My partner and I were in couple's counseling and it was just bringing me to awareness that the problems we had weren't the usual kind of healthy adjusting to living together that other couples would face.
Because I wasn't just picking it up from a shelf, I knew that this was primarily aimed at the woman in a heterosexual partnership where the male partner was likely the one bringing the greater dysfunction. At the point of reading the book, I thought I had more accountability for our problems in the relationship. I found the book to be excellent at identifying exactly what categories my partner was needing growth in (none of them addiction or abusiveness; though the book does tend to focus on those areas more than psychological issues like an ongoing and lengthy depressive episode or immaturity which were more akin to my situation), that these were -- and here was my biggest revelation -- thought problems not feelings problems, that I was reacting (I didn't have any dysfunctional beliefs and was merely dysregulating and dysphoric) and so didn't need to make equal changes to my partner, how to structure the conversation to encourage my partner to be active on addressing the problems they needed to tackle (and it worked! he was on it!), how to support that growth without feeding the original problems (I needed it because otherwise I would have supported in the wrong way), that I could and should mention the end of the relationship when explaining my boundaries (it has actually made conversations go better than before the book when I instead reassured him that I was going to support him through everything), and though the book does tend to forget about those such as myself who experience a small measure of success but instead focus on women who experience failure, the end did remember me and talk about the healing that I need to do and the uncharitable feelings I'm likely to (and do!) experience when it is clear that the partner really is on the mend.
For me, this book was exactly what I needed. It validated me at every step. It approached me in just the way I desire to be approached (education, then asking for a reaction or response). And it explained to me why couple's therapy wasn't really helping mend anything which led to my partner and myself dissolving our couple's therapy and maintaining our individual therapies.
This, being my first, and the book assures me that for the majority of its readers it is also their first and only, dysfunctional relationship, I felt as if I were handed a secret rulebook that enabled me to navigate with ease rather than allowing myself to be affected in a worse manner. I have since recommended this book to at least five other women who are heterosexual; it is key that this book is very heteronormative and not written where the dysfunctional actor is the woman in the relationship -- people in homosexual relationships or men victimized by a woman will feel very unseen by the pronouns and gendering and friends don't do that to friends; there are other books.
I kept status updates as I read through the book and encourage you to read them as well. I put in more detailed notes about the content.
In addition, if you don't have time to read the whole book but want a sort of Cliff's Notes, check out my Kindle highlights and notes as well as this excellent set by not-me. Between the two of us we can fill you with information while you wait for your library hold to come in.
Because I wasn't just picking it up from a shelf, I knew that this was primarily aimed at the woman in a heterosexual partnership where the male partner was likely the one bringing the greater dysfunction. At the point of reading the book, I thought I had more accountability for our problems in the relationship. I found the book to be excellent at identifying exactly what categories my partner was needing growth in (none of them addiction or abusiveness; though the book does tend to focus on those areas more than psychological issues like an ongoing and lengthy depressive episode or immaturity which were more akin to my situation), that these were -- and here was my biggest revelation -- thought problems not feelings problems, that I was reacting (I didn't have any dysfunctional beliefs and was merely dysregulating and dysphoric) and so didn't need to make equal changes to my partner, how to structure the conversation to encourage my partner to be active on addressing the problems they needed to tackle (and it worked! he was on it!), how to support that growth without feeding the original problems (I needed it because otherwise I would have supported in the wrong way), that I could and should mention the end of the relationship when explaining my boundaries (it has actually made conversations go better than before the book when I instead reassured him that I was going to support him through everything), and though the book does tend to forget about those such as myself who experience a small measure of success but instead focus on women who experience failure, the end did remember me and talk about the healing that I need to do and the uncharitable feelings I'm likely to (and do!) experience when it is clear that the partner really is on the mend.
For me, this book was exactly what I needed. It validated me at every step. It approached me in just the way I desire to be approached (education, then asking for a reaction or response). And it explained to me why couple's therapy wasn't really helping mend anything which led to my partner and myself dissolving our couple's therapy and maintaining our individual therapies.
This, being my first, and the book assures me that for the majority of its readers it is also their first and only, dysfunctional relationship, I felt as if I were handed a secret rulebook that enabled me to navigate with ease rather than allowing myself to be affected in a worse manner. I have since recommended this book to at least five other women who are heterosexual; it is key that this book is very heteronormative and not written where the dysfunctional actor is the woman in the relationship -- people in homosexual relationships or men victimized by a woman will feel very unseen by the pronouns and gendering and friends don't do that to friends; there are other books.
I kept status updates as I read through the book and encourage you to read them as well. I put in more detailed notes about the content.
In addition, if you don't have time to read the whole book but want a sort of Cliff's Notes, check out my Kindle highlights and notes as well as this excellent set by not-me. Between the two of us we can fill you with information while you wait for your library hold to come in.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 65 reviews